Welcome to the “Making of a DM.” How death motivates and inspires me. You heard me right. So, with that said, let's get started.
Mark: Hey, there, it’s your boy, Mark Evans DM, coming to you from Parkland, Fla. I’m still here, getting ready to head back up to Ohio in about a month and a half, but I’m super excited to talk to you guys today as the shows are going crazy, and I want to say thank you for that because you guys are sharing it. Your five-star ratings over on … what is it? Not Amazon. Oh, your five-star ratings over there on Apple are huge, guys, that helps us out a ton, gets more visibility and all that. [01:05.8]
But, again, thank you guys so much for just spreading the word and sharing about the DM. As you guys know, it's so much more than just one message. We're talking about evolving together and I always think that's pretty amazing. I don't know about you, but I think about this often, about how my best friends today are people I’ve met at mastermind groups, different events, different situations, and they've become best friends because we've evolved together.
Unfortunately, with family members, oftentimes we actually go the opposite way. We actually fall apart from each other because they've settled. They've just accepted life of how it should be or how it is. It is what it is. If you're like me, which you are if you listen to the show, you know life is not settling and life is not stopping—and that's what today's show topic is about. It’s something very special I think. [01:57.0]
I’ve been wondering, my wife always says I’m kind of morbid and I say crazy stuff sometimes, but the truth is, for me, death, the thought of death actually motivates the shit out of me. I don't know if it motivates you, but let me just share with you kind of my thoughts as to why it motivates me and kind of where I’m coming from, my angle.
I’ve seen a lot of entrepreneurs fear. Everyone talks about fear, but fear could drive you or hold you back. For me, fear actually drives me. I’m getting to go on stage next month in front of a huge crowd. I’m scared, but it's pushing me to be better. I’m afraid to die, but it's pushing me to get out of my comfort zone.
For some reason, we've grown up thinking that the world looks a certain way. Our teachers, the news, people or everyone that we've really cared about, our parents probably and our grandparents, etc., have told us that you retire at usually 65 or 72, right? I don’t even know what it is? Whatever they say. I’ve always thought, What the hell? Who wants to bust their ass to maybe live that long? Secondly, talk about the ultimate. You're assuming. There are a lot of assumptions going on that you could even walk, that you'll even be here at that age. [03:14.2]
When Deena and I—I was 27 years old—Deena and I started traveling around the country or we actually started traveling and we went down to South Florida and then we went to Barcelona, etc., but we did a seven-year trip. Literally for seven years, we were traveling all around the country and the world. I had a house. We actually had no house for a couple of years during this time, but then we had this big house in Georgia and all this cool stuff.
One thing I noticed is that we were traveling all over the world. We could be in Santorini, Greece, we could be in Paris, we could be in Bora Bora, wherever, and I would be so sad to see an older lady pushing her older husband in a wheelchair thinking, Dude, this is what they were sold. This is the bill of goods that not only were they sold it, they actually fucking bought it, because we've talked to these people. [04:02.3]
I really was genuinely like, Hey, what's going on?
Oh, yeah, we're from Alabama and we saved up our whole life to be able to take this trip to Paris.
And I’m like, Holy shit, is this what life is about?
So, I was on the right track and, again, oftentimes when you're on the right track, there are very few people on the track, as crazy as that sounds. People thought we were crazy. How the hell can you leave and not blah-blah? What about your car? What about your house? What about all these things? And I’m like, What about if we fucking live? What about if we have fun? What about if we experience new cultures?
Again, let me step back for a second because, on October 8, my grandmother passed away, death, i.e. death. She died, right? It was a huge pivotal moment in my life. I’ve talked about this many times, but I’ll say here for you if you guys are new, she was like the rock of the family, the Evans family. She was tough as nails. I was her favorite, sometimes second favorite depending on how much trouble I was getting into. But at the end of the day, she was an amazing person. Always she was hilarious. I got to hang out with her. I spent a lot of time with my grandparents. [05:17.6]
She passed away. Two weeks prior to that, she went to a doctor for a basic checkup and they're like, Oh, you have Stage IV blah-blah-blah cancer, XYZ. You have two weeks max to live, and she lived two weeks, and thank God we did it at her house, she passed away there. But I was able to do a couple things. I’d like to share this with you and it could be something maybe you're experiencing or have experienced or will experience.
One amazing gift about death, and this sounds weird, again, this is my weird thought process, I was actually very thankful that I was able to tell my grandmother goodbye. Thankful. It wasn't like she was walking down the street and just died because I could tell her what she meant to me, but I realized we had a short window of time to create a message to her and to sit there with her and let her know, and that's what I did. I recorded. This is old school record tape decks. [06:13.6]
I wrote down what I wanted to share with her and I recorded it in voice because there was no way in hell I could ever talk to her out loud like this because it's very emotional. Just talking about it here gets me choked up and this is years ago, and this was 2005. But it was a very amazing moment because I recorded it and I was bawling, crying, recording it, record, pause, recording, pause, record, pause, to get the message out.
But what I did was where she lay in her bed to me and her by ourselves, everyone was outside and I think I had 15, 20 minutes. I was able to push play and just hold her hand and listen. We cried the whole time, but we connected. Again, it was amazing. [07:00.0]
So, I don't see it as a bad thing. I see it as a good thing. I was told that she was dying. By the way, FYI, we're all dying and that moment I had a realization. I walked out of the house and, first of all, you feel like whatever, but I just felt really happy. I felt really happy I was able to do that moment because everyone else in that family, maybe they did or didn't, I don't know. We've never even talked about it actually, but did they say their goodbyes? Did they talk to them one-on-one? Did they tell them what they meant?
Everyone deals with stuff differently, but this to me was a pivotal moment in life because I was a crazy workaholic. If you think you work, I was working 16, 18 hours a day, seven days a week, never took a day off, never went on a vacation. I never did anything. I literally worked and I’m not complaining because I loved it. I loved every second of it. I was hiring people. I was firing people. I was on job sites. I was calling. I would do anything. Put me to work. [08:02.2]
But that moment, I was with my girlfriend, now my wife, Deena, I told her what was going on. She saw obviously how impactful it was and she was like, Hey, let's take a one-month vacation to Florida, and I was like, You're out of your mind, but I have to do something different. See, I don't know about you, but I have to do something different to shock my system to have me doing different things. I committed immediately. I was like, I’m in, and I’m like, Oh, shit, I have no clue, but I’m going to do it and XYZ.
This October, by the way, December 31, we were sitting in South Beach, Fla., at 10:00, at 8:00 p.m. because we were in bed by 10:00 even on New Year’s, but I was sure in hell was sleeping, woke up the next day on the beautiful Ocean, 16th floor overlooking South Beach and it was awesome. I’m not saying I wasn't scared and all that, but death made me do it. Death not forced me but jolted me to do it, and it made me understand that we're capable of so much more, because if I’d have just stayed in Ohio, one, I’d have made money and all this stuff, which is cool, but I probably and I’m pretty sure I would not be where I’m at today in my life. [09:15.3]
I’m here in Parkland, Fla., bouncing back and forth to Ohio, and that's what set off, by the way, a seven-year stint of traveling all over the world, pretty much almost all the states. I think seven or eight states we haven't gone to, not because we don't like him. It's just because it wasn't in the plans, but all over the world, it was wild. So, death is actually a big motivator for me in many different ways.
Another thing, I saw my grandfather pass away in front of me and, again, literally pass away in front of me and it was an amazing experience because I could sit there. I was with my cousins and there was a small group of people there and we were able to just celebrate his life and just be thankful that he wasn't suffering anymore, because for eight years he’d had Alzheimer's Parkinson's and all that. He was kind of just lying there all day, and so I was like, Man, I’m just so thankful that he went peacefully. [10:05.8]
Do you see what I’m saying? Death motivates me. Death drives me. I have two little kids. We could get a call today, hopefully not, hopefully heaven forbid, but it could happen and it happens every day to people, but we could get a call and it says, Hey, your kid is sick or your kid didn't make it, for whatever reason, and every day is cherished. Every day.
Sometimes I want to strangle them, right? But yet, at the end of the day, I’m very thankful and grateful that I’ve built a life, the dealmaker-style life or dream maker, if you will, a life where I can do what I want, when I want, how I want, with whom I want, and death has driven me to do that because I’m more afraid of my children dying than I am making money.
Making money is easy. Making money is everywhere. Money is everywhere. I have people reach out to me all the time. “Dude, I wish I could stay home with my kids.” Why can't you? Who told you you have to go to a fucking job every single day? Hopefully you like it, but most people don't, but who told you have to do that? [11:11.6]
Have you ever thought it looks different? Have you ever tried to paint a different picture? See, the problem is when you're trying to put a piece of puzzle together and you see what the picture looks like, it becomes easier. The problem is the world has built this puzzle piece in front of you, the board, and you're trying to put the puzzle piece together how they see it, not how you see it. But the problem is they're still trying to plug in that puzzle and create this puzzle that someone else has created. Have you ever asked why they've created it this way?
Yesterday I was hanging out at the pool. We have a community pool here. It was crazy at the house with people all over the place. I was like, Hey, let's go to the community pool, haven't been there for a while. Sometimes, I mean, on the weekends, this place is like a club. It's packed with kids and adults hanging out, drinking, whatever. But I went up there. It's a huge pool and it's 2:30 in the afternoon and literally not one single person was there except me and my son, Mark. We were sitting there hanging out and I’m like, Bud, do you wish Daddy was at work or hanging out with you right now? He was going to say with me. That's what he did say. [12:16.5]
I think about that and I’m like, Dude, people are so worried about this LeBron James, whatever clown he is. They know more about his stupid shit, how dumb he is and all this, his stats and all this stuff, and this guy is literally trying to hurt people. Literally. If you don't think he is, unsubscribe from me, I’m not your guy to follow. He's a bad dude. His agenda is wrong at a massive level. But death to me motivates me.
I’ll be 43 on June 19. I know I’m going to die. I’m very clear with that. My thoughts in my head think, How am I going to die? What am I going to die? My goal is to die old, but functional. I want to have my brains and I want to have my movement, even though I can barely move today, my knee is messed up. But that's what I want. That's what drives me. That's the goal. [13:13.2]
Will it happen? To be determined. But if it doesn't, death is also motivating me to be smart about it. What does that mean? I have wills. I have an execution plan. I’m a sick guy like this. I buy my in-laws and my parents, for a Christmas gift, a will. I hired my lawyer to create a will for them. I don't want their fucking money. I don't need their money. I want them to have the peace of mind knowing that when they do pass, not if, but when they do pass, things are executed they want them executed.
It has nothing to do with me, has nothing to do with their other kids, has nothing to do with anybody but them. It's an amazing gift. It's like a thousand bucks or something, I don't remember what I paid them, but whatever it is, it's worth it because it takes that one piece that most people avoid like the plague, because, holy shit, if I write the will out, I’m actually going to die. [14:14.0]
Newsflash: you're going to die anyway. Do you want to die and create massive chaos with your kids fighting over $1,200 in your checking account or do you want to die and having an execution plan staged out, so everyone is very crystal clear on what Mom or Dad, or Grandma, Grandpa, son, brother, sister, whoever their loved one, wants to happen?
For me, that brings me peace of mind, knowing that the people I care about and love the most are at peace of mind. I don't want to go out. I don't go buy them name brand shoes and hats and shirts and clothes and all this shit. I buy them things that they can actually use that they don't even know they need possibly. [15:01.3]
Death motivates me. I don't know about you, but there are days I wake up and I’m like, Today is the day, could be the day. I'm so thankful for every day I wake up. Not saying I’m on massive stress, anxiety and get anxious and all this stuff, right, but I’m thankful that my ass had another chance today. Before I’ve got on this podcast show, I was hanging down at the club, shot a quick video, doing a hop on a jet with the DM and from Fort Lauderdale to Utah, hang out with my boy, Sean Whalen, Lions Not Sheep. I’m speaking there at his event actually and at $6,000 one way or $10,000 round trip on a jet, a massive jet. I don't normally travel without my wife and kids, but my wife and kids can't make it to this one, so I’m going anyways because I made a commitment to my boy, Sean. [15:53.3]
Instead of me flying on a big old jet by myself, how do I turn it into an opportunity for all of us to connect and grow and learn? You plop in 10 amazing guys, crushing business and wanting to go to new levels, and you put them in the air 40,000 feet with a cocktail waitress, serving drinks and food and hanging out, good great-quality conversations, a hundred percent focused. The truth is we all could get on that jet and die as well. Every time I get on a jet or any plane, I’m thinking today is the day and I do think about that, but it doesn't stop me.
See, death does not scare me. It motivates me. It's the end for all. There's no other way out. The question is how are you living while you're alive? Because that's what really counts. Recently I did a big charity donation to build a Haitian community for 500 fam, 500 people, and me and the DM guys would come together and put this money together and it's almost $300,000, and I cut the biggest portion, which I’m totally cool with. [17:08.7]
But why did I do it? One, I want to help people and, two, I want to leave a legacy, so when I’m dead, my legacy still carries on. I’m going to die. I’m motivated. It was scary to write the check, but it's scarier knowing that if I don't write the check, I can't leave the legacy. I’m building behind for the future, for my kids, for my grandkids, for my great-grandkids and so on. Death motivates me.
It's the future death. We're all doing it. I’m not here forever. It definitely makes you super conscious of being present with your kids and your family, and your business activities, right? Because definitely you’ve got to kind of weigh these out. Not every day, I don't believe in balance. You know that. I’ve talked about that many times. But at the end of the day for you and me, we have to understand that we're all on different journeys, and what motivates you? What drives you? [18:14.8]
This is thought-auditing, by the way. How this comes about, death motivates me and inspires me, is through thought-auditing. In a quirky way, it gets me excited. Why? Because it creates massive anxiety, by the way, because, dude, tomorrow, today I can get in the car and be gone tomorrow, today. You just never know.
Another thing I do because I do know we're not going to be here forever. I shoot lots of videos. This is why I write books, by the way. This is why I write books as well. I write books to carry on my words the way I think and my thought process. I don't care if one person ever fucking bought the books. Thank God they do and I appreciate that because it keeps me writing them and I’d probably still write them, but just it'd be in a different format, because writing a book is growing. That's a process. It is not fun. It takes time, a lot of time and I don't make a penny from it. All that money goes to charity. Again, not complaining, just sharing. [19:09.5]
But I write these books for my children. Dad was the magician, not the mule. ME Economy, man, check this out. See, I want my kids to see what I’m up to. I want my kids to push beyond my legacy. I don't need to give them a handout. I’m giving them a hand up every day by them hearing my words. Being around this everyday 24/7, it's normal to them.
See, how I grew up, normal to me was wake up at 4:00-something a.m., eat breakfast real quick, Pop-Tarts typically, jump in the car, drive over to the babysitter, get dropped off—Mom and Dad had to be at work at 6:00—and then watch Woody the Woodpecker cartoons, Bugs Bunny, etc. Then go to school, sit down and shut up, raise your hand if you need to go to the bathroom. This is the way the world is. It's the way it always will be and it's the way it's going to be forever kind of thing, and I’m like, No, it's not. I was that kid, by the way. I’m like, This doesn't make sense, explain and then you get in trouble. But anyway, get home. Three o'clock at the babysitters. My mom and dad pick us up at 5:00. And repeat the process. [20:13.9]
My kids don't see that. My kids see Dad wake up early. I’m up way before everybody, 4:44 at the latest, pretty much seven days a week. It's a habit. It's funny to me like, Dude, you wake up every day. Every day, dude, it's a habit. You don't have habits that you do every day? Do you brush your teeth every day? Do you take a shower every day? Sometimes you might miss on that one, but you're definitely brushing your teeth. Do you take a leak every day? These are habits. You eat every day.
This is the stuff I’m doing, leaving legacies. Death is driving me to do that, by the way. It's my motivator. I don't want the world to be raising my kids because they're, sure in the hell, seriously, as you can see what's going on in this world, it's all fucked up. That's the last thing you'd want, so it's driving me even harder. [21:02.5]
It's how the ME economy comes about. That'll be coming out May 20 to 24, somewhere around there. I’m excited to launch that book with you guys and share that because I think the message will hit home at many levels, many, many levels. It's not just about business, about life, about connection, about results.
But there's the thing I do with videos with my family as well. Hire someone and a videographer, and if you have a limited budget, shoot with your iPhone, but just shoot a video and ask your parents questions one on one. They're going to be sitting side by side and it could be questions like, Mom and Dad, how did you meet? Mom and Dad, what did you do for a living? What do you do for a living? Mom and Dad, what's the funnest vacation you've ever gone on? Mom and Dad, what was it like as a kid? Mom and Dad, how was I as I started getting older? What did you see? You ask them these questions, and what's cool about it is you're video documenting for your grandkids and your kids and beyond. [22:08.3]
We live in a technology age where you can literally document this shit, ask them questions, shoot a video and store it, and it can carry on forever. Have you ever watched those VHS tapes when your grandma, grandpa, great-grandparents or whatever were on them and you'd stop, rewind, play? How did Grandma move? How did Grandpa talk? Did he smoke his pipe or did he smoke a cigarette? What was he doing? What did he really say? What's he wearing? Oh my gosh, look at his hair. Stuff like that. This is a cool way to capture in a very cool environment by just sitting there talking to the camera.
The truth is we did this with my parents. I’ve done this with my parents and in laws, but with my parents, we shot the video and my dad actually got emotional. It wasn't like, Dad, you're dying and these are your final words. It was really like he realized what it's for and, to me, Dad, you're going to die. I couldn’t even be in the room. I actually had a video guy record, ask the questions, because I couldn't even do it because I’d get too emotional as well, and then I just asked the questions and he did an overlay of my questions to my parents. Hey, Dad, blah, blah, blah, boom, and then he answers. [23:20.2]
There are a lot of ways to skin the cat, if you will, but these are things you don't want to leave undone. These are things I’ve never met someone that said, Man, I should have waited longer to do that? Have you? Too many opportunities to connect and, again, for me, death is what drives me to do things that I normally wouldn't do. I’m scared just like you, but fear doesn't stop me. It drives me. [23:53.7]
I’m scared. I’m scared of heights. What do I do? Go to Malaysia—or “Malaysia” if you live there, you know what I mean? It's a different name there—go there, get in the Petronas Towers. It's very high up there. Your palms just … I’m drenched and I can't even get off the elevator, barely, but I do it and I move on. I didn't die. I jumped out of an airplane, 10,000 feet, parachute. I didn't die. I fly. I’ve flown many, many, many times. I haven't died. But there will be a time, hopefully, it's peaceful, and ideally I’ll die in my sleep at a ripe old age of 150 and everyone is around me and I’ve just got done, hanging out with my wife and my kids and grandkids and great-grandkids and we’ve just had a blast and I’m the coolest person in the world. That's ideal, right? Typically doesn't happen in the ideal manner.
So, what drives me is knowing that I’m going to die. What drives me is knowing that our loved ones are going to die as well. Some great people die way sooner than they should and some dipshits almost seem like they'd never die. But one thing I can tell you is if you're aware of death, every day is a new day. [25:10.2]
When you fear, when you're looking at death, you stop worrying about your past mistakes. You stop worrying. I’m not saying not to acknowledge them, but I can't move forward in my life if I’m holding back on all my past mistakes. I mess up every day. Your failures, your losses, your mistakes, whatever.
I still talk to people in 2021 and people are like, Dude, man, the last crash really wiped me out. I was like, Yo, dickhead, you realize it was 2008, 13 fucking years. Do you understand it's 13 years later? Can you come up with a different excuse for why you haven't done something with your life to this point? And the truth is they're carrying all this baggage, excess baggage of the past. See, when the future … death is real. It doesn't seem real because it's not in your thought process every day. I'm not waking up saying, Man, I hope I die today, but I’m very conscious of it. [26:10.8]
It could be a thing. I’m very blessed. Gratitude changes the attitude. You're having a shitty day. I can promise you 150,000 people had a way shittier day. Tell me how many people die every day, 150,000 people or so. It's a bad day. Unfortunately, you have no more days after that bad day. Today we can have a bad day and we wake up tomorrow. That’s a new day. What you do with it is up to you. How are you using death? How are you using the situation? Is that driving you? Hunker down. Like I said, don't.
You're afraid to make that offer maybe on a business or on a real estate deal. What if they make fun of me? What if they do that? Dude, you're worried about what your neighbor thinks when you pull up in the brand new Ferrari. Who gives a fuck what they think? Man, you don't understand my employees. I don't give two shits what my employees think. It's me. I’m me. If you don't fucking like me, why are you even here working with me? It's all about reframing. We've talked about this on many podcast shows, but you've got to reframe that conversation to yourself. [27:13.4]
If you have employees, they like you. They should anyways. They have to like you, they have to respect you, but you want to be a good person, see them accomplish your goals and dreams, and drive them and help them and guide them. But if I pull up in a nice car and they are going to despise me for that, I don't even want them in the company anyway. Why would you? I want people around me. I was thinking about this. I’ve seen the meme before. I don't know where I’ve ever seen it and it was a long time ago, but they always say your circle of friends, if you're not where you want to go, you're not in a circle, you're in a cage because they're holding you hostage with their stinking thinking. They're keeping you crippled because you're worried about what these people are worried about, what they're thinking about you. You're better than that. [28:02.5]
I don't care what people think, nor should you. You’ve got to focus on what makes you happy? What gets you going? If it's a car, if it's a nice house, if it's a nice watch, whatever it is, maybe building a business, maybe giving to charities, maybe all of the above, so be it. Don't let the world around you dictate what you should want and what you get. You make the rules. The question is which rules are you playing by?
I see so many amazing people that could be ten thousand times bigger, a hundred thousand times bigger, but they're so worried about what their loved ones and people around them will think if XYZ happens. “What if I fell?” Who gives a fuck? You're failing by not failing, in my world. “What if I get the car and they get upset and they think I’m trying to show off?” I don't care what they think. It's not about me. It's about them. That's on them. Not me. Why are they not worried about my feelings over here? [29:02.6]
You can't build the life of your dreams, worried about other people's feelings and how they think. It just doesn't work like that. It's holding a lot of you back from the next level, I promise you. I see it every day, every day, everywhere.
So, death, back to it driving me. That’s why I do this podcast show. Audio is around forever. I come up here, I have this thought audit, and I sit down and I just start writing. I’m like, Dude, this is it. I’ve never heard anybody talk about this, death motivating you. Does it motivate you or does it inspire you? Whatever, right?
As I’m sitting here thinking about you, I do know this thing is called a journey and that's what we're on, a journey of life, and we only have a short limited time. Stop wasting it on stupid shit. Stop wasting it on stupid people. Yes, they're stupid people. Stop wasting it on dumb things that don't matter to you because you're trying to impress others. [30:07.3]
Start focusing on you. Start getting clear on what you want. Start getting clear on what you're willing to do to get what you want. I'm not saying this stuff comes easy. I’m not saying it comes without doing anything. You have to bust your ass. But I can tell you this, death is near for all, some sooner than later, heaven forbid. I hope we all have an amazing life. I hope we all have amazing lives and our kids are healthy and our families are healthy, and everything is perfect and peachy. This is not called life. That's not the way it works. How we deal with it, what we take from it, what we learn from it, and what we do with it.
You have to step your game up. You have to get that brain right and that's why you're here, because you're working on it, and I respect that and I appreciate that because I’m doing the same shit every day beside you, every single day, seven days a week, 365 days a year, 366 in a leap year. But I can tell you this, it's go time. It's your time. It's now because tomorrow is not a guarantee in any way, shape or form. [31:11.5]
A lot of people may be asking, Mark, I don't know if it's already sold out or not, but if you are ever interested in doing something high level with me like on the yacht or on the jet, you should definitely get over and Instagram me at @MarkEvansDM. Instagram me and let's see if we can connect. Shoot me a message, say, Yo, man, I heard you on the podcast show. It's fire. Just joking.
But just hit me up. Let me know you're interested in high-level experiences. They're usually five to 10 grand, the experiences. I don't do them often, but I do it once in a while and they're memorable. More importantly, they're very profitable, and the connections you will meet, you'll build so many amazing relationships that will be off the hook with people that are investing in themselves and that's a huge thing. Hit me up @MarkEvansDM. [32:04.0]
I appreciate you guys being here. I hope this vulnerable post and message to you resonates and you can pull positivity from it, because there's nothing negative with this shit, me sharing this. I hope you understand, I’m not negative on death. I’m very positive. I’m very bullish, if you will, on death of what it is, because it could be so much worse. I mean, there are so many other things. I just hope it's all peaceful. I want you guys to go out there and crush it. Thinking about you.
If this message inspired you and touched you, and helped you in any way, please share the post. Please share it on your posts on Instagram or Facebook or wherever, your TikTok or wherever you're at. Let people know what you're up to.
Thank you for being here. Make today count. Peace.
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