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Show highlights include: 

  • How to perfect the balance between living in a bubble and letting the news consume you. (1:51)
  • Finding common ground in your most heated conversations with the Dollar Bill Perspective. (7:41)
  • How to separate yourself from the waves of chaos and anchor right into God’s truth.  (12:10)
  • The Thermostat Mindset for making positive choices (when your environment feels negative). (17:31)
  • Using a student’s essay to become a complex thinker and dig deeper for the truth. (18:57)

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If you have zero energy to focus on yourself and need extra support and accountability from women who know what it’s like to juggle a crazy busy life, then go to https://befitandfierce.com and become unstoppable with us. 

Or, if you want to join a sisterhood dedicated to growing our faith, join our Just Breathe Facebook Group.

Read Full Transcript

Hi there. I'm Jill Allen and this is find your fierce, the show designed for women to discover your fierce, unlock and unstoppable mindset. Build unbreakable courage and completely transform how you show up every single day. Each week I will bring ideas, methods and strategies that will inspire you to step into your greatness and live life on purpose. Let's be fit, fierce and unstoppable.

(00:34): Hey there, gang. Welcome to find your fear so glad you are here. Today's chat. We are kicking off a new series, coffee chat. We are diving in how to Trek through the hard while keeping our peace, our joy, and our sanity, and how to get through the tough conversations and how to show up with a fresh perspective on life, which is all really about communication and the relationships that that we focus on and growing that strong foundation with our faith. But before we dive in, I pray that you will come hang out with us in the, just breathe. It's a, it's a Facebook sisterhood, a place where all women can come together to inspire others, to grow in their faith, to pray, to love, to become more, to celebrate our guests from God and to live out our purpose and God's plan for us as we embark on this journey that we are on together called life.

(01:21): So we definitely want to invite you into that, into that group. And tonight, or today, I am just really excited because I have a friend. Okay. We're partnering up with my friend, Liz [inaudible] and she is my neighbor. It's a crazy story about how we all met and we just kicked it off right away. And she has four girls. She's a wife. She's man. She's a go getter. And we are going to have a lot of fun here these next few weeks. And you're just going to absolutely love her. So Liz, how are you? I am great. How are you? It's so good. I had to chuckle. Okay. Because we talked about this right before you guys, she had to tell me how she say her last name, because I make up words all by myself. And so I practiced that. Did I do okay. You did awesome. Yeah. And I even liked, I liked your made up word. I love it. It's good.

(02:18): It's good. But you know, it's funny that we're even here because I remember when the house was for sale. Okay. And we never really had neighbors and there's the house right next to us. And I remember picking up the girls from school and your little ones, you were looking at the house. My girls went nuts. They were so excited that they were going to have neighbors and let alone, well, for little girls that have no fear that no Jesus know their creator. And she, because of, I mean, you guys it's because of you and what it takes almost over a year and a half for us to officially meet you. Yeah. Yeah. Something like that. Our kids play. I had met Rob, but yeah. For us to make actual connection. No, that's horrible. We're talking like a hundred feet. Okay. So we're like, do you want to go get coffee?

(03:15): Or maybe we should have coffee sometime. And then here we are, we're doing a coffee chat. Here on this, I'm excited about this series Mattel. Yeah. I mean, it's been on my heart. And it's just like, we were on the same page as to kind of what we want to share with everyone who's listening and let's talk about the noise and the chaos. You know, we're always here on find your fierce. We're always uplifting and positive and all that good stuff. So I don't necessarily want to talk about all that doom and gloom, but we have to go through that hard and the test for actually to appreciate what we all have, but we got to get through the muck and gunk and we got to get through the noise. Right? Yeah. Absolutely fair with everything. So what's your take on, I mean, is your head like you're a mom before, so of course, right.

(04:07): So criminalize a lot of noise. There's a lot of the ways just life in general. And then I guess, you know, obviously everybody can agree. Life in general has been noisy, no matter what, your walk of life, there's just been a lot going on a lot of information we're taking in. And so the question is how do you navigate through it? And because we all have to go through it, you know, essentially there's no escaping, we're all, we're all in this together. Yeah. Well, it's funny because I always, like, I always share, you know, for us to be able to have that instant peace or you know, that calm, it's like, okay, we gotta pay attention to, you know, one who we surround ourself with. Yeah, absolutely. To who, you know, what is it that we fuel our minds and hearts with? What is it that we're reading?

(04:54): What are we listening to? Who are we listening to? And it's like, okay, this solution is, you know, that I've always shared is turn the TV off, go listen to a positive podcast, you know, shut it off, shut it down. But then it goes back into the fact that, okay, wait a minute. Are we living in that bubble? Right. Yeah. It's like finding the balance of, we don't want to be completely ignorant of what's going around on around us and even in other people's lives, you know, how can we be compassionate? But at the same time, yeah. Like you said, it's this, it's this tunnel, this never ending spiral, if you allow yourself to go there. So I really think finding a balance is important remembering to be present in today and now with your family, with your friends, whatever it is, like you said, who you surround yourself with and can you get in those groups or who you surround yourself with and kind of tune out the noise, you know, like, can we be present here and now, and still enjoy the moment and still have fun and have joy and all of that.

(05:51): But then obviously also you have, you know, the conversations about what's going on or the noise, you know, it's not about being ignorant of the noise. It's just the balance. It's finding the balance of not letting it. Hmm. I think that's what it is. It's the conscription, because I, you know, I run my businesses and my coaching through social media, I'm on that. And I see it constantly and it breaks my heart, the battles to see the division, to see the hatefulness. And then of course, I try to, you know, I love bringing the light and that positivity, but I'm human and I can get easily into and you want to go in there and you use your voice and share your opinions and vomit over everything. And then it's like, Nope, I got to. And I think we've all been guilty of that. I mean, go through your social media account and just see the mess between politics, between religion, between, you know, what's going on.

(06:51): Oh, the health scare, the Afghanistan everything, and everyone has an opinion. Absolutely. Everybody has an idea about a perspective. How can we, what are your thoughts on how could we can soften our hearts? A lot of hard hearts out there, how can we soften our hearts and actually look through a different lens that we think is 100% absolutely fine, right. Everybody's wrong. Which I think we all do. I mean, how, you know, of course we want to think that the way that we think is always a hundred percent, the only way the truth. And I think one thing that's really important is just being open to conversations and it not being in approaching conversations that not being about being right or wrong so much as it, about being heard and, and hearing and, you know, I know, okay. So for me, it'd be easy to be like, I just want to be heard, of course you do every day, but that's probably exactly how they're feeling as well.

(07:53): And so if we can approach it, being willing to hear, and then in honor, like honoring one another. Okay. Yeah. I hear like, I understand your perspective or these people who don't understand that perspective, but we've heard, and we're trying to understand, but then also, you know, being a dialogue where then you also get to share your perspective and you, you know, what you think, and maybe it's not even in conversation, maybe it's just in research, you know, like I hear one narrative or I've seen, I've heard about, I've learned about one perspective, but I'm going to take the initiative and kind of dig a little deeper into another perspective. I love this. I heard somebody sharing a class that I'm currently part of said, you know, you have a dollar bill, then one person on one side and one person on the other side.

(08:41): And they, they're both looking at the same dollar bill. And this person on the right is saying, you know, this is my perspective. And the person on the left is saying, this is my perspective. They're both actually correct. They're looking at, they just have different perspectives different. And I thought, wow, that's really a good analogy. And so I just think a lot of it is educate yourself, deeper, ask questions. That's huge. Like it should be, you know, we should be okay with asking questions and just really being open to hear, you know, that I think that's where it starts. Your perspective may not change or your, your beliefs may not change. And that's okay. But if we can at least honor each other enough to have conversations or to dig a little deeper and, and, and learn and not be just stuck in my way, you just said like, is the conversation?

(09:32): I mean, obviously that's the communication piece of it, but the conversation when ha I mean, guys, if you're listening to this, it's like, when was the last time that you honestly had a sit down coffee chat face to face conversation, listening to each other's heart and please any experiences and, you know, cause everybody has a different filter, how they see things or why they see things a certain different way or a certain way. When was the last time we've had a conversation between COVID the last 17, 18 months we, hi, yo T w we are behind our computer screens. We're behind the social media and we're not having those interactions as much if we do, it's, it's more of a one sided conversation. So it goes back into kind of hearing and a question I think that we need to kind of reflect on for sure.

(10:25): Is, are we one sided? And I remember sitting in an interview once and they asked me, are you a leader that is black and white, or are you a leader that can see gray? And I'm just like, oh my gosh, years ago, right? On the lack of wisdom with, you know, just not really knowing like, Nope right wrong, right. Boom, outta here. Like, it just it's my way or the highway kind of thing. And now as we grow or mature in our faith and our experiences in our compassion, we're able to see from different perspectives yeah. Through different, through a different lens. It's really easy. And as we're seeing things on with different perspective, it's like we can really fit like the mode or the narrative or our agenda or our story that is aligned with our quote right way, right. Or our thinking you agree.

(11:32): I mean, we see that you can turn on the TV and the guys, I'm just throwing this out there, but you turn on Fox. They're going to have one narrative. You turn on CNN, they're going to have a narrative. Absolutely. Same story, different narratives. How, how do we do that? Digging deep, deep, how can we flip the script? How we even get a different lens because there has somewhere absolutely has to be a foundation of truth. I mean, I, I would, I don't know how you get there without digging deeper, without hearing another perspective. And then, you know, when it comes to like truth in general, from a faith perspective, you know, he's the foundation, God is foundation of all theories. And so even when we talk about the noise and, and again, this doesn't just apply to politics or health stuff. It's every area of life, you can be the stay at home mom like me.

(12:24): And there's, there's a whole different type of noise that you deal with and where you can be a busy work working mom and your kids are in school. And there's a whole set of noise that comes with that. So just noise in general, you know, again, it's, can we talked about not isolating ourselves completely, but there is something to be said for separating ourselves from noise, whatever that noise is to have some time to be quiet, to have some time to reflect. And for me, it's processing it with the Lord, you know, like, okay, God, I, there is all of this and there is so much going on and help and really just asking for wisdom and discernment and knowing what is truth, what is actual foundational truth? Because the guy's conceptions of another thing too, you know, that's just a real thing. And so that, that's why for me, I process everything with the Lord.

(13:16): But then also when it comes to just different narratives of different lenses, I don't know how to get another lens other than to open myself up to hearing another, whether it be news, whether it be a conversation with somebody, whether it be research, I mean, internet has made it so easily accessible. You can watch a YouTube video on anything. So if you want to learn another perspective, okay, this is maybe what I believe or what I think I I've heard of this other perspective, pull up some YouTube videos here, people out, you know, there's a lot that read books, you know, that's another thing too. Then we have a lot at our disposal that can help just here, help you hear other perspectives. But then ultimately from there, I, I, it was personally, it's like taking it all to the Lord. Okay, Lord what's truth.

(14:02): And help me to understand and make a decision best for me. So you put, you, you put something in my heart, we do the research, but it has to start. I feel that it has to start with the questions that we were asking. Yeah, absolutely. Because we can find anything like when we can, that the narrative can be fit to any type of perspective. I mean, it's the questions that we ask if we're not asking the right questions. Right. We can find anything. I mean, it's justification for, I mean, our kids are really good at that. I mean, yeah, it really is. But it starts with the questions that we're asking or not asking. Wow, okay. This is good. You know, here's, here's the thing. Once we identify that and we have that again, that clarity, that disagreement, that wisdom, I'm putting it out there.

(14:59): Cause I, you know, I've experienced it personally myself. Yes. Not everyone is going to like you as someone who voices or believes or stands on truth. So the question is, are we willing to stand alone? My hands are like sweating. Cause it's like, oh man, we're putting this out there. We are really talking about tough stuff for me personally. Cause I awkward because this is a conversation that I don't want to have. It's like, oh, I want to be liked. I want to go with the flow. I don't want to go with the grain. I want to go against the grain flow. Are you going with, you know, like who's stand-alone I know you are. That's probably why we connect so much. Yeah, it is absolutely definitely a constant reoccurring question. I would say, you know, my life, because I think we all inherently have, we were created for connection and for community.

(15:54): And so we all want to have community, you know, there's something in us, we're just created that way and that's, that's fine. And that's good. But ultimately what is my highest aim who, you know, is like, who are we, what's the most important thing I'm living for? And, and it's not even that guides like you have to stand alone and nobody will ever like you, you know, I think we've kind of talked about how, you know, get your community, you know, you get your community, but essentially above all else, it's like, are we willing to, am I willing to be the only voice that sounds a little different? And I think how we communicate that too, is this important to like how we, how we stand alone in an and you know what I mean? Like the integrity of our heart and stuff like that.

(16:35): So yeah. Which we can dive into that. I think, you know, too with how, how we can share a lot. I know we're going to kind of dive into that a little bit too, but standing up, I mean it's scary. It absolutely is. Yeah. Can be. But now that he's got you, you know, that's, that's the anchor, I guess, for the soul. Cause it's the stole that one city that gets scared and question, and I don't know if I can do this. Sometimes our, our soul, our mind, our will and our emotion kind of gets all, all worked up, but he's the anchor for our soul and he is truth and truth is the anchor Versal so, well we need something, we need that because it's, if we don't have that anchor, we're going to go with this noise and then whatever is tomorrow, we're going to go with that.

(17:17): And then we're going to go with that. And we're just kind of going everywhere. And then there goes our joy. There goes our sanity. There goes our people. Exactly. Yes, that's good. I have an analogy I've heard actually. I thought it was really good. It's an analogy of a thermostat, you know, do you come into a room and just take the temperature of the room? So you're going to fit into whatever is whatever the vibe is going on at the time. Are you just part of it? Where are you going to be a temperature setter? You know? Or you can come in and that's true, you know, in noise we talk about noise and how sometimes in the noise it can get really negative and you lose, you know, I don't, I don't know. I don't know that I know anybody who can, who can say that they keep their peace.

(17:54): And then in a really negative situation, if you go into a room and that's the environment that set, you can be the, if you're willing to stand alone, the one who kind of changes the temperature, that's the temperature to a new level and, and flip the script, you know, like that, like you always say flip the script. So I thought that was a great analogy. No, it's like bring the heat fired up, fired up. Yeah. I mean, be that, that temp it, but it's a choice. It has a choice. It has the choice. It's a choice to be intentional too against fo you know, what is it that we're focusing on? Choose what we're focusing on. What can we, okay. I know guys, we're going to give you guys challenges here in these next few weeks. And I, I always give you guys questions to reflect on, but here I think we're going to even just go one step further, not just the questions, but actually some action steps for you to get out there and focus on this week.

(18:51): And this one I, to me is it can be challenging. I got to share a story for, so my son, he went off to college and this and that, and he had an English assignment and he wrote his essay. He did, you know, the work and this and that. And he didn't get a really good grade on it. Not because there were some errors grammatically or anything like that. He actually received a very like an F guys, just to be honest on this, because it wasn't in line with the teacher's lens and beliefs and perspective. Okay. And so he was, so he was like, worked up. This is crazy. This is, you know, I mean, Dom you know, 18 year old kid saying this is insane. And so what he did the remainder of the semester, thankfully he had to write in the way as his teacher see now black and white.

(19:49): Okay. Go back to the black and white question. I'm black on black and white on this. Okay. To me, I personally think no way it's wrong. Okay. But the beauty of it was, and I even shared this with him is, do you realize what you were able to do? Yeah. Yeah. Able to let the script and write it from a completely different, different perspective, a belief that maybe you didn't believe, think it challenged you. So it was this, this was this, the teacher's intention. Probably not odds are no, but I'm telling you, he did. He ended up getting an a on all his other papers. Okay. The whole thing, but it goes back to the questions. Are we asking, are you one sided, right. Are you willing to do the other side? Are you willing to look at different ways and views and through a different lens, I'm willing to peel back those layers and do your research and dig deep.

(20:49): Yeah. So do you want to tell them, you want to tell them the homework on this, because this is what we're going to be doing. We're flipping the script on our journalists. Well, we really just want to challenge you to dig deeper, you know, get some books taught if, you know, if somebody, you know, have conversations, even as simple as like Jill said, you know, you turn on Fox news or CNN, but dive in kind of research, learn, be intentional about learning about another perspective, fairly simple, just be open to hearing and educating yourself. Makes me think of the, he kind of wrote an argument paper, you know, and I remember he can now view both sides. That's incredible. Okay. Is that what they call it? An argument paper. Yeah. I think it probably in debate class or, you know, communications class. Right. Wow. Like a defense attorney.

(21:38): Yeah. So essentially that, you know, be willing to, okay. I'm going to research a little bit. You're not going to be graded on it. I'm encouraging you to try to see from another perspective or just learn, not even saying it to green, but educate ourselves. It starts there with the questions we ask, right? Yeah. Yeah. I think too, if we can go into it with a open heart, the willingness to learn, be curious, F Y that was one question I thought of why, why is this this way? Or why is this that's huge. Just, just for that. Yeah. And then what I think when we get the answer, ask one more question. Yeah. Dig deeper when you get there, ask another question and dig deeper. And so we can get down to that root and before you know, it, that truth is going to be there as well.

(22:28): Exactly. Yep. I love it. I am going to be, I'm telling you what these chats are going to be. Absolutely amazing. I'm just so glad you have a blog, what you want on the blog, because we got to get people like, oh, with a friend it's a friend and I actually do it together called new light. It had been called coffee, coffee talks previously. So when she mentioned that this was his theories, I was like, no way. That's crazy. But it was switched to new life. So you can check that out as went through Wix and yeah, I would just love to have you there just sharing life and stories and Jesus and all things encouragement, and hopefully you'll feel encouraged. Oh yeah, no, this is exciting. We'll definitely put that link in the show notes as well. So thanks so much. I know we're going to be coming back here next week.

(23:14): And so we are going to be looking through life with a different lens and in a different way, and we're going to shed some light on that fresh perspective. And so that's something to think about here this week. And I love the series so far and I, yeah, that you're going to love it as well and leave a feedback and some review and make sure that you share it with someone today as well. And of course, if you've not grabbed a copy of my book, set free head on over to Amazon, check that out. And if you have a story or a testimony or a review that you want to share, please do that. It kicks it out to help actually help more women. And so, yeah, I would so appreciate it. And a heads up on the next episode, we are continuing the coffee chat and we will be talking about sharing love through hard disagreements and division. So be sure to come back and check that out. Thanks so much for joining us today. Please subscribe, share this episode, link on your social media. If you felt encouraged or inspired, as we all know someone that can benefit, I would love it. If you would give some feedback and a review as well, talk to the next time, be fit, be fierce, the unstoppable. See ya.

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