Have a podcast in 30 days

Without headaches or hassles

In this episode, you’ll discover… 

  • Why “faking it until you make it” nukes your business career and your home life (4:08)
  • How telling your wife about your anxiety jumpstarts your healing process (especially if you think sharing makes you seem weak) (6:40)
  • Why imposter syndrome creates physical anxiety (and how relying on God helps you feel confident in your abilities) (11:33)
  • Do you feel too old to start a business? Here’s why starting a business in your 50’s can be more fulfilling than starting one in your 20’s (12:46)
  • Why sharing your most humiliating mistakes with your kids brings them closer to God and makes them more independent (16:25)
  • The “Spouse Comparison Journal Challenge” that makes you chomp at the bit to give more support to your partner (29:07)
  • How to transform frustration with your spouse into pure love in 5 minutes (or less) (32:01)
  • The “Turning and Serving Approach” that prevents you from suffering a grey divorce like Jeff Bezos and Bill Gates have (32:32)

If you’d like to connect with Ken, you can find him on LinkedIn here: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kenbramble or send him an email at ken.bramble@hubinternational.com.

If you’re feeling stuck, are lacking confidence, or you’re inconsistent, I want to help you. I’m launching another round of The Confident & Consistent Leader Program on September 6th to help you grow in the four main areas of your life: You, marriage, parenting, and business. To check out this program before it launches, head over to https://www.corymcarlson.com/leadership/.

Are you crushing it at work but struggling at home? If you want to learn how to win at home, then go to https://CoryMCarlson.com and download your free copy of “10 Ways To Win At Home.”

If you're looking for a resource to help you with these times when your work is now in your home, check out my book Win At Home First on Amazon. Forbes Magazine rated it one of 7 books everyone on your team should read

Read Full Transcript

Before we get started today's podcast. I'm excited to share with you that the confident and consistent leader challenge is back. We launched our next group on September six in June, we had 11 leaders go through it and the feedback was fantastic. Brad who's a wealth manager said the challenge was extremely helpful and relevant to not only his business, but as a father and a husband, Steven who's a COO said his wife was sad. That challenge was over because she felt the difference it made in his life. Yes, I know it is only 30 days, but with daily emails and videos sprinkled throughout the 30 days, it is high intentionality. We have accountability through the different live group. Coaching calls. Change is possible, whether you want to grow personally, and that may be getting back to the gym, growing spiritually, growing in your marriage, or it's professionally. You want to identify the vision and values for your company. You want to improve culture, whatever it may be. We will identify those at the beginning of the challenge, and then through a bunch of different exercises and activity, you will in fact, see growth on the other side, visit Corey M carlson.com forward slash leadership to learn more as well as register. And we will get started on September 6th. And I'm so excited to see this next group of leaders grow. Thank you very much and on to today's podcast.

Welcome to the win at home first podcast. I'm your host, Cory Carlson. This podcast is where we talk about how successful business leaders win, not only at work, but also at home. On this podcast, we will go behind the scenes with great leaders to hear stories of how they win. Thank you for listening and on to today's episode.

(02:02): Hello, this is Corey Carlson. You're listening to the winter home first podcast today. I'm joined by Ken Bramble and had a chance to have a great conversation with them about a month ago and was just looking so forward to bringing his, his wisdom, his experiences to the one home first podcast. From the standpoint, he has done a lot of neat things throughout his whole life from being an, you know, a triathlete competed in an iron man. He started a business when he was 50 years old and it just continues to just kind of push new frontiers. He's a father of two boys in college, married for 26 years and just is continued just to, to, to grow and learn. And I look forward to this conversation. So thank you very much, Ken, for being on the went home first podcast. Well thank

(02:56): You. I'm looking forward to it as well. Ken, what that key trait to win at work and went home. Just you'll hear more about my story here, but I think that a key trait for me and something that I it's not necessarily, I strive to, it's just kind of the way that I'm built is just, it's kind of two things, vulnerability and transparency. Those two seem to come a lot together. And you know, when my mother was young and we were in line at the store and we get out to the parking lot and we're like, who's that lady you were talking to in line? And she's like, I don't know. I just met her, you know, while we were in line and we called mom crazy for that, you know, she's crazy to just talk to anybody. And then now, today that's exactly what I do every day. I meet with people every morning or every, you know, over coffee and tell them my whole life story and tell him who I am and what I'm about, you know, used to be.

(03:43): You're crazy for that. And now you get praised for being transparent, vulnerable, and it's not, it's not something I strive to do. It's just the way that I'm built, because I'm just like my mom, when, you know, when you line up my sisters and my parents and who's, who's who certainly my mom for the most part. And so I know that I have that in me. It's not something I've worked at something that just comes natural. It's just, we're in a different space now in the world is a different place where that's a lot more yeah.

(04:08): For the individual who's listening is like, all right, that sounds great. Everyone talks about vulnerability and it's a trendy word. Or how do you encourage people to be more vulnerable and transparent? Because a lot of times it's, it's kinda keep the veneer. I gotta look tough. I gotta look, I got my, all my stuff figured out. How have you encouraged people to be vulnerable and transparent, or even in your own life, those moments that you had to push through it.

(04:34): Yeah. I'll tell you what drove me that way. 10 years ago took a big new job, bought a great new house, joined a nonprofit board and started a church plant all at the same time. And yeah, that's a lot at once. But for me, the big job that I took was something I kind of sold myself into. You know, we're taught when you come out of school, fake it till you make it and tell them you can do it and you'll figure it out later. The problem with that is it makes you wear a mask every day and you're trying to be somebody you're not. And the pressure of that just took me to my knees, to my knees so much that I'm carrying a target bag around. In my overcoat case, I have to get sick on my way home from the office, from the anxiety.

(05:13): But what it taught me was I'm never going to wear that mask again. I'm just going to be who I am. And the freedom that you get from that is massive. Shortly after that, a partner of our friend of mine asked me if I wanted to come in and be a partner with him on a business. And because I learned from that lesson, I said, I'd love to explore that with you. I'm going to be very direct with you. And here's what I'm good at. Here's what I'm not good at. I'm not going to tell you I can do something when I don't think I can. And that was a really good partnership based on a great foundation, because we were both very straight with who we are and what our strengths were just so happened in that case, they fit really well together. And, and as I've gone into other ventures down the road, it's, that's the thing living through that experience is what me to be vulnerable because I know not being that way is presenting myself as somebody that I'm not.

(06:03): And I'm just setting myself up for failure that way. So personally, that's, that's kind of how I've done it. I do think that you're built that way a little bit. I think if you're not built that way, it's hard to overcome. I don't know what that feels like because it's natural for me to do that and be that way. But you know, you get taken to your knees and makes you change pretty quick on how you go about, you know, being who you are and being open and honest with who you are. And that that's kind of what did it for me

(06:30): Back to that moment 10 years ago, how long were you in that valley of carrying a target bag in your jacket or the fear of having an anxiety attack? Yeah, It was, it was hard. I mean, especially concerning that for 20 years, I've been so active in the sport of triathlon and training every day and all of that. And I would have friends say when they found out about it, they would say, well, why don't you just go for a run and make you feel better? I'm like, you don't understand, man. I can't put one foot in front of the other right now. Like the weight on my shoulders. I wake up in the middle of the night sweating. And the last thing I can think about as training, cause it attacks me physically when, when that happens and I just couldn't get myself to move. And so really for the first three months or so, I kept it to myself. Didn't tell my best friend at home, my wife about it, you know, for three months.

(07:18): And she probably knew something was up, but I certainly wasn't talking about it. And then I just got to a point where I was on a corner. I just couldn't take it anymore and shared with her. And that led to a conversation with one of my best friends. Who's my pastor and his wife, which we refer to as the kitchen table moment where I kind of let it all out and let them know what was going on. And then, because they got involved all of that as part of that healing process and kind of getting back on your feet. So I think the marker that I use is in September of that, this was in January and September of that year, I prepared and ran for a half marathon. And that just proved to me that I was back on my feet. I was able to get two more daily, normal routine activities and all that kind of thing. But it that's that's about how long it took for me to get back to kind of being who I was and feeling normal and all that kind of thing and understanding how to operate in this world where I was pretty uncomfortable, but I had to figure out a way to make it work if I was going to keep moving forward.

(08:18): So even those days that you were sick or anxious, what was going to happen, where were you at with your faith? So I'm glad you asked that question. Cause that's, that's exactly where I went. I mean, for, for the first two months I wandered around kind of aimlessly, praying a little bit about it, but not really knowing what to do. And, and when we had that kitchen table moment, I remember looking at my pastor, who's a good friend of mine for a lot of years. And he had a kind of a little smirk on his face and I was like, what are you smiling about? And he goes, man, I wish God would break me like that. And at the time my reaction was you can, it, I don't want any of this, like take it all back right now. I look back on it. I know exactly what he meant because that, that time in my life was such a turning point in, turned me into who I am today.

(09:07): His wife introduced a book to me at that time. That's an allegory, it's a story that runs alongside scripture and the characters are in that book spoke so much to me. And I literally, when you, when you talk about repair, instead of getting up at 5:00 AM and running, I was getting up at 5:00 AM and running down the steps to get into this book and just spend time with God every morning. And so I think that's what he meant by. I wish God would break me because it makes us run so hard to him. And that's what I did in that moment was just, and for days after, you know, for a couple of months, ran really hard to him every morning and spend time with him, spend time in that book. And it, that, that helped a lot with kind of the repair and the road back to normalcy was the name of that book.

(09:52): Yeah. So it's a book that's written for women by a woman it's called Heinz feet and high places. I've recommended it to people before that have looked at me and like I have three heads and said, what is, what are you talking about? I've recommended to people that it really spoke to, it's got to speak to you. It's got to be the right fit. But in very limited terms, it's about a goat that's in the valley that is trying to get to the high places where all of his family is the name of the goat in the story as much afraid. And that's exactly where I was. I was scared to death. And the journey of getting to those high places is coming into contact with all of these things and these emotions that you go through when you're dealing with anxiety and all of that, it's a genius in my opinion, way to write a book along those lines.

(10:43): And so, you know, much afraid is in the valley and broken, crooked teeth, broken legs, all of that, and goes on this journey to get to the high places I got so engaged in the story and it following my path, as you follow along the story, there will be, there will be victories and then there'll be falls again and victories again. And I remember like a month into the book where I'm like halfway through and there was this big victory in the book and I'm like, no, man, I'm not there yet. Like, I'm not ready. I'm not ready for this all to be over. There's still a lot of work to be done here. And that's, that's how connected I was to that story. So it was, it was just massive for me. It just really, really spoke to me,

(11:21): Caused you to be anxious in that work environment 10 years ago. I mean, were you doing something out of your skillset? Was the pressure too high? Yeah. I don't know how familiar you are with this. It was something that I experienced, but I didn't know there was a label for it, but this term imposter syndrome, I don't know.

(11:43): Unfortunately I've done it myself, but yeah. Yeah. And so, you know, the way I explain it to everybody is, you know, I walk into a meeting room with 10 other people. I'm the dumbest guy in the room. Soon as I walk in, I know that everybody in there smarter than I am. Right. And that's, that's kind of that imposter syndrome. And, and so to your point, I took over an operation that had a younger team that had, that needed some experience and needed some direction. And so not only was I not confident in my abilities, but I was fielding questions all day of things that I wasn't really exactly sure how to handle anyway. And it just really piled on. So that's what the calls of it was. Like I said, there were a lot of things going on at one time, but that imposter syndrome of taking that role and not feeling like I was qualified or ready for it is what drove most of it.

(12:31): So syndrome people think that we're gonna, you know, see where fraud as far as our leadership abilities, whatever it could be definitely can relate to that. As I know about every listener can fast forward. I was, that was very interesting. I, you mentioned starting a company when you're 50 and a lot of times people think I can't start anything too late in life and that my time has passed, but you said, no, I'm going to start it. Didn't you have imposter syndrome hit you then of, Hey, you shouldn't be a business owner or it's too late in life or there you're going to be the, not the smartest guy in the room. How did you battle imposter syndrome this time? Well,

(13:13): Interestingly, so I'm an I'm in the field of employee benefits. That's where I've spent my whole career for 25 years, helping you get five points off that renewal was the only conversation I was going to have a hard time getting engaged and being super excited about it. But I did see that there was a huge focus in the last three to five years before I started this on mental health awareness and recognizing that people were looking to their employers for help around those kinds of concerns, financial wellness, mental health, wellness, those kinds of things. And because I had had my own experience, I decided that the way that I was going to build my business was to just share my testimony. And so I always draw the comparison that when I was back in those days, if I go and I can see a specific ones that I went to a lunch meeting with eight other professionals, and I walked in, they're gone.

(14:06): I hope they don't ask me a question. I don't know the answer to it cause it's really going to show them that I don't have any idea what I'm doing. And I walk into every single meeting now, 100% confident that I know exactly what I'm talking about because it's my story. And nobody, nobody knows more about it than I do. And so now there are technical aspects to my role that I still don't know everything. There is no about everything, but I have enough people around me that I'm comfortable, that we're going to be able to handle that side of it. But a lot of my business is growth and finding new relationships and new clients and all of those meetings start with us having the, a lot of the same conversation that we're having right here. When I started it, I felt confident that God had put me through that trial and that time for a reason. And I think a big part of that reason is to build this business today. And so I catch myself a lot of times saying, man, I wish I would have done this when I was 25. But every time I say that I always stop and say, but I I'm not who I am today. I wasn't that person at 25. And I wouldn't have been able to do what I'm doing today because I wouldn't have had the experiences and the growth and all that's happened over the last 25 years since then.

(15:17): Good point. I too have, man, I wish I would have started coaching earlier, but I can coach from a position of brokenness in my own personal life or, or brokenness or achievement and the corporate world. And so you bring a whole nother facet to it. You mentioned sometimes they ask you questions and you don't have the answer, but you're okay with it now. And it probably had something to do with identity. And 10 years ago, someone asked you a question, your identity is tied to how much, you know, and now you understand your identity is not tied to your knowledge instead to your relationship with God. Yup.

(15:53): Yeah, absolutely. And I'm glad you made that parallel and drew that comparison because you know, yes, I'm building a business and yes, I have to support my family and all that sort of thing. But I also believe that God put me through that and it's my responsibility to be a light to others. And so, because I have such a high level of activity of being in front of people, one-on-one I get to share that story with everybody I sit down with and that's an opportunity for me to share God's light and just share that he was there for me. When I ran to him one of the best pieces of advice I ever got at that kitchen table from my buddy, who's my pastor and my kids, my two boys were 10 and seven at the time. And he said, share this with your boys, which, you know, as a man is the last thing you want to do.

(16:40): You don't want to, you don't want them to see dead broken and dependent and all those things. And I shared with my boys that I was broken and that I was going to have to lay it at God's feet and trust in him to get me through it. And because I was given that advice at that moment, I've shared with them a lot of other things along the way that probably our dads wouldn't have shared with us. Right. But it just gives them an opportunity to see your dependence on God and on your path. And it was just really, really good advice that helped me in the following 10 to 12 years.

(17:14): I love that so many listeners need to hear that they're not doing it. I was very fortunate to have a vulnerable and transparent dad, which is very nice, but there was this moment of being a parent where I was making mistakes and I wasn't disclosing it and, and all those components, but then to start to share it and see what it does to that relationship. Because I think two things, you mentioned, the dependency that we have on God that they get to see, which is a big piece, but also to realize that we're broken as well, that we're going to screw up because our kids are going to screw up and it doesn't give them permission to go screw up, meaning that's okay. There's no consequences. There's still some consequences on bad decisions. Instead it allows them to know it's okay to mess up. It's okay to need help. And that's just, that's been a big piece. And then in our house, it's say, sorry, say you're forgiven because it just helps with that whole restoration process.

(18:20): Well, and I think there's such a, a greater acceptance for brokenness for not being a robot and not always being right and always being effective. We're not robots. And I think that my dad worked for Bethlehem steel for 42 years. He was the best man in my wedding. There's none better. Nobody's got a better dad than I do. Right. And he worked hard. He was always there for me, all that. And there was no cracks in that growing up. I'm sure there were cracks, but I never saw them, you know? And that's because that's what the world demanded of a father, you know, 40 years ago or whatever. And now the world is I think a lot more accepting of we're all people and we're all struggling and it's all a challenge. You know, I'll try and make this quick, but when you're going through the anxiety for the first time, you always think you're the only one, right?

(19:13): Nobody else feels like I feel. And w for me, when it all came to a head, I was invited to a morning industry breakfast with 250 people in the room. And those are, you know, this is 10 years ago. So everyone's in cufflinks and ties and suits, and everyone's all geared up and looking good and dressed up and all that. It's the last place I wanted to be. And I walk into this breakfast and the, and the reaction you have when you're feeling that way, as you look around and you go come, everybody else has it all figured out, and I'm such a mess. And that day, the speaker was a gentleman named Ryan Lefever, who is the voice of the Royals here in Kansas city. And he's written a book about his challenges with anxiety, and he was there to talk about his book that day.

(19:58): And so all I see are all these beautiful people that have all figured out and all of a sudden, the most beautiful guy in the room, the one that the podium is telling me that he feels exactly the way I feel and he doesn't have it all figured out. And I went and bought his book. And I've since gotten an opportunity to circle back with Ryan and tell him that he's part of this journey and part of this story, because it was a big turning point for me that day, that I wasn't the only one. And so that's just where God comes into all this. As he put me on this path where I get to make a living out of sharing his light and shining and sharing that story,

(20:34): As he says, we are made strong in our weakness. And I think that, I mean, that is exactly what it's all about it. I know in my, my own brokenness in my life is know we talked in a previous conversation, but you know, part of my story is I screwed up early on and had an affair for a long time. I kept that close to the vest because I was ashamed. I was embarrassed and had this incredible, cool God moment where I decided to come clean on it. And not only was that great for our marriage, obviously. And, but then it changed my career where now I go and talk with other leaders about not that everyone is having a fair, but it shows, Hey, we've all screwed up, but we're not defined by our mistakes. We're not, those are not chains that need to hold us down anymore.

(21:20): And what's incredible. We talk about the parenting aspect of all those different pieces. Just last night, there was a conversation of about me having my affair at the dinner table because of just some different stories that were going on, it was brought up and the kids who asked them questions, I don't like to revisit at all. I mean, this sucks, but by revisiting it, my hope and my prayer is that my kids don't fall in the same trap I did because some of that was, I was going for approval and others, my identity was tied to my success. And when those were happening, I went and looked elsewhere. So for you being vocal about the mental health piece, if anyone starts to go down that path, hopefully before they even have to even put a target

(22:06): Bag in there, we've gotten the help that they needed before that moment. Thank you very much for listening to today's episode. I hope you're joining it so far before we go back to the rest of this episode. I want to share with you my book when at home first, some of you have read it. So thank you very much for others of you. You have not. And I encourage, if you're looking for a resource to help you with these times of your work is now in your home and your home is now in your work. And what this looks like. This book is being helpful to many leaders like you whores magazine said it was one of seven books. Everyone on your team should read in the book is broken up into four different sections to help you versus about you. Understand who you are. The second is marriage in ideas and tips to help with your marriage. Third is parenting and the last is work. So these four different sections to help you recalibrate during this time and to help move forward. So if you are needing additional resource, I encourage you to check out my book went home first. It is available on Amazon, as well as audible and so on to the rest of the episode. Thank you very much

(23:20): With your two sons. They were growing up in the house. How did you lead from a faith perspective? How did you lead spiritually in the home? Yeah, it's, it's interesting because I, I mentioned my dad and, and I was, I had an opportunity to kind of give a testimony of my, of my faith and where it came from at my church recently while my parents were in town. So the privilege that I was given to do that, and it was 10 minutes, it wasn't a big deal, but the opportunity I had to look my parents in the eye and thank them for the opportunity or the path that they gave me. So my mom was, I was brought up in a Christian home, got saved on those nine years old, used to sit on the front pew when my mom was in the choir loft, and everybody thought I was going to be a preacher kid, you know, a preacher when I grew up and all that stuff. But my mom was the, really the faith leader in my home.

(24:17): My dad was busy working, right? Like he's working, worked his way up at a steel organization or steel plant. And I've watched his faith bloom since he's retired and had more time to spend time in the word in the mornings and all those kinds of things. But, you know, they both played their own roles in building who I am from a faith perspective. Dad taught me what it looks like to work hard. Mom told me what it looks like to go to price with everything you have. And so that's the foundation that I have from growing up and, you know, just like most you go to college and you get off track and you say, God I'll be back. You know, and lucky for me, he was, he was patient with me and allowed me to be a goofball for a while and kind of make my way back.

(25:01): I remember these days, well, I'll get to it then, or I'll get to it when this mark gets reached or whatever, you know, and lucky for me, he was patient with all that. But, you know, from a faith perspective, I just had you talk about people having the luck of being built, being born certain places in the world, like how lucky are we to be born in the United States with all the resources that we have available to us, it's pure luck. But, you know, I was kinda lucky enough to be born into a family where I got the right example of how to follow through on your faith and how to make that part of your life. And so it's, I just, I, you know, it's just like when I do triathlon, it's just like, when somebody taught me how to connect with people, to try and find a job, just give me the training plan and tell me what medicine to take every morning. That's just like, you know, my faith journey

(25:51): Today, as you just go about your day, what does your daily routine look like to invest in God, to get your mind right. To get in that right. Mental state, just so you know, you don't drink it's backwards, but the

(26:04): Standard, the gold standard is I get up every morning at five. I spend time in the word start my day. Right. You know, and I'm just going to be transparent and straight with you. I cannot get myself to do it. And the reason I can't get myself to do it is I'm actually not training for triathlon as much as I used to. That's kind of waning a little bit, but I'm still trying to keep I'm great at a hundred miles an hour. I'm great at zero miles an hour, I suck at 50 miles an hour and I'm trying to figure out 50 miles an hour right now. And that means getting up and doing a little run or whatever, as opposed to a very focused, you know, training regimen is so hard for me, cause my wheels are already taken off for the day. And I, and trying to get this business going and all that stuff.

(26:42): And it's a challenge for me to figure out where that time fits and where I spend time with him on a daily basis. It's something that I haven't figured out that I'm still working on. I would love to say that, you know, I get up at five, I run till six, I shower I'm in the word at six 30. I, you know, I, but I can do all that and then get in the word at six 30 and by 6 33, I'm thinking I got stuff to do, man. I got to get moving. And so I'm, I just have a really hard time with that. And I've kind of released myself a little bit of the, I have to do it that way because it's not, it doesn't quite work for me as well as it does for others. I there's been times in my life where it worked, but it's just, it's just really, really hard for me to satisfy right now.

(27:24): So I find time with him when I can here and there. And, and you know what that is quite honestly, my highest priority right now is my son is off to college in two weeks. My wife just started the pursuit of a master's degree in Christian counseling. And so our lives are greatly changing right now in that it's quiet around the house. My wife is involved with a new cohort and a group of people in a, in a pursuit of a degree and all of that. And my main focus right now is on turning around and serving her. She's been a servant to me and my boys for the last 28 years. And I'm really focused on one, making sure that we don't go our own ways that I go way down the path of building my business. She goes way down the path of pursuing her education, that I support her in that and that I stay close to her in that.

(28:21): And then to that, that we grow together in that time, as opposed to taking full advantage of all the downtime. Like I, you know, she's got class Tuesday night, cool, I'm going to go do this. Well, maybe I can do something a little more productive for me or end for her during that time, as opposed to doing the zero miles an hour on the couch watching discovery. And so that's quite honestly from a faith perspective of my time with God, that's what I'm really focused on right now is figuring out what it looks like to be a better servant to her as she focuses on this education, time, Time serving. And we serving our spouse, we're supposed to do it. And we're just so busy building our careers, building our lives and the kids that we can forget.

(29:08): Yeah. I got a challenge for you. I did it this morning and I, I don't like talking about journaling cause it sounds like I'm super, you know, committed to it and I'm not. I try and do it when I can, but I did. I did have some time this morning and journal and I was kind of writing prayers out loud about what we just talked about. And I wrote a list of all the things that she does and wrote a list of all the things that I do. And I wrote in the notes. Wow. And what I mean by that is my list was grow a business, mow the grass and do some stuff around the house. That was literally, that was it. And then when you talk about who runs the finances, who buys all the groceries? I mean, when I, when I compared the list, it was really an opener for me. That's my challenge is sit down and do that once and just see where you fall.

(29:56): Well, challenge accepted. And because I've kind of done a version of that before, and I've been, I'll do it again because it's so eyeopening because Holly runs the house. I mean, she's the CEO of the house. Does everything store, make sure kids gotta be everywhere they can. And I think I'm a hero when I do one carpool, you know, it's like, Hey I, and it just offered me. Yeah. Look at me. I'm amazing. One thing a mentor told me and I thought, I thought maybe you go down this path, but I love what you talked about because I do want to do kind of that just because it brings such awareness. We are so much in our own world of what we think we do. I, I love this quote. I actually included in, in my book because I had seen someone else do it or, you know, they, they mentioned it, but we grade ourselves based off our intentions, but we grade other people off their actions.

(30:54): That's really good. So Yeah, I, when I saw it just like that's, and that's, it's in the marriage section of the book, but, but this whole idea that if I think about doing something, then I'm an amazing husband, you know, but I I'm really watching Holly. I see exactly what she does, which is just absolutely awful, not fair. It's really good. But the thing I was going to mention on the, the journaling, because I am, I love journaling. That's a big piece of kind of how I grow in my faith, because if I don't journal, then I am distracted. I go right to my to-do list. I go to email, but if I journal and I use an old school Bible, because there's no technology. Cause once I go technology I'm toast, I know what you mean. And so I'm journaling, it keeps me moving. And then if I do have a work thought, I literally, I mean, I have a piece of paper off to the side of what it is.

(31:50): So I just write it down like, oh, I need email so-and-so and then I go back to journaling because I used to say, don't think about it. But the whole time I'm thinking about, you know, mail bill, email bill, and trying to read them. But the mentor said, whenever you get frustrated at your spouse, write down all the reasons that you love them. And as you do that, the whole anger just turns into a, oh man, oh, they probably just screwed up. I should have some more grace. And so on. If you went through my journal, there are a few days where it's like, oh, he must have been mad at her. The list of the good stuff. Look at all the praise.

(32:27): Yeah. Oh, he must have done something wrong to get in trouble and mad. I coach individuals who are in that phase that you're in that empty nester phase approaching it. And it is crazy the amount of unfortunate divorces that happen or they don't get divorced and they just be roommates. And I'm so glad you mentioned that because there's probably some listeners just thinking about, well, what do I do now? Here I am. And so the idea of you turning and serving is going to be super helpful for some individuals. All

(33:04): Of a sudden I'm feeling the difference. You know, just the kind of gaps in time that are available now that didn't use to be available. And I've just all of a sudden become acutely aware of how different things are going to be. I have a client that I share a cigar with here and there. And we have a lounge near our house that we meet at. And we were there one night and CNN showed bayzos and gates. The fact that they were both getting divorces and there was a term on the, on the screen called gray divorce. And it was something I had never heard of, but you know, like I said, it's been around for ages, but now they've attached to the name to it. And they were focusing on it because a couple of, you know, Uber, rich, famous guys are dealing with it. And it just, I had already been kind of feeling like some things are changing and I need to figure out how to keep my eyes on it. And that point of what I was trying to get my arms around and why, why I continue to just, I want to ward it off. You know, I don't, I don't think I'm at risk. I don't think my wife and I are at risk for that at this moment, but I definitely don't want to be one of those numbers. Even

(34:10): Different times, meeting up with friends, a lot of business leaders I've talked to don't do that. Don't make the time. And it sounds like you have done a nice job of figuring out community and needing the community. And I'm sure if you did a rewind 10 years ago, you may have found yourself not in community. There may be some isolation taking place.

(34:31): Sure, absolutely. Yeah. And that's, you know, the downside to feeling that way is the last thing you want to do is interact with other people. For me, my reaction is to pull back and just, just not engage with anyone. It's when I'm feeling good that I, that I want to do that. But once that network is built, once you get some feeling good, then you begin to build that. Then people are looking out for you and you're, you're either regularly scheduled to be in front of them or you're not around them. And there, they start to wonder where you are and they start to reach out. And so I think taking advantage of when times are good to build that is very much, very much beneficial.

(35:12): You shared some different moments where God was definitely had involvement. Was there another moment at that idea of handing your story over for God's story that comes to mind as I just say that phrase?

(35:25): Yeah. Yeah. I mean, that's, I had never heard that phrase and certainly never, never used those words together, but when I hear that phrase, it's what try and do every single day. When I meet with people, I mean, I'm meeting with people to try and build a business. And I think my highest priority is to share my story and get to know them one-on-one. So I, you know, I spend a lot of my time meeting people one-on-one and sharing that story. And it's proven out over the last two years that the business will come. You know, if I honor him in each one of those conversations and make my priority, sharing the story that he, I believe put me through to share, then the business will come along. I started with zero clients and 2019, and I've got a good book of business. Now we're on our way.

(36:15): And I've got another few years of grinding and building to get it to where I want it to get. But that's, you know, I don't go into those meetings saying this person needs to be a client. I go into those meetings saying I've got a story to share, and I need to find out the right time to share that story. And also, and I, I had a coffee with someone this morning and they jumped right in and started asking me questions and they had me talking and I said, I don't, I don't like being the first one talking, it's not the way I do this. I'm normally the one that dives into the questions and gets you talking first. And that's happened a few times. And normally it's a really good sales guy that does that to me. But you know, I, I want to know who they are, what they're about, get to know them and then establish a level of comfort that I can share that story with them. And then we'll see where it goes from there. The business will come. All that stuff will come along with it.

(37:07): I had a mentor say all the time, you don't know anybody unless you know their story. That's really good because you don't know the reason that they may be strong opinion about a certain issue. The reason they may be short, you know, kind of short tempered or extra passionate about something you just don't know until you know their story. We don't

(37:28): Have to like everyone. And a lot of times we'll run into somebody that we just don't like and walk away and say, I just didn't like that person, but maybe you didn't know their story or why they're like that. And maybe you would like them if, or be able to get closer to them if you knew why they were the way that whatever that was, that turned you off, you know, like stick in there, stay with it and try and figure out why that thing that you don't like is happening as opposed to just saying, well, that sucked and I'm out, you know,

(37:58): My daughter's 17. Now we'd have conversations when she'd see an aggressive driver and get all, get fired up about them being an aggressive driver, like holdup, you have no idea what's going on in their day. I mean, they, and you, and you give all these scenarios that play out that it's like, just have some grace. I mean, they may be rushed in the hospital because the spouse is having a kid, you know, they may be, you know, it's like, and it, it can be eye opening when you just think that people probably have a little different life going on than what you perceive. Yep, absolutely.

(38:32): And this can, I've enjoyed our conversations. What's best way for individuals to get ahold of you to learn more from you or from to do business with you. Yeah. Well, my I'm on LinkedIn. I'm pretty active out there. And then my email address is Ken dot bramble@hubinternational.com. So you can always reach me there, but yeah, I'd love to love to engage with anyone that, that any of this spoke to them or they want to explore or have a conversation more on I'd love to. So thank you for giving me the opportunity to, to share.

(39:05): Well, thank you very much for saying yes it's it's I've enjoyed it. Thank you very much. All right. Thanks. I want to thank you for listening to my podcast. When at home first, I am so grateful to hear from listeners like you, that this content has been helpful. So now I would love for you to pay it forward. I want to get this message in the hands of more listeners. We need leaders to be winning both at home and at work, especially during this time. So please take a minute to share this episode with somebody you think would find value in it, as well as rate and subscribe as a thank you, please visit my website@coriumcarlson.com to download a free resource that people are finding value in. Thank you very much.

(39:59): This is ThePodcastFactory.com.

Have a podcast in 30 days

Without headaches or hassles


Copyright Marketing 2.0 16877 E.Colonial Dr #203 Orlando, FL 32820