It's time to rip the cover off what really works to ditch addiction, depression, anger, anxiety, and all other kinds of human suffering. No, not sobriety. We're talking the F-word here: Freedom. We'll share, straight from the trenches, what we have learned from leaving our own addictions behind, and coaching hundreds of others to do the same—and since it's such a heavy topic, we might as well have a good time while we're at it. [00:27.6]
Bob: All right, so one time, a long time ago, a couple of thousand years ago, there was a farmer who had lived a decent life but struggled like everybody else did. I mean, he had to deal with the seasons and the crops and the way his body aged and whatnot. And he was a little bit of an aged farmer. And by this time, Buddha was pretty popular. He'd been around for a while. He had been teaching for a while. You've got to remember Buddha taught for like 40 years or something like that. And so, he was in the public mind quite well. And he was heralded as a guy who had the answers. I mean, this guy, the Buddha, the awakened one, the one who had transcended and gone above and beyond the intellect, he wasn't suffering anymore. And this farmer was suffering. And so here, this farmer hears about the Buddha and finally resolves one day that he is going to go seek him out and get an audience with him and just talk to them about his struggles, his problems in the hopes that he can find his way out. [01:34.8]
So, he makes the long journey. He goes and finds; I don't know how long the journey was. He goes and he finds the Buddha and eventually manages to have an audience with him. So, he sits down, and the Buddha asks him, Gautama asked him like, how can I help you? And so, the man begins to recount, what's going on in his life. Here, he is in his life saying, look, I have a great life, I have a really good farm. You know, we always had food on the table, but, but you know, sometimes the weather turns and becomes difficult or there's a drought, or there's not enough irrigation or there's problems or there's bugs or something and so sometimes it's a little bit more difficult and I have a hard time. And my body is in pretty good condition. It's healthy. It's served me well all these years, but there's all these aches and pains that I have now. And there's these other struggles that are going on. And I, you know, I don't know what to do about that. [02:23.7]
And then my wife, you know, she's been an incredible lady, a wonderful companion, but there's times where it's just like fighting cats, you know? And I can't figure out what to do with her and we don't get along and then other times we do, and I just don't know what to do to make that any better. And you know, my kids, they've been great kids and they've served me well and they're very, very respectful, but then sometimes they're not, or they won't help, or they'll disagree. And, and they'll make my life a little bit more difficult. And you know, this, that and the other. And he went on this long litany of lists, 83 different problems of things that he was finding and things that he was seeing in his own life. [03:01.0]
And at that point in time, the Buddha looks at him when he finishes and he says, I'm sorry, I can't help you. And the farmer looks at him and he goes, what? But I traveled all this way. Like, what do you mean you can't help me? And the Buddhist says, well, everybody on the planet is going to have those 83 problems. For instance, you're going to die. There's nothing you're going to be able to do about that. You are going to probably get sick illness might happen. There's nothing you can do to avoid that. I mean, you can keep yourself fairly healthy, but if it happens, it happens. It's unavoidable. It's inevitable when it happens. Your wife will probably disagree with you from time to time. I would be surprised if that didn't happen. There's nothing you're going to be able to, everybody's going to encounter this. Your kids will disrespect you or disagree with you because they're their own people. They can think their own way. And they aren't taking their advice for their life just based on what you think should happen. The weather will change. The crops may or may not fail. All these things, everybody has to deal with. There's nothing I can do to help you out of those 83 problems. [04:04.4]
And so, the is a little bit like shocked at first, dismayed frustrated what, what you're supposed to be, this great teacher of enlightenment. You've figured out how to end all of this suffering, and here I am suffering and you're telling me you can't help me like what good are you? To that The Buddha answers, well, I can help you with the 84th problem. And the farmer says, well, what's that? Well, it's the idea that you shouldn't have problems. See, most of us sit here in life and we believe a whole lot of stuff about the way things should be. And we have this little lie in our heads that we believe that say, things should be different than they are. So, I want to, I want to take a second and step back and really look at it. I'm sure you've had instances where like, oh, he should have done this, or she should have done that, or I should have done this. And I shouldn't have done that. What evidence do you have that it should have happened any differently? And the only evidence you'll ever come up with is a story that you made up in your own head when you imagined yourself doing something differently and then created inside of you, a different feeling about it, and then turned around and said, I should have done that. But what evidence do you have that it was even possible for you to do anything other than what you did? [05:26.8]
Now this is not a fatalistic question. This is not an attempt to tell you you're powerless. Your fate is controlled by, you know, your destiny is controlled by the fates or the muses or whoever it is, you know. This, isn't an attempt to say that this is a deterministic universe and any of that stuff. This is an attempt only to look at this moment here and now what is happening. Your mind is telling you that things should be different. Why is it telling you that? If you really look at it, it's because before that thought came a feeling came in your body, something negative, some reaction to something. And everybody has different opinions on what should and shouldn't happen. Have you noticed, right? Oh, you shouldn't have done that when somebody else is like, well, I don't actually feel that way. This happens with little kids all the time. One person's like you shouldn't and another person's life doesn't care because little kids don't really give a rip what another person thinks. They just want what they want most of the time. And then they grow up to learn how to be manipulated by other people more and more. But in the beginning they don't really care. Have you noticed how inconvenient it is that what you think should happen, other people think shouldn't? [06:36.9]
Have you ever thought through the possibility that if everybody's prayers were answered, there would be a lot of really pissed off people on the planet because half of what some people want would be in direct contradiction to what other people want and so on and so forth? Have you considered the possibility that what everybody thinks should be the case in the world is just a story in their head that came in reaction and response to the fact that they were feeling negative in that moment, that's all that happened. I'm feeling negative. Why am I feeling negative? Well, I don't like this. It should be different for me to feel positive. Can you see the problem? When you have this idea that you shouldn't have problems that you shouldn't have issues in the world, it's because one, you have decided it's an issue, right? You've decided that there is something wrong with the world. And two you've decided that the only way for you to feel good is for your outside circumstances to change. That's pretty much it. Anything else, there isn't any suffering, right? People accept death straight on. It's only in their minds when they think I shouldn't die, that they suffer. But when they can see that it's happening, there is a complete and utter moment of surrender. [07:48.9]
There was an experience of a, of an explorer out in Africa, going on safari, where he was out in the field, he was hunting. I don't remember what he was hunting, or he was just observing some Gazelles or something. And before he realized it up on the, like on a cliff or a precipice above him, there was a lioness perched. And before he realized that he heard some twig or something, and he turned around just in time to see this lioness pounce on him and take him down. And as she was worrying at his head and all the other stuff, like there was a point where he describes very clearly in his experience that all of the pain left his body. And there was this merciful peace that washed over him, as he realized he was going to die. And he was staring into the beautiful, glorious eyes of the creature that was killing him. We like to think that animals die in terror, but that's just because we have messed up ideas about a lot of things. And because right now, when we think about dying, we think that shouldn't happen. And so, we create fear inside ourselves, but in the moment of death, something else changes and there a surrender. This is why on their death bed there is such serenity for so many people, unless of course they're dying in a moment of, or something like that because of something happening to them. [08:57.7]
In this guy's case, he was being mauled by a lioness and his body took over, eliminated the pain, and gave him utter peace in total acceptance of what was there, because he realized he couldn't fight it at all. And as a result, bliss entered him and peace and there was no pain at all. And only once the lion has left, cause she thought it was a dead body, did he start coming to, and then he started to have to deal with pain and physical pains and stuff like that. But that's what happens when you're in total surrender to what is. That, this moment is inevitable. There is nothing you or I can do to change this moment because it's already here. And I dare say, and I know some people will be upset by this. Nothing God can do to change this moment because it's already here. You could make the next moment, whatever it wants, but this moment is already here. You can't change this because this is here. Next is a possibility. And with a God, well, there would be infinite possibilities with us, there are fewer. [09:53.4]
If you or someone, you know, is looking to drop the F bomb of freedom in their life, whether that's from past trauma, depression, anxiety, addiction, or any other host of emotional and personal struggles, but they just don't know how or want some help doing it. Head on over to thefreedomspecialist.com/feelbetternow and check out some of the things we've got in store for you, or book a call so, we can look at your unique situation and get you the help that you're looking for. [10:24.1]
So, the whole idea that things should be different is just a thought in the mind, in reaction to, I don't like this. I don't like this. And it's our preferences, it's our likes and dislikes that formed the basis of our in our suffering. Some of the happiest people on earth are in circumstances that you and I would probably disagree with and not like at all, whether that's outdoor toilets, whether that's a Bismal food or whether that's like nothing to do and they're not going on all these adventures and flying all over the globe, whatever it is, some of the happiest people on the planet have none of them and they've totally surrendered to it. Completely 100% surrendered to their experience. [11:08.3]
So, if we're stepping back and we're looking at this notion of where suffering comes from, you have to recognize that we've made two decisions. I don't like something, therefore there's a problem with the world. Therefore, this should change. Why don't you like something? It's just an uncomfortable spirit. It's in your body. You've had experiences in the past. You didn't, we weren't born with a bunch of likes and dislikes and preferences necessarily. There are some personality traits that are there, it's clear or some tendencies, but your personality ultimately is a construction of the things you like and the things you don't like. And we use those as an identity. And when those get threatened, we feel like we have to defend them. But that personality, those likes, and dislikes are really what we're in bondage to. Have you noticed that the more options you have, the more you suffer making a decision. And what's interesting is that it doesn't really matter what decision you make. There is some research and some studies and experiments that they've done with people to indicate that even if you choose wrong, the act of making a decision is a huge relief because you're no longer caught in hesitation. [12:07.5]
In fact, people, even if they choose the wrong decision, they feel like they've made the right decision. Not because their decision was right, but because they actually made a decision, but because they were no longer stuck, trying to figure out what they like and what they don't like. The fewer things that you have a priority for the fewer things that you have like, this is what I like, and this is what I don't like, the less you will suffer, you'll be able to handle whatever's there. And if there is an option, you'll just do whatever you want. The more options you have, we think that's freedom. The more options I have, the more things I can choose from that there is the key to freedom. If I can choose whatever I want, that I'm truly free, but people don't realize that the more options you have, the more deliberations you have to make, the more you have to figure out based on what you like and don't like, and then you're going to, then you're labeling things as things I don't like. And when those show up, then you suffer those and so on and so forth. [12:55.7]
Whereas if you had no choice whatsoever, there's no suffering about it. It's simply the way things are. So, let's look at reality. Look at your past experience, look at your life. There's this thing we call problem in the world. And I know we have to use language because, well, if we didn't, then we wouldn't be talking. And so, we're using it to the best of our ability, but there's this thing in the world, we call a problem. Where have you ever seen a problem? Well, this is happening in this country. And these people are beating, being treated poorly. And I should have this much money in the bank and this, that, and the other. Have you, did you actually see that, that's the case? What evidence do you have that those things should be different? Again, the only evidence you have is something being made up in your mind right now, you believe those things should be different. And as a result, your body suffers what you call a problem. [13:46.8]
A problem, a problem in the world is literally your experience of suffering when you think things should be different than they are. Now, that does not say you cannot work for a different situation sometime later, but we're talking about this moment, this situation, your wife yelled at you, your husband didn't remember your anniversary. Someone pulled in front of you in traffic. Your boss is hounding you. You haven't had food in a while. You have allergies to something. That idea right there, that's, what's happening in this moment. And your idea that this should not be happening is only making you suffer this moment. It's not actually solving anything that might be problematic. It's only creating more problems. Have you ever actually seen a problem in the world? Can you run down to the corner store and pick up a six pack of them? Hey honey, I ran out of problems. Can you go pick me up some more? I think they're on sale at Walmart. Nope. Not at all. Problems aren't real things in the world. They're ideas. They're ideas made up by you and me when we've decided we don't like what is here. We've decided that our relationship to this moment is going to be one of adversary. One of hatred, instead of one of acceptance, you can fight reality, or you can dance with it. [14:59.3]
A lot of people want to confront their demons, confront their fears, confront their problems because they think this is the way out. But the way that they interpret the idea of confrontation is the idea that they're going to fight it and they're going to win it. I'm going to overcome this. Well, confront just means to put your fronts together. You can put your fronts together with a hug. You can dance, put your fronts together. You can head back. You can kiss. You can fist bump. You can also just punch each other. Then you can also confront it that way you can shake hands. There's lots of ways to put one front facing another front. Not that you have to confront a problem at all, because the whole idea that there is, or isn't a problem is a concept. There is only what is in this moment. If you look at it and you go, well, there's no problems. That's also an idea, there's only this moment. If you say there are problems, that's also an idea there aren't problems. There's just this moment. What is happening in this moment is all that there is. And the minute you begin to see that you'll stop having this notion that it should be anything different because reality itself is proving you wrong every second of every day, you have never had a moment where reality has not shown you. That the way things are happening is exactly the way things are happening. That they cannot be any other way because they are the way that they are in this moment. Every moment of your life is, evidence and proof of that evidence and proof of that. And yet we still want to believe that we are all powerful gods, and we want to make believe that in some way, shape or form, if we could just wheel it hard enough, if we just had enough faith, this moment would change. [16:30.9]
Now I am not again talking about the next moment. It doesn't exist as a concept in your mind. I'm not talking about previous moment. That's a concept in your mind. This moment, and now this one, and now this one, and now this one, these are the only things that are existing, and they cease to exist as soon as they've passed. This moment is the only thing that's inevitable. Past doesn't exist, it's not inevitable, it's not there. And the only thing you remember from it is your memory, which is a present moment, reenactment of the past. This moment is inevitable, and this moment is inevitable. What you're seeing right now, it's inevitable. You're already seeing it. And as soon as that dawns on you, a level of freedom and I mean, dawns on you, not intellectually, but you there's a realization like, oh, wow, okay, this is all that's happening. There's a level of freedom that just pours through your body in a way that is hard to explain. There's just a cease of the battle, the fight with everything that's there. And suddenly I can do the same dishes. I can clean the same house. I can do the same projects that can be on the phone for the same amount of time. I can work with the same amount of people. And there's no suffering because all it's here is all that's here and all of our ideas about it aren't actually here and I don't have to create those stories. And I don't have to suffer my thoughts about what should or shouldn't be the case, because all that's doing is creating suffering in me. [18:02.1]
And then people say, how was your day? And you, I had a really rough day. No, your day was fine. You had a lot of rough thoughts. You beat yourself up a lot today. You pretended all kinds of things and as a result, you created a ton of suffering. And then you said, well, the day did it, I had a rough day. It was everything else. It wasn't everything else. You may not be able to avoid the fact that you got to work for a living. We'll talk about that in another episode work, but you can stop creating the suffering. And that starts with recognizing that things shouldn't be different than they are. And because they shouldn't, you're finally able to look at them as they are dance with them and make something new. You'll never be able to make something new out of what's here if you don't know what's here. If you're busy saying no, no, I don't want to look in that box, close the lid, keep it shut. You'll just be suffering, what's here. Things will be hitting you. It's like running and closing your eyes and walking across the street. You may or not make it, or you might get hit by a car. As soon as you open your eyes, and you can see what's there, now you can build something with it. And too many people are walking through their life blind, hoping not to get hit by a truck because they've decided it shouldn't be the way that it is. Well, sorry. It is the way that it is. And when you can finally finally accept that life gets way easier. [19:17.3]
And that's it for todays “Alive and Free Podcast.” If you enjoyed this show and want some more freedom bombs landing in your ear buds, subscribe right now at wherever you get your podcasts from. And, while you're at it, give us a rating and a review. It'll help us keep delivering great stuff to you. Plus, it's just nice to be nice. [19:35.1]
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