"The more you exercise it, the stronger you get, and the easier it gets to overcome some of those fears that have been holding you back. So you practice this always, and that builds up your immunity so that when the bigger things come, you actually are equipped to do something about it."
Welcome to Thrive-by-Design. The podcast for ambitious, independent jewelry brands looking to profit from their products. Get ready to make more and sell more doing what you love without spending every single waking minute doing it. Hey, and if you're a creative fashion or product-based business, I want to welcome you to the show. I'll be dropping big tips on launching, growing, and scaling your business so you can spend more of your precious time using your creativity to make money. You ready? Alright, let's do this.
Tracy: Welcome to the Thrive By Design podcast, Episode 209. Hey there, it's Tracy Matthews here, chief visionary officer over at Flourish and Thrive Academy and Creatives Rule The World. And I am very excited for my episode today, and my guest on the show. You know, as a creative thinker and as a creative person, you know, after working with thousands and thousands, tens of thousands of designers over the years and makers and people making products with their hands, and all of you listening to this show, I'm sure that many of you have faced fear in your life. In fact, we're working with our insider community all the time on mindset issues and trying to find a place to kind of overcome the way that we think about themselves and the way that we all think about ourselves, I should say, and the way that we approach how we handle fear in our lives. Because I think fear, especially for someone who is putting you know their art or their passion out into the world, can be overwhelming at times. And so today, we're going to talk about how to face your fears to find the courage to create a life that you love. And I'm really excited to have Ruth Soukup on the show today. She recently wrote a book called do it scared, and she is just an amazing entrepreneur. She is a New York Times bestselling author. She's dedicated to helping women overcome fear, and create a life that they love. Through her blog, Living Well and Spending Less, which reaches more than 1,000,000 women each month, she encourages her readers to follow their dreams and reach their goals. She's also the founder of the Living Well Planner and Elite Blog Academy, as well as the author of five bestselling books. This girl is a bad ass; let's just put it that way. Her practical advice has been featured in numerous publications and news programs including Women's Day, Redbook, Family Circle, and Fox News. Her Do It Scared podcast launched April 30, 2018 and her next book, do it scared, or her recent book, which we're going to talk about today, is really all about finding the courage to face your fears, overcome obstacles, and create a life that you love. I'm super excited about this. In particular, because her book was launched on my birthday, May 21, this year, which is very exciting. It must be a lucky day, because I know her book is crushing it right now. At the end of the day, in this interview, we're going to talk a lot about how fear shapes your reality and your life. And I know that, as a designer who's trying to grow and get to the next phase, the next level in your business, that you're going to basically reach different levels of fear. And as you begin practicing some of the tactical advice that Ruth gives in this episode, and also that she shares in her book, the role that fear plays in your life becomes so much less prominent. And I say that because Ruth really shed some light on my assessment. She has an assessment that goes with her do it scared book, and it's all about defining your fear archetype and I'll talk about the fear archetype in the book, but what was interesting that she told me is that my percentages were all around in like the between 40 and 30%, each of the fear archetypes. Because if you take the advanced assessment, you will see that there are typically three that are our guiding principles. And so she said what that means is that with practice, you have probably not let fear play a major factor in basically running the way that you run your business. And so, I'm telling you this because with practice, and over time, any of us can basically move through all the fears that we have so that it becomes more manageable and have the courage to actually move forward to reach our goals in life, to follow our dreams, to make our passion a business, and to get to a place we're actually making money with our creativity, which is like my entire mission in life - is to support people using their creativity to make money and you know, build a life and a business that they absolutely love. And so, I love having entrepreneurs and you know, influencers, thought leaders, whatever you want to call them, on the show, as always, to talk about how they're helping people with different topics. And I thought this was a really relatable topic for our community.
Before we dive in, I have something special to share, and it's a little bit about what we're up to over here at Flourish and Thrive Academy. We have… we're just wrapping up our How To Train Your Customers To Buy From You Online, 12-week intensive, really fun name here because I wanted to get really specific because a lot of our Flourish and Thrive students over here, you know, they want to have a successful online business. They want to really be able to sell their jewelry and their products and all those things directly to consumers using their website, but they're really struggling on how to get conversions. They're not thinking of all the grassroots ways and all the ways that you can actually build, you know, engaged fan base that is waiting for your newsletters to come out. That they're excited when you are, you know, launching a new collection and they buy everything up. And so we curated a 12-week workshop that starts just with some, you know, grassroots principles and dives deep into everything - from video marketing to hosting live events and trunk shows - to creating emails that actually get people like excited to want to buy straight from there. And then also conversion strategies so that as you're building your email list, you're not working so hard to try and get people to buy. They're just buying because of all the backend setup and tech that you have going on, and you're not even really thinking about it. In fact, Kim Class, one of our students, within the first couple of weeks said like, "My online sales doubled and I only implemented just a few of the suggestions from the coaches." And so, this really works, and I'd like to invite you to join our next one. We're doing another one that starts August 6 because we realize, you know, by the time November comes around, you're going to want to be like really optimizing your online and ecommerce sales, and nothing would make me happier than to help you double or triple or even quadruple your ecommerce sales this year during the holiday season. And I'm excited because we have some really great, great trainings and feedback sessions. And the way this whole 12-week intensive works is that it's designed to not just like teach you a bunch of stuff, but to give you feedback on the implementation because we want to move you into getting the stuff implemented in your business right away so that by the time November and December rolls around, you're ready to go, people are buying from you, and you're making a massive impact, now and ongoing , forever. So…I'm really excited about this. If you want to learn more about it, and apply to this, you can head on over to FlourishThriveAcademy.com/TrainMyCustomers. That's FlourishThriveAcademy.com/TrainMyCustomers. It's perfect if you're a jewelry designer, fashion designer, accessories designer - anyone who is trying to sell more products on your website, and you really want to make a big impact. People love what you do. You want to be selling more. So let's do this. Head over there to apply today and we will get you on the phone with our business accelerator specialist, Natasha, and she will walk you through it and help you determine if this is a good fit for you. We'll also have the link over on the show notes - FlourishThriveAcademy.com/Episode209. Let's dive into today's episode with Ruth Soukup.
Welcome to the show today. I have New York Times bestselling author, Ruth Soukup on the show to talk a little bit about fear and how it's holding you back in your business, and how to live through it. Thank you so much for being here today, and joining me.
Ruth: Thank you so much for having me. It's great to be here.
Tracy: Yeah. So I always like to give a little backstory, and I'll do a little bit more later too. I met Ruth… I've known about Ruth for a very long time. We have a lot of mutual friends in common. I finally got to meet her for the first time this January, and she was telling me about this book. I'm like, when you're ready to launch it, I want you on the podcast because this is like, you're preaching my language here, girl. Everyone in our community is like facing fear in some way, shape or form at some point in time. So, I'm excited to have you here, and I'm really interested to kind of learn a little bit more about your journey and why fear. Because I think entrepreneurs and people who are thinking about starting a business come across this often, but I know that you have some story about how fear played a role in your life too.
Ruth: I do, yeah. No, fear… fear has definitely played a huge role in my life, both in my personal life and in my life as an entrepreneur, which have... the two worlds have finally intersected. But definitely, it's been a long journey. So when I was in my early 20s, I went through a really, really bad depression. It was my senior year of college and I attempted suicide and ended up kind of spiraling downward into this 2-1/2-year battle with depression and where I had multiple suicide attempts, the worst of which I ended up in a coma, on life support with less than a 10% chance of waking up. And really through the end of it, or at the end of this whole just downward spiral, I found myself, 23 years old, bankrupt, I had dropped out of college, I had gotten divorced. I had lost all my friends and family along the way, where they just didn't… they had given up on me. I had given up on myself. The doctors had given up on me. And literally felt like I had ruined my entire life. Like there was nothing - there was nothing left. What was I going to do? Even the doctors had given up on me. And so, faced with that, it was terrifying it. It was the most terrifying experience you can ever imagine, of feeling like what, literally - what do I have? And it took - I wish I could say there was like one big turning point/moment for me, and there wasn't; it was really just a series of very small steps, of taking one tiny step and making a little bit of progress in the right direction and then another little step and another little step and another little step, like that. And through that, is when really do it scared became my mantra, like my own personal mantra, of just saying, okay, just do this one thing and just do this next thing and just do this next thing. And slowly, I, you know, built back my life. I started… I got a job, a part-time job, and then got an apartment and then I got a full-time job, and then started going back to school and applied to law schools and met a guy and you know - I finally got my life together. Ended up having, you know, getting married and having kids and then many years later, I started this business, in 2010, this online business and I felt like my entrepreneur journey was almost the exact same thing. I'm just, literally not knowing what I was doing and taking one step at a time and every step of the way, just do it scared, do it scared, do it scared. And that's pretty much been my life, and yet now, here I am, nine years later and have this great business but also get the opportunity to work with millions of women who are dealing with the same type of fears, every single day. And so that was sort of how I got interested in this topic for this book, was knowing how fear has played such a role in my own life, but also realizing that I wanted to help other people do something about it.
Tracy: So Ruth just kind of, like segwayed into the book, which I was just about to do. It's called do it scared: Finding The Courage To Face Your Fears, Overcome Adversity, And Create A Life You Love. And it makes so much sense to me. I mean, I know I read your story in the book and I had heard a little bit just in our conversations, the brief version, the couple of times that I've met you, in person, and I am just blown away by how you've been able… You know, a lot of people would use that situation as like an excuse not to move forward and do something with their lives. And instead, you really kind of did this big turnaround. I think the amazing part about it is that it is possible for anyone, if they're willing to actually do the work and take…
Ruth: Oh, that's so true. And I love actually sharing my story from that perspective, because I think, first of all, when I was in that place of darkness and depression, I never saw anybody getting better. I never saw anybody recovering. I never saw anybody really turning their life around and coming out the other side. But now, I get to be that person for people to say, "It is possible. There is something. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, even if you can't see it right now." And no matter how badly you have screwed up your life, because believe me, I, I mean gosh, I didn't even go into half of the...
Tracy: I know; we have some common things.
Ruth: All of like the, just self-destructive stuff that I did in my life, but if I can… if I can turn it around and be where I am now, you know, this seven-figure business owner, it… anything is possible. Literally, anything is possible. It doesn’t matter how badly you've screwed up. Like redemption is always possible. And so that, like just that, if there's nothing else that comes out of this book or sharing my story, I hope it's that. But hopefully, there's a few other things that come out of it, too.
Tracy: Preach, girl! Redemption is possible! So we have some similar like things that happened. I had to file for bankruptcy after being in business for 11 years, and that was like, you know, it's like you talk about like facing your biggest fear, like that has always been like my biggest fear as a business owner, or it was, when things started becoming a little bit perilous, and it's stressful. And you know, I love what you said earlier, how it was just like this series of little steps that you took because sure, that was a really pivotal moment, and I'm sure like, you being hospitalized and in a coma and all the other things that you were talking about - self-harm and your personal journey through finances and stuff like that have been like big turning points for you. But really, the step out of it isn't like an overnight change. It's really about just taking one step in front of the other.
Ruth: One step at a time.
Tracy: Yeah. And I remember, this one time, and I share this story in my community a lot, when I was… after I closed my first business, my first jewelry company after 2008. It was like maybe 2010, I was recruited for a job at this brand, Stella and Dot, and they were a $400,000,000 company. They offered me basically like a full-time six-figure income designing director job or something like that or head designer job, and I turned it down on purpose because I was just like there's got to be something else. I don’t want to be, my time to be ruled, and that took a lot… that took a lot of courage because at that time, I was so afraid that I wasn’t going to be able to pay my rent, and the thing that turned it around, and maybe this is part of my personality being the outcast in the fear type, was having a conversation with my dad and he was like, "I think you should take the job." And I was like, I'm going to do everything completely opposite.
Ruth: You don’t think I can? You watch me. That is the total outcast.
Tracy: That's why I like totally kind of resonate with that. I was just like, ackk. So today, we're really talking about fear and how to overcome fear in your life, and you know, at one point or another, we're all going to face some sort of fear, and we just did a free interview for something else earlier before we were recording this episode. But it's interesting to me, you wrote this book, do it scared. You have a whole platform around facing fear and moving forward. I remember my sister, when she was my operations manager at Tracy Matthews Designs, she had something on her computer that said do something that scares you every single day. And so I know that this is something really can paralyze all of us, in a different way, shape, or form. So some people, you know, might get motivated by fear and some people are paralyzed by it. Why do you think that is?
Ruth: You know, I think that there are healthy kinds of fear and there are unhealthy kinds of fear. Because the thing is about fear is that is designed to protect us. It's there for a reason. It is the thing that keeps us safe and keeps us from harming ourselves or doing really stupid and dangerous things. If you're not afraid, like it could actually be a sign of mental illness. And yet, at the same time, that fear, the fears that are protecting us and keeping us safe are also keeping us stuck. And so I think that it's really important and that's one of the things that I try to explain in the book - there's all these different types of fears that are holding us back, and seven…
Tracy: Seven, to be exact.
Ruth: The seven fear archetypes, but they, it's the way that they often manifest themselves in our lives is happens most often subconsciously. We don’t actually recognize them as fear. Sometimes we just think it's the way we're wired. Sometimes we think it's anxiety. Sometimes we think it is being, like we feel like we're just being stuck or we're overwhelmed or that's just part of our personality. Whatever it is, it is all happening without us really knowing it and the important thing and why it's so important to start to identify your fear archetype and to understand how fear is playing out in your life and how it's impacting you is because it's sort of like when you go to the doctor and you say, hey doc - I don’t feel good, and the doctor, the first thing the doctor has to do is figure out what's wrong with you because if he can't give you a diagnosis, he can't give you a cure because it could be anything from a stomach ache to appendicitis to cancer to the flu and if you don’t know the difference between those things, then those are totally different treatment options. And that's how fear works too. If you don’t know how fear is playing out in your life, you can't be empowered to do something about it. But as soon as you can shine the light on it, that's when you have all the power in the world to start making changes.
Tracy: I love that. So basically what you're telling me is fear is not just fear. It's something, it's like a quality that we have that's disguised maybe, and fear is really the underlying motivator, right?
Ruth: Yes. And there's actually, like it's really important to know that even with like the seven fear archetypes, each of those archetypes has positive qualities and negative qualities. So there is a piece of each of our fear that is protecting us and that is serving us. And so part of understanding your fear is learning how to be able to utilize and leverage that piece of our fear that actually serves us while mitigating the part that is holding us back. So, say for instance you have the procrastinator of your archetype, which is really another word for perfectionist. Procrastinators tend to be very perfectionistic but they also tend to be, to over plan and over organize and need to be over prepared and often the fear that is holding them back is this fear of making a mistake. That can lead to analysis paralysis. So there's bad parts of that fear that are keeping you stuck or holding you back or keeping you from moving forward, but on the flip side, there's good pieces of that that me and you have, you probably have a great attention to detail and you're super organized, and you're able to do really high quality work. So if you can learn how to leverage those good parts of yourself, well then learning how to mitigate or move past or work with the hard parts - that's when you can start to have power over fear. And that's what's pretty cool about it.
Tracy: That's awesome. Well, let's dive into the seven fear archetypes. Are you ready?
Ruth: Okay. Yeah.
Tracy: Good. Okay cool.
Ruth: So I just did the procrastinator, which is the underlying fear of making a mistake.
Ruth: The next one is the rule follower…
Ruth: …which is the underlying fear of - it's almost like an unhealthy fear of authority or a fear of coloring outside the lines. So the rule follower is the one who...
Tracy: Don't give that to a little kid, coloring outside the lines.
Ruth: Coloring outside lines. Rule followers are the ones who always follow the directions and also they like to have a structure for things. They want to have - they want to know that there is a right way to do things and they want to know the right way to do it so that they can follow the rules exactly. The next one is the people pleaser archetype. The people pleaser, the underlying fear there is a fear of being judged or a fear of…
Tracy: Can I stop you right there? Did you go through the positive and negative qualities of the rule follower?
Ruth: Oh… no. The positive qualities of the rule follower, there are some great qualities. Like one thing that I've noticed because I've been doing this assessment now within my communities for a little bit longer because we had a beta version last year, and one thing I've learned is that the people who are most successful in my program are almost all rule followers.
Ruth: And I think that this… because I, like my program is very much set up - I'm talking about Elite Blog Academy, specifically. It's very much set up to say follow these steps, step by step by step by step, and rule followers do awesome in that type of structured framework. So, as an entrepreneur, if you know this tendency about yourself, that you tend to be a rule follower and you're hearing everybody say ,"Oh, as an entrepreneur you need to make your own rules, and you need to do your own thing and you need to just figure it out," like that can feel very overwhelming for a rule follower. But if you can find the right coach or the right mentor who is willing to say, "Okay, you need to do this and then do this and then do this," the rule follower will actually follow those things and follow through and probably have a lot of success. So, I think it's, again, it's learning how to take your good qualities and mitigate your bad qualities in order to get what you want.
Tracy: So I love that, and I think… I mean, I think probably everyone has a little bit of a rule follower in them because I think anytime you're learning how to do something, it's much easier to follow a step-by-step.
Ruth: See, but that's spoken like you have a little bit of rule follower in you, but for a true anti rule follower, they're like, no, no. I don’t need to…
Tracy: Like, "I want to jump around."
Ruth: "I just want to do my own thing. I don’t want to follow your rules."
Tracy: "I'm going to do module 12 first."
Ruth: Yes. Yes, exactly. Like, "I'll just pick that to do and that to do and that to do, and I'll do it in my own order, in my own way, and don’t you dare tell me how to do it."
Tracy: Okay. So the next one is the people pleaser?
Ruth: The people pleaser.
Ruth: So, people pleasers are usually like the best people because they're, everybody likes to be the people pleaser's friends because people pleasers tend to be really concerned with how other think and feel, and they're very in tune with that and almost to a fault. So, on the negative side, people pleasers tend to be overly concerned with what other people think to the point where it can actually hold them back from sharing their opinion or setting boundaries or taking action because they're afraid what other people would say. So again, you have to learn how to mitigate that. If you're a people pleaser, you need to really work at setting boundaries and speaking up and speaking your truth and not letting your opinions be swayed by what other people think or what other people might say. And yet, you can use your people skills and your… because people pleasers tend to have really good people skills in order to help you get what you want. So it's really just learning how to play both sides of that.
Tracy: I love that. So then the next - so I think… Wait, what did I get? I got people pleaser, rule follower - those are my secondary ones, but my primary one is the next one, which is the outcast.
Ruth: The outcast. Yes. Which is also mine, so very common for entrepreneurs to be the outcast archetype. It's probably the most ironic of the seven archetypes because it's the one that, on the outside, the outcasts tend to appear to be fearless. They're the ones who like "I don’t care what anybody else thinks; I'm going to do my own thing and I don’t need you," and really, the underlying fear there for the outcast is a fear of rejection. So the way that tends to manifest itself is rejecting other people before you can be rejected in return. And so, again, positive qualities and negative qualities. The fearless side of outcasts can be very positive. Outcasts tend to be go getters who are very driven and hard working, like willing to do things in order to prove themselves, and willing to take risks, which can be a really good thing, especially for entrepreneurs. But on the negative side, that fear of rejection can hold you back from trusting other people, from establishing relationships. It can harm you in your relationships and also, even hold you back from a standpoint of if you're never willing to ask anyone for help, that can be a very lonely and isolating place to be.
Tracy: Yeah. As an outcast, I think sometimes like I have to force myself to ask for help, when I actually need it. Because I'm like, "Oh my gosh, I'm sinking here. Like I really need some help," and it's hard to do. I've gotten better at it, but it's not something that I've ever felt comfortable with and like…
Ruth: I struggle with it too. It's my worst… it's my worst thing.
Tracy: That's why I love you, girl.
Ruth: From one outcast to another.
Tracy: I know, right? So let's talk about the last three.
Ruth: Yep. So the next one is the self-doubter. The self-doubter struggles with a fear of not being enough or a fear of not being capable, and so, more than the others, the self-doubter struggles with a lot of insecurity, of just the self-doubt that happens. They tend to be very hypercritical of themselves, but almost that is…. Like they're so hypercritical of themselves that they wouldn’t be hypercritical of themselves in public, but they're hypercritical of other people in public. It's almost like a projection of their own insecurities that gets projected onto other people. So on the positive side, self-doubters can be super sensitive and kind and have like big, like really big hearts, and have just, have a lot of empathy for other people as well. So, if you can learn how to take those good qualities and that sensitivity and not get bogged down in the, just the hypercriticism of yourself and others. The self-doubter is one that I definitely recommend if you're really struggling with a lot of self-doubt, you got to get, you got to get outside of your own head and get some help - either from a therapist or a life coach or somebody who can help you work through those like deep feelings of insecurity.
Tracy: I was going to say like probably a lot of coaches who like to work one-on-one are probably self-doubters too. To me, like…. You know what they always say - it's like well, therapy and coaching, they're very different but also like very aligned. One is like moving you forward and one is like taking you backwards. Both good for different reasons at different times or whatever, but I always feel like those people are the ones who have had so many like personal like hard knocks that they're… they're the ones who like really want to help people and that - it makes sense - they have like a warm heart and really want to, I don't know, embrace and help people.
Ruth: Yeah. Yeah. No. That's a really good point. The next one is the excuse maker, and the excuse maker is the underlying fear there is a fear of being blamed or a fear of being held responsible or held accountable. So the excuse maker really, really struggles with just being even pinned down. They're the person that always tends to like wiggle out of any sort of responsibility or advocate any sort of responsibility for anything, and often, for the excuse maker, they tend to be actually great observers of people. And they get really uncomfortable though for themselves in a role where they're expected to be the one who makes the final decision or who is the one who is on the hook for anything. But that can tend to be - so that can be dangerous for you, especially like, you know, for talking from an entrepreneur standpoint, you really need to be willing to make hard decisions and to be the one who is held responsible. If you have clients. If you have, you know, whatever you have going on, if you're not taking responsibility for yourself, that can harm you in your business. And yet, you can take the part where you're really good at observing, you're really good at learning, you're really good at seeing what a lot of other people are doing and using that to your advantage.
Tracy: That's awesome. And what's the last one?
Ruth: The last one is the pessimist, and the pessimist is one where it's usually comes from a place of having experienced a lot of adversity and hardship and maybe trauma or just coming from a really bad place - it could be financial adversity, but it usually comes, gets somebody stuck in a place of saying "Why should I even bother." Because the underlying fear there is a fear of more pain or adversity.
Ruth: And so, it's almost going to a place of "I'm not even going to try because I don’t want to get stuck." And for the pessimist, you really have to get out of that victim mentality of saying that, you know, there's no point in even trying or that it's always been hard for me, or everybody else has it easier, because that is never going to get you out of - that's never going to get you out of it. Because the reality is that we all have hard things that happen, and you still have to make a choice every single day.
Tracy: You know it's really interesting - like you said that I'm not ever, I'm not even going to try because I'm not going to get out of it. I swear to you, not like, I communicate with our audience all the time, like if someone messages me, I ask them questions about their business. And I'm always recommending, you know, like listen to the podcast. There's like really great resources. I recommended the podcast to someone and she was like, "Yeah, I've been listening to your podcast. In fact, I've been binge watching it and I decided that this is not even worth it; I'm not even going to try. You know, like, closed my business and I basically sold off half my inventory this weekend." I was like, wow. I'm like maybe you should reframe it. Like…
Ruth: The right approach. But yeah, I mean, that's exactly right. When you get to a place of feeling like there's no point, there's no, why should I even bother, then that's - like you have to move past that. Otherwise, there is no point. Like it's the self-fulfilling prophecy that happens for the pessimist of saying "I'm not going to bother because I don’t want to be hurt again." But it is in the not trying that you actually continue to hurt yourself. And so you really have to, really have to work past that.
Tracy: 100%. So, so good. Okay. So we talked a lot about fear and like the types of fear archetypes. Now if we transform fear, you know, a lot of that really comes from just being courageous. You talk a lot about how to overcome fear in your book, do it scared. So let's talk about that for a minute. Like, what are some of your recommendations to kind of like move through fear regardless of your archetype, or do you have specifics for specific archetypes?
Ruth: A little bit of both. So on a micro level, for when you know what your specific fear archetype is, like the first step is, we talked about. The first step is diagnosis, figuring out where fear is actually holding you back, impacting your life most strongly. Because when you can see it, you can start to do something about it. As soon as you can start to recognize those patterns, you have a lot more power over them. So that's a huge step. And people are so surprised by the amount of insight they get out of taking the assessment, and also the kind of the instant, like almost instant nature that- or the instant change that happens when all the sudden, all these things that were just happening without knowing it, is not anymore, and you're like, oh my gosh, it liked changed my life, that quickly - just knowing this changed my life. So, I highly recommend taking the assessment. But from there, on a microlevel, once you know your specific fear archetype, one of the things that I would recommend doing is actually practicing building up your immunity to that specific fear. So this works with some of the archetypes better than others, but say for instance, the procrastinator archetype - if you are most afraid of making a mistake, then you actually consciously practice making mistakes or failing or screwing up or doing things imperfectly. And you force yourself to do the little things because when you make little mistakes - courage is like a muscle. So the way that it works is the more we exercise it, which is why you probably scored lower on your assessment because you've been exercising your courage muscles for many years. You've been actively working on this and self-development and as an entrepreneur. And so, the more you exercise it, the stronger you get, and the easier it gets to overcome some of those fears that have been holding you back. So you practice in small ways, and that builds up your immunities so that when the bigger things come, you actually are equipped to do something about it.
Tracy: And it just really like, you know, if we're taking it back to the beginning of our conversation, you know, really starts with just those little steps, right?
Ruth: So true. Yep. Little steps.
Tracy: One foot in front of the other.
Ruth: Exactly. Because every time you take one little step, it gives you enough courage to take another, slightly bigger, step and another bigger step. And nothing ever happens. And I mean, we talked about that. Nothing in your life that is worth having ever happens in one big giant thing, and we all, like we, I think we sometime have this idea that for everybody else, it's like overnight success or overnight fame or whatever it is that you're going for - it's all happening so quickly. And it never is the case. It always happens so slowly for everybody. And you only see usually the like very final result after sometimes years of somebody hustling and working really hard and taking all of those tiny little steps.
Tracy: You know, it's interesting - I was listening to the How I Built This Podcast and the Allbirds founders were on it this morning and they had like several prototypes that like completely failed and they had this like really interesting story about how their manufacturer in Peru or wherever it was, it might not have been Peru, but South America. Basically it was going bankrupt and they had to like go down and get the materials and all the, and like all the shoes that were produced for all men sizes and they had done this kick starter campaign for men and women, so they were shipping women like, if they wore a size 10 women's, they were sending like size 10 men's, like the whole thing.
Ruth: Oh, my gosh.
Tracy: It was a disaster! And like they were just like, "We have got it give one more try," and it was like after like several huge, massive things that they spent hundreds of thousands, if not millions, of dollars, like…
Ruth: Going totally wrong.
Tracy: They finally figured it out and it ended up like scaling really quickly. Now this brand that so many people love as like the most comfortable shoe ever is like successful. But it wasn’t - that's not how they started, and so it's like really interesting to see how people…
Ruth: Right and it's the perfect example. Because for most people, they'll look at it only after they were successful and go, "Oh, my gosh. This place came out of nowhere." Like they just, obviously this just happened like instant fame and instant success, and nobody sees all of those other steps that go into it. And that's almost always the case for anyone that is successful, even if it's like, even if their new business or their new venture happens to be the thing that happens really quickly, there was usually something that failed before that that gave them the experience and the ability to create something really successful. It's almost - it's pretty amazing to see how true that is. I don’t know of anybody who's had it happen that fast.
Tracy: Yeah. And it's so true too because I feel like even though you get like to a certain level of success, you're always going to have failures that come up at different times.
Tracy: Hopefully, you're wise enough after like being in business for a while to help mitigate some of the impact of the failures, but like, it's just like a constant battle. Like, I feel like success is just a series of like little failures, or big ones, that like, end up like, you see the other side or something like that.
Ruth: So, so true.
Tracy: So, I'm sure that there's like certain things that I missed. Is there anything else that you want to add about fear archetypes, courage, anything?
Ruth: Yeah, well. So I would say that, so the next thing for really, really moving past fear in your life. You know, I gave like the micro level, build up your immunity, but on a macro level, doing some bigger things for your life. And the first thing I would say is getting to work on your mindset. And that is so, so essential. So once, you know, you've shed light on these thoughts that have been happening subconsciously, you have to start replacing those subconscious thoughts with something consciously positive. And I call those, I call the new thoughts the principles of courage, and just having this new set of core beliefs can really, really help you. And then from there, it's more about taking action and figuring out what is my next step going to be. I am such a stickler for practical step-by-step information, which is I guess why rule followers do well with my stuff, but…
Tracy: You're like my whole community are full of rule followers.
Ruth: I know. I need more rule followers. But I, but really it's about claiming your target. I'm a huge believer in setting big goals and daring to set big goals, which can be an act of courage, just in and of itself because so often we self-mitigate and self-edit our goals and dreams before we even give ourselves a chance to dream them. But once you can claim that target and get in touch with your why, it's a matter of figuring out how to break down that big goal into manageable bites that translate into daily action. Because again, it's never about the big goal. It's never about this big thing that happens all at once. It's all about step-by-step action, and what can you do today that's going to move the needle towards that big thing, even if it's just one little tiny fraction of an inch.
Tracy: We have this thing in our Diamond Insiders Community, and I do it every Monday. It's our commitment check-in, and the point of the commitment check-in is that like, you know, we have a bunch of frameworks in there for goal setting and getting stuff done, but at the end of the day, like if you're not setting like your priorities for the week or we call them commitments for the week, and you're not committed to the thing that you said you wanted, like, it's never going to happen. So we know that 75% of your time should be spent on things that actually grow your business, not the things that most people spend their time on. And so each week, those little like micro commitments of taking action and doing those next steps are the things that actually like help you reach your goals. And I think…
Tracy: … one thing that I've noticed, and we have talked about this before, Ruth, is like, because you're always talking about, you know, it's a series of actions that like are the really the thing to help you overcome fear. If you spend more time like doing, like in moving your business forward, and less time thinking about why it won't work, we'll have a lot more, a lot better results.
Ruth: That is so true. It's so true. And I think, a lot of times it happens because we get so overwhelmed with like...
Ruth: ... This whole big thing that we forget that it's the one little thing that we're doing today that is actually more powerful. And I have found that, like 75% of people are really good at doing the things that are right in front of them that are just related to the day-to-day actions. Like, I can handle what, like all the tornadoes that are spinning and that's all I can focus on right now. And then there's 25% of the population that is like so like thinking about the big things that they can hardly focus on the things that are right in front of them. And there are very few people that actually have the ability to do both things well, to think about big things but then also break those big things down into actionable steps that you can do every single day, and make those a priority. But, and I talk about that process - it's a process I call Think Big, Plan Small, and it's really all about that. It's saying, "What do I want to accomplish in my life," and then "What does that mean for what I need to accomplish this year," and then, "What does that mean for what I need to accomplish this month," and "What does that mean, if this is what I want to accomplish this month, what does that mean for what I need to accomplish this week." Just like you're saying that micro commitment. And then every morning, waking up and saying, "Okay. If this is what I want to get done this week, then what does that mean for today." And it feels manageable when you do it that way, and yet - and it's not a hard process, and yet, so many people don’t. They don’t take that time to really break it down, step by step by step by step into these things where then your daily actions translate over time into these big things. But if you can do it, you're golden, and it's really not that hard. It's not rocket science. There's not some big mystery to it. It is literally just choosing, every single day, to take action.
Tracy: Choosing, every day, to take action. I love it. Do it scared. Let's do this. So tell us where we can get the book and where people can find you and then a little bit more about how to take the assessment and all those things.
Ruth: All the things - all the things. So the book is actually available anywhere that books are sold. You can find it in Target. You can find it on Barnes and Noble or in Barnes and Noble. You can find it on Amazon. Yes. It's all of those places. So grab it anywhere. Make sure that you keep your receipt number or your order number and then go to our website at DoItScared.com and we have some great book bonuses, including the premium version of the assessment, which I think the book is $14.99 on Amazon right now, and the premium version of the assessment is only $15.00, so it's a wash. So it's like the best deal right now. And it's so worth it because that premium version of the assessment is so, so, so valuable. So you can just go there and take the assessment and get your book bonuses and get all the things.
Tracy: Awesome. Well, Ruth, thank you so much for being here today. This is such an awesome interview. I just love your energy, and we're going to be having a give-away for books, so stay tuned, in our community. I'm really excited about it, and I want you all to go out and do something that scares you today.
Ruth: I love it.
Tracy: Because that's what it's all about.
Ruth: I love it.
Tracy: Ruth, thanks again, for being here.
Ruth: Thank you so much, Tracy.
Tracy: Thanks so much for listening today. If you haven't already headed over to DoItScared.com, make sure that you do. Go buy Ruth's book. Also, check out our social media this media if you're listening to this in real time because we're going to be having a contest on how you can win the do it scared book. Also, if you're interested in really getting your online sales to the next level this holiday season, and you don't want to wait, make sure that you apply to our Train Your Customers To Buy From You Online 12-week intensive. It is going to be epic. We'll have a link and everything over at the show notes, or you can head straight there by heading on over to FlourishThriveAcademy.com/TrainMyCustomers. Easy-peasy. Super simple. We want to get you results that make a lasting impact. Have an awesome day, and take care until next time.
Thank you so much for listening to today's episode. It's my mission to help thousands of creative businesses, inside and outside the jewelry space, use their creativity to make money. Make sure that you're subscribed to Thrive-by-Design on iTunes, Spotify, Stitcher and wherever podcasts are played. We would love to hear what you think, please rate and review the show. If you're inspired, please share this with your friends. Here's to seeing you flourish and thrive.