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Have you experienced failure in your life or business? How you respond to that failure and the next steps you take dictate whether you will ever succeed, or continue to stay stuck where you are.

In today’s episode, Dr. Rick is joined by coach Kevin Breeding, who gives a number of great tips on overcoming failure, based on his personal experience.

Show Highlights Include:

  • The first question to ask when you don’t know what to do next (3:30)
  • The mindset mistake that keeps you buried in struggle and how to break free (8:30)
  • The common traits of people who win in spite of adversity (8:50)
  • Suck at visualizing your success? Give this a try… (9:58)
  • If you do any of these three things, you’re destined to keep losing (11:47)
  • Why working harder leads to failure and what you should actually be doing (13:21)

Do you want to stop existing and start living your best life right now? Click here to get the first chapter of Dr. Rick’s best-selling book, Lessons From a Third Grade Dropout, for free.

Read Full Transcript

Welcome to How Y'all Livin', a transformative podcast featuring best-selling author, inspirational speaker, and minister, Dr. Rick Rigsby. And now, Dr. Rigsby.

Dr. Rigsby: Friends, I am so excited for this episode. I get a chance to introduce to you one of my dearest friends. This is Kevin Breeding. Kevin is an international business coach. He coaches with some of the top businesses all throughout the world and he is a highly sought after motivational speaker. More important, he's a good guy. He's one of my dearest friends and he is my business coach. He is the person that really helped us to launch after my video went viral and continues his role to just help do whatever we need done. We have spoken together. We have worked together on projects. We all have, always have a project in the making and Kevin, my friend, what an honor to have you here on How Ya' Livin'. [0:01:18.0]

Kevin: Thanks so much. It's a real pleasure and an honor to be here with you. I appreciate the opportunity, but more importantly, I get the pleasure of getting to spend time with you all the time and to the audience, I've got to tell you, what you see on stage, what you hear on the podcast, Rick is the real deal, and that's why I love working with him because there is no façade. Thank you for being who you are.

Dr. Rigsby: Thank you so much, Kevin. Kevin has such an amazing background. I mean, it would take us forever, but a couple of things I want you to know. He's worked with some major ministries including Joyce Meyer Ministries, TD Jakes Ministries. He worked for years as the head of marketing and advertising for Wal-Mart. He has done some amazing things, but he's on this show and you will see him, by the way, as a regular contributor on our show at least once a month. If I can talk him into more, I will, but today's episode is awesome. [0:02:10.0]

Today's episode focuses on mindset and how do you develop a kind of mindset that will help you to overcome? So I've talked about all of Kevin's accolades. What you don’t know is this - there was a time in your life when you were going through a divorce and bankruptcy and you had to figure out a way to be an overcomer. How did you develop a mindset from that low point in your life?

Kevin: Well, you know, when you look back on it, it feels like it was so much easier, but at the time, it was the most devastating and gut-wrenching thing that I did. I remember sitting up in the middle of the bed one night in Dallas and thinking I was literally having a heart attack. I was in the middle of a panic attack because I had to find a job. I had to figure out how to get money flowing because my oldest was getting ready to go to college just six, seven months later. [0:03:03.0]

So there was just nothing left. It literally was at that point that every belief that I had, I had to decide was it words in the air or was it something that was in me? Was it something that literally dwelled in every fiber of my being? And it's that key decision, that key awareness to say either it's real or it's not. I've overcome things before. What do I need to do today and instead of looking at the big thing of how big this challenge was, I had to go and take it down to what do I need to do for the next day, for the next hour, for the next minute and how do I focus that way?

Dr. Rigsby: You really had to reduce life down to how am I going to overcome this next minute? How am I going to exist this next minute?

Kevin: Yeah, no. You absolutely have to because the challenge is is that we overinflate the severity of a challenge and we underestimate our own ability. We think of ourselves too small and our problems too great. Until we can stop and say, wait, wait, wait - where have I been before, what have I done that even if hard, even if I struggled, even if I failed at times, what did I achieve last? [0:04:10.4]

Dr. Rigsby: Wow.

Kevin: And I'm going back to my last win, and all I want to do is draw from that and say, okay, well if I beat that, then I should be able to beat this. And you're trying to minimize how large what the seeming monster is so that you can level the playing field mentally and say wait a minute - I've got a 50/50 shot.

Dr. Rigsby: We have people that are listening and watching right now, they're going through a divorce right now. So using that technique, what would you say to them?

Kevin: You know, the first thing that I had to do and I will tell you that I was angry. I was bitter. I was obviously doing what everybody does. I was blaming my now ex-wife and it wasn’t until I, and this was literally at an arbitration table with six attorneys around the table, all of which I was paying for, and I had to step out for a minute. I stepped out in the hallway and this overwhelming sense of just this sort of phrase came up out of my belly that says, "You'll always be able to go make more. Give it and walk away from it." [0:05:08.1]

Dr. Rigsby: Wow.

Kevin: And I mean, we were miles apart on where the negotiation needed to be. I don't know, and well, you know where that came from, from my personal faith story, but I had to come to a place where I said you know what - I'm not being attacked. I'm willfully giving away my freedom and allowing it to be attacked, and as soon as I took my hand off of it, that's what gave me the freedom and ultimately I went on, within the, you know, the divorce and bankruptcy happened within about a 6-month window together and over that next 12 months, I ended up building a multiple 6-figure business and rearranged my life entirely.

Dr. Rigsby: And it started with that epiphany at the table.

Kevin: Absolutely. It was at that moment.

Dr. Rigsby: Would you recommend that to people?

Kevin: I hope you'd make the decision before then because it's really expensive. It's just, you know… the thing, Rick, you know, I look at…I look back at it now and say wow, I can't believe what I've come through. At the moment, I was just gasping for my next breath of a win. Can I walk out of here? Can I have my dignity? Can I save those relationships with my girls? Moving what is most important to the front of the line and the personal attack, which really didn't matter, because now in hindsight, I don’t even really think about it anymore except in conversations like this. [0:06:20.1]

Dr. Rigsby: That's a good business principle, Kevin, but that's a principle that can be applied to youth football all the way up to the highest levels of executive buildings that you take a large problem and you break it down and say what is the one thing that's urgent that I can accomplish? That really does really demonstrate moving forward as opposed to not moving at all.

Kevin: Yeah. There's a universally known system called the Kaizen Theory, the Kaizen Method.

Dr. Rigsby: Tell us about it.

Kevin: It basically says when you're at that point where you're completely stuck, the thing that you need to do is figure out what is the next movement you can make forward, no matter how small. Take that step and take, you know, just move one step forward and that creates the breaking of the ice dam, so that momentum starts to flow. [0:07:05.7]

Dr. Rigsby: I'm learning chess right now, so that's good advice. Yeah, that's great advice. But it's a great principle because I think that the perception is we're stuck, but the reality is we're not really stuck. We have just stopped any forward progress from taking place. Is that correct?

Kevin: Yeah, completely. You know, the thing that, and I you know, I listen to your podcast, every one, and I love that you'd share a quote, I believe it was Wayne Dyer that talked about how you remove uncertainty when you become completely convinced of the outcome that you are going to bring about. And you know, wow - what a powerful phrase. And so, it is…once I came to that place where I said, "I am not going to be taken down by this. I'm not going to die from this. I'm not going to lose my relationship with my kids for this." And then you just begin to say, "Okay, then what do I have to do? What's required?" [0:08:02.7]

Dr. Rigsby: Man, that is a powerful foundation for a dynamic mindset of moving forward. What is it…I think we can some of the variables emerging, but I need to ask the question anyway. What is it that stops us from developing that kind of powerful mindset?

Kevin: You know, it's interesting because I had the opportunity to speak with people who are struggling, who are in a place where they feel stuck and that's a big delineation right there, because we're not actually stuck. We just convince ourselves, we allow ourselves to be convinced that we are. What you have to do is you look at what's the common traits of people who overcome versus people who are constant victims and they live in that victimhood?

Dr. Rigsby: This is good.

Kevin: I'm telling you, it's the thing that kind of, you know, it's like a big giant cartoon hammer over the head. It's like, you know, and then you hit it and so you realize the people who are truly successful are really successful because they ultimately can visualize themselves succeeding. They see the transformed Rick on the other side of the challenge. They see the transformed Kevin and they recognize that it is possible and I see it happen. [0:09:08.7]

People who are stuck in victimhood never have the ability to see their transformation and that visualization is really a core ingredient to initiating belief and ultimately your ability to succeed.

Dr. Rigsby: I'm seeing a person driving in a car right now and that person is saying, "I can't visualize myself anywhere but here." Give them some advice.

Kevin: Yeah. There's an interesting thing about this. The visualization, and I love that you mentioned the car because there's a fantastic example here. Just imagine for a second that, you know, the last time any of us, no matter if you're sitting at home, you're in your office, or here that you decided you wanted to go look for a car and you wanted to pick a brand new car. And you go and you look at it. You go to multiple lots and then ultimately what happens you decide to drive one and you fall in love with a car and you see yourself in that car. Almost immediately, you know, you say, okay, this is the one that I'm going to do. I'm going to go figure out, you know, how I'm going to pay for it and the financing or whatever. [0:10:06.8]

You drive off the lot and almost instantly, you start seeing that exact car at every stop light, at every stop sign, at every restaurant that you go to. You're like what is going on? It's not because the dealership has automatically sold, you know, 30,000 cars overnight. What it is is you have visualized yourself in the car, so your subconscious sees the car in passing or in traffic when otherwise you wouldn’t. And it's that example, if you can see yourself in the win, then it's much easier for you than to suspend this belief and say it is possible - I just have to go figure out the path.

Dr. Rigsby: That is so good. It makes sense also and gives proper context to so many athletes that talk about visualization, from Tiger Woods to Michael Jordan to Wilma Rudolph. She amazes me. Wilma Rudolph, if you don’t know, she grew up with braces to try to correct severe bone damage in her legs. [0:11:05.6]

She could see herself walking one day and then she could see herself running one day. Not surprisingly, she goes to the Olympics in 1960 and wins a gold medal, you know, in track and field and that visualization is important and it causes me to want to ask you this question. We only have a few minutes left. What are some of the reasons that people don’t develop this kind of mindset and I think you alluded to fear as one.

Kevin: You know, it really kind of boils down to three core elements and here again, I've coached with hundreds of entrepreneurs and business leaders and it all boils down to three common denominators. And it is this idea of fear of success, fear of failure, or being woefully uncommitted to a plan.

Dr. Rigsby: Hold on one second - fear of success?

Kevin: Yeah. In fact, it's interesting. I had a coach that actually was one of the top two or three finalists in an early episode of The Apprentice and it was crazy because you have all this success. [0:12:01.9]

They had a successful business, had real estate deals and they couldn’t figure out how to get their current project over the edge and what it was is she was actually afraid that her next project wouldn’t measure up to a past project. And so even though you have a track record of success, it's very easy to let fear creep in and you think, what if this one's not as good and all my friends will then make fun of me or they'll think, oh, they've lost their edge, they're not the same. It really is sort of that challenge of can I ever aspire to that level again or not. Then you get into fear of failure, which is a little easier on its face because I mean, none of us want to fail. Everybody wants to be the talk of the town. But you know, the thing is you talk about it often in your podcast and I love it is this idea is you know you're going to fail. If you're going to be successful, failure is inevitable. It's going to happen. It's that learning how to fail forward.

Dr. Rigsby: Right.

Kevin: And that's a key thing to do but the third one is probably the one that trips people up the most and that is being woefully uncommitted to a plan and it's the idea of the uncertainty quote by Dr. Wayne Dyer is that if you are wishy-washy, if you don’t believe that you have the winning solution, you're going to doubt yourself and you're going to allow doubt to come in. [0:13:12.4]

So, if you have uncertainty, the issue is not to just work harder, it's to come back and say do I have something that I believe in and I'm ready to go to the mat to prove will it work or not?

Dr. Rigsby: That is so powerful. Friends, I really hope you're catching this. You know what I'm thinking about? I'm thinking right now about a book by Napoleon Hill that I know that you and I have talked about before. The book is titled Think and Grow Rich. It has less to do with growing wealth and more to do with developing a mindset. In light of what you just said, every chapter screams one message by Hill. He says, "People that succeed have a definiteness of purpose and a burning desire to accomplish that purpose." Comment on that. [0:14:01.0]

Kevin: Yeah, no. It absolutely …it comes down to your plan. It comes down to grit. You have to just do the work and one of the things that I've been learning personally is that you also have to be able to detach yourself from the outcome and you literally can say, I am going there. I'm going to get there. It may not be today, but I will get there. So that way, when you have a momentary setback, it's alright - it's all just part of the plan. It's the making sure you're constantly moving forward.

Dr. Rigsby: Kevin, repeat the three variables again that are roadblocks to developing a mindset.

Kevin: Yeah. The biggest things are fear of failure, fear of success and being woefully uncommitted to a plan that you can believe in.

Dr. Rigsby: So here's what I want our listeners and viewers to walk away from this episode. I love the words of Denzel Washington, the great actor, who probably failed four times as much as he succeeded, but said this on one occasion, "Don’t be afraid to fail." And it really speaks to point number two, and he says, "If you're going to fail, fail big." [0:15:04.5]

And he says, "Resist this mindset that you have something to fall back on." And it's almost as if he's listening to you right now because he said, "Never fall back. Always fall forward." If that's not a powerful word today, I can't think of one. We should always fall forward and even if we have to fall a thousand times, just imagine the mindset, Kevin, that we're developing and that's what you're saying.

Kevin: No it absolutely is. Actually, one of my coaches in the years past, Ryan Levesque, he's a very successful entrepreneur. He always used to help teach and train and he would say, "There's no such thing as failure. There is either success or tuition."

Dr. Rigsby: I love that.

Kevin: I think it's so powerful.

Dr. Rigsby: Oh, that is.

Kevin: When you think about it that way, that you literally have everything moving forward. There is no falling back unless you willfully give it up and allow yourself to be taken back.

Dr. Rigsby: What a great way to end on, but I don’t want to end, Kevin. I can listen to you talk all day. You have such wisdom and such amazing practical examples. [0:16:07.3]

If you want more of Kevin Breeding, you can tune in to my podcast and see him here on a regular basis. He also has a podcast. In fact, it's titled "Take Back Your Tomorrow", which I love. You know, it was Les Brown who said that most of us live in our memory, and not in our imagination. Kevin wants to inspire you about this notion of moving forward and taking back everything that was lost. You can also go to KevinBreeding.com and I think for those of you listening and watching today, Kevin might have a wonderful offer for you right now.

Kevin: Yeah, thanks. You know, Rick, you're just such an unbelievably precious individual in my life and so just as a gift to you and also a gift to your audience, if you just go to KevinBreeding.com/Rick, there's a little video series right there that I want to give to your audience that gives you those basic foundational roots and expands sort of on the three tenets of how to take control of your mindset so that you drive your future, rather than react to it. [0:17:08.7]

Dr. Rigsby: Wow. Thank you, Kevin. And that's KevinBreeding.com…

Kevin: /rick.

Dr. Rigsby: /Rick. KevinBreeding.com/Rick. Thank you for thinking about the audience. Thank you for making time for me, Kevin. I can't wait until we're together again in a couple of weeks. Friends, thank you for tuning in today. You've had an incredible opportunity to talk with one of the leading experts in the world with regard to developing a kind of mindset that will help you take back your tomorrow. Friends, until we meet again, this is Dr. Rick, along with my special guest, Kevin Breeding, asking you the most important question that I could ask you today, how ya' livin'? We'll talk to you soon.

Are you ready to make an impact in your world right now? Do you want to stop existing and start living your best life right now? Dr. Rick wants to give you the first chapter of his best-selling book, Lessons From A Third Grade Dropout, absolutely free. Just go to www.RickRigsby.com/freegift to get the print or audio book right now.

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