lHi there. I'm Jill Allen and this is find your fierce, the show designed for women to discover your fierce, unlock and unstoppable mindset. Build unbreakable courage and completely transform how you show up every single day. Each week I will bring ideas, methods and strategies that will inspire you to step into your greatness and live life on purpose. Let's be fit, fierce and unstoppable.
(00:36): Hey there gang. Welcome to find your fierce. So glad that you, We are here today with us. I have been receiving messages from you and my clients wanting to mindset talk and an episode on overcoming and breakthrough. And I value what you are wanting to hear. I love it. When you send feedback, leave a review and share, find your fierce with your friends and because of your reviews and comments, you know, it allows each episode to get out and help more women just like you who want to add some fire to their day. So thank you for taking that time and shooting us a quick review feedback and for always reaching out and because I listen and I'm hearing what you were putting out there. My friend Amy is with us today. And let me tell you about this phenomenal woman. We actually met in Vegas several years back at a conference. And I loved her right from the get go.
(01:22): She lives in Florence, Kansas, a mindset coach, mom of four. We connected with an iron man, right? So she does all that good stuff, leads women's circles. And I tell you, she has been on a roller coaster of these past 12 months, and I want you to hear her story, her perspective, and how we can bridge the gap when it comes to division and to show up with peace and compassion in our hearts all while overcoming some of the most challenging and difficult days of our life. Meet my friend, Amy Carrillo girl, how are you so glad you're with us? Where do we start? Thank you, Jill. It's so good to see you and be with you. I feel the same about you. I loved our instant connection and over fitness and children and coaching. So I'm really excited to be here. Thanks for having me.
(02:12): Oh, I love it. I love it. You bring so much fire. I mean, you have literally, you've been, you've been through the ringer these last 12 months, actually. Exactly. Yeah. You know, we all have, we absolutely all have my journey might be a little bit different from other people's because right. When everything was shutting down in America, I got COVID and you know, at the time we were being told it was only old people, it was only obese people. It was only people with preexisting conditions. And here I was a healthy 42 year old, very active, worked out most days a week, you know, used to do triathlons marathons. So I wasn't worried about me all. I was worried about my parents, you know, and even then I was thinking, well, they're in their sixties are healthy. You know, maybe they'll get sick. That would be
(03:00): Awful. But I really wasn't that worried. I had just taken a job as a house arrest officer. My background has been around sales and coaching, also law enforcement. And I had just gotten back into a career with that about eight weeks. And I was sick. The week we shut down at our office to work from home. I had a slight sore throat. And then the first day we worked from home was on a Friday, March 15th or so 19th. It doesn't matter. And I was really tired. So we were, I worked all day from home and then I went to sleep. And then that night started my horrendous journey. That's lasted the whole year with COVID the next day I woke up with crazy muscle aches, worse than natural childbirth. It's got nothing on COVID. I can put that out there. I've had a couple of natural childbirth and I would take that any day over COVID cause those Inns and COVID has not ended for me.
(03:52): So that just started my roller coaster. I ended up having pneumonia with COVID. I was the ER, twice efforts. They wouldn't even test me because again, it was so new. They were being really frugal with the testing. So when I went to the ER was tested, it came back positive and I'd already been sick for like a week at that point. So I thought I was almost done. And that's the thing with COVID in my experience, the roller coaster I'd think, Oh, I'm better. It's fine. I'll probably be back at work the next day. And then it would hit me again. And so I was in bed for about a full month with it, whole range of symptoms, brain fog, fatigue, cough, muscle aches. It felt like an elephant was on my chest. It felt like my bones were falling off my body. It just could not get comfortable.
(04:36): You know, I quarantined from my family, my four kids and my husband, my husband, luckily was working from home and took over everything in article. I think that's when the two week shut down for the, I don't even really know what it was like for other people. Cause I was so in my own world, but for me it just hasn't it's significantly gotten better, but it hasn't gone away. I've turned major cornerstones every few months or so, but I still suffer with the brain fog and the fatigue. I can't really read. I've just now been able to get back into exercise, but it's nowhere near the capacity that it used to be. So I've really just had, and then psychologically I've dealt with a lot of PTSD from it. Anxiety is just, it's been a really honestly horrific and terrifying. And this is something that we don't hear about. I'll be completely honest. I mean, this don't hear about the term.
(05:27): Right. And even, even when I was first sick, you know, once I finally was able to be out of bed again, that was like 26 days. That was my first day out of bed for the whole day was 26 days. I thought again, like, okay, this is over. That was horrible. I'm going to be fine. Because yeah, we hear about the deaths numbers and we hear about, you know, all of those things. And so I, my health department was contacting me because they wanted to say I was recovered. And I kept saying, I mean, I'm not embedded anymore, but I'm not recovered. Like I am not, my body is nowhere. Like my chest still her, I couldn't breathe. I mean, I got fatigued walking around the block, you know, I was, I was not recovered in any way. And they just kept saying really, really.
(06:07): And I, I was like, what's wrong with me? Like, why can't I kick this? And so I started searching online and I started finding support groups. And again, a lot of people haven't heard of this, which blows my mind. It's starting to come more mainstream. You know, I'll see an article here and there, but we started calling ourselves long haulers or you'll hear a long COVID Fowchee, just coined some term for it too. So we're out there. And the thing is a lot of us are young, healthy athletes and we're having issues still a year later and many are way worse than mine. Many have heart issues. Many are still in bed, many can't work. So I, I definitely consider myself lucky that I've made it out alive, that I made it out. That's there, my functioning adult, again, it's wrecked. It's it's I don't want to say it wrecked my world.
(06:51): It rocked, it shipped things up. Right. And it's taught me a lot about myself, about our society, about friends, about family, but about the choices we make and why. And so I've had to learn to give myself a lot of compassion, set boundaries for myself, you know, really pull those tools out of the toolkit. You know, when you're a coach, you coach yourself, right? And so we've got lots of tools in our toolkit and you know, I've always been so optimistic and mind over matter and I can manifest anything. And this was something that I couldn't change, you know? And I couldn't, I couldn't do affirmations to make this get better. And it was really, really frustrating for me. So I've had to seek help and, and really reach out to people that I trust and really build myself up from the ground up.
(07:41): I can only imagine our family has not been impacted with COVID, that's wonderful with the actual illness, right. But all the other things everybody's been impacted with code, we all know that. And you know, we don't necessarily need to, you know, dive into that. But when you were going through that and the whole month of the isolation and not being able to see your kids and your, your career was obviously impacted and, and this long haul, I can only assume that you had a lot of time to reflect about who you are, where you are, how to respond, how to overcome. And I mean, how did you, how did you get through that? Like what was going through your mind or what was able, what was, what were you able to unpack?
(08:28): I mean, it's been a process and it continues. It's definitely been that roller coaster. And again, because I would feel better for an hour or two hours or half a day than a full day, you know, that the time of feeling better has increased, but then it's always steps back. It's still to this day, you know, I'll have a good week and then I'll be exhausted for a few days. Or I call it like, my brain goes offline. I can't read, I can't focus. I'm fatigued. I have to go to bed at seven o'clock. You know, I have to tell my, sorry, I'm I got into skull laid down. So really that compassion for myself and letting go of who I used to be. There's a book called . That at first I was not open to even accepting that that was a possibility, you know, I want to be that fit active voracious reader that can help other people, right.
(09:14): I'm a helper like that is who my identity has always been. As I'm a connector, I'm a helper, I help others. And so to be the one that has to be vulnerable and very much humbled, my ego definitely took a hit. I had to learn to accept help from others. You know, when we were quarantined, it was during the lockdown. So my family was all considered presumptive positive as well. So we couldn't go to the store, we couldn't do anything. And so we had to accept, help from people, but then it was also coupled with the idea, like, I didn't want my friends going to the store. I didn't want them exposed to something just to go pick up Powerade for me or dinner for my family. At that time, we thought maybe it was on surface is too. So, you know, it's just, there are so many unknowns.
(09:56): And I was just, I felt like I was at the thick of it. And then you see life going on, not normally for other people, but you know, they're not dealing with this. They're not dealing with a life or death situation. There they're upset that he can't go to Starbucks. They're upset that they, their kids are out of school. They're upset that you know, their life to me as a person who was sick in bed, it felt so selfish that their worries were so superficial. And here I was like in a life or death situation alone in my room, no answers from doctors, no answers from our leadership. Basically I was a Guinea pig. And then when I did go to the ER, I was, they were very nice and compassionate, but you could tell they wanted me out of there as soon as possible because I could expose them. So, I mean, you feel like this pariah of like, I need help. I don't know what to do. And they're like we don't know what to tell you again.
(10:47): Yeah. Well, in the feeling of, you know, the loss to the grief of the time that you're losing, or again, who you thought you were and how you used to be this, this can apply to everyone, whether they had COVID or not. I can assume that they can guys. I want you to think back to a moment or a time or a circumstance where you have where your world was rocked. And there was a choice of how do we move forward? How do we kind of dive into this? How can we move forward? You know, when you have feelings of the fear and the doubt and the feelings of being lost. So whether you had COVID or not, I want you to apply this and think back to a moment when you had maybe that feeling and because what Amy sharing with you, I mean, you've already shared so much, and I don't even know if you even realized of, of what you've shared of how you can apply that to maybe what it is that you're going through.
(11:43): Yeah, absolutely. To me. And also the word defeat came up when you were talking like, yeah, we've all had those moments, you know, and there's such a spectrum, right? There's professional defeat, there's a physical defeat. There's, you know, things where your body or your mind aren't working the way you want them to. And again, I've always been someone that's like, you know, if you just tried hard enough and you just push yourself and you just motivate yourself and you set goals, that's always been enough for me to get through it. And so it's given me so much more empathy for people that are going through diseases and things where, you know, I think that there's a lot of blame. Joel, I've already got a lot of discussion, you know, the blame and the shame and the divisiveness over so many topics in our country. But I think that we do that with healthism a little bit too in this country, you know, we blame things on the individual where things also just happen to people.
(12:37): You just get some diseases, you write it, right. And you can't manifest your way out of it. You can't positive yourself out of it yet. So those are all great tools and they all have a place and they can help for sure. I'm always going to be an advocate of affirmations and meditation and positive self-talk, but there's also a point when you're at that level of defeat and despair that you have to really just get quiet and get grounded and cut the noise out of that social media media, or well-meaning even friends or family. And you really have to just keep quiet and be with yourself because at the end of the day, that is all we have. And that's all I had. I was in a room with my phone and alone, like, and that's, that can be a very scary place to be because you really have to pace yourself and face those fears.
(13:24): I mean, I've never realistically faced death before. And I really was at that door and had to make the choice. I'm not ready to let go. And how do I move forward through this? And it's hard and it's painful. And you know, I've had to go to therapy for I've sat at my desk at work sobbing. I've had to leave my desk and go behind my building and just sob and just let it out because it was a pain, you know, when you're going through that defeat, no matter what, where it's in your life to process it is it's just such, such a roller coaster. And I think if we don't let ourselves process it, which I've done in other instances, you know, it does get stuffed down and then that stuff always comes up, right? Like you're always going to have to move through it. So whether it's body work or therapy or as spiritual connection, you have to find what tools work for you and be open and willing to move through it as painful as it can be.
(14:18): Well, you mentioned letting go. You don't want to let go, but in the end it's like everything that we are not able to, we can't control too much in life. You know, we have free will, things like that, but for us to be able to let go and completely surrender and for you to be able to move on. And because there's so much people go through so much so much in our life and there has been such a, a divide. You brought that up where there's so much going on in the world. How can we show up amongst this division, mass, no mask go to work, not go to work. Kids, go to school, not go to school. You have, you know, the politics thrown in there as well. There's so much hate. There's so much divide on both ends. And we're so convicted whether whatever side you're on, how do we move on with that compassion and have those open, have that openness to where we can see things from a different perspective, see people through a different lens or whether we agree or not. Yeah.
(15:21): You know, I always come back to Bernie Brown and if you don't read Bernay Brown or listen to my podcast, go do it to me. She breaks things down in a very simplistic plus it's academic. So it's real. There's real, there's real statistics there. But she always says, if we sit down at a table with someone that we disagree with, it's really hard to disagree when you're face-to-face with someone because you see who they are. And that's, you mentioned, I lead women and circles in a women's circle. Women gather as they have for eons that as we don't tend to do now but how, how women have for years and in these communities, and we share ourselves, we, you get to hear first you're given space and time to talk, which as a woman, we are not usually open to that. You know, we're we usually want other people to talk. We're carers, we're givers. We want to take care of other people. Tell me how you're feeling.
(16:12): Oh, I'm fine. Tell me how you're feeling. And in a women's circle, every woman has time to share. So maybe it's like two minutes. Okay. You have two minutes at first, this fear pops up like, Oh my gosh, I don't know what to say. I don't have anything to say. And then you just start sharing. And usually tears come because it's so emotional to be given space, to just share. And what I typically find is that when you hear other women share, it is so humbling because we all have stuff, right? Like, you know, I can see your life from afar and it looks picture perfect. Right? You're beautiful. You're fit. You have this wonderful family. Well there's problems under there too. Right? Every human has like, we are all so much more similar than we are different. And when we hear that from each other and can actually just shut our mouth and listen and not make it about us, we can have compassion for that person. And more than likely, we're going to pull our problems back. Like if we saw everyone's problems, you would pick your own. Like as horrible as this year was for me, I'm sure if I heard 10 other women's stories of what this year was like for them, I would still pick my experience.
(17:16): Oh God, this is so good. I'm telling you, wow. Yeah, true. You have a voice. You have, we all have a voice and we all have for what we're doing. And believe me, I will be the first to let you know, this year has left me. I've moved past her. But a part of this year, I was angry. I was very decisive. I was very canceled culture. If you said something I did not agree with, but also part of that too, we have to look at where people are coming from. I can be a little bit more compassionate now because I'm in a safer space. I feel better about who I am and where I am. Oh wow. When I was in that deep dark hole of pain,
(17:57): I mean, I didn't want to hear it to me. If you didn't wear a mask, if you were against masks, you were in compassionate jerk. You're not having compassion because to me what that silly piece of cloth showed, even though it might not work a hundred percent of the time. I'm totally aware of that. But to me, it showed that you had compassion, that you wanted to protect other people. And I get that people have a completely different aspect of that, right? The individual, their society. But for me, being through my horrible experience, mentally, I could not accept that people wouldn't do a simple thing to me. It was like, you tell me, you know, we've all been touched by cancer, right? We all know someone that has cancer. To me, it would be like saying, okay, here's pancreatic cancer. It's a horrible disease. It could kill you.
(18:45): It probably will kill you or someone, you know, but here's a piece of fabric you can put over your mask and this will protect you or other people. Like, I feel like if, if you change it to cancer or, you know, think about AIDS or sexually transmitted diseases, like it's open that you wear a condom, protect yourself, right. Or to protect others from sexually transmitted diseases. To me, a mask is the same thing. And I get that people have completely different concepts of that. But again, if you spoke to someone who has a different perspective than you, whether it's masks or politics or anything, once we're out of our echo chamber and out of our bubble, because we do surround ourselves with people that think the same as us, I'm guilty of it too. But what I try to do when I am in a good Headspace is recognize that and then investigate the other side.
(19:32): You know, if I see an article or a mean triggers me, hijacks me, there's something there. Whether it's, whether it's saying that I'm not right about something or it's questioning what my reality is. So I'll research. I will go to the other side and look at whether it's the Washington post or Fox news. If I'm reading something, that's like all one sided, I will look at the other. I will go to that other website and read an article and then whole reality to me from those things, because it is divisive on both sides. It is, it's rude on both sides. It's the bullying, we're into this culture where it's okay to do that. And the repercussions of all of this are going, there's going to be really great books written in 20 years about what this has done to, Oh my gosh, our children, and even adults, you know, just being alone, you know, whether or not we have a family or not, we all are alone in some capacity. And it shows us what I'm coping mechanisms. We usually had that maybe we haven't been able to have this year. And so we've really, we've all had to get quiet within ourselves to some degree and really think, who am I? And do I like who I am?
(20:37): What's the truth. What's my truth. What, what is it that I'm hearing? We need to slow down a little bit for us to be able to just peacefully listen and communicate lost that ability. Because again, whether the news media one-sided, you know, from both sides, as well as we hide behind these screens and we see this flow of everything that is going on and we've lost the ability to communicate and just really have a heart to heart talk. And I think it's that connection that we all need to get back to in the fact that we can still all love, appreciate what it is that we can learn from other people from different, having different perspectives. If we were all the same, right. Would be so boring because we all think the same. And that's the best part about just having life is that we have been created to think differently and, and, and, and share our gifts in a completely different way. And we can learn from each other. And I think that's just the biggest blessing of all, but we've lost that ability. And I think that's where these circles and, and being able to connect with people is so important because it brings us back to just really appreciating others, right?
(21:51): Andrew come to the point that we don't have to agree right now, there does not have to be this like hooky, Dory. Oh, I totally get where you're coming from. But we do, I think deserve the right. And this is where boundaries come into play too. You know, there, there have to be certain, you know, rules of the game, you know, to not call each other names, to listen to each other, without speaking, to accept that their reality is their reality because there's truth on both sides. Absolutely. I had a close friend. I shared with you earlier, who unfortunately, you know, we've kind of parted ways because you know, multiple reasons that it was around the pandemic and the way that we both felt about it. And we could not come to common ground. And I had to put boundaries in place because I mentally was not at a place where I could be around someone that was speaking the things she was speaking, and she respected that boundary. But now we don't love from afar love from afar know when we need to call it quits. Yeah.
(22:45): Then I saw a meme right after we had a discussion and it was like a square hole. And, you know, one was a circle and one was like a heart. And it's like, they both could fit into that square. And it's like, there's truth on both sides. Like, and again, from our own life experiences, that's what we bring to the table. You know, again, whether that's just our train, you know, whether how we were trained, how we were brought up, who we're surrounded with, you know, we're typically a product of our environment. And we, we come to think this is just how we think, right? Like someone who was raised in the South thinks a certain way, right? Like we can, we have these ideals. Someone in New York probably thinks a certain way. Well, that's what they're surrounded with. And that's where we have to educate ourselves and speak to other people. And again, we don't have to agree, but there's usually truth at the center of it. And there's usually their experiences and their fears, right? Most of our hate comes from fear. And at the end of the day, we're scared. We're going to die. We're scared. Someone's going to get sick. We're scared. We're going to lose our livelihood. Like, you know, all of those things on one, that's what we're really scared about, but we all come at it from really different ways.
(23:48): Yeah. I love this because I hope you guys are listening to this. It's just, I just hope that we can just see through a different lens and just be open to see a different side. I love being able to see from both sides. And if I don't see both sides, I would hope someone can call me out and share that in a respectful way and just be able to get back to that communication and the connection and just love people. I mean, at the end of the day, you know, just love people and not be the one that, that, that brings that hate.
(24:19): Right. Exactly. And that's, you know, again, like I've said through this year, when I was in those dark places, I was not my best self. And that's what we have to remember too. Everyone is triggered. Everyone has pandemic fatigue at this point, no matter their experience, no matter if they were seemingly unsaved from it, whether their jobs are fine, they weren't sick. Their families say they've still probably been in a house. Children are repeat, you know, like everyone has been affected by this, the severity and the long lasting effects are different for everyone. But I don't even know what my point was now.
(24:54): Well, yeah. I mean, I hear it like just though the whole letting go and not being able to take offense. Yes. That's what it was. So take that baby. And so we can actually show up as our best self and not in a place of revenge or
(25:09): Humanizing that, so that's something that I was just, I go to therapy, you know, from the anxiety and the PTSD from COVID cause it's been a range of emotions, but something that we worked on or she asked about, and when I was in that trigger and hijacked upset space, and I know about boundaries, so I put boundaries into make it safe for me to be around safe people that I could handle, because any triggers would make me go off the deep end, but also realizing that when you're at your lowest place, like that is when you shut your mouth. That's not, when you gossip about people, like we should never gossip about people. That's not where, you know, share, you know, like that you, you have that feeling where like you're just doing it to be rude or to be mean. And yeah, it's funny.
(25:47): And it's fun to share that with your friends, but like, it's also really nice when you go to start, when you are at a healthy place that you can see that from a foreign, you think, do I really need to share this meat? Yeah, it's funny. But like, this is also hurtful for some people like really like that intention behind what we're doing when we're doing it, whether it's calling people sheeple, because we've heard that on the news. And we think that's funny that could really hurt people because they think that, you know, we all think that about each other and it's true. Again, there's truth in it
(26:18): All following someone. But do you want me to do about it? Or what do you want me to know about it? And what do you want me to do about it? And if we can just ask these questions, there would be a lot of slumping down. Yeah. It can be so simple, a good thing,
(26:37): Flag on a house, whether it's a trans slag for gay rights or a blue lives matter, flag it. And we make a decisive about who lives in that house and what they believe and may or may not be true in our place to judge that flag is triggering to us. Let's break that down and ask, why do you mean we're seeing it in the Congress or the Senate or wherever, you know, they're put up a flag, they put up a sign, okay. Let's break. Like, why is that so triggering for you? Why is this so triggering for you? Like, and again, it's that fear that the world is not how we think it should be,
(27:06): What it is that our past experiences that have what it is that we need to work through ourselves. Right. And my husband and I have great conversations about this totally random thing, but it's right now, if, if trans people can play in sports. So if someone's transitioned to a male, if that are, let's say a male is transitioned to a female, if that female can now compete in women's sports, because a lot of people think, well, they have all this. They're a man. They can't either born male. So like Jason, I argue about this kind of stuff all the time. And like why people are so passionate about it because he wants to have these conversations. And I'm like, at the end of the day, this is how I feel that I that's not to me, if you're not personally experiencing it, you don't get as much conversation in it. And that's kind of how I feel with COVID like, you can have a personal experience with it, but if you haven't gone through it, to me that demotes you a bit the same, like, I can have an opinion about if businesses should be open or closed, but if I don't have a business, I can choose to go to a business or not.
(28:05): I can choose to wear a mask, but not there's all these things. And then how does it affect other people not knowing what goes on in the four walls of a home. We just, we just don't know what people are going through and we need to take a step back.
(28:16): Yeah. And if we have a problem with it, we can ask and we can, maybe we can have like an adult conversation, you know? And I really respect people that can have those conversations. You know, I have friends that I'll go back and forth online, even if it's completely different perspectives and they can have a respectful argument conversation and still respect each other at the end of the day. And to me, that's still blowing because I used up until now, I've avoid, I tend to avoid conflict. You know, I don't get involved in things. And I've really had to learn to, we haven't talked about this yet, but I've learned, had to learn this year, how to advocate for myself, how to have those uncomfortable conversations, how to make requests at work or with other people like this, isn't working for me. I really need this. And then what to do when that's not heard or respected, but it gets rocked. It does. And I mean, I've had to change jobs because of it, but it's always this or something better. That's I always come back to that. That's one of my favorite things for one of my coaches, is this or something better? Like if this isn't working, there is a better option out.
(29:18): Oh yeah. And it's all part of the master plan that we, that we cannot see, let it work out. Yeah. We would never pick the trials that we've been through. But then looking back, we're like, Oh, you know, we can make it mean anything, but Oh, maybe I had to go through that to then get to this point.
(29:33): Absolutely. Wow. Crazy. I am so glad that we have had this discussion and I just hope and pray women's eyes and hearts and ears have been opened just to be able to see through a different lens. Absolutely. Where can they find you? So right now you can find me on Facebook or Instagram. Amy Rose, Carrillo Carrillo is C a R R I L L O has two hours in two ELLs. So yeah, you can kind of find me there and then always reach out through a DM or instant message if you need anything specific, because I tend to ebb and flow with social media too. Right now, since coaching is not my full-time job right now. So that's awesome. Message is always a great way. I'm happy to talk to people. And if you are experiencing COVID or you are a long holler, I'm a happy, I'm happy to connect with people that are going through that.
(30:25): I've done that for hundreds of people, because I know how alienating and terrifying it can be. And I'm happy to point you to resources that have helped me as well as just listen. Oh my gosh. That is so awesome. I love it. I cannot thank you enough. Thank you so much for being here, ladies. I'm so glad that you've been with us. You are being called to rise. I want to invite you to the Jess Brie sisterhood, a 12 month mindset and accountability experience that is rooted in biblical truth for Christian women, like you who are ready to rise up, had to be fit and fierce.com forward slash just breathe. Or you can check it out on the just brief Facebook group heads up on the next episode. You know how we roll here. It's whatever gets downloaded into my heart. That is what we will speak about chat about. And it's always fire. Thanks so much for joining us today. Please subscribe, share this episode, link on your social media. If you felt encouraged or inspired, as we all know someone that can benefit. And I would love it. If you would give some feedback and a review as well, talk with you next time, [inaudible] be unstopped.
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