Hi there. I'm Jill Allen and this is find your fierce, the show designed for women to discover your fierce, unlock and unstoppable mindset. Build unbreakable courage and completely transform how you show up every single day. Each week I will bring ideas, methods and strategies that will inspire you to step into your greatness and live life on purpose. Let's be fit, fierce and unstoppable.
(00:37): Hey there. Welcome. Can you find your fierce? We are back and so glad that you were with us here today. We have such a special guest here with us. The world renowned confidence, coach Trish Blackwell. She is the host of the competence podcast, founder of the competence college, and she teaches women how to live competently and courageously as the woman God created us to be. I absolutely love her message and her heart, her fire. So welcome, Trish, how are you? Jill, I just I'm already blessing. Thank you. I ended up feeling great. I've got my afternoon espresso shot. I'm ready. I'm ready to grow. I I can just cannot. Thank you enough for popping on. I know your time is precious. Your little ones and houses, little quiet time here. And we are going to just kind of chat from the heart. I mean, where do we begin?
(01:25): So there's so many elements to competence. I think so the interesting thing is people, the people who need it the most well it's everyone, but the, the, the higher you achieve the deeper you need to work on competence, bottom line, new levels, new devils, and we get attacked for so many things that can cause imposter syndrome and insecurity. And then when the world knows that you achieving and you get all this applause, then you sort of internalize some of the insecurities and the messaging and the thoughts because you're supposed to have it all together. And it looks like you have it all together. So it shouldn't be enough. Most of the women I work with are the surgeons, the doctors, the lawyers, the entrepreneurs, the fitness models that literally the highest of achievers. We go deep in the confidence a little bit, because that as you grow your competency as that next level, too, and it goes with competence and courage, like, I, I like that message that your competence and your courage help you step into your calling, right?
(02:21): But it also goes with, with your message of being fierce and stepping into a boldness. And at the end of the day, all of it's an inside job has nothing to do with the number on the scale has nothing to do with how many pushups you can do or nothing to do with how fast you run, how much money your business brought in that month. All of it, it's completely separate from circumstances. And that's where I think people go, I'll be confident when, just like we say, well, I'll be happy with my body. What? I'm just five pounds down. It's that finish line that just never stops. Yeah. It needs to be even though, or even if, even if, and I already am planning for what I'm prayi ng for. I walk with this competent expectation that what the work I'm doing now on the inside is the inside work.
(03:03): That's going to make the difference. The thing that's been on my heart a lot recently is is that all of it comes down to thought work. It's not like I'm going to feel confident because I don't think competence is yes. It's a feeling like fundamentally, I coach people on thoughts, how to re we rewire their brain have changed their thoughts, how to be the boss of their thoughts, not to have their thoughts, be the boss of them and how to manage your mindset. How does he captive thoughts? Because competence is something it's not something I hope I have. One day. It's something we all are born with. It's innateness. Oh, I mean, for your mom, right? You need in your kids. I mean, it doesn't matter as it's like a baby, how many times they fall and they fall and they fail and they found their hair.
(03:42): Not like, they're not worried. They're never going to walk like theirs. It doesn't even come into question. They just keep trying. So we, we are born with an innate resilience and an ability to keep on keeping on and believe that it's possible, whatever we want to do, we can do, but we lose it. And so what I like to remind people is that you already have access to all the confidence you need, but it would have to change how we think about it. And we have to change the way we think when you change the way you think you change your life. So I actually teach my students in the college of competence that your competence, isn't a feeling, it's a type of thinking. It's a type of living. It's a type of thought pattern that we train, right? It's a neuropathway that we use our default settings to kind of, to program in.
(04:26): So it becomes what you do. It just becomes who you are, because you can be competent without actually feeling confident that you can come off confidently. Right. And I mean, that's what courage is to sometimes you have to show up and go, okay, I don't feel competent, but I'm a step in, cause I know that I don't have to trust my feelings. If you follow the, the, a lot of the life coaching models of how to create behavior, behavior change. It's your thoughts that drive your feelings. But I think we think it SAPs it often. Well, we're not really taught a lot of things we think, well, I don't feel it so I'm not ready. Therefore it's true. But when we don't have to trust our feelings and we also don't have to believe every thought that comes through our mind, thoughts are like trains, right?
(05:03): And you're standing on this platform and the train comes by just because it's coming by does not mean you have to jump on that train, right? Whether it's a train of comparison comparing to spare, or it's a train of going back to an old narrative of who you were and the shame you felt because you were binge eating or whatever it might be. And, and it's just a thought, let that thought pass. It's going to go that direction. So we can look at our thoughts and say, what thought do I need to get on with train bot? And where's that going to take me? But when you know that you can train your thoughts and you can think confident and you can think yourself into action, because it goes how we think affects how we feel. And that affects how we take action. And our actions are what get us results.
(05:41): But it all starts with a thought. So often we wait to feel competent. I want to feel ready. I want to feel sure. And one of my favorite things I like to tell people is, Hey, if you're 50, if we have a majority share of confidence in your, in your feelings right now, you're good enough. So like that, she joined, like when when I had a mentor, a coach has said yeah, Trish. I said, well, I'm like, I dunno. I'm like pretty, I mean, I don't know, like I feel 70% good about it. He was like, Oh my God, you're great. Go for it. It's like, so I really do believe it. If you're 51% confident and 49% insecure about one thing, you are enough. You're majority share. It's like, even if it's, you're looking at the life, life is 50 50. There's good.
(06:21): And there's bad, but we want to make it majority good. Like, even if it's a 51%, you're still doing good. Like that is winning for sure. I love working with people because we want that feeling. But the feeling comes as a result of the thoughts. And I hope that encourages somebody today because I think there's a message. Oh, wow. I have so far to go. Like we've identified. Well, when I look like this, then I'm going to be confident when I'm bold enough to get knock on these doors for these opportunities, whatever that goal might be then, and then I'm going to be confident. And instead to put on a thought as if it's like, we're putting on clothes, right. I'm putting on a thought and that is who I become. My thoughts are who I become.
(07:01): Oh my gosh, I love it. Well, and if we, and if we go with just our feeling that goes back to that yo-yo cycle constantly, because on the days we feel good, we're on fire, whatever it is. And then if we just don't feel like it that day, boom, we take a deep dive and then it just starts all over again. And we base our life off of her feelings and it's just not the way to go.
(07:23): Yeah. Yeah. And I lived that way for a long time. And it is a, it is a cycle of self-sabotage and shame and sadness and, and like super high highs, but very, very, very deep lows. And it's all so contingent. Like you never know, it's almost like you're holding your breath every day, going, gosh, I hope this is good today. And we have so much more power over our lives. We can design our days. We have so much more power within us than we think we give access to. And it all comes from the well, the gift of free will that we've been given the ability to think on what we think about. And I, I also, I have a lot of clients still that, that have done a lot of the work, but then they go to church. I think you're S I'm so sorry.
(08:02): It's taking me so long to like master these concepts. I'm like, Whoa, girl. Like, this is a lifelong journey. This is like every day, every day thing. And one of my favorite and recent analogies is I'm not mad at my humanity or D I don't think I'm behind, or I'm not inadequate. Or man, I'm just like, I'm just a hot mess because I have bad breath in the morning. Like that's called being human, right? Like I need to brush my teeth daily. That's good. Dental hygiene, same thing. Like, it's a good idea to shower frequently. So otherwise, if you don't, you're going to have body odor. And so we're not mad at our bodies for needing to brush our body, so to speak in the shower and scrub it or brush our teeth. So why are we upset with ourselves that we have to brush our minds daily with the brush, our brains?
(08:49): Like, that's what I think that journaling is. That's why I think thought work is, that's what I think the work to get competences every day, brushing out the bag. Thoughts, taking the toxic thoughts out, putting good thoughts in, wow, this is awesome. Like, isn't it like, cause there's not something wrong with me. I mean, I still, I spent so many years going, there's something wrong with me? Why can't I just master this concept? Like I know, I know I'm supposed to feel good. Why don't I feel good? Well, I wasn't actually setting my mind right. Every day, setting my mind on things that were of above things that are important. Also meditating on what I wanted to become part of who I was. And honestly, most of the reason I was like one too busy. I'm too busy. I don't know if you know my people out there that have that too busy.
(09:31): I don't know if you know my background, but I, I used to manage a very large fitness facility of 80,000 square feet. I trained 30 trainers. I was traveling the country as a presenter for personal training sales. I love fitness. And I was training for an iron man. So how was busy? I didn't have time for it. Like I got off on the highs. I want to do a 20 mile run and I want to do some kind of crazy workout with my friends were like, you're just slowing down the being quiet, the not hustling. All of that was so counterintuitive to my drive, but that's exactly why I was missing so much of it. So I was competent because I was achieving. But there's a point where that, that achievement achievement has tarnished the tarnishes it's that quick hit it disappears quick, hit disappear.
(10:19): So that's, I spent a lot of time going, why am I going? Like, yeah, you get a high for him. Like, okay, what's next? And then what's next and what's next. What's next. Now I work. I work with a lot of CEOs, Olympic athletes, different, very high level achievers. And the deepest work that we do is this, Hey, your 10 minutes of journaling every day is the most important thing you do. And the talking back to your thoughts, that is the core of your confidence. And that's what will help you be fierce and truly unstoppable because we lose our consistency. When we get a little defeated, we're like down on ourselves, somehow we think we're behind. And then we start believing that narrative. And then we're like, Hmm, we throw ourselves pity parties. What's the point?
(11:01): You know, like, wow. And I always say, never give yourself more than five minutes of a pity party. Boom. Okay. It's okay. You're going to feel that. But then we got to,
(11:10): That's really important to feel that you've got to feel that disappointment. We don't want to beat your responsible it's feelings. Do you have to be felt there's a beginning, a middle and end and we need to get through the tunnel. Otherwise we get stuck in the middle and when we don't deal with feelings and emotions, they compound. And that's why, I mean millions of women and men, but more women struggle with compulsive, like shopping at night or binge eating or over drinking that extra one. It's like, I don't know where these feelings came from. Well it's cause we stopped them down. We've been knowing them all day. So yes, if you, when you feel that disappointment, absolutely pity party, but put a timer on it. I like to tell people to imagine you got balloons above your head and then you pop after your timer's up, then you literally take your pen and you go pop, pop, pop, so that you can signify to yourself. We're done. And then it's time
(11:54): To, it's time to move on to move on. Let's talk a little bit about, I mean, you said the imposter syndrome. Yeah. It's really, really prevalent. I think even more now, the more digitized we become, the more showmanship there is to our lives. The more superficial pressure, even though deep down, we can know in our heart of hearts, what's important. What's not. And you're like, why am I stuck in middle school? Like comparing
(12:21): Well, and we're looking side to side. And again, we lose sight of our identity. You know, we put these expectations, the roles that we have on our life and put it above everything else. And I love how you said that we look like we have it together, but you know, we're barely hanging on by a string. And we're just like on this treadmill to nowhere. And there are so many women that are feeling that way and we put on this front, we put on this mask, but it goes back to again, what is it that we're thinking that's driving everything.
(13:00): Well, I think two of the most important ways to get out of imposter syndrome art. Well, I think this is a, these are core questions to ask yourself. And on the surface they sound so simple, almost laughable, but they, if you spend a week on them, like truly journaling around them, even fasting around them, who am I? And what do I want? Who am I truly understanding your self-concept rule? I like to coach people on who is, who are you right now? Like, who's your current self concept and who is it that you are becoming? If we don't know where we're going, then we're going to flounder where we are. But one of the ways to step out of imposter syndrome is to identify who is it that you are right now? And who is it that you want to emulate? Who are you becoming?
(13:39): Where are the areas of growth? And being honest with being human, being honest with our need for truly need for growth. And, and to look at that and go, I'm excited too. I released the pressure to be perfect right now. I'm excited about how God's preparing me for my next stage. I love the work I love looking at may not be where I, where I want to be, but I'm not where I used to be. And that's a miracle. And so I'm going to be patient in the process. I'm going to be grateful for all the character development that's going on in my life as I'm patiently waiting and learning to put those horse blinders on, to not let my peripheral vision right. To live my, to live my own life. And so worrying about everyone else's but then also to talk back to imposter syndrome, I think if we know that imposter syndrome is, I don't want to call it normal because I don't want to normalize it, but it is normal.
(14:27): I think so many people think, well, I'm the only one that is feeling this. And therefore, like there's a steep pressure of I'm going to be found to be a fraud. Then what? And then there's almost this like tribal like being like, what's that word? Ex-Communicated like, you're, you're like taken away from me. Like you're we lose our sense of belonging. If you think about the word confidence, the opposite of confidence is really insecurity. And if I look at that word and break the word down, it's insecure, meaning not secure. So if we look at what is true competence, it's the knowledge of being secure, which is why imposter syndrome causes so much insecurity. Because if we are truly an imposter and were found to be fraud, then we will be cut out from the circle of people we want to be in. So there's a fear that we won't belong. And so I love helping people break down confidence when there's insecurity to say, well, let's redirect and focus on where you are secure. And that is that often comes from who am I? What do I want when I work with people on like that? Who am I question? Then it becomes really deep spiritually too. Do I really believe I'm a child of God? You're Keith and my identity is Blanchard.
(15:35): And if you even go to one of the most basic songs that the Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing. You can look at it. I shall not want, but if you look at other versions, it's I lack nothing. Another version says I have all I need and you go, Oh, if we can, that's the whole question of security right there. Right? I lack nothing because we, we fear. We lack. Well, w we lack if we're feeling we're imposters. Well, I'm lacking time. I'm not doing enough. I'm lacking gosh, know how to, how to do this, or I'm lacking the fitness level. Like, no, like it doesn't say the Lord is my shepherd. I lack nothing in 10 years or next week, or if I'm perfect. It literally says that there right now, and the peace that comes with it's beautiful. Right.
(16:18): I love how you asked that question, because that is a question that I have been asking my kids all week. I'm like, okay, this is definitely a God wink on this because of trying to control their behavior, trying to shut them down. I mean, their brothers, their sisters, they're gonna, you know, that's normal, but at the same time, it's like, well, who are you? Like, instead of saying stop it, you know? Like, who are you? I mean, is that who God says you are? Or, you know, and I make them think I'm telling you what the, like, just the piece in the room that actually, it just fills it up. And I'm like, okay, this is good. And then you just said it and it's like, okay, we're off.
(16:59): Well, right. And it's, I mean, if you go down to it ultimately, cause I think about when I, I of course got into the competence coaching cause I would, well, I was lacking confidence on the outs. I mean, high-achievers I was a high achiever. I'm Enneagram three wing four. I was training for the Olympics at one point in my swimming career. I mean, you name it, check, check, check, check. I can do do-do. The more I achieved, the more insecure I became because there more pressure who was, there was so much driving. There was so much pressure, but I've always been optimistic. I've always been joyful. So it was very secretive. Like no one, literally no one would be like, Oh, Trish she's insecure. No, no. I literally just pick somebody else. So the interesting thing is most of the people, well, everyone struggles with insecurity.
(17:41): I think it's something we have to battle in our mind is from a spiritual standpoint, I believe the enemy attacks our identity and that's done through our confidence. We shakes our identity, you shakes our competence, shakes our security. So it's natural to be attacked in this way. But when I started studying it and going, okay, like, why am I so anxious? Why am I so overwhelmed? And where's this peace that surpasses all understanding. Right? And I realized, well, Whoa, I have it. I'm just placing my security in what I do versus who I am, because that's what we're after. We're after peace. That's what competence is. Peace of my body, peace of my relationships piece and where God has me right now taking notes. It's like, so it's, so it feels like it's so complicated sometimes. And then you just, you kind of get with God and you're like, wait, how was this so clear? And so simple. It's been in front of me for years and I've overlooked it. So yeah. So I'm really passionate just about helping people reframe what rewire and kind of just help look at the thoughts and you would go, let's just, it's a big nod. Let's just take them out. Let's undo the strings and lay them out and take a look at what they are. Yeah.
(18:41): And help them shift that focus. And I love the fact that, you know, you create those new pathways of thinking. And again, simple, simple questions, simple questions give you deeper. But courage to ask those questions, those questions, aren't easy to ask.
(18:57): Well, and because I think they are so simple, those are the things that we can just like brush. Not really take it seriously, but if we can actually, and we can even ask our, you know, the people who are listening to this right now, as we wrap up, just throw on some worship music, get your journal out, ask yourself those two questions. Absolutely. Talk about massive breakthrough. Just right there. It's just going to start unpacking layer by layer.
(19:23): If you don't know, when you, if you struggle to answer that, either one of those questions, it's not all on you. You get to say, Hey Lord, I am little and you are big. This feels like a big, big gap for me to figure out, will you bridge the gap? Show me who I am. Help me see, put something in my life that can speak that truth to me or give me the courage. I, one of the things I do with my students, I, I asked them to go ask people, ask their five closest people. Hey, I can always say, Hey. And by the way, listeners, you can blame it on me. This is the scroll Trisha's making me do this weird assignment. Can you I'm really working to deepen my competence in my identity. Will you tell me three to five things about me that you've always been drawn to or that you find remarkable?
(20:03): Because I think the line that we're believing is I'm just kind of a nobody. I mean, we're kind of average. I'm forgettable, you know, I'm just like everybody else. I perfect. My mission ideal. I'm downplaying. I'm downplaying. I'm downplaying. I'm not like we don't God's masterpiece. And I just think it's really interesting to see yourself through other people's eyes, but it takes, that's a hard question to ask, which is why it's so great to say, Hey, so this girl Trish is making me ask you, but can you, can you say this or even first three things that come to mind? Do you mind telling me, sorry, it's a weird, you know, cause it's going to be uncomfortable to ask, but Oh my gosh, those, those answers you're going to get them.
(20:38): Yeah, absolutely. To just get a different perspective through a different lens and then start journal away on that as well. Absolutely. I love it. I know you have a busy schedule. You have a meeting here in about three minutes. Definitely want to respect your time on that. We have to have you back. Like I said, I love your prior connection with everybody. When it comes to this, where can they find you guys? So you can find me. The competence podcast is anywhere you listen to podcasts. We are everywhere. We have been ranked consistently top 100 for self-improvement iTunes. So we are, I am, we are strong. We would love you to come hang out with us there. Trish blackwell.com is my website. I'm also, I also view as how like Alexa flash briefings. I do a daily flash briefing on Alexa. You just go to the Amazon store, look up. My name is called shot confidence and say hi to me on Instagram. I'm Trisha underscore Blackwell on Instagram and on Facebook.
(21:30): I am Trish Blackwell coaching. So I'd love to say hi, this is perfect. Thank you so much. Jill ladies, you are being called arise. I want to invite you to just free sisterhood, a 12 month mindset and accountability experience rooted in biblical truth for Christian women like you who are ready to rise up head to be fit and fierce.com forward slash just breed. Or you can check us out on the just brief Facebook group heads up on the next episode. I have to be honest. It's going to be whatever pops into my heart. I tend to plan things and it always changes anyway. So we're just going to roll with it here next week. Thanks so much for joining us today. Please subscribe, share this episode, link on your social media. If you felt encouraged or inspired, as we all know someone that can benefit. And I would love it. If you would give some feedback and review as well till next time, be fit, be fierce, be unstoppable.
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