Hi there. I'm Jill Allen and this is find your fierce, the show designed for women to discover your fierce, unlock and unstoppable mindset. Build unbreakable courage and completely transform how you show up every single day. Each week I will bring ideas, methods and strategies that will inspire you to step into your greatness and live life on purpose. Let's be fit, fierce and unstoppable.
00:37: Hey there. Welcome to find your fierce. We are back and so glad that you were here with us. We have another special guest here today. Stacy Renee is, let me tell ya, an Amazon number one bestselling author of the positive shift ahead book she's been in business for over a decade, both as an entrepreneur award winning coach angel investor in she's appeared on the first reality TV show. She's [inaudible] she, her life is full. She's a wife, a mother she's former miss miss Mrs. Michigan. She's a certified coach practitioner, life coach wellness coach, and a motivational speaker. I absolutely love it. And she's also earned the best of Michigan business transformative leader. So I'm pretty excited that she is here with us today. I want to introduce to you my friend, Stacy Vernay. How are you, girl? Hello, Jill. I'm fantastic. Thanks for having me on your amazing podcast, which I do listen to great information, great speakers wealth of information that you give all of us out there.
01:35: So I really appreciate it. Oh, I'm just, yeah. Well thank you. And I'm glad you're here and a part of it because I know you have so much wisdom and a heart and you help so many people in the impact that you make of what you can share to lead people, to living a simple, simple yet. So powerful. And I know that you are so relatable and that you can break things down in a way that is so relatable to people. And that's what I'm looking forward to having this chat with you as in like, okay, fill us up, tell us what we need to do. So absolutely. You know, the drill, the big thing is, is when we look at life, we see what everybody else has. And we look at social media, we look on Instagram or whatever, whatever it may be. And we look at, wow, I want that, Oh my gosh, I can't believe they're doing all these great things. And then you compare that to your own life. And sometimes that can get you down. And a lot of times, I shouldn't say sometimes it will get you down. And if you just stop and take a look at your own life, you have a home, you have a vehicle, you have clothes that you're wearing. You know, whatever you have around you is your success. And we, we sit there and we compare it to so many other people, but you need to
03:00: Really appreciate what you have, who you are and your own successes. And I think that that's the credibility that we don't give ourselves enough. And let's just start there. That's that's the number one thing is stop comparing yourself to other people, because I will tell you, there are a lot of people that would love and appreciate and do anything to be where you are. And I think that let's think about that. That's a beautiful place to be.
03:26: Yeah, the comparison. I mean, that is well, the thief of joy. I mean, it's just, we're always going to be second best. I a friend of ours, you know, Bob Donnelly, he always says, you know, there's only one, you, you're always going to be second best. If, if you're trying to be someone else and not to mention, we're probably comparing ourselves to someone else's highlight reel. You know, they're putting the best of the best out there and they're not, we're not realizing, wait a minute, where's the ups and downs. There's probably some obstacles. How did they get there where you currently are? It there's blessing and everything.
04:05: Absolutely. And let me give you a perfect example. So here I am, of course I'm getting as myself because that's how we best demonstrate the reality of what people see is I'm, you know, working on my positive shift company, my Stacy Rene motivational speaking, my accountability journal that should be coming out. And I also just started an empowering Michigan women magazine and board members and, you know, just dealing with so many things at one time. And, and COVID on top of that. And I don't mean to bring that in, but, but it is, it's the reality of what everything in my circle was. I was putting out positive posts. I was doing great videos and just trying to make it look like I had it together. But what people didn't see behind is I got a phone call on a Saturday night that my mom fell down some stairs.
05:00: I didn't know, should I go, should I not go? My sister reached out and she's like, and sent me pictures. And I looked and I said, I have to go. It was more devastating than I could have even imagined, went to the hospital. And the end of the day, she passed within less than 24 hours. It was a cruel and emotional and upset time for me. And then, you know, dealing with all of that and then having the holidays without my mom. And not only that, but, you know, whoever you lose it, it's devastating. And I went to her for advice. And how many times do I want to pick up the phone? So that was really hard, but yet nobody on social media, outside of the post that my sister actually initially put, because I couldn't, I couldn't just get myself to post it.
05:48: And so I appreciated all the condolences and their friends and the support that I had, but yet I'm still trying to function because if I sat there and I, and I would burst into tears if I sat there and I, and I lived and didn't get out of bed, then that would make my life worse. That would make the situation worse. And that's not what I wanted. So I continued to move on when, on vacation is to share the new year of 2021 in Jamaica, man. So that was great. It was so much fun just having the time of my life for the first time was actually able to just let, go and leave my thoughts and my feelings and my hardships away and new year's day. I got a call in Jamaica that my father-in-law needed to potentially go to the hospital because he did have COVID.
06:35: And so here I am trying to understand and deal with that. And then we're back at square one. And so in the midst of all of it, again, I'm posting and putting things out there and I didn't post out there that he had it because people are going to feel sorry for me. And I wanted, that's not what I wanted. They're going to feel bad for him. And I wanted to keep the mojo of motivation going. I needed positive thoughts, positive things. So I did reach out to a couple of people and ask for their prayers and thoughts and, and that's what was getting me through. But again, I didn't put everything out there. So nobody knew truly what I was going through, that I was going on my hands and knees and just losing it, that I was being in the shower. And just all of a sudden burst into tears that I'd be driving down the road and look at something and just lose it.
07:24: Or I went on a run and I was with my running buddy and I'm like, I have to stop. And I just lost it. I just started crying. And I said, I don't know why or where this is coming from. And she's like, just, and you know, the other thing is, is we have to let go. You have to let it go. You have to feel, feel it, acknowledge it, and then move on. And I think with my mindset, thank goodness, I've been able to do that. And it also brought a lot to re reality in light that life is short. Joe, the people listening to this, if you think that it's not, it is shorter than you think, because you don't know when your contract is ended and you don't know when it is time for you to leave everybody behind. And so at the end of the day, what is the value of your life?
08:05: What is the value of what you put into? And if you're sitting there doing so much, so many things for everybody else, that's great for everybody else. But what does that do for you, for the people around you, for your own family and your children. And that was a big reality that I had. I've had lately, and I have stepped back and realized so many things. And I will tell you set goals for yourself. They have to be an arm's length, because again, we're looking at the big world, we're looking at everybody else. And when you sit there and do that, you're not going to accomplish those goals because they are too big, too broad. And you have to just start somewhere. Oh, I love that. I love that. You said arms length. Yeah. And that's the big thing of when I do my seminars and webinars and teaching is everything in life has to be an arms length.
08:56: You know why? Because you can change it, it's achievable and you can make it, or you can break it with your thoughts because the more you think it, the more you believe it, the more you get it. And let me tell you, if you concentrate on your things that you don't want, guess what? You're going to get more of what you don't want. So if you're having a really crappy bad day, let me tell you what you're going to get more of bad things. You're going to get that tire that you've never had popped. You are going to get into that car accident because you are not in the right mindset. You're going to get more devastation and more things, but you can control it with a snap of your fingers and I kid you not. And it is actually fun to just try, just to say, you know what, forget this.
09:42: I am not going to be there. Cancel clear, delete your negative thoughts out, stand up, look outside and be like, you know what? This is my day. Forget the negativity put like a bubble around you, surround yourself, stop and visualize a bubble, a mirrors going around you. This is the thing that I do is I put mirrors going around me facing out and any negative thoughts that are being cascaded to me, negative feelings that are being put to me by maybe my positive post, negative thoughts, feelings, emotions, anything like that. And that way it reflects off the mirrors that I have visually put around me and it reflects back out onto them. So it doesn't interfere into my world to my space and I can, can continue to be successful because darn it. I am in control of my life, my destination, and everyone else can just be happy on their way. And if they're they're negative and they're putting all those things, it's probably because they're pretty jealous of what your life is. And, and we have to remember that. So think about that. It's I know I just threw a lot out there, but it's reality and the truth of it.
10:52: Yeah. I wrote down, I mean, I know we I love this and you and I just rolled right off your tongue, the cancel clear, delete the cancel clear delete. And I know our words are so super powerful that what we speak and you know, both on the positive and the negative side of things, and they're so super powerful, but I want to kind of dive into that. I, I just asked, there has to be some massive meeting to the cancel is It is. So when you have constant thoughts or you have something on your mind, that's just, you know, somebody did something to you and it really, the reality there really you off. Right? I mean, let's just be honest and raw, or it made you mad or made you cry image a very emotional and was very hurtful. Well, I have to be honest with you, that's your fault for allowing it to get to you. So, yeah, and that, that is the hardship of those words is you are in control. If you are going to allow somebody to affect your feelings, that's on you, because those are those feelings. They're their feelings that they're broadcasting on you to try it and pull you down to try and make you feel worthless and shame on you for letting it happen. So the next time that does, and I mean that in a loving way, I, I truly do.
12:12: I really do because I had that side to me and I've never forgotten that. And that has, that has really helped me through my days. So cancel you cancel out the negative thought. You clear that negative thought out and you delete it out of your thought process. And that's why you say, and you, I don't care if you say it a hundred times, 200 times a day. I get messages saying, I think I literally have said it 200 times. I'm like, congratulations. That is exactly what you need to do. So you cancel clear, delete, cancel clear, delete, cancel, clear, delete. And what you're doing is you're stopping the thoughts from going in your head, because you're, you're saying the words cancel clear, delete. If you need to take it further, you can put an affirmation in there, a positive one. I am awesome, successful and smart.
13:02: I succeed at what I put my mind to. And you say that three times, cause what are you doing? You're cancel clear to leading it out. You're saying I am awesome, successful and smart. I succeed at what I put my mind to. And if you can't remember how to say that, remember, right? Awesome. Successful in smart. Wow. And those are easy ways for you to remember these things. And then, you know, you're saying those things three times and that way you're like, what was I even upset about? And if you, and if it comes back in your mind, do it right. Again, even if it's five seconds later and it literally will start to retrain your mind because we run off of neuroplasticity and we are creatures of our habits. And to be able to change that formality in your own mind, you can do it, but it will take some practice. And that's the beautiful part of being yourself, being you. And if somebody doesn't like it, then you know what, that's not your problem.
13:59: I love the fact that, I mean, we, we have the ability to create new ways to create new ways of thinking. And it's really quite a wonderful phenomenon that you can do that you're in control of that. Just like if you constantly have negative thoughts in your mind, guess what? That's, that's the habit that you created. And it is hard just like people who smoke or people who are addicted to caffeine or Coca Cola, you know, those are all habits that you have created for yourself.
14:35: I always say we don't, we can't control too much in this world besides attitude and effort and attitude definitely falls in the thinking process of that. So creating those new thoughts will radically radically shift your, and then that's probably why your book is called positive shift. Let's talk a little bit about that. I mean, has that always been a dream or where were you when you began writing or what was in your heart that you wanted to share with people?
15:07: Well, how it actually started was I, I have about four books on my computer. It's been there. It's been sitting there because when you don't know how to do something, the process, you just let it sit there and it can become stagnant. We all, all are guilty of that. Right? We put it off or we talk ourselves out of it or physically, but I was driving one day and I had this thought in my head and I write for a magazine as well. And so I took all of my articles because those were articles that had passion had motivation, had some, some sort of significant information that for each month, because I put a lot of heart and soul into everything that I write. So I took each one of those. I put a story, a personal story to it and put it all into a book. And it happened just like that. And that's what, when I knew that that was the right book, it aligned, it aligned, it came together so fast that it was scary. And then I ended up being a keynote speaker for a women's wellness event on Mackinaw Island. And that also gave me the goal and motivation to say, I need my book by then.
16:22: I will have my book by then. And the funny part is, is when I actually uploaded it to Amazon and I went to get an author's copy, I guess what it went live by accident. And it still needed to go through one more edit. And I thought, Oh boy, we are. And so, but had that not happened, I would not have had my books in time. So everything was truly in alignment. Everything was, was in its path. You know, what, if there's errors in there, congratulations that you found them because that just shows. I'm just like everybody else. There is no perfection here and I'm really glad that you caught it. And I hope that it gave you a great giggle.
17:06: Yeah. Well, and I think that's what people want is they, I mean, we want real, genuine, authentic people who speak from the heart again. That's what makes everyone relatable. And so perfect. Let's talk a little bit about perfectionism because you know, that's something that I know, even my, a lot of my clients and the people that I help wrestle with is the perfectionism and putting ourselves out there. It's almost, it's like a mask it's a front.
17:33: Right. And what does perfection, like who, who are you to say? What perfection is, perfection is in your own mind, in your own thoughts and in your own eyes. And I look at someone who has no makeup on and maybe just went out and worked out. And I think they look beautiful and they look at themselves. They're like, Oh my gosh, I don't have my makeup on. I look like a mass. Is this sounding familiar, Joe?
17:59: Like that you just had this conversation. I was just going to say like, look guys, my hair's in a pony and a headband just got done working out. And we're like making this work here today. Right. And my first thoughts were, I'm like, wow, you look really great. And you're like, Oh no, but in my eyes, I think you look beautiful. And to yourself, we're always so hard. We always have to criticize because we're looking at other people. We are comparing ourselves. Once again, it just wraps us back as to what we started.
18:27: Right. And if you gain weight and you, you are a little extra, you know, have extra LPs that you don't want on yourself. Well, you know what, that's okay. Get in control of it and start eating. You are in control of what goes in your mouth. Yes. We'd love to eat yucky stuff and, and stuff. That's just full of like pizza and which I do love pizza, but there is a new California pizza or cauliflower pizza that you can go to town on and it was delicious. And it's all in your mindset, right? So when you talk about confidence and in looking at yourself, I'm telling you friends, if I asked you three things that you want in life, I will guarantee you, there may be one to three people, depending on how large the group is. That will say, I want to be happy.
19:16: And true. Happiness comes from within and in is yourself. I right now am a little heavier than what I want to be, but you know what? I'm okay. I am okay with that because I look back, I'm like, Oh, I look good. I said, but you know what? I look good right now. There's more, more hug and more love. And for whoever I hug, you know, and, and I'm actually okay with, I am going back to the gym because I want to be healthier. I want to show my kids. That being healthy is the right thing to do because not only is healthy. It's for your mind, it's for your thoughts. And it's your overall self-image of yourself.
19:48: And it goes back to being happy. And exactly. So when you set your, you know, those of you who are listening, take a piece of paper. If you don't mind me just having that, your viewers do this. And if you're driving, just think about this, you don't try and come back to this podcast and listen to it again. And just like my book, my book is an ease, an intentional easy read, because I understand that we don't have time to sit down and read a whole book. We're more apt to listen. And we're more like the podcast, which is amazing. And, but this book is an intentional goal back. What was it? Tip that she gave me again, just like this podcast, go back and listen to it. So take a piece of paper and on the, you know, just take a half a piece and write three goals. And I don't want them to be a year ago.
20:36: I don't want it. They cannot be any more than six months, six months goals, six months write three goals. Mine is I would like to get my accountability journal. I would like to become more organized in my daily routine. And I would like to spend more time with my friends and family. So once you have those sales simple, those are, those are achievable goals. And did look right there. Did I put happiness in there, but I'm hoping, you know, and maybe the next six months, or once I achieve one of those, I will put happiness in there. How am I going to achieve those happiness? So when you get your three goals, if you have those written down, then what you need to do is figure out why do you want those? Because you have to understand why you want to achieve your goals. You can't just say, Oh, because it'll make me a millionaire. I'm going to get a million dollar check who wouldn't like that. Right. And so, and when you write it down, it is, you can have all the thoughts in your head, just like when you get angry or upset, but it's hard to sometimes vocalize it. So write down your three goals. Why do you want them? Why do I want to be more organized? Because I over why is because I overbook myself and it becomes very stressful.
21:52: Why do I want spend more time with my family and friends? Because sometimes I feel disconnected from the most important people in my life. And that's not a good feeling and all for what, for other people, right. And my accountability journal, why do I want to get that done and completed? So I can help viewers, you know, our listeners like you or anyone else to help become more accountable within yourself and make it easy. Again, we all need easy access to what we want to accomplish. So those are my, my whys. Now the big question. So you want to write those on the right side of your paper? How am I going to get that right? So how am I going to get my accountability journal done? I am going to make time one to two hours a week. You know what? I actually did this, I set two hours a week, Monday and Thursday from four until five men as my time to work on it, do not interrupt me.
22:54: I am not available scanned it's in the editing process right now because I did that. How am I going to set? You know, like more time for my family and friends. I put on my calendar and if I pull my calendar up right now, I will tell you that on Mondays, actually I put on Tuesday, Tuesday, I have date night with my daughter, Wednesday. I have date night with my son. And on Thursday is our family night that we're just going to after dinner, we're just going to play games. And then at least once a month, I have at least the third ones or the third, Friday of every month. That is my girl's night out with my friends. And if I don't make myself accountable and put that on there, I'm not going to make it happen. So that's my, how am I going to get there?
23:40: And it's working. And then for the last one with, you know, and these are all goals that people can, can write down and maybe even mimic. And if they're going through this, the struggle is how am I going to become more organized with my daily routines? Because I overbook, I'm going to learn the word. No, Oh, we say yes to everything. And I'm going to say no. And here's the caveat to that without an explanation, because we feel that we need and we need to validate our word. No, absolutely not. We need to just say thanks, but no thanks. Right. And if you ever received that text, say that is the coolest thing ever you did. I appreciate their perspective. So freeing for people. Yes, it is very freeing and, and you can breathe and know is okay. No, it was a beautiful thing. And if they say, well, why can't you say thank you for understanding that I won't be able to do that.
24:37: And I hope that whatever, you know, whatever it is that you would appreciate my answer, don't give an explanation and it's going to be super hard, but you can do it. And so those three simple goals are, you know, things are really easy. Now here's the thing. Turn your paper over because this is where the cancel clear delete comes in. If you, we don't get things now, now, now, now. Right? And in life, we want things right now. And if we don't see those, we get frustrated. These goals don't work. What are you doing when you're putting that negativity in there too? When you start to say, Oh my gosh, I said, yes. Again, cancel clear, delete, cancel clear, delete, cancel clear. Delete you say that three times. So write CCD on there, cancel clear, delete times three, three times. Say that next to that, put your affirmation every day.
25:28: And every way I am better, better and better every day. And every way I'm better, better and better. Every day. I'm better every day. And every way I'm better, better and better. And if you're really feeling sassy, you can say, I believe I receive. I believe I receive. And that's what I do because you're getting yourself out of that funk. And you know what, when you say your affirmations are your mantras and you throw in that, I believe I receive and you do it in your car, and you're going to laugh at yourself. And guess what? You have just altered and changed your neuroplasticity into forming a new habit with practice and time. See how that's that done. And you feel good, throw some great music on,
26:09: And it's not a one day thing. I think I w we want to, I want to stress that again. It's not just a one and done, no, this is, this could happen multiple times a day. Absolutely. And that's why it is really important for you to put a mantra by your pedometer. And then every time you see a stoplight, if you're at the stoplight, look at your mantra and say it, even just put something out there, you know, your words are powerful. Words are the most powerful thing ever. And if you don't think that you get, you are looking at your life right now, what are you thinking? What are you feeling? What are you seeing? What is, what are you surrounded by? That's what you're putting out there. Whether you like it or not, the fruit the fruit is quite evident.
26:55: And then the last thing that if you are really having a hard time and you can not get out of that funk, you have that feeling in your stomach. And I know that feeling that pit in your stomach, think of a happy place. If you close your eyes and you think, okay, mine was, I went to Hawaii and I would put myself I'm in Hawaii. The sand was white. I had red toenail Polish on, and I just looked down at my feet and I see the white sand against my feet with a red toenail, Polish popping out. I hear the birds making their noise. I hear the ocean just with the waves. And it's just the most beautiful thing the sun is beating down on my face. You actually want to feel and think what you're going through for your happy place. You can smell the salt in the air from the ocean.
27:48: There's see whatever you want to do. And then I opened up my eyes and I saw this pink catamaran. So I'm visualizing a pink catamaran. And it was just the most beautiful sight. And that's when you take yourself to your happy place. I had a woman telling me that her happy place was sitting in her bed with a glass of wine and a sun in the evening coming down through her window and just relaxing. And I, and, and, and she's like, and then I had a diffuser going on and it was I think she said it was lavender and peppermint. And she's like, cause you have to incorporate the smells too. So you just, everything around you. And when you take all those three components, cancel clear to lead your affirmation or mantra and your happy place, you will start to retrain your mind into believing and getting what you've received.
28:38: Yeah. I was just going to say for you to be able to reach the goals. I love it. I love it. Cancel clear, delete three goals within six months. Why I'm a big why person? I love it. It's that's what fuels you the steps that are going to take you there? Yep. That's the how, yep. And then the cancel clear delete. When anything negative steps in there. I do want to like recap on these two things, because to me, they were just so powerful when you asked this question, what is the value of your life? And the fact that life is short. And I just kinda want to end, you know, with that, because I know that I, I wrote that down instantly because it hits home. You know, what is the value of your life? You know, how can we fill those days in the fact that life is short and precious and have your goals aligned? I think your goals aligned with who you truly are. Yeah. Where can they find you? Where can they grab a hold of your book? And I know you said Amazon, but where can they reach out to you?
29:39: They can reach out me on my website, which is www dot Stacy, S T a C I E R E N E. So Stacy renee.com. The same thing with my book. If they go to Amazon, you can type in positive shift ahead or type in my name, Stacy Renee, of course, with an I E for Stacy. And then there's only one Ian Renee, and, you know, do yourself a favor because you have nothing to lose and everything to gain by getting my book. And I'm not out here to try and sell it. I'm out here to try and advance you in your own personal happiness. I love it. And give you more value to your life because you are something you are amazing. I have so much market saying, like, I know I love your fire. I love your heart. And, you know, thank you so much for sharing with every, with everyone here today.
30:35: So we'll definitely have to have you back. Ladies, you are being called to rise. I want to invite you to the just free sisterhood. It's a 12 month mindset and accountability experience rooted in biblical truth for women like you, who are ready to rise up head to be fit and fierce.com forward slash just breathe. Or you can check it out in the just brief Facebook group heads up on the next episode, we have another special guest that will add fire to your day. Actually, she's going to share how you can win the day. So be sure to come back. Thanks so much for joining us today. Please subscribe, share this episode, link on your social media. If you felt encouraged or inspired, as we all know, someone that can benefit. And I would love it. If you would give some feedback and review as well, talk to you next time, be fit, be fierce, be unstoppable. See ya.
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