Have a podcast in 30 days

Without headaches or hassles

In this episode, you’ll learn… 

  • Why trying to please your parents is a dangerous road that puts your anxiety on steroids (1:21)
  • The rarely talked about “Striving Addiction” that steals all your joy and sanity (3:19)
  • Why your greatest, most impressive accomplishments won’t mean squat on your deathbed (and what to focus on instead so you’re at peace) (3:55)
  • The subtle mindset shift that puts being still on “easy mode” — especially when you’re overwhelmed with work (6:00)
  • Why perfectionism is like a poison that will slowly destroy your career, your relationships, and your happiness (7:31)

If you have zero energy to focus on yourself and need extra support and accountability from women who know what it’s like to juggle a crazy busy life, then go to https://befitandfierce.com and become unstoppable with us.

Or, if you want to join a sisterhood dedicated to growing our faith, join our Just Breathe Facebook Group.

Read Full Transcript

Hi there. I'm Jill Allen and this is find your fierce, the show designed for women to discover your fierce, unlock and unstoppable mindset. Build unbreakable courage and completely transform how you show up every single day. Each week I will bring ideas, methods and strategies that will inspire you to step into your greatness and live life on purpose. Let's be fit, fierce and unstoppable.

(00:35): Hey there. Welcome to find your fierce, so glad that you are here. And I am super excited about today's show. Actually, we are going to be kicking off a three part series and I have a feeling you're going to love it as much as I do as this was something that I had to come to grips with myself. I have a feeling that a lot of you are going to be able to relate to this and to be able to identify with that. I have found that oftentimes we don't even realize that we are seeking approval from everyone, but the one who ultimately matters and what it is that we are striving for. And I made this post in our just brief sisterhood and check that group out. If you have not done so yet on Facebook, it's called just breathe. But I made this post that, of course we want, and it's natural that we want our parents to be proud or for our spouse and our kids to push each other, put to push us to become better.

(01:32): But when the worldly values and the expectations take over and dominate our decisions, our beliefs, our actions, well, I'm going to be honest, that is kind of a scary line to cross because it's going to take us down a path of people, pleasing, striving for perfection, unnecessary stress and anxiety. And when we begin to lose ourselves, think about in what other people's acceptance or love or lack of. And it gets us striving for things that don't really matter in the grand scheme of things. And I'm here to share with you what it is we should really be striving for because here's the thing you are already loved. You are already accepted. You are already approved. You are already chosen by the one who matters most. And by grasping that concept, everything changes. It gives us a clean slate, right from the start each and every day.

(02:31): It's like a free pass grace from the start. But I want to back up here first, because I can tell you I was sucked into this trap and I didn't even know it. I didn't even realize it. I believed, or I thought that climbing that ladder of success that was ultimately defined by others was what I had to do, what was expected. And it was a choice I was making from a false belief that I talked myself into a belief that it was all my family. And I chalked it up to it. Being that it was just who I was, how I was defined. That was part of my identity, that I was just a highly driven individual, that I love challenges. And I do love all that. I thrive on working on myself. I, I love a you versus you challenge. I love becoming better today than I was yesterday.

(03:18): I love the never wasted a day that has been given to you mindset. But when the striving becomes an addiction or something that robs you of your peace, or when it steals your joy, your sanity, the sense of happiness, or it impacts the people you love the most is time for self check. We got to do a self check. So here is part, one of a three-part series that I have found that what it is that we should really be striving for. Okay. So number one, you can jot this down. If you guys have a journal, go for it. One, the good stuff I know in my final moments. Okay, Rob and I talk about all this stuff all the time. What it's going to be like when we're on our rocking chairs, 80 years old, I want to be thinking, or I will be thinking back to all the precious moments, the family, the friends, the loved ones.

(04:12): We're going to be smiling over all the good stuff, the memories, and all the special times in between. I doubt very highly. If we're going to be thinking about all our biggest accomplishments on that success ladder, all the advancements or the accolades, all the things that we are currently striving for right now, we probably are not going to be thinking about that or want to think about this. This realization gives an entirely new perspective on life. All the things to be grateful for. And one that needs immediate tension. We always say life is short, but it really is guys. And when we realize that our priorities are suddenly going to be jolted into place, and I don't know about you, but this makes me think that some of what I fill my days with seem really, really trivial and super unimportant. So if we now live with this perspective, how will you become unapologetic with filling your days up with the good stuff?

(05:08): I love it. Number two, we got to strive to be still. And I get this as I am a go getter by nature. So I get that this can be a challenge for some of you, but I have given myself permission and I encourage you to do the same to just slow down, give yourself the, go ahead to just stop hit, pause, take some inventory of your life reflect journal. And if we're on this mission to fill our life up with the good stuff, and we have taken a look at our list of priorities, what is it that we can say no to, to get rid of, to simplify, to make room for that good stuff, to be still for just a moment. And a lot of times we have all these commitments that steal every single moment of our day, that the good stuff gets put on the back burner.

(05:55): And we're definitely not still, we're not called. We're not in a place of rest. And we have to clean out our days, clear our schedules learn to say no and choose to be still. Even when things feel like they need to get done. Even with all the half to what commitments are central to your family, which ones add value, which ones take away from what you say is the most important. When these extra commitments become secondary to the good stuff, the people, the memories, the moments become the most important, but we have to be still, we have to slow down and we have to strive for that. Number three strive for contentment strive for that state of happiness and satisfaction. You know, we've, we've been striving to keep up addicted to the busy, the hustle, the bustle, and there's more to life than that. Guys.

(06:49): Trust me. I totally get it. If you are an overachieving, perfectionist like myself, I like to call myself a recovering perfectionist, but because we want to feel alive to make a difference to chase those dreams. But when that overtakes us being able to be content, we miss out on savoring, the life that we have right in front of us right now, it goes back to where is it that we need to simplify so we can make space for what matters for us to be able to hear God more clearly, to give more, to spend our energy on people versus focusing on more and more things strive for contentment. Number four, the good strive for the good over perfect. Like I mentioned before, I'm a recovering perfectionist. I love having spotless counter sink pillows in the perfect position on the bed or the couch. But here I am learning to leave a Chrome or two on the counter.

(07:45): Not everything has to be perfectly planned or perfectly mapped out or have every hair in place with the makeup done or kids dressed to perfection. I mean, guys, life is messy, my friends, and it surely isn't perfect, but I can tell you the mess that we all have in our lives is so worth it. And we need to be able to create flexible routines so that all parts of our life work together. It's fluid versus competing for the time and focus. We need to strive for the good, not perfect five. This is what I'm going to leave with you here today. Strive to live with intention. We have a choice in all of this, and I know we talked about it on our prior episode. It is what it is, but it doesn't have to be. We can be intentional with our thoughts, our mindset, our responses, our actions.

(08:37): We have a choice to be intentional with our time. Yes, our calendars and schedules are full. It's maxed out. I get it, but we are going to be intentional with simplifying, being intentional with our yeses and our nos, being intentional with slowing down, being still or choosing the good over the perfect. I encourage you to reflect, to make sure that your calendar and how you choose to fill your days, reflects your intention, strides and live with intention. Ladies, this is just part one. There's so much more to this. And to recap here, we need to flip the script, make a shift in what it is that we are striving for, the good stuff, the people, the memories, the time spent on who and what matters the most. We need to be still give yourself permission to slow down that rest, that piece from within will be game-changing strive for contentment.

(09:26): And I'm not saying just settle, but to be happy through the process, to be happy on the journey. Perfection is overrated. Embrace the mess, embrace the true most authentic you. And to end part one, strive to live with intention. We have the choice being intentional, and I cannot wait to add more to this list of what we should be striving for next week. But before we go, if you want to break free from what it is, that's holding you back from walking in your true identity, connect with me on Facebook. And if you have zero energy to focus on yourself and need extra support and accountability from women who know what it's like to juggle crazy busy life, then head on over to D fit and fierce.com and become unstoppable with us. It's just 20 bucks a month. And if you want to join a sisterhood dedicated to growing your faith, join our Jaspreet Facebook group heads up. We are going to continue the series on striding and what it is that we should be striving for on the next episode. Thanks so much for joining me today. Please subscribe, share this episode, link on your social media. As we all know, someone that can benefit, and I would love it. If you would give some feedback and review as well, talk with you next time, beef it be fierce. Be unstoppable. See ya.

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