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In this episode, you’ll learn… 

  • How to decide if you should re-enter the workforce after taking over a decade off to raise your kids (11:27)
  • Feel like you lost yourself? Here’s why a mundane 9-5 can help you find your purpose (12:38)
  • Why mothers feel like every day is Groundhog’s Day and how to stop yourself from falling in the “laundry and dishes trap” (14:46)
  • How spending less time at home instantly makes you a better stay-at-home mom (16:47)
  • The “What If Method” that makes difficult, life-altering decisions a breeze (20:42)

If you have zero energy to focus on yourself and need extra support and accountability from women who know what it’s like to juggle a crazy busy life, then go to https://befitandfierce.com and become unstoppable with us.

Or, if you want to join a sisterhood dedicated to growing our faith, join our Just Breathe Facebook Group.

Read Full Transcript

Hi there. I'm Jill Allen and this is find your fierce, the show designed for women to discover your fierce, unlock and unstoppable mindset. Build unbreakable courage and completely transform how you show up every single day. Each week I will bring ideas, methods and strategies that will inspire you to step into your greatness and live life on purpose. Let's be fit, fierce and unstoppable.

(00:36): Hey there. Welcome to find your fear so glad you are here. It's always a good time and I'm super excited about today's show. And I met this friend of mine, Jay Shaw, probably almost 10 years ago. I know we bonded as we both had five kids at that time and we immediately connected and you gotta love friendships like that. I love her love for her family and her love for others and how she had made some big changes in her life that have turned out to be so, so good. And she is going to share with all of you about finding the courage to do something different here today. Introducing my friend, Lisa Lunsford, how are you? My friend? Welcome how you doing? Good. So glad to be here. I know I am. I'm glad that you're here to tell everybody a little bit about yourself.

(01:21): Cause you know, I admire seriously your love and connection that you have with so many people. You never, you don't even know. You don't know a stranger. That's true. I know. So I am a mom, a wife, a mom. I should probably add a wife which comes along with all the duties that moms do, the taxi driver, the cook and the cleaner. And I'm also an RN. And I just recently went back to work and labor and delivery, which has always been, my passion is in women's health. Yeah. I mean, you were a stay at home mom or work from home mom for how many years. That's how we were able to connect that. We were both working from home. Love that flexibility. And how long were you at home? I was home for 12 years. So I worked at the local hospital for about 11 years and I was home for 12.

(02:13): Yeah. Can you change there? Yeah. Well, I want you to kind of we'll, we'll go into that a little bit too. Okay. Let's, let's start from the beginning. And I think, because I know we talked about on a prior episode here about change, how change is so good, how a lot of times that we're forced to change and I know 2020, it's been, it's been a year of massive change, but sometimes we choose to change. Sometimes we choose to do something completely different and make a pivot all on her own. And I, I watched you and your family do exactly that over these last few years. So what was a big change that you made that impacted, you know, not just your family, but you know, everyone around you?

(03:00): Yeah. So two years ago we decided to make the first change that we've really made in our lives, which was moving to a new town. So we lived in the same town, the same road. My husband grew up on in the same house for 20 years. Our kids are going to the same school that we both had graduated from and we knew that we just wanted something different. And so we had always talked about moving, you know, certain things that came up in the schools and with our kids. And one day it was one of those things that we just said, you know, either we quit complaining about the things we don't like, that's happening around us in our kids, or we pick up and move. And I think that was the first time that my husband really took a stand and was like, what have we got to lose? You know, we move and it doesn't work out. We'll come back, you know, but what, we will never know what would have happened if we wouldn't have, and that move has changed everything for our kids. Our seven kids, all their personalities, you know, did a huge turnaround, just the positive environment that they were in. I mean, everyone has been so happy that we made that initial change. And so it turned out to be a really good thing. So that was the first big thing.

(04:12): Yeah. And if, wait, if I remember Kim had been working as well, how does own business? You guys, you had your hands in everything. Right. You know, helping people, obviously you were people that were very, very involved in your community. So to let all of that,

(04:29): Right. Yeah. That's accurate. Right. So at the time I was home with our kids running a daycare and yes, Tim had his own business and the business that he had was really embedded in that community. So we lived in a very touristy area. And so he works on all the cabins and all of the places that, you know, thousands of people come and staying every weekend. So his business was right there and yes, we were the, the booster volunteers, the concession volunteers that pack the snack bags. We did everything that we could to be involved with our kids. So it was a lot, but again, I think it came down to, we have a lot to lose if we don't, but what if we do and it works out good, then we have a lot more to gain.

(05:15): I was just, yeah, I admired that. I remember that phone call that you had told me that we're going to move. And I'm like, what? Like, this is crazy, but I think you said something so powerful there, you know, if, if we're complaining about something or if we're like maybe just in survival mode or, you know, a lot of us are just kind of walking around aimlessly and day in, day out doing the exact same thing and there might be something missing, you know, on the other, other side.

(05:44): Right. So I think that's the biggest thing is if you're unhappy, you can always change it. Nothing's ever permanent where you live, isn't permanent, no matter how long you've been there, your job is not permanent change can be wicked thing. Yeah. It's just like

(05:58): Flipping that mindset around how exciting change can be and the doors that are opened because of it. So yeah. Change, you move kids, new school, new environment. You didn't know anyone really.

(06:10): Right? Not really just a couple of families that we knew, but wasn't like they live close to us or anything. So yeah, we started completely new and some of our kids understood, but some of them really didn't, but it's been a great thing. Yeah.

(06:24): Well, I think it shows your, our kids that it's worth taking a risk and whether they were all happy about it or not, they are watching you. They're a part of that. And they're watching, you know, seeing that we, you don't have to be stay stuck. Right.

(06:37): That was something really big. My husband told him too is, you know, let's give it a year. Let's go, let's give it our all for a year. And if we're unhappy, we can always go back. You know, it's not that this has to be the one all end all, but we can always go back. If, if we feel what we left was better than where we went to. Yeah.

(06:55): Well, that's something that maybe even kind of talk a little bit about here too. There's always that fine line. You know, the grass isn't always greener, right. You know, water, own grass, everything else is going to be fine, but there are some circumstances or some situations that there is more out there for people that we need to have a vision and see it clearly that we're not, we don't have to stay in between these lines or within that box. Right. I don't know. I think, I think I just hear people say the grass isn't always greener.

(07:30): True. Which is true. But look out for you. It worked out. Yeah.

(07:35): Yeah. So what's happened since, I mean, okay, so you make this massive move, you shift gears. Yeah.

(07:40): So we had another big change just a few months ago where our oldest, so we had seven kids at home and our oldest moved out and that was a change that I was really afraid of. Cause I am the mom that wants everyone to just stay right here with me. You know, you want to raise these independent kids, but you also, it's hard to hand them over. So our oldest moved out and started in her own little apartment, you know, just all on her own. And it also has been a great thing for her independence. And just to be able to watch her fly, basically, even though she's out of our house, you know, it's pretty cool. It's been a huge eye opener for me to be able to watch that happen and think, Oh my gosh, it's okay. You know, it's okay. And peg, we did pretty good look at her go now. So that was another big change that happened for all of us in the house.

(08:31): How did that change? The family dynamics? I know that our oldest also moved out here these last few months and here we were packing bags today, snack bags for everybody, for a flight that we're going to hop on and I'm telling the girls, okay, we gotta pack seven. Everybody gets, you know, a goodie bag, you know, and let's pack the M&Ms. And the snack bags make seven. And the girls were like seven wait. And like, yeah, seven, everybody gets their own bag. And then it dawned on me as I was in the middle of packing what I was packing. Oh my gosh, we don't have seven. We only have six now. And it, I started crying because you realize like, Oh my gosh, the whole entire family dynamics changed. And there's that little piece that's missing. I mean, how has your family been impacted by that and how

(09:18): It was pretty hard. It was hard for the first few days for the kids, just constantly asking where Paige was and when she was coming home type thing. But I think it's also given them something to strive for that, Oh my gosh, one day that'll be me one day, I'll be decorating my own apartment. And one day, you know, mom's going to drop me off and, and wish me good luck too. So as hard as it was, it's also been good. And as a mom of multiple kids, it was almost like a little exciting, like, okay, when's the next one? We might be empty nesters eventually. Yeah.

(09:57): Has it changed your relationship between you and your oldest? I mean, how has that, you know how that

(10:03): Definitely, if you have adult children that live in your house, it's really hard for that adult child to want to follow your house rules because they are an adult. And, you know, I would say we're pretty lenient, but my kids let's say that we're not, but it's, it's so cool to have that next chapter that she's calling for adult different advice. And I thought I would really struggle with not knowing where she was or what her schedule was or if she was okay, but it actually has been, I think it's just been so enlightening to see her take off on her own and that she can do it. And she is independent and that she is a thriving adult. I think that's been more rewarding, but it's definitely a different type of relationship once they are out on their own. So for us, it's been really good.

(10:52): I've always heard that the relationships with our adult children are just, it just, there's so much fun and they're different. And so starting to experience that, I think people need to, people need to hear that every, every stage is different. Yes. That's good. What else? I mean, okay. So oldest moved out new home, new adventures, new friends, right?

(11:17): So then mom decided after just a series of events that we had happened, that maybe it was time for me to go find myself again after being so mom and wife, and, you know, like I said, I always was involved with our kids as club basketball, regular basketball. I would volunteer for everything that I could. So along those 12 years, I think I really lost who Lisa was instead of Tim's wife and the mom of the piece. And so I decided that maybe actually my husband suggested that maybe it was time for me to, to the workplace, which I absolutely loved my job. I loved my patients when I came home. I just thought that in that season, it was time for me to be with my kids. And so I recently returned back to work after 12 years, which healthcare has changed a good mountain, 12 years.

(12:10): You know, the younger nurses laugh at me, as I say, we charted on paper, not in the computer. So that was a big change. But for me, it has been a saving grace to truly have my own friends, be my own person. You know, I'm still the mom of the P's and the wife of the T has what I always say. But to have those three days a week, that I was able to go out, meet new people, absolute, amazing, powerful women that I've been around and have my own new goals, new adventures, and the new drive again. So opening up the next chapter of returning to work, which I know a lot of people were kinda like, why would you want to do that? Why would you want to go punch a time clock and, and work when someone tells you to? But I think it's given me a little bit of independence back to go back to work and, you know, I've even gone back to school, which when I worked before I swore I would never, ever do so.

(13:03): Never say never. No. That's awesome. Yeah. So it has been, it's been a total game changer for all of us, for our kids to, momma's not here at your Beck and call anymore. And so you do have to be a little bit more responsible with where's your Jersey and making sure you have everything that morning. But so it's been really good for all of us. And of course my husband, he's amazing. So he stepped in and did the dinners and the practices on the days I'm not here, but I think that they all kind of see that was a change for mom too, that, okay, mom is happy moms go on for new goals. And so that makes it easier for them to step up and, and be more helpful and be so supportive, made a big, big difference for all of us.

(13:46): You can see in a whole completely different light. I think you said something that so, so many women can relate to is that you lost yourself. You didn't know who Lisa was anymore. I know we're talking about change. I mean, I think the most important, I mean, what I'm hearing and gathering from all of this is that you have changed, right? I mean, you made these changes, but in that process and, and you know, in those decisions and risks that you decided to take, you've changed the most throughout this, I've watched you

(14:20): You've changed the most

(14:22): Throughout this entire thing. And I think that's what women are looking for is to find themselves again, that there's, that you that's always been inside, but I think sometimes it gets buried and we kind of just, we're just kind of there, we're not showing up as our best and you know, living out our purpose. I mean, do you want to expand on that? Or is there anything that

(14:42): You want to share? I definitely think that, like you said, getting buried, you just get buried and the laundry and the dishes and the, to do list. I told a girl at work the other day, it kind of becomes Groundhog day. Every day you get up and that's dishes, laundry meals, kids, you know, whatever needs done for that day. And so I would always hear you talk about what's your purpose? What drives you? And it's like, well, I don't know. I just do the thing. You know, now I had learned to dominate, keeping up with everything and you know, everyone's at school house, clean laundry is done by 9:00 AM and you got your menu made, you know, so you've learned to rock that, that at home. But for me, that, that season has those kinds of over, I think of just being a full time mom.

(15:28): And of course the job of mom hood never changes, but it was just like, I didn't even know who I was anymore to the point that you're, you know, you're wearing the leggings and the sweats every day. And you're like, what does make me get up? What does make me click? And so being back, you know, involved in the hospital, I've seen that it's other people that make me click, you know, helping. And it's still that servant heart. I served my family for all those years and I still do, but now I get to be a part of other people's families. And for me, that's everything. So that's a huge, huge drive to see, okay, you know, what could I do this, this turn around besides going back to school and further and education that way, but what could I do? And I think the other pieces too, is you always want to make your family proud.

(16:12): You want your kids to be proud of you. And so, you know, the other kids come home and they're like, well, my mom does this. My dad does that. And sometimes you would feel really huge, like, Oh my mom's home all the time, every day, but when we get home, but then another piece of it is my mom's just home. Instead of, you know, you want your kids to say, wow, at 43 years old, my mom went back to work and got another degree and still had everything that we needed at home too. So I think that's a huge piece of it is you want your kids to be proud of you not to mention your parents.

(16:45): Oh yeah. I mean, that's definitely a driving force and you're probably showing up as even a better wife, a better mom, because you have your mojo back, you're starting to find and rediscover what you like, what you enjoy and that passion. And I think when you're living out that passion, because like I said, guys, she has, she connects with everybody. And so when you are living out your passion, you know, and that purpose, I mean, it totally, totally shows up in every single thing that you do.

(17:17): Right. You know, it's funny, the other day I took a Oh, like a personality type test and it tells you now, if you're the excited personality or the instructions to do personality, of course I was the excited personality. But one of the traits of the excited personality was driven by people around you. And I thought, well, that's a huge thing because when, when you're a stay at home, mom, the kids, or even running a daycare at home, there's little small children around you all day, you know, you don't really have that adult like he did for, so I think that's been a, a huge, shocking thing for me is that I am driven by other positive people.

(17:57): That's awesome. I want to take that personality test. You got to, you've already said that I love things like that.

(18:04): Remember I took it for you and I put all your information, then

(18:08): What was part of your schoolwork when that I do. I wanted to, I want to take it too. This is great. I mean, what can you share with people, you know, to talk about this change and what can you share with someone who's listening today that they might be in that rut? Yeah.

(18:26): So the big eyeopener for me is being intentional. Everyone you'll always hear everyone say, well, God will open the doors. And I know when I applied for this last job, I just kept, I want to say I applied like six times over the last year. Like, Oh, well, if it's meant to be, it'll be, you know, and finally that last time after I had gotten interviews with HR and just never got that second interview with the floor. And so I just had that nudge for like two days of color, just call her and ask her. And I thought, no, you know, that's awfully bold. And if it's meant to be, if God wants me back in the hospital, then it'll just happen. So of course she never called. So I did pick up the phone and I called that manager and I said, Hey, you know, I have applied.

(19:08): And I know I haven't worked for 12 years, but this is something that I'm really thinking I want to get back involved with. And her response was, you know, well, what have you been doing for 12 years? So my son taking care of her family and she immediately had me come in within that next hour. And when I went in there, she said, you know what, you're one of us you're in, like, I know you haven't worked 12 years, but just the passion and your voice and the excitement in your voice. I was like, I have to meet this lady. So I think lots of times God does open the door, but we choose not to walk through them. So even with those little nudges in my head, I knew that, okay, I got to take a step to that. You know, he puts things in our lives, but we gotta take a step forward.

(19:49): Oh, that's so good. So good. Yeah. Intentional and walk through, walk through the door. Yeah. There's probably all around us.

(19:57): Right. But we're second guessing that God will shove us through the door if we make, if that's the way we're supposed to go, so we shouldn't have to do anything. The other thing is, I think it was really hard for me to want to start a new chapter. You know, I love my kids. I love being home. So it's just starting a whole new chapter with scary in itself. But also I've seen how exciting it can be by just having a new goals and a new drive and just starting that next chapter. And the other thing is that has came down to all three of the major changes we have in our life as what do we have to lose? If it's not the right way, then we can always go back. But we do want to live with that. What if I would've went forward? Because you can always go back to the old ways. No doubt.

(20:41): Yeah. Oh, you don't want to be having any regrets and that looking back and what if you know, was intentional? What if I stepped through that door? What if I took action on that little nudge and, and how, you know, the Lord was kind of downloading some things in, into our heart. Right. You know, what if I didn't live out my purpose? Oh yeah. That's hard. But over all they're saying just for the last two years, the people that have came into our lives over the last two years have been amazing. And I mean that your friends that we had, even in the old town, we lived in, they're still part of our lives and still part of our kids. And, you know, we love, but just the amount of people that we have met and the things that we have all got to experience just by saying, man, let's try it.

(21:24): Let's give it a go. I think has been huge for all of us. The lesson itself. I think you're probably firing some people up on something that maybe they've been thinking about for a while now. And they've just been talking about it. I think they're going to dive into a little bit more and hopefully be intentional and be able to walk through that door. So I think that is awesome. I think we'll probably end here because I think that's been pretty powerful and I love it. Is there anything else you want to add? I don't think so. No, you're good. I cannot thank you enough for being here for sure. And as always, I got to share with you guys, if you have zero energy to focus on yourself and need extra support and accountability from women who know what it's like to juggle a crazy busy life, head on over to beef it and fierce.com and become unstoppable with us. Or if you want to join a sisterhood dedicated to growing your faith, join our just brief Facebook group heads up on the next episode, we're going to talk about what we really should be striving for. And thanks so much for joining Lisa and I here today. Please subscribe, share this episode, link on your social media. As we all know, someone that can benefit. And I would love it. If you would give some feedback and a review as well. Talk to the next time. [inaudible] The unstoppable

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