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In this episode, you’ll learn…

  • The trick for staying present during bittersweet moments instead of being flooded by anxiety or nostalgia (1:22)
  • How to “bulletproof” yourself from feelings of regret and hanging onto the past (3:14)
  • What God is trying to show you when something special in your life comes to an end (6:49)
  • Why being trapped in the past robs you blind of the joy you could have right now (8:16)
  • Do this when something goes wrong and you’ll instantly become happier and more productive (12:49)
  • 4 activities you can do today that helps you become more grateful and self-aware despite what’s happening around you (14:43)
  • The “B-word” that makes you feel productive but is actually hijacking your happiness (15:59)

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If you have zero energy to focus on yourself and need extra support and accountability from women who know what it’s like to juggle a crazy busy life, then go to https://befitandfierce.com and become unstoppable with us.

Or, if you want to join a sisterhood dedicated to growing our faith, join our Just Breathe Facebook Group.

Read Full Transcript

Hi there. I'm Jill Allen and this is find your fierce, the show designed for women to discover your fierce, unlock and unstoppable mindset. Build unbreakable courage and completely transform how you show up every single day. Each week I will bring ideas, methods and strategies that will inspire you to step into your greatness and live life on purpose. Let's be fit, fierce and unstoppable.

(00:34): Hey there. Welcome to find your fierce. This is episode 22, super excited that you're here with me today. We were going to talk about refinement and why it was a requirement of our life, but I decided to switch gears this week just because I could not get over what I was feeling during the season of an end and the start of a new beginning, our oldest son, Houston. He graduated this year. Actually. He just graduated yesterday at the time that I am recording this. And I have to say, there's been so many emotions coming and going, you know, feel like, you know, the, both my husband and I were on this roller coaster. And that day was such a bittersweet day and we knew it was coming. We knew a season of her life was going to come to an end. So I wanted to come on here and connect with each and every one of you listening in and talk about the bittersweet moments in our life that makes such an impact that are so special and that the feelings that come along with these moments and how we can really focus on the present and how we can be in the moment.

(01:38): So we can really lock it in and make the best of each day. And I think we all know what a bitter sweet moment is, but just to kind of clarify here, it's producing or expressing a mixture of pain and pleasure. I mean, it's bittersweet the word everyone uses when facing a transition or a major life change. And we use it to help describe our mixed emotions, the excitement about what lays ahead, but it's also kind of mingled or connected with that nostalgia and sadness about what must be left behind. And it's like, when something that can never quite be reenacted, you know, and it comes to an end. And actually I think all our moments are that way. I know for me, I feel this sadness and yet a feeling of being blessed all at the same time. And I know you all can relate somehow of the times in her life where there's this double meaning you, these mixed emotions.

(02:37): I mean, it's here now. It's, it's amazing. It's wonderful. But then knowing it's not always going to be like that. And I feel that this is a word that we've been using nonstop in our house lately. We have been having lots of bittersweet moments and milestones. Sometimes we know that it is one of those moments, others, we completely miss that. It was the last time of something. And I want to talk about both here today because just these past few months alone, you know, with Houston graduating or our eighth grade son Hayden, he's moving on to high school, he's going to be a freshmen. You know, I think of the times of snuggling with them on the couch. And did I know that the last time was the last time? Did I fully embrace it or did I think, Hey, there's always going to be a next time, right?

(03:27): Next time, next evening. But here it is times of no more. They're certainly not snuggling on the couch with me, but think of all your last times, think of all your bittersweet moments, maybe it's a career change or a big move. You know, maybe it was no more kids in diapers. We were at the preschool here in town for 10 straight years. I remember getting a card, wishing us goodbye, right? Celebrating nine years with them. And I had to go back and tell them, Hey, we're here for one more year. You're not getting rid of us that quickly here. And when our fifth child, when Hadley graduated, pre-K it was for sure, a bittersweet moment, maybe it's selling your first house or buying your first home or moving out or your kids moving out, you know, think of all your bittersweet moments. How can we embrace all these times?

(04:20): And I know we're all gonna get through it, but how can we not miss a thing and fully embrace each and every moment of our life think about this. We have all these good times, all the connections we have made memories that we have created the last, the hugs. Think about your college days, the all nighters, you know, with your friends, the college graduation, maybe it's family vacations or everyone being home at the same time times with your parents, your grandparents, but here we have a time or something that has to come to an end because that is just part of life we're seasons end. But my question is, are we embracing this new adventure that is stretched out before us? I mean, it basically means it's a time of moving on the adventure that is awaiting. We need to embrace it as hard as it is watching our kids grow up or how emotionally drained I've been recently, you know, due to graduation and knowing that he's going to leave for school in just two months or how I'm praying for more time or hanging onto the past.

(05:27): And every moment that we have, I'm also just as excited for the next chapters in our life. The new memories that are going to be created, the new joys, the new opportunities, the new experiences, the new season life is like this beautiful journey that is woven or made up of all of our experiences combined, right? All the mistakes, all the victories think about all the relationships. And though we move on in life. We're always connected by the times we've shared. And all of that has led up to these massive shifts in our times. And I get it. I don't know about you, but my heart feels scattered during these times. There are these days where I want to go back in time. I want to retrace my steps, pick up all the pieces of my heart or what I've left behind, or sometimes I just want to do over.

(06:19): You know, I always say if I could just have one more week as a student at Ohio state, or one more week of all the kids being little or one more day with a loved one, we had lost, but yet the past is frozen, frozen only in our minds. When we revisit those places and the people in the moments in time, we can reminisce, we can become sentimental. We can reconnect and share the great joy and what God has done in our lives, but we cannot go backwards. We shouldn't even want to do so. Unfortunately, when we have, when we leave these pieces of our heart behind, or something comes to an end, think about this, that Claire's room for the future, God prepares new experiences and relationships with which we can fill our lives and hearts. He prepares new seasons for our life, for us to embrace and grab a hold of all, leading us to the path we are ultimately supposed to be on.

(07:11): You know, and as we face another bittersweet transition here, these next few months with him leaving for college, he's heading down to Wilmington here soon. I'm pushing myself to allow my heart to feel both the grief, the sadness, but yet the joy and the excitement. So I'm pushing myself to allow it's okay to have these mixed emotions. And if I'm being completely honest here, it's hitting us hard and it doesn't feel good at all. But to focus on what is to come, that part to me is exciting. That part is helping us through. So I'm striving to embrace and engage life through this transition by allowing myself to feel all of these emotions and accept them. And I cherish these past 18 years, and I know that, you know, through them, God has prepared us all for this next chapter of life. And the same goes for you wherever you are on your journey.

(08:09): But here's the thing I want to expand a little bit, a little bit more on this. And I know I'm guilty of this myself. Sometimes here's the thing. I feel that many of us are stuck in the past hanging on to past experiences, maybe failures upsets, and we're just staying there, replaying all of that in our heads over and over and over again, we always hear about in the movies, you know, of a guy hanging onto the high school days or hanging on to the glory days. We certainly don't want to be in high school or have high school be the highlight of our life. Right? But think about how many times we have been trapped in the past, unable to really move on from something, or maybe we are always wishing things are better or striving reach that next goal, or just surviving the days.

(08:58): And we miss these moments that are right in front of us. These every day bittersweet moments, we think of bittersweet moments that these big life shifts, right, that we just talked about. But what about our everyday moments that we miss completely? The moments that we didn't realize were our lasts the loss of a loved one. The last time you were able to hug someone the last time you saw someone or talk to someone, or the last time you held someone's hand or the last time your kids sat on your lap, or the last time you saw your kid run around the track. I think about all before this crazy season of time thinking we had all of Houston, senior track season ahead of us to see him run. And we had this entire outdoor season that was canceled due to COVID. I think of the last time we saw him run and we never knew it was going to be his last race ever.

(09:51): And the last time we would ever see that kid run again, right. It was a bittersweet moment that just passed us by. We thought we had more time. How many of us think we always have more time? One of my best friends just had a major health scare. Talk about a wake up call for everyone. We think we have more time. We often times don't know when the last will be the last or when a door will be shut or when the end becomes an end. So my question or thought is, are we paying attention to all of that, all these precious moments, or are we allowing ourselves to just be on cruise control and lazy with our presence? Or do we take things for granted and then end up with regret or wishing we had done things differently, acted differently, talk differently. Are we living with intention?

(10:40): Are we soaking up all these moments and special times are we soaking up every minute of her life? What value have we put on the time that we've been given? Are we being good stewards of that time that has been gifted to us? Or do we get caught up in all the drama in the news or on social media and waste our time on stupidity? You know, I don't want to be a downer and I certainly don't want to dwell on all the what ifs, but I truly believe, I truly think every second of every minute of every hour of every day is a bittersweet moment as we never get that time back. So I think we need to wake up and start living and truly be and live in all these bittersweet moments. How can we be present? How can we live in the moment?

(11:27): And it's something I'm still trying to master myself. Trust me. I don't have all of this together at all times, but I want to first share with you what I found when I looked up to what it means to be in the moment. It says here to be in the moment is to let all else go. It means letting go of your past your connection to what was so that you no longer drift backwards in time being present means no longer ahead to the future because projecting the present into the future in any way is not real. That's pretty powerful. You know, a study showed that we spend more than half of our life not present or living in the moment that people spend half their time thinking about something else and not focusing on what they are doing in the present. So here are a few things that we can add into our day to help us with that one.

(12:21): I want you guys to look at life as an opportunity. No, sometimes we talk of the day as a bad day before it's even over or before, it's really even started it's before lunch. And we had written off the rest of the day as a bad day, maybe we woke up in a bad mood or we hated how something went wrong and you know, and therefore the rest of the day can't possibly get any better. So why do we think that way, guys? That's silly. I remember one day I got frustrated about something that happened first thing in the morning, and I didn't get over it until the afternoon. And when I did, I was thinking, why have I wasted six hours of my day of my life being mad when I could have done something productive and shifted gears? Cause I don't know about you.

(12:58): You know, the only thing that gets done when I'm upset is maybe the house getting cleaned, but things weren't getting done and the day was impacted because I allowed that to be impacting the rest of my day. Right? So wake up each day, looking for opportunity, looking at it like a clean slate, a brand new day to create memories and opportunity. Anything can happen, right? And when something does go wrong, look at the opportunity it created for you. Instead of all the frustrations, everything happens for a reason. When you start looking at life that way it becomes opportunities. And here's the thing we are in this ever changing world. And we all live constantly changing lives. So don't be so set in your ways that you can't move on or adjust to change. You know, I know it's a huge struggle for many. You might want to listen to one of my prior episodes all about embracing the change, but just try to look at each change as a new opportunity, a chance to grow and a time to learn new things, to acceptance, except who you are, love yourself for who you are, except where you are in life.

(14:00): What life has given you. And even the mistakes you've made along the way, just because you have a future or a dream, or maybe you want to be skinnier, richer or more educated, or you wish you had this, or you had that. It doesn't mean you have to hate what is now. Don't hate the person you are now for the person you wish you were, or the person that you want to become. If you don't, you're always be chasing the future. So accept things as they are, especially yourself, three, add some mindful activities into your day. Be aware of life. Don't just go through the motions, get to know who's around you. Who needs help or a friend. How can you influence others? How can you improve your life? Create time for you or, or love more, do mindful activities that help you become self aware like journaling.

(14:47): I love journaling, meditating, being grateful. Pray, sit in silence for a few minutes every day, really taken these moments and memories and recognize that you're living when you're in the moment that you love and be grateful for it for be aware of your state of mind. Like literally put your mind in the present, work on your thoughts and create a positive mindset. Let go of any negative thoughts, negative influences in your life. Let go of everything. Let go of the people who have wronged you. Forgive, let go of mistakes. You've made, don't beat yourself up. Let go of the past. Don't live in the past, be present. And today deal with the challenges of today. Declutter get rid of the things you don't need like clothes. Sometimes, maybe even people life's too short to hold on to things that bog you down, especially the negative.

(15:41): So purge it from your life and don't let your mind wonder in the past wishing for, you know, all the coulda shoulda woulda bins, right? Don't wish for something so much in the future that you forget to live today. So we got to make sure that we put our mind here in this moment and be aware of the state five. Don't be so busy being busy. And I know you guys can relate to this cause I have always been so guilty of this. We live in this super busy world. Don't get caught up in all that. I have to do this right? Prioritize your life and really cut out the things that you don't have to do. Stop watching the clock pick a day where you're not on a schedule, but living in the moment, spending time with family, you know, serving others, taking some me time when our lives are so busy that we don't have time to stop or smell the roses.

(16:34): I mean, we're really not enjoying it. And here's the thing. You can laugh too. Don't take yourself so seriously or anyone for that matter have fun and create those memories and six serve and help others find time to serve those around you get lost in someone else's life instead of your own. Don't look back on life and wonder if you were ever there to help others. Don't get so busy that you don't have time to help, you know, life, something that we all have to go through together, whether we like it or not. So be kind forgive, make time to serve. And I know it's going to make your life just so enriched and blessed when doing so. So all our bittersweet moments in life, guys, you know, something bigger, better, more sweeter is coming our way, new opportunities, new stories, new memories are going to be created new seasons.

(17:25): Yes, there's a sadness that comes along with all of that, but God has a plan and he wants us to continue to grow and move and change along the way. And I just don't want you to embrace the bittersweet moments and big life transitions in your life. I want all of us to embrace all the moments each and every day and never take life for granted. Look at life as an opportunity except who God created you to be, be aware. Life don't go through the motions, fill your heart and mind with positive and the fullness of love. And don't be so busy being busy. And remember we are here to serve and help others. I hope you were able to grab something from this episode that fired you up to embrace all these bittersweet moments that we've been gifted. And of course I would love to invite you to join us, to embrace each day.

(18:10): If you have zero energy to focus on yourself and need extra support and accountability from women who know what it's like to juggle a crazy busy life, then it go to be fit and fierce.com and become unstoppable with us. Or if you want to join a sisterhood dedicated to growing your faith, join our just brief Facebook group heads. Up on the next episode, we are going to have a special guest, a food network, chef Lauren lawless, and we are going to talk nutrition, cooking and dreams. Thanks so much for joining me today. Please subscribe, share this episode, link on your social media. As we all know, someone that can benefit and I would love it. If you would give some feedback and a review as well, talk to the next time, be fit, be fierce, be unstoppable.

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