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In this episode, you’ll learn…

  • How the lockdowns are making us more in touch with our emotions (1:29)
  • The trick for not constantly being anxious and afraid — especially in scary times (6:59)
  • Why now is the single greatest time in your life to “rewire” your brain (7:13)
  • How to keep up with the news without getting dragged down into depression (7:51)
  • The most important thing you can focus on to avoid the vicious cycle of worry, anxiety, and fear (17:49)

If you have zero energy to focus on yourself and need extra support and accountability from women who know what it’s like to juggle a crazy busy life, then go to https://befitandfierce.com and become unstoppable with us.

Or, if you want to join a sisterhood dedicated to growing our faith, join our Just Breathe Facebook Group.

Read Full Transcript

Hi there. I'm Jill Allen and this is find your fierce, the show designed for women to discover your fierce, unlock and unstoppable mindset. Build unbreakable courage and completely transform how you show up every single day. Each week I will bring ideas, methods and strategies that will inspire you to step into your greatness and live life on purpose. Let's be fit, fierce and unstoppable.

(00:32): Hey there, welcome to find your fierce. This is episode 13 and we are kicking off a series called find your peace and I'm even more excited because we have a special guest with us, someone that inspires me, who is real, who's honest and has so much wisdom and love to share with all of us. Meet my friend Nikki, cozy ours from Proverbs 31 we just actually finished up our latest Bible study, one of her books. Why her and I'm just so excited to have her with us today as we dive into our first discussion all about worry and anxiety and fear, something that I know that all of us are struggling and wrestling with right now. So welcome Nikki. Angel, I'm so excited. Anytime I get to hang out with you. It's a good day. I love it. I love it. Well, how are you doing? Yeah, that's a loaded question, Joe.

(01:19): How are you? Interesting. Fine. It's okay not to be okay. That's right. That's right. I will tell you, most of my friends when I asked them, how are you? There's no more. I'm fine. Like they're like, let me tell you how I really am today. So maybe that's a positive, that we are becoming very in touch with our emotions through kind of the 19. You know, I think I'm like everybody else. I have good days. I have bad days. I just came off three really bad days. And today has been better. Yesterday got a little bit better and today it's a little bit better. So yeah. How are you? Good. I mean, you know, I think we're all getting used to the new norm. [inaudible] Whatever that we'll be. And you know, just, I mean, everyone's impacted and it's so hard. I think sometimes when I'm sitting here thinking about what we're going through, but then my, my mind and my heart goes out to all the others because I know that we're, we're going to be okay and [inaudible] but you start thinking about the people who are losing their jobs and their career or they're in danger or not danger, but they're putting their health at risk because they're in the front lines with all of this and you know, kids are home own podcast about the kids being like, well, look where I'm at.

(02:41): I'm in my pocket hiding from all of this. So I think there's so many, every single person's being impacted. Yeah. I think for me you know, one of the biggest kind of wake up calls that I've had was just actually on Sunday, I called dad. It was his birthday and he lives at the beach, which is about three hours from where we live. And we knew we couldn't go see him because he is one of the very high risk people. He has heart problems, you know, just a lot of different blood pressure and things like that. And he's in that age bracket that they have said is very high risk. But my dad is like tough football coach for 30 years. Like yelled at me all the time as a kid, like not a softie at all. And he cried on the phone because he's terrified to leave his house right now.

(03:31): Like he will not go out in public. And so my emotions yesterday kinda got the best of me because I know everybody's handling this different and some people are like, screw the guidelines. Who cares about the rules? I don't care. You know, I'm going to do what I want to do, live my own life. And I don't know, are you guys understand home order right now? We are in Ohio and yes we have a stay at home order. There are a lot of cars out and you know, I think things have slowed down a little bit, but people are doing their own thing. You know, some are home scared worrying and I just think, you know, something that we're telling our kids too, you know, of course they're teenagers and they're just, they want to go in all of that and they see my husband still going to work, you know, with it being, you know, at the greenhouse and life is somewhat normal and they don't understand the severity of this.

(04:26): Yes. I mean, none of us have seen exactly what's happening and I think that's the unknown and the uncertainty that we're all going through. Right? Yeah. So we have a stay at home order. Are people following that? I'm not sure. You know, you sit and you watch the news and you don't know if that's necessarily the best thing. You know, I definitely watch who I'm watching and I had this thought and our news program, it says facts over fear and that's how they're advertising that. And it just reminded me so much of the faith over the fear of truth over here and how it is that we can really move forward in this [inaudible] and find a good and all of it. Yeah. So North Carolina just went under our state at home order started yesterday and, but I kind of feel like nothing's changing because we've already been following what, you know, the government has asked all of us canceled spring break, all that kind of stuff.

(05:22): But you know, my emotions really got the best of me after talking to my dad and then talking to somebody who's a good friend of mine yesterday who just was kinda like, Oh, am I going to do what I want to do? It kind of hurt my heart because even though like I'm not afraid of this virus. Okay. It's not even a fear anymore about if I'm going to get sick or you know, things like that. But I fear, you know, being the person to spread it in somebody who does have a compromised immune system like my dad and hearing the fear and his voice and hearing that he has not left his house Allison over a week, it kinda just brought a little bit of a reality check. I think some of us need in the midst of it. Again, it's not living in a place of fear from it, but it is, it's the facts that you can carry it and not even know and you could touch something and it's there days later and things like that.

(06:10): So definitely it's been a struggle. Just kind of wrapping my head all around it. Have you taken the Enneagram before? I have, what's your number? It gets eight. You're an eight. I would never have guessed that you're going to die when I'm about to say. Okay. You might have heard it too. Are eights are the ones who are lying bucking the system all the way? Oh no, no. You must be a nine wing cause that's a peacemaker who wants to make sure everybody's in harmony and things like that. So yeah, I definitely do not want to be the person that causes someone to be ill isn't the same thing with my grandma. I haven't seen her and it's like one of those, I just don't want to be the one. And you know, of course, you know she's cooped up in the house and misses those visitors.

(06:59): So I think there is a lot of people are going into the fear and the anxiety and that stress and worrying of the unknown of things that we cannot control. Yes. And that could be the scary part. Okay. Not having that control. I do know though that we've been blessed with the ability to choose what we focus on. Yes. And that's that rewiring or a time now that we can kind of get back to what is it that we can control and that would be, I think our thoughts and what we choose to focus on. Yeah, I agree. What are you focusing on? Yeah. And what are you feeding yourself? You know, I know your body is very similar to your soul, so what you're ingesting and what you're taking in is what's going to come out. And so literally the way you look, the way you feel, and so it's the same with your soul.

(07:49): You've got to make sure that you're feeding yourself the right things. One of the things that I've been doing as far as like the news goes, I don't watch the news in the morning because I feel like that's the worst thing that I can do. But I do hop on Twitter because if something is trending then I know maybe I need to pay attention to this. But if there's nothing significant trending that needs my attention right then I don't, we have watched a few of the presidential briefings. We don't watch every single one but just every other day or so. And then maybe like 30 minutes at night. Not right before I go to sleep cause that's not a good way. It's just trying to limit it and just realize that if something's going on I'm going to get 15 text messages about it. Yeah, we're not going miss it.

(08:32): Yeah. And you know, I don't know if this happened to you, but before all the stay at home orders went into place, a lot of friends had like insider information. And so there was a lot of fear and panic because I would get these texts that would say tomorrow your state's going on lockdown and it kind of created this sense of fear and I had to choose like, am I going to continue to spread? Like it's coming. We knew stay at home orders were coming, but you know, you have to also be careful of what you're going to spread because just like we don't want to be the ones spreading the virus. We don't want to be the ones spreading fear. We want to spread peace to people. Yeah. Are we adding fuel to the fire and which are we adding the fuel to? And I think this is the time that more than ever people need the hope and this the love and well the piece of, yeah, knowing that we're all in this together and that we're not alone despite home orders.

(09:30): Yes. I think that's the most comforting thing, right? Like the whole world is literally dealing with the same thing right now and never in our lifetime have we experienced anything like this. And so it is a way for us to unify things. And you know, I think there, there can also be a place where we over spiritualize some of the things that we're feeling. So it's important to hold on to your feelings, like when you're feeling frustrated and when you're feeling angry or you're feeling sad or you're grieving something like to let your feelings process. Like I was just sharing with you, you know, I've been grieving that my calling feels like it's been taken away right now. All of my events are canceled indefinitely. We're even starting to have conversations about August events. And so, you know, that's months away. And so for me, like I've been grieving, getting to be in person with people and teaching the Bible and experiencing worship together.

(10:22): And it's okay to be sad about that. All of us, like there's been weddings that have had to be, you know, changed birthdays. And then my dad's birthday was a great example of that. So we're all gonna face disappointments. And so it's not just like, Oh, let's just slap Jesus on this and make it all better because Jesus cares about all the things that we're feeling. I was talking to one of my friends this morning and she was talking to me about her dog. Her dog needs to have surgery and she was like, I just don't know if I can afford it right now. Like the whole world's fallen apart. And she was like, I prayed about it and I felt like Jesus told me he cares about my dog. And I was like, he does care about your dog and if your dog brings you joy and peace and everything.

(11:02): Yes, Jesus cares about all the details of our lives. And so it's important to remember that like God cares about the little things and the big things and everything that we're going through. I don't think we can dismiss that. And it's funny, I was in a funk over the past weekend. I mean, again, the whole new normal and like we eat the ends are hard. Yes. Cleaning the house. And I mean like what happens now? The whole house is cleaned. What do we do? I mean your pictures still, your kids are keeping your house real clean. I'm making them clean on all of this, you know, but I'm trying to use this time to, not reinvent but just kind of recreate and really get back to what, what's important, what is important. And if someone is coming from, you know, just being always so busy with everything. I think that this has been really, but then the fear and the worry and all of that, I mean it's still there and just trying to talk to the kids about it [inaudible] what it is that we can do during this time, you know, and trying to be in that solution mode.

(12:05): I am one of those people that like, okay, let's find a solution for this. But what happens if you don't have the solution? No. So how do we move forward in that? And I want to have more good days than bad and that's the biggest thing. I reached out to my clients. How are you doing? And the stories that are coming back, knowing what people are going through is that you want to shine that light somehow, but it doesn't mean, or to dismiss that what your personally going through as well. Yeah. Yeah, I agree. And I think more than anything, people right now just want understanding and empathy from others. You know, not even necessarily a solution. The only thing I can think to tell my girls when they get mad at me, when I say no, your friend cannot come over. No, you may not go there.

(12:49): No, you may not like, Oh, I'm going to say no right now is just acknowledge it. You know, I've said to them multiple times, I know you don't like me right now. I know that. But just acknowledge how they're feeling. So when you're talking to a friend, if they feel disappointed, like acknowledge it. But one of the things that I think is really important when we're looking at this idea of finding peace in the midst of this is that the difference between fear and wisdom. Okay. So we kind of talked about this a little bit on our Bible study that we did about what the wisdom of God really looks like in the midst of this. The reality is every day you're going to wake up and you're going to either choose to see fear or you're going to choose to see faith. And wisdom comes in the midst of our faith.

(13:35): But both of those things are fighting for us all day long, right? Like we have fear knocking on us every time we open our phones or our thoughts, you know, start running. But then we also have faith that's knocking at us. And so one of the things that I think is important in this season is to ask God like, what is my assignment and this season, because we all have what? He would not allow some, I don't think God made this happen. I don't believe that that's not the camp that I run in. This is not God's judgment on the world. If anything, I think this came skews me straight from the pit of hell. I don't believe that disease and sickness ever comes from heaven. Okay. And so fear wants me to believe that, but wisdom that comes from heaven tells me that's not who my God is.

(14:18): And so as you're asking God, what is your assignment in the midst of this? Like he's going to get each one of us the faith that we need for that assignment. We're not all called to save the whole world and to everything, but there's something like Jill that you can believe in somebody for and there's something I can believe in somebody for her and together we're going to really start to make some people stronger and healthier in their souls. Wow. And the assignment, it's going to be different for everyone. Everyone. Nobody's assignment looks the same right now. The thing is is that most of us assignments are exactly the same that they were before COBIT 19 but it's becoming so clear in the season because all the noise is gone, the busy-ness has gone and we're really having a sit with ourselves, which I don't think in our culture we've ever done this.

(15:06): It's always just been like, go to the next thing, check off the next box, next thing, next thing. And it's not bad. I'm not saying what we did before was bad stuff. It was all great. But I do think that in this season our assignments are going to become real clear and the way God was using you before COBIT 19 will be even greater and the impact that you're having now, but it's going to look different. Like for my assignment, I can't go and be in front of people and teach and things like that. So I'm having to get real creative. We had a revival in our barn online, you know, I'm going to do these public Bible studies. So you just got to get really creative in the way that you're going to live out your assignment right now. And I think that is a good thing cause it's, it forced us to look at different things.

(15:48): I had talked a little bit about when we talked about this right before we hopped on, you know, getting creative. We went online with the greenhouse, you know, and just trying to find different ways. And, and reaching out in my, you know, the gym is cancer, you know, classes are canceled trying to connect with people in a different way. But God already set you up for what you're doing. Like you are already doing online workout classes. Oh yeah. I've been so thankful for that. Like, Oh gosh, we've been, and I think we're all been prepared. Yes. Do this. And if not, it's now our wake up call to be able, okay, what is it that I need to do right now? No, that strong foundation for all upcoming things. I think with the worry in all of this and if focusing on what we can control on that, but not letting it get to the anxiety part to where we have those physical symptoms of the, I just think of the impact from that standpoint as well.

(16:47): Yeah, the worry and fear will lead to that. Yeah. I think it would be good for us just to talk for a second, what can we control in this season? Because that's really what people are asking. So I'm curious, when it comes to your life, what does it look like that you can control right now in mine? And there's not a lot that we can control. Okay. But there's one thing, you know, again, what we choose to focus on, and I always think our thoughts, control are our words, our actions, the way we speak, and then ultimately our reality. And so what is it that we're choosing to think on? You know, do we run toward God or do we run away? Do we focus on the fear or do we focus on that strong faith and the strong foundation that we have? I mean it or the truth I should say.

(17:31): That's something that I've, that we have to work on daily because when you were human, so we're going to have those off days, those off moments. And it's not just, Oh, I'm good today. It might be I'm good at this moment, but next minute I'm not it constant choice, what it is that focus on because it is so easy to get sucked back in to again, the worry, the fear, the anxiety. So I focus on my thoughts for sure. That's a big one. That's huge way. I see. Yes. Which is not always good. I mean I, I it's just, I may have some other day, Joe. Yeah. Yeah. I may have in front of my whole family. Yeah. That was just done. I was done with the attitude. I was done with the messes and the dishes and the whining and as it's done, so I slept. I'm not really a cussing girl at all.

(18:27): Like, okay, something is not good in me. So I'm thinking about like for the things that I can control, like I get to control what, well, for the most part I get to set my day up for success. So in the morning, you know, I get to decide, okay, this is how I'm going to spend my time today. Even if you know you have a job that you're still working from home on, which you know, you and I both still have responsibilities. It's not like we're just hanging out doing a craft project. We have businesses and commitments and things like that. So I get to control like how much am I going to work on this and how much am I gonna feed? You know what you're talking about with the news and constant messages coming in from other people. And that's not also I get to control the way that I react to the situation.

(19:11): And so that's something that's been a huge thing for me to remember that like I can't control what they're doing and what they're saying, but I can control my reaction. You respond and our response, and this is going to be what takes us further for sure. Oh yeah. Well, and we'll allow again back to, well this whole series is about is the piece. Yes. Knowing that we can focus on what it is that we can, I think the way we respond and not so much cause the world. I mean it does. It demands our attention. It does. So what does it look like for you to live in peace? The peace. I think for me, I always thought it was time management of everything and just having, for me, I thought that piece came when I could try to control everything that was the old jail and the new Joe is just trying to, when things that are outside of my control, I'm telling you the best thing that I've been able to do is just take that step back and I breathe.

(20:16): I know that sounds so crazy, but it's giving me that time for me to be able to respond in a way versus me just like lashing out or trying to control every situation. So I think it's really coming from within. And I tell you, I listened to pod or the Christian radio, we have a plan on in the house all the time. I love it. And that allows me to have that piece as well. So I think that's kind of, Oh, I do that. And like I said, it's a challenge every day. It's not a, I'm peaceful all the time. Yeah. It's something that I wrestle with on that. How about you? So I shared that, you know, the last three days have not been good days and last night I did not sleep well. And in fact, I've been up since three o'clock this morning.

(21:07): So like I feel like my day is over, but it's not even close. And so for me it's that that piece at night, like when I lay my head down, I don't have anxiety rushing over me. I can turn my brain off and just rest like literally rest. And I always like to think about when, when I'm asleep that like it's just a sweet place with God because like, I'm not thinking, I'm not praying, I'm not anything like it's just, you know, I'm just in a place of stillness and rest. But I still believe that when we're, even when we're sleeping, like the Lord is fighting on our behalf and he's fighting battles that we'll never see or know about while we're here on this earth. And so when I fall asleep peacefully, I wake up feeling like ready to conquer the world. But this morning I woke up and I immediately, Jill, you want to know what I did this morning?

(21:59): I made a list of everything we need to sell. All those subscriptions we need to cut off. And like we're like, we're okay right now financially okay. But fear is trying to write this story that is not even happening. And yes, I think it's smart for us to be wise and you know, make good decisions. But I can totally see the difference between nights where I fall asleep and literally I feel like the Lord fought for me all night. And then the nights where I wake up and I'm like, I got to fight this battle. I got to do all these things to make this safe and you know, not feel this fear. So I'm hoping tonight like I'm going to fall asleep in that place of peace and wake up tomorrow knowing that the Lord fought for me. Right. Well and no, that it doesn't have to be on your shoulders.

(22:41): That's right. It's not on us to fix it. And I think that's sometimes where we just want as humans. So having that piece to rendering that all is going to be good, but again, using that wisdom and and and get, I think it's going back to what is your assignment. I love that. Yeah, this is good. I think this is a good time to wrap up for today. I definitely want to invite you ladies in to our sisterhood. If you have zero energy to focus on yourself and need extra support and accountability from women who know what it's like to juggle crazy busy life, then head on over to be and fierce.com and become unstoppable with us or if you want to join a sisterhood dedicated to growing our faith. Join our just brief Facebook group heads up on the next episode. We are going to continue find your peace series and talk about the struggle with slowing down and why it may just be the wake up call that we need. Thanks so much for joining us today. Please subscribe, share this episode, link on your social media as we all know, someone that can benefit and I would love it if you would give some feedback and review as well. Talk with you next time. Be fit, be fierce, be unstoppable. See ya.

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