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In this episode, you’ll learn…

  • The old, ancient book that instantly improves your confidence (1:30)
  • The real reason you experience imposter syndrome and how to stop it in its tracks (3:56)
  • The unlikely origin where all confidence stems from (4:47)
  • 99% of your worries, doubts, fears, and anxieties come from this… (6:18)
  • The difficult, yet profound way to create authentic confidence out of thin air (7:20)
  • Why you need to be your own best friend if you want to become more confident (13:58)
  • 3 words you need to remember when you’re not feeling confident (15:15)

If you have zero energy to focus on yourself and need extra support and accountability from women who know what it’s like to juggle a crazy busy life, then go to https://befitandfierce.com and become unstoppable with us.

Or, if you want to join a sisterhood dedicated to growing our faith, join our Just Breathe Facebook Group.

Read Full Transcript

Hi there. I'm Jill Allen and this is find your fierce, the show designed for women to discover your fierce, unlock and unstoppable mindset. Build unbreakable courage and completely transform how you show up every single day. Each week I will bring ideas, methods and strategies that will inspire you to step into your greatness and live life on purpose. Let's be fit, fierce and unstoppable.

(00:34): Hey there everyone. Welcome to find your fierce. This is episode 12 and I love what we're going to talk about today. I'm going to share with you my ideas on living your life with confidence as I know we all have had a time or maybe you are struggling with confidence in some areas now. I just know that when we can walk with confidence and when we believe in ourselves, it is like watch out world and how it impacts the way that we show up these past few years. Really this past year to be completely transparent here, I felt like God was taking me through a season of growth where he was teaching me many different things and stripping me of old beliefs, overcoming any self doubt, the insecurities that I have, the fears, letting go of the not so good stuff. Wow. He was certainly renewing my heart. I'm definitely a work in progress, but one morning a few months ago I was sitting on my couch reading my daily devotions and studying one of those three or five day Bible plans.

(01:37): I use the Bible app. If any of you use that or are looking for something like that to add into your day. I absolutely love it and I was like, your God is, he's been taking me through a season of growth and like it just popped in my head. Oh, you know, I should start a Bible study. As I knew how much diving into the scripture helped me. I knew it could help so many and I reached out to my friend Nikki cozy ours. She spoke at one of our find your fierce retreats, you know, she's a two time best selling author for Proverbs 31 and I just texted her and I asked if she would like to pop in and share with us during the six week study. It was on her book. Why her? And to just let me know and I couldn't believe that I just sent a text and that I asked the author of the book to join in for a day.

(02:27): Who does that? Why did I do that? I'm thinking she was going to be too busy. I was questioning whether or not if I am even qualified, delete a study. You know, I don't have any confidence when it comes to scripture and dissecting it and let alone sharing and pouring everything out there for others. And all I know is that it just makes me feel good. So I just sent that text out. She texted back almost immediately saying, yeah, I love it. Let's do it. Why don't I join in every week? And I'm telling you guys, my heart was exploding was I was wowed. Talk about amazing. And we started less than two weeks later. So it was definitely God's timing for sure. And I spent the following week, weeks leading up to it, reading the chapters, pouring over scripture, praying, preparing, practicing, inviting people to join us. And it was one of the most exciting and life giving experiences I've ever been through.

(03:23): And the study was exactly what was needed for myself and for all the women that joined us. And you know what? I wasn't as nervous as I thought I would be or overwhelmed. The anxiety wasn't creeping in, maybe a little bit in terms of being nervous, but it was probably because I was more excited than nervous. And what I really felt was this deep sense of responsibility to deliver a message, dive into study that obviously God had set up so perfectly and spoke so clearly to me. And I share this story with you to show you that I still experience imposter syndrome. And basically what that is is you know that feeling of exposed inadequacy, there's still situations that put me outside of my comfort zone and make me feel unqualified. But if we let these feelings drive our decisions, if we let those feelings stop us, will never step or let alone confidently step into what God has called us to do.

(04:27): And so I've been on this mission to be on the lookout for those moments to embrace them, to grab ahold of them. And that's why I want to spend some time today talking about believing in yourself and having that courageous confidence even when you're scared or when you feel inadequate. So let's dive into how you can live with confidence that allows you to step into your greatness. Let's rock it out here today. Number one. No, that confidence already lives inside you. I know we don't remember the day we were born, but we were born with no sense of what we could or couldn't do. If we can tap into the confidence we were born with, you know, we didn't just come out screaming or crying and all insecure. We came out unaware of any external judgment. We were only concerned with only our own experience, our own needs.

(05:16): And I'm not saying to be oblivious to others, it's just that it may help us to remember that confidence was our original nature before time started chiseling away at it. And I feel it's something that is always there, something we were born with and it gets lost along the way or we allow others to steal it. And sometimes we need to dig deep to find it again. And it might be time. Today might be the time to re-examine and ditch many of these limiting beliefs you have about your abilities and find out why you have this disbelief in the first place and face them. But for now, I want you to reflect on the moments from childhood when you were a kid, the times before you became self-aware and were told you couldn't do something. Here's the thing, once we developed a sense of self awareness, we started forming doubts and insecurities about how other people saw us.

(06:05): We learned to crave praise and we probably learned to avoid criticism. And it probably came into your adult life, you know, and maybe you started getting down on yourself if you were constantly being criticized. And if we are honest, 99% of our fears or doubts or insecurities and anxieties come from worrying about what other people think about us. Imagine if we went back to the confidence we were born with. What if we get secure in who we are and whose we are? Then when someone says something crazy on Facebook or your crazy neighbor down the street makes a passive aggressive comment about a decision you made that it doesn't fluster you, that it doesn't rattle you or shake you because you have a confidence that comes from within that we actually looked to scripture to learn what God has to say about you, not social media, not the worldly views.

(07:00): So when you start feeling unsure of yourself, remember we were all born with confidence and we can all get it back. If we learn to silence the thoughts that threaten it, and I'm going to say it again, you already possess confidence. You just need to reignite the fire inside to allow it to show through live it and do it. Nothing will create authentic confidence in any area of your life, like actually doing the thing, you know, for example, I'm confident in things like speaking, even with all my ums likes and you knows and, and if you've been on here and you've listened to me, you probably can pick up on those things. But unconfident in those things like coaching and training others, because I've been doing those things for years. I have experience in those areas now if I were trying something completely new, I want it feel as confident.

(07:52): I need experience. But it's important for us to embrace that we're all beginners at something. We can study up, we can prepare, we can read every book out there. But experience in actually doing it is key and nothing's going to prepare us for the real thing. Like doing the real thing. So I got Italia, go do the thing, you know? And I always [inaudible] say we got to get comfortable with being uncomfortable. You know, we have to embrace the unknown and accept all the uncomfortable and get outside our comfort zone situations, seeing the world through a different lens. These are the key components to living confidently. And if we are embracing the unknown, we have to be okay knowing we can't plan everything. We won't know the outcome of all situations and that we will be challenged and uncomfortable at times. You know, something, our confidence comes from knowing that we can create the outcome we desire.

(08:46): To some extent it does, but not always. No matter how talented, smart, or capable we all are, we cannot predict or control everything that in our life we can be confident in the way that we respond and always confident knowing that God will always be with us. Here's the thing, even confident people lose jobs, their health, their relationships. I mean this is all part of life. This is all part of creating and ultimately developing confidence as well. Developing the confidence of how we can get through the unknown that is called faith. And with that faith, it gives us the confidence to go live, to go do it. And the funny thing is, well competence is a funny thing. A guy named Christian Minsky. He said, you go out and do the thing you're most terrified of and the confidence comes afterwards. I love it. It sums it up perfectly.

(09:37): If you always do things as you've always done them, of course you won't feel confident. So doing the hard stuff, doing the scary stuff, facing the challenges, head on, taking risks, all help build our confidence and we are never going to be good at relationships if we don't jump in and put ourselves out there or never feeling comfortable doing a workout or going to the gym unless we show up and do the workout and we practice that skill or never going to have a successful startup business if we don't get uncomfortable. We got to do the hard things. We have to crawl, we have to walk, we have to fall and then repeat all of that over and over and over again. And that is where the confidence comes from as well as getting help. I have been blessed to had a lot of help.

(10:20): All my life I've learned from those who have gone before me. I mean find mentors who have been where you want to go and learn from them. There's someone out there who's a little bit further than you, you know, a page ahead that can give you advice, tips, and the tools that will help you make yourself vulnerable to do whatever it takes to learn, work on becoming better and better every day. And it's really easy to stop believing in yourself when you don't feel like you have any of the answers. But guys, that's okay, we can't do everything and we certainly don't know how to do everything. So take advantage with all that is out there. You know, in addition to those mentors that we have in our life, there's the internet, which can be overwhelming at times, but there's a boatload of information. There's the books you can read and courses you can take.

So if you want to get the confidence, go out and get the help that you need. But of course, pair that up with the real life experiences. Okay? You got to do it to number three. No, your powerhouse gifts. As we learn who we truly are, we have to know our strengths and our weaknesses to get clear on the gifts that we have been given. So let's develop your superpower. Think of the typical powers of your favorite superheroes, right? Jot them down. We're talking the ability, the courage, the resiliency, the competence. Now find only one thing about yourself that makes you unique. That's something that gift, that IT thing, that IT factor that no one else has. That is your super power gang. That is your powerhouse gift. We need to own that. And once we grab a hold of that, then we need a primer mine with this ability of ours every single day.

(12:02): You know, your ability to support and lift others up can lead to ministry or coaching. Think about your skills and storytelling. You know, can it naturally evolve into being a writer? Your ability to communicate and share ideas? Could it be producing a podcast or a series of motivational videos? I mean, you begin to see your natural abilities with a boldness that gives you the confidence to try new things and be more adventurous. And regardless of whether you succeed or not, you have more than enough confidence to know that you are capable of trying, doing and being even more because we know and fully own our powerhouse gift and learning who you are. I know it doesn't happen overnight for one thing. It can be hard to know which parts of you and which parts are who you think you should be, but knowing who you are, discovering the endless capacity within you gives you clarity not only about yourself, but how you connect with the world.

(12:59): Remember, you are not bound by the interpretations and the conclusions others develop about you. Ditch those limiting beliefs. Get super clear of what is important to you, what motivates you, and how you choose to show up in every aspect of your life. That clarity of knowing who you are gives you the confidence because you understand your own character that your identity is in Christ and the gifts you have been given. Make you uniquely you and then four, love your authentic self. Focus on self-love. Confidence is impossible if you do not love yourself. I've come to learn that self-love. It's not an overnight process. It's one that takes time. It's a journey. It's going to have some road bumps along the way. A lot of ups and downs, and it's okay to have off days and make mistakes. I mean we are human, but we got to stop beating ourselves up so much and understand that loving ourselves is a key step to living out a confident life.

(13:56): We have to give ourselves some grace. It's amazing, especially women. How we oftentimes will spend our entire day from the moment we wake up to the moment we go to sleep, beating ourselves up about how we look, how we dress, how we keep our house, how we parent our kids, how we fail at work, whatever it is that's going on in her life that day. It's an all day, every day narrative in our head. That is mean and exhausting. But you know what? We can't offer something we don't have and we can't lead others where we are not. So if you want to love people, if you want to lead people, we, we better love ourself first. So talk to yourself like you would to someone you love. And here's a really simple and practical tip to help you talk to yourself with love. Go to your Bible.

(14:46): God has some amazing things to say about you. He says he delights over you with singing, that he knit you together in your mother's womb, that he would move heaven and earth for you, that he chose you, that he loves you. You are precious in his sight. Replace the lies in your head and heart with those truths. You gotta think it's the same guy that gave us the confidence we were born with. And I read this the other day, the power of I am enough self doubt is the lack of belief in your own talents and abilities. Self-doubt at its core is an expression of inadequacy. Repeat after me. I am not. Yeah, I have enough guys. You are as well. Well, I know that I need to take my own advice. I hope this can help you come to love yourself and realize that you are worthy of love and acceptance and that no matter where you are on your journey of confidence, remember to stay strong and know that you can do this.

(15:41): Love yourself, my friends. Let's wrap this up here. When you're not feeling confident or when you're having trouble believing in yourself, I want you to remember that confidence is from the inside out and living with confidence. It's more than just an inspirational concept in reality. Confidence is already living inside you, that it comes from loving your authentic and true self, that it comes from living it and doing it, that we need to do the hard stuff to build confidence and it is essential to grab ahold of our powerhouse gifts that we've been given and know that there is no one else out there like you. And remember, confidence is not a special gene that only some people have and others don't. It doesn't matter if you're an introvert or extrovert. It doesn't matter what a personality assessment says about you. Confidence is a skill that we all can learn that we all can work on, and if we work on those four things that I just shared with you ladies, you are going to be walking with boldness and living life confidently. Want to invite you in if you have zero energy to focus on yourself and need extra support and accountability for women who know what it's like to juggle crazy busy life that head on over to [inaudible] dot com and become unstoppable with us, or if you want to join a sisterhood dedicated to growing our faith, join our just breed Facebook group. Heads up on the next episode, we're going to start a series where we will talk all about living with peace. Thank you so much for joining me today. Please subscribe, share this episode link on your social media as we all know, someone that can benefit and I would love it if you would give some feedback and a review as well. Talk with you next time. Be fit, be fierce, be unstoppable. See ya.

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