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In this episode, you’ll learn…

  • The uncomfortable truth about why your relationships are going downhill (1:23)
  • How your stress subconsciously seeps into every aspect of your life and robs you of your joy (4:43)
  • The case against thinking positive (6:15)
  • Why hitting rock bottom should be celebrated (6:41)
  • Why living your life at 100mph is a surefire way to come up short of reaching your potential (11:12)
  • The rarely talked about but proven effective way to begin the healing process (11:38)
  • The subtle mindset shift needed to have a massive breakthrough in your life (13:49)

If you have zero energy to focus on yourself and need extra support and accountability from women who know what it’s like to juggle a crazy busy life, then go to https://befitandfierce.com and become unstoppable with us.

Or, if you want to join a sisterhood dedicated to growing our faith, join our Just Breathe Facebook Group.

Read Full Transcript

Hi there. I'm Jill Allen and this is find your fierce, the show designed for women to discover your fierce, unlock and unstoppable mindset. Build unbreakable courage and completely transform how you show up every single day. Each week I will bring ideas, methods and strategies that will inspire you to step into your greatness and live life on purpose. Let's be fit, fierce and unstoppable.

00:33 Hey there everyone. Thanks for joining me today. This is episode number seven of find your fierce. And today we're going to talk a little bit about survival mode. What that means are we in it? What does that look like and feel like and more importantly, how to get out of it and how to live a life where we truly thrive. So are you ready for this? Because here's the thing. I've been in survival mode a few times in my life more than a few times if we are being honest. And I think we all have it everywhere. I see, I see people that are living their lives like this. I mean I've, I've been guilty of it, but struggling to stay engaged and motivated in their careers, their jobs, eating well and exercising to stay healthy is like thrown out the window. Losing spiritual connections, losing their faith, the relationships are going downhill and why?

01:27 You know, guys, life is hard. I mean it's tough. I mean, let's be real. People can be difficult events outside of our control happen, you know, we're all going 90 miles an hour and super busy. Most people look at all the curve balls, life throws at us and we're just getting by. They're just getting by and on most days just getting by seems like the best option or it's definitely better than the alternative. But you know, up until the last few years, I know I was in survival mode just as much as the next person and I wasn't really where I wanted to be with my career. Family was going in all different directions. Not that that has changed much here, but you know, I was sliding back into eating trail mix every day for my meals because I chose to, I never slowed down. I was stagnant or at least I felt that way and it was fine.

02:24 You know, I told myself, you know, I had an amazing life, a rock solid husband, amazing kids, and I didn't have any life threatening illnesses. You know, I was healthy. Life's pretty darn good. It was fine, truly blessed. But I was going through the motions. I was on the treadmill to nowhere. I was in survival mode. And I don't know if you guys can relate or not. You're definitely in the right place because we're going to dive into this here today. But when you're in survival mode, you're just trying to get through the day. Survival mode means that there's really not a long term plan, not much vision. It's all about getting through the next 24 hours. You know, the end of the week feels like it's a long way off. And when you're stuck in survival mode, you feel like you'll never dig yourself out of this hole that you're in.

03:13 Okay? And when I looked up the definition of survival, okay, it actually says it's the state or fact of continuing to live or exist. Typically in spite of an accident or deal or difficult circumstances. So by definition, survival means just doing what it takes to get by to live, to exist. Okay. So we all know the feeling all too well. I mean, you know, everything's falling apart. I know we've all had those moments and you know, maybe there's a sudden loss in the family or you know, shocking news that kind of kicks you right back to this present moment. Very quick. Like, or you know, it could be the feeling of not knowing how you're going to cover the mortgage or the upcoming bills for this month or groceries for the family. Or maybe it's even putting gas in the car and you're just desperately praying for help.

04:04 I mean guys, that is called survival, you know, and I know a lot of us, we also know the other kind of survival. Okay. And this is one that I could really relate to is the slow burn, the steady climb of trying and trying and trying and not quite getting there. You know, I call it the, I got a strive addiction. You know, the feeling of overwhelming, how far you have to go, how much you have to do, how much is on your plate, you know, and quite frankly, you're wondering if, if and how you'll ever get there. Okay. And when I look at that or when I feel that, or when I remember being back in those moments, the stress was overwhelming. You're up at night, you have trouble sleeping, your heart beats rapidly, your blood pressure climbs. I mean you can't even think straight and then you, you try or you will yourself to calm down.

04:56 But it doesn't work and there is no joy. And your goal for the day is to avoid having a terrible day. Having a great day isn't even an option. So like everything is a reaction. You're never proactive, you're never one step ahead. You know, you bounce from response to response and which, I don't know, it leaves little room for excellence. Okay. I know a few episodes ago we talked about perfectionism and how everything is not good enough. But now we're talking about how everything is always just good enough. The complacency, just get me through this alive kind of talk. Okay. And when I look back in hindsight, you know, a few years ago, you know what, we had three kids, three and under. We had five kids under seven and a half years. You know, we were running on fumes. I think about the parenting trials or even just back to last year when the company I was with for 10 years just took a punk, you know, and the income was gone.

05:53 We took a hit, you know, I see. I now see, I see what those tough and those challenging times taught me, but in the heat of the fire, okay. And you might be in the heat right now. It doesn't feel good at all. I mean, the outlook is bleak. You feel terrible, you know, and we're unable to see. Pastor knows. And I totally get it. So today, I'm not going to tell you it's going to be okay because I don't know if it's going to be okay. I mean in, you know, in the way that you want it to be. Okay. You know, I'm not going to tell you to look on the bright side or you know, let's think positive. And I can bet that you're shocked because you know, that is how I approach life. But you may actually be in a spot where you need to feel your pain first.

06:38 You know, and I'm not going to tell you it's only going to get better because you know, sometimes it has to get worse first, right? We have to hit rock bottom. We have to be at a moment where we are able to say, okay, this is it. Okay. And I want to thrive. I want to get back up, okay? And that sometimes happens. But what I am going to do, I'm going to show you how you can come up out of survival mode and what, you know, the ways that I've been able to bounce back and thrive. Because here's the thing, you're smart, you're strong, you're fierce. And yes, I'm going to have to say it. You're unstoppable. And at some point when you begin to make some of these shifts in your life and get through these challenging times, you will begin to thrive.

07:20 Okay? The one day the things will be brighter than you've ever imagined. You're going to be stronger, wiser, more abundant in every way. Now that's not to say that survival isn't needed in, in a lot of situations. I mean, if you're in dire financial straits here, you know, you and a family member, they're dealing with a maybe an illness or you and I unexpectedly got laid off from your job. I mean in these situations, I know just making it through the day might be all you can hope for at that given moment. But let me ask you, what if there could be more, what if there is more for you? What if you are made for more? What if you could truly thrive? All I gotta say is staying in survival mode. It can't be an option anymore. It can't be the choice that we choose.

08:10 So after some time of, you know, and I don't, I don't know if he was even years. I mean it was a lot of time of simply surviving the chaos and you could call it a season. We all have seasons in our life, but I realized that fine, okay. You know, we all joke, you know, when the lady says, Oh, everything's fine. Okay, it's really not fine. But when I realized that fine wasn't good enough anymore, that it wasn't good enough for me. It wasn't good enough for my family that going through the motions that it wasn't for me. Okay. That's not who I was. Surviving keeps us where we are, but it doesn't help us get where we want to be. We have so much potential and there is no room for complacency anymore. Okay. So have you ever had a moment where you thought to yourself, I can do more than this.

09:06 I can add value, I can contribute more to my church, my family, my company, my community. I can be a better wife. I can be a sister friend. You know, to all of those thoughts. I said, yes, I was raising my hand. I could be better. I could be more. This is what moving from surviving to thriving is all about. It's about coming to terms with the fact that doing what is fine is not enough. If we truly want to thrive in all aspects of our lives, you know, if we want to have better career, stronger relationships, if we want to have healthy fit in theorists, bodies, if we want to have closer relationships with God, survival will never get us there. And the only way to get us there is to choose to thrive instead of just merely surviving. So we gotta decide to stop surviving and start thriving today.

10:00 And so here is how you can start doing that. I'm going to share some things with you here. Okay, so one, face it and let those feelings out. Face your challenges, whatever storm that you're in, the chaos. I want you to acknowledge it. I don't want us to deny any more. Denial isn't acceptable. I mean the first step toward exiting survival mode, I mean it's a good acknowledging that it's happening, that it's real. Okay. And we gotta begin to tell herself like, this is not normal. It's not sustainable. It's making everything worse. And then we need to begin to make the shift. Because if you're in survival mode, okay, recognizing it, owning it, paying attention to the damage that it's doing to you and how it's impacting living your life and thrive mode, guys, things aren't going to magically get shifted. They're not going to get magically managed.

10:52 I mean, you have to intentionally dig yourself out, denying or hiding the reality just makes it worse. So dig into your day, your feelings, become self aware. Create some space with yourself and take some time to really go there. The pain, the shock, maybe it's your striving addiction. Sit quietly with yourself, your Bible, your devotion slowed down enough so that you can really listen as to what the Lord is trying to tell you. Okay? That's a challenge for me. We've got to slow down so we can actually listen. Grab your journal if you need to and make some space for your feelings to be heard. Acknowledge it and release it. Okay, so any anxiety or overwhelmed the feelings make space in the time for your innermost emotions to come out? I think back, I'm going to tell you it's okay to cry. Okay. It's not a sign of weakness.

11:42 Crying is actually, it's a healing tool. I mean it's incredibly healing and it will shift your energy. It'll shift your vibration fast. Okay. I remember the times, I just have to have a good in my closet. Okay. So if I feel like I'm hanging on, that's a good thing. You know, I'm at my breaking point if I'm doing that. So a lot of times it's like a wake up call and a reality check that something needs to change and it helps shift my energy, my focus, my perspective, and the rest of the day can actually be rocked out because we faced it and we let those feelings out to focus on today and simplify. I know you're probably thinking that is all I can focus on anyway. Right. Wanting and just needed to get through my day. Remember we're in survival mode, so no problem, but stick with me here.

12:28 When I say focus on today and simplify, because when it's a super-intense time of survival for you, and it's going to be different for everybody, but take it one day at a time. Don't try to think beyond today. If you've listened to my past episodes and you know who I am, I'm all about dreaming. I'm all about going after what it is that you want and challenging and pushing yourself. But when you're just hanging on by a thread, we got to come back to the present moment and ask yourself, what is it that I can do today? What is it that I can do right now? So forget the big vision. Forget the future. Come right back to today, right now, this moment, and take a deep breath, meditation, yoga, a good walk or run prayer, sometimes spent with the Lord. I mean it will help make the shift.

13:18 Also, I got to add this in there. When you're in survival mode, it comes as no shock that it consumes us, our time, our energy, and it takes up so much valuable Headspace and energy. It's time to simplify. So what is it that you can let go of, cut back on? What is it that is draining your energy and mindset? We need to simplify so we can actually create the space and time to do the inner work for you to be able to get on your true God-given path, three C times of survival as a time of personal growth, a learning experience, and that is just part of the journey. Think about it like this. You were getting ready for a massive breakthrough. If we can make this shift, if we can change our thinking, if we can look at it from a completely different perspective.

14:12 Ladies, you are getting ready for a breakthrough. You're building the foundation, your soul, your heart, you know, it's expanding big time right now. So what is it that you're learning? Some of the missing pieces I learned during survival mode, I look back and I really think it all led to this. It all led to the fact that when I was in survival mode, I needed to learn to surrender work on my faith and trust. And of course I'm still working on this daily. You know, I'm definitely a work in progress for sure, but running myself ragged wrestling with my striving addiction, merely surviving, forced to simplify dressed and to grow spiritually. I mean it has been a game changer. I am thankful for those moments. It allowed me to trust and have stronger faith, you know, trust that what you are experiencing right now is absolutely what is needed and what is essential, what is perfect for your growth.

15:12 You know, the lessons you have learned are going to make you stronger, wiser. They're going to make us more capable moving forwards and to have faith that this is exactly where you need to be and whatever is going on in your life right now that it's happening for you and your highest good. So how do you have faith? You know, that's a question that I have wrestled with quite often and I dive down in deep, you know, to try to figure it all out. But in a sentence, I mean I'm thinking it's just to develop a connection with our Lord. Handover your worries, pray and ask for help. Ask for support. Ask for clarity, ask for rest. Ask for grace. We actually have a Facebook group called just breathe so you can join us. As we all grow in our faith in that sisterhood, it's absolutely amazing.

16:00 I definitely want to invite you in on that, but to recap here, once you have faced the storm released emotions, the stress, the anxiety, once you've simplified your days and you and you get back to the present moment to focus on what you can do right now and that you've reignited your faith and trust that everything is going to work out and that there is a greater plan for you, then it's time to look forwards. I mean, it's time to thrive. We're going to find calm in the chaos. We're going to decide to hop off the survival mode bus, take action and dig ourselves out of this hole. We're going to take every situation. Imagine the best that can happen and focus. We need to focus on all the abundance in your life right now and be grateful for that. You know what is going to bring more of in your life and you will begin to thrive.

16:50 We have women on this live and thrive mission over here and fit in fear. So if you have zero extra time to go to the gym, you don't have time or energy to it. Meal plan and hate dieting. You don't want to count calories or restrict what you eat. You're not sure where to start or if you are just wanting to kick it up a notch with the support and accountability from women who get what it's like to juggle crazy busy life. I want to invite you to be fit in fierce.com so you can be on this unstoppable journey with us. It's the fit and fierce.com heads up on the next episode. It's all about who you are hanging around. Are you hanging around the wrong people? Tune in next week. Thanks so much for joining me today. Please subscribe. Share this episode link on your social media as we all know, someone that can benefit and I would love it if you would give some feedback and a review as well. Talk with you next time. Be fit. Be fierce, be unstoppable. See ya.

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