Hi there, I'm Jill Allen and this is find your fierce, the show designed for women to discover your fierce, unlock and unstoppable mindset. Build unbreakable courage and completely transform how you show up every single day. Each week I will bring ideas, methods, and strategies that will inspire you to step into your greatness and live life on purpose. Let's be fit, fierce and unstoppable.
00:33 Hey there everyone. How are you? I tell you what, this episode is so needed. I actually think we could do a series on this one. It really fueled me to think about where I am in my life, who I am and who I want to become. And it prompted me to dig down deep myself. So I'm excited to share what I've come up with and pass it along to you. Because I mean, think about this. The temptation to compare is as near as your next text notification or a chat with a friend or the trip to the store, checking in on Facebook. And whether we come out on top or we come up lacking, there is simply no win in comparison. It's a trap. I'm telling you, it's a trap that I have fallen victim to, I have been guilty of and I see it destroying true potential in the way it holds people back from living their best life.
01:25 And I see it every single day. So we're going to dive in the me versus the world mentality, what it looks like, what it feels like to be in comparison mode, and also how we can dig ourselves out of that trap by creating and defining our own success. So I'm pretty excited. I'm fired up. So let me start off by asking you what does success mean to you? What does it look like for you? Feel like for you? What is your definition of success? How do you define it? The number one reason most people don't succeed is that they don't take the time to define what they want. And I know we talked about this in a prior episode. I actually, I think it was the first episode about, you know, discovering your why and creating that new reality. But one of the most important things for you is to know exactly what it is that you want and why you want it.
02:18 And so what does success look like for you? Okay, deep down in your heart, what does it feel like if, I mean, if you don't know what happens is you attract confusion, a attract chaos. We look side to side. We may often feel lost or feeling like we're behind sad, possibly MBS, depressed, not feeling good enough, not worthy enough that we're not stacking up or thinking that success may not even be possible for you, but most of the time we haven't slowed down enough to truly create our own definition of success. So what would that be for you? What's your definition? I mean, is it time for you to create it or better yet redefine what success means to you? Because I can tell you one thing, success is not what others tell you it is. It's what you say it is for yourself. If you believe success is what everyone else says it is, you're always going to miss the target.
03:22 And when you do achieve someone else's version of success, it's not going to mean as much to you. I remember being caught up in this leadership advancement in a company that I was with trying to keep up or get ahead. The rankings, the titles, the pressure, and it was not a good time for me or anyone else around me. It was as if I was not a success if I did not advance. And I remember I was crying in my closet actually quite often, looking back, who knows what I was thinking. I certainly chalk it up to a learning experience, but it sucked the life out of me. So I had to do some reevaluating on my life and get back to who and what I truly stood for, who I was, who I wanted to be, who I was created to be. And that version of success was not it.
04:17 It was not aligned with who I truly was. So succeeding requires giving up other people's belief around success. Forget about what other people think about what success is. And we got to stop comparing ourselves to that. So some people think, I don't know. Some people think success is defined as having tons of money. Fame, fortune, that success is having material items, maybe 15% body fat wearing a size zero. That number on the scale. It could be the house, the car, it could be raising a wonderful family. The reality is that success is defined in many ways, but it must come from within you, right to motivate true success on your terms. So by understanding and valuing who you are and why you desire success, it's easier to tap into your true value by becoming more aware of your strengths, your skills, and your God given gifts.
05:14 Am I right? Defining your own success means knowing why you want it. For example, when you say, I want success or I want to be successful, what does that mean? What do you truly want? What does that mean and look like for you? Lately we've had these talks with our family of what a successful basketball season means of successful baseball season means what defines a successful athlete student? I know our oldest son, he started a business at the age of 15 and we have these conversations of what does a successful business look like? Not just to the world, but what does it look like for him? You know, without getting caught up in the world's expectations, you know, with my clients, we talk about what a successful fitness journey looks like for them. Success is what, how do you define that? How we view success and our access is two.
06:03 It is often limited by someone else's definition and we feel bad when we haven't measured up to an external standard. I mean, in doing so, here's the thing, we Rob ourselves, have the opportunity to define and appreciate our own unique experiences, our own unique gifts and how we can impact our lives and others for the better. Okay, so the meaning of success is different for each person. You may not fit into other people's definition of success, but you can give yourself permission to be okay with that. Success is an individual concept and here's the exciting part. You get to define and design your own success, which will become the blueprint for how you follow through your life. Developing your own success blueprint also means that you get to create success on your terms and if you are anything like me and have wrestled with what success means to you, it's time to actually take control of that narrative and determine what it means for you, right?
07:02 Let's think about our relationships, our health, our parenting, our careers, and our professional achievements, our material possessions, and our happiness. Are you in comparison mode with any of these areas? Are you in that trap? Let's take our relationships. Okay. What does a successful relationship look like to you? Instead of comparing your relationship with the couple next door, what is the value of yours? How do you both contribute to make life better? A successful relationship is one best defined by you and your spouse or you and your partner. Okay. Think about parenting. Everyone has an opinion on that one, right? What it means to be a successful parent makes me chuckle. I mean, how many times have we compared ourselves to the other moms out there or compare our kids to other kids? Guys, we had great fruit cereal and we were eating out of the ice cream tub at 9:15 last night after a late night basketball game, but it works.
07:59 Just the other day I shared a story about how I lost it one day with the kids and I don't know, you could call it a, I was a hot mess. Okay. And they told me, they always thought I was super mom, but I am. I am in my own way. And so are you. We all are. And sometimes we have this idea of what a successful parent looks like, how our family should be based on the world's expectations. But what about just realizing that the love we give and the commitment we have to our family matters most, especially when it comes to being a successful parent and how we do that varies. And you get to determine what that means to you and your family, our careers, our professional achievements. I can bet you right now that you've worked really hard to get to where you currently are, but maybe sometimes you feel you haven't achieved much or you think you should be farther along than are right now in life, maybe your friends colleagues are moving up, but here you are comparing apples to oranges, which actually is the problem, right?
09:03 Because you're comparing in the first place. But think of the magnitude of what you have already achieved. We often lose sight of our wins and our impacts of our day to day. Take the time to be grateful and celebrate your wins, your journey, and the impact that you do make each and every day. What about the material things, right? It can be for sure enticing motivation for working hard, but if you are trying to keep up with the Joneses, ask yourself, why are you competing in the first place? You better be getting the things because you enjoy them rather than to compete with others. And I think the most important part in all of this is what about the happiness in all of this? Where does that come into play? What about your sanity, your peace. And I get it. It's all subjective. And, and what makes one person happy may not satisfy the next but consider your overall happiness as a non negotiable of your success.
09:58 When determining whether you are successful, ask yourself whether or not you're happy. You know, when I was crying in my closet as I was chasing someone else's version of success, something needed to change. And that was my perspective. What I was ingesting, reading, who I was surrounding myself with, who and what was influencing me, what and who I was listening to, what my belief of what success was. My definition of success guys, you know, to be honest, I had to start working on my journey when it comes to faith. Okay. And so I did a total revamp, a life revamp, and I got back to what mattered the most when it's doing more harm, making you feel poorly about yourself or taking you down a path, you know, deep down that you should not be on fighting for success should be like making you better, helping you up level and the journey of becoming the best you.
10:53 And a better you. So if that's not doing it for you guys, it is time to re define because success is truly a function of how you define it. Whatever the next person is doing, really it's none of your business. It's none of my business. Instead of comparing and contrasting your wins against others, focus on finding the light in your own life and success will no doubt illuminate it. Okay? So to go along with your new definition of success, we need to create a you versus you mentality. I know the fit and fierce gang hear me say all of the time, it's you versus you every single day. So what matters is how you show up today. Period. Your only focus should be how you can become better today than you were yesterday to be your yesterday self. The only competition you have out there is you, the person you see looking in that mirror every single day.
11:53 And I get it. There's not a single person on this earth who hasn't compared and looked at someone else and thought, man, if I would be so much happier if or if I had that or if I did that right. Do you look at others losing that weight, rocking out the burpees, running an eight minute mile looking lean and unstoppable and feel that it's not possible for you? All your insecurity start coming out and your self confidence drops to a new low where it stops you from even moving forward. Let me remind you that comparison is the thief of joy. Those were wise words from Theodore Roosevelt, but what you need right now is your own success goals and a plan that works for you. You know there's this fire that I know that's burning inside of you, but we cannot allow comparison to cause us to question our own self worth and happiness because we're able to see into, gosh, this is so real because we're able to see into people's edited lives from practically anywhere in the world, thanks to social media.
12:53 It can feel suffocating. It can even feel stagnating. It feels like you're looking at a giant billboard of everything. You're not okay. We live in a world where everyone is sharing one perfect second of their imperfect day and we're interpreting that perfect second as a life of perfection and a life of success. However, the reality is much different. They are living in a hot mess world just like the rest of us. So we need to compare yourself to who you were yesterday, not someone else's highlight reel, okay? Because the thing is you're never going to hear anyone bragging about their struggles. The people who seem to have it all together, all the time, experienced failure every single day. And if you actually knew how often they have fallen and had to pick themselves back up, you'd probably realize that we're all pretty similar, okay? We walk the same walk and so the only comparison you should be making is with the person you were yesterday.
13:56 So put your blinders on, stop looking side to side and lock in what's ahead for you. Find something that gives you passion and a sense of purpose. You possess capabilities and characteristics that the next person does. Not so don't deprive the world of the incredible person that you already are by trying to compete with another. You are the only you and to be anyone else you would be second best. We need to be grateful for the gifts you've been given and be on a mission to use them to impact the world. Just work on being a better you every single day. I know we covered a lot of ground here today, but to simplify all of this one, we ought to define and redefine what success truly means to you to stop comparing yourself to others as we would always be. Second best and fully allow ourselves to be who God truly wants us to be.
14:49 To sum it up, comparison is the fastest way to take the fun out of life. And three, it is a you versus you mentality every day. Show up as that woman, so to help you with that you versus your journey. If you have zero extra time to go to the gym, you don't have the time or energy to meal-plan and hate dieting. You don't want to count calories or restrict what you eat or not sure where to start. Or if you, why don't you just kick it up a notch with the support and accountability from women who get what it's like to juggle a crazy busy life. Then head over to beef and fierce.com so you can be on this unstoppable journey with us. Head over to beef and fierce.com now heads up on the next episode we're going to talk about guilt and shame and how that leads to perfectionism. And the best part we will discuss ways to overcome perfectionism and what we can do about it so we can truly thrive. Thanks so much for joining me today. Please subscribe. Share this episode link on your social media as we all know, someone that can benefit and I would love it if you would give some feedback rate and review as well. Talk with you next time. Be fit. The fierce, the unstoppable. See ya.