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Have you ever had the feeling that your business is taking over your life? You’re successful, but sometimes it seems that it may be costing you your relationships. Your kids are growing up faster than you can believe, and your spouse wishes they had more time with you.

In this episode, Kyle Miller discusses the way he balances his work and family life, the most important attributes you can possess to get ahead and changes you can make to get yourself unstuck.

Show Highlights Include:

  • Stop wasting your life chasing deals. Do this instead. (1:10)
  • If you don’t possess this life-changing attribute, you’re going to fail (6:10)
  • Stuck in a rut? Change this one thing to break free. (10:05)
  • Why being selfish makes you a better person (11:20)
  • Invest this way to stop losing money (15:05)

Are you picking up what Jonathan’s laying down? Then go to wherever you listen to podcasts, subscribe to the show, and leave a 5-star review.

Read Full Transcript

No don't go in there, Daddy's working.

Yes, yes, y'all. It is another edition of the Daddy's Working Podcast. If you were listening last week, then you heard part one of the interview and I left you hanging. Gosh, I'm such a tease. But we're here. And we're ready to rock and roll. So let's dive back into part two of the interview.

Jonathan: Let's go down the other path now because you talked a little bit about being present. You've run hundreds of deals and I mean, people I know in real estate, like here locally not when we're talking about the DM Family, they're answering the phone constantly, oh I gotta get on the phone and do this deal or whatever it is. How do you find harmony between your work life and your family life so that you can be present for your family? [0:01:09.6]

Kyle: Because I know there's another deal coming. There's more deals coming. I think the people who get caught up like that, they're scared that they're not going to get another one. You know? If the deal doesn’t work out, the deal doesn’t work out. If it doesn’t work for me, it doesn’t work for me. We'll move on. Next. There's literally, I guess from the beginning to where I am now, I'm not scared that I'm not going to find another deal. I know how to find deals. So I'm not, you know, it's not that I have to be on the phone all the time. I hired a girl that takes the calls and calls everybody back. I follow up with her and make sure that's getting done. Boom. Are you getting the calls out, are we getting contracts in, are we doing this? But I guess, it just, I'm not scared. I guess I'm not playing scared on that. I just know it's coming. I know my abilities to be able to find the next deal so it just happens.

Jonathan: How did you get so confident in those abilities? [0:01:56.8]

Kyle: Because I've thought about not being confident in those abilities and I said, you know, I can do this and I did it. So I did that a couple of times. So it's not like I've had this confidence, you know like, shit - I can do it all. It's not like I've had it the whole time. I've gone through those walls of going, oh man - can I do it, can I do it, can I do it? And it's come through. So it's just like, yes, you can do it. Anytime anything comes across, yes, you can do it. Yes, you can do it. For this call, this meeting, that's one of the reasons why it took so long is because I was, I don't know, can I do it - can I talk to them, can I provide any value to anybody, I don't know. You know? And I was just, I just came up with, yes, Kyle, you can do it. Somebody knows your method, is going to connect with your message and help somebody. So just do it. It also helps me get over some fears, get over some things that I'm holding down deep inside. And just push. Just go.

Jonathan: Is that something, and I'll tell you, I'll give you an example. Before I had my first, well my only child, my first… and he will be the only child. We adopted and so it was a long process, 3 years actually it took us from when we started to when he came home with us. I had some time to think, unlike other parents who just find out they're pregnant. [0:03:14.9]

I had some time to think and I'm like alright, this is going to be the biggest undertaking of my life, so I got to… I got to do some things to get ready. So I went skydiving to scare the hell out of myself. I was deathly afraid of water, so what did I do? Go get scuba diving certified for like two days. I mean, is there .. what do you do to prepare yourself? For example, you're in this interview right now and you said you were fearful. Like what are some of the other things you do to push yourself into that fear so that you can accomplish something? Can you give us some stories or examples?

Kyle: Well I mean, just continue to go, what's the…like you said earlier, what's the worst that can happen? So, I bit off more than I can chew on a deal here recently and I lost some money on it and it happened. I was kind of scared of the deal and I didn't do my numbers. It ballooned over, it ballooned to be higher expenses and you just got into it and got into it and then it's a $700,000 house and then so you're not dealing with just what kind of pulls from Lowes. [0:04:14.7]

You're dealing with gold trim pole light. It's just a bunch of different stuff. So I realized I don’t want to do that anymore but just overcoming that, just going I can do it. Getting into real estate and buying that first flip, I was … I think I was shaking so bad at the closing table, I remember, it was …I was sitting there shaking and I could barely even write my name. I think the closing lady was laughing at me because it was… she must have been like the craziest …because that was the first house I ever bought was that investment, that flip house. I never bought a house before in my life and so now I'm sinking, I think the total investment was $130,000. Like I said, I made 17 that year, so it was…it's a big chunk and so I'm shaking like a leaf doing this and my heart is pounding. I could feel it - my heart was pounding in my chest. [0:05:01.3]

Walk out, sit in the car and go what the hell did I just do and can't stop now. There's no stop - you got to go. I think that's the thing for me. I just say you can't stop it. You just got to keep on doing, you know, OCS when I was in the National Guard and that was actually probably the hardest. College football, everything else that I've ever done in my life, that was probably the most grueling because it was a, the program was over 18 months and you went on the weekends but it was over 18 months long and that was probably the most grueling mental thing that I've ever gone through on that aspect of it because it was every weekend and I was also dealing with civilian life and then it was also going to military life every single day so the switch is coming on, coming off, coming on, coming off, dealing with people, dealing with everything and there were times in there I was just like jeez, this…it was not hard. It was just taxing, very taxing to just keep going and keep going, keep going. I think we started with, my group started with 64 to start that and I think we ended it with like 8. [0:06:08.0]

Jonathan: Wow, really?

Kyle: Yeah. So it wasn’t a lot. There was a lot of people falling out. Lots of running, lots …just different thing but it was, the physical aspect of it was easy. It was just the mental aspect of it.

Jonathan: Let's talk about that. That's actually one of my favorite subjects. So how important is mental toughness to you?

Kyle: I think it's everything. I think if you didn't have anything else and you just had mental toughness, I think that, you can accomplish anything. So my dad, I think I was in 11th grade, no not 11th grade, 9th grade, 9th grade or 10th grade, one of the two - I don’t remember. But it was 9th or 10th because it was before I was driving and sometimes he would make lunches and so he threw a… he made a lunch for me when I was…and he threw a note in the lunch, a little yellow sticky note, I don't know…the little 2 x 2s or 1 x, you know, something like this, something, you know like 2 x 2 or 2.5 x 2.5, something like that…and on that note, he said to me and I'll never forget it, "Tough times go away. Tough people don’t." And so, that's just kind of been like my motto, right - tough times go away, tough people don’t. And so I just keep pushing. I get emotional just talking about it. [0:07:20.4]

Jonathan: I love that. Boy, that's a quotable that we have to use for this show, "Tough times go away. Tough people don’t." And let's talk about this a little bit deeper, man. So obviously your dad was a good influence there on the mental toughness, but how have you cultivated your mental toughness? What are you doing today to make yourself more mentally resilient and tougher?

Kyle: Well, I'm always trying to expand. I'm always trying to learn from different people, always trying to…doing the hard things. Recently we just did a, in the group, we just did a weight loss competition, right. And I lost 20 pounds in like 32 days or something like that. And so, and that was just, that was all diet. There was no…

Jonathan: How do you feel?

Kyle: I feel great. I was sitting at about …I started at 198. I finished at 178 but I feel great. I'm hovering about 180 right now and I love it. I needed that, you know, and just, it was miserable for those 30 days but I just pushed through and did it, but having those accountability things, having the things, and I struggle with this sometimes. I feel like I get a lot stuff done but I feel like I could do more. I always feel like…with the work out, with the eating, with all of that stuff. So I mean, I maybe not be the best person to shed light on that, but I'm always, I'm always looking to do more with it.

Jonathan: How about the environment? This is…and I don’t know if you did it, but obviously, you and I just met at the last DM event and I went there at a very low point. That quarter was a very low point, closing that quarter and I was feeling terrible and it was because I went out of what I normally do. Like you're saying, mental toughness, you've got to get out of your comfort zone and so for that last quarter, getting out of my comfort zone was saying yes to everything, when I'm usually a "no" guy and try to stay right with what I'm good at. [0:09:08.4]

I said "yes" to everything. So I showed up there burnt out, beat up, feeling bad, and knowing that I needed to uplift my environment and that's one of the reasons that I joined the DM family at that moment, was I needed a new environment. How important is environment, getting around the right people, to your success?

Kyle: Well I think that's key and I feel like I've always been blessed with that. My family has always been supportive in everything that I've ever wanted to do and they've told me to just go out and get it. You know? They've never said, "You can't do that," or anything. They've always been like, "What do you need? I'll help you." And it's always been like that. So don’t feel like I've gone through struggles, but I get around people who started talking and they were very negative and I just, I cut them out of my life as quickly as possible. I really do and they're done. And I, you know, I might say "hi" to them, but I'm never hanging out with them. I'm not calling. I don’t want to hear that stuff. [0:10:04.5]

I cut that stuff out of my head. I don’t need it and I'm always listening to positive stuff. I'm always listening to Tony Robbins, Zig Zigglar, Les Brown who is coaching football. I'm always listening to those guys, always trying to keep positive things in my head. I'm always listening to like come back stories. I'm always listening to things that are inspirational, from people overcoming different things. So I get like…I'm always that sports guy. I'm always that want to have, you know, want to win, want to do that kind of stuff. So those comeback stories are really, I really get a strong pull from them. It really gets me going, like, here we go. I always like being the underdog. I like winning, coming back from that.

Jonathan: Yeah, yeah. I feel that, brother. So, let's talk about environment just a little. Actually, we're going to change gears. I'm going to tell you that when I went and met all you guys and killed everybody in the shot gun competition, that was uplifting, but you want to know the biggest thing I pulled - I mean, it was cool to meet everybody and get to bond and all that, but it was when a couple of you guys told me about 75 Hard. [0:11:11.7]

Kyle: Yeah.

Jonathan: And I was like, what? What? 75 Hard? That sounds impossible. I'm going to do that. And I ended up, and this is the first time I've done this in my life. It's the strangest thing. I've never tried this before. I ended up leaving there and saying, alright. I'm going into a new quarter and this quarter, I'm focusing on one thing. I'm going to be a selfish little pig and focus on myself, focus on my fitness and the only thing that I have to accomplish this quarter is 75 Hard. So I did 75 Hard and I found that not only did my body feel better…

Kyle: Yeah.

Jonathan: …but my mind was in a new place and I actually had the best quarter of my life. Now, I don't know if that was from all the work of saying "yes" for that last quarter and the lag or if it was the newfound clarity that I had. So with you talking about physical fitness and you were going to be a strength coach and all that, how does taking care of your body play into the rest of your life? [0:12:11.9]

Kyle: You've got to have energy. I mean, that's the main thing. We have to have energy to go. If we're sluggish, if we're just laying around and not eating the right food and not getting what your body needs, then you're just going to be blow. You're not going to have the mental capacity to do what you need to do or do a 12-hour day, a 16-hour day, and keep going and then have a positive attitude about the whole thing. You're going to feel tired. Who wants to be around somebody who's always tired? Nobody. Right? I don’t want to be in business with that guy. I don’t want to "ohhh man, I'm just so tired." No. So I think fitness and well here's the other thing - you want to do business with somebody who's just kind of, it doesn’t look like they take care of themselves? I'm going to just be honest, I'll put it out…

Jonathan: What are you saying? We judge people by their covers, huh?

Kyle: No, I…you know, I don’t…yes, I mean, it happens. It's life. Everybody gets judged. It's just life. I mean, you can't tell me that somebody out there doesn’t look at somebody and go, they automatically think of somebody else in their life that they've connected with or that they've had experiences with and put judgment on somebody else. [0:13:13.7]

It happens. It definitely does. So, if somebody is like out of shape, I mean, and slow…unless they have something that I know that they want, but if I'm just meeting them, I am really not, you know, I'll give them a talk but they've got to earn it. Like there's not…I don't know, it's just me. You're not saying anything, but you're laughing. I don't know. I don't know if you're the same but I feel that way. It's like, okay, but if somebody comes up to me and they're sharp dressed and they're ….they look like they're in shape and they're good to go or you know, they look like, I'm like oh man, what's this guy doing, you know? Because I connect with that because that's how I like to be. I like to be in shape and working out or doing athletic events. So you know, I connect with those type of people. So it's just how I feel it works. I mean, that's how life works. It's not that I don’t judge them, I don’t think that they're a good person or anything. I'm not judging that. I just think…it's that automatic connection. You know what I mean? [0:14:06.6]

Jonathan: Dude, I will tell you that there is something magnetic about it and I'm not just saying that, I'm not just echoing what you said, but I have noticed it with my sales calls and with my, with everything I'm doing. When you have that fitness, when you have that focus, when you have that energy, there's something magnetic and attractive about you that people want to be around you. That's why I've become obsessed. You know, I'm on round two of 75 Hard and I'm just…it's my new life. I don’t want to live any other way and that's it because there…it's in our genetics, right. Because if this person looks like they're taking care of themselves, they can take care of you too and if that's what you need.

Kyle: I mean, we're going back to you know, survival instincts.

Jonathan: Right.

Kyle: That are ingrained in our brains. We don’t think about this stuff consciously. It just happens.

Jonathan: Yeah, that's so funny. Well man, so look, we're coming towards the end. We have talked about family. We have talked about faith. We have talked about fitness. How do you take care of your finances? What do you do to protect your finances, grow your finances? How do you think about finances? [0:15:11.7]

Kyle: I always want to put them in, you know, safe assets and what I call safe is something that I know. That's what I think is safe. It's something that I'm well versed in and I know the ends and ups and downs of everything. I don’t have any money in the stock market. I don’t know the stock market.

Jonathan: Lucky you. We're getting hammered right now.

Kyle: I don’t know it and so I just stay out of it. I don’t, I guess I don’t have anybody else that I can like really go to at this point in time that I completely trust. I heard people killing it in the stock market, and like Ray Dalio, but I can't, I don’t have the funds to be in his group. I don’t think he's accepting new clients anyway. But what I do with finances is I invest in things that I know and that's what I do. I think it's simple, you know. I got to keep it simple. I'm not a very smart guy. Right? I got to keep it simple. I've got to know what I know, do what I know and just continue to keep doing it. Buy. Buy right properties, you know, invest in that. So that's what I do. [0:16:07.0]

Jonathan: So what I've figured out and I guess I got to do a disclaimer here - I'm not giving financial advice, just to be clear. I found one asset class, that gives me returns that's better than anything else out there, that is better than anything else I've ever seen and I'm talking like thousands percent ROI and I'm wondering what you think about this, but the best investment class that I have ever seen is investing in myself. How do you feel about that?

Kyle: Oh, absolutely. Absolutely. So you know, the group that we're in, right, that's a decent check. Out of that group, 10 times that number, at least, that will come this year, just from things that I learn out of that group.

Jonathan: Yeah. The way that I think about it and this is, I've talked about this on the show before, and it's funny that you had brought it up earlier is like if I do think about if I lost everything today…in fact, it was that episode just aired, Champs Versus Chumps . If I lost everything today, what would happen? [0:17:05.6]

And I said when I was recording that that I could rebuild it in six months and frankly, today, right now as I'm sitting here in front of you, I think six months - that's too damn long - three month, like three months and it's all because of the people I know, the folks out there that I'm connected with because of investing in myself, investing in masterminds, investing in my environment, the people I know that I can pick up the phone and call and start doing deals, I might be better off if I did lose everything today - knock on wood, don’t want that.

Kyle: You know, it's a great comeback story, but I don’t want it to happen.

Jonathan: Right, right, right. It sounds awesome, but no thanks. Done it once. Don’t want to do it again.

Kyle: Yeah, exactly.

Jonathan: Cool, man. Is there anything that maybe you wanted to talk about that we didn't rap about?

Kyle: No. You know, I think my kids, man, I just have a blast with them. I think, you know, the business is great and life in general but those guys, my two little boys, they are just a blast. I absolutely love hanging out with them. I love doing things with them. Like I said, I have a 48-acre farm. I bought an 1880, built in 1880 farm house.

Jonathan: Oh, wow. [0:18:13.3]

Kyle: I've gone in and renovated and so I have some barns and I got, you know, some other outbuildings and stuff. I've got a silo on the property that I'm going to try to turn into like an Air BNB and I think…

Jonathan: Really?

Kyle: Yeah and so I just love spending time with them and being able to be present in those moments because man, those moments fly by. They go by so quick and I have got an 8 and a 5 and it just feels like yesterday I was in the hospital with both of them.

Jonathan: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm with you with that as far as designing the life. And we haven’t talked about this, but I want to share this for the listeners. During that time where I said I'm going to be selfish and just do 75 Hard and take care of me? What I realized was I started taking care of everything else better because I was so aware of my time. One of the things I do now and people look at me, you know, they give me the stink eye when I tell them I have this thing that's called mornings are for family and I don’t start work until 11 because I've got to get up and take care of my fitness. I've got to do my morning routine with the boy and then I got to go take him to school and have breakfast with the wife. Mornings are for family. I'm going to be a selfish AF because those are the things that if I die tomorrow, I lived today. [0:19:21.4]

Kyle: Yeah.

Jonathan: And so, I'm with you. I don’t want to miss one second of that and I don’t have to because I've designed this business, just much like you have. You've designed a business where you actually have a life.

Kyle: Yeah.

Jonathan: So I appreciate that. I have an important question for you, as we're closing this out. So how do you feel? Was it as bad as you thought it would be?

Kyle: No. It was actually fun.

Jonathan: Alright. Alright. Alright.

Kyle: It was fun. I appreciate it.

Jonathan: Not going to be afraid, brother. So if people are looking to find out more about Kyle Miller, where can they go?

Kyle: They can just…Facebook, Kyle Miller, look up Kyle Miller in Charlottesville, Virginia. They can check me out there. Instagram @KyleMillerREInvestor.

Jonathan: I'm going to look you up. I'm on IG all the time. Kyle Miller, RE investor; Kyle Miller on Facebook. Yes, sir. Yes, sir. Thank you for being here. That is a wrap for another Daddy's Working Podcast. Thank you, dadpreneurs for tuning in. We'll be back in your ear buds next time.

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