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If you’re a fan of ‘The Secret’ – and you’re perfectly content wishing your life away – this one’s not going to be for you. Run away.

But for the rest of you…

This episode is all about why you’ve been sold a big fat LIE. And why the law of reciprocity is a bunch of malarkey. People think we should all be treated equally. That we should all be treated fair. I call B.S.

Check this out – the truth is that you reap what you sow. And if you’re not sowing, then you shouldn’t be reaping. That’s the way it should be.

Some of us make bigger impacts, bigger contributions, and as a result, make more money because of it. So if you’re part of the ‘not fair’ police, this one isn’t for you.

But if you’re still with us, today, we’re dropping knowledge bombs as to why ‘free’ is the new expensive, and why it’s a cardinal SIN to give and expect something in return.

Show Highlights Include:

  • It’s Not Fair! But what is fairness? (2:35)
  • The Freebie Philosophy: Why giving away your best stuff is wrong and stupid (3:15)
  • How to make customers earn YOUR value (3:40)
  • How lowering your expectations makes you happier (8:20)
  • A critical business lesson from A Red Hot Chili Pepper Riff (11:00)
  • Is ‘free’ the new expensive? (13:00)
  • The ‘look, can’t touch’ strategy for providing the highest level of value for your prospects (18:15)
  • The difference between providing value and demonstrating value, and how most people have them out of sequence (22:20)

How would you like to spend more time with your family and less time in your business? Go grab yourself a copy of my Digital Daddy’s Toolkit where you’ll get my top 3 speed-influence tools to make you a trusted expert in any market. FAST. Go to www.daddysworking.com/ddt

Read Full Transcript

No don't go in there, Daddy's working.

Jonathan: You know America is going to hell in a hand basket. All these people who are the fair police – that's not fair, this isn't fair, life is not fair, we should all be treated equally. B.S.! We should not be all treated equally; some of us make a bigger impact, make a bigger contribution, make more money because of this so no we should not be all treated fair. The people that do should be rewarded and the people that don't should not. I almost went over the edge there and I almost said they should not exist but hey you can be workers for us. [0:01:01.6]

Yeah, that's right welcome back to another edition of Daddy's Working podcast. I don't know what it is I keep seeing it all around me. People want things to be fair, everybody should be the same and I just don't believe that. Some people are rewarded because you reap what you sow. And that's the way it should be. If you're not sowing, you shouldn't be reaping. I really think and I've heard this from a few smart people who I respect that America is turning to socialism. The problem is maybe some of these young people, some these "everything needs to be fair" little snowflakes think that is a good idea but all you have to do is look back in history; look back at every government that went socialist: all the people suffered, the people in government became rich, fat and wealthy off the back of the suffering regular people – that's not America. [0:02:01.7]

That's un-American in fact and we want to be as far away from that tyranny as we possibly can. So all you snowflakes you there who are probably not listening to Daddy's Working because you're probably sitting at home playing Mr. Mom while your wife goes to work. So there is no way that you're listening to this. So that leaves the rest of us that are here. I'm sure you guys agree with me or you wouldn't be hanging out with me. Shot out of a cannon, today, boys and girls. I'm just fed up with this idea of everything needs to be fair. Fair is what you make of it. Fair is you taking what you're handed and making the most of it. That's actually what – I think if you look up the definition of being an entrepreneur, it's of French origin and it's – I will hack it up here but the general idea is the entrepreneur is someone who take two things of lower value and combines them into something of higher value. [0:03:02.2]

And this is what we are actually going to be talking about today is this idea of value. If you have been on the internet any amount of time, you have had to have heard the free line – push the free line – give it away – give it away now – the whole give your best stuff for free and the law of reciprocity is going to take over and that's B.S. We're going to talk about that today. I'm getting ahead of myself because I'm so excited but there's this common problem. It's in all businesses. It's that definition of value and the idea that you have to give value before you get value. There is some truth to that and you definitely want to be generous especially with the people who can benefit from it and also take advantage of your services but this whole idea of providing value is a total mess. [0:04:04.6]

That's what we're actually going to be talking about today is value and two sides of value. People think you have to provide value, I'm going to make the case for demonstrating value and providing as little value as possible until people have earned it. That's the problem really. I started out talking about socialism in America and that's the problem – people just think they deserve things. You do not deserve anything unless you have worked for it. So yeah, today we're going to talk about value, we're going to set up value, we're going to talk about giving it all away, and we're going to talk about how letting people look but not touch is a much better strategy for you in your business than anything you do in fact. So let's dive in. So get this, right now I'm going to lose all my street creditability as a marketer. [0:05:11.2]

If anybody out there is listening and you're a marketer or you're into persuasion business, you're into sales, I'm about to let you down. I've been an entrepreneur for I think 15, 16 years now out on my own. I have been into marketing since at least the last 10 of those years so a decade in marketing. There is this book that everybody talks about – that all the gurus tell you about. Everybody says it's one of the best books in the world and it took me until I think it was last year maybe a little longer ago to finally read this thing. So almost a decade as an entrepreneur and this is the book that everybody says you must read and somehow I didn't read it and I did okay. [0:06:03.1]

Maybe I'd have done better had I read it earlier but you may know if it, you've probably read it. It's the where the whole idea of the law of reciprocity got bastardized. It's that classic book from Cialdini Influence. I might do a whole show on Influence one day but what I want to focus in on here is the idea of the law of reciprocity. You do something for someone and sit back with your fat hand out waiting for them to do something back for you. That ain't the way it works. Somehow that's the idea that's come out, I think especially online where people – I don't even know they read or they just hear things from blogs and take that as fact but the idea of the law of reciprocity was really big and it still is I think online where you give something away for free. [0:07:00.5]

You give some of your best work away for free in exchange for perhaps an email address and you hope and you sit there and you meditate on it, you crossed your fingers and sing Kumbaya waiting for the day that free opt-in turns into a buyer because you gave them value because you gave them value. You gave them some of your best work and you did that absolutely free so there is no doubt that they are going to repay your generosity. That is flawed in so many ways. We can't even get into it. I don't have enough time here. You can't give value, give something away, give away your best work no less and hope that people will repay that because of the law of reciprocity. That is just a sad mistake on so many levels. Number one is if you're giving something, you really should just expect to give it. You can't expect to get anything in return. [0:08:01.3]

Like if you lend money to your broke brother and he swears he's going to pay it back and you wait and you wait and you wait and he never does and then you're pissed. Oh am I speaking from experience – no I don't lend money to family because of that. If my family needed money, I would give it to them with no expectation of getting anything in return. That's actually the secret to happiness, boys and girls. Write this down – the secret to happiness – who knew I was going to get into this today – the secret to happiness is simpler than you think and it's right in front of you and you have total control of it – the secret to happiness is not having any expectations. No expectations. Think about it. If you have no expectations, you can never be let down and that's why this law of reciprocity; the way that people learn it, the way that people are using it where you're giving something away and expecting something to come back to you is flawed. [0:09:06.4]

It doesn't work that way. You're going to live a sad life if you've got expectations. I can tell you because I have lots of them and I get let down all the time. So I'm learning myself. This is a reminder to me about my expectations. Cupcake and I joke around about it all the time. We go to restaurants; we go to places and our new things because service is so bad – okay rewind – the economy is doing so great right now and there are so many jobs that people are just put into the positions just to fill a space and it doesn't mean that they are qualified for it, they can help, they can do it; it's just because we need warm bodies there. This goes back to socialist America. Everybody deserves a job but yeah that doesn't mean everybody is going to do a good job; in fact if nobody's rewarded for doing a good job, no one never will and the people that do good jobs and see the folks that don't do good jobs making the same as them, they'll be dis-incentivized as in their work level, their production levels will go down as well. [0:10:08.8]

That's part of the problem with socialism by the way. Not that this is a whole talk on socialism but look you cannot give things away and expect something in return. If you're going to give it away, give it away. I mean ... I'm jumping into my next section. Let's do a quick recap and then we'll move on. So the law of reciprocity is flawed. You can't give things away and expect to get something in return. If you're going to give something away, just give it away. You'll be much, much happier because expectations, good or bad, will cloud your vision. So having no expectations is actually the secret to happiness. [0:10:59.7]

Man when I was younger, when I was in high school – I'm dating myself here – I loved me some Red Hot Chili Peppers. I mean those guys had hit after hit. Anthony Kiedis in the long hair and the Flea guy in diapers and rockin' out. One of my favorite songs was that "Give it away, give it away, give it away now. Whatchya got you got get it put in you" Yeah butchered that for sure. That's probably why I don't karaoke so don't ever ask me if we meet. Give it away now; this is where we are at in marketing, people think they need to give all their best things away order to get people attention. This is a terrible mistake. If you're giving your best stuff away, upfront, you are doing yourself a disservice and your market a disservice. [0:12:03.4]

What? My market. How could I be giving my market all my best stuff and that be bad for them? It's simple. If you give your best work away for free, people will not value it. It's right. Give your best work away for free, people will not value it. They will wipe their butts with it. Mhh hhm. That's real. That's why you cannot give your best stuff away and that's why all these gurus that are telling you, "Give it away, give it away, give it away now" are dead wrong. In fact, I would argue that free – FREE – is the new expensive because free costs you. Free costs you time. Time is a non-renewable asset. [0:13:00.4]

You can make more money. You can make another website. You can make more content. You can make more sales. You cannot make more time. A lot of times when you get free information and anybody gets free information, it is expensive because it doesn't get them the answer that they want. The ballers, the bosses, the players who are doing things know that using money to buy time is a smart move. The way that I'm thinking about it is for instance, we run a podcast agency here. In fact, we just did a really cool profit first podcasting group coaching thing that I think I'm going to bring back. But the information that we put in there and people paid for it was great and there was a lot of it because we wanted to make sure to leave no stone unturned and set these folks up for success. [0:14:02.8]

By the fourth week, it was a three-four week program, we were done with the ground work, the most important work, in fact what we went through there was the Client Cloner who you're talking to, the Content Vault what to say, and the Client Matrix what you want people to do so the first three parts of our Direct Response Podcasting system. The last part was once we laid the foundation was to go ahead and get your podcast recorded into iTunes, recorded, uploaded and all that. To us, to me especially, it was me and Greg from the Rise Above podcast – to me the most important part wasn't all the technical doodads and gidgets and mikes and everything else – the most important part was knowing who you're talking to and knowing what to say to them and knowing what you want them to do. The other things you can find online. You can find what mike to use, what software to use, what hosting to use, you can find that on tens of thousands of websites. [0:15:08.1]

You can spend forever digging through that information – deciphering what's good, what's not maybe going down the wrong path a couple times, wasting a bunch of time, failing, getting frustrated – phew – taking a step back and starting all over again. Free – right that's the free information on the internet, free information in abundance. Everybody is overly educating themselves. They don't know whether the source is good or bad. So one of the pieces of feedback that got the last week was about them getting the technical part of podcasting, I came up with this awesome document. This Podcast Checklist document with informational videos and what software, what equipment, everything you need and they looked at it and they were like, "Oh my God, oh my God, this is too much work." Now they are breaking down because the amount of work is too much. For the serious ones, they got on the phone with me and said, "Hey look, I just want to pay you to get this thing on the air for me. Can we do that? How do we do that? What does that look like?" [0:16:08.2]

For a couple of them I made an offer. It made sense for a couple of them I talked them out of it. But the idea is those people, the people that got on the phone with me and said, "Hey can you do this for me?" They are the people that realize investing in professional help saves you time so in essence you're buying time or creating time. That's why it's good to pay for things, boys and girls. That's why I say free is the new expensive. So people are talking about give it away, give it away, give away now on the internet. Give away your best items, give away your best work, give away your best ideas and the law of reciprocity will take care of you; that's B.S. You cannot give away your best work. In fact if you do give away your best work, you're doing a disservice to your market because they are not even going to pay attention to it because there is so much free information out there. [0:17:01.9]

So it is your job to make sure that people pay to work with you. That's actually what we're going to talk about next but before we get into that look you're listening, you're digging this, you are part of Daddy's Working posse – I just made that up I don't think I like the way it sounds though – especially if you're slurring a little bit after drinking but have you subscribed to the show? Have you rated and reviewed us? Come on, go to wherever you listen to the podcast, type in Daddy's Working and click the subscribe button and while you're there give us a rating and review – good or bad – I don't care I just want to know that you're out there. So let's move on. I don't know I was about some Black-Eyed Peas on you and then I thought, "Oh man, do I really want that on the air?" [0:18:01.4]

I don't think I do. So I'm not going to sing "my hump, my humps, my lovely lady humps" to you. You're welcome. I care about you, okay, that's why I didn't do that to you. But the reason I'm thinking about that is the idea that we have been talking about in this episode, providing value and how it's flawed. Now I'm going to talk to you about something that you can do that you should do – could do – forget should, I'm trying to get should out of my vocabulary – that's a story for another day but something that you could do is demonstrate value. I remember reading about this in the pickup artist book, I don't know if you guys ever got into it. I mean if you're a dude you had to at least have heard about this, watched some of it when it was MTV "The Mystery Method" but that book, that classic. I think when you get the hardcover it's actually made to look like a bible. [0:19:08.7]

The Game – you guys know what I'm talking about even if you are pretending you don't. You know what I'm talking about, the puas. They had so many cool moves in there and I actually – I think we did – yeah we did an episode not too long ago about picking up clients, penetrating the world and picking up clients, it was Episode 14, "Tools For Picking Up Clients" so check that out. But there was this idea in there about demonstrating value and how you had to demonstrate value in order to get a girl hooked on you or get her attention and get her paying attention to you so you could continue escalating the relationship but that stuck with me forever. I mean I read that book – the last time I read it was probably a couple of years ago but I read it and that idea stuck with me because everything you've been told is a lie about pushing the free line, about giving away all your best ideas – your best work, and hoping and praying, crossing your fingers that all that goodwill that you put out into the world will come back to you because of the law of reciprocity. [0:20:23.6]

See people don't want your value until they are ready for it. That's what the book was talking about, The Game, just demonstrate value, make her want it but don't give it to her, she has to earn it. So you can look but you can't touch that's the idea with demonstrating value versus providing value. I'll give you an example how I'm using this right now in my real estate business. Run an ad on Google or Craig's List to get people back to my website. My website has a video sales letter where I talk through some of the most common pains people have where they live, how their landlords don't fix things, how rents are always going up, how they take forever to approve them, those are some of the things that we talk about in that VSL. [0:21:17.3]

That's hooking them, getting the viewer to pay attention, letting them know that I understand them. So that just gets their attention. That does nothing as far as value other than to say I know you and that's valuable. But what we do is we give away a coupon, save $750 when you move in with this coupon. Hey what? I can save $750 when I move in, that's interesting. That's us demonstrating value. I have this right here, this is value for you. You see it, I'm waving it in front of you, but you cannot have it. You have to earn it. How do they earn it? Simply by clicking, filing in a form, and giving us their information and they end up on our autoresponder. [0:22:01.0]

Now what they have done is they saw my value, they chased after my value and jumped through a couple of hoops to get it, and now they've got my value in their hand in the form of a coupon. See the difference? They didn't get the value until they jumped through a few hoops. I showed it to them and I let them come get it. That's the difference between providing value and demonstrating value. People have them out of sequence. You must get someone's attention, demonstrate that you understand them, and demonstrate that you have value for them and after they have proven themselves – after they have earned it then you can give them some value where they will treasure it more. So today, we talked about socialist America how everybody wants things to be fair and equal and everybody deserves everything. I told you that was B.S. Everybody does not deserve everything, they must earn it. we talked about the law of reciprocity and how it has been bastardized and people are out there doing things and sitting waiting for things to happen back for them. [0:23:08.9]

They do you a favor and wait to hear back on what you're doing for them right away. That's just not how it works. That's why the law of reciprocity that's taught mostly today is mostly flawed and that's why so many people are talking about the "give it away, give it away, give it away now". Give away your best work and people will love you and want to give you money. It actually works the opposite. If you give away your best work, people will hate you when you ask for money, ask anybody. Free is the new expensive. That's why the smart ones know that they can pay experts, pay consultants, pay people to help them get a shortcut and in essence that's buying back time. After that we talked about you can look but you can't touch, baby. You can see that I've got some value for you but you got to come and earn it. Don't give away value until it is earned, only demonstrate value. [0:24:09.7]

So that is everything. Ooh that was a long one. I didn't expect it to go for that long. Now let's see. Of course, you want to know what's coming up next time. Before I tell you that I want to remind you one last time, go to wherever you listen to podcasts, type in Daddy's Working, and subscribe, rate and review or do any one of those. Or just type us in there, I don't know look at our cover art. Seriously subscribe, rate, review, good or bad, it doesn't matter. I want to know you guys are out there. So next time, we are going to talk about being the best version of you, how you can be the best version of you and even giving you some tools, a framework – in fact it's a three-word framework to be the best version of you. [0:25:03.4]

Until next time, toodle-loo.

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