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In the Bible, Jesus forgives an adulterous woman long before she forgives herself. In fact, he reveals to her that the only one condemning her is herself.

Here’s why this matters even if you’re not religious:

Only you are punishing yourself for your sins, mistakes, and past traumas. This creates hopelessness, depression, anxiety, and even addiction. But once you figure out how to stop criticizing yourself, you’ll experience more happiness than you thought possible.

In this episode, I’m revealing how to stop beating yourself up so you can see how great your life can be.

Show highlights include:

  • How an ancient Bible story helps you to free yourself from being enslaved to your sins (even if you’re not religious) (3:08)
  • Why fighting your emotions is like fighting a cloud (and how to restore the blue sky whenever you’re feeling down) (8:34)
  • The weird way feeling soul-crushing defeat is the first step to destroying your sense of worthlessness (9:07)
  • The dirt-simple mindset tweak that restores your sense of hope (16:22)
  • The 3-step “Freedom and Forgiveness Process” for healing all your past traumas and mistakes (18:40)
  • Why the Hebrew definition of “sin” makes it 10x easier to forgive yourself after sinning (19:22)
  • How you’re subconsciously poisoning your insides with negativity,  lethargy, and hopelessness (26:33)

If you want to radically change how much control you have over your emotions in as little as 20 days, you can go to https://thefreedomspecialist.com/feelbetternow and sign up for the Choose Your Own Emotion course.

If you or somebody you know is looking to drop the ‘F’ Bomb of freedom in your life and break free from addiction, depression, anxiety or anything that’s making you feel flat-out stuck, head over to https://thefreedomspecialist.com/ and book a call where we can look at your unique situation and give you the roadmap you’ve been missing.

If you’d like to buy a copy of my book, Is That Even Possible?: The Nuts and Bolts of Energy Healing for the Curious, Wary, and Totally Bewildered, you can find it on Amazon here: https://www.amazon.com/That-Even-Possible-Healing-Bewildered/dp/1512336041

Read Full Transcript

It's time to rip the cover off what really works to ditch addiction, depression, anger, anxiety, and all other kinds of human suffering. No, not sobriety. We're talking the F-word here: Freedom. We'll share, straight from the trenches, what we have learned from leaving our own addictions behind, and coaching hundreds of others to do the same—and since it's such a heavy topic, we might as well have a good time while we're at it. [00:27.6]

Bob: Okay, folks, let's set the scene, shall we? The time is a couple of thousand years ago, back in somewhere in Israel, possibly in Jerusalem while Jesus is teaching at the temple. Yes, it is folks today on today's episode, we're going to break apart a Bible story in the hopes of helping you see a simple, like four parts to this process of really finding freedom and forgiveness and no longer feeling like you're worthless or you're no longer tyrannized by your past and all of these different things. Yes, we're still talking about emotions. We're still talking about addiction. We're still talking about sin. We're still talking about so many of the things that haunt people, your past, past traumas and whatnot. Okay. So, we're going to go to this story of the woman taken in adultery. [01:21.5]

What's interesting about this story and it happens in a couple of others are that it ends with the injunction go and sin no more. This is the thing that's so many people want to do. Whether they're struggling with monetary issues, they want to go and be poor no more. Whether they're dealing with addiction, they want to go and relapse no more. Whether they're dealing with depression or anxiety, they want to go and not panic anymore or not get stuck into depressive cycles anymore. Whether they're dealing with relationships that want to go and not get heartbroken anymore. And particularly with sin or anything that a person talks about with regard to moral value, they want to go and do that no more, when they, when it's something that's really important to them. So, let's take a step back and let's look at the story and then we'll break apart a few pieces and maybe give you a fresh glimpse at this old Bible story that can give you one, like direct rubber hits the road guidance for whatever it is that you're dealing with this week or today, or whatever has been going on in your life. [02:21.4]

Every time I, when I was learning to study scripture, always the question was like, who cares? Who cares that this story happened, how does this affect my life today? That's the important part. And so, let's look at it. Here's a woman, she is caught in adultery. She's taken into the temple, into the temple grounds. She's caught in the act, it says in the text and she's brought into the temple grounds and brought before Jesus by a group of people that are obviously looking to try and catch him in some way, shape or form. Now, adultery is the act of two people in some sort of sexual congress right. Now if she was caught in the act, did she have clothes on? Did they drag her into the temple with, was she half naked? Was she barely robed? Did they wait for her to get dressed and then take her into the temple? We're not told. We're caught in the middle of this story as if they burst into the room while she was in the act, they grabbed only the lady and not the guy. And then they dragged the lady down into the temple to throw her right in front of Jesus, who was busy, doing whatever he was doing, teaching, talking to people, whatever. And so that they could have this interlude with him to ask him what to do with her. The law says that we are supposed to stone her, whatever. [03:34.4]

Now the text has it, that Jesus is listening to them. And they're saying, look, what should we do with this woman? And he bends down and he starts writing in the sand, right. After a while, there's a lot of sub speculation around what he might've written in the sand. There's rabbinic commentary, there's all these other things that may have pacified the crowd in some way. But they come and then he gets up and after they're saying like, what should we do with her? He looks at them. They're asking him, should we stone? Or should we not? The law of Moses tells us we should, what should we do? And he looks at them and he says, he, that is without sin, let him cast the first stone. And of course, they're all a little bit convicted in their hearts, knowing that they are sinners in one shape, way, shape, or form, or knowing that they are the ones that have also transgressed the law in some way, shape or form in their own life and are reliant on the aid of God or whatever else. And beginning at the oldest, as the text said, they leave. [04:34.6]

There are some people that comment on this and say, well, wow, thank heavens for older people. And the wisdom of them recognizing what's going on. Instead of like just the sort of brass, you know, braids and youth that are just going to out do things with and do things without thinking about them. So, then we're left with this situation where the place is deserted. Jesus looks down at the woman and he asks her, woman, where are those, thine accusers? That's obviously some king James English. We could just put it in normal English and say, Hey, where are the people that were accusing you? Now, she looks up at this point or who is accusing you? And she looks up and he says, she's like, well, there's no one left, right? No one out, no one's here. And then he looks at her and he says, I don't accuse you either, right. And then they'll go and sin no more. So, we end the story in this way. And this shape that the woman has a kind of realization and leaves. [05:29.3]

Now, what I want to do is I want you to break this down even more carefully. If you're struggling with having done something that you're ashamed of, let's, I'm going to assume that a woman caught in that kind of action, knowing the laws of the land, knowing what she had been doing in advance, knowing all of the possible ramifications, who knows if she had children or didn't have children or anything like that, she's already convicted in her heart. She's already feeling negative about what's going on. She's already got a lot of, of, of shame and guilt built in, and fear for her own future and her own life at this stage in the game. So, she's probably not firing on all cylinders. She's probably cowering there waiting for the blow to fall, so to speak. Especially after hearing Jesus say, well, let him with that. That's without sin cast the first stone. Even if she even heard that or was capable of hearing it in the middle of so much fear, right. It's in this state that so many people who are struggling with depression, so many people who are struggling with sin or having done something that they themselves because of their own value system think is wrong. You don't have to be Christian. You don't have to be religious. If you've done something that in your mind, you feel is unpardonable or unforgivable or worthy of death or punishment, whether that's breaking the law or whether that's breaking a commandment, whether you're Buddhist or Muslim or Hindu or Christian or atheist or whatever it is, if you've done something in your heart that feels to you, like you've literally crossed the line. These are the people that we're dealing with. If you've ever done anything in your life, this is the state that she was in, beating herself up in her own head for who she is and what she's done. Having no hope for a better future, despite wanting one. And at the mercy of her outside environment to control her life. [07:23.5]

An addict who is stuck in addiction has already been shamed to no end because of that. And on top of that, they are victims to certain behaviors that they don't know how to control and haven't learned. And the events that come out of those and the relationship problems that come out of those and the financial difficulties that come out of those are huge. And they are victims in many ways to the choices that they've made, whether consciously or unconsciously in their own life. Somebody who's in depression in the same way, this is one where it's like, they did nothing wrong in their mind, they're just asking the heavens, what did I do wrong? Why do I always feel like this what's wrong with me? They don't even know what it is. There's just a sense that there's something wrong. There's something going on. The world isn't right. Something is against them and they're a victim to everything else going on because it feels like it's outside of them. Someone who's anxious or deals with anxiety also feels like something bad is going to happen. Emotional struggles are often worse than physical ones. Cause at least physical struggles, you can blame something. It's the drug, it's the food. It's the porn. It's the, this it's the, that it's that other person. But when it's an emotion, it's really, really, really hard to blame. We try, we try, oh no, I can't handle that, it just triggers me and all that other stuff. But in emotions, are really rough because it's like fighting a cloud. [08:38.4]

So, this is the state, this woman is in. She's in a state where she feels zero help and there's like a life sentence on her, she might not last the afternoon. Right, I was threatened with not death, but divorce possible legal ramifications for things that I've done in the past. I mean, even up to shoplifting when I was a teenager and I got caught by the cops. Like threat comes in those moments of desperation, we are ready to change. So, the first stage of real change and real shifting so that the worthlessness goes away is to when you're in a space of defeat and you recognize time's up, I have to change. Too many people get to this place too late in life, or they never get to this place so, they never changed because it's not dire enough. And I only wish that early on in life, I had been able to see, you know what, this isn't going to a good direction, it's going to prove bad. Let me nip it in the bud now. [09:37.9]

So many of us wait until we're utterly defeated until our life is on the line or our marriage is on the line or so many things are on the line. And literally we're doing it out of desperation just to save at least something that we have. We're not even trying for a better future. We're just trying to save the house, the life that we have. From that place, if you're in that place, if you feel that hopeless. Good news, there is hope. Good news, there is a way to shift that feeling of worthlessness, that feeling of being a victim and that sense of powerlessness that makes you feel like you're just going to be stuck there the rest of your life. [10:15.5]

Stage two: Realization. Yes. Jesus stepped in. Yes, there was mercy involved. Yes, a lot of us have had the benefit of having someone step into our life and show up and offer a hand of mercy when no one else seemed like they would. If you haven't had that, this podcast, let this podcast be a step in and a hand of mercy. If you haven't had that, I wish that you had, I do hope you'll find it for sure, but you don't need it. But I want you to notice that this stage two is a realization. He looked, Jesus looks down at her and he tells her, Hey, where are those thine accuser? Has no man accused thee, right? And she looks at him and she looks around and realization dawns. No man is accusing me. No, man, they'd all ditch. They'd all left. And then he looks at her and he says, neither do I accuse you, right. I want you to like pause for a second and recognize something. [11:15.4]

The word Satan means to accuse. I think we've covered this before in Hebrew. So, Satan is the one accusing you of being worthless. The one accusing you of being no good whatnot. Just hear me out. If you're not Christian it's okay. Right Or Jewish or something. Satan is the word. It's a rule yet. He, the Satan has a history, didn't show up as a being until the intertestamental period, basically, right? There's a couple of instances of HA-SATAN, meaning the Satan in the Old Testament. But by and large Satan was just a name for an adversary or someone who was against you. And so here we are, Jesus was asking her like, Hey, where are these adversaries you have? Where are these Satan's against you? She looks up there aren't any. And he's like, I'm not one either pause. The only person accusing you of being worthless of having no power of having no abilities of life, not pouring out in your direction of nothing working out of all the things. The only one that's accusing you of that, the only adversary you have is in your head, it's you. [12:24.8]

So, Jesus wipes out all other Satans and he's like, I don't accuse you either.Quit accusing yourself. I just had a conversation with a guy who had a bad rap, you know, 17 years old got into a fight, somebody got hurt. He was going to go to juvenile, but turned 18 in the middle and ended up five years in prison and then ended up getting involved in the whole prison situation and had been in and out of prison and on drugs and has illnesses like hepatitis and other types of things. And he just felt like he never got a good break. And I'm talking to him on the phone, and he is like, I can tell they're spunk in him. I can tell he has what it takes to really turn things around. At least that's what it seems like. But he's given up on himself and he says, oh no, I'm going to fight till the end. But then I'm going to fight to the end and then go before my maker and ask him, why did you do all this stuff to me? And I am literally offering him help and he's throwing up every poetic, rhetorical reason why his lot in life sucks and why there's nothing he can do about it because you know, you know, people pass up the ghetto people and they won't help them. And all the other stuff. While I'm literally offering him help in this case for free, because I could see the possibility and I wanted someone to step into his life and give him an opportunity. [13:38.4]

And he was still sending me text after text explaining just how bad his life was. He was the Satan in his own life. Let me just exhort you, if I may use a biblical term to stop accusing yourself of stuff. If life beats you up, that's one thing. If you beat yourself up because of that, then you beat yourself up again. That's beat up twice for the same thing. That's you wasting energy and time and effort and thought and emotion. And you may not know how to stop right now, and that's okay. But you're wasting your life beating yourself up. That's the real accuser. So, when he's like, I, there’s neither do I condemn thee. There's nothing to forgive. Jesus, hasn't been here like, okay, well you sinned against me now I forgive you. He's like I don't condemn you in the first place. The only person that needs to forgive you is you. [14:28.5]

If you or someone you know is looking to drop the F-bomb of “Freedom” in their life, whether that's from past trauma, depression, anxiety, addiction, or any other host of emotional and personal struggles, but they just don't know how or wants some help doing it. Head on over to thefreedomspecialist.com/feelbetternow and check out some of the things we've got in store for you or book a call so we can look at your unique situation and get you the help that you're looking for. [14:56.5]

Jesus isn’t holding a grudge, he's aware possibly, depending on how you read the texts. But in this instance here, there's no initial condemnation, even though she was caught in the act. Even though she was dragged there, possibly half naked, like fully exposed that yes, she did this thing. Totally guilty, no defense still no condemnation. Yes. I recognize you did this thing. Go and send no more. It was her lifting up her head and looking around and finally saying, oh wait, no one is actually condemning me here. That's what shifted it and gave her some hope. I want you to look around in your life in this moment right now, is there anybody actually condemning you? But you? Look around, you might be by yourself, you might be listening to this on earbuds. You might be sitting and listening to it on a, on a stereo or something. Is there somebody in the room right now condemning you, or that even has the power to condemn you? [16:01.0]

Are you being arrested by police at this moment? That would be impressive by the way. Hold on, Police officer I'm bettering my mind with the Alive and Free podcast. Can you just go, go a little lighter? I don't want to miss what Bob’s saying. Are you being, are you in jail? And even if you are in jail at this moment, does anyone condemning you or did they condemn you in the past? It often feels like someone is in the process of condemning us in this moment. Like life is in the process of messing itself up for us in this moment. But if you really look around with your own eyes and ears, what's actually happening. The sun is shining, and even if it's nighttime, it's bouncing off the moon and still hitting you. So, the sun is still shining, right? Plants are growing. There's air, that's being breathed. Your cells are dividing. Everything is working to keep you alive. Your heart is beating. There's nothing actually condemning you. When you can fully realize that you can recognize that the only person who has ever been condemning you most of the time is you. And if you don't condemn you, even if other people do, the feeling of worthlessness and hopelessness and powerlessness can start to go away. Yes, there might be some skills you need to learn, but that feeling vanishes when you no longer feel like there's something wrong with you and you're broken and that everyone's out to get you. I need you to open your eyes and really look at your life and recognize nothing is out there condemning you in this moment. [17:33.8]

Okay. Step three - Go. That's the word. It's an active verb. Too many people when they come to our retreats and stuff and they're in this pit in their life. So, we go down into the pit with them, we turn on the lights, we give them all the tools and we're really super excited and makes it feel more comfortable down in the pit. And they're like, yes, this is awesome. And then we're like, okay, cool. But you still have to climb out, right. You still have to learn how to walk. If you don't climb out, then you don't have the skills and then you fall in another pit and you're stuck. So, we're there to support you climbing up. But many of them stopped climbing out or they get tired and like, eh, I'll just go rest in the pit a little bit. And then they wonder why things don't change in their life is because they didn't take action. They didn't, despite how they feel, get up and do the actions that would make the difference in their life. Go or in the case of the man at the pool of Bethesda. He said, get up, basically. Get up, if you want to be healed, get up, pick up your bed and walk, right. Then go take action, go and sin no more. Pretty impressive, tight? There's just, there's these three pieces. And then I want to talk about sin in general, but these three pieces, you start from a place of total hopelessness and defeat. What turns it around is the realization that the only one condemning you as you, and that there's hope all around for massive change. And then you take action to learn the skills and abilities needed to pick up your bed and walk. [19:03.1]

Does that mean that guy didn't smell like 30 years of sitting on his can? No, he's still smelled. Does that mean he hadn't, he had learned how to operate in the business world and he became some high tycoon in the Jewish society. No, it just meant he was healed from what was bothering him. Now let's talk about sin, right. Sin as a word often is translated as ‘to miss the mark’ in Hebrew. And I think that's a really good phrase because it takes you to this idea of an Archer and you're aiming at the mark and then you miss. And missing the mark is not like, if you miss the mark, you missed the mark. You don't hit the target. If you miss the mark, you lose, you don't have food that day. There are consequences for missing the mark, but it's not a something spiritually wrong with you. Some, some flaw in who you are as a being. But in the west, we really go to town on this and we make people feel like it's who they are that's the problem instead of what they've done. [20:01.3]

To miss the mark is an action. It is not a being right; an evil being can miss the mark. A good being can miss the mark and evil being can hit the mark and a good being can hit the mark. It's an action. It is not in any way, shape or form some, you know, character trait. So, I really, really want you to catch catch this. Did, it's missing the mark is an action that's taken. Now, what is the action then? If, if I can sin by not doing something, and if I can sin by doing something, what's the action? A lot of people will say, well, if you just do the right thing, and if you don't do the right thing, then that's a sin. But I want you to look even deeper than this. Sin is anything that leads away from life. If you take some of the etymology of the Hebrew terms, even further like sin would be anything that points you toward death. In fact, Jesus said, the wages of sin is death. So, anything that leads to death now, I want you to get this. Emotions, have the possibility of opening your body up to more exuberant life or closing it down to more death like states. The more acidic, stressed out, anxious, depressed, or whatever emotions you have, the more it shuts down organ function. It inhibits breath. It slows down heart or speeds up heart rhythms in such a way that it can cause problems. It increases or decreases blood pressure. It causes all kinds of cascade chains of events, including leaching calcium from the bones, just from your emotions and the way that you breathe. [21:30.6]

And so, when you're sitting there, shifting that it is leading you literally toward death, and that will lead to actions or coping behaviors that make you want to get away from it. Why does a person hate another person? Because they're uncomfortable on the inside because of their emotions. If they were sitting there blissfully happy, would they be running around decking people? Not unless it's a game like gladiator or something. Not unless it's a game. It's not what happens when a person is in touch with who they are on the inside and operating out of their humanity and living in happiness and bliss, they don't run out and do those types of things. It's very, very natural for them to just live in a space where they're not making those types of judgements and those types of behavior patterns. So, what I would submit to you is that sin is misery. Sin is any state of being that leads you away from happiness. [22:22.6]

Now in Galatians, Paul expounds on happiness and he says, the fruits of the spirit are peace, joy, love, brotherly, kindness, long suffering, all of those things, right. And he's really expounding on those things. And he says against those things, there is no law. Meaning one, there's no law against being happy. Two, by the way, if that, if you're one of those people, that's like, well, no, I don't deserve to be happy. Paul in the Bible is like, eh, wrong, there's no law against it. But two, if you're experiencing those things, there's no law against you. You're whole and complete. Maybe not in the eyes of the law, in social circles, but maybe in the eyes of God. On the inside, you're whole and complete and happy and perfect and fine. I want you to catch this possible nuance here. Now, if you're a of the Mormon faith, there are some more direct quotes here where you could say wickedness never was happiness. And so, if wickedness isn't happiness, then maybe wickedness is unhappiness. And every time you're unhappy, you're wicked. And then happiness is righteousness. So, every time you're legitimately happy, then you're in a state of righteousness and everything is good before God. [23:26.6]

So, I want, and if, if men are that they might have joy as stated in another verse, in the book of Mormon, then the mark that you missed was happiness. If the whole point of man's life was to have joy, joy, eternally living with God, then to miss that mark is to not be able to experience that. An eternal life with God as Jesus said in John 17 was to know him and Jesus Christ. It wasn't this some future eternal life, it was here and now. So, when we're talking about sin, I want you to consider the possibility that sin is anything that leads to death. And that starts in your emotional states. And your emotional states are coming from the way that you see the world, which is why the word repent in Greek - metanoia means to change your way of thinking. Not, oh, well, I had this thought, let me change that thought, but to change your very way of seeing the world and seeing yourself so that you cease to see it that way. And when you see to see it that way you will stop behaving as if it is that way. And when you start behaving as if it is that way, you will find happiness and hope and health and wellbeing and all the other things. Interesting note, the Greek word also means to change your way of breathing, not just to change your way of thinking, which is why I heavily emphasize the breath in helping people shift this. [24:44.5]

Now, a final note about this whole experience with Jesus was he told her go and sin no more. He didn't say, go and I want to see you back in my office in a week and let's talk about this again. I want you to go make a list of everything you've ever done wrong and I want you to go confess that to a bunch of people. And then I want you to make sure you're going to meetings every week for the rest of your life. And I want you to make amends to everyone you can. And I want you, he didn't do any of that stuff. He was, as far as he was concerned, she's good. When we're talking about sin, she's good. Does that mean she had all the skill sets necessary to manage all of her emotions for the rest of her life? Maybe, maybe not. Likely not. We don't have any indication of whether or not she went and committed adultery again. We don't have any, that might've scared her out of it. We don't have any indication of whether she did some other kind of sin again. We don't know because the is emphasis isn't on that. It was on the fact that Jesus was not busy being the one condemning her, but that she was the one condemning herself. [25:50.9]

So, as we wrap this up, this whole point is around self-condemnation. You look at that story and even if you're not Christian, even if you're not of a religious persuasion at all, just look at your life. How much self-condemnation do you actually participate in? How many times do you beat yourself up? Oh man, I should have done better. That self-condemnation how many times you're like, oh, things don't work out for me. That's self-condemnation. How many times are you like Ah, nobody likes me. Oh, that self-condemnation. Every negative thing you think about yourself is self-condemnation and guess what? There is no one around doing it for you. It's you. And it's that self-condemnation that is poisoning your insides, literally with the chemistry of negativity, lack of motivation, boredom, listlessness, hopelessness, and powerlessness. And because of that, it's literally destroying your body's ability to stay alive in an exuberant state. And slowly, slowly, it's leading you toward what feels like death. And that's why so many people just try to cope. They're just, they give up, they feel like it's too hard. And so, they just accept, well, whatever one day I'm going to die and I'll go to my maker and I'll get in his face and I'll be like, what did I ever do to you? [27:09.5]

And just like, Jesus, doesn't condemn you, he wasn't the one that did it in the first place. The Satan, the accuser to get rid of is the one inside your own head. If you want help with that, please go to thefreedomspecialist.com, sign up. Let's help you. Now don't assume that you have to be a porn addict in order to get help with this. The processes that we work with, our body physiological processes, that help you wrote out all of these root issues and you don't have to be a porn addict to do it. So go to thefreedomspecialist.com/schedule, skip the whole stuff if it's there, or if you're dealing with chronic pain issues and other stuff, we can also help with that. So don't get turned off by the fact that there's people who struggled with porn addiction and while I'm not them. So, I don't, I guess I, my, my, I don't need that help in, my situation isn't that bad. How many people stay in their situations? They don't like in life because, well, it's not that bad. [28:08.0]

Let me invite you to, instead of settling for a life, that's not that bad to start actually learning to create a life that darn good. That's the most exceptional thing that's ever happened to you, cause you only have this moment to live and there's no guarantees about the future and how long are you going to let yourself suffer because it's not that bad or because, well, I don't know if he can help me. If I can't help you, I'll tell you, we'll send you someplace else if I know someplace else, but by all means don't for another second allow the Satan in your head to continue to drag you down. [28:45.5]

And that's it for todays “Alive and Free Podcast.” If you enjoyed this show and want some more freedom bombs landing in your ear buds, subscribe right now at wherever you get your podcasts from. And, while you're at it, give us a rating and a review. It'll help us keep delivering great stuff to you. Plus, it's just nice to be nice. [29:03.6]

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