It's time to rip the cover off what really works to ditch addiction, depression, anger, anxiety, and all other kinds of human suffering. No, not sobriety. We're talking the F-word here: Freedom. We'll share, straight from the trenches, what we have learned from leaving our own addictions behind, and coaching hundreds of others to do the same—and since it's such a heavy topic, we might as well have a good time while we're at it. [00:27.6]
Bob: Welcome back to the Alive and Free Podcast. Today, I'm going on a walk and I might do this more in the future, walking and talking, but I wanted to talk today a little bit about hypocrisy. You know, this is a word that's been around for a little bit, a little while. It seems to be a negative thing in our culture, the idea of being a hypocrite. Seems to be something that nobody wants anybody else to be and yet, as I've looked at it over and over again, looking at freedom, looking at what it's like to be fully alive and fully free, and recognizing that honesty or seeing things as they simply are, is one of the greatest assets that you could possibly have in getting there. Hypocrisy becomes an interesting thing to look at, not because it's either good or bad, but because it, as a process tends to make it so that a person cannot be as free or alive as they really could be. [01:30.4]
And I mean this in both the conscious sense when you're honestly consciously being a hypocrite, aka lieing, or when you're unconsciously being a hypocrite. Meaning to a certain extent let's take, well, let me, let me tell you a story about my dancing career, and then I'll take it even deeper with mowing the lawn, shall we? And then we'll bring it back around. So back when I was dancing at Brigham Young University, my wife and I were touring with the international folk dance ensemble. We toured with them for three years with their touring team. And we toured many different places, whether that was like in the United States, we toured the whole South of the United States doing performances. We toured a lot in the Southwest and into California and into the Western States. And then we also toured into Europe, Belgium, Switzerland, France, to a certain extent. [02:26.4]
And so we toured around to various of these little folk dance festivals and whatnot. And part of the process was that the way the team was set up was we had our director and then we had the main two people on the team that were kind of the liaison between the director and the rest of the team. They would be kind of the leaders of the team, one guy and one girl. Well, me having grown up the way I grew up believing that I was defective or in some way, shape or form not good enough and would never have the capacity to be good enough. I constantly was looking for ways in which to prove how good I could actually be as a human being. I really went out of my way to prove that I was really worth something. And this happened in every organization. I went in, whether I was in Kung Fu, I was always trying to get to the top in academics. It was get to the top, do extra credit, make sure everybody knew that I was a worthwhile human being and so on and so forth. [03:26.5]
And so this whole process became a process of me trying to prove that I was worth something right. Anything that I couldn't really excel at, I didn't really last long in. And so when I got onto the dance ensemble and I was at least decent at it, my natural inclination was to do what do you guess? That's right. I had to be the guy at the top. So I was so sly and sneaky and I would do things like I had a good idea working on Irish hard shoe for instance, about keeping my knees together cause they kept coming apart and I had this big art, rubber band and I slipped it around my knees and I was like, Oh, this is helping me. But then one day I decided to do that in the background of class when we had some time to practice because I wanted my director to see that I was creatively and inventively doing things outside of class that would prove that I worth something. And so boom, all of a sudden here I am getting noticed by the director and he's like, look at Bob, look at what Bobs doing, you know, let's call him out as being some great model of someone who's really going out of his way to excel at what it is that we're doing here. [04:34.6]
And then because of my martial arts experience, we did a Hungarian stick dance at one point. And I took a side to the main guy who was the kind of team leader and he and I were friends and I kind of took him aside and showed him some things and helped him choreograph a solo dance with a stick that was something totally different than anything that they'd done. He had learned some stigmas in the past, but had never learned how to stick them together in ways that I had done in martial arts. And so we were able to choreograph something. These little things finally positioned me in such a way to where one year, my second year on the theme, I was chosen to be the guy at the top. And that year was hell. I mean, don't get me wrong. I had fun. I did all kinds of solos performed in front of, in front of thousands and thousands and thousands of people doing dances that most of them would never have seen before or learned before. And so it was like really, really an incredible opportunity. [05:34.0]
And the whole time I would have to have these meetings with the team director and he would ask me to do things and I would get irritated with it or I would think, Oh my gosh, that's a dumb way of doing things. And I can do things so much better. And he would make these creative decisions and we'd make fun of them. And he was getting on my nerves more and more as the year went on to where I was so irritated. I'm frustrated with the fact that Ed was asking me to do things, the very thing I wanted, right. And so then when it got to the end and you know, I kind of got to the end of it. And then the next year he asked somebody else to be the kind of team liaison and I was a little bit miffed at first, but then he came in and he kind of told me about it in advance. So he did say, Hey, look, this isn't anything to do with you. You're in your final year at the college. And I want to make sure you have time for other projects and things like that. [06:29.0]
And while I was a little bit upset at first, I was like fine, whatever. And then I went off on my own and I started doing some real looking. And years later, as I was looking back and digging through some of the things that I had been struggling with, what I noticed was, wow, Bob, you are just like Ed. And that's why he got on your nerves so much. Literally you are just like him, all the things that you are miffed that he does, Oh, he's going to put his own creative stamp on things. You do that, all the things that you hate, that he says little turns of phrase that you think he does in weird ways and are dumb. You do that, just your different turns of phrase. All the times where he has to show up and he has to be the one that's right and everyone has to listen. Well, you do that all the times when you take somebody aside and you, you want to share with them a cool idea, hoping that you can recruit them to be on your side for that idea. You do that. [07:36.6]
So time and again, there, I was looking at how, all the things that bugged me about Ed and he's a great guy. I mean, after that, we actually were able to become more friendly, but that one year working with me, Holy cow, all the things that bug me about him were things that I did. And I started to have this idea in my head that says all the things that really bother you about other people, if they have any emotional impact at all, it's because you have them. And those are things that bother you about yourself, but being unwilling to look at it in yourself, you're just pointing it out in other people. You're outsourcing the blame so that you don't have to really look at. Great, wonderful. That's a cool insight. And that led to a whole train of thinking that eventually led into all kinds of different coaching opportunities, massive healing, and a lot of ways that transformed my relationship with Jasmine and with a lot of other people. [08:41.4]
It's not that I don't get irritated by people anymore. It happens on occasion, but now I can see that my irritation, anytime I'm irritated with something in them, it's literally because that's in some way, shape or form something that I'm doing, right. Now I want you to think about this in your own life. In what way are things that bug you about other people, things that you're actually doing, it might not be a one-to-one connection. For instance, you might look at somebody and think; this is EWWW…disgusting, if you're, the way that they eat, right. Oh my gosh, it's so disgusting! Look at them, filling their mouths full of stuff. But are there times in your life where you just shove dunk, junk food down your throat and you have excuses for like, Oh, I've been good this week and whatnot. Does that happen to you? [09:36.1]
Or are you afraid of it? Are you still afraid of not being in control, that it's just, what is disgusting to you about it, is it that they're eating that stuff or is it that they have no concerns at all about eating it and they seem to be okay with it treating their body that way. Are there other ways that you treat your body poorly? Do you not stretch? Do you not exercise? Do you stress yourself out constantly? Just thinking about it in the body alone, are there things that people do with how they eat or how they behave that bug you? And my challenge to you is go look at that and ask yourself where in my life do I do that too? In what way? Now we move over to say your spirituality or your spiritual practices, you know that person's not a good person. What are things that people do that bug you about how they operate within a spiritual setting? Could be religion, could just be spiritual practices. It could be a host of other things. [10:38.2]
And the only thing that somebody just came and offered me a ride, then I totally shrugged them off and didn't even say anything. So you look at me being rude. Let that be a note to you all. I was so busy trying to do one thing and talk to you that I treated another human being poorly and didn't thank him. Okay, cool. Are there things that happen to you like that? Do people pull out in front of you in traffic and you get upset with them because they're not paying attention in whatever the areas in your life, are you not paying attention? Spirituality? Oh, that person, they don't do anything that we're asking them to do. Are there areas in your life where you have been asked to do things, certain obligations or responsibilities that you feel like you have and you're not living up to, right. And when somebody else does it, you feel you kind of get on their case. Okay. What about your relationships? Jasmine used to, she always hates, like scheduling is really important to her and then she would turn around and she would interrupt me in the middle of my day without warning or without notice, because she wanted my help with something. And I used to get really upset with her and being like, look, she has this scheduling thing. And I think I've talked about this before. [11:49.5]
And she thinks everybody needs to schedule and honor her schedule, but then she'll walk in and interrupt my day. And there I was getting emotional about it, thinking I was right. Thinking, see, look, the thing that she's, that's her pet peeve is really just something that she does and she needs to own that. But then I sat back and thought about it and I was like, wait a second. I do this to her all the time. If I'm getting emotional about it, it's because I do it too. And I don't like it about myself. And sure enough, as I thought about it all the times I had a cool insight or I wrote a great poem or I did a cool thing. I run in and I'd be like, Hey honey, I did this the cool thing and I just start talking. I'd talk over the kids. She'd be in the middle of doing something. It would have to stop and focus. And I would do this to her all the time, recognizing that I was being rather insensitive and unfeeling and uncaring toward what it was she was doing. Okay. [12:48.7]
What about your activities in the world? Your hobbies, your business, your career? In that area of life are there things that people are doing in that arena? People at work they you have a tick or something where in your life do you do that too? Are there things about money that you feel like are not fair? Oh, that guy spent so much money, you know, or he's not even careful with his money. Where in your life are you not careful or where in your life are you extravagant in your spending? Right? Each in each case, hypocrisy is a chance for you to look inside yourself and ask this one question. If this is bugging me emotional, if it really does bother me emotionally, then where in my life do I do it too? And again, it's not necessarily a one-to-one ratio. You might have it in a slightly different way, right? But if you look at it clearly enough, like, Oh, well they said that they would drop this by and they didn't drop it by, cool. It may be that I have never forgotten to drop something by for someone else, but there is probably a time where I said I would do something and didn't do it. And so you might have to zoom out a little bit. Now, let me give you two examples, we are going to talk about lawn mowing, I want to talk about littering. [14:02.0]
If you or someone you know is looking to drop the F-bomb of “Freedom” in their life, whether that's from past trauma, depression, anxiety, addiction, or any other host of emotional and personal struggles, but they just don't know how or wants some help doing it. Head on over to thefreedomspecialist.com/feelbetternow and check out some of the things we've got in store for you or book a call so we can look at your unique situation and get you the help that you're looking for. [14:29.8]
Alright, lawn mowing. Every week, if you have a lawn, most people are wandering around with a lawn mower and we're cutting it down so that it doesn't grow out of control. It doesn't grow seed heads and you know, get too long so, so things are in it and all the other good stuff. All the reasons why people manicure their lawns, they want it to look good and so on. What's really happening? Each of those millions of blades of grass is growing and without having done anything to you without any offense, other than that, it was simply growing the way that God intended a blade of grass to grow, we run around and we chop it off. We cut it down to size. We say, nope, sorry, you've gotten out of control. Nope, sorry, you're not allowed to grow here. And we prune it and we cut it. And we do all of these incredibly violent things to grass. [15:31.0]
We do it all the time, but we don't have any real emotion about that. We aren't like feeling this blade of grass as if it's us and then like stepping in and having some emotional breakdown because literally we're wandering around, chopping off the heads of millions, of blades of grass. Granted, they can still grow. Thankfully they're not built like humans, where if you chop off their heads, that's pretty much sayonara. But still we are, it would be like running around, chopping off people's arms, right. They can still survive. But for what reason, right? Why are you chopping off there so that they got in my way, there were too. So we're, we're in one sense of life, very, very unfeeling about a lot of things. We don't have any emotional attachment to, Oh, if something gets in my way, I cut it down. I, I prune it. I cut it back. I weed it. I pull it out of the ground. I kill it. I shoot bug spray on the bugs. I put mousetraps out from mice and I do all these different things. I'm not saying that's a bad thing, but consider, just consider what's going on in other areas of your life. [16:40.6]
Someone you get in someone else's way and they honk the horn at you and you feel all upset and they didn't do anything but honk the horn and it somehow rattles you or someone else gets in your way and the rest of life and you kind of like take them to task in the same way. Or you become the victim, you know. Well, cool CEO, their company is going a different direction and they've just decided, Hey, look, we don't need you anymore and they cut you loose and they cut off your, your stream of income, right. No more than turning off the sprinklers and saying, sorry, we're not going to water you anymore. And they don't do it necessarily like cold heartedly. It's just, this is what's needed in the moment. But how resentful do we get to people who are simply trying to live their life the best way they know how, and that's everyone. And making decisions that affect us in some way, shape or form, or at least affect our circumstances. And we turn those into an excuse to get self-righteous and judgment about how they are treating people miserably and how they're not good people or how they should do things differently or how they're smart or dumb or any number of other judgments that we place upon them. Because they did something that we didn't like. And yet often do we turn around and do something that other lives wouldn't like. [17:52.6]
Do we hunt for food? I'm fairly certain that in most cases, the deer are not just running up saying, shoot me now; I would love to be your dinner. Or, or that the trees are just like, trees want you to take their fruit because they understand that the seed in the fruit is going to perpetuate the species. So that's their way of reproducing. They're not; you're not actually eating the fruit of the tree, the fruit is the seed, the meat around it, which we eat and we call the fruit, it's just is the bait, right. And so they that's different, right. They definitely want you to eat that. But there's so many other things that are not just trying to like, Hey, I would love to be dead now. They're literally giving them we're taking their lives because we want to, because that's, what's going to work for us. And as inconvenient as it is for them, we've decided that's what we're going to do and we do it. [18:43.0]
So take a look back in, we've mow the lawn. We hunt, we kill things. We take advantage of other people all the time. And we get, we resent people for doing that to us. When you find yourself, resenting another person, take a step back and ask yourself where in your life do you do it? What you will find when you do this is if you do it really sincerely with your heart, is it the sting of resentment starts to dissipate and you recognize that you can start to see life as it is that people simply do things. And that's how it's been. And you've done those very same things. And your level of compassion will start to rise. Okay. Here's another final example of hypocrisy that I think is a fun one, littering, littering. [19:27.6]
Don't litter, we say, what does that mean? We take something from the earth, we turn it into a product that we want and when we know when we no longer want it, we throw it in the garbage. And so we throw it in a garbage can and then those garbage cans go to the dump and whatnot, so whatnot. So littering for us is no throwing trash in places on the earth like just willy nilly where it's not in the garbage can. Right? But if you think about the rest of humanity, what are we doing? Littering is we're creating waste that is unsightly, we don't want it. We see this; we've created something out of the earth. It's ugly. And so what we've done is we've built a system that removes it out of sight out of mind. We put it in these dumpsters, they drive it to another place and we litter over there. We just litter in a place where nobody else can see it. We're dumping our trash in big holes in the ground that we dig or in transfer stations. And those get taken out places or in the ocean. And we're littering. We're literally littering. But we don't think we're littering because, well, we did it according to the certain rules. It's okay to litter. If you put it in these bins, it's not okay to literally stick it on the ground. But which is more honest? [20:40.9]
I'm not saying one is better or worse. I'm not saying I would like to live in a city where trash is everywhere, but I am suggesting here than it is quite honest to be done with something and then to drop it and let it go. It's honest to see a plastic bottle on the ground because at least we know we made that. And if that were to start building up, maybe humankind would start to respond differently. But instead, what we do is we go, no, no, no, I don't want to deal with that. And we sweep it under the rug. We put it in little bins, we carry it away and we pay people to do it so that we don't have to look at the trash we've made in the mess we're making of the planet. As a result, it's going to take longer and longer for us to finally realize, wait a second, maybe this isn't the best course of action. And this is why it's so hard to mobilize people for climate change and everything else. It's because we haven't really been honest with ourselves about what we're doing. So yeah, sure. Some people literally throw it on the ground, that doesn't mean I want it there. But if I'm getting emotional about it, it's because I also litter. I litter literally by sticking my trash in the garbage can and I'm just letting it be dumped somewhere else, but I'm lying about it. I'm pretending that that's not litter, but I also dumped my garbage on other people, emotional, garbage on other people I'm done with it. And I just tell them what I think. [21:55.4]
And I say, Hey, look, I'm just going to speak my truth here, or, you know, whatnot. And we, we use that as an excuse to just dump things on other people. When there are methods of letting go of the waste inside of yourself without having other people have to deal with it. In all of this, the key way to get out of hypocrisy for me, that I've found so far in my life is just that when I feel resentment, when I feel any sort of negative emotion toward anything happening, I want to sit back and I want to ask myself where in my life do I do this? And you know, for bonus points, if you see something beautiful that another person does, you might ask yourself the same question where in my own life do I also do this? Because too often, we're ready to point the finger of blame and a negativity at other people and ourselves. But how often are we willing to point the blame of positivity, the finger of blame, the on positivity at other people and on ourselves? [22:51.1]
Our society is becoming increasingly more negative, at least from what I've seen. And for as much as we try to spread positivity, that often gets turned into negativity. Social causes, turn into riot causes and, and methods of division and hatred instead of a way of bringing people together and so on and so forth. So if you do see something that's beautiful in another person, ask yourself where in my life do I do this too, and start to own it because you couldn't see it or recognize it in them if you were, if it weren't also in you. If you're having an emotional response to it, it's a good place to sit back and look at it. So as we finish up our discussion on hypocrisy, this is my challenge to you this week, carry this question with you, ask yourself, anytime you feel negative, where in my life do I do it too? Because my bet is my hunch is that almost every time you're having a negative emotion, that is a gift from the universe, helping you finally see yourself in the mirror and helping you finally be able to identify the things within yourself that you either don't like and would like to address or do like, but have missed because you've been busy just saying everyone else is good and not you. [23:59.1]
And that's it for todays “Alive and Free Podcast.” If you enjoyed this show and want some more freedom bombs landing in your ear buds, subscribe right now at wherever you get your podcasts from. And, while you're at it, give us a rating and a review. It'll help us keep delivering great stuff to you. Plus, it's just nice to be nice. [24:17.4]
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