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Show highlights include:

  • The weird way being “pessimistic” about your relationships saves you from heartbreaks and lets you have deeper friendships (4:59)
  • How accepting that nothing lasts forever fills your life with deep gratitude and joy every day (5:15)
  • How the “Blank Pages” mindset shift turns the sadness of missing someone into joyful excitement for the future (8:04)
  • The “John Lennon Blueprint” to getting out of a rut and thrive (even in the face of adversity) (10:16)
  • Three clear signs that show you it’s time to move on and stop living in the past (10:46)

If you’re ready to rise up and become the best version of yourself, check out the 12-month mindset and accountability experience that will help you rise up here: https://jillallencoaching.com/just-breathe-sisterhood/

If you have zero energy to focus on yourself and need extra support and accountability from women who know what it’s like to juggle a crazy busy life, then go to https://jillallencoaching.com/be-fit-and-fierce/ and become unstoppable with us.

Read Full Transcript

Hi there. I'm Joe Allen. And this is find your fierce, the show designed for women to discover your fierce unlock, an unstoppable mindset, build unbreakable courage, and completely transform how you show up every single day. Each week. I will bring ideas, methods, and strategies that will inspire you to step into your greatness and live life on purpose. Let's be fit fierce and unstoppable.

(00:34): Hey there, gang. Welcome to find your fear. So glad that you're here with me as we dive into another brand new episode here, and I'm excited about this one, for sure, for some reason, as I know, so many of us are in this transition time, seasons are ending or maybe something new is on the horizon. I know for us, our oldest son, Houston graduated mid-May from college Harrison, graduated from high school just a few weeks later. And on that exact same day, his high school baseball career ended in a heartbreak loss in the district finals. And so when the game ended, the 10 seniors, the kids that we have watched and, you know, play together for 10 years, no one wanted to leave the dugout. As they all knew, it would be the last time together in their school ball uniforms. It was just a, Ugh.

(01:19): It was a moment, but everything comes to an end. There is always a last for everything. And for them, it was the final huddle. The final catch, the final hit the final game, the final bus ride. It was the end of a season. And I think back to the last time our kids crawled up into our laps for us to hold them, or, you know, maybe it was the last day of school or the last day of being single. The last day, we pour our heart and souls into a career before maybe the day that we retire or, you know, change paths or change journeys. I mean, whatever it is, fill in the blank, the last time of something that forces us to move onto something new. That is what we're gonna talk about today. Parting ways from people and bidding farewell to a season and what comes next.

(02:11): Okay. But before we go any further, I have to say that I love that you are here listening in and spending time with us. So honored that I get to be a part of your day. You are all so amazing. And I have to thank you for your love and support as always. I appreciate your feedback, your reviews, and I love that you share this podcast and the set free message with your friends and family. And so if you could keep on doing that, that would be pretty incredible because you are helping this movement as it helps reach more women and it impacts more lives. And that is certainly what life is all about. So thank you so much. Okay. So let's dive in. Are you ready? I know I am. Okay. So I gotta ask you a few questions. Are you in a holding pattern right now, thinking about a new adventure or a brand new career, maybe you're start, you know, thinking about starting your own business or perhaps taking a leap of faith and doing completely different.

(03:01): Are you a parent where your role is changing? I can't help, but think about when Houston moved down to Wilmington or Harrison wanting to spread his wings, you know, all of our kids for that matter. I mean, if you're a parent, you get this, there is a transition from when your kids go from infant to toddler, to teen, to an adult and to how much we all change when we step into that role or how our role changes daily. And to me, the scariest part, if I even wanna use that word, the part that can hold all of us back the unknown, right? And leaving what, and, and who behind the familiar for a new adventure, right? We talk about seasons in our life and the people we surround ourselves with is definitely included in that. Think about, think about our high school friends, to our college friends, to our kids' sports teams and their parents and who we hang out with during certain times in our lives, different seasons.

(03:57): What about your coworkers, you know, from job to job, to job. And, and if you're lucky enough, you get, uh, a few that become lifelong friends through all the seasons, but there's something bittersweet about bidding farewell to the people who touch our heart. It's difficult for us to leave, especially when we have invested so much of our feelings, you know, to them, it's sad to think that the bonds we have built with each other for hundreds of days or years or seasons and whatever it is will just come to an end in one word in one hug in one final wave. And when we part ways with people, there's no guarantee that the things will stay the same. And the promises we made with each other will, you know, never be broken. We will go somewhere, meet different other people, live a new life, eventually change.

(04:48): We will have, uh, maybe set new goals for all of us to reach. Maybe will outgrow the things that used to give us happiness. And the ones that we left behind will slowly become a stranger. Now, now that I painted that like picture perfect, heartbreaking image of what life is, but that's, that's the thing that's part of life. We will have to say goodbye to people once in a while, no matter how heartbreaking it is. And the best way for us to recover from the pain of losing them is to realize that not all relationships are permanent, that we will experience painful goodbyes, that we will be pulled away from the ones who mean so much to us. And sometimes we're gonna have to go and explore it a different direction. And that's okay. There's a whole new beginning. That's waiting for us once a chapter of our life closes.

(05:37): And it's true. The en endings aren't easy, but somehow that we, you know, if we learn to stop peaking at the footprints that we leave behind and be excited to what is to come guys, that's gonna be so amazing. We will learn how to stand on our own feet to be at peace with, uh, temporary friendships, different seasons, and to see the good in starting all over again, we are gonna learn the endings end of seasons. The last time can be beautiful too endings that teach us to have deeper connections with people, because we'll never know when we'll be the last time that we see them endings. That urge us to appreciate those who care for us and cherish us for never leaving our side or for always believing in us for helping us to build our dreams and vice versa. Endings that remind us not to take our time here on earth for granted.

(06:32): And I know as I grow older and have more experience in, you know, just shifting some things around in life, right? We begin to realize that we can't ask people to stay with us all the time. I think about our kids. We can't, we can't place our entire world on their shoulders and let them carry it for as long as they can, right. We can't cling to them and expect them to be satisfied at where they are. And I know our closest friends left our hometown and moved across the nation about 10 years back. And it was hard. My college besty took off and moved to Florida to start her life down there. Our son moved south to go to school and started business in North Carolina, no matter how hard I, you know, want to cling to all of them, it was not the best thing for them knew was waiting for them.

(07:17): Right? People have hopes and ambitions that might be completely different from us. And when the time has come and they're ready to chase their dreams, right? And they may pack their bags and go on their own adventures, it might be hard for them to separate ways with you, but we gotta know that it is the right thing to do in order for both of us to grow saying goodbye is something that we will encounter quite often, even if we don't sign up for it. And at a certain point, we have to know how to get used to it. And we have to find a, a way on how to move on right quickly after we put an end to our role in someone's life, or we need to be able to thrive and be positive that we're gonna be just fine, even when we're not surrounded by familiar people.

(08:03): And the best thing about closing a chapter of our story is that there's a new set of blank pages ready and waiting for us to fill that we can decide how we want our narrative to be told. We can completely create a new journey. We can start from scratch and form new relationships with people find hope in a beginning. And we can step into this new adventure that there's this beautiful uncertainty, that our new journey is exactly what we need at this exact moment in time. And whatever that's waiting for us out there is only going to bring us one step closer to where we're meant to be, to who we're meant to be. And I have to say, life is like writing a book. It has a beginning and an end. And, and, and the in between, right, there are chapters that catapult us from one event to another.

(08:55): You go to college, you get married, you have kids. And each section of our book seems to have a period. Sometimes even an exclamation mark. And for me, the hardest part can be knowing when to place that period. I've been told that, uh, actually a few times I've been told that I'm pretty driven. And it's a nice way of saying that I have tunnel vision. Although there are times when we really need to get out of a tunnel, right? Tunnels don't have periods. They start in the darkness and end in the light. And maybe that's why I like them. And I can tell you I've never been good at transitions. One reason I've been thinking about all of this is that it's summer. And I tend to start, you know, evaluating some things it's mid-year time to it is time to do a self check, especially this summer when kids are moving on, business and roles are changing at the greenhouse.

(09:49): And a lot of things are up in the air. A lot of unknowns, and yet transitions are coming and those transitions are needed. A period is needed to close the door to end a season, to start new, to start a new chapter. And you might be asking yourself right now, do I need a transition in my life? Do I need to hop out of the never ending tunnel, a new chapter? Do I need to place a period in the season that I'm in? And guys, sometimes you just know that it's time to start a new chapter. Other times we may need a little push or maybe someone is telling you that it's time to move on. That you may be stuck in a rut, or you may be so lost that. I think there's even a quote from, uh, John Lennon. It says, how can I go forward?

(10:33): When I don't know which way I'm facing? Here's the thing. No matter what your circumstances are, everyone has times where we've needed to start a new chapter in our life. And this may be yours. I wanna share with you a few signs that might shed some light and give you the clarity that you need to start a new chapter. Okay? So here's, here's a sign. You have nothing left. If you've cut off ties with everything from the current chapter, it's probably time to start a new chapter in your life. If you look at your life and realize things that used to mean the world to you, no longer hold importance, you're ready to move on. And maybe most of your friends have moved, or maybe you've quit your job. If you have nothing left guys, this is the perfect time to move on. Whether it's mentally, physically, or emotionally, okay, this is a big one for me.

(11:28): It's not an uncommon feeling to have, but if you feel stuck in survival mode on repeat, playing like a broken record, it may be time to start a new chapter in your life. Let me ask you, do you always check email in the morning for an hour? Do you always, you know, get the same cup of coffee at Starbucks? Do you handle conflicts using the same tools and techniques that maybe you learned at a seminar, you know, in 2012 or a self-help book that you read years ago? Right? Does everyone around, you know, that you're on repeat? Maybe it's the strange cooking sound. Maybe it's the look in your eyes, maybe you're going on past accomplishments or, you know, are you going through the motions and to really bring it home? The motion that you're on was never that great from the start. Maybe you just need a temporary change of scenery, or maybe you need to move all together.

(12:18): All I know is that feeling stuck is not a good feeling to have I've been there. And if you feel stuck in your current situation, you need to change something. And soon are you feeling uninspired? That's another way to recognize whether or not you need to put a period on something is to evaluate, you know, your passion level. Are you drained of passion? Do you look like a zombie? Do you feel like a zombie? It's more than just a repeating a pattern, guys. It it's not is that we don't ever try anything new that we don't step outside any type of comfort zone. It's like, we're sort of dead. Whether you're in, uh, the creative field or not, or, you know, may, you may feel completely uninspired in your current situation. I don't want you to be afraid to try something different or to start a new chapter because you're no longer inspired by what you're doing.

(13:09): It's hard to come up to terms with this, but overall, you need to feel fulfilled and inspired by what you're doing. And if you don't feel that way, guys, it's time to move on. What about a drastic life change? If you've just experienced a drastic life change, you're starting a new chapter. Whether you like it or not, a period was placed not by choice. Maybe you've lost your job. Maybe you started a new one, graduated from school. Maybe you gotten married or divorced. You're starting a new chapter in your life, and it may feel sad or bittersweet right now. But that doesn't mean that your new chapter can't be positive or happy. And as a matter of fact, when we are forced with change, we can actually see old much better and realize maybe old isn't so great. Something in our thought process changes more importantly, our perspective shifts.

(14:00): So I highly suggest not to look back and try to make the forced period into a question mark. Instead that chapter in life needed to end period. What about, here's another sign you're done living in the past. Have you always been one to live in the past? Think about the glory days. Do you like memories and, and remembering good times, have you suddenly found yourself not thinking about or carrying, you know, the, the good times from your past? If so, guys, you're ready to move on. That's exciting when you quit living in the past, you can successfully move on and start the new chapter that is very much needed in your life. Six, you need a change. Sometimes you just know that you need a change in your life. It's like this huge, massive wake up call. You may wanna quit your job or move, or just completely change everything in your life.

(14:51): Go ahead and make it, make the swap, flip it, whatever you need to do, that, that, that is around you try something different. It's okay. It's going to be okay. God's got your back. It's it's okay to make a change. If you need to stop thinking about it and do it. If that's what you need to start a new chapter in your life, go for it. And the last one here, this is so big guys for you to be able to put a period and, and to begin that new journey, if you're hopeful, this is a massive sign months ago. You may not have cared about what your future luck looked like. Maybe you are on that repeat cycle and survival mode. Maybe you didn't have time to even think about anything for your future, but now you look at the days ahead with so much hope.

(15:32): You're excited and hopeful for the possibilities. And if that's the case, don't be afraid to start over and open a new chapter of your life. I get it. It may be scary, but if you're ready and you're hopeful, you're willing to take action, take the plunge. So I gotta ask you, are you guys ready to start a new chapter of your life? There's a certain amount of fear in placing a period because it's kind of hard to go back and erase it, right? Here's my advice. Place the period. Take the risk. Start a new chapter. Whether you're starting to sense some sort of repetition or you're losing that passion. You need to embrace something new. Again, maybe it's in your career, maybe it's in your personal life or your marriage, or even your vacation plans this summer guys, I will say it again, place the period.

(16:19): Start the new chapter and letting that last chapter end means that you have decided to reach closure and that you are ready to embrace a new adventure. And without placing the period, there is no way that you will ever know what is ahead. I would never have known I would become a writer or a podcast or a personal coach, a wife or a mom, a five. If the period was not placed at some point in my life, somewhere along the way and add just because the kids are moving on, it's not an end. It means that we can all start another sentence, another adventure, another part of the journey. So what are you going to write today? I love it. I love it. I'm fired up. If you're wanting more fire in your day, there is so much for you to do so. You can follow me on Instagram.

(17:00): Now I get copy of my books, set free on Amazon. Join us in the fit and fierce, or the flip, the script one on one nutrition coaching and the next retreat. We just spent an amazing few days together at glacier. And we are now heading to Alaska. The Dolly sod's wilderness for 30 mile backpacking mission St. Thomas in the fall. We have been all over the place on epic adventures that allow us to step outside our comfort zone. So be sure to go to Joe Allen, coaching.com for all updates or join the just brief Facebook group, we would love to connect with you heads up on the next episode, we are talking about control something we all love to have, but we don't really have a lot of it. Do we? But we're gonna flip that script next week so that you can breathe a little bit. So be sure to pop back in next week. Thanks so much for joining us today. And I pray that we filled your heart with joy. If you could let us know before hopping off here today, that would be incredible. Subscribe, share this episode, link on your social media. If you felt encouraged or inspired, as we all know someone that can benefit. And I would love it. If you would give some feedback and a review as well, talk with you next time. Be fit, be fierce, be unstoppable. See ya.

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