Hi there. I'm Jill Allen and this is find your fierce, the show designed for women to discover your fierce, unlock and unstoppable mindset. Build unbreakable courage and completely transform how you show up every single day. Each week I will bring ideas, methods and strategies that will inspire you to step into your greatness and live life on purpose. Let's be fit, fierce and unstoppable.
(00:34): Hey there, gang. Welcome to find your fear so glad you are here with me today. We are wrapping up with this three part series. This week. We have been gaining a little perspective from a teenager. Harper is back with us. And like I said before, whether you have any kind of relationship with a teen, I know that you guys are loving the series. I have a feeling that you're gonna take away something new. That's gonna hit home with you today that value's gonna be added. And I can't wait for today's chat. I mean, it's just gonna be another really good day. But before we start diving in with Harper, I have to say that I love that you are here listening in and spending time with us and honored that I get to be a part of your day. Just because that you are amazing.
(01:10): And I have to thank you for your love and support. I appreciate your feedback and your reviews. And I love that you share this podcast and the set free message with your friends and family. And so if you could keep on doing that, because again, there's so much power when we share air inspiration and we lift others up, you are helping this movement as it helps reach more women and it impacts more lives. And that is certainly what life is all about. So I can't thank you enough. Okay. So Harper's here again with us and if you didn't have a chance to listen to the past two episodes, I encourage you to do so she's been dropping some fire and some truth. And I just can't say about this series because it's just so special partnering with Harper. And I just love our relationship and our candid talks and the connection where we can just show up as who we truly are and still love each other at the end of the day.
(01:57): And yes, it is possible to live with that kind of freedom and joy and purpose and intention. And I pray that you go, I get to experience that as well. And hopefully this find your fierce podcast will help you with that. And so hopefully these next few minutes we spend together, get you fired up to talk with your kids and to enjoy these years with them. And just a little recap. Harper is our oldest daughter. She's the fourth and the Allen lineup and her heart is just so and full of love. And so we wanna welcome you back Harper, how you doing? You ready for round three? Yes, I am good. I know you're just so fired up all this energy that you have. I know we did this last week and I thought I like it. I know we always start off our coaching calls with that as well, but anything good happen since we've been on here that you wanna share maybe a win or a blessing.
(02:48): And I just love asking this question because we get to choose what we focus on, despite all the chaos around us. So if you have a win or something that you wanna share, go for it. I'm so happy I'm doing this podcast with you. Okay. Are you being sarcastic? No, I like you're for real. Yes. Oh, okay. No, I love it. No, this is good. Well, I'm just here to make your dreams come. True, girl, being a speaker. This is the, the more we do it. I tell you back, I go back and listen to my first few podcasts that I did two years ago and I die laughing. It is hilarious because of just the changes of everything. And, and I liked seeing, I like seeing the growth and the progress. And so whether we're showing up, we're not perfect around here, but we show up and, and, and we work on getting better each and every day.
(03:41): So, yeah. I'm glad that you said that that's a win for me too. That was my win for the week. My daughter loves being here with me. Okay. So this one gosh, this is right up my alley. These were some questions that were asked by the just breed sisterhood again as well. And we're gonna dive right into, into the, but let's talk a little bit about excuses. I mean, we all have them, right? I mean, it's a normal human, human nature to have excuses. I mean, do you have any excuses? Yes, I do. You do? What are your top ones? I can't. Mm, that that's like the only one I pretty much say, cause I can. I know. And I, I, I can't stand it when people say I can't. I know I it's. Well, it's because it's hard things. Yeah. Things get hard.
(04:31): We're faced with an obstacle or we're faced with a roadblock. And again, by default as humans, I get it. We, we say I can't and we come up with these excuses is or justifications for that. Let's I think of a moment and it wasn't too long ago. What was it? Back in December, maybe near Christmas. It was right before Christmas and I was doing a time trial. That was probably the first time in a very, very long time. And the last time I've said I can't with that. And you were with me in that process. I mean, you could probably see my mind working. Do you wanna share, or do you want me to share? I sure. Okay. Go for it. Yeah. Cause I, I wanna hear your side of the story and if there's anything that needs to be tweaked or adjusted to Harper story, I will interject or no, I will wait until she's done. And then I'll show are my side of the story.
(05:24): I don't really remember why I went on this bike ride. I think it was for me to go to another friend's house. Oh, I think it was actually another, but I don't. How long was, how long were you going? Couple miles. Yeah. Three miles. I knew it was gonna be hard. Cause I, I can't remember the last time you ran. So I was like, yeah, she might die, but it's fine. Yeah. It's the first lunch. She'll be fine. We're going and she's going like fast. And I was like, dude, you're going to like die. Like I'm just telling you. She's like, no, I'm good. I'm good. I was like, okay. We were like almost done. And she goes, I'm done. I'm not doing this. I'm quitting. I am never doing this. I'm just done. I was like, this is your first like, time trial. Like you're already quitting.
(06:12): Like there's no quitters in the Allen family. I'm not. And she was so mad and I was like, why, why are you quitting? Like, yeah, well, you know what? Okay. That, that pretty much is like spot on. But to give you guys a little bit of backstory on this, I, I was recovering from COVID. It was like the worst two weeks ever. And I had been training for an Ironman event that was gonna take place in June. And so my first week of training was several weeks and that's when I ended up getting COVID. And so technically I should have been like on week four of my training. And so in my head, I was already going in on that wheel of self-doubt and I, I can do this. This is I'm weak, I'm tired. There's no way that I can gain this back. This, the, the training that I lost in that, but I tried.
(07:06): Okay. and so I did a time trial just to get a base for my heart rate. Cause I do train with a heart rate process and journey for that. And it was a horrible, horrible time. And I, I was in a lot of pain. I mean, I, oh my gosh. And I think the whole time I was saying or what I was speaking to myself, talk about the power of this. And I even was saying like, I, I coach people on this. What am I doing? And I was speaking, such negative things. And I, I did, I was like, I'm done, I can't do this. I, I quit the training. There's no way that I can you know, come back in on this and I hear you were on a bike. Yeah. Okay. You forgot that part of the story.
(07:45): Did you tell them that you were on a bike? I don't remember. Yeah. Probably on a bike peddling backwards because I was going so slow trying, you know, cuz you were like right there, but beside me, but I do, I remember you saying, you know, mom, we don't quit keep going. And even though I wanted to quit on that training run, you know, I didn't, I gave it everything I had just because of that. And you were watching and, but it, but I thought it was good that you could see that I, that I am struggling with some of the things that you guys go through too. Does it matter what age? Yeah. Talk about. Oh, that is CRA. That, that was, that was a story. When we are faced with hard things, that was just my hard at that moment. It's crazy. And so I remember like thinking, okay, Joe junior over there, coaching me through all of this.
(08:33): Thank God you were there. Yeah. Thank goodness. But this was asked it kind of like goes with a question. It fits with a question that was asked by a teacher at the local high school. Okay. And she asked, do we push kids to up level? Or do we accept that life is hard and that they just can't right. Because here, here it is. As a teacher, she's hearing all these excuses from kids and teens as to why they can't do something. And she is saying in giving them 50 reasons of why they can, but it got to the point of like, well, okay, how much do we push? And at the same time, how much do we accept that? Life is hard because it's hard. Okay. It's inevitable. We're gonna be all faced with time, crunches, illness and sickness and tough stuff. I mean that's life.
(09:25): I mean, there's, that is a guarantee that we are going to be faced with challenges. And so what is it that you think what's your gut like your, your guts first instinct when it comes to, you know, do you, do you want people to push you to up level or do you want people to just accept that life's hard and that you should just go ahead and settle. I wanna be pushed just because it makes me a stronger person and like, you can get more things done. If people are pushing you and like making you become a better person. So do you think challenges help kind of prepare you for things that maybe God knows that you need in the future? Yeah. Anything can come up at any time, you just have to push through it and you'll get through it. Like, yeah. Well, and, and I know something too, when we're talking about pushing through things and showing up it's with God as our partner, as our side, like we're not doing this on our own free will, like, we're not doing this on our own strength.
(10:29): I mean, we have to have some higher power helping us through this stuff. That's what I mean. Like I, when I hear you say push through, it's not just you pushing through. Yeah. But you're choosing like, I'm gonna continue to do this. I've got God on my side and we're gonna walk forward. I love it. When people hold me accountable, set some, some expectations goals, as long as those things. And, and this is where we can get sidetracked, I think is the goal aligned with what the Lord's asking you to do, right? I mean, God wants you to be the best, very, the, the best version of yourself. Right. He knows what you can achieve. He knows what all kids can achieve. He knows what adults can achieve. So that pushing is, does that align with what he is wanting you and what you've been created to do in life?
(11:23): Hmm. I think I like to be pushed too. Yeah. Yeah. I, I, and, and challenged, especially when we can flip the script right. When we can flip that challenge and that hard into, okay, what am I learning from this? What is God teaching me? How is this making me stronger? What can I learn from this? Hmm. You know, what are three things? There's a few things. There's probably a lot of things, but can you name three things that your dad and I don't really tolerate when it comes to excuses. Cause you guys are really good as, as kids to give, like excuses are being, you can justify anything, right? Yeah. What are three things that your dad and I don't tolerate? When we say I can't, I don't care. It's not my fault. Mm. Yeah. I know. We already talked a little bit about the I can't.
(12:21): Right. Because you can if not, let's find a way let's pray about it. See what God's asking you to do. How can we find a solution? How can you the, I don't care. Oh, it's the, I don't care. As in, like, when you say what's for dinner and you say, I don't care it's I don't mean like that. I don't care. It's like the, I don't care of. I don't even care. Right. Does that make sense? There's a big difference. Like, I don't care, like explain that to them because it can be confusing. I'm not asking you what you want for dinner and you don't like know and like, oh, anything's good. I don't care. It's I don't care about school. I don't care about sports. I don't care. I don't care about going to church. I don't wanna do any of those things.
(13:07): Like I don't even care. Mm. That gets me. Oh. And then talk a little bit about, it's not my fault. Have you ever, yes. You've used that. I should even ask you that. You've used that before. I don't use it a lot. Like I use, I can't more than any other excuses for sure. I know. We, I gotta catch myself on all of that. Because as again, we wanna have a default. We want to blame someone, something there's always a, but right. It's not my fault, but, so I don't know, guys, if you, as a parent and you hear your kids say that, or if you hear yourself say those things, we let's flip the script. You know, I can't into, I cans and I don't care. As in, I'm gonna show up and do my best. And I do care about what's going on present moment.
(13:57): And it's not my fault. It's in like, how can I flip it? How can I take some personal responsibility? How can I take ownership? How can we teach this? And sh and model this and show this to our kids, even on the days that we don't want to. Okay. So I already asked you this a little bit about, you know, how to that high level from your teachers, your parents, your mentors, your coaches, and you, and you like to be pushed. There's so much potential that goes untapped. When you've got a coach, when you have a teacher, when you have somebody pouring their hearts into you, sharing, like all the reasons that you can and, and challenging you to do hard things, things that maybe not be your, be your best, that you're, that you're are really good at, but I feel that there's untapped potential.
(14:41): And because of that, we tend to settle or we hold back and we don't find these solutions. So I think about times that we're being pushed. Okay. And, and of course, we can talk a little bit about sports. I mean, parents sometimes go crazy when it comes to the sports things. I try to let the coaches coach and just love you. Cause I love watching all of you guys play and do your do your thing. But I can think of two scenarios that when things have, have been hard for you, when it comes to sports and I can see your confidence, you know, take off and soar, and then I can, and, and I can see times where your confidence just like plummets and the impact on that. And one of the stories, well, why don't you share it? And I know we talk a little bit about this, but you, you Kate him in first place at a state cross country meet for the junior high, it was cold.
(15:36): It was rainy. And you took off. And I remember asking you, I mean, there was like these, like you were zoned out, like your eyes were like, oh my, like on fire, like you had this confidence about you before leading up to the race during the race and obvious after the race talk a little bit about when that was hard, cold, rainy day, you've trained, you've done the work. And I asked you, what were you speaking to yourself? What was the language? What was your voice in your head during those moments? Do you wanna kind of talk a little bit about that? The whole, I was like, I'm winning this. I got this. Just like being very positive because that seriously made me, like, I didn't think about how much it hurt, like it hurt, but I was trying not to think about that. Cuz if you think about that, it slows, it slows yourself down.
(16:29): But I was just, I'm winning this from right when the gun went off and I was like, I'm winning this. Like I can win this. Like it's like, I worked hard. So yeah. I mean I, and we saw that and it's amazing like when we have that mindset and that mentality of all the courage and the, and the strength and the confidence that God can provide. And when we team up with him, as well as taking the action and doing the hard work, it's just so good. Now I also seen where your confidence has plummeted and, and we can see it on kids' faces. We can see it on adults of, if anything, that's holding us back. Let's talk a little bit about your basketball season. Absolutely amazing. You've had no, you've had an amazing season. Your team is, is fire. Your, which is great.
(17:15): It's just been a fun, fun season. But for some reason lays, I can't challenge for you. Oh, you just said I can't. You can. I know. I know, but you can. And that's the thing though, is the confidence. And there was a time where you were going down the court and, and I'm what I've seen is I have, I've watched you and guys, I know you can take your layup story, whatever that is in your life. And you can apply this to you is when things are hard, when things aren't going your way, when things aren't like fallen into place, the confidence can be chipped away at, and the doubt starts creeping in. And I've S I, and I've watched this through the season that you don't attack the basket. You've like, you've backed off a little bit. You're stepping, maybe you're traveling right before the shot. You're hoping for the foul, you know, you're fleeing and I, I see it. And I remember asking you one game and I could see the frustration. I could see the hurt that is, is going on just from your facial expressions. But I remember asking you when you got in the car and I said, girl, what are you thinking about when you're going in for a lay? And what, and what was your response? I need to make this.
(18:27): Yeah. Do you, do you hear the difference between I need to, and I am. Yeah. It's like this self-induced pressure that we put on ourselves. All of us guys, all of us who is listen, who are listening to this today. I mean, we put that pressure on ourselves. Like I need to, I got to me, me, me, me, no know you don't. And so we start feeding that into our head and what we think about impacts our actions, our behavior, which impacts our reality and potentially the outcome. Right. And I, and I saw your brain ticking. Like I could just see it thats secure that doubt. And then the, I think the next time you went down the court or whatever, you just drove like through, and they had this power mentality and you, you just laid it up and it, and it went in and I could see the difference between that confidence level on that.
(19:27): What can we say? What can we do to help kids, to help teens, to help parents help teens with the confidence level and their mindset? What does it come down to? You just have to believe in yourself, like you do it. You just gotta, yeah. You just have to trust yourself and just know that you can do it. And yeah. Yeah. There's power in what we think about and what we speak. Do you agree? Yep. Hmm. Yeah. Are you ready to wrap this up? I can tell. No, no. That's okay. Let me guess something came across your, like your phone or your screen and you gotta get off here. No, no, you gotta be in the moment. It girlfriend. Yeah. I am in the moment. Good. I love you. Well, you know, and that, that's the thing. And I'm, we're gonna wrap this up.
(20:25): So you're saying you think kids wanna be pushed or you, or do you think I want to be pushed? I don't know. I think everyone needs to be pushed in some little way, but yeah, but for me, it's like, I wanna be pushed every single time. Yeah. Mm that's such a tough question. I don't, I don't know. We can go back and forth on this all day. I think there's a fine line. Knowing your kids, knowing you know, who you're working with, knowing your team as to when to push. I, I remember being back in track and coach Ortman, oh my gosh, our group, like our four by four and our four by eight, even blessed to be able to coach be coached by him as well. But he knew that our group could be pushed with 10, four hundreds, 12 400 S and we would just like hammer it out.
(21:11): And there's some kids that weren't able to, to do that mentally. And so I think it's really important to be able to know and understand your kids and having that open communication again, as to what it is versus the shaming and the judgment and asking questions, I think, and just loving on him no matter what is going on, but it's that speaking life speaking life, that can be that little inner voice in, in our kids' minds. Hmm. Is there anything that you wanna add? Nothing. No, man. Okay. Okay. We're gonna wrap it up. Like we always do with some fun stuff. What is one thing you love about me? Don't you love these questions. I love you think your dancing is cool. Like a little windshield wiper move.
(22:00): Oh, oh, thanks for that image. Yeah. Okay. Awesome. And what's one thing I need to work on guys. I I'm afraid to even ask this question because it's tough, you know, when being vulnerable like that. So what's something that I need to work on to improve for you. There's pretty much nothing. What you're really like feeding my ego here now, guys. I did not tell her to say that. There's nothing I need to work on. No, I'm just perfect. The way I am. Yeah. So are you, it's good. Thanks for speaking life. You're like, you're like an amazing, oh, life giver for sure. Learn. Well, I'm glad that you're here. I'm glad we've had three weeks and I'm, I'm glad that you had enough confidence and courage to come in and, and share your heart. And I know it's scary especially when you're stepping outside your comfort zone and I hope you inspired.
(22:59): I know you did. You inspired someone that is listening here to do something that is hard to be pushed outside that comfort. And so thank you so much for being that inspiration. I know you are for me. So save the date. The upcoming inspire leadership retreat is set for April 30th and registration is open on February 22nd. This retreat is designed specifically for girls in grades five through eight, and includes interactive workshops on topics such as leadership, confidence, resilience, self-care, and community service. I know our girls are so super excited to be a part of day. There is also opportunity for high school, junior and senior girls to make a difference in the community and earn community service hours while mentoring. So check it all out@inspirefoundation.com. And if you're wanting more fire in your day, follow me on Instagram or join us in the, just breathe Facebook group heads up on the next episode, we are continuing another faith filled and inspiring message. So be sure to join us next week. Thanks so much for joining us today. And I pray that we filled your hearts with joy. And if you could let us know before hopping off here today, that would be incredible. Subscribe, share. This is a link on your social media. If you felt encouraged or inspired, as we all know someone that can benefit. And I would love it. If you would give some feedback and a review as well, talk with you next time, be fit, be fierce, be unstoppable. See ya.
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