Hi there. I'm Jill Allen and this is find your fierce, the show designed for women to discover your fierce, unlock and unstoppable mindset. Build unbreakable courage and completely transform how you show up every single day. Each week I will bring ideas, methods and strategies that will inspire you to step into your greatness and live life on purpose. Let's be fit, fierce and unstoppable.
(00:34): Hey there, gang. Welcome to find your fierce. So glad you are here with me today. We are kicking off a new three part series this week, and we're gonna gain a little perspective from a teenager. And whether you have any kind of relationship with a teen, I just know that you're gonna love the series because I have a feeling that you are going to be able to take away something that's gonna hit home to you, to your family, and it's gonna add value to your day. And so I'm pretty excited about, I know I can't wait. It's gonna be so, so good. But before we introduce you to our special guest and go any further today, I have to say that I love that you are here listening in and spending time with us. So honored that I get to be a part of your day.
(01:16): I know that you guys are just so amazing. I have to thank you for all of your love and support. And as always, I appreciate your feedback and your reviews and love that you share this podcast and the set free message with your friends and family. And so if you could keep on doing that because there's so much power, when we share inspiration and lift others up, you are helping this movement as it helps reach more women and it impacts more lives. And that is certainly what life is all about. So thank you. Just thank you for being here. Okay. So let me tell you about our special guest. It's like, I am truly living the dream. I mean, like, this is the best day ever one of my best days ever, for sure. I'm here with my oldest daughter, Harper Lynn, she's 14.
(02:00): She's full of life. I'm. I in love with her smile, but even more so I'm in love with her heart. And to be honest, I'm about ready to jump out of my seat because I get, spend this time sharing her with you. And so introducing to you, my daughter Harper, how you holding up, girl? Are you ready for this? Yeah, I is. I mean, you know, you were on here. What about a year? A year and a half ago. I mean, was that right? Was it about a year and a half ago? Yeah. And I remember it was so impactful because you were actually sharing your like faith story and your journey on that episode. So I just know, I encourage anybody who's listening to here. I mean, just go back and listen to that. I'll even repost it too, because it was just so good.
(02:50): And I'm just excited that you are here back with us. So let's share, well, first off I know you're nervous. I, I remember the first time I did my very, very first podcast, you know, I had all these like questions and doubts and you know, worried about what I was gonna say and all this good stuff. So anybody who's here listening is part of that journey and that process as well. You don't have to worry about the thousands of women that are, that are gonna listen to this guys. You should see her face right now. You know, this is just you and me talking. And I get that you're nervous. And that's a good thing because there just means that there's something that you have something to share and say to so many. So I'm just glad that you're here and that I wanted to say that before we, we kicked off, but let's talk to them a little bit about how we actually decided to do this series.
(03:37): Do you want me to share or do wanna talk a little bit about it? You can share first. Oh, OK. No, no, that's fine. It's good. I, well, we were in the car and I don't even know what we were really how we got on this topic. But you had mentioned that you love doing ministry work, that you wanted to be a speaker and here I am driving. It's like I wanted to pull the car over because I was just so excited because of that vision and that dream. It's like, you know, I know your dad calls you JJ, Joe Jr. But I'm telling you, you're growing into this amazing woman. And when I heard that you wanted to speak and go into ministry, it was just like, oh my gosh, this is so good. And so my first thing was, let's do a podcast.
(04:22): Let's, let's get you back on the podcast and you could practice for that. And after all of that, and guys, there's a point to this, me sharing the story. It's like, what did you say immediately? When I said, let's do a podcast, do you remember? I said, I don't like my voice over recordings. Like I just don't like, and it just is weird. Yeah, I know. And in it funny how here we were talking about dreams and visions and, and goals or, or whatever it may be. And when we get excited about something like that, boom, what does the enemy do? Come? You know, it comes in, attacks. Us tells us that we're not good enough that you're not worthy enough. You, you know, you need to be afraid. You need to be scared. Here's it places that little seat of doubt in your head, because you are so confident sharing that you wanted to be a speaker and, you know, go into ministry.
(05:12): And I'm like, okay, here's our, here's our chance. Here's, here's something that you can do. And, and you can take action on and then boom, you don't wanna hear your voice. So, I mean, I remember, oh no, we're squashing that we're doing this. Let let's, it's go time. Are you fired up? Yeah. Okay, good. Well, and, and here's the thing like, this is not just with you, like with teens guys, we're gonna talk a little bit about, you know, the teen perspective on everything, but I think it's so relatable to women right now, because if we don't outgrow these things and, and mature and grow in our faith and our journey, then what happens is the, the little girl that we, you know, and, and the young woman, they grow up to be adults with the same type of mindset and belief, whether we're believing the lies or whether we're flipping the script and, and talking a little bit about truth.
(06:02): So yeah, this is, I think this is gonna be really, really good. You good? Okay. We're good. Okay. Let's do this. So we were gonna have this. Oh, this is funny. Remember, okay. Here we were. She agreed one podcast. And how is this turning into a three part series? Do you remember your little negotiating skills that I wanted someone to spend the night? And I said, I would do three podcasts. You the deal. And I know. So you talk about, I mean, it was a question I think, I think is Danielle and said, how do you get your kids to do things and chores and all that stuff? And what types of things incentivize them? I tell you what, when you have a kid that likes to negotiate and kind of work out deals and it, and it works to both sides and, and benefits both, I think that's pretty good.
(06:53): And so here you were, you asked a friend to spend the night and I was like, oh, okay. You know, whatever. And you just said, well, I'll do three. And here we are, we're doing a three part series. And I was like, secret. I was gonna say yes to you anyway. Right. Did you know that? Nope. Yeah, there you go. So here we are, we are locked into a three part series and she's still negotiating for Starbucks for that, but heads up guys, I'm not making her do the this is something that I love partnering with her. And we, we just have like real candid conversations a lot of times. And we're just kind of taking it live and you guys can plug in and join us on this. So we were gonna take a day off of school, or at least a half day today for you to record this.
(07:35): And this is kind of funny because we ended up with snow day. So it, it's not like you're really missing school an an extra day. Your, your sister was happy about that. Wasn't she? Yes. Very happy. I know she was getting kind of jealous there that you were taking the morning off. So we asked, let's kinda dive into this. We asked the, just breathe Facebook group, what they would like to hear and what they would love for you to share with them again, from that teenage, you know, young adult perspective. And I know there's so much we can talk about there's so many different directions that we can kind of go down and kind of dig down in that little rabbit hole of where we can go, but moms wanna know moms, wanna know, teachers wanna know coaches wanna know, you know, how does the teenage brain work in, in today's, you know, culture and, and world.
(08:28): And so one of the questions was life from that teen's perspective. And the question was, how do you juggle it all? I mean, it's a common question. I mean, I, I had that question asked to me as an adult, like, how do you do it? You know, you run businesses, you have five kids you're married, you know, you know, just how do you keep up with everything with the church and the friends and the family and, and everything. And so it's, it's like, how do you do it all? And because, I mean, think let's kind of list and share with them what you're involved in your I have school, I have sports. I have have time with family. I have many friends church, and I just have many things going on in my life. Yeah, you really do. I mean, student school every day, you know, you leave at seven 15 one of those kids that sets their alarm at six, you get up and, and you just get it done and get ready.
(09:20): And a lot of times you don't get home until, you know, five o'clock and then on game days and, and things like that, it's even later sports. What, what kind of sports do you do? I mean, I know, but share with that basketball on track. Yeah. I mean it's year round. Yeah. So I remember, you know, well, when I, when my days are full and I like to say full versus busy, right. Because busy, I mean, we can be so addicted to busy and where as a badge is like, oh, look at me. I'm so busy. You know, you ask somebody how they're doing. You're like, oh my gosh, I'm so busy. I'm tired. I'm exhausted. You might even be that person that says that. But, you know, I think your days are full. I mean, do you agree? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, so do you ever get like overwhelmed because that's a lot going on, do you ever feel anxious or feel pressured, you know, to keep up with all that stuff?
(10:15): Yeah. There's so, because like, you go from one thing to the next and like, you just have to like focus on many things and then it just like just keeps adding on a lot things. Yeah. I mean, balance, I mean, that's something that we talk a lot about here on, you know, fine, your fierce and even in the fit and fierce group or the just breathe sisterhood is like, is there a, a, such a, a thing as true balance on things. And like I said, we're all in the same boat because the society or the world and the expectations that they have on us is like, the more you do, the more you're worth, the more you're valued or the more you are producing and doing good works and striving and push and achieving and going to the next level. It's like, oh, that's, you know, that's the be, that's the way to live.
(11:03): Like, that's what you need to be doing. And that pressure can trickle down, you know, especially with a mom who had that mentality down into their, their children to you. Because to, to me, you're a doer. Yeah. I mean, you do. I mean, it's just like one thing, boom, but boom. But boom. I love that, but do you, for whatever reason, and we can kind of go into this a little bit is you do it so well with so much grace? It's like, when, so when coach Shev asked the question, I'm like, girl, I'm using her as my leader. Like I get caught up in all of that and I'm learning things from her. So how do you take it in stride? You just have, you made it look effortless, you just gotta focus on one thing at a time and just get through everything just day at a time.
(11:57): One thing at a time. Yeah. Like it's that simple? Just be in the moment. Yeah, pretty much. Yeah. Well, how do you stay in the like moment? I mean, okay. So do you think about other things when you are, are like at school? I mean, are you thinking about track practice? Are you thinking about basketball or are you at school? Kinda depends. Sometimes I think about many things at school, but at school I try to think of school and then when basketball or track comes, I think about my sports and stuff. And then when you're in church, you're, you're focus with church or time with the Lord you're you're there. It reminds me of what my track coach always used to say. It was his mantra of be where you are. Doug Henwood was always really good about that. So just be where you are.
(12:48): Yeah. Hmm. Okay. That's do you have any tips on that as to be where you are besides to just focus on what you're doing at that current moment? I don't know. You always seem to have fun with whatever you're doing. Yeah. Yeah. Huh. Okay. I gotta laugh about the balance part. Okay. So it was just a couple days ago you were featured in a little local magazine from one of article about, you know, you being the student of the month and they, they were talking little bit about your cross country season on that. And it was like, oh gosh, this proud moment. And I had shared it on Facebook. I was like, oh, check this out. This article's great student of the month, all this, all this good stuff. And it was what, not just, I, it was wasn't even three hours later.
(13:38): And you were texting me, what were you texting? I texted you, I go, I got a detention. Yeah, yeah. Talk about balance. You go from of the month to detention. Oh my goodness guys. I'm telling you what your kids and their phones, they cannot be out in the hands during class. That is for sure. So yeah. You got a lunch attention the same day that your student of the month article I about died. Okay. Obviously we know we need to, you know, make sure that your phone's in, in your bag, but that's, we're keeping it real. So it's pretty funny. That's how you do it gang. Okay. And, and, you know, there's gonna be times we mess up, right? Yeah. I think that's, that's the biggest thing is like, you know, juggling everything and just, you know, trying to balance it all. You know, I heard once where, you know, if you're juggling, you just don't drop the same all it's, you know, twice or, or two days in a row.
(14:39): And that's kind of where it gets out of hand. Like, there's always gonna be some things outta balanced, outta balance when you have that, when you have full days and you've been blessed with activities and things, and that you're just, you know, pouring your heart into. So it's funny. Cause I remember the same thing with Houston. Houston was in trouble with one of his buddies and I think they were putting him in a holding room, like in ISS one day. And he's gonna like call me up when he hears this, that I'm sharing this. But he was in the ISS room as they were trying to determine, like what should they punishment be? And he got a, a pass in the hall that he got student of the week you know, the same way. And I was like, I don't understand how can you be sitting in the ISS room and then still get a little piece of paper.
(15:23): Isn't that funny? Like we, we mess up, we fall short as humans. So yeah. And I know a lot of the people, you know, we share our highlight reel on all of that and it, we can easily get caught up in the comparison mode and look side to side. And, but at the end of the day, you know, there's a lot of things going on and the perfection is not one of them. So I don't know. It's good. So what, what can you share with moms listening today? I mean, how can we support teams? What is it that you crave? What is it that you love? What is it that you like, you know, to be able to, you know, gain that support and that encouragement, especially when it comes to juggling a lot of things in their life. I mean, what from a team, do you need to thrive?
(16:13): Yeah. Parents need to know that everyone messes up. Oh. But they always still love us. I just like how they like talk to us, even if you mess up a lot and depends on how big, like you mess up and just going to youth group, just having a relationship with the board really just helps just yeah. Cause you're part of, you know, you're a, a student leader in, in the youth, the youth program. And so that's in something that I know you kids really enjoy. That's at the tree. You have been going to the tree now for a year and the youth program, there is just absolutely phenomenal and opportunities for you, your friends, your siblings, you know, it all kind of participate in. So yeah, that's pretty good. Let's kinda back up a little bit on the communication aspect of things. You mentioned that you just love it when we, we talk with you.
(17:07): Can you explain that a little bit more because there's so many different forms of talking, you know, I mean the side where we just like can, as parents can shut you out and we don't know what to say because we're so lost or we can yell. Yeah. And just because we're so disappointed, I think that's the biggest thing. And then of course we can, you know, talk with you calmly and you know, try to have that open communication. How can we get to that open communication part? I mean, this, this is a tough question. And I know I didn't like put this on our little questionnaire sheet and guys she's given me the look. I said, why are you asking me a question that we didn't talk about? But this is where it's the real talk. So no, yes, you mess up. But there's so many good things that you guys do too.
(17:54): And I know that in our family, we don't focus on every time, you know, you guys mess up. And we talk about the good things too, a lot. We like to really focus on that. But from the communication standpoint, how can we get that, that flow? Or is there a certain time of the day or a way that you as teens like it, because I know when you walk down in the morning and if you're grouchy, like I know, but I'm like, oh, I'm not talking to her this morning. Like I'm not even going there, you know, but when you're jacked up sideways excited and like do a TikTok dances and things like that, it's a whole different, it's a whole different ballgame. So what is it that you see that you can share with parents about H what you love when it comes to communication?
(18:39): Just being like a safe person, like knowing what we tell you is just gonna stay like between us and our family and stuff. Just you guys always listen and always have an answer most of the time, it's always a good and a right answer. So it really helps you. Yeah. Do you like to be nagged? No, not really, but it really makes you things, but you don't see make you question. There's probably a better way to do that. Right. And so parents nagging. Yeah. Yeah. Do you have any ideas on what we can do? Like, Ooh, what about ask a question? Do, are, do those work or are you on me when I, when I do that, it depends on the question. Yeah. Well, you know, like I know sometimes, like let's just take an outfit for example. And I'm like, instead of me saying like, oh, you know, you can't wear that.
(19:34): If I ask you a question like, oh, do you think you'll be like, you know, too hot or too cold? Or, you know, do you think that mat, you know, do you think that looks, you know, whatever, I mean, do you see how, like, that question shows you that like, you don't like it at all? Like, it's so obvious that so obvious you just don't like it. Well, see, I was thinking the question was better than like you can't, I would say, just ask or say that you can't wear that because it's better. Just like, just be honest. Yeah. Just say straightforward. Huh? Okay. Well then I won't even worry about asking all these questions then here. I was thinking like I was giving you guys some choices and options and giving you guys ways to think about that. So, huh. I learned about that.
(20:16): So just be honest. Yeah. Honest, open communication that might work. Yeah. I, you know, you're one too that doesn't like to like beat around the Bush. I mean, you're just a very straightforward kid. So you know where some of your siblings are not, and, and maybe your friends aren't as well. I mean, do you think different styles of communication work different for different kids? Yeah. It kind of just depends on how you were like raised too and how, you know, you know, what's right. And you know what, you're wrong. And so like your parents are to talk to you differently in many ways. Yeah. I think the biggest thing too is I think as parents, we sometimes forget that yes, you are kids, but you're growing into these absolutely amazing adults and that freedom needs to be there a little bit for you to be able to make those decisions or, you know, and, and allow you to fall short.
(21:10): I think that's one thing, you know, I know Rob and I we've taken like pride on in, in the fact that it's okay that you guys can step out and make a mistake and, and do it your way. Right. And, and learn from those things. I mean, I think that's part of it versus being that protector. What happened if you guys like, forget your lunch or your coat or your socks or your, anything for school, do we, do we come running and drop those off? No. No, you don't mean we have to deal with it. It was our mistake that we left it. Yeah. Well, and you'll never forget again. Right. Usually I think I forgot socks time for cross country and I never forgot 'em again.
(21:52): That was not, I love it. Yeah. No. And I think that's good. I, and I think that's that's absolutely amazing, but at the same time, knowing that you can call on us at every given moment and we will be there. So there's that fine balance too. Okay. So we talked a little bit about how you juggle it, how you juggle a full day and basically your advice is to be in that moment. That is such a powerful tip, because if we're not doing that as, as teams, as kids, then we're not gonna grow up all of a sudden have this magic wand that we're gonna be in the moment as adults. And so what's happen is, is moms, you know, if your guys are listening, we need to work on being in the moment with our children. And they have so much to teach us in this process.
(22:39): And so I think that's, I love it. I love be being present being in the moment, the connection is that much stronger. So I, I love that. And, and you sharing to sharing that, and then let's wrap this up or kind of go through how we can support teens. Teens is that love you anyway. Right? When things don't always go the way that we think talking, communicating with each other and just having that open, that open communication. And then you, you're saying like support, like not just a youth group, but I, you know, I'm gonna throw in there too. Just that family support, that friend support surrounding yourself with people who lift you up. I think that's absolutely awesome. Those that is so good. Let's have some fun here at the end before on this, because there was another question they said they wanna know all the good and bad about your mom, fun little questions.
(23:31): What chores do you have around the house? Kinda just everything, laundry, sweeping dishwasher. I sweep a lot kid who knows how to sweep and clean. So that is true. You do a really good job sweeping the floor. Yeah. That we always joke and say, Hey, to and acts like he, you know, for him to get out of it, he did a really bad job. Yeah. I think he really does that. Yeah. And then he knows there's like, just get out and get outta the way, like yeah. And he gets outta stuff all the time. Doesn't he? Yep. Huh? That's probably why you call him our favorite. Yep. Oh now, but you are a very good floor. Cleaner. You are, you get all the corners and everything. So that's yeah. That's a gift. So what gets you to do them? Obviously the incentives, kids, your friends spending the night.
(24:21): Yeah. you can get out of things like what baseball games really helps. So that's, that's a ploy that you do. Yeah. I, I sweep a lot to get out of the boy's stuff. That's horrible. That's horrible. You should, you should go and, and support them. So is that why you say, oh, I'll sweep, you know? And then while you know, at the game, I'll just go ahead and sweep. Yeah. Thanks for letting me know. Let me in on all your little tricks now. Cause you know, cleaning is one of my love languages. I love it. When people come that's good. So what do I do that is funny or what makes me angry? What makes me the best mom ever. You gotta think about that. What makes you angry is if you have to repeat yourself many times and you still don't listen to you.
(25:14): Oh, OK. I know I've done that many times. Huh? Like I get the firewood. Yeah. I forgot what just this morning when I asked you to do the firewood. Yeah. And you dis and you disappear and you go up to stairs. Yeah. Huh? That's funny. Okay. What what do I do? That's cause I'm a cool that's. Yeah. Okay. So that's what I do. That is funny. Okay. So I, I laugh at myself. Okay. And then what makes me the best mom to you? You always listen and you know what to say? Oh yeah. That's good. I'm just glad they're you're here. I love it. I really do. You know, I just and we have two more, two more episodes with this. This is gonna be fun. Yeah. Thanks for being here guys. We're gonna wrap that up here today. And if you're wanting more fire in your days, follow me on Instagram or join the just brief small group.
(26:20): It's a 12 month faith filled mindset and accountability experience. You can even join our next retreat. We're going to glacier in June. We have the Alaska mission trip also in June. And then we're heading to St. Thomas Virgin islands in October. So spots are very, very limited. It will sell out. So make sure that you guys save your spot on all the adventures that we have planned for 2022, you can go to Jill Allen, coaching.com for all the updates or join the just brief Facebook group. We would love to have you join us heads up on the next episode, we are continuing the series. Harper is going to be back for round two. Thanks so much for joining us today. And I pray that we filled your heart with joy. If you could let us know before hopping off here today, that would be incredible. S share this episode, link on your social media. If you felt encouraged or inspired, as we all know, someone that can benefit. And I would love it. If you would give some feedback and a review as well, talk with you next time. Be fit, be fierce, be unstoppable. See ya.
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