Hi there. I'm Jill Allen and this is find your fierce, the show designed for women to discover your fierce, unlock and unstoppable mindset. Build unbreakable courage and completely transform how you show up every single day. Each week I will bring ideas, methods and strategies that will inspire you to step into your greatness and live life on purpose. Let's be fit, fierce and unstoppable.
(00:36): That you're here with us today. Super excited to have such a special guest with us today. We actually met a few months back where I was blessed to sit next to her all weekend long at this amazing, wonderful breakthrough retreat. And I just love it. How God places, people in your life and how the connections can go from there. She has such a calming yet bold demeanor, and I absolutely love her heart that she has for everyone. She and her husband, Mike are founders of identity point coaching and marriage ignite, and they are super passionate about identity and marriage, where they help couples ignite, passion, peace, and connection back into their marriage. Meet my friend. Denelle Friedrich, a woman who is on fire for the Lord and is going to share her heart today. How are you girl? Hey, thank you so much, Jill. Like what a, what an honor. Number one. But number two, super excited. Just to share a little bit on, what's kind of going on in my heart right now and what God's doing in my life. I am also married. I have been with my husband, Mike for 22 years, a long time. We have three, we have three beautiful children. We've got Josiah, Noah and Genesis and life. Isn't an adventure.
(01:50): I have learned over the last couple of years just to live with my hands wide open, literally like you never know what God is going to do. And if we can live this life, that is an adventure because time is so precious. We never know when our day is going to end. And so it's living with our hands wide open and just going, okay, God, what are you going to do today? What are you going to do today? What have you always been like that? Or what was there? I know I'm probably getting off track already. Like, yeah. It's, it's literally been, I mean, I, I love Jesus. I'd love to use this last 10 years. And it's really been just this last few years that I've literally been like, okay, this is like a complete surrender. Like whatever you want to do with my life, you can do it because I was living in this performance mindset.
(02:47): It was like, and I've, since I was a little kid, I had my first job when I was eight years old. My mom was a single mom of five kids. And so it was like survival and I've lived like that my whole life. And then of course I began my with God and he just started to strip off layers and layers. And this last few years it's been really knowing my identity in him. It is like letting go of everything and just being, being like, okay, God, what are you doing? Like literally with my finances, with our business, with our children, all of it. I mean, and it takes intention to do it on a daily basis. That's for sure. But it makes life so much more fun. There's so much more peace and joy and freedom. When you just let go and go, okay today, what are we going to do today?
(03:34): No control none. No white knuckling. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. So good. So many people need to hear that. Yeah. Well, and it's, it's not easy and it's something that takes intention every single day of waking up and just going, okay, what do you want to do today? What do you have for me today? It's interesting because you know, if you think of a little kid, you know, if you have kids or anyone that you know, that has nieces, nephews, whatever, they're constantly asking for things all day long, all day, it's nonstop. And why aren't we doing that with God? Why aren't we saying God and asking and talking to him all day long. It's not that you want something from him all the time or whatever, but it's like, why aren't we asking him? What do you say about this? What is your perspective on this?
(04:24): What gas station should I stop at today? Because I can then give an encouraging word to somebody. We don't, we don't stop and do that. So we get frustrated. Even with parenting, we get super frustrated, but yet we're not asking, okay, here's my little five-year-old it's out of control. And we're not saying God, what helped me see his heart? What do you, what do you want me to say to him? I mean, this just happened. The other, this happened actually not the other day. It was months ago because I'm like learning how to deal with my five-year-old. And I said, and he was of course being disobedient. And I said, I start, I've been asking him for everything, God, for everything. And he's like, give him a hug. And I'm like, what? But he's being disobedient. What do you mean a hug? And it's this thing that works with him now.
(05:07): And that works with Noah. I'm like, Oh my gosh, all he wants is to be hugged. He wants that. He wants to feel, you know, he wants to feel like he's significant. He wants to feel like he belongs. He's got a heart of this. He's a peacemaker. He's got all this. You know? So now it's like our whole disciplining with him has completely changed because I asked God, instead of trying to do it my way, because his ways are always better, you know? Yeah. And it's not just in the morning when we do our devotions or have our time with the board or right before we go to bed. It's all day, all day long, everything, everything it'll change your life, but it takes intention and it takes practice. It's gotta be a conditioning of the mind.
(05:58): We're flipping. It's like rewiring. Yeah. It's completely rewiring the brain because you know, you can just sit here and say like, well, this sounds crazy. I'm not asking what gas station I need to stop at. Right. This one's closest right here. I'm just going to stop right here. Yeah. But there's a bigger, well, that goes back to the posts that you share. Do I know that I messaged you like Nope. Bigger. Yeah. God absolutely love that. And it's like, Nope. It's not, it's not what you think it's going to be bigger. There's a reason for all of it. Yeah. Have you seen that post going around where it's it's Jesus and he's holding the big, huge Teddy bear behind his back. And the little girl doesn't want to give up her little tiny Teddy bear. And he's like, I have something way bigger and better.
(06:39): And I think about that all the time when there's maybe a car accident and we get stuck in traffic and we're like, we're going to be late to a meeting. Or it's like, wait, no, there's a, he's got a plan for what he's doing, even in this, in every moment. But he has so much, so much things that are so many things that are way bigger than we can even possible possibly imagine that we don't ever give the space or the opportunity for him to do that because we're so busy. They're so chaotic. There's so much fear. There's so much doubt. There's so much stress, anxiety, all the things that are completely holding us back and we can't even see past no. And that brings me to you. I got to share the dream because it brings me to the dream that I wanted to share, because this will all kind of connect is okay.
(07:23): So a few weeks ago I went to a women's conference. And the second night at the women's conference, I had a dream and I don't dream that often. And this one was so real and vivid. And the dream was that I had walked into my master bathroom and the master bathroom was filled up with water and Noah, my five-year-old was upside down in the water and he had drowned and I, I ran up to him and I picked him up and I flipped him over and I started to try to resuscitate him. And then I, I screamed for my husband, Mike, and then I woke up and I, I was not scared because I knew, and I wasn't scared in the dream because I knew that the dream was not about Noah. It was about the meaning of Noah's name. And Noah means peace. It means peacemaker peace.
(08:15): And I got up that morning and I went out onto the couch and I was talking to some girlfriends. And I mean, we were kind of starting to interpret the dream. And they were like, reviving peace back into the home. And I'm like, Oh yes, that'd be my spirit just left. And, and it was like, literally I saw reviving peace back into the marriages, reviving piece, back into the husband and wife when they communicate with each other that there's this love again, that there's this piece, there's this joy revising piece back into the children re you know, reviving piece back into how we're going about our day. Because if you think about it, peace, if there's the tornado, we're going from storm to storm the storm. And the piece is actually standing right in the middle of their tornado where it's quiet and there's peace.
(09:05): And so no matter going on around us. Yeah. No matter what, because we're, we always be, we'll always go, Oh, well, I can't wait until this storm. Or until this happens, then I'll be happy when I have this job, then I'll be happy when I have this much finances, then I'll be, and then what we're doing is wishing time away. Number one, but number two, I mean, we're going to go from storm to storm the storm, whether they're good or bad, how do you have peace in the storm? How do you have, how do you have peace in the, in the marriage? And so later that day we get to the conference and one of the speakers comes up and her whole message was about bringing peace into the home and bringing peace back into and reviving. I've literally lost it. I'm like, I'm bawling.
(09:49): I'm like, okay, Lord, I'm listening. I'm listening to you. I know that we have a marriage ignite business. And like, that is what Mike and I are called to do. We are literally couple by couple person by person to bring the peace back into the home because the revival starts in the home. The revival starts in you. And if you're not living in the piece, then what, you're obviously the opposite of fear, the chaos, the anxiety, all the things. Now, there was something really super significant about Noah too. And Noah's arc. And the whole story of Noah's arc, which I won't go into too much detail about that. But man, there's a whole nother thing. And I'll maybe share a little bit towards the end about that. But also when I flipped Noah over, like, I, I that's significant. I flipped like a turn, a turnaround, like a turnaround is happening in people's homes.
(10:42): God is literally flipping their homes upside. Right? And it's up to us if we want it, we've got to partner with him. We've got a partner with our community, with mentors, with coaches to help us turn things around. We can't do it alone. So that's another very significant thing in the dream. That was, I was like, okay, I'm listening. Now what God showed me is he showed me three things that are stopping people from having peace in the home. And this can be for couples. You could be listening to this and you're a single parent. Maybe you want to be married again. Maybe you're single. And you're like searching for that. That husband, you could be just single. I mean, this could be literally for anybody. You can grab a hold of any of this and it and it, it can impart something into your heart to make the change because there's three things that stopping people from having peace.
(11:32): The first one is that people are not taking action. I have had, I kid you not just in the last few weeks, so many women and men, but mostly women that are, there's an embarrassment that their husbands embarrassed they're they don't want to admit that there's something wrong. And so then they're not doing anything because they're embarrassed or they're afraid that they're going to be held accountable for something or that they're going to be found out. Or I don't know what it is, but there is this. And that is like, that has to stop because we got to fight. Literally we have to fight for our marriage. We've got to fight for our peace. We've got to fight. I mean, there is an enemy out there that wants to destroy you. He wants to take you out. He wants to wipe you out and we have to fight for on a daily basis.
(12:21): And there is no time to be embarrassed or no time to be like, okay, who cares? Because it's your life, it's your marriage. This is your life. And so that's like people aren't taking action. They're not reaching out. And it's like, I remember when Mike and I had to reach out in 2005, things were going downhill fast. Like we were losing control really fast finances. We're about ready to file bankruptcy. I mean all the things. And it was like, we, we reached out and that's when we decided to have a coach and that we knew that for the rest of our lives, that we were going to have mentors and coaches to help us be held accountable, to help us see things that we can't see. Right. And you're in the midst of it again, we're just unfortunately looking at the enemy that is just, it's just coming at us and be, we don't even know what to do.
(13:14): And it's like, we're looking, taking it as it is what it is. Yeah. And the world is never going to stop wording, social media, all of the things. I mean, it is constant negativity. And so we are constantly having to feed our brain and to feed our mind with positive things. But we need to be, we need to ask for help and not be afraid to reach out. We can't do this alone. We've got to do it with community. We've got to have mentors and coaches and people that can speak life into us. Yeah. We're fighting the wrong way. Yeah, for sure. We need to ask for help. Not only ask God, like he should be your number one. How do I fight?
(13:54): Yeah. Fight the right way. Yep. Oh, I love it. Okay. So that number, number two was that is stopping from peace. Being in the home is that people are just okay. Like I have an okay marriage. That's fine. How are you doing good? Like, Oh, when people say good, I'm like, no, really? How are you doing? Like, what's really going on. And people are okay with their getting complacent complacency with the ultimate killer. So you're either slowly dying or you're growing. There's no in between. Yeah. Yeah. And it's not okay to have right now, we're working with two couples that they have a good, it's good. But there's these things that are, are slowly causing resentment and anger and things like that. That if they don't get, you know, handle them, then they'll get wiped out. It'll just, it'll get worse and worse and worse because if you're unhappy and you do nothing about it, it just greater and greater unhappiness.
(14:53): Right. So well, and I think, I mean, I just, I could just keep thinking settling. Yeah. That, why do we, again, it goes back to what you just said. Life is so short and was it our life and why is okay. Just okay. When there is something, again, we have the big Teddy bear back behind that. If we just knew that it could be better than just okay. That God has such bigger plans for each and every one of us and for our marriages and our families and our kids. Oh yeah. That you could live an extraordinary life. You can live in extra, you can have an extraordinary marriage. Anything is possible. You think what happens is we get settled with all those jobs. Okay. It's paying the bills. You know, things are fine. Even though there are two ships passing in the night and they never see each other, like, you know, when you're talking with couples and you know, so, but it's the same thing.
(15:49): Even with a single person that it's like, we just kind of go, Hmm, that's fine. Yeah. You know, and, and we're okay with that. And we'll do the next thing again. Just wish like just getting by just merely surviving. Yeah. Oh my gosh. Okay. This is so good. And it's a choice. Really. It's literally a choice, but what happens is the negativity, the thoughts we have over 70,000 thoughts a day, and like 90% of them are negative 90, 90 something. Or it's crazy the amount that are negative. So how do you start to, and it is investing in yourself. It is doing things to help you grow. It's hiring. I mean, jail, someone like a coach, someone that can walk alongside you and help you out of the rut, help you out of that. Those self limiting beliefs, the doubts, the fears, all the things which leads me into the yeah.
(16:46): Yeah. And which leads me into the third one that is stopping piece from being in the home. And that is not walking in our identity. Now this is a big one. This is like a whole nother podcast because let's, so let's talk about identity for a minute. Okay. So identity is the perception of yourself based on life experiences. So your persona, your perceptions may not be true. And the truth may not be your perception, but most often your true self is masked by your false self. Now this isn't bad. It's who you become in order to survive and to protect yourself from painful emotions. Okay. So let's break this down a little bit.
(17:31): This is so good. So good. And so what are some things that we do to protect ourselves from painful emotions, right? And so we call these false identities and this is like fear, confusion, worry, anxiety, stress, depression, anger, irritation, frustration, guilt, shame. I'm not good enough. That's a really big one. I'm not good enough. I'm unworthy. I'm stupid. Okay. So all of these things stop you from fully walking out your full potential. These are what we call false identities. And what, what happens is they mask our true identity. Now mine was irritation. That was my go-to fuel. My go-to false identity was I get really irritated that things, if things got in my way, if, if I, if I wasn't achieving something, if my husband wasn't doing something that I didn't, you know, that I wanted him to do my kids. I mean, it was like mine was, and we all have them.
(18:33): And some of them, we have all, a lot of them, some of them, we have ones that are very dominant, but they literally stop us from walking in our identity. And our now, now your identity is you are a child of God. Like you are the daughter of the highest scheme. That is your true identity. But there's also parts that there's there's. So there's, there's also identity, which is let's break down. What true identity is. So true. Identity is the essence of who you really are, the eye. So the eye you carry deep within sacred or sorry, secured in love and grounded in a sense of inherent or operating in peace, thriving and joy and freedom. No matter what the circumstances, no matter what, the storms that's, you walking in your true essence, peace, joy, freedom in everything that you do so that your identity is the truest thing about you.
(19:34): It's not what you do, your identity. Isn't what you do, your identity. Isn't what you have and your identity. Isn't what people think about you. Your identity, your identity is a gift from God. Now my identity is, I'm a freedom fighter. I'm a mountain mover with my words. I'm a mountain mover with my words, Mike and I as a couple we're marriage, Igniters we're kingdom builders. Oh, I can just hear the boldness. I told you guys, we've got this calm. She's talking to us about peace. And then yet there's this boldness. I love it. I love it because it fires me up, you know, to hear that string. Yeah. And, and for you to, you know, help move those mountains. Oh my gosh. In one little thing, like the most powerful way you can find out what your identity is, is by doing an exchange.
(20:32): You do an exchange with, at the cross, you do an exchange and you can get quiet with a journal. And you, you get, you ask the ask, God, what are all these false things that I'm believing about myself, that I'm unworthy. I'm not good enough. I'm stupid. Anxiety, fear, like what are, and you can just start to list them all. He'll start telling you all of these things that are not of him, all of these false identities, all these things that these things that you've been believing about yourself because of past pain, past hurt things that have happened in the past. And I don't take that lightly. I know there's been a lot of trauma that people have walked through, but this is a really powerful way to say, okay, God, what do you say about me? What do you say about me? Yeah.
(21:18): And he said, you know, you're a freedom fighter. And I'm like, Oh yeah, you know, you're a mountain mover with your words. And I'm like, Whoa. Like I would never say that to myself only God would say that to me. Like, I wouldn't never say that to myself. Well, and that's the thing when, when we are, when you're telling me you were listing the false identities and the things that we speak, or at least think when you said 70,000 things that we think throughout the day, not all of that comes out in words, but it's just like this constant churn of that. Yup. And you know, I can't remember a time for me, like where I stood out, like, and just said, Oh, I'm afraid. Or I'm a failure. Like, I don't know if I've ever spoke those. And I know there's people that have that speak that every day, all the time, but I have felt it I've thought it.
(22:14): Yeah. And here's the thing is that I have to claim my identity over myself all the time daily. It's a daily thing when I'm disciplining my kids and I'm an anger or irritation or frustration, you, you, they, you can't discipline. It doesn't work. But if you discipline from your identity, if you talk to your husband in your identity, if I talk to my husband and irritation or anger, it doesn't work. It never works with anything, but we do it all the time, all day long. And so it's like, how do you get yourself to that place of walking in your, and so I will have to say, I'm a mountain. We were with my words. And if I'm a mountain with my words, and I'm not going to scream at my kids, I'm not going to say things that I would never say to someone else like or anybody, you know, I, so I remember when you're walking in your power and in your identity, and then it's like, it's the, sky's the limit like possibility is unreal because creativity opens up when you're living in fear.
(23:14): When you're living in anxiety, all the things you have, no creativity, you can't think clearly you can't make decisions. And that's why what's happening in our world right now is people are making decisions and marriages are collapsing. People are, I mean, homes are falling apart. People are losing. I mean, obviously we're in a interesting place right now, period, but there can be the unity. There can be the peace in the home. There can be. And it starts with us, starts inside of us and to walk in our identity. I keep hearing that like, there's that fine line between the identity and then the personality. Like, it's not like, it's, it just becomes a habit. Yeah. And then you just chalk it up. Oh, that's my personality. Yeah. You know, short tempered irritable. Yeah. But it's not, not that each and every one of us has that.
(24:12): Then we say yes, totally. And it, is that something that's happened that made you that way? It's something that happened maybe in your childhood or, or, you know, any time that it's not, that's not a personality, unfortunately, because when we move into a false identity, we are self-promoting or self-protecting. Yeah. Either one. And it's because of something that's happened probably in, obviously in our past. Right. And in a way that you can retrain, you know, is by doing it daily, like every morning I get up and I'm like, I journal on it. God, what did I yesterday? How was I not in Milwaukee, in my identity yesterday? Or, you know, tell me more about my identity. And he'll start to, he'll start to share things with me and I'll just start journaling. But that's where you do the exchange. You want to do the exchange every day, even throughout the day.
(25:09): And the only thing that blocks people from not walking in their identity is unforgiveness. If there is a place where you are not forgiven, then, and it could be you know, obviously a person or something that happened. But then again, this can be a whole nother conversation, but it's walking through the forgiveness process and just say, who do I need to forgive? And, you know, cause sometimes you need to forgive over and over and over again. It, yeah. That's the number one thing that blocks people really truly hearing God, really, truly hearing his voice hearing. Because when you ask him, what do you say about me? He'll start speaking. And it's powerful because then so before I get on a call before I do, I'm like, I'm a freedom fighter. I'm on a mountain with my words. I'm a marriage igniter. I'm a kingdom builder. I'm an empower. I'm an encourager. I encourage people with my word. You know? So it's, and it, it works. And literally it's like this power that rises up inside of you. That is unbelievable. And cause here's the thing, God, God is giving you bits and pieces all day long. He wants you.
(26:28): He wants you to search it out. I call it chasing breadcrumbs. So all day long, I'm chasing breadcrumbs. I mean, because if you think about it, there are so many miracles that are happening all around us. And we're so blind because we're in a false identity and we're not operating in peace. We're not operating in that joy, that essence of our true identity. And he wants us to seek him. He wants us to ask him, you know, he wants us to find him. Why did he want me to know God? What do want me to know about? So when I had that dream, I was like, what do you want me to know? This was too real. Just brush it under the rug. It's what do I need? Not, don't be too busy. Be intentional to sit down. And actually, I don't know, dissect discover what that dream we're missing, what God's doing all day long.
(27:19): Even through this crazy time that we're in right now, there are miracles, hundreds and thousands all around us. Yeah. Yeah. So, so I want to share, so my mom came to visit for Christmas and she came to the house and she bought three Noah's Ark, not just one, three for us. Wait, did she know about your dream? Oh, no idea. I about fell over on Christmas Eve when she started pulling them all out. Yeah. And I was like, I'm staring at all of them and I'm like three mom. This has been amazing. Amazing. Well she, okay. So she had bought me this particular one and obviously the other two are for the kids, but one was like, I knew what was for me. And it's, it's only about 12 inches top high and it sits on my desk now. And it, so it's, it's a, it's a boat it's shaped like in a boat, but like a, like a sailboat it's shaped.
(28:20): And then at the very top is the dove and the dub. If you know what a dove means, a dove means it represents peace of the deepest kind. Right? And so if you know the story of no one arc, right, the dump, he sent the dove out and you know, and then the duck came back with the twig. And, but it's the peace of God. The dove is the Dove's role is to impart an inner peace that helps us go about our lives calmly and with purpose. But I had to laugh. So there's this arc, there's these little branches that go down the kind of the sell boat kind of looking thing. And there is these little, you know, there's Noah and his wife at the very top. And they sit on little nails and their cute little wooden things. And then the next line, it says two by two.
(29:06): So I was like, Oh God, you're speaking to me. What is, what are you saying? And he said, you're going to bring peace two by two, two by two marriages, two by two. And then there's all these little animals, the two pigs, the two chickens. And it goes all the way down. The two lions that you draft super cute. Now get this, I about fell over the, the arc. Then this little Noah's Ark came with the house, a little tiny house that sits next to it. I've never seen a Noah's Ark with a house that sits next to it, bringing revival and Pete back into the home like that. I just died laughing. Cause I'm like, this is not a coincidence. There's no such thing as coincidence. He's, he's speaking to us all day long, but we can miss it and just like, Oh, what a cute Noah's Ark?
(29:56): I'm like, no, he, the house sits right next to the two-by-two Noah and his wife right at top that, but the dove right above them. I mean, it's like confirmation, but not too busy. Thank goodness. Yeah. You are walking in your identity to where you have that peace and joy to be able to be still enough to just be like, just to grasp all that. Wanted to ask God like, God, okay, three Noah's arcs. Like what are you saying? Right. I already know Noah's Ark in the last like seven months have been huge thing for me. Huge. I mean, he's, I've had three dogs come see me. I mean, I've had all kinds of amazing things happen. And so it's like another thing, another thing to just show the beauty of his miracles and who he is. And, and when we're walking in that peace and that joy and that freedom, we see it are, you know, so I pray that everyone listening that your eyes are open, your mirrors are open just to see even through all I can tell you, man, these last two years have been the toughest years of my husband and I, our life, you know?
(31:03): And I think a lot of people would be like, wow, 2020 is tough. But also it's like, look back and go, wow, what did I learn? Who did I become? What have I personnel that has come through all that? Yeah. Wow. Yeah. So one we need say yes, take action. Take action. Say yes. Bring back that revival no more, no more settling to do. Not just not be okay with it. Yep. Done. Done. I am saying yes. And three, our identity in that.
(31:54): Good. Can they find you? They can find so much wisdom. I have so much. What's in your heart. You definitely are a mountain mover with your words. Definitely fired me up. I know for sure. I'm going to be asking all day long. What do you want? What do you want me to do from the, you know, from here? Word? How do you want me to learn from this? Yeah. The two most powerful questions is what do you want me to know? Okay. And what do you want me to do? The most powerful questions you can ask God. It was the questions that the disciples asked in the book of acts over and over and over again. What do you want me to know? What do you want me to do on everything? Anything? What do you want me to know right now? What do you want me to do?
(32:36): Change your life. Oh, I love it. I love it. Yeah. Where can they find you? They can find me on Instagram at marriage at night. Okay. That's easy. And then on Facebook, Mike and Jenelle. Friedrich. Okay. Mike and, or just Mike Friedrich, Jenelle. Friedrich. We've got our mic and Janell. Okay. We'll definitely you know, share that link with everyone here. I cannot thank you enough for joining us today. And I know you've added so much value and I can just see it in your eyes and your smile and your heart is just so genuine and real and so authentic. So I cannot thank you enough for that. Thank you so much for having me. I appreciate it. Awesome guys. Thanks for joining us today. If you want to break free from what's holding you back from walking in your true identity and are interested in a small group, mentorship, the just Bree sisterhood for 2021 head to be fit fierce.com forward slash just breed heads up on the next episode, we're going to talk a little bit about vision and how to create clarity with those decisions. And again, thanks so much for joining us today. Please subscribe, share this episode, link on your social media. If you felt encouraged or inspired, as we all know someone that can benefit. And I would love it. If you would give some feedback in a review as well, talk with you next time. Be fit, be fierce, be unstoppable.
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