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In this episode, you’ll learn… 

  • Why forgiving people helps you find peace — especially when they don’t deserve it (2:31)
  • How not forgiving people drowns you in pain and suffering that sabotages the rest of your life (3:10)
  • Why forgiveness is the fastest way to improve your mental health (6:02)
  • 4 practical steps that make forgiving your arch enemy as easy as taking candy from a baby (8:31)

If you’d like to learn more about Kimberly or schedule an online healing appointment with Roar House Ministry and Healing Room, follow them on Instagram, Facebook, or send an email directly to Kimberly at roarhouseministries@gmail.com.

If you have zero energy to focus on yourself and need extra support and accountability from women who know what it’s like to juggle a crazy busy life, then go to https://befitandfierce.com and become unstoppable with us.

Or, if you want to join a sisterhood dedicated to growing our faith, join our Just Breathe Facebook Group.

Read Full Transcript

Hi there. I'm Jill Allen and this is find your fierce, the show designed for women to discover your fierce, unlock and unstoppable mindset. Build unbreakable courage and completely transform how you show up every single day. Each week I will bring ideas, methods and strategies that will inspire you to step into your greatness and live life on purpose. Let's be fit, fierce and unstoppable.

(00:35): Hey there. Welcome to Find your fierce. So glad that you're here with me today. Forgiveness kept popping into my head and mine this week as I was coming up with today's topic and it could not be shaken. So here we are going to dive into forgiveness. What it means, how critical it really is to moving on and how we can get past the hurt, the pain and the betrayal that I know that we've all had at some point in our life. Something that we've all experienced, you may even be going through something right now. So I was watching the passion of Christ a week or so ago. Not sure exactly what prompted me to hit play on, you know, that most pivotal impactful movie ever created. But in the end, after watching all that Jesus went through. I mean, there were times where I just had to cover my eyes because the brutal beatings, the name calling the ridicule, the betrayal from the people closest to him, and then for him to be hung on the cross to die.

(01:35): And some of his last words were heard and it was like father, forgive them for, they know not what they do. And I was like, how is that even possible? How can you even do that? Like, this is crazy. My mind was blown and how unbelievable that truly is and what that takes. Talk about the greatest account of forgiveness right there after all of that, everything that he has gone through, Jesus still forgives. So my thought was like, okay, we have that choice too. We have it in our hearts to do the same. We have the choice to forgive and notice I use the word choice, right? And I looked it up. It's a conscious and deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward a person or group who has harmed you. But here's the thing, the most difficult part, I think, regardless of whether they actually deserve your forgiveness, we still want to forgive, right.

(02:38): Forgiveness doesn't mean you forget, or you can don't or excuse the offense. And, and we're not glossing it over or denying the seriousness of any offense against you. And it surely doesn't obligate us to reconcile with the person who harmed us. Okay. So that's kinda, I wanted to put that up there right away as to what really is, but forgiveness. Let me tell you guys, it brings you the peace, the peace that I know that we need that is required for us to live our call on our life. I mean, it frees us from all the anger and the bitterness and the resentment, and it actually empowers us to recognize the pain that we are suffering without letting that pain define us, that we're able to heal and move on with our life. And I totally get the fact, like I was thinking about this.

(03:29): I totally get the fact that forgiveness sounds really good. It's a good thing to do taking the high road, forgive others, but I can guess. And the only reason I can say this is because I have felt the same way is that sometimes you really don't want to forgive, right? It doesn't even make sense. Right. Someone hurts you. So you're asking yourself why, why, but I think back, like maybe someone called you a name or gossiped about you or criticize you growing up, or maybe a colleague or a best friend stabbed you in the back or your spouse had an affair, or maybe, maybe you had like a traumatic experience. Maybe you were physically or, or emotionally abused by someone close to you. So you're probably asking why should I just forgive? I totally get it. I mean, these wounds, no matter what they are, you know, a wound is a wound.

(04:19): Pain is pain. Harm is harm. Her is hurt, but it can leave us with this deep feeling of hate and anger and bitterness, even vengeance, right. It grows really, really deep and strong, like this big, huge root, okay. And it can take over our life if we allow it and it can hold us back. And I'm going to share with you the steps that I took to forgive. But first I want to share with you why it's super critical as well for it being for the greater good. Because if we choose not to forgive guys, I think we're going to be the ones that will ultimately pay the most. Okay. So listen to this. I mean, forgiveness grasp this concept. Forgiveness can set you free. You know, I'm just starting with the big one right there. It will set you free. It can lessen that grip that's on you and help free you from that control of the person who harmed you or who hurt you.

(05:13): Let me ask you guys just close your eyes, take a deep breath. I mean, do you want fried? We can learn so much from our hurt and pain. It can even lead to feelings of understanding, empathy and compassion. It can help open our eyes for us to see more clearly, even about the one who hurt us. And I want you to consider how forgiveness can lead you down a path, not just physically and emotionally, but spiritual Lee as well. What would happen if you let go of the grudges and the bitterness that has taken hold, think about how your outlook on life would be the peace you would have from within the freedom. You will have that lid being taken off and nothing holding you back. Totally free. Think about that. Not to mention healthier relationships, think about your marriages and friendships. They're all going to be stronger.

(06:02): I mean, you're going to have less anxiety, stress hostility. You guys have any of that going on in your life? I mean, your mental health is going to be improved. Think about the stress that it causes. And we might not even realize how much right and the impact it has on our heart health or a blood pressure, our cortisol levels, because when those spike, when we get triggered, but when we forgive and move on, our stress levels are gonna drop because we're free. Nothing's holding us back. We're not stressing about anything. Think about our self esteem that may improve also because we're confident in who we are, who we're created to be that we're not allowing grudges and pain to hold us back. We're happier who doesn't want to be happier, who doesn't want to live a life of joy versus anguish and hurt. And I got to tell you guys, I was in a better place last year.

(06:47): At this time, it was not good. It was not good at all. And I knew it wasn't good. And I was so focused on a betrayal and hurt that I was feeling that I was unable to focus on what I was truly called to do. Right? And sometimes we see this as an offense. Like we see an offense. Sometimes what we see as an offense can turn out for the good, the greater good only if, and when we choose to forgive, because here's the thing being hurt by someone, particularly by someone you love and trust, you know, a lot of anger, sadness and confusion kind of sets in. And then when we dwell on that and then all that resentment and hostility, they take the root and the negativity drowns out all the positive. And before you know it, you're yelling at the burger King drive through worker because they put a pickle on your sandwich.

(07:34): And trust me, it is not about the pickle. The anger is rooted in and you find yourself swallowed up by your own bitterness and sense of injustice. Now heads up. I don't yell at the burger King employees first off, I don't even go to burger King, but it was just to make my point. I've seen it happen. And I knew that it wasn't really about the pickle. And I know the last thing we all want is to bring any of that anger and bitterness into every, every relationship we have or we get so wrapped up in the wrong that we can't enjoy the present moment or worse yet. You know, we become depressed or anxious, never walking out our true purpose, wasting the life that we've been given. So back to the choice we have, we can choose to forget just like Jesus did up on that cross.

(08:16): We can turn the other cheek. We can love our enemies. We can bless those, that curse and persecute us. We can forgive for the greater good. We can forgive for the peace we all crave. We can forgive so we can be set free. I'm fired up. I absolutely love it. So here's four things of how I was able to forgive. Number one, I was so self aware and I knew that I was not in a good place. I didn't feel good. Did not like my thoughts or when I snarled, when the hurtful experience was brought up, how I felt when it popped up in my life. Again, I replayed the negative over and over and over again. And my focus was on the hurt and pain. When I was like a broken record of anger versus the normal me, the one who was always full of joy, something had to change.

(09:03): So the first thing is to do a self check, whereas your heart becomes super self-aware and identify what needs healing and who needs to be forgiven and for what which to then is choose to forgive, choose to forgive what was identified, choose to surrender the pain and hurt release all those emotions that you have about the pain that was caused. I know I didn't want to feel controlled anymore or held down by anything, causing me not to have joy. So we have to make that choice. And then three, I got to work, guys. I prayed, I hit the word daily. I searched for people to surround myself that did the same. And to be honest, I didn't have to search very hard. You know, as the Lord always puts the right people in your path at the right time, we just have to wake up and accept those new friendships, except that support and love and encouragement from people who totally get what you're going through.

(10:01): We've all been there. And I even reflected on the times I have hurt others and how I was forgiven. I did that by journaling. I embrace the fact that forgiveness is a process and then it may need to be revisited over and over and over again. It's not a one and done thing. We have to continuously to make an intentional effort, to be able to forgive even daily. And then four, I looked at forgiveness more about how it can change my life and all of that. I cross paths with how it can bring me the peace, the happiness, and the healing and how the healed heart can make a difference in the lives of others. I mean, you cannot give your best for the people you love for the people that you meet on the street. If you have a hard, better heart and that forgiveness, it cuts the ties.

(10:51): So that person doesn't have the power to control our life anymore. We can choose to leave it all at the foot of the cross and how it all works out for the greater, good, the direction it takes us when we can choose to let go of it all. Pretty powerful. It's pretty free. So let's recap here. I know this was like a quick powerful find your fierce episode, and I love it. I hope you guys are listening to this, you know, maybe in the car, these, this is what's so perfect about all that, but let's recap here to forgive first. We need to self-check and identify what needs healing and forgiveness to make the choice to forgive three, get to work and dive into the word and surround yourself with those on the same path for support, truth, and encouragement, and for embrace the freedom. It gives you fly and grab a hold of what you are called to do as always, if you have zero energy to focus on yourself and need extra support and accountability from women who know what it's like to juggle a crazy busy life, head on over to beef and fierce.com and become unstoppable with us, or if you want to join a sisterhood to growing your faith,

(11:54): Join our just brief Facebook group heads up on the next episode, we're going to talk about whatever gets downloaded in my heart to talk with you about no matter what it will be. It will be exactly what someone needs to hear. So be sure to join us next time. Thanks so much for joining us today. Please subscribe, share this episode, link on your social media. As we all know, someone that can benefit. And I would love it. If you would give some feedback and a review as well. Talk with you next time.

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