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Highlights from this episode include:

  • Why separate bank accounts can destroy financial peace in a marriage (7:41)
  • How to cope when one spouse has irresponsible spending habits (11:29)
  • What your skepticism about financial concepts says about you (and prevents your accounts from growing) (12:42)
  • The surprising way your upbringing keeps you stuck in financial mediocrity (15:10)
  • How to keep financial betrayals from sending you to the poorhouse (17:35)
  • How to instantly identify the ulterior motives of people who criticize your financial plan (19:02)
Read Full Transcript

Do you hate the thought of working past 55 or 60? Do you hate not being able to live the life you deserve today? Do you hate not knowing what your financial future looks like? It's time to stop doing what you hate, here's your host, Mr. Harold Green.

(00:20): Oh, hi everybody. This is Harold Green and it is time to stop doing what you hate. How is everyone doing? I'm doing pretty good. I'm recording this show and the afternoon, which is unusual for me because I normally like to record in the morning when my brain is nice and fresh, but I've been making some adjustments and I think things are going well and try to figure out what to do to increase my energy level because lately I just have not been having it. And I, and I was wondering why, and, you know, there's a lot of things that are going on and if you pay attention too much to things that are not going well, it can really drag you down. Then it can really have a negative effect on your life. So just a word out there to the listeners, welcome to the show today, do your best to try to keep life as positive as you can.

(01:14): And I think that'll make all the difference in your energy level. All right. So today show title is money hangups. That's right. Money hang ups. What's got you all twisted when it comes to your finances, what's got you all hot and bothered when it comes to different topics on money. I just want to get into that today and talk a little bit about what could you, what could be holding you back from achieving some of the goals and objectives that you have set for your life. But first, before I get into the show, I want to tell you guys a little bit of a funny story. It's a serious story, but it's a funny story. And I'll kind of been debating on it all week, whether or not I was going to tell you, and it kind of goes into the power of creativity, but it's not a, it's not a positive creativity.

(02:05): So it's about me and my brother when we were kids, you know, I, I, you know, I was born in the seventies and grew up in the seventies and eighties and you know, from a small town in Florida. And we only had like one flashing light, maybe two, one at the beginning of town, one at the end, I think. But I think we only had really one men. So I remember my grandma and she went out and she did something for me and my brother. She bought us a pair of cowboy boots. Now back then CA cowboy boots was, was all the rave. Everybody wanted a pair of cowboy boots. And so my grandma went out and bought me and my brother, a pair of cowboy boots. So one day my mom was at work and my dad was at work.

(02:56): Stepdad was at work. And back then, you know, we didn't have laws about, you know, not leaving your kids at home. And so, you know, we were left at home from like second grade. So from second grade, third grade, you know, we were left at home. We could cook and do whatever we want to go outside and play. And, and really nobody bothered us. But I think, I think we were in maybe fourth or fifth grade. And my grandma had bought us these cowboy boots. And so me and my brother, we were at home and we were playing around and, and we used to watch these karate shows. So one day we were, we were, you know, we were sparring and fighting and I went to do a flying kick with my cowboy boots on my brother. He moved and I ended up kicking a hole in the wall.

(03:51): I mean, it was a big hole because I ran at him and I jumped on a kick and I missed, thankfully I didn't, I didn't go through the window because the window was right above where the hole was and I could have went. I could have went out that window. The thing is, is we lived in a three story condo at the time and we lived on the top floor. So me and my brother, we I was scared, man. Cause I, I know my mom came home as she saw that hole in the wall, see, back then it wasn't against the law to spank her kids. And boy tell you when we did something wrong, my mama let us know. And it was one of those spankings where every time she said a word, you gotta lick, like, didn't I tell you not to.

(04:34): And then my mom would go on and on. But anyway, so we knew we were in trouble when we saw that hole. And so we had to create a story as to how the hole got in the wall. So here's what I did. I wrote a note and I told my mom, I say, mom, somebody broke in to the house and they threatened to kill us. And here's the note. And it said, if you guys call the cops, we're going to come back and we're going to kill everybody in your family. And I was like, you know, just thinking back on it, it was crazy. But you know, we were like, look, I'd rather, you know, something else happened versus getting spanked by mom. Right? So wrote the note. And my mom came home and she was in tears was, and she was like, terrified.

(05:21): We short, we showed her the hole in the wall. And my mom's like, I got to call the cops. I said like, mom, don't call the cops. Cause a letter said, don't call the cops. But mom's like, I gotta call the cops. Anyway, she called the cops, the cops came and we lived in the projects. And so this was project housing back then. And the cops came and you know, we showed them the letter and the cop said, okay, so how did they get in? And I said, well, they, they climbed up the wall. Now mind you, this is a three story, brick condo with no way to climb up that wall. They would have to had thrown a rope with something on it and attached it to the roof to get into our house. It's break in that window. But the cops looked at everything and I saw the cops looking at each other and they started laughing.

(06:09): And, but my mom didn't see it. She was still terrified. So anyway, they investigated. And then they said, well, we're going to have to get a handwriting sample. And so basically they took my handwriting sample and they figured out that I wrote the note, man, I tell you when they figured that out and they, you know, they, they already kind of knew. And they, they told my mom, I was spanked first and I was grounded for such a long time. And the whole family, all my cousins, like my mom told everybody about that story, but they would not let me live it down. And to this day they still give me grief about writing that letter. But anyway, that's a little bit of a story from my childhood and it kind of goes into like creativity and different things like that. And people always say, well, you know, how did you think of this?

(07:02): And how did you think of that? And how could you figure out this? And I think I've always had a creative mind. And I think sometimes I use it to the positive. And, but as a kid, I really kind of got myself into it. But getting in today's show, thanks for letting me share that with you. Today's show money hangups. And I kind of want to get into some of the things that people come in and they share with me. And, and my goal is to help them get over those types of things. And so one of the biggest money hangups is that I've seen as an advisor is when the husband and wife and they come in and they have separate bank accounts. Now this can be good or it can be horribly wrong. Let's talk about the times that it's good. Sometimes people will come in and they've had these accounts, you know, since they were kids.

(07:55): I mean, they have sentimental attachments to these accounts and they, when they got married, they agreed that, look, this is how we're going to do our finances. And there's nothing wrong with that. I pay for this, you pay for that. And they have a good system down in regards to how they're going to manage and handle their finances. And so I've seen that workout really well, but at times I've seen that workout really bad. And when it works out really bad is when there's a lack of trust. And so that's when I see clients having separate bank accounts and, you know, they'll say something like, well, that's his account, that's my comment. Cause I make this money and I'm going to do this with it. And that's my money and things like that. And I find that to be very problematic because they are not on the same page or one spouse will say, you know what?

(08:44): He's such a bad spender. He wastes money like left and right. And if I don't keep my money separate, you know, I fear that they're, you know, they're just going to spend all my money or they're just going to cause a catastrophic problem. That's where there's a breakdown in the relationship. And there is a, and there is a lack of trust. And so years ago I had separate bank accounts from my wife and whatnot because I just didn't like the way she wanted to control my spending. Now the problem was I wasn't being as diligent with my finances as she felt I should be. And it was not helping us in our goal setting and our planning with the type of spending that I wanted to do. So the most successful thing that I did was I said, honey, you know what, I'm going to turn over all of the bill, paying the cash management side, I'm going to turn that all over to you and then we'll go from there.

(09:46): So I think it was back in the two thousands around like maybe 19. I want to say 99, 98. And my wife would basically give me a hundred dollars a month. And she say, here's, here's your allowance is a hundred dollars a month. You can spend it on whatever you want and do whatever you want with it. At the time I felt like it wasn't enough, but we were on a war path at that time. Once we got everything situated and figure out what direction we wanted to head, you know, we really got aggressive about accomplishing our goals. And one of the things I realized was I just couldn't spend and buy whatever I wanted whenever I wanted, I had to sort of come to the mission. I had to be a good soldier in the mission. So I had to get on board.

(10:30): And so she said, well, if you want more allowance, you just simply have to make more money. And I was like, okay, easier said than done. And I, I kept with that a hundred dollars a month, probably for about 10, maybe 10 to 15 years. So it's, it's 2020 right now. We started that in 2000. So probably for a good 15, 16, maybe 15 years or so, I kinda try to keep that under dollars a month spending. And I've slowly increased it over time to kind of match, you know, what I'm making right now, but I'm not saying I spend everything I make, but I do have a little bit more leeway in regards to my spending, but I had to let go of my pride and say, okay, you know what? I need to focus on this side. And then my wife's good at the numbers and she's our accountant now, thankfully.

(11:19): And so she's keeping me in she's keeping me in line with that, but I had to kind of drop my pride and say, okay, I need to focus on other things and then let her handle that. And you know, it's all one pot anyway, what's mine is hers and was hers is mine. And you know, we're one team. And so we always have to kind of keep that in mind when you're looking at either joining your bank accounts or, or keeping them separate and look at why do we keep them separate? Is there a benefit to joining them up? Is there friction that we need to get rid of and then just kind of go from there? All right. So money, hang up. Number two. And this is a big one. I hear this a lot when people say, I don't believe in blank, I don't believe in blank.

(12:10): And I've said that before about certain things where I don't believe in this and I don't believe in that. So now when clients come in and they say that to me or potential clients come in and they say that I don't believe in this, the question is, is why not? And I begin to look at it and, and, and, and there's probably three or four things where as I talk to them, it becomes very, very clear why they're saying what they're saying. Number one, lack of knowledge. People will say, I don't believe in something because they know very little about it. When I started doing life insurance, I would hear people say, I don't believe in life insurance. The insurance company is just trying to get rich off my money. And insurance companies are scam artists and insurance agents are snake oil salesman and on and on and on and on, you know, they would say that because they didn't know enough about it and they didn't know how it could impact or benefit their life.

(13:05): And some clients they come in and I'll say, okay, I understand how you feel about this, but we're going to table this for a different day and we're going to move on to another subject or another topic or another goal and you're planning. And then here's what we find as we begin to plan. And we begin to go through certain segments and we began to come to certain decisions about what to do with what, for example, estate planning, taxes, and so on and so forth. And they'll say, well, wow, why do I have to pay? Or why do my kids have to pay so much in a state tax? Or why, why is it like this? And I'll say, well, because you don't believe in life insurance, or you said you didn't believe in X, Y, Z. And they'll say, well, how can that benefit me?

(13:53): And then I'll begin to show them how a well balanced or well-positioned life insurance policy inside of their financial plan and do tremendous service to their long term goals and also their estate planning and things of that nature. So they just have to learn a little bit more about it. I know jr. Shout out to you jr. Rivera posted something on Facebook about, I don't know if I said the quickest way to increase your odds of success is by learning, but it was a very powerful host in regards to learning more about things. And if there's things out there that you don't believe in, then basically if they can benefit you just, just learn and learn. You don't have to accept everything that you read and see and hear, but just learn, get more knowledge on the subject because knowledge, knowledge is important, but knowledge that you act on it's even more important, okay.

(14:46): Or knowledge that you don't act on, it can be very detrimental to you as well. Okay. Number two people say, I don't believe in XYZ because of peer pressure. Maybe you grew up a certain way and maybe you were taught a certain way. Maybe you heard your parents say we don't believe in this. And we don't believe in that. And so therefore you kind of adopted that same type of mindset. And I've heard that several times, you know, how old I was raised like this, and here's the thing we're not always raised. Our parents did the best they could with probably what they knew. Okay. So some of us may have suffered a little bit in childhood because of our parents, lack of education or lack of knowledge, or, or lack of whatever it may have been. And so now we're pigeonholed into a belief system that we've adopted from our parents.

(15:38): So sometimes you're going to have to change your belief system. And especially when it comes to things that can make your life a lot easier. But if it's the peer pressure of family or friends or whatever, then you're going to have to again, learn a little bit more because the herd mentality is not always the best mentality. All right. So that's a very important thing. Number three, you've been burned. People say, well, I don't believe in this because I tried it and it didn't work and or somebody burned me or, you know, somebody sold me something and it didn't work out. And the guy lied or the lady lied to me and it just, it didn't work. So I'll give you an example. I had a client come in and this is a long time ago. And you know, it was for college funding and you know, they wanted to get their son through high school and then get them on, off to college.

(16:29): And everything is going great, having a great conversation. And at the end, the husband sat there and he had his head down and said the wife, how do you feel? She's like, Oh yeah, great. But the husband had, he had his head down and it was sitting there. And I said, I'm sorry, but something happened with you in the past. And I said, have, have you been burned? And his eyes got a little red. And he looked up to me and he said, he said, Harold, I was burned. I was burned by someone who I consider my best friend. And we lost a lot of money. And I simply said to him, I said, I'm sorry that that happened to you. Can you tell me what happened? And I won't go into the details, but it was a very sore subject. Then I told him, I said, well, if you give me an opportunity to help you, I'll make sure that that never happens to you again.

(17:26): And thankfully they came on board shortly after that, we've done some phenomenal things. The wife has retired is going to retire next year. You know, the son finished high school, went to college, has a great job. He's also a client he's on board. And so I'm very thankful for the opportunities to be able to help people. Okay. Number four detractors. Now people will say, I don't believe in this, or I don't believe in that because someone out there is selling them a bill of goods or somebody out there is boohooing, or they're talking down on the particular product or the particular instrument or whatever. It might be. Some people will tell me now, Harold, I don't believe in a stock market because X, Y, Z. And I'll say, tell him a little bit more about that. Well, you know, I don't want to pay somebody to manage my money when I can do it myself.

(18:15): Well, there's two train of three trains of thoughts to that. Well, if you have time and you have the talent and you have the effort and you have the eagerness and the willingness to learn, then great, you don't need to pay somebody to do this. But if you're trying to invest according to a long term financial plan, that's a little bit of a different story. And you definitely want to have a true professional helping you out with, with this. Okay? So the tractors can be on TV. They can be in commercials. It could be anywhere detracting from a particular product and then promoting a, another product or whatnot. So you gotta be very, very careful with that because the more you learn about a certain thing or a certain topic, it definitely increases your odds for success in that area. The last money hang up, I want to get into, and this is a little bit of a touchy one, and it can go either way.

(19:08): It's called selfishness. It is the me, me, me generation, the I generation, the, my, my, my generation, the mind, mind, mind, like this is mine. This is how I think this is what I want in life. This is, this is how I think, and this is what I want, and I'm going to go this direction and so on. And so for now that can work one or two ways. If you are, if you have singleness of mind in regards to your goals and what you're trying to accomplish, that's a little bit different. That's very powerful, and it can go bad as well. Because if you have that singleness of mind, and it's a very selfish mindset, and it does not serve your overall goals and your overall family's financial plans, you're going to have to go get a checkup on that because it can definitely start to destroy things as well.

(19:54): And I see this a lot when it comes to big ticket items, people purchasing things, and they have a shopping addictions, and I'll hear things like this is my money. I've made it. And, you know, I should be able to spend it however I want. And I always, I always tell people, I will never tell you how to spend your money. I will never tell you what you can and cannot buy. That is not what I am here for. My goal is to create a plan and to help guide you inside of that plan, just like the air traffic controller. When I was a controller, you know, I would tell them, turn right, heading three to zero, you know, climb to whatever feet, whatever, which, whatever, look out for traffic, if traffic alerts, you know, whether it's a, another plane helicopter or whatever it might be, whether they're coming up on a mountain, which they can see or whatever it might be.

(20:48): So we're always calling out directions and then just, you know, letting the pilots know that, you know, we're, we're their eyes on the ground. So I'm the same way the financial plan is the flight plan. And then the world and things are going on around us, basically, that's, that's the radar telling us, you know, how close we are to certain, certain things. And when I see clients spending more than they should, that's a warning sign that they were about to crash into something. If they don't make a course correction, but sometimes people, they don't want to make those corrections out of selfishness out of lack of knowledge or whatever it might be. And so the goal is to get them and to keep them on track. And selfishness is definitely something we want to watch out for. It can work for us at a positive way, or it can work against us in a negative way.

(21:42): So that's all I wanted to talk about with you guys for today. And if you're out there and you have some money hangups that you need to get over, I want you to give me a call (800) 852-1440 one. Go to my website, www bright g.com and schedule an appointment. Maybe we can talk about this and get you from where you are today to where you want to be. So again, money hangups, number one, separate bank accounts. It can be good or bad. Number two, I don't believe in XYZ. People say that for lack of knowledge, peer pressure, they've been burned the detractors. And again, the selfishness we definitely want to watch out for that. So again, thank you very much for allowing me to share with you guys and to speak into your lives. And until next time, one, two, three, let's get it.

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