No don't go in there, Daddy's working.
Jonathan: Alright now. I don't know if I should be sharing this on the air. Cupcake is totally against me sharing this, "What if he hears you?" I think he doesn't hear anybody. He does not hear anybody but his own ideas. It never, ever, ever fails; every time we come back from a trip, every time they haven’t seen us for a little bit, every time we go out and have fun, when we get back, Cupcake's dad always has to say something, like take a jab, just say something that really, it really… and it hurts Rachel. [0:01:08.3]
I'm going to, I'm putting it out there. She's probably going to be upset about that, but every time we come back, he says something to her or gets into her business and tells her what she can or can't do and she gets furious. After we came back from Utah, whatever interaction, charged interaction they had, she calls me, and this is right after we got back from our trip. I had to go out to the office and check on things, and we're still jet lagged and we just got back from Utah the day before, and so, maybe she's tired, maybe she's a little emotional, but whatever it was that he said this time had her crying on the phone. I'm talking about almost my entire drive, I'm like, "Jesus Christ, 40 minutes of this." But I was, you know, I was upset because I thought she had done so well and I told her so, because that's her love language. [0:02:06.9]
But she held everything down and we had some issues come up. Everything was taken care of by phone and we were away for all that time. It was a little scary, but the business still ran. The brick and mortar real estate business still ran. People were taken care of and she was able to handle it just in phone calls and a little on the ground help, and we were gone for awhile and I thought that was pretty amazing. But whatever her dad said to her just sent her into a tailspin and I got all mad and I'm boning up and I'm like, "I'm going to tell that old man something. I'm going to tell that old man. Man, I'm tired of this. This guy doesn't know what he's talking about. I'm going to show this guy some facts." But our facts don’t matter. It's not like he ever listens, but it was actually on my way home that day where I was just practicing this speech in my head and how I was going to present the case and how Rachel's awesome.
I don't know what I was going to do -- defend her honor? What was I thinking? I'm over here strategizing and planning and stewing all day about this and by chance I stumbled upon this recording. I was listening to Piranha Marketing, Joe Polish, and I got that from Nightingale-Conant, and if you don't know Nightingale-Conant, you have to check them out. Earl Nightingale, The Strangest Secret, oh my gosh. That's one of my favorite audio programs. That one and Lead The Field. Lead The Field I just listen to over and over again. I listen to it now every couple of months -- Earl Nightingale. Anyway, so this recording came from one of their programs and I hope I understood it correctly. As long as I keep the entire recording intact, we're going to be able to use it here, so let's splice that in there. But on my way home, as I'm stewing and I'm mad and I'm going to give this old man a piece of mind; I'm going to take care of my wife; it's her dad. [0:04:04.1]
What am I taking care of? Anyways, I hear Dr. Wayne Dyer and this is just, it's crazy how things happen, but check out this clip. "Few speakers are as much fun to listen to as Dr. Wayne Dyer. Even fewer are as refreshing, captivating, and inspirational. Whether he's contemplating the absurdity of road rage or exploring the virtues of meditation, Wayne has a knack for cutting right to the heart of a matter. He shows the ways we unknowingly sabotage our own happiness, and offers sensible alternatives to a happier, healthier, more successful life. As this next segment shows, Wayne pulls no punches in his quest to help us examine our own beliefs and ideas from a more enlightened perspective. Here's a classic example of Dr. Wayne Dyer's wisdom from his program "Secrets to Manifesting Your Destiny." I recently appeared down in Australia with one of my friends, John Gray, who wrote Men Are From Mars and Women Are From Venus, and he's got us on different planets and all of this and he's a wonderful guy. We had a great time down there. And I was asked to talk about relationships and write an article, so I wrote an article that I really liked. I called it Your Soul mate Is The Person You Can't Stand and everybody thought "Wow, what kind of a crazy thing is that to say?" Because most people, when they talk about they're looking for their soul mate, you know, 'I finally found my soul mate and we think alike and we act alike and we both like green and asparagus is our favorite vegetable,' and he goes to say something and before he can even say it, I say it already. I'm like, oh, we think the same thoughts. In addition, we get up early in the morning and we both like to meditate and we both like yoga and we both eat mushrooms and we eat them the same way, and he cuts the stems off the same way I cut the stems off, and it's just amazing.
This is my soul mate,' and I always say to those people, 'you've got about three more weeks, okay, in this relationship, and this relationship is going to be over because this is not your soul mate, okay. I mean who needs more of what you already are, right?' But you're not looking for a mirror of yourself, if you will. Now, we have a tendency to think that. What do we share in common, alright? And then if we're in common, then we're going to find them and have a peaceful relationship because we're going to always think the same and act the same and so on. That isn't the way it generally works. See, the reason I say that your soul mate is the person you can't stand, and I say that a bit facetiously, but what I'm saying here is that peace, being at peace, is the essence of feeling worthy. It's the essence of manifesting. It's the essence of enlightenment, being at peace. Any moment that you're at peace, you're in an enlightened state. And when people ask "Is there a difference between people who are living at a higher level, self-actualizing people who are at peace, and the rest of us who are not at peace?" I say, "No. We all have peaceful thoughts and so do enlightened people. They have peaceful thoughts.
The only difference is that they have nothing else. That's all they have. They don't have all of this other stuff that goes with it, all of the anger, all of the judgment, all of the fear, all of the anxiety. The stuff that we have come to believe it's just a part of our lives -- the self-reproachment, the self-repudiation." We have a tendency to think that this is normal. It's only normal. So along come people in your life who know how to push certain buttons, okay. These people can come in many forms. They can come as in-laws. They can often come, and almost always, they come as a spouse, and they can come as your children, and when these people show up in your life, they can take you away from your peace. Almost all of us have somebody in our life that we can never get rid of, and these people show up and they say something in a certain way and it doesn’t make any difference if somebody said it, we would just ignore it, alright. But they come along and they say this thing and boom, off you go, and you're frantic and you're made and you're angry, you're upset, you're worked up, you're feeling unworthy. So these people to me are your soul mates because what they're teaching you at any given moment in your life is you haven’t mastered yourself at this moment. You're not in charge of yourself. Those people who can push your buttons and send you into a frenzy or into an angry space or into a space of self-reputation are people who are divine masters disguised as manipulative, crass, unconcerned people, and rather than being mad at them and being upset with them and saying that they shouldn’t be this way, your task ought to be to turn to them and bow and say, "I honor you as my teacher." Now that's a hard thing for us to get to, but don’t you all have people in your life who are just like that? And you know you're stuck with them.
These are people who are not on your path. You know they're not on your path. They're not even on an entrance ramp to your path. They're in a different place. They're from a different planet, but nevertheless, they're there with you, and you're sharing the journey with them. After you've enjoyed this message, I'd like to ask a favor of you. Pass it along to someone else. The sharing of a powerful idea is the greatest gift any one of us can give because it's a gift that never ends. The simple action of sharing this message could impact more lives in more incredible ways than you could ever imagine. Take action now and you'll change your personal, professional, and financial future immediately and forever. Go to www.nightingale.com today.” [0:10:04.5]
So, he's my mentor, according to that clip. He's shining a light on the fact that I haven’t mastered myself. Woo. That chopped me off at the knees. I was all bowed up and ready and getting my story together and how I was going to prove my facts, and then I hear that I'm being challenged because I haven’t mastered myself. Oh my God -- the timing couldn’t be better because what am I going to do, get in an argument? I love that old man. He's stubborn. He's old and I'm grateful for him and he's been a great teacher and a great mentor, but it doesn’t mean that father always knows best. No, father doesn’t always know best. He doesn’t know what's best for us. For me, what's best is mastering myself and after I heard that clip from Dr. Wayne Dyer, I realized, "Yeah, I'm going to have to think about this. [0:11:12.2]
I'm going to have to review what I thought was right and see if I'm just being emotional or if there's something more to it." And so, I came up with this idea to calm me down and I put together a little exercise to help me turn this bad situation into something better.
So the first thing I did was ask myself, "What do I believe about this. What do I believe about whatever was going on over there. Whatever Rachel heard and what her dad really said could be two different things; you never know. Guys and girls hear differently sometimes. It's not what you said; it's how you said it and all that good stuff. [0:12:02.2]
But what do I believe about this? Do I believe that her dad is really trying to make her feel bad? Do I believe he's questioning my ability to run my business and my family? Do I believe that he wants to harm us? No. No. Whatever he's doing, however he's doing it, in his mind, he's doing it to help us. Whether it's being received that way, now that's another story, but I don’t believe that it's a negative thing, even though he cannot help himself. It's in his DNA, so that's something that, it's tough. I have issues with my dad, I mean. That's why we don’t work together. Like, we're great friends if we're not working together and there's a not a checklist because dad just goes off the reservation, just does whatever he wants. He sees a list and he'll do opposite of what's on the list. [0:13:00.4]
That's a story for another day. But yeah, "Do I believe that this old man's trying to put us down and make us feel bad? Maybe for a good reason, I don't know, but I don’t believe that it's out of any negative intention." So asking myself "What do I believe about this," and thinking about my thinking helped me reassess and that's the next step.
How does this belief serve me, and I think I first got this from Doberman Dan on his show. How does this belief serve me? So now, I've thought about it. Is he trying to be mean? No. Is he trying to help us? Yeah. So, how does this belief serve me? So if he's, emotionally he's scarring my wife, that doesn’t matter now, but he doesn't do it to be mean. [0:14:06.3]
He's trying to do it to be helpful so that's why I have to change my thinking about it, because my belief was that he's just being mean and he's being crude and I'm going to defend her. He's trying to help and so we have to figure out what we're going to do and so the next step after that -- what can I learn from this? And I've kind of gotten ahead here, but what is this experience teaching me? How can I learn from this? How can I improve or how can I eliminate it if it's not a good experience? These three questions, like when we talk about mastering yourself and taking control and being a better leader, a better father, a better son, this little framework, even if it's not your dad, whoever it is that just pisses you off, every time and gets under your skin within like three words, maybe it's worth reviewing and using this framework. [0:15:18.2]
I haven’t even named it yet. I just wrote this down and wanted to bring it to you and get some clarity around it and share this embarrassing story. But this framework will help you to be more thoughtful and just be a better person.
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What do I believe about this? How does this belief serve me and what can I learn from this? Those are the three things you need to ask yourself and you'll find enlightenment - I don't know, but you'll find more peace because I definitely, once I went through this, I totally defused myself because I was so mad and then I just look and see where are the opportunities here - number one is like she and me cannot let either one of our dads get under our skin and let's just try to learn from this experience, what it teaches you about yourself. [0:17:23.3]
What am I doing wrong? What could I do better? Be accountable. And so change what you can change and you will be more peaceful. So I guess this was a show about being peaceful after starting out as father doesn’t know best.
Anyways look, we gotta get out of here. I got other work to do and so we'll be back next time. let's see what we have coming up for next time. We are, oh this one's really, speaking of my mentor, oh yes, he had this job when I was apprenticing under Rachel's dad learning about the rental business, he had this job for me, and I didn’t really get why we had to do this job, but I did it and I learned from it and now I do understand why he had me playing in other people's poop. [0:18:26.0]
Alright, that's next time. right now, you need to subscribe, if you haven’t already. Share this. Was this one share worthy? Yeah, this one was definitely share worthy. Share this. Tag me. Let me know you're out there or leave a review for the show. Definitely subscribe. You got to subscribe. You got to share this one because of that Dr. Wayne Dyer tip, and you got to come back next week so I can tell you why I have poop appreciation.
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