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In this episode, you’ll discover… 

  • How asking your teenager questions instead of scolding them empowers them and builds a stronger relationship (3:48) 
  • The “High Low” conversation starter that gets your children to open up and share their day with you (4:51) 
  • How pushing faith onto your kids backfires (and how to encourage your kids to find Jesus after it backfires) (7:09) 
  • Why tithing to your local church can land you a promotion (even if you’re a teenager) (11:36) 
  • How even the smallest token of appreciation like gifting someone flip-flops lights up their world and helps you ditch your scarcity mindset (16:55) 
  • The “Mood Coloring Chart” trick from Pinterest that frees you from being a prisoner to your emotions (19:17) 
  • Lessons from a teenager about talking about the Bible with your co-workers (23:00) 

If you’re a teenager and want to follow Kylie on Instagram, you can follow her here: https://www.instagram.com/kiley.carlson/ 

Are you crushing it at work but struggling at home? If you want to learn how to win at home, then go to https://CoryMCarlson.com and download your free copy of “10 Ways To Win At Home.”

If you're looking for a resource to help you with these times when your work is now in your home, check out my book Win At Home First on Amazon. Forbes Magazine rated it one of 7 books everyone on your team should read

Read Full Transcript

Welcome to the win at home first podcast. I'm your host, Cory Carlson. This podcast is where we talk about how successful business leaders win, not only at work, but also at home. On this podcast, we will go behind the scenes with great leaders to hear stories of how they win. Thank you for listening and on to today's episode.

(00:26): Those core you're listening to win At home First podcast. Today is a special episode because I am interviewing my daughter, Kylie Carlson, who is 16, actually will be 17 years old tomorrow. So Kylie, welcome to the episode. Hi, I'm happy to be here.

(00:47): That's great. So the whole reason I'm doing this, taking a risk of having Kylie on there and going kind of different from what I usually do of having business leaders on, on the podcast, it's actually invite Kylie and to hear the good, the bad, the ugly of kind of winning it at home first and how I parent what I'm doing, right? This is not the intent of this is not to be a flattery session of how amazing of a dad I am, or Holly, my wife, Kylie's mom, how amazing of parents we are. But instead it's to say, Hey, what has worked in our raising of three kids who Kyle will be 17 tomorrow, we have a 13 year old Camden and then Caleb is eight, soon to be nine. And so what does work, but also what has not worked? I can be a pretty intense dad. I understand that whether it's trying to drive home coaching principals, try to drive home spiritual growth. I get it. I can be pretty hard at times, but I also know we can have some fun. So the, the intent of this whole podcast is to bring value to the listener, hearing from a, a teenager of what works, what doesn't work, and hopefully it'll help all of you lead maybe better than what I did. So Kylie, to kick things off, what is the key trait that a teenager needs to have to win a home first?

(02:15): I think this goes both ways for the kid and the parent, but just like understanding patients because they are not going to be, you know, right on the percent of time, both the parent and the kid that goes for, but for the teenager, they have this sense of like, I need to be, or like, oh man, my parents, like, they just never see my side and all this, but you have to understand that they have a different perspective. So I believe that it's just like the patients and the perspectives they need to understand. How does

(02:48): A parent understand perspective better? What are things that we can do questions we can ask? How do we get better perspective of a teenager?

(02:58): Well, it's also understanding like the fact that, yeah, you were a teenager once. You know, that's a very common phrase said by parents, but at the same time, it's a different era of teenagers and completely different. Like you guys, for my case, like my parents didn't have technology at their hands all the time. They didn't have Snapchat, Instagram, you know, all of those different platforms. So what they see, they, they see a different perspective on those platforms. But when, you know, for me, like I use those to connect with my friends, to connect with people. And it's not just like technology, like, you know, negative. Yes. There can be negative effects of technology in like social media, for sure. And that's like a whole different conversation, but like the positive, you know, that's a, that's a part of it that needs to be seen from the parents. And then I, I believe like questions. I think it's just kind of, how can I better understand, like, just ask questions, don't say like, stop doing this. Just say, why is this a part of your rhythm? Like, there's just a difference between that negative. And that's not what I did more than kind of like, why, why is this a new thing? Like, what's, what's the draw.

(04:10): So what are some of your favorite rhythms that we do as a family? Family-Wise I love that we really make it intentional to like, have those family dinners. I'll be around a lot, a lot of different friends, families and stuff. And some of them don't have that rhythm while they'll kind of just eat it there in time. And while that's still cool and it works for them. I just love the fact that we have that time at the end of the day, just to come together all at the table and like just kind of debrief from the day and like share the fun stuff, share like the, and you do this thing. It's really cool. I might not show appreciation for it all the time, but it is cool to hear everyone's different, like stories of their day. My dad will say, all right, what was your high and low for the day? And basically kind of have to explain why is that high? Why is that a low? And so normally, you know, you're eating dinner, like, okay, this is not right moment, but it actually, it was a cool conversation starter for the family to, and then you learn things that you didn't know before, because you haven't seen,

(05:11): I'm so glad it's recorded because now I know you like it. I'm playing for you. Cause a lot of times you, you guys all roll your eyes when I do it. So it's good to know. There are teenagers that are out there and I know you've been there at times where you don't want to do the family dinner. Like you'd rather just skip it. Why do you attend those family dinners? And when you could go out with friends,

(05:34): I actually just like family time. Like, I, I like you got, I feel like this is house and I'm very blessed. Cause this house is like a safe spot for me. So being an like with the family doesn't does not bother me. And like I like tomorrow for my birthday, we're going to talk golf as a family and I couldn't be more excited. Yeah. I am hanging out with friends in the, like in the day, but for that night, I just want to be with my family and just like celebrate just us five. And I think that's definitely a special part of our family and our rhythm and I, and I hope, and I'm praying that more teams can experience that because it is just like this feeling of, because you know that these people will be there for you all the time. So those family dinners, like those are non-negotiable, we've just kind of unintentionally decided as a family to make that non-negotiable and that's a rhythm I hope to keep.

(06:29): So not every family enjoys hanging out with each other. That's just a reality. But there are family values that all families have, whether they're announced or not announced. And for us, where are those family values that you see as live in day in, day out that make us a draw that you want to spend time with us?

(06:51): Yeah. I think a big one is how open we are with each other. We don't hold things in and like just go up to our rooms and, you know, anger, like keep the anger inside. We'll go down and be like, listen, I don't like how you do this part. I, for me, me and my dad had already discussed it. It was kind of like, I don't like how it's kind of feels like this is a way long time ago, but it was kind of like he was pressuring faith on me and I wanted to experience it for myself. And it was an open conversation and it works so well because we had that foundation already built from, you know, just kind of that, those baby steps of that openness. And he understood and it's been so great because I've been able to experience faith on my own and like understand what it means to be a follower of Jesus by myself, without that, you know, pressure. And so I feel that's a huge one because we've all done that in our family where we're like, can we work on this? That we can grow stronger and not, not start to go into our rooms and be in there and just hold that anger inside and then slowly build that resentment.

(07:57): So how do you encourage a parent and child or a father and daughter to be open? Because I know a lot of my buddies in clients and friends who listen to this, they like me are trying to push spiritual onto their kids. They want to raise them. Right? I mean, how do we communicate spiritual to you or anything that whole open piece you've talked about?

(08:19): It's also a huge part of being like dependent versus independent. You don't want them to grow up and be dependent on you for their faith, but at the same time you want them to be like their own follower, not just falling you follow, but how to do that. It honestly varies for each relationship that open communication, that kind of just, you just kind of have to start it. Like you, can't just, there's not, no, there's not a step process. It's more just kind of like, you have to have that first conversation. Maybe it's just going to coffee and being like, you know, the parent asking, okay, what, what am I doing that makes you feel pressured? Or like, what am I doing that is pulling you away from God? And then it's just the kid opening up. It has to happen naturally and kind of force. But if it's not happening already, there has to be that kind of instigator.

(09:08): I remember asking all three of your kids on a scale of zero to 10, 10 being the best, what am I as a father? And you know, the ranking didn't really matter. Cause my next question is really all that mattered was, you know, whatever you say, if you say seven, then I'm going to say, all right, great, what's going to take it to get me to a 10. And I remember Camden and Kayla both saying, don't talk faith coaching or any deep stuff before noon, which I obey that sometimes. And sometimes I still do it early, but I think that's just, it is being in you. And I had a whole different conversation around that, about me not pressuring, but instead inviting you into a spiritual journey. So what has been most impactful to you in your faith? Two

(09:52): Things come to mind. First one is my trip to Nicaragua with my dad actually. And that one was just more, I've never been out of the country until then. And I had never, it was so many first never climbed a volcano, never built a bathroom, like all these first kind of just, it was a huge milestone for just, you know, just for me like as a person, like completely stepping out of my comfort zone from the flight, because I remember shaking, I remember getting so excited, but then I got to the flight and I was in the line and I literally was shaking. I've never been like that nervous. And my dad was like, what is going on? Like, are you okay? And I'm like, I'm shaking. I'm so scared. No, that was a brief second because then the whole time we were laughing, smiling, and in the end there were even tears.

(10:44): So, but anyways, more of the story is climbing that volcano and getting to the top and seeing that like, I've never seen that much greenery, but yet there was just like the volcano yet was so like it was black. It's so hard to explain, but that was such a spiritual awakening just because I was like, this is crazy that God built this all and we are here and we get to enjoy it. And then that whole Genesis talk of kind of, he built this and he just said it was good. Like he was, you know, he was, this is good, but I am not pleased with everything yet. And then he bought us and he was like, this is very good. And then you're like, you take, you see it. And you're like, that's cool. And then you see it in person. And it just is mind blowing that he thinks that you're better than that.

(11:35): So I think that was number one. The second one is I started tithing again because I got I've paychecks now with my job. So instead of just like cash coming in from babysitting and like putting in different like piles, I had to figure out and just realign myself cause I was not tithing. It was not like I didn't want to tie it. I just, I just hadn't thought about it. Cause I wasn't putting them in piles. I was just all going into one big account. So I got on, you know, to crossroads and started tithing to them and it's been an, a monthly recurrence. And then right after I did that, I had a meeting with my bosses at work. And they said that they would really like to promote me, but you know, with more time and stuff that wasn't putting in that much hours, but it was so bizarre. And I was like, there was no coincidence because that was so it was like I was told to ties, like I felt the need to tie and the next day I go in and I get that amazing, you know, evaluation report. So it was really cool. And I feel like those were my two big ones that I keep bringing up on every time I'm asked. Yeah. Well there

(12:44): Are amazing stories and I've heard it said before. And my prayer for all three of you kids is that you are independently dependent on God. And both those stories are your own, you know, dependence on God, where you could have taken that money. And we had lots of conversations about what to do with the money, but understand, Hey, it's a 10% tithing and then we put a percentage in savings and then the rest of spend and yeah, you had some pushback and all the things you wanted to buy. I mean, you're a teenage girl. It's it's clothes. It's, I-phones, it's apple computers, it's coffees. I mean, it's all these different things that you want to buy, but you made that sacrifice, which is cool. And then right away you got a promotion. Not that right when you tied, you get a promotion, is it? It's not a guarantee, but so often we see as we are obedient, then we receive numerous blessings. So I think I love that. That's your story. It's so cool. One story in Nicaragua that I know is a crazy impactful to you and it's changed you a lot. And that was when you got to give the sandals to the mom of the family we were serving

(14:00): Before going. And you know, I saw this tendencies now I have very much a scarcity mindset. I like to keep what I have. And there's not a lot of, I mean, I'll share stuff, but it's very, it's very hard for me to let go, which is embarrassing to say out loud, but I know it's not just my struggle anyways, going into Nicaragua, we met this little boy at the family. We were building the bathroom for and I adored him like he is at this little six year old and he was just playing soccer. We just got along. Yeah, we didn't speak the same language, but he loved my camera. He loved getting pictures taken of home. So we built this like little relationship kind of in this friendship for these like three days that I got to see him. And then we were giving gifts, the family the last day and we got him kind of the most, just he was the youngest kind of the Mo more involved with all the volunteers.

(14:57): And so we got on flip flops, we got on bubbles, a new soccer ball cause his, you know, tired. And then we got his mom and his brother flip-flops as well, just because, you know, we wanted to give them something as well, because they're still very valuable and very important in this family. But I really, really wanted to go and give the little boy his stuff. Like that was like my, I was so excited and I got the bag and I'm like, I'm going to see this little face. And he does it. And I ended up not being the one to give his stuff, which again, totally fine with like I have to see it from afar, but I was like, okay, well I'm going to just give the mom her sandals. You know, I want him to give something. And this bashed around the mom, she was this very quiet, very humble person because that I will, I still look up to now and I'll be like, be like the mom and Nicaragua, which is funny that this girl, this woman that I had no words exchanged with, except for one, but like no words, we didn't speak the same language.

(15:56): And she taught us how to make food and stuff. There was no verbal communication to build this friendship off of, but every time we were building or mixing concrete, she was the one who was helping. Like she would help. She didn't let anything happen as a gift to her. She was in there digging the ditches and stuff. It was crazy to watch. I was like, this is a gift for your family. Like take it in, get, take this time to rest. She was always the last to eat. She fed everyone first, even on the volunteers. And then she ate whatever it was like left. And that just watching her on an, on the daily honestly was, was not like my focal point at the moment. But now it's crazy. When I look back on it, I'm focusing on what she was doing because yeah, I was, I was playing with her kid and like her other kid was helping, but she was just not letting she was not sitting down.

(16:53): And so fast forward to when I give her her flip flops and then her face just lights up, like I've, it was so crazy. There was more than like just her eyes widening. It was like a glow around her and all she says, and you can kind of see her, tear it off, which makes me want to cry and all she does, she hugs me and she just says grass. Yes. Like that's all because I think she knew I got some, the only words I knew, but it was eye opening just to see how much like a gift, a small token of appreciation of flip-flops could do for someone. It looked honestly as that was the first gift she'd ever just received. Like she wasn't expecting anything, even though she was just getting a bathroom book, but she took this, the flops like, oh my gosh, this is for me. This is like mine. And so from that moment on, I've just really tried to live my life like that. Just kind of, none of this is mine. I was all good. Is it all a gift to me? Yeah. I work hard for the money I get at my job, but it's not mine. Like it's in my bank account, but it's still God's. So I'm trying to use that as fuel to not become in that scarcity mindset.

(18:10): Thank you very much for listening to today's episode. I hope you are enjoying it so far before we go back to the rest of this episode. I want to share with you my book when at home first, some of you have read it. So thank you very much for others of you. You have not. And I encourage if you're looking for a resource to help you with these times of your work is now in your home and your home is now in your work and what this looks like. This book is being helpful to many leaders like you whores magazine said it was one of seven books. Everyone on your team should read in the book is broken up into four different sections to help you versus about you. Understand who you are. The second is marriage in ideas and tips to help with your marriage. Third is parenting and the last is work. So these four different sections to help you recalibrate during this time and to help move forward. So if you are needing additional resource, I encourage you to check out my book went home first. It is available on Amazon as well as audible and so on to the rest of the episode. Thank you very much.

(19:17): One thing that you do that I think is really cool is you do that mood coloring chart up in your room where you color-code each day based on your feelings, your emotions, and that's a little bit of you take note of your own days and most of your days are, are good. I think that's the pink color. And, but you do have some bad days as we all do, but why did you start tracking your moods?

(19:45): The kind of not so wisdom based answer is I saw it on Pinterest. I saw it. And obviously there was something I was like, that is so cool. I should start doing it. And it was very, it's not just like, oh, I have to do this. It kind of became that Adam moment. And then I had to just like regroup. Cause it was kind of like, oh, I have to do this every day. Like I have to make sure I do this at the end of the day. It's actually very freeing just to do that. Because then you see in the grand scheme of things, how your month has been out your few months, how your year has been. And I keep those, I've done. I'm on my third one now. And so I did it since 2019 and I have like 2000, 19, 7 20 in there in my like little keepsake box. And it's so funny. Cause I like look back at those and I'm like, I remember exactly what that day was or like it's, I don't know why, honestly like the exact reason I started it, but I'm very happy I did. And I know why have continued. It is just because it's fun to regroup at the end of the day and be like, what was yes there that happened? Yes, that happened. But what was my overall feeling on this

(20:58): Since you've gone back and you've looked at them and reflected on them. Yeah. Wow. That's cool. I did not know that, but it, over those last three years, that's crazy. You're also in your third year that you've had some cruddy moments along the way. I mean your whole junior year was virtual and then our third floor you've obviously had, you know what I mean? Like every teenager there's been friend drama, there's been ups and downs and boys and grades and whatever it is, we've had some ups and downs in this house, but what's impressive to see is when you look at the grand scheme of things, like you said, yes, there were some, what what's the bad color day. It was that yellow.

(21:42): That yellow is something like unexpected or maybe, oh, that's yellow is a great color. Okay. The bad color is red, Right? So red and there's some red on there. And in the thick of it, you probably feel when you're in the red, you're never getting out of the red you're here for life, but when you can zoom out and actually see, especially the three-year landscape, there are reds on those three different pieces of paper, but man, there are more yellows and even more pinks, which is great. That's so cool to see. And even just as I talk about it, it's like, I kind of wish I had a color chart because I could then see that. Yes, there's been months of low revenue for the business or there's been stresses in family or stresses wherever, but man, the grand scheme of things, it's been pretty darn good. Right. How do you live out your faith in a day to day basis? You go to a public school and how do you do it?

(22:39): I think it's just my presence that I really try to make sure I keep that positive attitude. Yes. I'll like, let's say I get a bad grade on a test or something that positive attitude does kind of deflate a little bit, but it's also just being that light for other people with my finger by have so many different stories of this. But I have a lot of friends who like come up to me and like, they'll know I'm, I'm a Christian. The know I have basically like a faster as my father, but that's not their like reason for asking me. I think they honestly genuinely like they want my feedback. So I had a friend asked me a questions about parts of the Bible that they didn't understand. And I didn't even know she was reading the Bible. So it was very eye opening for her to even just come up to me and ask me that.

(23:27): So I sat down with her and I like told her my views on it. And I definitely did like get nervous and I'm like, I feel like I'm not qualified to say this because I'm the same age as her. And I asked my dad questions. I think I remember texting him a few times. Like, do you know the answer to this? Because I don't, but I just love the fact that I have built this foundation of being the light for my friends and being that being honestly what the disciple is supposed to be, just being someone there that people can count on to ask questions and to be like, she's a follower. How do I grow in my faith? So I think that positive being the light.

(24:07): So Volta teenagers that listened to this, it's also helpful to all of us adults in the workplace, in the corporate environment, because some people, they don't know how to talk about the gospel, but everything you just said. Cause I, I know you're not just because of schedule and dance competitions. You can't be crazy involved in a lot of the different Christian organizations just because of schedule conflicts. So it's not like you're carrying the flag of some of those organizations. And, but instead of speaking, the gospel, you are living the gospel, you are doing what you can to live like Jesus, which is so cool. And that is what the draw is. And I think that for anybody listening, who in that corporate work setting or is a student in the school is just be, just be the gospel and from that can attract people. So Kylie, what do you wish I would have done differently in your teenage years?

(25:03): Oh wow. Okay. we talked about this earlier, the pressuring, but that honestly that's one thing I'm happy happened because it allowed us to talk about it and you know, find something that works for us.

(25:19): So how does a parent teach them the importance of discipline and the importance of faith and spending time in the word and, and maybe you still don't do all those things the way I would want them done or to the quantity I'd want them done. And that's where I have to have grace that you're not going to be reading the Bible every day. You don't have every single Bible verse memorized in all these different pieces. That's where I have to have grace. But on that pressure and piece, there's gotta be a point where we can't apply pressure. Yeah. Because otherwise you never would have seen the need to tie. You never would have that desire to go to Nicaragua or to even be bold in the study hall or cafeteria to talk to other people. So I, there is a tension between just freedom. You have free will go to what you want versus having some pressure. Right. We talk about invitation verse challenge, inviting a new relationship, but also challenging responsibility. So how does a parent out there is they're listening say, okay, I've got to do both. How does that work for a teenager?

(26:26): Some kids require like pressuring more frustrating than others. Like they won't do it unless they are specifically told how to and step by step instructions. On the other hand, there are kids that are like, just tell me what it is and I'll, I'll do it. You know, like I can do it on my own time. I'll get it done for like parents and kids listening out there. Like you just have to know your kid and know yourself and be like, listen, let's sit down and figure out what do you like? And like, how can I get this across to you, but without pushing you away.

(27:00): So when I have pushed you away, when it's not worked out that usually when I'm coming to high challenge back to your very beginning, I'm not asking questions, I'm not asking your perspective. I'm just trying to drive the hammer.

(27:13): It's yeah. And then it's also just, we're very similar. So it's kind of like, okay, I, all you're doing is telling me what to do and like, I need to be independent and figure this out for myself. Yeah. High invitation, high challenge. You know, I think we are more on the side of, I mean, I guess we could say we're in the middle, but leaning towards more invitation, just, just for our like me and your relationship. But like for Camden it would be more high chat or like closer to the challenge and less invitation just because of how we're wired. That's like the beauty of like us three different kids. And I think that's probably harder for you cause we're all different. So it's kind of like trying to figure out the balance is not the same across all three, but that, yeah. So for us it's more, more invitation just because we've learned that independence works for me more in this faith journey, but yet I love hearing the different verses and like different ideas.

(28:12): Like right now we're, we're, we're working through the book of John, like as a family and did it in a great way of just saying a chapter a day. And so you have that, you have that freedom of when you want to do that in the day and you don't even have to do in that day. If like, for example, I was on a, I was at dance nationals and basically he said, we're just gonna meet and discuss it before we leave for our next trip. And so I have that time and I have that window of when I want to do it. So that invitation is very nice and the independence of feeling, not pressured, I have to make sure I get my book done set. Like it's very nice. And so that works for us, but you know, some families that doesn't work for,

(28:53): Well, just to clarify, you said I did a nice job of how we're doing the book of John. You recall? I did it high challenge. It was a train wreck. It was, I don't even remember how exactly I said it, but I think I just said kids every day, we're getting together on the table, we're going to read this. And it's the way it is to be all of you went to mom to say this isn't working, this isn't right. Mom came to me and it was actually Holly at the great idea of think of a better way. They're there. They will be receptive if you come up with kind of a more creative way. So the greater way was already fine chapter day, read it on your own. And if you want, we'll meet on Saturday mornings for donuts and we'll talk about it.

(29:39): So, I mean I, and think that's it just for all the listeners and I'll tell clients is some of the content I share in coaching sessions. And even on these podcasts, when you go roll it out, your family expect rolled eyes, expect some spiritual warfare against it, expect some resistance because it's a new thing. It's making them uncomfortable, but have the grace to yourself, the grace, even to your loved ones that they are going to push back and then just recalibrate to kind of figure out what's the best way, the best path forward. We talk a lot about the five capitals in the house. I'll quiz. You do you know the five capital?

(30:20): Oh yes. So I can say, okay. Yes, spiritual is first, then relational, then physical than intellectual than financial. Nice job. Sweet. That's good stuff. All right. I say that all the time to you or we talk about it. How do you live it out? How does it affect your life? Yeah, I, I think honestly, just knowing that financials last is important in everyone's life. Just knowing that that needs to be the last priority. Of course I get it. If you're the provider for the family that is going to be stressful and that is going to be a stress on you. But at the same time, you have to understand that the four other ones are much more important in the grand scheme of things like spiritual for me, I needed to make sure that I understood that that was even more important than relationships and I needed to make sure that God's relationship with me was my highest priority. And I've gotten to the point where like now when I talk to him, I'll be like, dear God. But at the same time, like sometimes I'm just say like, Hey dad, like, it's very, I've gotten to that point where it's so easy for me to talk to them, which is so freeing.

(31:31): And I feel called to just to tell you guys that if you have that pressure and there's a pressure with Jesus and it's kind of like a very like old and traditional way that he's authority and like very, you have to be like on your hands and knees and yes, that is a way to pray. But at the same time, you can also have that open feeling. If you're, if that's more inviting to you of kind of any time, like I'll just be like in bed before I go to sleep. And I just want me to talk to someone and I'm like, Hey dad, are you, if you're listening, like, I know you heard my day if you saw it, but I'm going to tell you everything about it because I, you know, I need to let it out. And that that's so freeing. So having that for sure, having that kind of open conversation with him all the time is because I knew that spiritual is first.

(32:18): And then knowing that physical was also an important part, but yet not the most important part. I think that's very hard on some people just because they love, like, they're like, shoot, I need to go to the gym. I need to do this and this. Okay. Pause. Like, how is it looking in relationship wise? Have you, you know, have you talked to, I've talked to the family today, have you hung out with anyone? Because that's not the physical is not the most important part, so you have to make sure, but the five capitals are very important and very have even impacted me. And I didn't think they would as much just because of my,

(32:56): Is there anything that you think parents need to know that you've not said yet in raising a teenager, trying to help them to grow in their faith when a home first, is there anything that you wanted to mention that you've not yet?

(33:13): Yeah. Yeah. So just for the parents out there, just remember that every kid that you have, they're going through something they're going through life in general, which has its ups and downs. But just remember to just sit down with them and ask them one, one-on-one no other like intentions behind it, just but just saying, how are you? Like, how was your day? That's something that, you know, my family does after school. That's how was your day? First question not, Hey, can you do this? Like, Hey, make sure you get your homework done. Hey, you got to get to practice. It's how was your day? Like just me just having that first initiation of the conversation to let them know that you care will go such, such a long way.

(34:01): That's great. I do have a further question on that because how was your day? A lot of times as a parent, you get the response fine. Okay. Or one word answers. So back to this question, how do we get more depth out of that interaction?

(34:22): Okay. And I think, instead of saying, how was your day? You asked them straight on, did you do anything fun today? Like what was new in school and like, cause I guess also from the kids' perspective, how was your day could be perceived as a, they have to ask this question. Like we just got picked up from school. They're gonna, like, they have to ask us how it was. They haven't seen us in eight hours, whatever. But instead you could be like, did you guys like learn anything cool in school today? Did you guys do in the lab? How was recess and stuff like that to make it more inviting for them to have a bigger answer would definitely be helped.

(35:00): And one thing, listen to you this whole episode. So far as I've even taken notes, as you've talked, it made a big thing for you as a teenager, it's on your heart is us parents asking questions to you? Like that is a constant theme that you said. That just makes me think that one, sorry, for the times they don't ask questions and I'm very directive. And so that's a little bit of a wake-up call for me to think about, because I know sometimes questions take time questions take too long, or you're going to have this long answer. I don't want to hear the answer. I don't have time for the answer. I've got to go to my next appointment. I've got to go do this. But if I'm directive, well it's over. I mean, it gets done, but you're everything you keep saying is all about questions, which take time, which take listening.

(35:49): But it's also where you build relationship. It's so cool to hear you say that. And I didn't know that this would be the path that this took. Joshua just makes me think. I mean, they talk about Jesus all the time that he asks more questions than really anything and all of his dialogue. And I love and John where the very first words out of Jesus' mouth that John captures in that book is what are you seeking? It's a question. And so what you're wanting out of us as parents is a little bit of what Jesus did. He just asked questions and that's, that's pretty cool. Anything in gaze, a teenager listens to this that you want them to know.

(36:30): Openness goes both ways. You can't expect the parent to be open and when you're overwhelmed or like a brick wall, they can't talk to a brick wall. So make sure you just break that down for them to instigate that openness.

(36:45): It's a two way street as awesome, man. This is cool. And I didn't go through all my questions, but that was a fun conversation. Thank you for taking the risk of being on here. And this is a little bit of invitation challenge. I invite you to, beyond the vodcasts at the same time, as a challenge of I, you had to think about yet not prepared, but think breakthrough. I mean, I'm sure there was some preparation on your end do so. Thank you for doing it. I already am confident that this will be a blessing to many people. So thank you. Oh, that's awesome. You are. You're welcome. What is your Instagram handle for any teenagers that are listening that you know what I want to follow? Kylie

(37:28): Kylie dot Carlson, highly K I L E Y. Awesome. Easy, very easy. Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom. Thank you for being an amazing daughter and I can't wait to see what more God has in store for you. Thanks. I want to thank you for listening to my podcast. When at home first, I am so grateful to hear from listeners like you, that this content has been helpful. So now I would love for you to pay it forward. I want to get this message in the hands of more listeners. We need leaders to be winning both at home and at work, especially during this time. So please take a minute to share this episode with somebody you think would find value in it, as well as rate and subscribe as a thank you, please visit my website@coriumcarlson.com to download a free resource that people are finding value in. Thank you very much. This is

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