Have a podcast in 30 days

Without headaches or hassles

In this episode, you’ll discover… 

  • How running your family like a well-oiled business prevents you from bankrupting your marriage (2:59) 
  • 4 questions that help you easily craft your life’s vision statement tonight (5:38) 
  • The weird way being ruthlessly selfish helps you love your wife and children more (6:30) 
  • How burning out in your career drowns your mind with anxiety, depression, and suicidal thoughts (and how to overcome these nasty feelings) (14:01) 
  • The insidious way too much success can cause you to have a heart attack in your early 40s (15:56) 
  • Why exercise is perhaps the single best way to banish anxiety and depression (17:44) 
  • How sharing your weaknesses, shortcomings, and failures makes you stronger (especially if it feel like it makes you less of a man) (27:03) 
  • The “3S System” that prevents you from becoming so exhausted you give yourself a panic attack (33:02) 
  • How taking a “Sabbath Day” every week doubles your productivity (34:03) 

If you’d like to connect with Bryan, you can shoot him an email at bkaiser@vernovis.com.  

If you’re feeling stuck, are lacking confidence, or you’re inconsistent, I want to help you. I’m launching The Confident & Consistent Leader Program on June 7th to help you grow in the four main areas of your life: You, marriage, parenting, and business. To check out this program before it launches, head over to https://www.corymcarlson.com/leadership/.  

Are you crushing it at work but struggling at home? If you want to learn how to win at home, then go to https://CoryMCarlson.com and download your free copy of “10 Ways To Win At Home.”

If you're looking for a resource to help you with these times when your work is now in your home, check out my book Win At Home First on Amazon. Forbes Magazine rated it one of 7 books everyone on your team should read.

Read Full Transcript

Welcome to the win at home first podcast. I'm your host, Cory Carlson. This podcast is where we talk about how successful business leaders win, not only at work, but also at home. On this podcast, we will go behind the scenes with great leaders to hear stories of how they win. Thank you for listening and on to today's episode.

(00:25): Hello, this is Corey. Today's episode. Brian Kaiser is a great one because there's so much to learn due to his transparency. He talks about having a panic attack right before. COVID kind of what caused it, what led up to the panic attack as well, how he rebounded. And there's so much to learn from all of us who are working hard to win at home when I work. And if we're not careful, it can lead to burnout. It can lead to panic attacks. We talk about that and then he gets very tactical on what helped him best to rebound promise. It's a super helpful episode. It's something we all need to hear. So onto today's episode, hello, this is Corey. Welcome to the winter home first podcast today, I'm joined by Brian Kaiser, who is founder and president of Verna vis. And they are a company that is just growing crazy fast with basically COVID increase their footprint there in multiple cities. Now started in Cincinnati and now have 75 employees. He is a husband, he's a father of three young ladies and a strong man's faith. And he's just got a, just a cool story on a bunch of different levels from launching companies to even what kind of transpired over the last year and a half. So excited to have you on here today, Brian. Thank you.

(01:46): Thank you, Corey. It's great to see you again, and I will just make one tweak to that awesome introduction. And the company name is [inaudible].

(01:53): Let's dive in Brian. What is that key trait to win at work and win at home? Oh gosh.

(02:00): You know, Corey, I, I, that's a big question. I think the, the key trait is vision. You have to have a vision for your career. If that's something that you feel led to do, having a vision for your family or your marriage, basically, where, where are you trying to go as an individual? By the time that life is all said and done, and you're put in to the ground and you have a, have a grave stone or epitaph, what do you want that to say? And I think starting with the end in mind was a huge game changer for me.

(02:40): So I love the word vision and how to do it. But what I also know is a lot of people don't have a vision for their home life. They have a vision for the company that they worked for started, as I'm sure we'll talk about it to your company, but when it comes to the home, there's really not much of a vision. It's almost it. So how have you put a vision blaze for your family? Yeah.

(03:05): I found very quickly that we tend to put a lot of time and energy into our work. We set visions, we set many visions. We block time, we scheduled time. Anything that's important to us. We write down, we put it on a piece of paper, any meeting or time that we feel is valuable. We block it on our calendar and I felt like there is this huge disconnect for me between my work life and my personal life. And applying those same principles from work to personal was a huge leap in very challenging. So I think just having an intentionality around putting that vision on paper, your individual vision for yourself, for your family, for your marriage is huge as well as just being intentional with your time. I mean, my wife and I have an 1130 meeting every Monday and we, we review what we call it, a coaches meeting and we review our calendar, anything administrative, anything that needs to get done, it's all the business stuff in our relationship so that those don't overlap during the week. But it's on our calendar every day, every week at 1130 on Monday, we schedule a date night, every Thursday night, it's on the calendar. It's blocked off. Do we make every Thursday? No, we don't make every Thursday, but the times we miss, maybe there's another obligation. We'll shift it or it's on the calendar for next week. So I think the intentionality of writing things down and calendaring things in your personal life is just as important. And it works in your business life too.

(04:52): Now, one thing I just want to reiterate for people, cause I've done it too, is putting things in the calendar and never deleting them, just moving them. That was a game changer for me, both in personal and even work life where the work area where I really implemented it was strategic time for my own self where I could just think about the business and I would block that time. And if I had to move, it I'd move it. But I do my best never to delete it. So, Brian, do you have a vision statement for your life? I do. What is it? Yeah. Do you mind if I read it to you? That'd be awesome. Okay.

(05:29): Yeah. Well, I carry it around on my phone. Okay. Which is good. Good to access because I do need to refer back to it from time to time. It's very simple. I answered four questions. Who are you? Okay. My answer to that was, I'm a son of God. Who do you love? How do you love them? I love God. First. I love myself. Second. I love my wife third and I love my children fourth. Then my family, friends and coworkers, what do I value? I value honesty, fun, encouragement, faith in God hard, work adventure in relationships and towards what end to help advance the kingdom of God. So just keep it very simple. Who do I love? This was big for me. I, I, I, at times in my life have said, I love God first, but I would say it but not live it. Okay. Secondarily love yourself second, because if you don't love yourself and you don't take care of yourself, then bad things happen after that. And we're going to get into some of that a little bit later, but I was, I was putting God first, then putting my family and marriage second and putting my business up in there somewhere too. And next thing you know, I was completely empty. My gas tank was empty and I found myself in a very tough spot.

(07:02): Yup. Well, I love that vision statement and those four questions. Pretty helpful. I think any listener can hear that and probably start to put that in their own life. How often are you reviewing that? Brian's at a daily thing every morning. You look at it,

(07:16): You know, I don't, I probably I'd probably say it's once a quarter, it comes up and I'll take a look at it. Maybe it's not enough, but I've put my first one together, not too long ago, maybe four or five years ago. And I've tweaked it along the way. I've had several different iterations of that and I can go back and see the different versions. This one's a little bit more simple than the first couple that I did. The other ones were more extensive. There's no right or wrong. It's like having a extensive strategic plan in business or a simple strategic plan. The key is to have a strategic plan of some sort. And you're going towards some towards of light post or lighthouse.

(07:56): Yeah, that's neat. I have some longer things that I'll read on a Google doc that I'll read occasionally majority of mornings I hit, but then I've got the short vision statement of connect people to greater performance, even more significant purpose. But I have both of those for the same reasons. Sometimes I need that deep dive to other times. It's that quick reminder. So Brian, you kind of mentioned that we'll get into talking about what it looked like when you didn't love yourself, when you kind of forgot about yourself and you and I talked off before we hit recording, but a little bit of that. And that was quite honestly, that was new to me. I did not know that. And, but yet even just hearing some of it inspiration because I know many people can relate. So share a little bit about what that looked like. I mean, it's about little over a year, year and a half ago and you just kind of hit a wall. I'd love to hear more about that for those listeners, because I know so many people, including myself have had some low points over these last 12, 18 months. Yeah.

(08:52): And that scripture is coming to mind right now. Corey of love your neighbor as you love yourself. And I feel like that's part of the process problem in our society is that we can't love our neighbor. Like we love ourselves because we don't love ourselves first. And so yeah, there's came to mind one to share, but yeah, I mean, I, I started this company for Novus 12 years ago on a whim. I felt led to do it spiritually. I have been in this industry for seven or eight years and really enjoyed it and kept film, feeling the prompting to do it and took the leap of faith, which was scary. Awesome. all the feelings that you would imagine starting a company in, in one of those stories did it out of my second bedroom for a while. And you know, my first year I think my income was $16,000.

(09:46): And at the end of my first year, we had our first and we now have free. So we have three daughters, Kelly, Caroline and Kaitlin 11, eight and six. So when a 12 year period started a company and I've started a family and the demands from both of those are significant putting the hours in two weeks, fast-growing entrepreneurial business, wearing a million hats and then coming home after that being completely exhausted, trying to play the role of father and husband and coach and all the other hats that you wear somewhere along the way I started putting the business and family and marriage ahead of maybe even God and myself, quite honestly, because the time commitment and time demands felt so significant that I was elevating those things time most in a idolatry type of way. Well, I feel like God told me to start this business.

(10:47): So I'm going to pour my heart and soul and this business, and it became an idol almost. I was then asked to, we were looking to expand our footprint out of Cincinnati and opened an office in Columbus and long story short around that. But our leadership team and board said, Hey, we know the right guy to go. It's Kaiser, CIN, Kaiser up there. Talk with my wife. And we agreed to an assignment. It was an indefinite assignment of going to Columbus for two to three days a week. And that lasted for a couple Oh years. Well, during that time, my philosophy was while I'm already in Columbus, I might as well work 16 hour days. So I was getting up at 5:00 AM on a Tuesday. I was commuting to Columbus. I would work a full day meeting with customers. And then at night I would have one happy.

(11:40): Yeah. Our two happy hours. I remember one night I had four happy hours. And then I was apparently super happy that day. And then I had a dinner and I was out until midnight. And the next day I got up and hit repeat. And the next day I got up and hit repeat, and this became a rhythm for me. Okay. And what I found was in order for me to get through the day, I would get up in the morning and I would drink a ton of caffeine just to wake up and stay awake and stay motivated. Then I have an issue. I don't know if a lot of others do, but after 10:00 AM, I can't drink Kat because it keeps me up. So I suddenly switched to a old habit that I had back in high school and college chewing tobacco. So I would drink coffee from 7:00 AM to 10:00 AM, shoe tobacco until five o'clock or so.

(12:34): And then I would hit up a happy hour or multiple happy hours until nine, 10, 11, 12. Yeah. And I thought, wow, I'm, I'm doing this for God. I am working my butt off. He says, do your work with, of your mind and all of your heart and all of your strength. And I was doing that and that this, this is how I'm going to do it. I'm just going to work my butt off. And I would do that too. It's a week Corey. Then I would come home on a Thursday or Friday and my wife would greet me, Hey honey, how are you? I'm tired of having the kids. So here's the kids. Oh. And by the way, I haven't seen see you in a long time. So after you put the kids to bed, we're going to do a little home date. Right?

(13:14): Okay. Well, the home date night would be, do you want a glass of wine? And I'd say sure. And she would have a glass and I would finish the bottle because I was so stressed out. And so tired. Then on Friday night was social night. Saturday was social. I mean, this, this became a daily habit and I could hear God during this same, slow down, slow down. I've heard him say, you cannot work the next 20 years like you did the first 20 years. And I believe he'll allowed me to get to a point. He gives us free, will he gives us the choice. I was choosing those things. I was making poor choices for a long period of time. And it eventually caught up with me. And I can remember to this day, it was the Monday after Thanksgiving, 2019. I went to the office and I had a major panic attack.

(14:19): And this is something that I had had back in my twenties and I had defeated it. And I, I hadn't had one really, I mean, maybe mild tremors of one, but for 20 years I didn't have AP attack. And this was the first time in 20 years. And I just felt like I was completely burnt out. I was completely off the Richter scale. I was completely, or the train had got off the tracks. I was just a mess. And I was struggling with anxiety. I was struggling with depression. I was having suicidal thoughts and we all have had those thoughts. We've all had those. You're a crappy father. You're a crappy business person. Oh, you should just go. You know, in the, you know, we've all had those thoughts when you're in a healthy spot and your gas tank's full. What do you do? You, you can just, Oh, that's a stupid thought and deflect it and move on.

(15:13): You can handle them. But these were really sticking to me and it scared, it scared the living crap out of me, quite honestly. So I would encourage people if you're ever in that spot to tell somebody, it took me weeks. I just salt in my own dirty diaper for a couple of weeks. And finally I mentioned it to my wife and her response was because I'm the provider. Her response was, get your back in the game, man. You know, and she didn't understand the level of depression and anxiety that I was dealing with stress and I don't expect her to. And I'm sure it startled her. Okay. I started sharing some of this with clients and friends. And you're one of those victims of your own success. You're one of those guys. You're one of the, and at the same time I was reading some books about, I was reading your book.

(16:09): I was reading a few other books and there were stories in there about the authors being in their forties, having a heart attack from stress. Oh my gosh, it is God revealing. Like this is the path that I'm on. So then you know, after I started sharing but my recommendation people, if you ever get to that point, start sharing it with people. The more people I shared that with and, and shine the light on it, the more wisdom I got, the more freedom I got, I called my mentor, a person that we both know. And I finally confessed to him what was going on? He had no idea. I was hiding it from him.

(16:51): I did a great job of masking a man. I did a really good job of masking it. So so I, I would say I was praying for a miracle. I was praying for God's help. And a few months later, this was November of 2019. COVID happened. And suddenly I found myself, I was off the road. All commitments were completely ripped off of our calendar. The struggle at that point was isolation during a time of depression, but it also gave me time to get back in the Bible, into established, healthy rhythms and to read some books that really sunk in during that time. And I, I feel like for me, that was a blessing of time outside of the isolation. It was a blessing. And from that new things have sprouted, new rhythms have sprouted. That's helped me pull out of this depression. And I would say one is exercise. I mean, I wasn't even exercising. That was something that I thought when you get into your forties, thirties, and forties too bad, man, he works 70 hours a week and you got three kids. You just don't get the exercise anymore. I just finally said, I'm going to start doing it. And I found that out, put on,

(18:12): You probably put on some weight too, during that time of Columbus and the the drinks and everything.

(18:18): Oh man. I was just, I was physically, spiritually, emotionally, just a wreck. And I did,

(18:26): Which doesn't help any of it either that doesn't help the moods real quick before we continue, because I want to hear about new rhythms. I want to hear about 2020, all those pieces. I want to go back to the slow down when you heard that from God, how long from the slow down to the, you know, that November time where you had that anxiety attack? I mean, where are we talking a day? Are we talking? You set on slow down for six months.

(18:54): I was hearing, my estimate would be, I was hearing that for six months now. I was running at such a fast pace. The noise and stress was so high that it was very faint. The still small voice was there, but I was just running right over it. But there was no question. He had been courting me and preparing me and letting me know to slow down for it. I would say at least six months, I was hearing that.

(19:28): What would you tell that individual it's out there right now? Kind of maybe hear that faint whisper slowed down or they need to, I mean, what, what was the naysayer of, Brian's saying to God when you said slow down, just like I can, or I will in three months when I'm done with this project or what, what was going on that would help others who are feeling this same tension? I,

(19:52): I would encourage if I could do it over again, I would obey slow down. I didn't even know what that meant. I didn't even, I had built this hamster wheel that I had built one, God didn't build it, but I built it. And I was on this thing that I created thinking I was doing it for God. And it was just, it wouldn't stop. It just kept going. But I would encourage people. If you hear that still small voice to ask God for help, ask them for help. Okay. I hear you. How do I do that? Because I was hearing it for six months. Then I hit the rock bottom. Then that's when I finally said, I need your help. And once I said, I need your help. The doors started opening to that help God was holding that back. I was ready.

(20:48): Right. Which we talked about, God gives us free will, but he also wants us to take the first move at times even he's, he's got a whole tool chest ready to help us, but we've, we've got to make that step forward.

(20:58): Yeah. a good good friend mentor of mine said that one time, God's a great chess player. He will, he will wait for you to make the next move until he makes his move. And he's very patient. A lot of us know what the next move is. We may not be one step at a time when you walk with God. And a lot of us know what that next move is, but we often don't take it or we take a while to take it.

(21:24): Why do you think that is pride?

(21:27): Fear, fear of what that step is. Fear of what this step afterwards is the unknown.

(21:33): Yeah. Cause no one gets comfortable. Even if it's unhealthy, it can become very comfortable.

(21:39): I known unhealthy behavior was like my best friend. This is what comforted me. This is what comforted me. It was the long, the long weeks of work, the piling on the hours, the lack of sleep, the caffeine, the tobacco, the alcohol, there were all my friends during that time. Sadly. Yeah.

(22:04): Yeah. And were you able to stop all of those or have you stopped or you just got it all back

(22:11): Def. I mean, I cut out the nicotine completely, which was good. I did a 90 day alcohol fast and then a 30 day alcohol fast. And I've cut that way back. That is very hard to not do that in my line of business because there's golf, outings and happy hours and things like that. But I believe it's in a more healthy spot. I've given my wife permission to, you know, if she sees me get out of line to bump me, I've given my friends permission. I've given my business partner permission. And if they ever see me cross the line on that to let me know, I think it's just shining that light on that caffeine. I've cut way back on that as well.

(22:54): Thank you very much for listening to today's episode. I hope you are joined so far before we go back to the rest of this episode. I want to share with you my book when at home first, some of you have read it. So thank you very much for others of you. You have not. And I encourage if you're looking for a resource to help you with these times of your work is now in your home and your home is now in your work and what this looks like. This book is being helpful to many leaders like you whores magazine said it was one of seven books. Everyone on your team should read in the book is broken up into four different sections to help you versus about you. Understand who you are. The second is marriage in ideas and tips to help with your marriage. Third is parenting and then last is work. So these four different sections to help you recalibrate during time and to help move forward. So if you are needing additional resource, I encourage you to check out my book went home first. It is available on Amazon as well as audible and so on to the rest of the episode. Thank you very much.

(24:02): Part of my story, Brian, I've got a couple of different stories if you will, but the one that's kind of ringing true right now is when I was traveling every week when I was president of sales for this company, I was traveling every week and I would come on the weekends, try to be super dad, super husband. And what I've found is I had no friends and I know that sounds so extreme. I had a guy who could go grab a beer with, or you know, a coffee, but I wasn't really doing life with anyone. And I remember meeting you. I don't even know when you're not first met. Call it five years ago. You had a very strong friend network and a lot of guys don't. So for you, you had a strong guy now at work. What happened during that time? Was it going back to masking it very well? Or did you just find yourself? Actually, I never saw them. What did your friend network look like? Yeah,

(24:53): My friend network we, we called we started something, it was called a Wolf pack probably five, six, seven years ago. There's 12 of us. We've been together. We meet monthly, we affectionately call our Wolf pack the Goonies, which is a fun, little name, a nickname for it. And it's, it's a bunch of high powered, a personality guys. And you know, I think for me, we were continuing to meet during this dark time and I thought I was okay. I really thought I got this thing all glued together. I got, you know, the travel and the coaching and the mom or the dad thing and the husband thing. I got this thing working really well. I kept hearing God say slow down and I didn't seek wisdom on that. Or perhaps someone else. I, I remember sitting in those, we get together about once a month and I remember sitting there thinking, I need to share with this with these guys what's going on and I didn't call it fear, call it embarrassment, call it, you know, other people had stuff they were sharing. And I didn't feel like mine was worthy of it because it wasn't quite that bad. And looking back on that, that, that could have been my outlet to start the healing process sooner rather than later.

(26:11): I think also when we get ready to vocalize something, there's the shame for sure. There's the fear of, well, not, everyone's going to really relate or they're going to think I'm weak. If I'm one of these eight personalities in the Wolf pack, I should be a managed, forgot to pull my own bootstraps. But if I can't, then they're going to think I'm weak. All that stuff. Satan is kind of funnel into our brain during that time. For sure. So for you being in that group, you had an amazing group. You didn't speak up. Is there things that for us guys who are in groups that we can do better in a group setting like to challenge, you know, as opposed to just accepting I'm okay as an answer, not that you have the solution, but man, what can us as guys do when you know, we've got someone in the group that could use some help?

(27:02): That's a great question because I feel like guys in general struggle with sharing their feelings. I feel like they struggle with sharing any struggles that they have our society does make you feel like it is weakness for sharing something you're struggling with. And I've found every time that I've done it, I've been strengthened through it by sharing it. So it's the exact opposite. It is an absolute lie. It's the opposite of what we think of what the world thinks. It is a sign of strength to share those things. And I've found when I do share things like I'm sharing today, I've had so many people follow up with me and say, thank you for sharing that because I was struggling with that too. And I didn't tell anybody and hearing that story made me go tell somebody. And so I, I think was just a perception and a lie that we've, we've believed as a society. [inaudible]

(28:00): And you talk about bringing light to something. You read my book. So, you know, putting a bar my story, but when I came clean to my affair and granted, there was all kinds of shrapnel after that, that happened for sure. But man, there were a lot of people that have kind of been healed and transformed through that story because of their own brokenness. And it may not have been an affair for them, but it was just something because there's power in that vulnerability, especially with men. And so I appreciate you sharing this on this podcast with win-win for his audience as well, just as you're going out, having coffees and meetings with people, sharing it because I too have just seen folks have breakthrough from me sharing my story. So man, I just hope it encourages people to kind of let loose and then start sharing because we need the help. Absolutely.

(28:51): Yeah. And you ask a question like how do, how do we as men get to that next level with other men? I think part of it is a man has to be ready to share. And usually it's when you hit the point of, of being ready to share, I had hit a point finally that the pain of staying the same and going down that same path exceeded the pain, the change. And so I think men, men generally wait until they hit that point. I'm going to try to figure this out on my own before I share it with anybody. But I think if we're men, we need to discern if we see body language or if we get a short answer, I'm fine trying to dig another question or two after that. I don't know if I would, even if someone did that, I don't know if I was quite ready. Maybe if they asked the right question, I would have opened up a little bit, but yeah, that's a tough one

(29:45): With your you and your wives meetings. 1130. I know part of the benefit of that I've heard from some is how to communicate their spouse and from this podcast. And so that's been helpful. So for you, is it similar when you're having those one 30 meetings pre break down that you just were kind of masking it? I got this figured out. What would you have done differently on those 1130 meetings?

(30:09): It's funny. I think we we start, I mean, we just recently started those meetings within the last year and a half, so that, that may have birthed right around when all this was happening. So yeah.

(30:22): A new go-forward plan. You have what other go four plans you have that are going to prevent you from, you know, kind of falling into an anxiety type thing again? Sure.

(30:35): One is exercise. My daughter just brought home a sheet they're doing health ed at school. It says that the 50 reasons why to exercise, there's 50 of them on there. And one was alleviates anxiety alleviates. I mean, we know all these things, but I think it's interesting as kids, we have a recess or two or three throughout the day. Well as adults, we just grind through a seven to five, seven to six day. We don't take a break. We don't exercise nothing. I mean, for 20 years for me, I honestly believe that the lie that if I would exercise, I would miss something or someone would miss me. And I finally just said, I got to do this for my health. I'm I'm in a depressed, suicidal state. This is something that fills my tank up and I got to start doing it. So I did. And I guess what in a year and a half, I haven't missed one thing and no one's missed me. So that's been huge. And we have these little devices that we carry around in our pocket that we're connected 24 seven. And why can't I take a 30 minute or 45 minute break to do a workout? I'm looking at my phone before I work out. I'm looking at it afterwards. It's not like I haven't missed anything. So that's yeah. And

(31:55): One thing I'll talk with clients a lot and basically like you we're talking right now, whatever, it's been 45 minutes, 30 minutes, whatever it's been, you've not looked at your phone once to do emails. You haven't done phone calls, you haven't done anything. You've been focused and intentional here. And I'll say that to clients as well as like you can go exercise, you can survive 45 minutes or hour or even longer. Like I used to love plane rides where there was no wifi because you had two, three hours of just thinking or reading or whatever it may be and you'd land. And you'd find out when you look at all those emails that you missed, some of the problems were solved while you were in the air. You know, the team members stepped up to the plate and got things done. The client actually, Oh, just get back to me by the end of the week. I mean, it's just unbelievable how it shakes out, but we get in our head that we are so important. And the reality is is we're not,

(32:50): We're not. And I, I believe exercise is, is extremely beneficial, but I feel like a spiritual foundation, spiritual exercise is essential. It's essential. So the other three things that I've implemented are what I call the three S's and I, and I stole something from your book around the idea of solitude. So one of the S's is solitude. We are horrible as a society, including myself of spending time alone in quiet. And one of the other S's for me is silence. So I try to implement solitude every day. I try to implement a period of silence every day might be I have a 30 minute drive somewhere. Why I used to either listen to the radio talk radio. So I'm just hearing some noise of someone else's opinion, or I would pack that entire 30 minute drive with a business call because I did, I didn't want to miss an opportunity.

(33:49): I got a wasted 30 minutes here. I'm going to call everyone that I know during that time. So I'm now taking, trying to look at times throughout the day that I can implement 30 minutes of solitude and silence. Okay. The third S is a very churchy word, but it's Sabbath and Sabbath simply means to take a day off and rest man. And I think a lot of us have a misconception of that is like, Oh, I took Saturday off or I took Sunday off. I did house. I didn't work at my job, but at his house projects all day, or I did the laundry or I help I cooked dinner or not. It's like, it literally means to rest puts everything down.

(34:33): What, what do you do for Sabbath? I mean, technology, do you turn it off? Are you allowed to have the TV on? I mean, what, what, what are you doing for Sabbath?

(34:40): So, so our definition in the Kaiser house is anything and everything that makes you feel rested. Okay. Now with the exception of electronics, handheld electronics. So it's, it's a no electronic day, okay. For 24 hours, except for we can watch a movie together. If that's something that we want to do as a family, we'll turn on a movie and watch a movie, but whatever feels restful to you. So some times it's a family thing. All of us are going to go on a bike ride. Okay? Some Sundays a bike ride doesn't sound restful to me. I have to really discern the Holy spirit. Sometimes golf feels very restful to me. Sometimes it feels like an obligation. Sometimes having mom and dad over for dinner feels restful. Sometimes it feels like an obligation. So through the repetition we've learned, like, what are the things that are restful to us and what are the things that are stressful to us? And that's the key, let the peace of God be the umpire to your heart around this. Let the peace of God be the umpire to your heart. So if you're having stress about doing something, that's probably not restful. It might be fun, but it might not be restful. So we're still learning this, but we're way down the path. And we're seeing a ton of fruit from this. I can't tell you how much energy I have throughout the week because I take a day off and rest because I obey one of the 10 commandments.

(36:20): Yeah. Yeah. We always overlook it. And he's like, I think you said you were saying it where some things are family. Some things are not. And we do not do a perfect SAB at our house, but where we will divide up as individuals so we can get some Sabbath moments. Like Holly likes to watch a movie. And my oldest daughter likes a movie to me. That's not restful at all. I'd rather read, or I may, you know, maybe go to the gym or trail run, but then we'll come together and do something else, you know, board games or whatever. It could be just for a kind of clarification for the listeners too. And I solitude in silence. Silence is pure, quiet and some prayer back and forth solitude. That's when you're in scripture and journaling,

(37:07): Scripture journaling, or just being alone, maybe I just go on a walk by myself. I mean, I don't know about most people, most of the listeners, but if you're anything like me, I'm constantly connected at work. I'm constantly connected at home. My job is very social. I'm in sales. So I'm, I'm on the phone with customers. I'm meeting with customers and I come home and I'm meeting with my wife and meeting with my kids. I'm constantly around somebody. Yeah. Solitude often times for me is times that I get in the word times that I might pray times that I might meditate. But sometimes it's just the act of being alone. Being by myself, Jesus often withdrew from the multitudes of people to go be alone with the father. And I'm like, I need more of that. And another thing that I learned, a little thing that I've learned a rhythm is I've made my phone a dumb phone and I read this. I did. So all the dings, all the dongs, all the alerts, except for phone calls, incoming phone calls, I can see. So the email alerts, the text alerts, the LinkedIn, the Facebook, the calendar, like all that stuff I manually went in and shut off.

(38:33): Yeah. Turned off all notifications,

(38:35): Turn off the notifications. Now I checked them throughout the day frequently when I want to. Exactly. I just got, it was like literally stressing me out all day long, man. It was like Pavlov's dog negative, very negative impact on me. Very stressful because my brain says, I need to respond to that immediate.

(39:00): So when you go back to, to that before 2019, was there a, I understand the whole hustle and everything you're doing, but was there also like the scarcity mindset of, I mean, if I don't work, it's not going to get done. Columbus won't grow without me. It's all on me. No, God. And then did, after that, and I know say fast forward to today, is it more an abundance mentality? And you're like, Hey, I'm going to do my heart. I'm going to work hard. I'm going to get my stuff done. I'm going to look at my lead indicators, but God's got this where before the 2019, it was more of you. And now it's more God. I mean, is there a legit feeling of a mindset shift that you have for

(39:43): Sure. And, and the, the weird thing is I believed what I believed in 2019 is not how I was living. And I wonder how many of us have believed something, whether it's the Bible or my, these are my core values. Whether you're a believer or not, these are my, you believe these core values, but then when you're not living that the gap between your ideal self and your real self, the bigger that gets the bigger the stress. So I think a couple things happened. One, there

(40:17): Was a hypocrite hypocrite, totally.

(40:21): I was living a HIPAA Hippocratic life. And that's hard for me to say, because I believe in God, I believe in what he says, I believe the word. And here I was not living that way or, or not living that way in some aspects. So I think what's happened is that that gap has, has become smaller. And my belief now is what I'm living. I'm believing that if I take a Sabbath every week, that it's going to be fruitful and it is, I believe that if I exercise that God is going to take care of my work on the time that I'm gone, I believe if I need to take some solitude and some silence that God is going to take care of it. So to me, it comes all back to trust. I still work hard, but going back to the very beginning of this conversation, my love first is for God. My love second is for myself. If I can't take care of myself, then anything after me is not getting my, my

(41:30): Best. Yep. Out I believe. And then you start to see it. I mean that Proverbs as a man thinketh in his heart. So is he, and so it starting to actually live that out and believe it, man, Brian, this was, this was awesome. And I appreciate your transparency. And I'm confident that I believe, I believe it's going to bless many people because just a cool story. And it's great. What is the best way for people to get ahold of you

(41:58): Via email B Kaiser, K a I S E R like the roll Kaiser, roll B kaiser@villanova.com. And that's V as in Victor, E R, N as in Nancy, O V as in Victor, I s.com.

(42:15): Awesome. Brian, thank you so much for today and just sharing your story.

(42:21): It was a blessing for me as well, and, and I pray that it blesses your audience. Thank you for your time. Thank you.

(42:31): I want to thank you for listening to my podcast. When at home first, I am so grateful to hear from listeners like you, that this content has been helpful. So now I would love for you to pay it forward. I want to get this message in the hands of more listeners. We need leaders to be winning both at home and at work, especially during this time. So please take a minute to share this episode with somebody you think would find value in it, as well as rate and subscribe as a thank you, please visit my website @ corymcarlson.com to download a free resource that people are finding value in. Thank you very much.

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