Have a podcast in 30 days

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In this episode, you’ll discover… 

  • The first thing you need to let go of to be an effective leader at work and at home (2:55)
  • The “T Account” method for realigning your life when things spiral out of control (7:28)
  • A common misconception about winning at home that is preventing you from building the relationship you want with your family (and how to overcome it) (13:08)
  • A bedrock principle for prioritizing and focusing your activities in a way that supports your life goals (14:49)
  • A surprising sign that you may be following God’s will for your life (15:46)
  • How you can turn a medical emergency into an opportunity for personal development (20:26)

Are you crushing it at work but struggling at home? If you want to learn how to win at home, then go to https://CoryMCarlson.com and download your free copy of “10 Ways To Win At Home.”

Read Full Transcript

Welcome to the win at home first podcast. I'm your host, Corey Carlson. This podcast is where we talk about how successful business leaders win, not only at work, but also at home. On this podcast, we will go behind the scenes with great leaders to hear stories of how they win. Thank you for listening and on to today's episode.

Hello, this is Corey. I'm excited for you to hear this episode of Becky, who you hear about in a minute, but some of the highlights is she had a heart attack six years ago. And not only does she live each day since then with gratitude, but with intentionality and how we can all live our lives with intentionality as she is. So I'm excited to share some of the practices and rhythms that she uses in her own life. Also how she shows up to serve other people as opposed to being served.

(00:52): And that's a big deal when she works for a company like a paypal in Silicon Valley in that kind of rat race corporate world. She's showing up every day with that posture and things that we can learn from her as well. So I'm excited for you to hear this episode and onto today's episode. Thank you. Hello, scored Carlson. You're listening to the win at home first podcast. I'm excited to have Becky Palmer lo on the podcast today. It's interesting. We have similar paths in the standpoint, we both went to university of Missouri. We both lived in Denver, Colorado when she did accounting for Coors, but yet we didn't know each other. We bumped into each other in a conference, bam business on mission or business as mission in California. And just through that conversation realized we had some similarities and one invite her on the podcast today because she's got an incredible story and I think it would bring just light to all of us. And so Becky, thank you for being on the podcast today.

(01:55): Yeah. Thanks for the opportunity, Corey. Really appreciate it. You know, it's great to just again, have, have an opportunity to share our stories. Hopefully as you've said, you know, motivate others and touch other's lives.

(02:08): Awesome. Well, the dive in, what have you seen Becky in your own life, but also just leaders that you were surrounded by? What is that key trait that you believe they need to win at home and at work?

(02:20): Yeah. And it's a great question because there's so, so many times when you get into these scenarios where people ask like, Oh, what, what are the key traits of a leader? And there's so many different ways you can answer that question, but for me what I've found in people that I've most admired as leaders, as well as what's worked for me is first thinking. It's not about me. You know, that's, it's not the easiest thing to do because by nature we're wired to be a bit selfish. Right. But the reason that I say that is I've found that when I'm out there trying to serve my own personal interests or think I'm trying to just make it to that next rung on the corporate ladder or at home, I'm thinking like, you know, why doesn't my husband do this for me? I did that for him, you know, always wanting or expecting something for myself out of it.

(03:16): Then I'm finding that I'm really not aligned with what does God want very clearly you know, in the Bible and just even in the basic golden rule, right. Is teaching us that we are to love others first. And that it's not about me. And so really that translating that into what does that look like in practice? It's more about taking that servant leadership, right? Because if we are to be working towards being Christ-like and you think about, well, how did Christ lead? He really led by serving others. You know, he was washing other people's feet. He was doing these things that were not self-serving, but were really to help others. And so how I try to do that in the workplace is not think about, okay, what do I need to do for my next step in my career, but what can I do to help my employees be successful, which then makes our entire team successful or even in the home environment and the marriage, the Bible pretty clearly lays out as well. That it's really about putting your spouse first over your own needs. So, and you're reflecting upon those elements of how Jesus led has really helped me form my own leadership style, which is more the it's not about me and it's about serving others. And that's what I see as really being the first key ingredient to being a good leader and a successful leader.

(04:45): Yeah. I love that. And it's always fun asking that question because their response is always different and each time I'm like, man, I need to grow in this one particular area in this one, you, you hit me square between the eyes because sometimes as a, an achiever, I don't know how much in your grand three bait attention to, but number three, it's all about achieving, getting stuff done. What number are you by chance?

(05:07): So I'm primarily a nine peacemaker. Yes. and I find that when I'm striving to try to achieve something, that's like, I set this goal for myself. That's when it really feels like a struggle. Right. And you feel like you're hanging and it just feels like work. Whereas when I really turned something over to God and say, listen, it's not about me. It's about what is God's will, what is his goal for me? And I put that trust in him and surrender it to him. Things seem to fall into place. It doesn't mean that it's always easy, but even when it is tough, he's giving you that peace that he's got it and he's paving the way for you. And sometimes he's saying, just be patient, which again is another thing that's difficult for us humans, right? Is that patients but when are putting your trust in him and knowing that he's really paving the way before you, because you're following and you're obeying, you're being obedient to what he's asking you to do, that just gives you that sense of peace and confidence that it is going to all come together.

(06:13): That's good. You have a director at PayPal. I mean, so it's a big time job. Everyone knows the company named PayPal, and yet you've got a director role there you're in California, Silicon Valley. I mean, you're, you're kind of right there in that rat race. So how do you recalibrate how you check yourself? Like, Oh wait, wait, I'm striving too much. I'm more concerned about Becky today than I am about my direct reports. And so how do you kind of do that gut check for yourself?

(06:44): That's a great question. And as an accountant, I've come up with a method for this using, I don't know the counting at all, but we have this thing called T accounts. Last side of the equation, it's like the debits and on the right side or the credits, I of course don't do this perfectly. I would love to say that I do this every morning. That's my goal, but I don't do it. I don't get to it every morning. But it really is my goal to each day say, okay, God, what does Jesus want for my life today? Since I like WWJD it's what does Jesus want from my life today? The left-hand side of the T account. It's one of those things that God wants me to add or start doing or do more of. And then on the right-hand side of the TA counter, the equation is one of those things that God wants me to stop doing or do less of and having that introspective moment and sitting with God and thinking through that is really what helps me to kind of recalibrate.

(07:47): And I find that many times when I need to recalibrate is because I haven't been taking that intentional moment, whether it's at the beginning of the day or at lunchtime or the end of the day before you go into bed, right. I tried to do it in the morning to start that way, but I, I find the times when I most need to recalibrate as when I haven't been doing that with some regularity. But I usually write it up on a whiteboard or in my like main notes that I keep online so that I can easily reference back to it as well. It's not so much meant to be a checklist, sometimes are things that are more of an intention. Like, you know, maybe I'm, I'm feeling that God is leading me to find an opportunity to help someone today, but I'm not sure yet what that is, but and being intentional about focusing on that so that when the opportunity does come my way, then I recognize it and can act on it. So it's not so much intended to be a checklist and it's not necessarily that it changes from day to day,

(08:51): Right? I do a similar exercise start. It's much more simpler than I love the the T and the County. My wife is also an accountant. So she's going to love that example you've given. So on start stop, or, you know, kind of the, the, the deposits, the withdrawals, like what's an example of a deposit that you're finding, Hey, I need to make today. And then what is that kind of stop? Or that

(09:20): One thing that I struggle to be consistent with is like that daily Bible reading or devotion, right. Again that I do them, but not as regularly I consistently as I should. And so that's something that regularly starts to show up on my list of things that I need to know to deposit in my account more time with God's word. And so it different things that I've done to try to affect change. There are, could be things as simple as, Hey, let me open up the Bible app and see what today's verse of the day is. And just spend some time meditating on that verse, or if there's something that's going on going on in my life. But like, you know, I'm feeling like I'm really seeking maybe it's peace or patients or hope I'll do a Google search for Bible verses with that word, that key word and spend time to the Bible around that. So that's on the deposit side, on the withdrawal side you know, it may be that I I'm spending just too much time actually in extracurricular activities that while they are part of my passion, maybe supporting an organization, a non-profit organization doing something and maybe part of my passion, but now I've spread myself too thin. I have a hard time saying no to things

(10:52): And a peacemaker in you, right?

(10:54): Thinking like, Oh, this must be part of God's will for me, because it is helping or serving others in some way, but you can stretch yourself too thin. And so that's you know, one of the things that sometimes does show up, and maybe it's a little bit surprising for folks to show up on the, I need to withdraw from that other times, it's things like, you know, spend a little too much time watching TV at the end of the day and neighbor on that. Not that it's that excessive, but you know, you've worked a long day. We finally had dinner at 8:00 PM and you just want to sit down and just bed right then and do nothing else. But then also find that you know, in the spirit of winning at home, well, we're letting that Netflix just flip to the next episode, thinking, man, there was a cliffhanger there I really

(11:44): Want to know. And

(11:46): My husband and I look at each other and we're like, okay, just one more. But then that's taking away. It's really not time together. It's watching another episode or something on television. So

(11:58): The next day you're tired and maybe cranky and you guys want to hang out. No, and Holly and I are guilty of that as well, but I like it by your examples of the, the, the deposits and withdrawals is there, there are some that are daily examples. And so you're recalibrating the moment. And then there's also bigger ones. Like if you look at the greater landscape, been involved as it's time to withdrawal, so you can tell us in your examples, it is a, it's a daily check. And so I like that. It's good for all of us. One thing I enjoyed Becky is when I did invite you to be on the podcast and your email back to me was, I don't think I'm qualified because some days I'm not winning at home. And I just love that response. And when you gave me a response, I was like, actually, no, because of that response, you exactly are to be a guest on here because it's, none of us are winning. Heck my, even myself, I'm sure you'd ask my kids and my wife there's some days I am for sure not winning home. So just having that humility to know that, you know, none of us have arrived at it. And so I think for some of those listeners just to understand this is all a growing process, whether it's me, the host, or it's even these guests who I looked up to that they themselves are growing. So thank you for your transparency on that. That was great.

(13:18): Yeah, no, absolutely. And my, my other initial reaction at your invite was like, wow, when is it ever been more relevant to focus on winning at home first, right? When facts of our life are now happening at home, their work life, all aspects, pretty much of your personal life. Because if you do have a close group of people who you've decided, okay, we're going to all kind of quarantine together or be with some friends type of thing, that's all happening in the home environment. And I think in our society, our American society, we really have learned to compartmentalize life and we say, okay, I'm going to keep my work life and my home life separate. And this concept of work-life balance, which actually is something that I don't fully believe in to be honest, but I don't know that you're ever going to strike a great balance.

(14:09): I mean, you're never going to spend an equal amount of time if you're in a professional role working as you do with your family, unless you don't sleep and healthy. Right. and so balance, I don't know is really the right way to approach it. And I'll get back to some of that transparency here in a moment, but it's well, what is God's will for what I should be pursuing and how I should be spending my time and prioritizing my resources. And if we're focused on that, then we're really living our best life because God knows what's better for me than I certainly do. I'll give you an example of, I was at a work rich or a faith and work retreat and Silicon Valley last year. And during this retreat, we were kind of doing an exercise and I was asking the Holy spirit to guide me on how to get better control of my calendar at work.

(15:06): I'll be like double, triple booked and, you know, just managing the calendar itself. And it was interesting that when I heard the Holy spirit say back to me was that's actually not God's goal for me specifically to reduce the number of meetings that I have in a given Workday, because every meeting, every conversation, every interaction I'm having with other people is an opportunity for him to speak love and light to others through me, like, wow, you know, here I am thinking, you know, and this is how I knew it was really his will and not my well, because it wasn't what I wanted. I'm like, I just want to be less busy. I want more time to just chill and relax. And so kind of bringing that back to this concept of, well, am I even winning at home? Am I qualified for this?

(15:57): So when you ask that, you know, or when you invited me and I kind of took that step back and thought, well, let me reflect on this a little bit. You know, am I really winning at home first? And I thought, you know, when's the last time I have done my T accounts. When's the last time that my husband and I truly sat down and had an in-depth conversation about you at the beginning of the year, we kind of do our goal setting. And there's a section of that goal setting. That's yeah, there's the finances and there's the career and there's the faith and family section as well. Right. But when's the last time we had an in-depth conversation about the faith aspects and how that integrates in every aspect of our life. It's, it's actually been a little while and you would think we're stuck at home together.

(16:47): We shouldn't be doing more of that. Or we were blessed to purchase a second home here in Scottsdale Arizona, where I physically am at the moment and through all just the craziness of that you know, home purchase and then renovations and whatnot. And, you know, it had been probably six weeks since we had actually watched our church service together and then about, Hey, you know, what did we hear in the service today and how we want to, how should we apply that to our lives this week? So that was another great opportunity to recalibrate and probably God kind of specifically, you know, putting on your heart to reach out to me and give me a little bit of that wake up call.

(17:31): That's great. And it neat that you took action. I mean, cause you're right with two demanding jobs between you and your husband and then the second home, it just busy. And before we know it, if we don't recalibrate, it could be six weeks turns into six months could turn into six years where it's just, we have not done anything. And it's just good to know that we can just quickly adjust. And I just, I love that how to bring love and light to others. In the standpoint of a lot of times, we kind of do think our life should be comfy or our schedule should be kind of light and easy so we can have time to have our downtime. And I love how that relationship with God is both one of invitation and challenges as Jesus talks about, Hey, come follow me, but then it's go and make disciples. And so for you, what you're hearing is no, you know, come do life with me, but it's going to be busy. Let's go after it. So

(18:30): Hello, this is Corey Carlson. Thank you very much for listening to this podcast. I greatly appreciate it. If things that we're saying or you're hearing what the guests are talking about and you want to see how it can apply to your life and you want to dive deeper into the content. And I invite you to visit my website at Cory M Carlson, to learn more about my coaching program, what I'm doing for clients like you and how it can help you start winning boat at home and at work and living in life to the full. So thank you very much for listening and back to today's episode. Thank you

(19:06): Story. I'll talk about, and I like to just ask that question is that point where you hadn't had the handlebar story for a greater story where God calls us into something different, the promise that God will use all things for good, even though it may not feel at the time and, you know, knowing some of your story, which is, is fascinating, whether it's, you know, watching the talk that you did at the passion's conference, as in 2014, after already being a collegiate athlete and assuming your health was on a trajectory of, of all good, 2014, you had a heart attack and it's completely changed the trajectory of your life from the standpoint. And now you're involved in the SCA D for you know, heart disease and just your involvement and you speak against it. But it also has you probably evaluate life significantly different than you did before 2014. And so like to just hear from you on what's that shaped your life like since then.

(20:07): And so that's one of those opportunities in life where they said it doesn't always feel like it at the time, right. But where God clearly intervene and kind of gave both my husband and I wake up call. So are you really living life for me? What God has really led me to kind of describe a little bit more about it here in just a moment, but is from living life with God, to living life for God. So I've been a believer, a Christian, since I can remember you baptized as a baby, went to church every Sunday with my family growing up. I continued that throughout my life. And so I've always prayed to God and usually more for the big things, like, please help this to happen, but not that to happen or help this person, but, you know, kind of in the big things.

(20:59): And it wasn't really surrendering my life to God was biasing my will for his will. And I would say I wasn't before. So yeah, it was maybe a, a good Christian on Sundays. And you know, by worldly standards, maybe leading an ethical life right throughout the week was I really actively pursuing God in his will. I would say, no, I wasn't before that. And so, as you mentioned, it was in November, December, 2014, where I suffered a series of heart attacks from spontaneous coronary artery dissection. So the first word in that SCAD acronym that you mentioned is spontaneous, right? Which means that there is no way to identify that you have any form of pre-existing would indicate that this is about to happen. I could have a number of heart tests on the day before, and it would have looked like I was this perfectly healthy, 34 year old at the time.

(22:00): And my husband and I were on a ski trip in Breckenridge, Colorado celebrating our five-year wedding anniversary at the time. And thankfully my parents were also there from Missouri with us. And so I had a heart attack on black Friday, right after Thanksgiving. That's what was happening, check some aspirin. Two days later, I woke up from sleep with the exact same symptoms. And rather than, you know, waking up my husband or immediately taking aspirin, I went into the bathroom and I shut the door and sat down on the edge of the bathtub. And I thought, I want to see if my body will just, cause I've got this strong, healthy body, like you said, I ran for the university of Missouri college. I want to see if this just goes away on its own. So it goes away on its own. And it's probably no big deal.

(22:46): Well, I'm not sure how long I was in the bathroom. When my husband figured out I didn't come back to bed. And it did take him two hours when he eventually convinced me to go to the emergency room. And so long story short I ended up during an angiogram where they take images of your, your arteries to look for a blockage kind of all hell broke loose. And I was life-flighted to another hospital. I wake up in another hospital days later, learning that I need a heart transplant thing that we would have ever thought of or plan for. I mean, I'm one of those people who always thought, why do I pay all this money into health insurance? I never use it.

(23:25): Yeah. Thankfully I was in the hospital

(23:30): For like 30 days. And during that time, you know, just, it was, it was absolutely my faith that helped me study through that whole experience because God just gave me the peace and knowing that like I got this or I'm going deliver that new heart for you in the right timing. You don't worry. Like, you know, if, if this was your time, it would have happened already.

(23:55): Right? So I was Blessed to only two weeks later, which is relatively quick
Two months. It's supposed to be two months or longer potentially, which I'm sure that I haven't had that long to live external machine functioning as my heart. And so two weeks later was blessed with a heart from at the time, a 13 year old, you know? And so when, when you've had that type of experience where not only just got stopped you in your tracks, but also, you know, that you're only alive today because a 13 year old girl isn't, you know, that that's pretty sobering and that really gives you that sense of, I consider it a joyous obligation, but an obligation to really use life as a gift. And it's so easy to just get caught up in the day to day of work and just going, I don't want to say going through the motions, but just the routine, right? You got, you got your routines, especially around work. And even at home, you got your routines and you're just going through the routines and you're not really taking that step back and say, you know, am I still on the path that God wants me to be?

(25:02): Yeah. Well, thanks for sharing that story. And it's a, it's pretty darn powerful. And I've watched the video on YouTube and I've read about you before, but it's still here. And it just, you know, fresh from you is, is pretty incredible. So knowing that, well, I can't relate to the heart attack and let's, I just hope I don't ever have to, but also just even hearing you talk a little bit, that there's days, just like we all kind of forget what's happened. Like we do the standpoint of he gets sick for two weeks, like, well, you know, I'm going to start being healthy. Now I'm gonna start doing all these things. I'm gonna start reading the Bible every day. I'm gonna start doing so even for yourself, as you explain it, there's those moments where you're like, I'm super grateful and I'm going forward and there's other days we forget about it. And I love that thing you talked about earlier about doing the will of God. And so how are you going about saying, all right today, I gotta make sure I'm doing the will of God. And you talked about the four and the with God. And I think that'd be great for us to hear about,

(26:08): Well, that comes back to, we touched on earlier with that intentionally setting, the, what does Jesus want for my life today? It also starts that before I do that, I also start with a prayer of surrender. You know, I've kind of got, I've worked with a kingdom coach in the past. And so, you know, some days I kind of go through like this full set of you know surrender prayer that I learned from him some days it's something shorter and more simple of just God, I surrender this day to you. You know, may I, I pursue your will and may the Holy spirit give me the wisdom to discern your will and the courage to obey it because there's really two pieces to that, right? One is to discern what is God's will of which there's a lot of elements.

(26:58): I mean, you just simply take the 10 commandments of the Bible or the golden rule, right. That tells you a lot. That's probably good to 80% of the way there. Right. That's the other 20% that's maybe what about in this specific scenario, right? There's the discerning of what is God's will, which I do believe that a lot of that can be revealed relatively straightforward through the Bible. The other 20% is really spending some time listening and trying to differentiate between like, is that just what I want? Or is that what God wants? And from the times I know it's what God wants when I'm kind kinda hearing that still small voice in your head. That's telling me something, that's the opposite of what I want. So that's one piece of it. The second piece though, is actually being obedient to it. And sometimes that can actually be the hardest part because it's so easy to think, you know, God, I just don't have the energy for that today. I don't think I can do that. Or as an introvert, like a really hard conversation.

(28:02): Yeah. I think I'm going to do it tomorrow. Okay.

(28:04): Yeah, exactly. Let me, let me put that off. Cause I need to plan that out better. I need more time to plan for it or that before I approach it. And post-transplant one of the things that God put on my heart was starting interfaith employee resource group, that PayPal, we had a, at the time, a senior vice president general counsel who had come from Amex where they'd had faith-based employee resource groups for like 20 plus years. And she was like, wow, why do we not have these at PayPal? And so she was able to really help champion the executive level. And then I led us to getting those creative, which has started a year ago, but how I knew that this was something God was really putting on my heart was through my connection with her and her asking like, Hey, have you ever thought about doing something like this? Then the kingdom coach that I was working with who that's not per se work-related thing. He also kind of out of the blue, brought it up to me and it was like, okay, God clearly you've put multiple people in my life. Also, by the way, if you're head of legal is wanting to start this, that breaks down a whole bunch of potential barriers

(29:20): And excuses, right? They'll say no to it. They'll say, you know, we're a big company, they'll say no to it, but when you've got legal counsel saying, let's go for it all the excuses. Oh, that is so cool. Yeah.

(29:34): So I just bring that up as an example of where there's different ways that God can communicate his will to you sometimes it's, you know, you're reading verses in the Bible and the Holy spirit kind of speaks to you other times. It's just the people that he puts in opening the doors for you. And it just becomes really clear. And then, you know, again, just, there were other specifically with this example, there were other people in leadership roles at PayPal who really, again, help pave the way. And it was just so clear that God was saying, I want this to happen. And I'm asking you to, I want to use you to move the ball forward on this and have it happen. And so it was just a real blessing to get to be God's vessel in this type of endeavor. And it still took a full year to get there.

(30:24): It wasn't like overnight even with that. But as I said, it's all about taking that first kind of small step out in faith and then taking another step and another step, it doesn't have to happen fast. It doesn't have to be all of a sudden, you know, you're on the road to Damascus and God blinds you and not to be one of those. Right. it can be something that has a moderated pace to it. All throughout the course of that year, God just kept opening the next door and opening the next door and then I just stepped through it and I'm stepped through it. So that's one of the things that I would advise folks is usually when God's asking you to do something, it's going to be something that's going to take some time sometimes, you know, a quick thing. But if it's something big, it's going to take some time and he's asking you to stick with it and hang in there and trust him.

(31:17): Yeah. And I like how you made the comment about the step at a time. We'll, we'll talk about where, you know, David has had a light upon his feet. He doesn't have the full on beacon light of what's way ahead. And you know, a mentor. Talk to me about that. That if he did, we would not be depending on God, but instead if it's just a step at a time, we've got to be dependent on God. Otherwise we, we take the map and we, we do it on our own. And so man, just, it's just so neat that you even still having some of those people speak in your life, you still have the boldness to push forward. So well done to get that done. That's very cool. How can listeners get ahold of you, whether it's what you've done inside PayPal, whether it has to do with you know, kind of heart and that story, what's the best way for them to get ahold of you?

(32:10): I'd say reach out to me on LinkedIn, probably the easiest way to get ahold of me. And then of course I can take it from there and share other contact information, but yeah. Personal message me on LinkedIn.

(32:22): That's awesome. Well, thank you very, very much for being on the podcast today, Becky, I appreciate it.

(32:28): It's been a blessing. Thank you for,

(32:31): I want to thank you for listening to my podcast. When at home first, I am so grateful to hear from listeners like you, that this has been helpful.

(32:40): So now I would love for you to pay it forward. I want to get this message in the hands of more listeners. We need leaders to be winning both at home and at work, especially during this time. So please take a minute to share this episode with somebody you think would find value in it, as well as rate and subscribe as a thank you, please visit my website@coriumcarlson.com to download a free resource that people are finding value in. Thank you very much.

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