Have a podcast in 30 days

Without headaches or hassles

In this episode, you’ll learn…

  • How your fear ravages your home life and cripple your relationships (4:23)
  • Simple ways to refocus and recharge without neglecting your work or family (9:37)
  • The single biggest mistake fathers make when connecting with their kids (10:32)
  • Creating an indestructible relationship with your kids in 5 minutes or less (13:22)
  • The absolute best way to spend time with your kids and set them for success at the same time (16:55)
  • Why celebrating your biggest wins is a surefire way to be disappointed (21:17)
  • The counterintuitive reason success becomes less fulfilling as you become more successful (22:35)
  • The case for celebrating crises (33:15)

To connect with Ben Beshear and learn how he can provide clarity to your financial future, head over to http://www.livewellcapital.com/.

Are you crushing it at work but struggling at home? If you want to learn how to win at home, then go to https://CoryMCarlson.com and download your free copy of “10 Ways To Win At Home.”

Read Full Transcript

Welcome to the win at home first podcast. I'm your host, Corey Carlson. This podcast is where we talk about how successful business leaders win, not only at work, but also at home. On this podcast, we will go behind the scenes with great leaders to hear stories of how they win. Thank you for listening and on to today's episode.

Hello, Corey Carlson here. I'm excited to bring you this episode where I interview a good friend. He's also a client and a very successful wealth manager. His name is Ben Beshear. I've always enjoyed his perspectives. So I want to bring him to all of you. And today we learned some neat things about how to be where you're at, how life is cumulative, how to get more energy, how to not stay in a font. But what I really liked is this idea that over these last few months, we have been given permission and how this is also the best time to make life change.

(00:57): And how now is a time for an it's a lot of good stuff in this episode, and here we go. Hope you enjoy. Thank you. Hello. Welcome to the winter home first podcast. I'm Corey Carlson and I'm joined by a good friend of mine, Ben Bashir. He was the first client and got to know him and then over the last few years, and really just enjoyed his perspective on a lot of different things from business and life. And so I was excited to have him on as a guest. Ben is been with Northwestern mutual since 1999, and most recently was a cofounder of LivWell capital. He's married, has two kids, had a very successful career from being 40, under 40 in Cincinnati plus he was 40, under 40 nationally for financial planning society. So he's just done a great job at all different levels, as well as on the school board for the Cincinnati Hills Christian Academy. And so it's just fun to have you on Ben. Thank you very much for the friendship. Thank you for being a client and really just thank you for today. I think your perspective will be awesome to share with the listeners

(02:04): Corey. Thanks for having me.

(02:05): Yeah, that's awesome. So I kind of gave an overview of really what you have done and where you're at. If there's anything you'd like to fill in the blanks. I'd love to just hear that from you.

(02:16): Yes. As you said, I'm affiliated with Northwestern mutual, but we have a brand within Northwestern mutual called LivWell capital that just launched on Wednesday. So we are two days old, but we have a firm that's really 20 years old that just got rebranded this week and live well, capital is all about not only people getting the most out of their money, but getting the most out of their life. And so we want to be financial advisors that care we're about you than just your money. So that's the thought on the name change and the branding. And we are super excited to go to market and serve clients with that name.

(02:53): That's awesome. And it probably takes a risk. I mean, it's a risk to step out and be bold as to stay within the umbrella. Why did you decide to take the risk now and do it?

(03:05): I think we decided to take the risk now because I think anytime you go through a period of time, like we've just gone through, I think it gets you focused on what's important. And I think so many people in our industry are all about the dollars and cents and I think that's great. I mean, I think that's part of our job as financial advisors to care about money to make sure investments are well set up. But I think we've been through a season where everybody is recalibrating what's important in their life. And we want to lead with the things in life that matter more than money, that transcend money. So it was a great time to rebrand and kind of tell the public what we're about.

(03:42): That's awesome. Well, congrats. It's exciting to also get to have this podcast when LivWell is being launched. So pretty neat. So as you've built your career, a lot of success, as I mentioned at the beginning, how did you manage to lead the team as well as leading at home?

(03:58): I think it's a, as we all know, I think it's a struggle because it seems like it's hard to keep all the plates spinning at the same time. We're not dropping one of them. And so one of my weaknesses is I get motivated by fear. So fear of failing. And one of the things that I think is difficult at home is I think when you, when you own a business, it's hard to put the phone away. It's hard to put the phone away and you have this fear that if I don't answer this call, if I don't do this, that the business is going to fall apart and I'm going to fail. And that's obviously an unconscious feeling that kind of leads to behavior. And so one of the things I've tried to do as much as I can to win at home and win at work is to just know that feeling is not real right.

(04:52): If I missed calling somebody back the night, the business is not gonna fall apart. And so one of the things I've tried to do as much as I can, and I think I failed at it. 50% of the time is to try to be present wherever I am. Right? If I'm with a client, I'm all about the conversation I'm having with them. If I'm with a team member, I'm all about the conversation I'm having with them. If I'm playing with my son or daughter, I'm all about the conversation or the game we're playing. And so it sounds simple, but it's complicated. I think. Yep. We aren't where our feet are and we're somewhere else. I think everybody around you can feel it, notice it and you might as well, not even be there in the first place. So my number one way to try to win at home is when I'm home. And I think that can be a, that can be a struggle when you own, when you own a business and you have other commitments, but I could give advice. It would be, be where you are.

(05:44): I love that. And that idea of, you know, being present, I think sometimes if we can physically be present, but mentally we're thinking about other things. And I noticed in my own life, if you know things aren't going well at home, even though I'm on that call with that client or that prospect, I'm still thinking about some of those different pieces. And so it's hard as you mentioned, if you can lead well at home, as well as lead well at the office, you don't have that extra kind of baggage, you know, kind of dragging you around. How have you done it? Like as an advisor, you know, when the market's difficult and you just have this heaviness of when work isn't going well, know whether it's been because of the quarantine and coven, the market volatility that you've had to lead the families that you are managing their money for. How have you, how have you done that? How have you been able to navigate that as well as not bringing that stress into home?

(06:42): Yeah. I think life is cumulative. So it's hard when things are going well at work or things are going well at home or things are going bad at work or things are going bad at home. It's impossible for them not to touch each other. Life is cumulative, even if you're good at compartmentalizing, you can't compartmentalize that much. And so, you know, March of this year is a great example. The markets were down 33% and roughly 30 days. And it was a stressful time, right? I mean, if you're meeting with clients and I think the hardest part for me as being an advisor as you're going through the stress too, but you have to lead well through that stress. So clients are calling you to be the voice of reason and yeah, the right thing to do when the markets are falling apart is the sit tight, get perspective on the long run, get perspective on what matters. [inaudible] Do things that you can do to be opportunistic, but really to ride it out. And so I think what I try to do is focus on what I can control

(07:43): And ultimately there's times when the markets fall and there's times when things are out of your control, that I think all you can do as a leader, as a husband, as a father, as an advisor is control what you can control. And ultimately beyond that, it's up to God. And I think having that perspective on a healthy day, I think I have that perspective and I come home and I say, I've done everything I can do. And I can, I can totally disconnect from work on an unhealthy day. I'm probably pouring myself a bourbon to kind of escape, right? So if we're getting, if we're being honest about what happens, I think ultimately I think we have to control. We can control. We have to, we have to lead excellently. We have to do everything we can in our power, but ultimately we have to lean into the fact that God's in control at the end.

(08:35): It's awesome. Working with a lot of different, I mean, just leaders now, and business is not going as well as they would like it. And you know, I know for me, even myself, I've had the volatility these last few months because my revenue had got to the point where a lot of it was coming from public speaking and that went away obviously. How are you recalibrating from when you're unhealthy? Cause I think that's something a lot of leaders I talk with is we can stay on that phone for a long time. I just had a conversation with the business owner the other day where he just can't seem to get over that hump over being in, in the font and wondering what's next. And so I understand the poor and the bourbon for sure, but what are you doing to, to recalibrate? I mean, is it, is it quiet time? Is it I, you know, friends or what are you doing that says, all right, I hit rock bottom this day or this week and I'm going to start recalibrating. So you don't stay in that funk.

(09:37): You know, our, our pastor crossroads, Brian tome talks about the fact that rest prepares us for work. We're not resting for the sake of resting. We're resting for the sake of fulfilling our purpose and rest prepares us for work. And so for me, it's pretty simple. If I get some quiet time in, in the morning, that's helpful. And then you just look for ways. In my mind, you look for ways to be active. I happen to have a career where I'm on the phone a lot, especially during COVID where meetings aren't live. If I don't have a video conference and it just happens to be a phone call, that's not technical. If it's a one hour call, I might take a walk while I'm on the call, I might be able to walk two or three hours. And you, you realize you get outside your recharge.

(10:20): You're not sitting on your butt while you're on that call. And so I just looked for look simple ways to make the most of the day. I tried to do something fun with each kid each day. I think sometimes is fathers. We try to make parenting too complicated. Like if you can do one thing fun per day with each kid, that's probably a win. It doesn't have to be complicated. When Logan woke up this morning, we shot 50 baskets. We shoot 50 baskets every day before he starts his day. And I rebound for him. I want to say, shoot, he's got to make 50. So the better he gets, the shorter it is. But our deal is you gotta to make 50 baskets each morning before you can get on your Xbox we're we're great parents, right? So it's, but that's something simple we can do together every morning.

(11:09): Campbell and I took a one mile walk. We walked the dog this morning with my wife Lindsey. And so I think it's looking for something fun, simple you can do with each kid each day, it could be five or 10 minutes. It's not huge. And then I look for ways to stay plugged in with, with my friends. I think for me, friendship is a way to recharge whether it's a, a men's group, whether it's hanging out with a neighbor, I think just looking at ways to recharge and really looking at ways to recharge with, with people that are, that are healthy, that, that energize you.

(11:42): I love those examples with your kids and I, how long does it take to shoot 50, 50 baskets?

(11:48): If he's on his a game five minutes, if he's not on his a game 10. Yeah, that's incredible. It's something simple that in, so trying to figure out some simple rhythms as a family like Lindsay and I were talking about the fact that we're frustrated in the fact that our son gets up every day and just, it starts, he will send him to start playing video games before we're even awake. You know, even though he's not allowed to, so trying to create something simple where he needs to work on basketball, if he's going to make the team next year. So that's a win too. I want to spend more time with them and do something fun with them every day and three, what we want to keep them off the Xbox and for, we want to teach them how to work harder than he's working and do something productive before he's on video games.

(12:34): And so you try to think of like simple things you can do that are a win and a bunch of different categories. And it's been a fun thing during quarantine. I normally am gone at 6:00 AM and I'm into the office early, but it's been a fun thing during quarantine where I know like we're going to shoot baskets every morning and you know, we'll work on slump and slightly different each morning, maybe it's dribbling. Maybe it was maybe it's layups, maybe it's whatever, but he's got to put the ball in the hoop 50 times. So that's been a wind have been a small wind for us.

(13:04): I think that's incredible. I mean, I'd say, you know, I'm someone who champions winter home first a lot. Right. I, you know, I was sitting in the podcast and wrote a book about it, but even myself, I can, I mean, that's a great reminder to me because sometimes I, and I know other leaders are the same way where we think engagement with a kid has to be all afternoon. Like we, I need to go do this, but the five minutes here and there is incredible. I bet just that little time you've noticed probably a significant difference. It's only five minutes a day. We talk about compound interest that it's probably had a significant change in like Logan's feeling as your relationship, even his own kind of identity and feeling of value.

(13:47): Yeah, we've done it 80 days in a row. I think we miss one or two when I was out of town, but he's done it 80 days in a row. He's made 4,000 baskets in that, in that time. And it's not complicated. I mean, I think what, what I try to do too often in life is create some crazy shit I could never follow through on right. Create. I don't know if we can swear on your podcast.

(14:13): Hey, we just did. That's great.

(14:16): You try to be super dad and say, I'm going to do nine hours and we're going to hike mountains together. And we're going to do all this stuff that you don't follow through on, in some ways just creating simple rhythms. And I'm not saying that the goal is, but that's the only five or 10 minutes that you're talking to your kiddos each, each day. I'm just saying some simple rhythms where you, yeah, one little win where you do something fun with them. Whether it's playing connect four or it's doing something else, I'm not the kind of dad that lets my kids win by the way I, you know, because I'm an Enneagram three, I need that wind for me. Cause I, you, I have a hole in my heart apparently, but yeah, on every day is, is if I had an idea for parents, something fun every day with each kid has been a big win for us.

(15:01): That's awesome. I'm, I'm taking that myself and I need to do some of my three kids. That's awesome.

(15:08): Campbell sells these bracelets, these rubber band bracelets for $2 each. So yesterday our fun thing was I made 10 bracelets for it or workstation. So but I'm never employed. So as a six year old daughter is employing her father.

(15:24): That is awesome. That is very neat. Is she paying you?

(15:28): No, I'm unpaid labor. So I'm gonna, I'm going to turn her into the labor department.

(15:33): Yeah, there you go. It is fun. Pulling our kids into either our own work or including them in something, a new thing that I've been doing with Camden, who is immuno Camden, but for the listeners, she is my 12 year old daughter and she's loving digital art and Mmm, this summer we've been talking to our kids a lot, especially since COVID is, Hey, how can it be more of a producer than just a consumer instead of just consuming all this technology, what can you do to produce something and have fun with it? And that's been really cool. And with Camden, as you talk about what you've done with a logo or Campbell is I said, Hey, I'll pay you to make digital art. If you want to, for some social media postings I want to do, and we've had a blast, she jumped all over it. This idea of you want to be, you know, are you a microscope or telescope was one of them that some people got some, you know, good feedback out of and talking about trees, comparing the, the tree verse, the roots that looking at people who were successful. So a lot of fun with it. So I think that's cool. So I think that's a good takeaway.

(16:41): I mean, I, what we've told our kids, they've not followed through on it. It sounds like you've done a better job than we have. If you're going to be on your devices, do something productive on them. You know, you should have people watching you rather than the other way around. And so what we've, you know, we've started this bracelet business with Campbell 15, she says, she's going to get 50% of profits away. So she wants to give it to an animal shelter or something, something like that. So that's her charity, but trying to get kids to start businesses early, it teaches them so much about cost, the good soul profit, how to work hard there like a million little lessons that they learned from, from having to do stuff like that. And so in a perfect world, you'd have, you'd have each kid start one micro business each year and you kind of figure out what works. And so ours are only 10 and six, but I think one money lesson could be teaching them how to be entrepreneurs young then. And that's, that's something we'd love to do more of.

(17:37): Yeah, I need to as well, like Kylie, our oldest just turned 16 and she's babysitting and doing a great job. And you know, we talk about saving, spending and tithing the different percentages of what to do, and she's doing a great job with that. But I think there's even some deeper layers that we can go to.

(17:56): Yeah, absolutely entrepreneurial mindset.

(17:58): So that's cool. That's good stuff. Shifting a little bit just to work, you know, when you started Northwestern mutual, obviously you were a producer and I'm a one man band, if you will. I mean, obviously you had a team around you, but now as you fast forward to live well capital where you're at roughly, you know, 20 years later, I believe it's 18 people on your team. So it's pretty darn awesome. I mean that, that's a rocket launch and a lot of success and kind of looking back and even to other to the listeners here, are there things that you are doing now in your life, whether it's as an advisor, as a leader, as a father husband, that man, you wish you would've started sooner. Like there's just those rhythms, it's a mindset that you just wish you would have started sooner.

(18:43): You know, I think there's this myth that when you get your business to a certain level, things are going to get easy. And so because of that, I've been constantly disappointed. I keep waiting for the time when it's going to be easy. And I think you think, well, if I just got the business at this point, all my stress would be gone at that point. Right? I think the reality is we're 18 team members strong. Now I have four other partners. We oversee about $550 million in assets for clients and charities. And I think it's more stressful now than it was any years ago or five years ago or two years ago or one month ago. I think the reality is as you grow, I think there's this fallacy, as I was saying earlier, that at this magical point I will just exist and all of great opportunities will come to me and I will just sit on a cloud and life will be easy and that's not the way business works.

(19:47): It's not the way life works. And so I think if I had had probably a healthier perspective earlier, it would be how to find moments that make work fun, which I think we do a decent job at and having the perspective that there's not going to be some moment in time where I've arrived at mrs. Easy. You're always going to have challenges of running and growing your business, the challenges evolve over time. Hopefully the challenges get bigger, deeper and more meaningful. But ultimately I think I didn't have a view of the fact that this is a marathon, not a sprint. And so keeping that long term view on what you're building, what's your purpose, what's your meaning? What does the longterm look like? What is the deeper fulfillment that you're going to create for clients and team members? I think too often, I was short term focused and kind of waiting for things to get easier rather than understanding that when you're a business owner, it's a marathon and it's all about having vision for the future. Proverbs say, it says without vision, the people will perish and there's kind of multiple contexts for that verse. But I think it's really true. I think if you don't know where you're going, you're not going to lead well. And too often I was focused on next week or next month or next quarter or cash flow rather than having the perspective and the healthiness to focus on the real longterm and business.

(21:15): Yeah, that's really cool. I heard this kind of metaphor the other day of you like the chef that enjoys the process or just the, the diner who just enjoys the, the end prize, the food. And I just loved that idea because I think so often we just are looking just for just the celebration part. It's the end. When I get to this level, when I get to the end of the race and everything, you just said, it, it's enjoying the process and that's the fun if we make it. But if we are always so busy looking at what's next and looking at the bottom line and how many meetings I have next month, but it's more from that striving that ambition to get to that next level. We lose sight of the fun of the process.

(21:57): And I think there's such a balance on having gratitude. I mean, I think the reality is because our goals move as success happens, we tend to move our targets of what we define as success. And there's something healthy about that in the, I think having work ethic, having ambition is healthy. I think somewhere Christians were taught that that's not healthy. I think it is healthy, but it's healthy within context. And so I think there's a fine line between, I think we need to stop and have gratitude for where our businesses are, what we've accomplished, where we've landed. And I think the reality is most of us, if we could have looked four or five or 10 years on where our businesses ended up, we would have had extreme gratitude looking forward. But a lot of times once you accomplish something, you just move on to the next thing, without thinking God, without smelling the roses without having gratitude. And I think there's a balance between enjoying the process, having gratitude, but also having goals that ultimately propel the company forward. And I think that

(23:06): It's hard to have, I think people tend to be on one side or the other. Oh, that's good. That's awesome. I want to thank you for listening to my podcast. When at home first, I am so grateful to hear from listeners like you, that this content has been helpful. So now I would love for you to pay it forward. I want to get this message in the hands of more listeners. We need leaders to be winning both at home and at work, especially during this time. So please take a minute to share this episode with somebody you think would find value in it, as well as rate and subscribe as a thank you, please visit my website@corymcarlson to download a free Resource that people are finding value in. Thank you very much as an advisor. Are there things that you, you see often that maybe the rest of us just don't know they're happening? Whether it's in family, whether it's obviously in the finances or just the dynamics, they're just almost to all of us as listeners as is there something you just wish you could say?

I wish everyone knew this. I see this all the time. There was one time. You and I are one of our coaching sessions. You made this comment that I don't remember the exact numbers. You said by love it, where it's Hey. As an advisor, I have seen 53 divorces. I have seen 65 succession plans by companies. I've seen 25 deaths or, you know, whatever the numbers are. I just love it. Could you you've taken everything that you've seen in your 20 years and pulled it together and just giving you basically a collective wisdom of what has taken place. So what are the, some of the things as an advisor that you would share that would surprise some of us?

(24:46): Yeah. I, I, got that idea from another advisor, James Lennon, who I think has probably been on your podcast already, or if he hasn't, he should be, I hate to give a plug for another advisor. [inaudible] Capital, other than if you're, if you like James went off. Cause I like him too. He's a good dude. I got that idea from, from James and the fact that like for most people, you're, you're only going to get to retire one time, or you're only going to get the, watch each kid go away to college one time, or you're only gonna, I guess you, everybody can only die one time. And so as a financial advisor, because we have the collective experience with all of these clients, whatever, you only get the experience. One time I get to experience hundreds of times and I know how to do it.

(25:39): Well, I know how to do it poorly. I know what's worked what hasn't worked with, what people's regrets are looking back. And so I think when you're hiring an advisor, what you're paying for more than the selection of stocks, bonds, or mutual funds is you're paying for the perspective of the fact that we've gotten to live this life. A bunch of times, James calls it Groundhog's day. So we've gotten to play this thing out, ultimately hopefully until we can help you live the perfect day. One of the things I love about my career is just the perspective you get. I had two years ago, I was at the end of the day and the three meetings I had had that day, I met with a pastor that was meeting one second meeting was I met with a lady that is the trustee four cats.

(26:32): So there was a, there was one of my clients left all of her money to cash. So I don't know that that's where you should leave your money to live well, we'll, we'll help you figure out better place in that, but she loves her cats. So I manage money for cats that was meeting too. The cats are doing well by the way. And then meeting three was with the CEO. And I think it's so fun to just get that day. That day is probably an extreme, it's usually not faster than cats and CEO, right? You get perspective from a variety of people what's going on. And I think when I look at the perspective I have from hanging out with clients for the last 20 years, it's that money conversations tend to lead to other conversations. Cause money touches a lot of different things in life.

(27:20): And I've gotten to learn from clients how to live well and how to not live well. And ultimately I think the number one thing I've learned is whatever it is we're worried about today, whether it's business or cashflow or our paycheck is not the thing we're going to be worried about 30 years from now, nobody gets to 65, 70, 75 and says, I wish I'd spent more time at work. I wish I'd seen more time on my business. Usually it's the, we didn't invest enough in the relationships around us. And so I think what I'm learning is I have clients between 25 and 85. And I think hopefully when I'm with the 25 year old, from having talked to the 85 year old, I can help them avoid stepping in some of the potholes, the 75 or 85 or 65 year old stepped in that wished they hadn't.

(28:17): And I think ultimately we can all learn from each other. And I think the right kind of advice is going to be a lot deeper than this is how much you should put in your 401k. It should be what is a great life for you and how, how do we learn from our elders? How do we learn from some of my older clients and things they wish they had done differently. And usually it's about investing in things that matter, that transcend money, that being said, the irony and money is if you don't do at least the decent job of planning, it is hard to, if you have no money and you can't pay your rent or mortgage, it's hard to focus on the things that matter. So there is some irony in Matt and planning and the fact that I think ultimately the reason money matters because you need to do planning at least well enough.

(29:02): Then you can focus on the things that matter beyond money. And once you're there, I think your life should be all about how do I give back? How do I invest in the relationships around me? And how do I have a prudent? You have money and finance, but not an obsession because I think when we make money, our measuring stick, it will never be enough. I mean, I think that's another thing I've learned from our clients is if your measurement on your worth as a human here's about how much money you have in your investment account, your net worth of your bank account, it will never be enough. It will always be one more dollar. And so I think having that perspective that there are five capitals,

(29:42): There is a broader way to measure our life. And as a person that wants to protect my family, I do think your finances matter. I just don't think it's the only way to measure. And it's certainly not the best way to measure yourself as a person, as a father, as a husband. I think you have to keep your eye on it. But I think if that's our only measuring stick and is a recipe for disaster, cause it'll never be enough. Yup. And a lot of good stuff there. I love that idea obviously of the wise council piece. I know in my interactions with my clients, no matter the type of business they're in, if they're in construction or if they are in manufacturing or wealth management leaders are still bringing the same information or questions to myself. And so there are days I even feel it's a Groundhog's day.

(30:32): But if you try to do any of that, whether it's manager your own money by yourself in a vacuum or lead a company in a vacuum, man, I mean, bad things can happen. It's that idea of as the lone Wolf gets taken out, one thing that I've always enjoyed talking with you about here in these last few months is you've really had a as I have to, but it just a good reset of what this quarantine has done. You know, you and I been Enneagram threes, you and I be in a can be approval driven, achievement driven as a close second that we were very, very busy before the quarantine. It was, I gotta be at this social gathering, I've got to get coffee with this individual, get a beer with this individual that it was go, go, go. And in talking with you, you've just shared some really neat things out.

The core team has kind of an eyeopening to you and how when you go back, as we get back to our new normal, there's a new mindset that you're taking back with you. I love for you to just share some thoughts on that, that you're experiencing. I mean, I think quarantine gave us permission too, because there was no fear of missing out. You know, like if I went all video calls with clients and all conference calls, I knew the whole world had to do the same thing at the same time. So when you'd normally have fear of trying things, because you knew we were all on the same playing field. As, as business owners, we got to try different things. We got to try remote work. We got to try moving everything to video calls. We were able to experiment with different things with team members on switching up job responsibilities. And we ultimately got more time with our family. And my takeaway is I think this may be in our lifetime the best time. However, the biggest opportunity ever to actually make life change because we've all had this shared experience at the same time, I liken it to going away on a retreat or going away on a mission trip. If that happens, you come back changed. But what ends up happening

(32:40): Is anybody that didn't go on that trip or that experience or that whatever with you didn't have the same shared experience. So they're not changed. So there's this inertia to making life changes when you come back because the world didn't have that shared experience with you. At the same time, we are living through something where everybody is had this shared experience from being home or to having more family time, to looking at life differently. I think if there's a time to make, I call it friction. Whenever you want to make a change in your life, you have this friction. It might be the most frictionless time in history to make life change, because I think people will get it after living through all this at the same time. So I think it's a great moment in time to look at what we've learned. All crisis creates opportunity.

(33:31): Crisis creates bad stuff. We don't have to talk about the bad stuff. The crisis creates work. We're all aware of it. The news will tell you more about it than you need to know, but every crisis also creates opportunity. And I think one of the things I've been thinking a lot about and asking clients that think about is you're going to get permission to make life change at a scale that you've never had permission to make ever from those around you. What did you learn and what life changes do you want to make as a result of this crisis? We've all lived through. And for me, I think it's about time with family. I mean, I think I've had more family dinners in the last three or four months than I've had in the last year. And I think it's just giving yourself permission to take a walk with your kids in the morning, or shoot baskets with your kids in the morning or coaching more teams.

(34:25): It's also given us permission to probably say no to more social engagements. And so for us, I don't think it's necessarily when this thing's over. I think the people that say every single thing in my life is going to be different or setting themselves up for disappointment. I think for us, it's 20 to 30% less stuff. It's 20 to 30% less work commitments. It's 20 to 30% less social commitments. It's 20 to 30% less just stuff overall. So we have more room for each other as a family. That's what, I'm, what I'm taking away from. This thing is getting home from work earlier. Maybe having more, more days where I'm working from home. And I think I'm still working on firming up with those things mean, but I think we all have an interesting opportunity at this moment in time to decide what that is for us and setting some new boundaries in your life.

(35:19): And I think those people around you will get it, in it a different way than they have in the past. And I think everybody is kind of learned. There's a different way to be efficient. There's a different way to get, let's just call it an end. You can get as much stuff done and be around more at. And I think we're, we're exploring what that Ann means and also exploring what it means to do more, more of a strategic direction rather than just working hard for the sake of working hard. I think when you're, when you're a business owner and you're used to just the grind, you sometimes just glamorize working hard rather than working smart. And so I think what working smart in the next season looks like, and also encourage my clients to do the same.

(36:05): Yeah. I love the idea that you just said the permission to change the PR the permission, even to say no, that it's opened up the eyes to, to all those pieces. Ben earlier, you made a comment about the five capitals and what's been fun working with you as a client.

(36:22): I mean,

(36:22): For you being a client of mine is just your quick implementation where you are as a leader, you're learning something that I'll share and then you quickly go and implement it. And I love when I work with clients and they do just that because some people just hear the information and then they don't do anything about it.

(36:39): It's been fun to see your quick implementation.

(36:42): And I know you've incorporated the five capitals into live Well's framework. Are there other pieces of the coaching that you find valuable as you kind of look back over these last couple years that have been really differentiators of our time

(36:58): Working together? Well, first off the five capitals are such a great framework for financial planning, spiritual, relational, physical, intellectual, and financial. Do I get them in the right order? Oh, did way to go, man. So if you think about measuring what matters and you really think about having your life prioritize in that order? I think the start, if you can get a, client's thinking through that paradigm, because I think if financial is your only capital you're measuring, every decision is easy. Right? All right. There was a job offer in California and it's more money than I'm making now I'll move to California. Right. And so if you're looking at things through the lens of the five capitals, you're looking at first through the lens of that job move, Hey, how will that go on spiritually about this? Do I feel called to California? How has it relationally?

(37:54): What's my network of friends like here versus where my network would be there. How will the move be my physical health? How will it be on my time I will be on my lifestyle. Will this new job be intellectually challenging at the level of my current job is, and then lastly, is it the right move financially for the financial security of our family? Well, that conversation is very different then just comparing compensation packages. Right? Right. And so if you apply that framework and even if the person isn't overly spiritual and they just want to look at it from a lens of kind of their purpose as a human, not necessarily the relationship with God, the framework is still going to take you in a really, really positive direction. So the number one thing I've learned from coaching is how to have deeper, better conversations with clients using the five capital's framework.

(38:46): And then I think the second biggest thing I've learned from coaching is I think a coach helps you ultimately focus on what matters. And I think a coach does what a good financial advisor does is they kind of turn the mirror back around on you and your wife and saying, is your life reflective of the things you say that matters? And a lot of times it's not. And I think what I've learned from coaching is ultimately it is a great recalibration too. How am I doing as a husband? How am I doing as a father? How am I doing with my health? How am I doing with my relationship with God? And ultimately if you can have somebody help make sure that on a weekly or biweekly or monthly basis, your life is getting recalibrated, I think it helps you from being off track. And I think the, you know, all of the people I respect in my life have people around them that tell them the truth.

(39:55): And so I think whether it's a friend group, whether it's a coach having somebody around you that will actually tell you the truth about your life, I think helps you from getting too far off track. I mean, I measure my life in some ways, by the quality of people that have been around me that have said, Hey, man, I think you're, you're getting off track here. Or, Hey, I'm seeing this inconsistency in you, or I know you've been doing this much and it's out of line. I think if I look at all the people, clients I know that have that crashed and burned or had a, a big issue in their life that wasn't a positive. It usually came from a lack of having people around them that told them the truth. They got so isolated in their ivory tower that they started believing their own hype.

(40:48): And I think it's something that can happen to any of us. And so whether it's friendships or whether it's a coach having somebody in your life that will actually tell you the truth and hold you accountable to the person you say you want to be, I think it was worth it's weight in gold. And I think is a big, big kind of net of safety around, around, I think, especially men. It's awesome. Cool. Well, I want to end with two easy questions to kind of help us all just yeah. I think even about our own lives, what are you reading right now? So, because I'm an Enneagram three, I use a app called Blinkist. I don't know if you use that app Enneagram threes, like to get things done. So it's like in high school, it's like reading the cliff notes of something.

(41:44): And so I will pull up my app. I'll just pull up my app and tell you the last few things I've read. You can get a book done and about 15 or 20 minutes to kind of get the essence of the book. And I would say if I have a book that I love all of them, go out and get the, the real version of the book. So last few books, I've read the road back to you. I actually think I lost the real version of it I had. Cause I think you gave me that book then of your grant book. Yeah. So the road back to you, seven habits of highly effective people, which I'm reading for like the 10th time and think and grow rich, which I think I'm reading for the fifth or sixth.

(42:28): Yeah. Good, good. Those are awesome. All right. Second, what are you most excited about in the next 30 days?

(42:35): I think for us personally, as a family, we're going on a trip with two other couples whose kids all match up exactly what our kids' ages. So Lindsay and I are going to Norris without kids with a couple couples at the end of July. And then we're got a trip at the beginning of August with couples and kids. So I'm looking forward to time away to recharge. And then I'm looking forward to getting back to business mid August. Our new office space is going to be done. So I'm looking forward to time off and then I'm looking forward to getting recharged, to get back at it. So that's what the next 30 days looks like. Oh, that's awesome.

(43:15): I share with a lot of people, especially this time of year with all the different vacations, you've heard me say I supposed to say it again. Even for the listeners is kind of the idea of the three R's when we have vacation season one, get rest and we need to be, as you said earlier, we've got to be working from a position of rest. So fall and Q three Q four will be busy. The is relationships we're away. It's cool. You're getting all that good family time. And then the last is reflections to reflect on what's happening and, and over these last few months, and then through reflection, we'll get revelations. So hopefully get some cool ideas. You come back and excited to hear about them. So Ben, thank you so much for the friendship. Thank you for your business. How can listeners get ahold of you? What's the best way for them to connect with you?

(43:59): So live well, capital.com is our website and there's an ability to contact us through that website.

(44:08): That's probably the easiest and simplest place to forget us. We're about to get a lot more active on social media, but live well. Caproic.Com would be the quickest and easiest way to get. Awesome. Thank you very much, Ben. Thanks Corey. Appreciate it. I want to thank you for listening to my podcast. When at home first I am so grateful to hear from listeners like you, that this content has been helpful. So now I would love for you to pay it forward. I want to get this message in the hands of more listeners. We need leaders to be winning both at home and at work, especially during this time. So please take a minute to share this episode with somebody you think would find value in it, as well as rate and subscribe as a thank you, please visit my website corymcarlson.com to download a free resource that people are finding value in. Thank you very much.

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