00:04 And I think people complicate personal development. It's really just getting to know yourself better and that can be through a book. It can be through a podcast, it can be through meditation, it can be through so many things.
Hey, I'm Christy and I'm Ray. And our passion is to inspire entrepreneurial couples to cocreate the life and business of their dreams and enjoy the ride. Together, we built three successful businesses. We have a beautiful three year old daughter and we pride ourselves on living a life by design. And our goal is to help you do the same. Are you ready to take your relationship, your health, and your wealth to the next level? If so, let’s do this.
00:49 All right. Everyone on this episode, we got interviewed by the one and only Tim Bratz with the legacy we'll show and he's got a big sign. You can see it on YouTube as well. That's episode 2.2 how to be a successful entrepreneur with your spouse and a as usual. One of the things I love about Tim, he says, be your best. And one of the things that we love about that is it's about being your best, not comparing or competing with anyone. It's just being your very best and going after what you want for your reasons. And we shared together with him how we make it work together and not just within our finances but also within our family, with our relationships within our health, within our spirituality. So this episode he grilled Christy more than anything, which is great because he was really curious to see how do we do it together? Cause he's in the multifamily space and it's really critical that if someone's going to take on a big endeavor and big multifamily, big deals, big opportunities that they're supported and that they more importantly, that they feel supported by their spouses.
01:48 Yeah, agreed. I think. I think it's just that it's like an ongoing conversation and the more we do this, we've got what like 40 40 episodes in on both on board. And you know, we've been interviewed and had conversations with very similar people. And it's just this, it's an ongoing conversation. Like you're never done learning, you're never done growing. And the more that you can grow together, the better it gets. And that's just our, you know, our opinion and our reality that the more we do together, the easier it becomes and the more fun it becomes and the more fruitful it becomes. And that's what just, what we want to continue pursuing is that, is that greatness and that excellence in our business, in our marriage and our family and the way we parent in our health, like all of it. And it's all at a high level. And it sounds like a lot when you break it down, but when you really start to live it and embody it and feel it, it does become easier and lighter. And that's basically our message with all of these conversations that we're having is just how do we get to that place? How do we get to that space where things are more easeful, more graceful, more just feel better.
02:52 Absolutely. And, and, and I think one of the things that we learned from Eric Thomas, he calls us a triple double. And what you want ultimately is triple, double living, triple double. And basketball is, you know, you've got some rebounds, you got more than more than double digits, rebounds, double digits and assist and double digits and points. And it's the same thing, a triple double in life. You want a great marriage, you want to be a great parent, you want to have an Epic relationship, you want your help to be amazing at your level. You also want your faith and spirituality, you also want to enjoy the ride. And lastly, the finances should support all that. But it isn't the main driver, it's just how all work together. Whatever it is, how you want it to work your way. So whatever that is for you and it's going to be different for everybody. And yet there are certain frameworks and templates that work for everybody. And we just wanted to share that framework with Tim and that's what we did in this episode. So we hope you get value from it baby. And we enjoyed it. Again, Tim's a great friend of ours and so is his wife, Kate and Hudson and Penelope. We love them very much and we're very grateful to be part of his family. Yup. Enjoy.
03:51 All right, welcome to another episode of the legacy wealth show. I'm pumped for today's episode of get my good friend Ray Gonzalez, his wife, Christie with us. And Ray and I met through a mastermind probably a couple of years ago. It feels like a lot longer. We've been, we've been buddies for a long time. It feels like, and you know, obviously in mastermind you want to take business to the next level, but Ray and I connected at a deeper level because of a, we're both very family oriented, spouse oriented, wanting to take our relationships to the next level as well. So I want to have Ray and Christiane, they are rock stars, both entrepreneurs and they have a podcast that really helps entrepreneurs and their spouses take their relationship to the next level. So welcome Ray. Kristy, appreciate you guys being here. Thank you for having us. Thank you.
04:33 Awesome. So why don't you guys just give a little bit of background on a high level, on a kind of who you are, where you're from, how you guys met, and kinda how the relationship has kind of worked out. Ray, give me a little bit of business background because this is a lot of entrepreneurs, real estate investors. You come from the real estate world and then how things have progressed. And then Christie, I'm gonna turn to you a lot of questions. I want to go to you because what we don't get to hear a lot is the wife's perspective, right? The spouse's perspective of being married to a psycho entrepreneur like me and Ray, right? So I want to really hear about what that's like and how can we be better husbands and spouses and because I know when the home life is good, then the business life is good and everything works in harmony that way. So I'm excited for that piece, but right. Give me a little bit of background on some business stuff first and then I would love to hear how you and Chrissy met too.
05:24 We started buying and holding in Connecticut. I worked corporate for general electric and then we quit that. I quit that suite three years after that. Then like the corporate life. And then I started buying and holding some properties in Connecticut. Then I moved out to Warner Ray's in Florida, Miami, Florida. And just miserable out there. Wasn't my thing. I was miserable working in the corporate life and it was a great job with GE on financial management. I kind of like, I did well there. It's just, it wasn't my thing. So I started buying some rentals and then quit the job or two or two and a half years after I finished the program, they let me go and then I realized I needed some cash and there's some to go with the cash flow, cause the castle was nice, but it wasn't enough to cover everything else.
06:00 And you know, cashflow. Someone's was very well on some months you've got some issues, right? So we started going ahead and hosting some properties up there in Connecticut and then I just got miserable tired, you know, before the Oh six market. Change, sold most of everything up there. The ones I kept kinda didn't do that well on move back down on Miami, still looking for solid cap rates at the time. Oh six or seven couldn't find anything. So I started wholesaling out of my dad's one bedroom, you know the deal, right? So started wholesaling there, I'll buy myself. And then a couple of years integrated into a little business. Oh seven, Oh eight was still in the game, you know, took some lumps but also learned how to make adjustments. So I've been through the cycle and made it out of the cycle and it's, it's, it's interesting to see a lot of the same, we'll talk more about that same things going on over again, a little bit different, different players, but just a lot of real aggressiveness and not really paying attention to what's going on.
06:49 Not that they're not deals, there certainly is, but am I taking too much risk for the return? Right. So am I betting the farm in this one deal? So I've, you know, and it's, when you see guys that are worth 50, 100 million, go back to nothing. It's, I open it and, and it happened. So anyway, so it went through that, made it, made it out of that. And then all seven Oh eight, I met her, I was going to go to South beach and pimp out my life and start, you know, living it up a little, you know, tired of the, how the, you know, and wholesale margins went from 20, 30 grand to five. And I don't think people see that coming. And I said, you know what? We don't need this. I started working on myself, going to Tony Robbins events working on, and then I met her and I was like, well, this life is over.
07:22 I only had a couple of weeks. And then she was a school teacher at that point. And then she saw kind of my life, I didn't have to get up and go to work and et cetera. And they showed her to be unhappy. Not with the kids, but what the whole system, the whole educational system. And I put pressure on teachers and really it doesn't work. So she said, look, I'd like to quit. She went to an MLM, I think it was ACN. It was ACN. ACN, yeah. Yup. It was ACN. So she went to ACN and I saw like a hunger and drive and I saw her willing to communicate and willingly and I go, babe, we can do the ACN thing or we can do the real estate thing where I've already paid 10,000 hours. It's not going to take us that long to get there and we can get there faster.
07:57 And then we went on a date with destiny in it and Australia, she made a decision that, you know what, I'm quitting. No plan. Beat him Tony Robbins event, right Tony Robbins event in Australia. And I think for her, that advantage, she'll talk more about it. That event, like we went to Australia for 21 days when the U S dollar was in the trash and we spent 21 days there in a nice way. She was like, why? I can never do this teaching. And I said, well, well then if you want this to be part of your life, so there's no right or wrong, but if you want to travel like this for 2030 days and go to higher end events and we need to figure out the money piece to make sure that it, let's make the money piece adjust to our lifestyle. It's whatever we want, we'll, we'll make the money.
08:31 They're just to, to adjust to that lifestyle so we can live our legacy. There's one thing I talked to Joel idealistic about, it's like leaving a legacy and living your legacy. I want to do both. I want to live my legacy here and now. So she quit the job we got on board. This is like, well you don't I, and then we crush it together. Oh nine 10 11 was hard. We were adjusting, she had the employee mindset. We're still figuring it out. And you know, we made a lot of mistakes, things that we would have done just based on her skill set and my skill set, but it made us stronger and made us value money together. And it, you know, once you've been through all that, like what can't we go through? Like that's kind of what comes up. Even if we're having an issue now, we always link it back to even you, Tim, in some cases you're like,
09:08 Dude, I dealt with this with a hundred units myself.
09:10 Forget team I was doing a hundred units and nine properties and like, you know, so it's like this doesn't really phase me. Yeah. It might look like it's a big deal right now. But when you look back at your perspective and what you've been through, yep. It's not that big of a deal. Yup. I love it. And then, so now we sold everything and built out the portfolio together. We bought up 70 80 units in Miami, built a wholesale fix and flip business, but the wholesale and fix and flip. So we build all those leaders in businesses, sold everything in old 2014 1516 and 17 English till our last one in 18 and then Jim just got into lending and got into lending and I'm doing joint venture deals. So now we place capital with guys like you and and other great operators and we look to be as passive as possible and let other guys do what we used to do and they do it better and we get to enjoy our life and we're better at this for this season of our life right now.
09:54 Love it. And that's where I was going to go is like what you're doing today. And I think a lot of investors go through this natural progression, right? We start out watching other people and then we were watching that on TV and then all of a sudden we either become a broker or we start wholesaling real estate, they start flipping real estate and as soon as you get into flipping real estate you're like, I need to get out of flipping real estate. And then you start getting into buy and hold stuff and then a little bit larger buy and hold and then eventually, man, I mean for me it's, it's a, I think the lending game is where, where do you want to end up? Like what you guys are doing right now where you can passively invest and when you control the money you can control a lot of the deal and, and really scale a lot more than if you're an active operator.
10:30 Right? So I think that's, I think you guys are in an awesome spot. And Ray and Christie and I have, I've done millions of dollars of deals together and transactions, short term stuff mostly, but for several years now. And so we built a pretty good relationship, not only on the, on the personal side, but also on the business side. So Crucey I want to switch gears to you and ask you a little bit about the transition, right? So you see this entrepreneur has a different mindset, a little bit out there, right? Like where are one, two, three percenters out there that everybody else says is crazy. Like what to you was the catalyst to say, Oh, there is something more or, or, Oh, you know, I don't have to go and fall into this same, you know, process that we're all educated to fall into of go to school, get good grades, get a good job, that kind of a thing.
11:15 And then worked for 40 years for somebody else in order to retire on less money than you couldn't already live off of for the first 40 years. Right. So what, what were some of those things that like you saw that were catalysts for you, like that really were triggers of saying, Hey, this makes sense and what can entrepreneurs do to kind of, I don't know, I guess I guess broaden the, the mindset and broaden the horizon for their spouses of saying, I think there's something more that we can do together. If you know, something changed. It's like, like I'm, I'm a big believer that, you know, 100% of the relationship falls on me. So to say, you know, I'm trying to get somebody or your spouse to change, I don't think is the right
11:54 Word, but how can you, I guess support and how can I be a better spouse in order to also project better lifestyle, I guess for our family if that's something that I so deeply believe in. Does that make sense? Yes. I hope I can answer all of those questions. Starting from the beginning. I think that one of the biggest things that for me was an eye opener was I was a teacher, he was in real estate and we would come home and it was almost like there was no conversation based on teaching and real estate because he didn't understand me and my world and I didn't understand him and his world. Like he would come and complain about, you know, a tenant not paying or something. I'm like, Ooh, cares. Like I just got yelled at by five parents, you know? And it was just this huge disconnect that I don't know why.
12:43 I just, we early on saw that and were like, Oh we want to, obviously we had other things to talk about, but when it came to our careers, which is such a huge part of it, there was nothing to talk about. Like he didn't get it done. You're going down a path, but in two different vehicles, you're not together all the time that you spend at work. Right. So for me it was eight, nine hours. For him it was nonstop. Right. Entrepreneurs don't stop and it just, there was like a disconnect that we didn't understand each other and I don't know how and when we figured that out, but it was pretty early on. And the second part of that was while I was an ACN, I did ACN before joining the, the real estate side. I had a, a good friend of mine who joined as well and her husband was just not supportive.
13:25 I mean he was like, that's stupid, don't do that crap. Why are you wasting your time? Like it was to the point where she would like come in every day in tears. We were both teaching at the time. She was my partner in, in the school, in the classroom. And it was just horrible. Like it broke my heart. So those two were like probably the biggest eye opening, you know, the situations for me where it was like, okay, we don't understand each other. We're not communicating. Like he doesn't get it. I don't get it. There's no support. Right. Because I can't support him and something that I really don't get. It's difficult. Right. It's like I can be like, Oh, I'm sorry you had a bad day. But that was the end of it. You know, I couldn't pitch and catch with him. He couldn't help me with my, my stuff with, with, with the kids.
14:02 Like it was just a really big disconnect. And then the S the support side, right? Like not being able to really be there for him and vice versa was hard. Like it was like, okay, we were dating for like two or three years and it's already feeling like, you know? So those were the two biggest ones. And then the third part for me, which was huge was the personal development. Like once we started really getting deep into like you said, like 100% me, like it was all about me fixing my stuff and not fixing, but really realizing what was going on and who was running the show for him as well. And when we started doing that together, that was like just the, like the end. Like it was just awesome. Like it was a game changer for us because it felt like, okay, now we're really taking responsibility for each, for ourselves.
14:47 I don't have anything negative to say to him that is not some reflection in me. So it's like, how is this about me? How am I making it? You know? And so those three things together I think was kind of the shift, right? The shift that made us realize, okay, like either we've fixed this now or this is going to be pretty much the end of the relationship. Like it got to that point where it was just kind of like, what's the point? Like it wasn't a bad relationship, but it was once we started the personal development sort of thing, like what was possible, like a Tony and Sage, Tony Robbins and [inaudible], you know, all these amazing relationships. And it was like, how are we going to get there? Well we need to [inaudible] figure this out together. And so once I did get into, I quit teaching, it was, we think about, it took about six months for us to transition. So it wasn't like a one, you know, one day to the next. But it was February, 2012 I put in my resignation and another huge thing for us was I put in a resignation. Everybody was telling me, all my family, all my friends, all the people that loved me were like, just take a year, leave, let's see what happens. And we had the conversation and it was like, we're all in or we're not. And so that for me was huge. Like I get like burn the boats and it, it was what I think made the difference.
15:56 And so, so at this, at this point, what I think is really important is the personal development aspect. I think everything comes from mindset. And I've noticed this big time in my wife as well. We took, I forget what the test was, but it was something along the lines of like what your driving forces are. Is it growth oriented? Is it, I can't, I can't. Oh man. We took it, well I don't know, like a year ago. And and I re, and I didn't even realize this, but my wife was like very growth oriented. She's very like, like, you know, she's a stay at home mom. And what she was really yearning for is making an impact, making a difference. And she wasn't getting that growth, being a stay at home mom. And so the personal development stuff, I gave her a couple of books. Hey, this one made a big impact on me.
16:37 Kate, do you want to read it? Yeah. Okay. She reads it, she wants more, she wants more. And then she starts listening to the podcast, the Rachel Hollis podcast. Right. And then she goes to the rise conference just a few months ago and it's totally different. Like our relationship totally different. Amazing. Right? And not saying it was bad, it was just flat kind of before, like you were saying. And I think the personal development side of things, if your spouse is, you know, shows any, any shimmer of, of wanting desire for personal development, which you obviously did Kristi through ACN, which is amazing I think. I think multilevel marketing and network marketing companies are really good from a personal growth and personal development standpoints where I got a lot of mine too. Actually, I was at ACN for a couple of years and just realized that from an industry standpoint I could make more money and make a bigger impact elsewhere. And I really, really love real estate. But a lot of the personal development stuff that I've, that I've come through came from network marketing. So I see that. And then obviously you had a desire, a desire to go to like some of the Tony Robbins conferences and you think that was probably a catalyst of saying, Hey, here's what else is possible. Right.
17:37 Really? Yeah, I think doing it together too is huge. Like we still go to our, like I had my mastermind, he's got his, we do things separate, but I did, I don't know if anyone for about a year it was more like and that kind of thing, but just, Oh obviously all the personal embedded personal development stuff embedded in there is amazing. And yeah, I think it's, it's just being able to have that, those kinds of conversations and I think people could like, not confused, but they complicate personal development. It's really just getting to know yourself better. And that can be through a book. It can be through a podcast, it can be through meditation, it can be through so many things. And for me it was, first it was yoga. Like I just, I started doing yoga and it just like I started having all these things start coming up.
18:18 I'm like, what's that about? What's that about? Just getting curious. And it doesn't have to be a six day insane, crazy Tony Robbins event that we did, which we both got, well I ended up getting sick. It was just all these emotions going all over the place. But it can just be as simple as sitting by yourself in nature for 10 minutes. Like it's getting to know yourself and really quieting enough to to say, okay, what's coming up, what's here? And it sounds, you know woo and it sounds all this, but it's, it's, it's the most amazing thing you can do for yourself and you don't have to complicate it, you know?
18:48 And I think probably one of the biggest, maybe the biggest factor to success in anything that nobody ever talks about is self awareness, you know, and personal awareness and just like looking at a situation and then reflecting on the situation and thinking about the situation, thinking why you thought that way about that situation. And just being aware is one of those things that you're, I think you're talking about Christine, and I'm just, that's why people meditate, right? That's why people do yoga. That's why like for me, it's exactly what you're saying is take a run in the woods. I take a walk in the woods and it just like clears everything. Some people take notes and clear the head on, on just on a note pad of paper every single morning and just put their thoughts out there. And, and even if they just burn it when they're all done, it just gets it out there and just gets it off your chest and just makes you more aware of what's going on. So that's powerful stuff. So, so now tell me a little bit about what you're doing, Christie. Obviously you guys have the podcast and you work in the business a little bit with Ray too, right?
19:42 Yeah, I do most of the, just like the accounting, like the day to day accounting stuff right now and he's doing more of the actual placement and the paperwork that goes along with that. And I think just,
19:52 But you know the, a lot, lot of the emotional management,
19:54 Well I think that's what I was going to say. I think going back to, to to
19:58 The most female, the most wives, right.
20:03 Hello. I'm like relax,
20:06 Personally aware. He's so self aware that it's like, it's almost detrimental. Right? Well I think going back, I love it man. I've always had a real deep conversations with you'd rather,
20:16 But I think going back to the beginning, when we first started working out, I mean working together, one of the biggest shifts that I had with in the first two years was I started coming to the business. The way I saw him, like he, he, the way he would show up in business is how I would show up in business because I thought, well that's the way it has to be. Cause I was a teacher and now I'm a business owner and now I'm all, you know, a boss to these people I have to show up. I thought that was the only way to show up. Right. And that was [inaudible] terrible because I was miserable and I was just losing that whole femininity and that whole mothering mate sign and just that, that feminine side of things. So I think that was a big thing for us is really being able to personal assessment tools, personality tests.
20:58 We started going through all that and started really getting to know each other and I'm like, Oh you're good at that. I'm good at that. So that's how we started to finally and the first two years was also me learning the business cause I had no idea about anything about real estate. We were doing like Oreos and all these things. I just, none of it makes any sense to me. So I think it was good to like, I would go, I would do some cold calls and he would be like, what are you doing? I'm the guy you told me to do this. We were going on appointments together and all this stuff. But after that initial learning process we started realizing, Hey, I'm good at some things and you're good at some things. I want to put them together. It's amazing. Like, he doesn't like accounting.
21:31 He doesn't like QuickBooks. I love it. I think organizing things and seeing things on spreadsheet is like, it's amazing and he's the let's go talk to people. Let's go make things happen. Let's go. You know? So once we figured that out, which is kind of where this whole thing of both on boards started coming from, it was like when we're both on doing what's best, what's good, what I'm great at and what he's great at, and we put that together. It's just, it's magic, right? It's amazing. So I think that was a big part of us being able to work together. So now when you say, what did we do where it's like, well, I'm good at this. I'm not so great at going out and networking. I need my alone time. I'm like, I like to learn things and study things and put things together. He's let's go out there and let's go talk to people. Let's go connect. Like he doesn't talk to someone on the phone for two hours a day. I, he even calls somebody like. It's amazing and valuable. And I realized that it's not my thing. Like I like being in my room, I like you know, writing and so it's just figuring that out and that comes through a lot of personal development as well. Like you said, the awareness that I need my downtime or I need whatever I need and he gets to do whatever he gets to do and then we get to like now that he understands me and I understand him at a deeper level, it just makes everything a lot smoother.
22:37 I think one thing that might be challenging for the guys on the call is giving her the space and the freedom because for you you're so used to controlling, for lack of a better term, what we do, how we do it. The like giving her the space has been one of the hardest things I've done to figure out what she wants and figure out her way, but ultimately trusting that we're going to end up on the same road of alignment as long as it's personal growth and development. It could be Kabbalah, it could be yoga can be whatever she wants. I think the biggest thing for guys too is I didn't force her into this. The first gift I gave her was a Tony Robbins 30 day personal power. I mean, I might've had some Laker tickets in there. I'm just saying, you know what I mean, I'm sensitive.
23:12 You know what I mean? This isn't the Colby days, you know? So she, but she actually went through it and she started to write things down and then I said, all right, she's [inaudible]. And then that's what I said, all right, there's an opening. You don't want to ever force anyone to do this. And then the other thing she said is, as we got together now there's a lot of alignment. And once there's alignment with doing the relationship, you can alignment and enrollment. Like she knows where we're going. We know we're both lifestyle pieces. Hey, we want to up our lifestyle, right? What has to happen to make that happen? How are we doing it together? But there's enrollment of like, she doesn't do a quarter. So I'll let them know what the course is about and what the commitments because she's going to need me to
23:46 Step up without Latina. And you know what I mean? So there's a lot of them and I'm supportive of her and at the same time, does it make sense that I can bounce, she could bounce that rate. Does that make sense anymore for you to go, why are you going to that? And sometimes it doesn't. I'm just going because it wasn't a thing I do. And vice versa. Babe, why are you going to that now? Does that even make sense to go so or the other way? Hey baby, you're on. It's all on one support truck. I haven't seen that one scene with me Tuesday, Wednesday night. I'm in. All right, cool. Yup. Well, we really want to help couples with us get that alignment where they're supporting each other and they're both heading towards the same targets as a co. I love it. I love it.
24:16 So two things I want to hit on. One is from an awareness standpoint of realizing that opposites attract, you know, magnetism, positive energy, negative energy attracts, right. And I'm not necessarily negative and in a negative aspect of just being positive and negative in a magnet. Right? And, but, but you guys have the same dynamic as Kate and I and so Kate's very spreadsheet oriented data, analytical, organized. I create chaos. She creates order. Not saying that I couldn't do those things, not saying that Chris, he couldn't get in front of a room and speak to a large group or not saying that Ray couldn't put a spreadsheet together. It's just that's not a driving activity. It's more of a drainer and it takes a lot of energy to like get past that. Right. And it takes a lot more time to get past that. And so one of the things that we did is just a disc analysis, a disc assessment, D I S C and you find out where you are.
25:07 I'm very high D high. I am sure Ray, you're the same way. You know in Christie you're probably S C right? Which is very much where Kate is as well. And that's important not only in relationships but also in business partnerships, which do you happen to be? Business partners. But my, my COO is very high D C you know, and it complements a lot of the things that you know, I'm not good at or don't want to do or just are not a driving factor for me. So that's a big help. Just do a search disc assessment. It's free. That's great. It's a great resource. I think one of the things, so you said your business partner dude, who is your number one business partner is your wife. How many, how many guys are we seeing guys? I'm going to build this legacy, I'm going to build, you know, I'm going to get the tool a hundred to 2000 units and then they get a divorce.
25:48 Yup. If your number one relationship and your partnership is the one at home, yup. Dude, that's not going well. Nothing else is going to go well. You're not going to have good business relationships. You're not going to have good health like everything else falls apart. So, so tell me about how is it now working together so you didn't work together? Like it's kind of flat from a relationship standpoint. You got together, you talked about social stuff but not really couldn't connect on work stuff. Now you work together. I think some people have a concern of if I work with my wife or I get jumped into her business or she jumps into my business or we partner up and start a new business, whatever that looks like, then that's all we're going to be talking about. It's going to consume our personal life. But to me becoming more self aware. It seems like you're able to connect at a deeper level and it just goals and everything else on the social side then falls into place. Is that what you guys have seen? Yeah, I think one of the things too, just to point out as well, because we happened to work together, like it just, that's
26:44 Just our situation. But then at the end of the day, husbands and wives or partners, couples, you're working together to build a home and have family and so it's like no matter what the situational setup is like you're still working together. So I think that this is good for anyone that's like whether you're working together, whether you're separate businesses, whether one's an employee, where stay at home mom, like I think it's just a conversation that it just, it's ongoing for everyone. So I just wanted to point that out because a lot of people tell us that it's like, well, but you guys work together, it's different. I'm like, no, it's not. Because we still have to run a household. We still have to raise a child. We still have to pay bills. Like it's all still very much in alignment with you don't wanting to be on the same page and on the same team with each other too to make a great life no matter where you work or what, where your income comes from. So
27:29 If anything gets harder because there's more,
27:32 Right. So then that's what I'd say. So then working together then brings a layer of complexity. That's a good word. And what I think happens with us, obviously everybody, it works different for everyone, but one of our things is it's all life. Like it's all, it's all integration. Like it's all part of it. Like if we don't put this deal together, then we have to figure out, okay, where are we going to make ends meet? Like it's, it's all one thing. So I don't think we ever really built boundaries, let me know. We didn't build like hard things, but we built boundaries, right? We, we, we wanted to create a space where we could disconnect, where we could connect at a deeper level where we can connect with that with our daughter. So we kind of played with it in a way where we, when things were feeling off, it was like, okay, I need some time off.
28:18 Like, I need some downtime, I'm going to go, do you know I'm going to go go to a yoga class? Or you know, Ray goes for his masterminds, he sees a couple of days off and then we kind of like, okay, so I think it's different for everyone, but you have to figure out something that works for the two of you because he could talk about loans all day and, and tell me [inaudible] I get to a point where I'm like, okay, enough, like that's it and not come from a like shut up about it, but just, okay. Right now I'm thinking about Valentina school or I'm thinking about what we're going to eat for dinner, so I really don't. So you have to play with it. I think it's, it's like an art, you know? I think it just comes, it starts to come more naturally the more you do it, and then the other parts,
28:56 And also it changes as your seasons change. Now we don't want to say more about Latino. How does that look like? Can someone who's going to step off so I can step up and who's going to help me on something, let me do other things. Can you pick the groceries up and do some other things here? Who can we get to support us so that I can actually go spend more time with her and had I not enrolled, there would've been in the past like that wasn't a big deal for him. But now it's become so different and set expectations. You're saying kind of things and then have those class often. And the other thing we've worked out kind of boundaries if you will. We have certain rules. Like for example, I want to send her an email on something or pay something or someone that I, it's an email, I don't send her a text, I don't interrupt her.
29:31 So understanding what the boundaries are and if it's something urgent, then I come in and talk to her. When we set up times for things, there's weekly meetings we meet, we sync up to the weekly meeting for the podcast. We have weekly meetings, our accounting. So there's setup times and structure where we just meet and we find out a lot better. There's a structure for what they should be. I live in this house and what is really live in the other house and that just like creates, all right, cool. I got it. Cause I can play with them a structure and there's value in that. And then the other thing that's worked well for both of us as roles and lanes and roles, Valentino schooling, that's her lame. She's an old school teacher. She's better at it. She's the one talking to the teachers. Like that's her thing now I'm here.
30:06 Hey baby, you want to change schools? I support the loan. That's my thing. I come to her for, Hey, you know, what do you think about this? Do you think about that? But that's my lane. So, and then there's something we do together, like the nutrition piece and that kind of stuff. The help piece. But thinking out who's within the [inaudible], right. Finance, who's doing what and when and who owns that lean and then who's playing second fiddle and if it's together, then what does that look like? I just think a lot of clarity just relieves the stress. Like I know what's going on. We have set schedules. I know there's going to be a time to talk about this, so I'm not just bringing it up before we go to bed. I mean I used to be terrible. We struggled and before we went to bed I got to fire this employee and then I go, babe, new rule. We talked about the employees because I'm in the bed, they're gone. I do not want to be talking about employees in the button now. No. So do you guys shut off the business side of things or do you don't need to because you set such clear parameters and expectations and you have your time set aside for discussing those kinds of things. Do you even try to shut it off or it's just, it's cool now? It is.
31:04 I think that with the organization, with the boundaries, it's not necessary to shut it off because we, it could just come up like out of, you know, a conversation that we're having and then start talking about something. But I think that with the schedule that we have, like Mondays, we do check ins. Wednesdays, Tuesdays we do podcasts. Thursdays we do accounting. Like since we're, we're so clear on our commitments to each other and that came with time. Like at first it was obviously just a big mess. We're, since we're so clear on our committee and like just setting up that time to say, okay, at this time we're going to talk about this. And if you have something to say and it's not, obviously the business isn't going to blow up. Okay, I'm going to write this down and then we'll talk about it on Monday and our check-in, Oh, I have something that you, I need you to pay. Okay, I'm going to send you an email and when I go on Thursday to check my email, everything will be there. So it's organizing your time in a way where these urgencies aren't like, they don't have, you know, little by little like obviously there might be something like, Oh, this guy called me in a deal of last minute and we need, you know, this money.
32:03 I know exactly what road that's going down. All right. Hey,
32:07 We may talk about you sometimes, but you know, it's like there's the, it happens, right? But is it the norm? No. Is it something that we are, like you said that you weren't going to talk to me about like, no, because it's part of our life and we both understand that, you know, it's, it's just that's good. Comes with the territory, right? Things are gonna maybe go sideways. Septic tents are going to blow up during labor day weekend and there's a hurricane and septic tank blows up like a few days ago. And it's just, we got to talk about it because we've got to fix it because our tenants aren't happy. And so we try to make it as contained as possible. And yet sometimes things happen. You know, we go out with friends, like friends, I have like a good friend of ours, they've got a hundred units on their rental properties. We talk about business. It's just fun for us. Like we like it, we enjoy it and then it comes a time where Bray and and him keep talking about business and we go and talk about kids and you know, it's just, it's building it all into one thing because when you compartmentalize too much it just feels cutoff and it feels stressful and it feels positive. It feels good. It feels like,
33:09 I remember we tried that, tried it, it didn't work. So it's an art of figuring out what works for you and just knowing that it'll change. Like it just changed. Like I thought it was going to be that way forever. I go, no, look, now that I'm Tina and he's spending a lot of time with Tina at this age, teach you how to swim and stuff like that is really important. So we just want to make adjustments. Give me a tangible, like what, how do you guys structure your week? Give me like the actual structure or what that looks like. So that way you say Hey from a high level these are the meetings that we need to have. Here's the days that we have. I'm like how did you guys put that together? Just let me know what yours looks like. I'm just, I'm trying to get a picture cause we're talking very high level type stuff. Now how do we implement it? Right? How do we put it into practice? So if you can give me an example of how you guys do your, so Mondays you do your weekly meetings, walk through your week with me.
33:55 So I think that it kind of, we can go through too because what we remember of when we did have the office, cause it was all obviously very different. So now we work from home. We bet the loans, we've got the podcast, it's a lot more, it's a lot less hours, right? So Sunday night he, it's just his thing. He does his plans, he plans his whole week. I'm more like of an ongoing person, but he likes to sit Sunday nights and then as I'm taking care of Valentina doing whatever, we kind of have a little discussion. Oh yeah I have that going on. I look at my calendar, I see what's going on. We kind of sync up calendars to know what's going on through the week and that's usually like on a Sunday afternoon, Sunday night,
34:27 That's a, that's a 10 minute talk to me what you, do you have this thing and you have this and like I'm looking to see what her big restaurant, what mine are and then if I have to change time with Delancey exit. Is that for the week? For the month or the week. Hey is grandma coming in and taking a one night? What night is grandma taking her? Are we having a day, a day day for us? Are we staying over somewhere else so we can have some alone time for us? What's going on?
34:47 Yeah. And then Monday about midday is our sync up. Like it's like anything and everything we need to talk about to get things done, to get things rolling to make sure we're heard and we feel supported. Like, Hey, I've got this going on on Wednesday. I needed to take baby because I have a call. All that like real late concrete things that we, that we need to do to, to make our week successful. And then that includes anything on both on board. And like right now I'm taking a couple of courses on stuff with the podcast and, and our coaching program and that kind of thing that we're developing. So we kind of meet up a bit and that's usually about an hour, hour and a half, usually about 90 minutes. Then Tuesdays we commit to our podcast. So we try to do it at least every other Tuesday. But usually it's every Tuesday, 12 to three we've got our podcast recordings and we talk about anything and everything that has to do with both on board, anything that has to do with podcasts, anything that has do with other people's podcasts. So like obviously he came to me yesterday as I, two months to do it tomorrow morning. Can we do it? I'm like, okay, but for the most chaos
35:47 I create chaos. You're creating order right now. Yeah. And then Thursday, Oh, let's, let's touch on the one thing. There's something on your list to do guys that you guys are doing in that meeting, for example. And she's not feeling it like she's off. Maybe you know what, you know, Valencia didn't sleep well. I'm just not feeling right. Give each other permission not to be. So it has to happen, has to happen. But there's a lot of things that we've designed our life that don't have to happen. We could reschedule you. And I was gonna do this podcast a few times. Just, it wasn't feeling that. So if someone doesn't feel good, meaning like they're not in a best, they're not, they're not being their best. I'm not going to be to be their best. You're better off changing it cause you're, you're, you're better off doing it when you're both at your best.
36:27 And again, you know, maybe still do it that day, but maybe go to the gym or meditate, whatever. Just give yourself that freedom where both of you can show up at your best. That's a great point. And, and you know, things are only as important as you as you make them. Right? It's only as important as as we create them in our own life. And when you step back, you really like, is this really that important? Most things are not, you know? So why create the additional stress in your life or stress with your spouse or stress with your kids when it's really not that important? Right. It's only as important as we give it, as we allow it to be. Or it can be not as important as we, I want it to be. Right. I think there's definitely a courtesy to man. I think a lot of times for me, she's much better at than I am. At times I would make things urgent, but that was just me creating the urgency to feel significant. It was, it was BS. Yeah. Yeah. That's a great point. No, that's good. So sorry, Wednesday the podcast,
37:21 Right, right. No Tuesday podcast is our accounting day, whatever it needs to get done, usually about three hours. And that's when we do most of the bulk of things. And then obviously this week it's the beginning of the month so it's a little bit more heavy. And then that's when Ray tells me, Oh wait, I've got this opportunity. Look at, look at what's going on, what do you think? Let's have a conversation, let's look at the markets. Whenever that is, it's more like a business and it's usually about two to three hours depending on what we need.
37:50 We've got the mermaid, then we go through the accounting like yesterday, what came in, what came out, what the loans are doing. Hey, are we looking to buy life insurance? Like what's going on week to week that's going to affect how we fund our lifestyle. And again, I know that in my, in this role I'm making a lot of the decisions, but dude, it feels so good just to know that she is aware of what's going on and she's aware of the risk and it feels to me like we're a team doing this and and locally made this one together. If it goes sideways, it goes sideways. But we made a decision together and it just takes a lot of stress and emotional stress off me. And sometimes just a second perspective, more like gray. See your, your energy is not great when you're talking about that person. You know, you're, you said you didn't want to do more of those deals. Cause a lot of times guys like you and me, Tim will violate our own system and procedures to get something done. Yes. And we're in here versus here. She's living here, which is a lot better for me because ultimately you and I do well and we live here, not here. Yup. Guys, I was going to my heart and my head.
38:48 Yeah. So when you listen, it's very, very different when you connect with on agendas. Very, very different. I mean that's how Tim and I first connected. It wasn't about money and it was an agenda and we both had that same servant heart. And yet if it was transactional, I don't think either one of us do because we'll do business. And most of us at the speed at which Tim likes to do business. So is that something where she helps out? So I'm on accounting. It's not just accounting, we call it accounting, but it's really how we fund our lifestyle. New opportunities, how we mitigate risks, what long they're going sideways, where's money, where's money now? What's supposed to come in, what's not supposed to come in? And what it creates is if something were to happen to you, like she knows about the life insurance, she knows where the money is, she knows that she could take this over and it wouldn't be like, where am I?
39:29 And then the other thing it's created on the accounting piece, which I think is huge for the guy's perspective. Maybe not so much for the women. It's okay. As we built this together, we start to value money together. And how it's going to be spent and how it's going to be invested and invested in our joy as well too. So we know the value because we built it together and she had certain money, blueprints hold her die. And as we've grown this piece together, there's no, so there's been a lot of alignments. So what I really want to share with you guys is I think for me as a man, it's been, the biggest piece is that she knows how to delay gratification. If we said, Hey, stop all spending, she knows she's on board. Like there's no, you know what I mean? So that's for me guys, like that's been the number one thing in terms of the alignment is on this money side where I know she's not going to go out and you know, do something that's not in alignment with what we do.
40:14 Like she's going, you know what I mean? And I'm not the widespread, you know what I mean? I see some relationships where they're not right or wrong. I'm just saying the woman or the male, they're there, they're two different people. And one is that there's a, it creates a whole bunch of tension. I don't know if you've seen a 10, but you know, and it's, it's really a lot of tension. I think there's a need to be there if you guys have those money values aligned. And the thing is no one's talking about it. Yep. [inaudible] That was one of the things that really tried to meet my wife. She's very, she already had it. Like we didn't have a discussion about it. She was already very frugal, didn't spend money, didn't like spending money. She likes nice things, but she will save it up and she'll have it on her vision board for a year or a year and a half before she actually goes out and gets it. And so that's been I mean you take a look like most, most relationships that ended up in divorce are like, what is it? 50 80% of them, whatever come from a financial perspective. Right. Oh cause it, cause the money blueprints aren't aligned like you said.
41:10 Well just the ad with the check-ins. I think that the biggest part of the check-ins beyond the tactical stuff that needs to get done and all that, I think it's just feeling connected in a way where it's like I feel heard, he feels heard, we feel supported. And that's how we go into the conversations. Like it's yes, it's about business. Yes, it's about the podcast. Yes, there's, there's to do, listen, things need to get done. But beyond that, and I think that's why it's important for people to figure out what works for them, that it just feels like, okay, we're on the same team. We're on the same page. I get what he's about, I get what he's doing, I get what he's going through. And it's not, you know, in, in, in a year when we're checking in with each other. It's like, what? I didn't know all that was going on. Right. And people have conversations like that all the time when we do, when you do it weekly, at least, I mean at least once a week, if not two or three. It just builds that comradery. It builds that connection. It builds that support where you know that you're on the same page
41:59 And that kind of ability to maybe like, Hey I want to go to yoga twice a week maybe. What can I do to help you? Cause I know that yoga is important to you. I've seen what it, what it does when you go, what kinds of support you and that for me, I want to go to yoga at least once a week. What does that look like? Can I take Tina one night? So it just really helps create a team and then you can just see where the holes are. Like for us recently we had a whole one from Michael Bay. What's up with us? Like we're not spending a lot on like Oh long time ago they were spending a lot of time together with Tina or meet with Tina, but what's up the bus? All right, cool. Cut. Wednesday, Wednesday, middle of the day. We're rolling mom. We shipped them off from Thursday to Wednesday. I got her number rolled under the other place and just you and me for at least a day. If you want to stay over, we stay. Or if we want to just come out and we come back, but spend the date again and they shouldn't. There might be a call he or college, you gotta do it. Not Wednesday, but the majority of days, just parent night again. I love it. I love it.
42:48 I love it. So tell me a little bit, a little bit about
42:51 Where does Valentina fit into the whole thing? So how are we, how do you guys spend time with her? How do you guys designate time with her? How are you raising her with the same mindset and principles that we've had to work so hard for over our adult lives? And like one of the big things for me is how do I instill these achievement or mindset type principles? Like whether they want to go build a $1 billion business or my kids want to go and be whatever, do whatever they want to do. They want to be artists, right? They want to be ballet dancers. I don't care as long as you know they're striving to be better in everything that they do and trying to be the best at that. Right. And not, not settling for mediocracy and something that they know that they can achieve higher and be greater at. So like how are you guys instilling those values? But tell me a little bit about the time that you spend with Valentina and then let's talk a little bit about the values that you're selling at her too.
43:42 So time wise it's a little different every week but for the most part I spend the mornings with her. Ray goes to the gym, then usually either he'll pick her up or pick her up together. Ray has his Tina Tuesdays.
43:53 What's knowledge change cause cause she's got a meeting on [inaudible]
43:56 No it's, you know, Wednesdays, Thursdays. But he has a night with her and I think that's, that's something that we read that someone told us a long time ago, like having individual time. And I think with you, and it's even more because you've got to, you want to make sure you have individual time with each of them as well. And Kate too. So having that individual time, me individual time with her and then the three of us together and then having us time, which is where, where is she? So she's usually with my mom or his mom or someone. So I think it's, it's important to mix that up. Like this morning I took her to school earlier because we started today at nine and it's a good school a little bit earlier and I was kind of sad. It was feeling like, Oh, I'm gonna miss you.
44:35 And she just like walked in and all good. So she really loves her school. I think for me that's a huge thing. Being a teacher was like, I want to make sure that it's a great school that I feel comfortable with, that she's happy in. Like if she's kicking and screaming on the way out the door, I mean maybe something's wrong. Like, maybe some kids are just like that, but for her, like she gets up, she gets dressed, she eats, she goes, it's, so that's that's been huge for us. Making sure that her schooling is, is on point and that she's happy with it and that we've see progress. And I think beyond that, I think for parenting, I think the biggest thing for us has been the language that we use with her. So how we speak to her and for me as a mom, like remembering she's not a baby, she's a person that is huge for me.
45:18 And sometimes I forget because it's like we want to get them to do, you know what we're doing and how we're doing it and do it this way. And, and they're people right there. There are people that come with their own stuff and their own agenda and whatever you want to believe. Like she's, she's, she's a person, she's not my daughter, she's not mine. Right. She's, we're raising her for the world, for society. So for us, language is huge. How we speak to her, how we explain things to her. Sometimes she has her tantrums if she has her moments and we let her have them like, okay, like you're just having a bad moment. Just like adults have bad moments and just like you know everybody, every, everybody has. So I think giving her that space to be a person has been huge. And the other part is the leading by example.
45:56 Like how we are. Like everybody knows that it's like a corny quote with like, kids don't do what you say, they do what you do. And I think that's huge for us. Like her yesterday she brought out the twister and she's like, let's stretch. Let's, let's do jumping jacks and Oh daddy, you forgot your water bottle. And you know like it's just, that's what she sees. Like that's what she's been raised with initially and if you're going to be exposed to some limiting stuff. Like the other day she spent a few, a few too many days with other family members and she came home saying, I'm scared. I'm like, what? What do you mean you're scared? You're brave. Your name is Valentina. And just that giving her that contrast. And at the end of the day, letting them choose, like you said, like you want to be a ballerina, you want to be whatever you want to be is fine, but like know what the, what, what that entails and obviously not now, but in the future like okay, yeah, you want to be this and you want to make sure that you can support yourself and that you can be happy, right?
46:49 So happiness is a big thing for us. There's all these things that come in that we get to model and we get to through language, just communicate with her. So I think that's the biggest.
46:59 And then the bigger, the big and the biggest. And the hardest thing for, at least for me guys, was actually walking your talk, right? Because Hey, I'm spending a lot of quality time, but am I really, well, I had to let go of the phone. All right, so now it's no phone with her and hours like me and my great aunt and my ideal, no, but it's getting better and better and our connection has grown like so much. So as long as she goes ask for daddy. No, no mommy. And like mommy's like what? Like what's it going, you know, it's a bit of a reversal and that can only happen when you make that investment. So you know Tim shows, you know, legacy. I think part of the legacy is
47:30 Actually living it and living it is me going to the gym with her, with Tina, we go to the gym sometimes together. We also run together, we play together. So these competitive things with her nurse salt on teaching her as we do things. But she's always seeing me do it. Me run my water bottle, all of that. Or you forgot your waiting list to go run. Oh yeah baby. Thank you. And so we do these things together and you know, we meditate together at times. So she's seeing me live it and that's been the biggest influence than anything I could say. And she's seeing me kinda like, I got this from you Tim, so thank you. Let's leave the freaking phone. Like stop that and just really be present. So now she's staying. All right. Dad used to have the phone, he doesn't have it here. Things like she's, it's confusing her like this, you know. So to me that's the biggest piece of legacy is, is what kind of dad you're going to be.
48:12 That's a powerful man. I mean it's, you know, it's not leaving treasure and money in a state to your kids. It's leaving the mindset, right? Leaving those principals leaving, you know, instilling in them to be better and to make an impact and make a positive, be a positive influence on society. And we can only do that if they're there watching us do that. Right? They're watching us make an impact. And just to your point, Ray, the whole time blocking thing, which is what I'm hearing you guys say, you guys block time for each other. You guys block time for Valentina. You don't double book with a podcast or with an appointment or with a phone call like you time block, just like we do in business. You time blocked for your family, you time block for your kids, your time for your spouse. And and that was a massive difference and a change in how I've structured my life and relationships are better and I've become more efficient in business because I'm not spending time wasting time on stupid stuff that's not urgent, not important, you know? And a dude, I just saw, I saw this thing the other day and it was like this little, this little girl, like a little toddler, you know, Penelope Valentine his age and there were some subtitles there and it said, [inaudible] I wish you stared at me and held me the same way that you hold your cell phone.
49:22 Oh wow,
49:23 Dude, how about that? Do it a little sad girl, a little sad Todd. And I'm like, Holy cow man. If that doesn't hit you right in the heart, like I don't know what does. So dude, you think about that, like how addicted are people to their self? Like just put it away. I, I've almost align my cell phone with like toxicity as if it's like it's toxic. It's like spreading disease when it's up against my phone or when I'm, when I was up against my ear or when I'm looking at it like, and because of correlated it was just like negativity and negative energy. I don't like being by like, so it's over here across my desk right now because I don't want it anywhere near me because it feels negative every time it's around because I've, I've trained myself to think that way. Obviously it's a necessary tool for business and life and all that kind of stuff. But man, it is, it is toxic when it comes to relationships. Right. And really connecting at a deeper level and and creating that awareness with the, with your family. So not 100%.
50:20 Mmm.
50:21 Well, like my final question was going to be what does legacy mean to you guys? But you guys already answered that, right? Yeah. Course. The anything that you can add or you want to add to to the whole legacy piece and you know, impact that you want to make on the world. Valentina and
50:36 I think beyond that it's like living it is then helping others in any way that we can. So I think that's why we decided to do the podcast and what, you know, we get these little text messages, Hey, I really enjoyed that. I'm changing this or I'm doing that differently. And just seeing that come to fruition with, with people that are listening or people that are watching because just like our kids are watching, everybody else is watching too. And I think it's important to just be able to share that for us at least to be able to show that even though sometimes it's, you know, it's extra work or it's uncomfortable or it's, it's whatever it is. I think just being able to, to have that impact on others and share anything and everything that we can is, is just,
51:13 It feels really good when you have the ability, you have the responsibility, right. And to document feels good to, like you mentioned your daughter, you know Penelope in Hudson looking at all your podcast and saying, dude, look at what that was doing. Look at the impact that it's making. And so like, it's almost like a selfish reason we're doing the podcast. It's like, it's great for us because like one day I know she's going to listen to it. It's like, well also that's, that's daddy, mommy living that. That's how they made a decision about that, you know? So it's been great for us. I love it, man. That's so good. Well
51:41 If you guys, any listeners out there, you gotta listen to both on board podcast. Ray and Kristi do an amazing job. They're both obviously individually amazing, incredible people. And as a couple, you guys are even better together and making a positive impact on the world. So I appreciate all the value you guys provide, all the value you guys convey and I'm just paying it forward and making an impact and being awesome individuals. So thank you guys for being on the show. And any last words?
52:07 Good. Thank you for having us.
52:08 So then you're adding us. We love you. You know, we feel about you man. We appreciate you. Even though we give you some shit, we love you. Likewise. I really love the be your best. I love that it's B, meaning not doing, it's B and a surpassed. You're not competing. You're not comparing. You want to be the [inaudible] to your best ability to live to your fullest potential. Let's see. I think you've lived the legacy and I think you're gonna leave your legacy.
52:32 I love it, man. I love it. Everybody that's a, that's a legacy. Relationships, real legacy. This is what it's really all about. So hope you guys have a ton of value. I know I got a ton of value, took a ton of notes personally and can't wait to share this to my wife and and I, and I would encourage anybody, share this with your spouse, right? And, and listen to this episode together. This is going to be something that's really impactful, really powerful for you. And then take the next step, you know, subscribe to both onboard Ray and Christie's podcast and plugging you guys do events once in a while too, don't you? Yeah,
53:04 We're, we're, we're figuring out what to do with both on board, but right now we're just adding value and serving the community and we're getting a lot of great feedback. So we'll figure that out over time. Right now we're just adding values. He'd be posted, man. Yeah, because it's, it's powerful stuff and really important stuff, especially for entrepreneurs who are trying to navigate this space. Christie Ray, love you guys. Thank you so much for me. Appreciate them. All right, thanks for hanging
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