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When you face obstacles and challenges, it’s easy to suppress your feelings and seek outside validation and comfort instead. Since you were a kid, you’ve been taught that you can find comfort in your suffering because of the coddle culture you live in.

But seeking comfort for your problems doesn’t solve them, it makes them worse. Growing up in a coddle culture actually makes it impossible to face and conquer your problems.

In this episode, I’m revealing how coddle culture ruins your ability to heal yourself. And how you can start to heal whatever pain, illness, or emotional trauma you’re currently dealing with.

Show highlights include:

  • Why you should celebrate when you get sick or are in pain (5:32)
  • The counterintuitive way taking pills to overcome your mental or physical illnesses robs your body from healing itself and prolongs suffering (7:35)
  • How suppressing your nasty emotions fools you into thinking you’ve conquered them (which makes them creep back into your life years later) (8:34)
  • The “Perception Method’ that nukes your fears that keeps you from solving your problems (13:10)
  • How coddle culture overloads your body with misery by making it seem like you’re perfectly comfortable (14:51)
  • The insidious way comforting someone prevents them from ever solving their issues (and how to help them instead) (16:02)
  • The “Spontaneous Remission Secret” that almost instantly eliminates all your pain, illness, and emotional trauma (18:35)

If you want to radically change how much control you have over your emotions in as little as 20 days, you can go to https://thefreedomspecialist.com/feelbetternow and sign up for the Choose Your Own Emotion course.

If you or somebody you know is looking to drop the ‘F’ Bomb of freedom in your life and break free from addiction, depression, anxiety or anything that’s making you feel flat-out stuck, head over to https://thefreedomspecialist.com/ and book a call where we can look at your unique situation and give you the roadmap you’ve been missing.

If you’d like to buy a copy of my book, Is That Even Possible?: The Nuts and Bolts of Energy Healing for the Curious, Wary, and Totally Bewildered, you can find it on Amazon here: https://www.amazon.com/That-Even-Possible-Healing-Bewildered/dp/1512336041

Read Full Transcript

It's time to rip the cover off what really works to ditch addiction, depression, anger, anxiety, and all other kinds of human suffering. No, not sobriety. We're talking the F-word here: Freedom. We'll share, straight from the trenches, what we have learned from leaving our own addictions behind, and coaching hundreds of others to do the same—and since it's such a heavy topic, we might as well have a good time while we're at it. [00:27.6]

Bob: Welcome back to another episode of the Alive and Free Podcast. Today, we're going to talk a little bit about the idea of suppression and, Oh my goodness, this is going to go a few different places guys. So, I hope you're sitting down or standing up or just excited to explore some possibilities of living a little bit more freely today. Sometime ago, 10 years ago, a client of ours, now he wasn't a client 10 years ago, but a client of ours was struggling with some things in his life. He was exhibiting certain behaviors and they, and he ended up getting on some anxiety medication. So, for 10 years he'd been, the anxiety medication helped him handle some things. He still had other struggles, he still had some other stuff and eventually came to us as a client and came to one of our retreats, two of our retreats, one to kind of volunteer and some other things. And he really just loved going through the processes. And a lot of things opened up for him in his life and he was able to shed all kinds of old root issues, emotional struggles and whatnot. And after the retreat, he came to the last one, he got rid of his anxiety medication and he was reporting to me how much freer he felt and how much more alive you've held in so many other things happening to him in his life. How many more possibilities there were. And he wasn't like doled down or anything by the medication. [01:45.8]

Now, I didn't know he was on anxiety medication or that he had gotten off of it, that was his own choice. And, and this has happened several times with clients who come to us in our events, where they come and they make these overarching life decisions. And then later on, they tell me, and I'm like, thank heavens they didn't ask me permission because I'd have to say, I'm not a doctor, I can't advise you on this. You know, go see your doctor first and all the other good jazz, but they don't. They make their own decisions like real grownup people. And so, he does this and he's reporting how much better he feels and that things are starting to come up for him. Well, I talked to his wife a little bit later and she starts telling me about how some stuff in their marriage has started to shift a little bit, because now there, some things have surfaced that she's like, Holy cow, this is something we were dealing with like 10 years ago. Oh my gosh, is this back. [02:32.6]

And for the first time, it became exceptionally clear to me a concept and a thought process I've had for a lot of years. And that is this idea of suppression. I want you to think back about Western society, Western medicine, as a whole. Somehow along the way, we came in this particular branch of the world to decide that there is a way that is the right way to live. A way that is the right way to look, a way that is right way to be, to think, to speak, to walk to all these other things. And that changes with popular trends over time. This happens in every society, to a certain extent, and particularly in the West, this is a huge thing. So, mankind at the time of the Renaissance and the enlightenment, and also at the time of Greek thought was really stepping up to say, Holy cow, we man really is incredible, man really is intelligent. We really know what we're doing. And so incredible technological advances have come, the advent of science and astronomy and, and philosophy and geometry, all these, these different mathematical sciences and all these things from man stepping up to like really explore what is possible for mankind and in the middle of it. None of that is bad, but in the middle of it comes this sneaky little judgment that I know what's best. [03:47.1]

I, as a human have decided what is okay and what is not okay. There is this grand intelligence of life that it seems to be holding the entire cosmos together. We're spinning around on a round planet, not flying off, not dying. And we're pretending we know all the different things that are there. The cosmos is beautiful. It knows how to operate every tree, every plant, every animal operating in very, very beautiful harmony with itself and with each other and here a human steps up and looks at some of it and goes, no, no, that's not okay. That's not okay. And with Western medicine in particular, we, we look at something and we're like, Ooh, that's not normal. And as soon as something is not normal or a deviation from the norm automatically, we look at it as bad. Think about it. If you've got a rash on your arm, would you be like, Oh, hallelujah. I love this. My body is literally getting rid of something. The skin is the last layer of things that this has to pass through before it's finally out of my system. Thank heavens that there is a massive intelligence that is causing all of this stuff to happen, where I don't have to sit here and dictate and script all of this stuff. Is that your reaction or is it more of a, Oh my gosh, no, a rash and Oh, do I need to put some makeup on this? Oh man, I look really bad. Oh, there's zits on my skin. Oh, there's all of these other things. Oh, I'm feeling sick today. And all of these things where like, Oh, this is bad. Oh, this is bad. [05:10.7]

Did you know that if you never got sick and the pathogens were in you, that it would be bad if you didn't get sick because getting sick is your body actually healing you? Did, you know, that pain is a body's response to helping you become aware of certain situations. And, and once you get really in tune with the body pain, doesn't have to be the response, other things can happen. But did you know that all the things that you think are illnesses are actually the body actually doing its work? Did you know that? That somehow life has this grand intelligence and understands when to cause inflammation, when to not cause inflammation, when to create cold, chills and hot flashes when to spike a fever, when to shut down and make it so that you're not hungry so that you don't eat, when to have inflammation of the sinus cavity so that you can't breathe as well, that you get a different CO2 level into your system. Did you know that life is operating with way more intelligence that you and I have? Have you comprehended that yet? Do you know how to split and divide a cell? Do you understand? Look, you think you're raising your hand, right? You raise your hand. Boom. Did you actually fire every single neuron and every single muscle fiber to make that happen? No. You had an intention and it magically happened for you and yet you and I sometimes so often easily overlook all the magic that happened in the middle, all the miracle that happened in the middle. And we think we did it. [06:29.4]

And with that type of hubris, that type of arrogance, we look at health and we determine what's healthy. And the crazy part is how are we determining what's healthy, but by taking an average of all of the people that we deem healthy, and we say, well, somewhere in here. What if the somewhere in here, even though it seems healthy right now is actually suboptimal? Hmm…we’re, we're, especially in the U S we're studying a bunch of chronically underfed, under slept, malnourished stressed out pathologically hurried and distracted human beings. We're not actually studying people with vibrant health, most of the time. And we're saying, Oh, no, this level is fine or that level is fine. And all of these different things, body mass index has changed over time. Not too long ago, it was like for a first six-foot-tall person, a hundred and I think 60 pounds was typical. And now it's like 270, something like that. It's much, much more that we're saying, Oh no, this is within the acceptable range. We've changed our measurements because of who we're measuring. But is that the way the human body and system are designed? No. [07:34.6]

So here we come to Western medicine, think about every pill that's there. And, and in some fashion, every pill that's used is a form of suppressing nature's response. Even if you're trying to take a pill to stimulate something, you're trying to suppress. For instance, I want more adrenaline in the system or let's stimulate labor. What we are doing is suppressing the natural response that's happening in the system. That's saying slow down, we're saying, no, no speed up. When it speeds up, or it gets inflamed, we're saying, no, no, slow down, slow down. Don't don't do that. And so, when we're there's inflammation in the system, we try to get rid of inflammation and swelling, when there's this, that, or the, it doesn't matter what it is. If there's a fever, we try to bring the fever down. If there's a cough, you know, we try to suppress the cough. If there's nausea, indigestion, we try to make sure that that goes away. If there's a negative emotion, we try to suppress it with mood stabilizers. All the pills are doing is adding chemistry from the outside to the inside so that we can suppress the natural internal actions of what's going on. And what that's doing is prolonging suffering. [08:34.9]

This man that came to us, there were things he was going through that his body and mind were bringing to the surface 10 years ago. And then he got onto mood stablers stabilizers and suppressed that whole thing and thought it was gone. And then once those mood stabilizers leave, finally, the body's in a space work and bring that back the surface again. So, tell me, was he actually free of it? No. He had just put it in a drawer where he didn't have to look at it. The body was still dealing with it, but he'd found a way to shut off the lights on the dashboard so that he didn't have to deal with, Oh, maybe we need some new oil, Oh the engine coolant is low up, Oh check engine, maybe there's some problem there. Oh, time for a timing belt change. Nope. I'd rather not know about it. And then comes the crash somewhere later down the line. [09:26.6]

So, we live in a society of suppression and we've forgotten just how intelligent life is. Now, it's not just in medicine, we do this with children all the time. How, how many times has it happened to you as a kid? Or have you done to other children? You want him to sh shush be quiet. You're not supposed to do that here. That's inappropriate. No, that's not okay. And we do this, not just the children, but to people all over the place, trying to suppress their opinions, their thoughts, their ideas, their behaviors, their noise, their smells, everything trying to suppress it. We have this idea of a picture-perfect outside and on the inside is what Jesus would have called a sepulcher. On the outside, it's beautifully repainted on the inside, nothing but rotting, death and flesh. That's it. That's all that's on the inside because we're busy saying only the outside matters. Only the veneer manners. And there are a lot of people that look exceptionally healthy, but are suffering from dangerous levels of organ failure and visceral fat and other types of toxins inside of their system and cancers and other things that on the outside, you'd be like, Oh my gosh, he looked so healthy. [10:30.6]

Have you ever considered that perhaps a person sneezing is a healthy person? Have you ever consider that a, perhaps a person who's down with a fever who has a runny nose is a healthy person? Because it means their body is actually working for them. And the more we're trying to suppress it and shoo them away, that doesn't mean it's not wise to steer clear of it because their body is healthily going through a process of cleansing. They did this in ancient Israel, right? There was, if you were unclean ritually, then you'd have to stay outside the camp for a bit and then come back in. So, this was something that's normally happened. It's not that it's unwise, but as soon as we start seeing it as unhealthy, we have this massive, massive problem. Now, why would we do this? Why would we in the beginning start to suppress things. And for the first time you have to start to look at, okay, cool, as soon as I decided that, what I think and what I feel is more important than if life shows up differently than what I think and what I feel. I can't handle that. It comes out of fear. If someone comes up to my face and calls me some nasty name, or pulls a gun on me or anything else, and I got to fight that off it's because of fear. It doesn't mean it's not wise to fight it off, but a fear of being hurt or a fear of hurting other people, or a fear of not being able to handle things. This is why we suppressed up. Think back into your own life. What are the things that are your pet peeves, the things you try to get other people not to do? What are the political rants you go on that you're busy decrying, why other people say things or do things or all that other stuff? What are the things that you can't stand? And why are you trying to suppress them? What would happen if they were allowed to be in your life? What would that mean about you? [12:10.6]

Oh, no, I'm not having the picture-perfect life of my neighbor. Oh no, well then, I would never be happy again. Do you actually know that? That's a story you made up? Do you actually know that? No, you don't. You don't know the future any more than I know the future. None of us are here predicting things. It's really easy to protect, predict something, that's going to come a hundred years from now or 200 years from now because you don't have to be around to like see whether or not it was accurate. It's really easy to make vague predictions about general things that might, could happen sometime in the future. But if we're talking about what’s actually going to happen in your life, if you really look at it, you and I don't know anything that's going to happen in the future, but our fears are teaching us that we do. And so, we suppress it. Now, these fears come out of survival instincts, right? Look, I don't want to go to a dangerous spot and get hurt. And so predicting in that sense, Oh, that might be a dangerous spot there or there or there that's a healthy survival instinct and your prediction still isn't clear perception of what's actually happening. [13:09.6]

Perception, trumps prediction every time. If you can clearly see what's there, you no longer have to fear it. You'll just deal with it. And if you can't deal with it, then that'll be the end of things and that'll be the end of the problem. But if you can deal with it, you'll deal with it the best way that you know, how, and there's no need to suppress it. The only way to perceive what's happening is to let it in, not to shut it off. If you want to really know what's happening with your body and your physical health, you need to actually listen to the pain, listen to the discomfort, listen to the emotion, listen to the thoughts so that you can actually perceive what's there and keep looking until you can really see what's at the bottom of it. But the minute you shut it off is what you're teaching your system is. I can't handle this. And so, then your system forms to match that belief and that thought. Do you want to go through life with your body, playing out the story that you can't handle this, that you're a victim, that you're not strong enough, do you? [14:10.8]

If you or someone you know is looking to drop the F-bomb of “Freedom” in their life, whether that's from past trauma, depression, anxiety, addiction, or any other host of emotional and personal struggles, but they just don't know how or wants some help doing it. Head on over to thefreedomspecialist.com/feelbetternow and check out some of the things we've got in store for you or book a call so we can look at your unique situation and get you the help that you're looking for. [14:38.8]

Here's one of the things I've noticed that in healing and in emotional healing and trauma release and all the other things, the most powerful things I've ever seen happen are not when we coddle someone. So, we live in this weird coddle culture where when someone's suffering, we run up to them and we pat them on the back and we say, it's okay. That everything's going to be okay. And do you know what that message is? It's all gonna be okay, that you're suffering. It's okay, that you're struggling. It's okay. It's okay. And what we learn when we receive that coddling is, Oh, I get comfort when I'm struggling. And so, we learn a behavior to struggle when we're looking for comfort happens all the time. How many times do you go and brag about how hard work you did? I see it all the time on Facebook and I used to do this a lot and I don't anymore because it's meaningless to me now. But like why, what does hard work? What does that even mean? [15:36.0]

There's just the actions taken, whether it's easy or hard, it has to do with your relationship to it. And you and I have learned that if I say it's hard, work, people praise us for the hard work, even if the results didn't come. If I want praise, I can say how hard I worked and I can get comfort and praise and relief. And people can run to my aid and sucker me because of how hard I've been working and how hard my life is and all of these things, but it doesn't change the nature of my life. And we've learned to manipulate people this way. Guess what? When you call someone, what you actually do is prolong their suffering. It doesn't mean don't feel grief when they grieve. It doesn't mean don't mourn with them, if they're mourning. Doesn't mean any of that, but going up and telling them it's okay, going up and telling them, Oh, we can fix this going up and telling them, no, no, you'll be fine. Everything will work out, going up and like painting a silver lining around it, isn't actually going to do anything for it. Because what has to happen is not that they fix anything but that they discover their strength in that situation. And when they discover their strengths, suddenly it's not a problem anymore. [16:39.0]

The first step to problem-solving is to stop seeing it as a problem. Then all you're looking at is information and you can always deal with information. If I'm standing on top of a mountain and I'm going to go down a mountain, and I may have said this before. You're looking at a bunch of moguls to ski down, my son looks at this and thinks he's going to die. I look at it and I go, Hm, there's a jump there, and that's, that should be fun there, and this is the way I'm going to go there. It's just information. Your relationship to that information, that's all that is. It has nothing to do with what's there. And as soon as you stop seeing the mountain as a problem, as soon as you stop seeing your life as a problem, as soon as you stop seeing your pain, your health issues, your even addiction as a problem, then you can start to see what's actually there. And when you can see what's there, you can actually do something with it. Because right now, if it's a problem to you, you're swinging in the dark. You can't see everything that's there because you're filled with all kinds of horror stories about what it, what it is and what it's going to do to your life and what the future is going to be like. And all that stuff is blinding you to what's actually in front of you. [17:39.8]

Imagine putting a blindfold on someone and then saying, okay, cool. Like, let's say your husband or wife is dealing with an addiction thing and you give them all these stories and you blind them with these stories. And then you tell them it's their job to go find a way out. That's like blindfolding someone and telling them to drive to the store and pick up a box of instant coffee or something, and then drive back home. Are you really going to do that? Are you expecting that their mentalist powers are so good that they're going to be able to see the road through the blindfold? Hmm…hmmm…hmmm. Really, really? No. But we do that with each other all the time. And we coddle each other in our struggles, in our pain. We go, and we think that comforting someone is the best thing to do. It isn't, being with them as powerful, being with them without judgment, without requiring that they be any different than they are super powerful. Because in that space, you don't rob them of the discovery of the strength that they've always had, but didn't know they had. With immunological stuff, what I've seen, and this doesn't mean it happens in all cases, but what I've seen, especially with spontaneous remissions and a lot of these other things is that when the body discovers its own strength, the illness goes away. When the body discovers its own strength, the illness goes away the same with emotional trauma. When the person discovers their own strength, the, the trauma just goes away. It's no longer an issue. It's only been an issue because the person believed they couldn't handle it. But as soon as the person is like, Oh, okay, now, no big deal. I'm fine. Then all of a sudden, the trauma goes away. [19:03.9]

Nothing changed about a person's past history, but they've discovered their strength. They discovered that they could handle it all along. They discovered that there's nothing wrong with them. We discovered it's not actually a problem. And so now they can navigate it quite easily. And a lot of the processes we take people through with this are breath oriented and physical tissue, body opening stuff, some really intense body training techniques and movement stuff, and martial arts sometimes and meditative things. And a lot of it is not verbal because to discover strength, you can't do that by talking through it. When you discover strength, it has to be an experience that happens. And that's why we run these retreats so that people can do that so that they can stop suppressing what they are calling the problem. And they can step up and start to see that the solution was already in them, that the strength was already there. They just hadn't discovered it and they didn't know how to use it. There's a big difference there. So, as we rounding out this discussion around suppression and the coddle culture that exists in our society today, I just want you to take a step back and look at it. When you've gone and rescued your kids from their struggles, Oh, it's going to be okay. Everything's fine. It's okay. Did they discover that everything's fine? Or did you smother their reaction with your attempts to comfort them and do those same kids keep coming to you every time they get hurt? It's not that we don't want them there, but everything I do as a parent, if at least if I'm conscious of it is an attempt to help my kids discover their intelligence, their capacity, their strength, their joy, and they don't need me. [20:42.7]

They only have 18 years ish with me anyway. And they have learned through those 18 years that they need me, that they need my guidance, that they need my help, that they need my strength, that they need my wisdom. If they've discovered that over those years, then when they go out into the world, they're going to keep needing me. But if they discover in those 18 years that they don't need me, that instead they get to have me around and they can enjoy that and we can have a good friendship, but that they don't actually need me. Then when they go out into the world, they won't need me either. And that means there'll be capable and able to function and able to learn and able to adapt. And that has come from not smothering their responses. They're allowed to be mad. They're allowed to be upset. They're allowed to be angry. They're allowed to be joyful. They're allowed to be loud and I can tell them what I prefer and don't prefer. And I can ask them to do different things, but I'm not going to sit here and pretend that, Oh, no, this is the right way to live or the right way to be or the right way to look. Because as soon as I do that, all the kids learn is that who they are, what they were born as is not good enough. [21:46.9]

So, for a second, think about all the things that have been suppressed in your life, all the physiological things that have happened. How many times do you want to stop the headache? What if the headache is intelligence at its highest peak, working through something for you? How many times do you want to stop the pain in your body? It doesn't mean don't be wise. It doesn't mean, you know, don't make sure that you can handle stuff. Of course not. I mean, medicine's been around as long as mankind's been around too, but how much of it are we just busy suppressing because we don't like it or because it's uncomfortable or because we're afraid of things? By the same token, suppressing your opinion, suppressing your thought processes, suppressing your emotion. When you suppress something, eventually it's going to have to come out. And if it doesn't come out the way that it wants to come out, it's going to find another way. Life always wins. Eventually something will happen and you can prolong that process as much as you want. It's just like electricity, when there's no resistance in the wire, there's no heat really. When the more resistance there is in the wire, the more heat. So you can just go really quickly or you can burn slowly. You'll still get, their life will always win, but it'll be a slower burn with a lot more friction in it. And that comes from suppression. [23:01.7]

I'll just end with this thought who you are, who your kids are, who your friends are, who I am, we were born to be us. No one else. I said this last time, there's nothing that needs to be suppressed. You can still learn to dance with what you are in amazing ways and have profound experiences with it. But the minute you're suppressing it, the minute you're judging anything, that's happening in your life as that's not okay, is the minute you're going to want to shut it off and suppress it. And in that minute, you are teaching yourself that you can't handle life. And maybe just, maybe that's where a lot of the struggles and the worries and concerns and fears you have come from, because inadvertently you taught yourself that you can't it when all along the strength has been there, you just forgot to look. [23:49.2]

And that's it for todays “Alive and Free Podcast.” If you enjoyed this show and want some more freedom bombs landing in your ear buds, subscribe right now at wherever you get your podcasts from. And, while you're at it, give us a rating and a review. It'll help us keep delivering great stuff to you. Plus, it's just nice to be nice. [24:07.1]

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