It's time to rip the cover off what really works to ditch addiction, depression, anger, anxiety, and all other kinds of human suffering. No, not sobriety. We're talking the F-word here: Freedom. We'll share, straight from the trenches, what we have learned from leaving our own addictions behind, and coaching hundreds of others to do the same—and since it's such a heavy topic, we might as well have a good time while we're at it. [00:27.6]
Bob: All right today, we're going to take this totally different direction on the podcast. You know, a lot of times in the past, I've talked a lot about things to do in order to be able to freely free yourself of depression or anxiety or addiction or PTSD or OCD or mental health issues or things like that. What are action items, things that you can do in order to do it. And in the middle of that, it can sound like what I'm saying is, Hey, you're going to heal yourself. And so, what I want to do is take a step back today and give a little bit of a, a really a reverence, so to speak, or a very respectful nod to the fact that neither you, nor I is healing. Anybody doctors, you know, they go into the hospital and let's say someone has a cut in their arm. And they stitch up the arm. The doctor can do everything they want to in order to put that together, but they can stitch it up. They can do everything, but the doctor isn't the one that's regrowing, the blood cells, the skin cells or anything else, neither is the person. There is some life, some intelligence inside that being that is creating that constant flourishing and that constant growth. So that skin cells are being replaced once a month. So that liver cells and all these other bone cells and whatnot, so that over the course of a few years, your body has an entirely different set of cells, right? This isn't coming from you or I, or our personalities or personas or the things that we've built. This is coming from an intelligence far deeper. [01:57.4]
So, then the question arises like, well, okay, cool. If I'm not the one doing the healing, then what are all these things you're telling me to do Bob? What's the point of this? And so, I wanted to talk about that a little bit today, because I think it's important to recognize that there are things that you and I, activities you and I can do that can promote, or put us in a space where tremendous internal shifts can happen, but that you and I do not make those shifts happen. And that the more you and I try to force that shift to happen, if you've ever tried this in like coaching spaces and entrepreneurship or in business or in relationships where you're trying to force your relationship to be a, some something or anything like that, the more you try to force it, the more problematic it gets. The more you keep seeing it as a problem, the more other parts of your relationship fade away and then you just end up focused on this one area that you're trying to “fix” number a couple of weeks ago. What if there's nothing to fix, right? There's nothing that you and I can do about the main core underlying things, partly because one, there's nothing wrong with you. We're just looking at life circumstances, including your thoughts and your, your feelings. And two that, the fixing, the shifts that are happening on the inside, they come from a very, very different place. [03:05.2]
So, there was an old master Zen master in Japan. He was a, I mean, relatively recently, he died recently. He's got a book out, you know, where there was a book written about him. And there was another book, a man, a German philosopher by the name of Eugen Herrigel, he was a German. He studied philosophy was really deeply interested in Zen and these mystical philosophies about life, but studying them, like you study in the West intellectually trying to wrap your brain around it didn't, he couldn't make heads or tails of it. He couldn't understand the situation or the significance of it. It didn't make any sense to him. And so, he had an opportunity to go to, I think it was Kyoto in Japan and teach at the university there. And while there, he was like, I'm going to get into Zen. I'm going to like figure this thing out from the inside. And so, there was another teacher there that he knew was into it and he asked him if he could introduce him or get him started. And the guy's like hmmm… no, you probably don't want to start with Zen itself, but maybe you want to start with one of the arts or practices or, or hobbies that have been affected by Zen. [04:06.2]
So, he got him into archery and he wrote the book, Eugen Herrigel, he wrote the book Zen in the Art of Archery. And it is a short book. It's definitely one of my, I've read it a couple of times, maybe three times in my life so far. And I don't re read books that often it's like 90 ish pages that at least the version I have. And it's a very candid look at some guy from the West, trying to figure out what these people are talking about when they're talking about like the Dow or they're talking about this great union with whatever. And that, that the Sage does nothing and yet everything is accomplished. And all of these really paradoxical phrases that he didn't seem to get. And he's trying to come to real terms with it, through his attempts to figure out archery. And so, he goes in and for the first time, he was there for like six years, right. He goes there for the first like year or something, and it's just learning to string the freaking bow. [05:03.4]
And when he finally gets the bow, right, then he, then he's able to pull it. And his job is to hold it at the point of highest tension without like struggling, you know, so that he can just sit there and hold and wait and tow and wait forever if needed until the time is right for the bow to be shocked. And he’s struggling and struggling and struggling, and it's not happening. And finally, when it's just like his master picks him up, Kenzo Awa, picks up the bow and holds it out and his arms are like just totally relaxed and loose where Eugen’s arms are like strong, like shaking and straining of all sorts. And he can't figure out what's going on until finally the master then teaches him some simple breathing techniques, until he learns a simple breathing technique that he's to practice and practice breathing in a certain way during the process. And when he finally starts doing it, things start to get a little easier. And so, he turns his friend and he's like, why didn't he teach me the breathing first? And his friend says, because in this tradition, the teacher takes his teaching very seriously. And he knows that if he gave you the life raft before you started to struggle, you would've tossed it out as not worth anything. And you wouldn't have used it, but he needed to get you to the place where you were struggling so that you would finally use this simple little tool. [06:19.5]
And that struck me kind of hard as I read it. And then he moves on and he goes on and he's talking, he starts to let go of the bow. Right. And he's trying to figure out how to let the bow go completely natural as, as his hand glides back and whatnot, because he sees his master do it, but he can't get it. So, he takes his boat with him on a vacation and he figures out this little trick, maybe from his rifle shooting years or whatever. But he figures out this little trick that makes it seem like it happens on purpose, if he holds the string a certain way. And he gets back and he shoots it, this one time and the master looks at him a little surprised. And then he says, do it again. And as he does it again, like the master catches him and he grabs the bow turns and kneels down and faces away from him on the, on the, on the mat as like you're disgraced and you'll no longer be my student. So, he had to fight to get his way back and like really beg and plead and say, look, he was just trying to figure this out. And, and, and that was his big issue. [07:15.1]
And he's like, no, it shoots, it shoots. You don't shoot it shoots. When that happens, then you'll be on the right path. Right. And so, he's like, okay, well, one day he gets it. And he's surprised he doesn't realize what has happened but the masters like, no, no, it shoots. And then he starts to celebrate, Eugen starts to celebrate. And the master is like, no, no, you didn't do it. It shot, it happened on its own. It was not you, there was no you there. Right? So, we don't celebrate. And so, we're not going to shoot any more today because we don't want to spoil what happened. And so, it starts happening more often. And then he's, he's not even aiming and he can't hit it to the target. And there's all of these different, amazing, incredible lessons that he learns. And one day, he goes to his master's house cause he's like, look, if, if I'm not the one aiming then and shooting that, if it's happening naturally on its own, then I should be able to hit the bullseye in the dark. So, he hasn't come over and set up a candle like in the middle of the course so that everything behind the candle is really blacked out. All the lights are out and he fires the first arrow. The Kenzo Awa does, the master does, and they hear it hit. And then quickly, right after that, he fires a second arrow. And then they go over and look at it. And the first arrow was buried in the dead center of the bullseye. And he says, now maybe, maybe the first area you would say, well, this is his practice arena. He knows it. Well, he knows how far it is, but he says, what about the second one? [08:41.0]
The second arrow had split the butt of the first arrow and driven all the way into the thing as well. And this completely astounded Eugen because it was at a level of skill and ability that I've seen on different programs. And I've trained with people who do incredible, amazing things, but he hadn't seen it before. And it was in pitch black. It was totally dark. And everything that the masters trying to teach him is that it's not him. He has to get his own personality out of the way for it to happen. I would submit to you that that's the same thing that has to happen with all of the other stuff. All of the other things you and I are trying to change in our life. All of the emotional struggles, the stress, the strain, the anxiety, the depression, all of the addictions and relationship struggles and everything else that the problem arises when our personality is in the way, when we're busy trying to be an individual. Cause an individual is separate from everything that's there. You want to have a relationship where you're one with your wife, but you're busy asserting your individuality. It doesn't mean you have to do the same thing all the time, but it's when your personality shows up. And now your personality disappears from time to time. It's not like you haven't had an experience like this. [09:53.5]
Just think back to the times when you're playing sports and you're so wrapped up in something. The other day I was sitting there and I was playing Jenga with my son, and we got to the point where there was literally no more blocks that could be taken out, but one from like the very second row. And it was teetering and it was precarious. And the whole time, like there was no thought of, this is me. This is who I am. This is my personality. This is my identity. This is what it's going to mean about me if I win this. I was so wrapped up in trying to make sure that it balanced, right. And that we got to the next thing, that there was no personality in it and life was glorious and it was incredible. And it's the best I've ever done in Jenga. And it was absolutely amazing. And that happened because my personality was out of the way. As soon as my personality gets in the way, Oh no, I got to win. I got to do this. Then my heart skips a beat or that I'm worried about it. Or I'm irritated when someone takes a long time or they're picking the wrong piece. And I have all these emotional strains and struggles. It's who I am, my personality, my thoughts and opinions that get in the way. [10:51.3]
And do I still struggle with this my dear listener? Yes, of course. I mean, struggle, I guess is probably a hard word. Does it still occur in my life where I judge somebody or something is not the way it should be and then I suffer because of it. Yeah, because that's associated with me in the moments where there's no judgment, like where things are just happening, there's so much joy and there's so much ease and I can still do what's needed to help people as a, as, as a coach or to work or run a business or to do things for the family. I can still do all those things even when my personality is not like something, I'm busy trying to protect, like we talked about, and then nothing to fix episode. [11:33.9]
If you or someone you know is looking to drop the F-bomb of “Freedom” in their life, whether that's from past trauma, depression, anxiety, addiction, or any other host of emotional and personal struggles, but they just don't know how or wants some help doing it. Head on over to thefreedomspecialist.com/feelbetternow and check out some of the things we've got in store for you or book a call so we can look at your unique situation and get you the help that you're looking for. [12:01.7]
So, what happens then? Here we are, we're going along and we're trying to solve these big issues, right? Here's one issue, Oh, I have an addiction or I have a struggle or I have some emotional struggles. And you go and you go and you go and you try everything under the sun, just like Eugen did with the bow. He's trying to figure it out. And he's struggling like no to no end to try and just hold the bow open, let alone, put an arrow, arrow into it and shoot and all that other stuff. Right? So, he's just struggling, struggling, struggling, like you have, like I have in my life trying to figure things out, beating our heads against the wall, trying medications, maybe trying different programs and all kinds of other stuff. We're beating our heads against it, doing everything we know how to do until finally someone teaches us a simple method. [12:47.3]
Now the method in his case was breathing and it helped him to kind of clear his mind of some things and to get him into a different space to where he could do this stuff, right? The method could be any number of things. If you read any of these old histories of masters, doing things, it ranges from smacking them with wooden sticks, to teaching them, to breathe, to having a meditate, to like cutting off arms and to like going out and chasing a Wolf away like , you name it. Whatever the master is trying to facilitate, they're going to use whatever means is at their disposal. So finally, finally, someone gives you a little lifeline. Now what's the lifeline that we give our clients? [13:26.2]
Well, the very first thing we teach them of many different little duals is to breathe, right. It's a simple, effective way of breathing that starts to shift internal states and energetic things that are going on inside the system so that bit by bit it accumulates and something else is possible. This something else is incredible. We had a guy who was 13 days in. 13 days and he sent me a note and he said, I don't know if this is normal, or if you're going to talk about this later. But I was just sitting here chilling on the couch in the middle of the day. And all of a sudden, this tremendous happiness just happened all out of the blue. And it feels like, like excitement, but at the same time, a little bit of like sexual afterglow. It's an incredible feeling. And it lasted for an hour straight. And now like several hours later, it's still like, I still feel really good about it. He didn't do that. He didn't do anything to create that experience. But he had been following along with the simple things that we had taught him. He had taken the little lifeline, the little life preserver that we'd given him a breathing method. And then a couple of other things that we just add on one step at a time through our initial course of choose your own emotion. [14:38.1]
And all of a sudden, things started happening. Do they happen this quickly for everyone? No. There are people that we get started with things and they still want to beat their heads against the wall. And they get on in the very beginning, they're like, don't tell me to breathe, don't tell me to do, you can't just tell me that breathing is going to change everything. They refuse to accept the life raft cause it sounds stupid because they still believe that they're, they're not at a point with their problems that they're willing to accept that they don't know the answer, that they don't have a way out, that they don't know what to do. They still want to believe that they're in control and can do the thing that they get it, that they understand it. No, I've been working at this for years and I get it and I've just got to figure this out. And they want to be the ones that get the glory for fixing it. Even though they're not the ones that created their mind and the body and in the first place. And they're not the ones that understand how to divide cells and reproduce and all the other stuff that they're literally just, they're not the ones that have been in charge in the first place of building a good life, but they still want to be the ones that fix it that deliberately somehow make it happen. It's like they almost want to be able to reach in and command each and every individual neuron in their brain and tell it what to do. [15:46.5]
But if we gave them the ability to do that, they wouldn't know what to make of it because the only thing they want in life is to get rid of some part of their life. They wouldn't know how to build a life where that thing isn't a part of it. They wouldn't know how to do that. They'd run out of ideas really quickly because there's a greater intelligence inside of you and me that does these things. It really does. So, the lifeline would give in this case, and that Eugen was given, was a breathing method. And all of a sudden bit by bit step-by-step that started to produce a situation inside of him where a change could happen within him. Did he make the change? No. He didn't make the change. It shot. It happened. It happened in spite of all of his attempts to do anything otherwise. [16:33.1]
And that's what happens with freedom hap that's what happens with freedom from addiction, from depression, from anxiety, from all these other things. That there are certain little life preservers sit in certain little life breaths, certain little techniques that can be done if done consistently or effectively in certain ways, they produce a situation where the other thing can happen on its own, where freedom from addiction can happen on its own. I'm sitting here like eight years out. Like I don't have the temptation to go look at porn. I don't have the temptation to go shoplifting. I don't have the temptation to do this. It's not a struggle. It's not a fight. It's not one day at a time. It's not, well, every day is going to be a battle. And every day in every man's battle, it's not any of that. This is literally like, Whoa, my mind and body are producing happiness on their own because I learned a couple of really cool little life preserving tricks. [17:22.8]
I don't produce the happiness. I remember the first time this happened to me, I was sitting on the roof, watching the sunset, which like I've said before and if you're really in the doldrums and you don't even have the motivation to do anything, this was my first appointment I made with myself that every day I was just going to watch the sunset. So, the 20 minutes before the sun went down, I was up on the roof, just sitting there watching. And that little practice started doing things for me. So, I was sitting up there one day and I had started doing some other things, some breathing things, a couple of other things in my life. Just simple because I really didn't have the capacity to do a lot. And one day I was sitting up there and this wave of pure ecstatic, amazing happiness flooded through my body and connected me in a way with the rest of I'm going to say this, and you guys are gonna make a fantasy out of it and it's not going to be what actually happened to me. So, be careful of the fantasy part, right? People say things and then we imagine what it is that they mean. And then when they happened to us, we're like, Oh, that, Oh, that's not what I thought he meant. [18:22.9]
So be careful with this, but like this very, very subtle, soft, incredible pervasive feeling of happiness just flooded through my entire body, through my mind, through my liver, through everything. And it felt like I was connected to the trees and to all of creation in this really deeply intimate way. And I just burst into tears and nothing had happened. I was just sitting on the roof and all of a sudden, a wave of happiness just hit me like nobody's business. And this has happened many, many times. And the most fulfilling times are the ones when I'm not busy, trying to make it happen. It's the ones where they just happen on their own. And we've had many clients write to us and say that things like this have happened is the way that we do things the only way it can happen, obviously not. I mean, there's billions of people on the planet, different temperaments, different ways of seeing you got to find one that works for you. But ultimately it comes down to this. [19:16.8]
If you're trying to take responsibility for doing something, that's not your job, you're only going to resent it. You're going to hate every minute of it and you're going to feel incapable and you're going to feel frustrated. If you're trying to do your wife's work or your kids' work for them, you're going to be frustrated with them for not doing it. You're going to be upset at them for not doing it the right way. They're going to resent you and a whole nasty relationship is going to show up, especially if it keeps going on. Well, the same thing happens with life. It is not your job to flower, to blossom, to grow. There is some life inside you and I, that is designed to do that. Our job is to get out of the way to stop preventing it. And there are certain things that you can do that lay the foundation or groundwork, or create a good environment so that that blossoming can happen. [20:11.5]
In spiritual circles, flowers have always been a really powerful metaphor because on some level flowers are superfluous. Humans love to have them around, but we don't necessarily benefit in a very direct one to one way by flowers and yet the fragrance is beautiful. Yes, they attract bugs and whatnot, but it's this beautiful thing that we like to keep around, right? It has a smell and, and you know, the colors and whatnot brings something to life. And these flowers have been symbols of spiritual growth for a long time. You and I don't know how to grow flowers. Like we know how to like water them and give them soil and sunlight and the right amounts of those types of things. We may have observed that they do well in those circumstances, but what actually grows the flower? There's an intelligence in there that's far greater than you or I, and it's that intelligence is job to, to grow the flower at its own pace and its own chime and its own choice. And all we can do is provide the environment and wait, then that's it. [21:13.9]
And so, when you're trying to get over things like addiction and depression and anxiety, I want you to consider the possibility that it isn't your job to fix it. It's not your job at all that it's already on its way trying to be fixed. And the best thing you can do to, to allow that to happen is finally give up trying to be the one that's forcing it to happen and start doing simple little things that create a situation or a circumstance so that it can finally happen on its own without you or I interfering. And the beautiful part about that is when you and I don't have to interfere in it, when it happens by itself, then what that means is you and I don't have to maintain it either. You don't have to fight it all the time. You don't have to keep producing it. It's not your job. It's not your job at all. Your only job is to just go live a happy life, right? Create the environment where it can blossom on its own and stop trying to do the work that isn't yours. I know that this kind of sounds like it flies in the face of a lot of the things that we've talked about on this podcast about things you can do that produce it retraining the nervous system and stuff, but those are all just like the breathing technique that Eugen learned from his Master, Kenzo Awa, it shoots. There is something, some divine intelligence inside of you and whatever you want to call that inside of you and I, that is doing all of the growing and all of the living right now and all you and I need to do is make an environment where it can blossom and discover what’s there. And maybe, maybe just maybe we'll discover that there was never anything to fix in the first place. It was just that it hadn’t blossomed yet. [22:53.7]
And that's it for todays “Alive and Free Podcast.” If you enjoyed this show and want some more freedom bombs landing in your ear buds, subscribe right now at wherever you get your podcasts from. And, while you're at it, give us a rating and a review. It'll help us keep delivering great stuff to you. Plus, it's just nice to be nice. [23:11.8]
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