It's time to rip the cover off what really works to ditch addiction, depression, anger, anxiety, and all other kinds of human suffering. No, not sobriety. We're talking the F-word here: Freedom. We'll share, straight from the trenches, what we have learned from leaving our own addictions behind, and coaching hundreds of others to do the same—and since it's such a heavy topic, we might as well have a good time while we're at it. [00:27.6]
Bob: Welcome back guys. Today, we are going to break some taboos. We are going to discuss some things that are on the more sort of not graphic side, but on the side that most people don't want to talk about because they use words like orgasm that, you know, in a normal conversation turn heads. And so not a lot of people get a lot of information around this. If you think about it, you know, when you were a kid, how much, just very clear, straight talk did you get from your parents about all the things, all the little bits and pieces and parts associated with sexual relationships and intimacy and the pleasure and the pain and all of the, all of the different parts of it. How much did you get? I got nothing. I learned some stuff from Doogie Howser, the TV show. If those of you that remember that one, I learned by listening to my friends, quips as if sixth graders and fifth graders and fourth graders knew anything that they were talking about. But boy did I believe it because they spoke it with confidence. [01:28.6]
Something that I've shared with my kids recently, where you had to have a conversation with my oldest son about dating and rules, he was going to set for his own dating experience, what did he want to do about it? And I said, can I just offer one piece of advice? He's like, sure. I said; just remember that your friends don't know anything that they're talking about. You know, he's 14. I said, look, none of them have been there. None of them understand it. They don't know what it's like to have a relationship. They don't know all the ins and outs of it. So when they're telling you stuff, as if they know, just remember that they don't have a clue any more than you do. And I just wanted to put him in his place that's way. So where he's growing up, he's got no line of information except for what I'm sharing with him, which is probably way more graphic than, or direct than most people share with their kids. Although I know a lot of parents that are very, very open with their kids. He's come to help at the events and the retreats we do to help people. And there's a lot of guys that we work with at our men's retreats that have been dealing with porn and sex addiction. So there's a lot of open talk there. [02:22.4]
But when I was growing up and likely when you were growing up there, wasn't a lot of information out there. It wasn't like you could just felt really comfortable. Hey mom, what's an orgasm? Hey dad, what do you think about orgasm and ejaculation? Yes. I just said that on the air. It's not like that felt comfortable. In fact, I was really uncomfortable now because my dad couldn't have answered the question. It's not like he was primed though, with a lot of the ways of talking about it that made both people feel really comfortable. He didn't have a clue. So he did the best that he knew how, and that's great. It's wonderful. It taught me some things for sure, but it may not be the best way to open it up. So I want to open up this topic of orgasm today by talking about something a little bit off the beaten path, and then you'll see how it connects. And that is Chi. Have you ever heard of Chi? It's a Chinese word has been taken into Japanese for Qi or your Korean Qi. And it's a word that refers to the kind of life energy that's running through the system. [03:19.9]
Now I started training in Chinese Kung Fu particularly back when I was 16, I trained in it for 17 years. I ran a Kung Fu school for about nine years and I've trained in a bunch of other martial arts. And, but a lot of the stuff that I did at that point in time was focusing on meditation and energy development so that I could feel certain sensations, sensations in my body that would become some kind of mega super power. I'm imagining like shooting lightning, bolts from my fingertips, all Sith like, and like, like blasting people across the room, like dragon ball Z and all the things that, all the things that are there Chi blockers in avatar, the last Air bender, you know, all of this stuff I was studying. But I studied it for a long time and I remember at the time I was a third degree black belt, which means I had been in the system for a good long period of time. And we were finishing up a seminar on meditation where we had sat there for like four hours working on different visualizations, different practices, different breathing methods. And by the end of it, I was just frustrated because I felt like I should know what I was talking about, but I had no clue what they were talking about. They're talking about feelings and this red ball of energy and all this other stuff. [04:25.8]
So I finally went up to the teacher and I said, look, I don't know what she is. I really don't. The only thing I can maybe say might be related. I mean, the only thing I feel ever is this light tingling, tickling sensation that I get right between my eyebrows, whenever I just stop and focus a little bit. Now she was kind of in a hurry. So she just looked at me and she was like, yeah, that's Chi. And then she like waved me off and then took the next person. But whatever it was, whether she understood my question or not, that one moment in time was a huge gift because it made me realize that all the things people were talking about with regard to it, what I had made of their language, what I had fantasized about with regard to what they talked about, had nothing to do with the actual experience of it. And when I realized that I was like, Oh, that that's Chi okay, cool. I can move that sensation around my body. So when I started teaching Tai Chi and Chi gong and kung-fu and all this stuff, I literally would take my students through experiences to where they had certain sensations. And then I asked them, what would you call that? [05:27.4]
And some of them would be like, Oh, it's tingles or it's magnetism. Or it's a sense of electricity running through my system and all these other things. And after they had named it, I go, yeah, that's what the Chinese would call Chi. It's going to feel different ways in different way. And now they didn't have any confusion about it. And they didn't waste years and years of their life thinking that it was some fantastical thing that you would see in a comic book instead of the actual real life experience of it. Unfortunately with humans, when someone else speaks, we make a fantasy about what they mean in our own head. We have no clue what it is that the other person means because they are living what they're saying. It's coming from their view of reality. And we're looking at it from the outside, trying to make sense of it. And language is a little bit of a conspiracy conspiracy, meaning we breathe it together, right? Language is a bit of conspiracy where we all say, Oh yes, this sound means this thing. But the problem with the conspiracy is because we all have different experiences with those words, those sounds, then they all mean something slightly different to each of us, which means that the way we put them together, even if I've lived in the same room with somebody for a long period of time is still going to be different. [06:39.0]
And we're going to have communication errors when we're using words, words are very, very clumsy vehicle for communicating what a person means. They just happened to be the one that most of us are pretty addicted to at the moment. Okay. There are deeper, more powerful ways to communicate that don't involve words, but unfortunately our society is sort of built on words at the moment. So we got to use them and they can be very, very helpful. And so here we have this problem when it comes to orgasm, you listening have either never heard the word and ejaculation, right. You've never, you either never heard the words or you've heard them in context with other things. And so, or you've seen pictures if you've been involved in pornography or you've watched movies where people talk about it, or you've listened to women talking about it, or you've heard things like back gasm and other gasms that are going on inside of people and full body orgasm and whatnot. And you've formed a mental image or idea about what that means. [07:38.8]
And if you're anything like I was when I was stuck inside of really like my whole life focus was around sex, like for a long period of time. Yes, I did other things, but it was on my mind a lot. And everything I was trying to do was achieve that perfect orgasm, because I thought that that was the culmination of all things. That was the culmination of all the energy work I'd done. That was the culmination. And so I was really focused on it, but I didn't even know what I was doing. So let's really look at what an orgasm is, shall we? An Organ spasm put the two things together and you have, orgasm, okay. That's all we're talking about a spasm, which means that in an uncontrollable undulation of muscular movement or skin epithelial cells or cell movement, you could say, and all that means is that there's a buildup of energy on the inside of it. That at a certain point becomes something that you can't control consciously by your own tension or by your own will. And it just kind of goes uncontrollably on its own and with that often comes comes a bursting out of the energy and a lot of pleasure, okay. [08:46.7]
If you or someone you know is looking to drop the F-bomb of “Freedom” in their life, whether that's from past trauma, depression, anxiety, addiction, or any other host of emotional and personal struggles, but they just don't know how or wants some help doing it. Head on over to thefreedomspecialist.com/feelbetternow and check out some of the things we've got in store for you or book a call so we can look at your unique situation and get you the help that you're looking for. [09:14.3]
Now, a lot of people, when they hear the word orgasm, they're like, yes, the genital organs are the place where orgasm occurs. And for a lot of people, it's true. I mean, for pretty much everybody, its true. That does happen. That's how the body's designed. And it feels super pleasurable, which is part of the reason why people have sex, because it is very enjoyable and very pleasurable. But the problem is, is when we, if we talk about orgasm, only that way we miss out on more than is there. Okay. We miss out on all the rest of what's possible because sex, unlike what many people may have told you, or almost everyone, it is not the highest culmination of physical pleasure that you can have. I hate to burst your bubble. I know it feels good, but it is nothing compared to the kind of pleasurable sensation you can have in your body running all the time when you've got your energy systems all ago. And when you've got your mind and heart and emotions, all in a certain alignment, man, sex is not the top. [10:14.5]
There are ways of experiencing waves of pleasure running through your system that blow sex out of the water. But the only reason you don't know about these is because nobody talks about them. We're too afraid to even talk about orgasm, let alone all of these other things. And we think it's voodoo. No, this is just the way your nervous system is wired. If you work with it, the way it's designed, you look in the user manual and you find this new feature that's called like ultra-pleasure mode Taaa daaaa…kind of like, you know, buzz light year in toy story, where he had Spanish mode, ultra-pleasure mode, and you can start to develop and cultivate this. And the only difficulty is it takes time, Sex faster in the short term, because you know, it doesn't take that long, but if you'd spend a few months really working it over time, you can start to develop these really incredible sensations. And they can lead to these blowouts of energy that we would call orgasms. Now, let me give you a little bit of a clue here. You have had orgasms in other places, then you genitalia. Did you know that? I want you to think about the last time you just got the chills and you shivered, but it wasn't because of the cold that my friend is an orgasm. [11:23.6]
Like when someone's tickling you. And this is, you know, the hair on your skin rises a little bit. And then like, it gets to a certain point of sensation and all of a sudden, there's just this like, Oh, you know, sensation where you get the shield, the chills or the shivers, but it's not because of cold is because of tickling or stimulation of the nerves of the energy in the system. And every part of your body has nerve cells, some more densely packed than others, but every part of your body has nerve cells. And when those nerve cells fire in a way that has a, that gets stimulated, stimulated, stimulated to where there's tons of energy in them, what happens is that they can spasm. And in that spasming, you can experience a spreading of pleasure. That is absolutely undeniably, incredibly amazing. You can feel it. I have felt them in my hands just bursting through all of my hands. I felt it in my lower back and sacrum area. And that's an incredible area as it spreads down the legs from the hips, I have felt it in my neck, obviously. [12:25.3]
Even brain gasms, we could call it that when you have these moments or aha moments where there's an incredible connection and wiring of new nerve cells and new neural pathways together, as new insights are gained, that is a kind of orgasm to a sense, in a sense, a brain spasm, a sudden flood of chemistry and sensation that runs through your system when two ideas connect, that's all that's happening. So as we're talking about orgasm itself, what I want to suggest to you is if instead of just focusing on the highest pleasure you can have is inside of a sexual or intimate relationship, I want to suggest to you that the better you treat your body and your mind, the better you pay attention to them and give them what they need. And the better, the more conscious you are of the way that they're designed, the more you can experience waves of just pure physical pleasure that have nothing to do with chastity, have nothing to do with marriage and sexual relationships and everything to do with the fact that you are alive, because it is being fully alive that is what gives you pleasure. [13:32.7]
You have to understand this when you're stimulating the nervous system to the point of orgasm, what you're actually doing is waking up the tissues. You're waking yourself up to life. And when life is blowing through you at full speed, it is incredibly pleasurable. It is fantastic. There are nameless ecstasies that you can experience when life is blowing through you at full speed, emotional, physical, energetic, spiritual, you name it. All of these things are achievable because you're alive. And the whole process that we're teaching people at the freedom specialists, and the reason this is named Alive and Free is because being alive is the gateway to the highest possible pleasure and happiness that you can imagine. And to the highest possible pleasure and happiness that you can't even imagine. So everything we're doing is trying to wake ourselves up and to have this kind of spasm as wake ourselves up into life. [14:30.9]
Now get this. A lot of people talk about addiction itself as if it's a numbing down and trying to deaden things. But if you really pay attention to the people talking about it, they're not trying to numb anything. They are dead-end by their own psychology. They are shut down from life by their own stuff and their addictive behaviors, quote unquote, because there is no behavior that is empirically proven anywhere to be addictive or substance that's still out. That's just a theory that's been bandied about for a little while, and it will probably be replaced in the near future. But these addictive behaviors, they're not numbing them at all. What they are doing is waking them up. Think about a person who's addicted to pornography and sex he's stimulating, or she is stimulating her nervous system in such a way that it wakes up, wakes them up from their mental nightmare. A person who is cutting themselves, they literally I've talked to these people. They're, they're sitting there like, no, I'm just, I was so angry whatnot. I just wanted to feel something. They were waking themselves up and they would cut and then they would go Sssssssss aaaaaa, and they couldn't think about what they were thinking about before, because they were waking themselves up from their nightmare. [15:39.6]
It's a bad dream that's going on. And most people are wandering around with bad dreams in their life suffering because their psychology has taken over and they haven't woken up to the grand juror and pleasure of what life can be. And unfortunately, most of them don't want to wake up from their nightmare. They just want a slightly better dream, which is why we run around the planet. Going, tell me about your dream. What do you dream of accomplishing on the planet? And that's having a person not involved with life in that moment, go into their psychology and make up a story in order to make themselves feel better rather than just wake up to life, right. So alcohol, they are going to feel something, even though it's technically called a depressant, because it does certain things to the nervous system. It is still stimulation to the nervous system, a distraction for it. Drugs of all sorts are different types of stimulants. And we could call them vehicles or catalysts for waking up the nervous system in a different way than it has been operating. So shifting gears in the nervous system is maybe a better way of saying that. [16:38.9]
All addictive behaviors, all compulsive behaviors from yelling at people in traffic to compulsively, opening up your email or your Facebook feed and scrolling non-stop and looking for something to playing video games, to bigger behaviors like bullying and fighting and all these other things who venture junkies all of these are ways that people are trying to wake up to the sheer grandeur and pleasure of life to have an orgasm where their entire system is finally awake and alive. Because at the root of it, everybody only wants one thing which is to come fully alive and to feel the joy of life. Unfortunately, there's a bajillion ways we're trying to go about it. Not all of them, most of them are temporary and not all of them are very effective or efficient. So when we're talking about orgasm, we're talking about something far bigger than anything that you can imagine, or that you may have associated with that term before we are talking about life itself, the grand pleasure of being alive. [17:38.9]
And a way to start to experience that is to start to recognize that physically physical spasms in the body can happen just by stimulation over period of time, to where you're just building and building. And then all of a sudden, a certain pleasure can come. It can happen energetically. And the greatest, most incredible experience you can have is when the pleasure is so great that literally you are physically, still stillness has entered you. And there is a deeper pleasure than anything you could possibly get by going out and being extremely active. This is what people in deep meditation have felt. I've experienced this a couple of different times, and what I've experienced is probably just a baby lick of all that is possible in terms of the pleasure that is, that is capable in life. And so, as we're closing up today, talking about a taboo topic, orgasm and ejaculation, all of these things are just byproducts of what it means to be fully alive. [18:34.7]
And the only way to do that to come fully alive is to start to set aside your psychology, your thought processes about life and get deeply into what's really happening in each individual moment. Now that may take some help, some skills. So if you haven't jumped into our choose your own emotion adventure, yet, I highly recommend doing that. Go over to thefreedomspecialist.com/feelbetternow and get on the waiting list if it's not open and available at the moment, because that's just a 20 day adventure, that'll radically turn around the kinds of things you can start experiencing. If you're dealing with deep issues and you want to go further than that, we have incredible retreats events and other online programs that we can get. And you can go over and schedule a time to call, just go to thefreedomspecialist.com/getstarted either way don't waste another minute, waiting for something outside of you to make you feel good. When you can finally recognize that the feel-good comes from the inside and the way that you are holding the life that you are, right. And that is going to take a little bit of attention, a little bit of care, and then suddenly one day it will blossom in ways that you never dreamed possible. [19:41.7]
And that's it for todays “Alive and Free Podcast.” If you enjoyed this show and want some more freedom bombs landing in your ear buds, subscribe right now at wherever you get your podcasts from. And, while you're at it, give us a rating and a review. It'll help us keep delivering great stuff to you. Plus, it's just nice to be nice. [19:59.8]
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