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Whether you’re a parent, take care of loved ones or just want to make a difference in the world, you probably love to make an impact on other people’s lives by giving–whether that’s your time, money or something else.

But if you’re like most people, another thought pops into your head sometimes: “What about me? How can I take care of myself?

Today’s media portrays people as givers or takers, making us feel like we can spend our time doing one or the other. The truth is: You don’t have to choose!

Grandma was always there for friends and family, but also knew how to take time off for herself. In this episode, you’ll find out how you can take care of yourself without sacrificing the positive impact you can make on other people’s lives.

Listen now to find out how to make others AND yourself happy.

Show highlights include:

  • How to turn even the most painful episodes of your past into opportunities to turn yourself into who you want to be–and help others in the process. (3:40)
  • If you can make people feel these three things, you’ll contribute to their lives in everyday conversation. (7:15)
  • Why acquiring wealth for yourself money does NOT mean you can’t donate or make a change in other people’s lives with your dollars. (13:16)
  • How you can give more than others can ever give you–without putting yourself in debt or filling your schedule with tons of new things. (16:38)

Remember to download Grandma’s free wholesome wealth recipes book by dropping into www.grandmaswealth.com. Time-honored wealth strategies served with a helping of balance and trust.

If you’d like to see how Grandma’s timeless wealth strategies can work in your life, schedule your free 15-minute coffee chat with us by visiting www.grandmaswealthwisdom.com/call…just like Grandma would want us to do.

Read Full Transcript

A hearty welcome to Grandma’s Wealth Wisdom with your hospitable hosts, Brandon and Amanda Neely. This is the only podcast for strategies to grow your wealth simply and sustainably like grandma used to. Without further ado here are your hosts.
Amanda: Hi, I'm Amanda and welcome to Grandma's Wealth Wisdom where we work with you to build wealth that grandma would be proud of.
Brandon: And I'm Brandon. In today's Episode 39, we're going to be talking about a concept that's super important to me. In fact, this idea is one that has transformed my adult life. The key phrase that's become like a mantra to me is this, "You can give what you haven't received." "You can give what you have not received." First, I want to share my story of coming to believe this and then we're going to talk about how it could transform your wallet. [0:01:08.6]
Amanda: Now there are so many applications to this phrase that "you can give what you have not received". And we invite you to look for applications in your own life. In fact at the end, we're going to ask some questions to help you think through how this might apply to you. But I wanted to share what grandma thinks about this phrase, "you can give what you haven't received." Of course grandma thinks a lot about giving, you know she is always volunteered and given of her time to others being a mentor and that kind of thing but now that she is in her older years and a grandma, right, there's much more to receive and her life has become all about giving. Giving is her top priority. You know from volunteering and mentoring to even little things like being hospitable when people come over to her house, surprising people with fresh baked cookies, you know she is all about giving in so many different ways that she tries to give. [0:02:03.4]
Brandon: Grandma has so much wisdom to share but she also finds lots purpose and meaning in pouring into others especially young enough to be her grandchildren and those that actually are there listening. Right? This whole giving and receiving thing can happen simultaneously when you give you receive so much in return. Right?
Amanda: Which is a very good point, Brandon. For this episode though, we want to focus in on giving what you have not received. Brandon, how does that work?
Brandon: I think it's best illustrated by one of my stories. In a nutshell, I grew up in a single-mother household. I never had a consistent father figure around. I mean I actually had six or seven dads and that kind of thing and my biological father wasn't there during my growing up years. [0:03:01.0]
I always wondered what kind of father I would be – would I be good at it? What would good look like? Again I had several examples just not good one and could I be the father that I always wished I had. Now to be fair, my dad is now in my life and we speak to him fairly regularly and he's been a very positive role in my life after I graduated high school and all that stuff. But way before we finally had a son, I was determined to explore if I could give what I hadn't received growing up. Now lots of people make excuses for why they can't do something due their surroundings. I mean I could have made tons of them. We make excuses for not getting to where we want to go all the time. Now, I didn't want to make any excuses for not being the type of person that I wanted to become. These became my two mantras in life. [0:04:03.5]
Number one was and you'll hear it in the podcast over and over again. "Take 100% responsibility for everything." Again that's the first mantra. "Take 100% responsibility". And number two is "you can give what you haven't received." So I set out to refrain from passing on negative traits and trauma and I attempted to always pass on something new and positive. Now Amanda might say...
Amanda: You're not perfect at this but...
Brandon: Amanda might say different but I try.
Amanda: Yeah. And that's the most important thing.
Brandon: Now I don't want to throw any family members under the bus so let me share an example outside my family and also I'm not going to share any names if you happen to know me and ...
Amanda: Protect the not so innocent so...
Brandon: So I believe in the power of mentors as you know me you would know that so we've tried to have mentors and guides all along our journey. [0:05:08.2]
One in particular taught us more what not to do than what to do and some of those mentors are helpful to have but they again taught me what not to do than what to do. For example, we'd be in the middle of a conversation with this person and they would just slowly walk away like that back walk. You know what I'm talking about?
Amanda: Yeah.
Brandon: Where we are wrapping things up or saying goodbye and he would be totally walking out of the conversation before it's done. He didn't just do this with me either. He did this with everyone. We all had these conversations of did he do that to you? We just made reasons to why – that's just the way he is. Even worse, he agreed to meet with me for pie and coffee and then act the whole time like he didn't want to be there or he probably didn't want to be there, it was just part of his job. [0:06:04.4]
That's they way I felt. I was like alright this is weird I don't want to be here if you don't want to be here. When we also started our first business again, he lived in the area. He never once came to visit for over five years until some big wigs came from out of town kind of like peers to him, they showed up. All of sudden, he's there and excited and all that fun stuff. But then it gets even crazier, they all decided to go out for dinner to a fancy restaurant and we weren't even invited but he was making sure that he made it to that fancy dinner that's for sure.
Amanda: What?
Brandon: So that was a little frustrating as you can tell in my story, I remember a lot of this.
Amanda: And that was one of the first significant mentors Brandon had and he could go on and on but we think you get the picture that this dude was not respectful of Brandon or others and put off this air that he was better than others. [0:07:03.3]
Now you might guess over time that relationship hasn't gone anywhere and in fact, we have lost touch with him. Now we also totally forgive him. We don't hold a grudge or anything. We are only sharing this because we decided it's not our style and we wanted to give you this as a practical example. We've decided when we are mentors, when we are working with people – everyone we come in contact with in fact whether we are mentoring them or not, we want to make sure that every person is –as much as it's within our ability to – we want to make sure they feel respected and valued. That's really important to us.
Brandon: On the flipside, we've had some great mentors and guides who treated us totally different and you can hear in our previous episodes and podcasts about some of them. Now they were interested in the relationship rather than just what we were producing. Now there is a balance but they were very much interested in the relationship aspect. [0:08:00.8]
After the botched attempt with the first guy, we knew we wouldn't haphazardly find a mentor or guide who fit us in our style so we intentionally sought out others that would fit. In the meantime, we tried already be the type of mentor and guide that others were looking for. We tried to model what we hadn't received.
Amanda: Right and that's what all this is coming down to is that we were able to give what we had not received. We were able to be good, practical mentors and provide guidance served with trust and respect. That didn't stop us from seeking out those who could be those mentors and guides for us that would also give us trust and respect. In fact, we often found that it was a two-way street. When we were trying to mentor others and we trusted and respected them, we often found that we would be encouraged in return and we would learn things from them and they would almost become like mentors and guides to us. [0:09:03.4]
Which now we are back to grandma's part of giving but really receiving some much back in return and how it's that two-way street.
Brandon: You might agree with this on spiritual, relational, or emotional sense. You can be a better father or mother or mentor than you ever had. You can be a better friend than you ever had. How could this then apply to something so tangible as money when you give money, you don't always receive money back in return. Right, Amanda?
Amanda: Right. That is very true. We have shared on this podcast before like why this matters so much to us because we grew up in poverty, right, my parents were on public assistance when I was born. Brandon's mom worked multiple jobs trying to make ends meet. We've been asking this question for many, many years – how could we ever break this cycle and leave a financial legacy for our kids? How could give them more than what we haven't received from our parents or grandparents? We have not received any inheritances. [0:10:04.8]
You know and both that financial legacy for our direct – you know the kids I gave birth to but also to younger people that we mentor kind of the next generation either directly or through our favorite charities – how can we give and make an impact bigger than we even received in our own lives?
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Brandon: So Amanda, let me play devil's advocate here. Isn't it enough if we take care of ourselves well enough that we don't become a burden to our family or society? Isn't that just enough?
Amanda: Yeah, that is a very compelling argument and it's actually like this tough balance to make sure that you have enough for yourself and you're pouring into others as well. We know people who have kind of been unbalanced in this way like they sacrifice their own retirement to pay for their kids' college so now they don't have enough for themselves. And we know young adults who have gone into debt in order to help their parent or aunt or uncle get a tough season and they put themselves in a financial bind because they have been thinking about how to care for others. There is some responsibility that needs to come into here, right?
Brandon: Oh wait, so then that goes to the point number one, take 100% responsibility.
Amanda: Yeah, that's why I said that word responsibility.
Brandon: There you go. So you might have heard people use the oxygen mask analogy for money assistance. [0:12:04.1]
We are taught in the airplane each time we fly to put on our oxygen mask first and then help people around us. Should we do the same with our money? Make sure we are taking care of ourselves first before we are taking care of others. Is that the way to go?
Amanda: Yeah, that's what some people say but there are others particularly in religious and spiritual circles who do the opposite. They give first to others a portion of what they have received and then they just figure out how to live on the rest. The idea behind giving first for a lot of these kinds of people is to show your trust in that higher power to provide for you and that in giving you remember what's most important in life to...
Brandon: I think that's the first fruits or something like that, is that what it's called?
Amanda: Yeah, some people call it the tithe. Yeah.
Brandon: So we talked a lot about saving first so that you're setting aside money for your medium and long-term future. You can see the third episode we ever published called "The Stitch in Time Saves Nine" for more details about that. [0:13:13.1]
We want to set the record straight that needing to improve your financial future does not have to happen to the detriment of being charitable and giving.
Amanda: Let me say that again. Saving to improve your financial future does not have to happen to the detriment of being charitable and giving. In fact what we practice ourselves is this: give first, save second, then spend on what matters.
Brandon: But what about those savings? Can you use them to increase giving in the future?
Amanda: Yeah, so this is the part that's going to be mind blowing, I hope. This is actually a huge power that is part of grandma strategy. That whole idea so you can give now, you can prepare for your own future to take care of yourself and you can give even more later, and this more later is often more than you could ever save if on your own. [0:14:12.0]
With grandma's strategy, we are taking care of those short-term desires for building financial security like saving for a down payment on a home at the same time we're thinking about the long-term desires for making sure we have enough money for own retirement and being able to provide for ourselves and not be a burden to someone else and on top of that we're creating a longer term legacy that can last for generations. We can do all three at once and more actually. That's pretty powerful.
Brandon: So lots of people who use grandma's strategy are thinking through how to be good financial stewards. Being a good steward includes giving now; saving for the future and being able to give even more generously in the future. [0:15:02.5]
The giving now makes sense and is often a sensible part of budgeting. Plus you don't have to wait till you're retired to volunteer and otherwise give of your time and energy. Right? How can saving for future be more about others though than yourself?
Amanda: Yeah, so I have talked to a lot of people and many of them have talked about wanting to be able to leave their 9 to 5 typical job and be able to make giving a top priority of how they spend their time and energy; volunteering, helping make an impact in the world. They want to continue giving of their income but they also want to find lots of purpose and meaning and having the freedom to be active and serviced for others. Sure, they want to do that now but they also want to make that what their life is all about at some point in the future whether that's when they are 50, 60, 70 – whenever. [0:16:00.9]
In order to accomplish this they have to be diligent about saving for their future in a safe, reliable way. Then they are able to do this – their grandma's strategy then they could even after that give a final benevolent gift to their favorite charity, to their families, a combination of the two and they can do that from the grave as one last act of stewardship that passes on that baton of stewardship to others so that they can continue to be good stewards and continue to make an impact on the world.
Brandon: That's such a beautiful picture of giving what you haven't received. Sure giving from our income is giving what we received but having the freedom and flexibility to spend our time and energy volunteering and helping serve our communities could go way beyond what we have received as individuals. Especially if you're able to dedicate a 25-year retirement to it whenever you retire then that final benevolent gift is in some ways the epitome of giving what we haven't received because it could be more maybe even far, far more that we could give within our lifetime. [0:17:18.4]
Amanda: So let's bring this home with some application questions. I'm going to read these slowly and invite you to maybe write them down, think them through, and we'll try to have them in the show notes so that if you're driving or on the treadmill or something you don't have to write them down right now. So here we go. What is it that you would like to receive? What gift would you like to have in your life? (whether tangible or intangible) What if you could give that gift to someone else even before you have received it yourself? How might you find your perfect – like your definition of "perfect" balance of taking care of others and making sure that you are taken care of yourself? [0:18:03.6]
What if you could find a way to do three things to steward your money all at the same time? You could one give now, two prepare to have freedom and flexibility to give time and energy, and three give more than you could ever save as a final act of benevolence. What if you could do all three at the same time and steward your money in all three ways?
Brandon: Would it be worth 20 minutes of your time to explore what this could look like for you? If so, we would love to explore with you. Go to www.grandmaswealthwisdom.com and click request a meeting.
Amanda: After you have done that, after you have visited www.grandmaswealthwisdome.com and you've clicked request a meeting and selected a time from our calendars then next come back here to your podcast and be sure to hit subscribe because in the next episode we're going to be talking about the flip-side of this coin. Are you yourself going to be getting an inheritance? [0:19:00.5]
Statistics say that if you're around our age you are not likely to get what you think you are but what if you could create your own inheritance? Join us next time to find out how.
Brandon: That's sounds like a great cliffhanger there. Until next time keep building your wealth simply and sustainably for your own future and the future of our grandchildren's generation.
The topics presented in this podcast are the general information only and not for the purposes of providing legal, accounting, or investment advice. On such matters place consult a professional who knows your specific situation.
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