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Highlights from this episode include:

  • How positivity can be toxic to your mindset and life (2:18)
  • The counterintuitive reason that not everything needs to have a positive spin (4:35)
  • The single best way to support your kids when you can’t think of the right thing to say (6:06)
  • How to use your sales skills to honestly relate to your family in difficult times (7:01)
  • The subtle way that pretending to be positive destroys your soul (8:32)
Read Full Transcript

There's two types of people who hear consensual sales in the first go, Oh, Eww, Shawna, that is not what you want to say. There are better words to use and the second type here, consensual sales and say, you know what? You're right. I don't want to talk my way into the sale. I don't want to memorize a script. You just want to work with clients who are excited to work with you. Now that's consensual sales.

Hey, you just pushed play, and consensual sales, the podcast. And I realized that we might not have met yet. So I want us to go ahead and introduce myself. What's up my name's Shawna. And when I graduated from the university of Minnesota, one of the first jobs I got out of college was actually approaching families for tissue donation moments. After their loved ones had died. This is an awkward conversation that most people don't want to have, but after five kids in seven years and two cross country moves, I took that skillset after navigating awkward conversations and making sure that somebody felt totally empowered and able to make a decision that they wanted to make into business relationships, into helping my friends who were freelancers, copywriters, graphic designers, navigate their own conversations without feeling like they were pressuring somebody.

(01:18): So this is the show that discusses these principles about making sure that selling is a win, win situation for each of us. And so if you want to learn more about these principles, this is the show for you. Come back and say hi to me. I'm over on Instagram at, HeyHeyShawnamay or just check out my website at [inaudible] dot com. So I'm going to make this episode kind of short I'm in between the big kids went back to school yesterday, and I've got the little kids here for about like couple more weeks before they go back half day pre-K. And yesterday was the first day of school. And I want to make this short, but they're sort of like a lot that I feel like I'm wanting to just get off my chest. I don't have like an outline or anything here, but there's just something that I need to share with you today because it's really upsetting me.

(02:04): And it's this toxic positivity that feels more like deception. So as a mom with five kids, I know how powerful it is to sort of help your kids change mental directions. If they're struggling with something and how women really have, this seems like a natural gift to face difficult situations with grace and to kind of help people to come along when that's the case. And I know this, right? Like I know this as a woman and I saw this quote float around on the internet a while back and with all this whole Corona stuff. And it said something similar about how moms have the power to make this like a positive pill to swallow like this whole Corona wearing masks, not kids, not seeing their friends, not going back to school. Like moms can, can turn this situation into a positive one. And I didn't think of it until just this morning.

(03:01): And it's because of my kids. They went to school, the big ones, the big ones went to school for their first day yesterday. And they're required to wear mask all day. I mean, from the time they get out of the car until the time they get back into the car all day at recess, when they're outside at P E when they're outside and I live in Alabama, you guys it's August and we're in the middle of like a hundred degree, heat wave is hot outside. So anyway, so they have to wear these mass and I'm not here to like tell my political, I don't. I mean, I don't really need to have an opinion about everything, but I'm not trying to make this about like, should you be aware of masters? Should you wear a mask? And I've been telling my kids that some people have different roles and we just kind of have to follow the rules about what other people said when it's kind of their house.

(03:54): You know what I mean? That's how I've been approaching it. I've been not trying to like influence them and tell them like, Hey, this is going to be great. Like me and you get this amazing mess with your favorite color on it. I just want to say, we just have to do what needs to be done. If you want to do something you gotta sometimes while other people's rules, anyway, they get into the car yesterday. How was your first day of school? They rip off their face, man. I was like, Ooh, it's so hot mom. So hot. And then they, you know, they go out and they like, they seem happy. And they, he knows how me, what they had for lunch and car dogs and like whatever. And we get home and one of the kids, she starts crying and she tells me how sucky it is that she can't talk to her friends.

(04:35): Like she barely got to talk to her friends. Okay. So yeah, that sucks. Right? And then this morning, my other kid, she comes into my room and was there a getting ready for school and getting up. And she's crying too. She's crying about how she doesn't want to go to school. She doesn't want to wear a mask called the mask, hurts her ears and how she doesn't even get to see her friends. And would you wants to hug her friends? They have to do these elbow bumps. And a part of me feels like I just need to tell them to like, suck it up. There's things that we have to do that you don't always have to like, like, I don't want to be too soft. I want them to like get up right. And keep going. Like they can do hard things. Another part of me just feels so, so sad, so, so sad for them.

(05:20): And as I look around at the messages that they're getting from the school, from the teachers and this isn't like into teach, I love you teachers. I love all the teachers. You're amazing. As I look at the messages that they're receiving it's Oh, just keep a good attitude. Oh, just, you just got to have a positive attitude. And that really bothers me because they don't have to have a positive attitude. Why doesn't anybody tell them, you know what? You're right. It fucking sucks wearing a mask for seven hours. And a chunk of that time was outside in a hundred degree, Alabama heat. You know what, I'm sorry that your ears hurt from wearing the mask all day. It's really shitty that you can't see your friends. I'm so sorry that you couldn't hug your friend today. And it infuriates me because this is like a consensual sales principle.

(06:12): Your job, when you are selling is not to mentally manipulate somebody into like, denying, like what they're feeling or what they're thinking your job is to come alongside of them and to help them gain clarity around what's really happening. And what they're really feeling is not to just like tell them to buckle up and like have this positive attitude is to bring truth to the table. It's to say, you know what? I'm not going to pretend that you need to have a positive attitude, but I want you to know that this might be a hard time for you and we're going to get through it. That's the conversation I want to have with my kids. That's the kind of, yeah. Like that's, Oh, I don't want to deceive them. I don't want to minimize what they're feeling. I mean, I don't want to ask rebate it.

(07:01): I'm saying this word wrong exacerbate. I don't want to exacerbate this problem either. Right? Like that's not what I'm talking about. Like, I want to be like an emotional, strong person that they can lean on. I'm not here to like put gas on the fire either direction, but I am not going to try to cover up what they're feeling. And this is what happens when you try to handle objections, right? It's like, I need to tell them that they really do have the money, but they just don't want it bad enough. Or I'm not going to tell them that they really don't care about their success, or they really don't care about their business or that their husband doesn't love them. If they're not willing to put this kind of money for us in an investment, or you don't really care about your health, if you don't make this money, I don't want to do business like that.

(07:48): And I don't want to treat my kids like that. It's dirty. It's so dirty and manipulative to like, try to take what someone is telling you into like talk them in to the opposite. And I'm all about positive attitudes. Like our family, since they were little kids, we can't the Tony Horton do your best. Forget the rest. Like we love that. We love that guy. And we love that model. We use it all the time. We tell our kids to never give up, to keep trying to always be learning. I'm all about positive attitudes, but I'm just not, I'm against fake. Like I'm not for fake for positive attitudes, but I'm not for fake. I'm not for deception. I'm not from lying. Oh. So frustrated

(08:36): Eight

(08:38): In my heart. Like I know that everybody's trying to do their best and they're trying to just put on like a happy face, right? Like, Oh, this year is going to be so fun and like, you know, make sure you bring an extra mask and one, that's your favorite color or, you know, nose. It's pretty dismal.

(08:54): Oh, anyway,

(08:56): I don't know where I'm going with this. All I'm saying is that sort of like the, how you do one thing, you do all things. This might be a good example of that. Like the principles inside of consensual sales are going to bleed over into other relationships of your life and how you manage conversations with people that you care about. So I got to run, but I'd love to hear your thoughts on this. Why don't you go ahead and find me on Instagram at, Hey, Shauna, may. There's a graphic on my feed called after the show. That's a great place to keep this conversation going until next time.

(09:31): This is ThePodcastFactory.com.

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