Hi there. I'm Jill Allen and this is find your fierce, the show designed for women to discover your fierce, unlock and unstoppable mindset. Build unbreakable courage and completely transform how you show up every single day. Each week I will bring ideas, methods and strategies that will inspire you to step into your greatness and live life on purpose. Let's be fit, fierce and unstoppable.
(00:37): Hey there. Welcome to find your fierce. Love that you’re here today. And we have a special guest. She is the founder of you are a host of global retreats and an empowerment coach. My good friend, Andrew light. Nacre how are you girl? So happy to be here. Thank you. Yeah. I love that. We have been able to connect here today. I know your story is powerful. You have so much fire in your heart that I know that you're going to be able to add so much value to our listeners here today. I know something that's been on my heart lately is how we show up. And I know we both had a speaking engagement a few weeks back, and I know it opened up my eyes. I know we've talked about it since opened up my eyes, my heart, just to how many women have a story that oftentimes I think that sometimes just gets buried for sure.
(01:28): And I think we're so used to armoring and life, like when we just, especially as women, like we just do the duet, we wake up, we brush our teeth, we go to work. We do the things I think we don't take a lot of time to stop and be like, wait a minute. Is this serving me? Who am I? Why am I here? What am I doing? So, yeah, definitely something that's been showing up a lot lately, especially in these times. Yeah. The, who am I when you said, like, who am I? And I know we had this discussion earlier, but I think we forget that we're a soul. Like it's we are here and we have breath. We're here on purpose with purpose and for purpose. And I think that so often the action of every day, we forget that so much. And I love your just breathe, you know, like stopping and just breathing and realizing that you're here for a reason.
(02:20): Yeah. Just to slow down a little bit and not necessarily vege out on the couch. I mean, I love doing, I mean, I love doing that, but to find like, just slow down enough to where, okay, where can we find that that peace and that calm in our soul to where we can show up as our best, who we've been created to be. And exactly. I think of that all the time. I was a first grade school teacher prior to this, and you know, you watched children and they're full of imagination and hope and possibility. And then we grow up and we started adulting and we forget
(03:00): To have that same curiosity about life. There's this story I'll make it really brief. But have you ever heard the story of the roast before? There's this lady who was, she had this big old pot. And so she was making this roast and she chopped two ends off like huge chunks of meat off of both ends. And they asked her, you know, why did you do that? And she's like, I don't know if my mom did it. So if they go to the mom and ask her and she's like, Oh my gosh, I've never thought about it. My mom did it. So they go up for generations, right? And then they're asking the grandmother, like, why you, why do you chop both ends off of the roast? And she's like, well, I only had a pot this big and that's the only way it would fit.
(03:40): And I think a really great analogy with how we do life, right? We just don't stop and question, wait a minute. Why am I doing this? And is the serving me? And am I just doing this? Because someone before me did and well-intentioned people pass down their beliefs to me. So I really invite people like you just said about the, who am I to just at any point in life there's never too late. Like if you have breath, it does not matter how old you are. It does not matter. Anything, nothing matters at any point like today, you could listen to this and just write on a piece of paper, who am I? And start unfolding that like uncovering the questions.
(04:20): Well, the passions that we've been given, the gifts that we have been given the day that we have been given, you know, and at the end of the day, I mean, I know we always talk a little bit about the gratitude and giving praise and coming back to who we ultimately are, but at those times are we living it right? And that's what kind of gets buried.
(04:42): And I think too, what I find is people feel like they're so far away from that. Like they pass it. They feel like, Oh my gosh, I've wasted so much time. Or I haven't even revealed what my passions are. Maybe it's too late. I'm just destined to punch a time clock and just, I'm going to trench through life. And what's been so cool in this journey of personal development and watching people. And I know you see the same in hosting retreats. Somebody can come in a certain human and they can start uncovering me. And literally they leave a different human, they stand taller and they smile brighter. They they're facelifts. Like you can start any at any point in life, like right now, take one step towards who you are or your dreams, or your follow your bliss. Like one thing that brings you joy. And then the next day do the same. And then the next day, and then suddenly you look back and you're like, Oh my gosh. Like, it really does transform your life can transform any point.
(05:37): I love how you said that you can start any time. And I kind of want to expand on that a little bit. Everything up until this time is not a waste. Like I don't even want to look at like the things like, Oh man, I wish I would have done that because you wouldn't see what you see now or feel what you feel now, if we hadn't gone through our past. So our past is so important, but I look at them as stepping stones. Yes. And that firm foundation of man, we had to go through this or we had to face that right. To be where we are today to even grasp like the magnitude of what's in front of us and the opportunity and how we can show up in the world. Yeah.
(06:19): So huge. I'm really glad that you talked about that because you know, we only see life as we are. We have our own lens, we have our own paradigm. We have our own glasses, if you will, through which we see life. And a lot of times we do have that perception or that belief like, Oh my gosh, like what have I done? Or I've gone too far where, and exactly, like you said, like at any point, some miracle was just a shift in perception from fear to love. And so a loving lens it's from a course in miracles, I didn't make it up, but you can at any point, change that lens in which you see it and be like, Oh my gosh, yes, those were stepping stones. They did guide me here. And, and you can actually look back and in gratitude for each and every one of those steps
(07:08): Versus the victim.
(07:11): And it's easy for us to do that. You know, I tell people all the time, like, don't shame yourself for that. Like, it's very, very easy. But again, shifting your perception, that same miracle lens, looking at yourself and saying, okay, all of this happened. If you can truly get to the point where you say this happened for me, not to me, you go from that victim to that Victor space and 0.5 seconds. Like when you can truly be like, Oh my gosh. Like, and I know that sounds very difficult. Like when you're first starting and you're going to say, yeah, but I can't, you know, these were traumatic situations. But when, I mean, just even working with people who are grieving, when they can start to see I'll use myself as an example, I was going to teach first grade until I was 104. And that's all I ever went in to do.
(07:59): Like from the time I was in the sixth grade, and then I lost my dad and a bunch of people in my family in a real short period of time. Like it was like, I literally felt like I was in a Rocky movie. Like I couldn't get up. And, but had all of that not happened. I would have probably never began a personal development journey. And so I'm grateful. It was that dark night of the soul that actually made me say, wait a minute, is this in, like you just wait to be knocked down again? Or can you actually like use your heartache for purpose? So yeah, I just invite you if you're, you are going through a hard time to just really look at all the pieces and puzzles and instead of pushing them down and, and judging them and shaming them, like start to uncover how they're helping you become the best version of you.
(08:44): Oh my gosh. I love that. Talk about being vulnerable. I mean, you have to be vulnerable to make that impact. I think that's kind of goes back to our story. Story can be our message with people and your story that you just shared. I mean, just speaks to that.
(09:05): Yeah. I think, again, going back to the beginning of our conversation, you know, as women, as the humans, I'm not just going to say women, but you know, we do, I think as children, things happen, right? So like maybe you get made fun of on the playground or something like that, or you cry and someone says something. And so suddenly you create stories around those and all this stories, they shift your perception, they stick to you. And that, that changes your lens, more fear based paradigm. And so I think by the time we grow up, many of us, not all of us, but many of us learn to armor up, shake it off tiger. Like be courageous means being strong and being strong means you don't cry and you weren't vulnerable. And so we create all these stories, these perceptions that, that really aren't true.
(09:51): Right. And just like you said, I think there's always a message in the mess. And so when we can, as humans say, like, I get used to this, or it's in those cracks that we see each other, right? Like when someone else says like, I don't have it all together or I'm hurting and you're there, there's a hurt part of you that really resonates with that person. And they're like you to meet you. Oh, I thought I had to have it all together. You know? And so one of the parts of having hiring a mentor coach as yourself is you can get someone who sees you and all of the parts of you without judgment. And they see the God part of you. They see the soul part of you and it's in those spaces that we can really grow and heal.
(10:32): Wow, this is good. I love connecting with you. It's so fun. Yeah, no, this is, this is really good. And it kind of goes in with everything that we've been holding on to both good and bad. What is it that we can let go of? What is it that we can surrender? What just kind of, so we can move forward. Right?
(10:52): It's funny. Cause we host global retreats, you know, and I don't know where we got this idea that we day one, we all sit in this big, huge circle and I have this huge pile of stone, the way the million pound, my husband loves carrying them. But anyways, and it's true. We all have them. And so we put them in the middle and we sit around the circle and we're like, okay. So pick a stone that equates to how big you feel like you're carrying it in your heart and your life. And so we do all sorts of things like childhood wounds, aware, shame or guilt or scarcity, whatever. And so there's a couple of important parts of that. The first facet is everybody's hand goes in nearly every single time, right? So we all, we all have a story, everybody, and everybody puts their hands in there and they're picking up those stones.
(11:49): The second part is like, when we hiked in Costa Rica, we had our bags us and we carry those bags around because it's true. Like, just like you said, we're carrying those invisible backpacks everywhere we go. They're on our hearts. They're in our minds. They're part of our perception and our lens that we see the world. And so as we start to uncover them, so we can no longer pretend that those stones don't exist. And so then we have a ceremony later where we decide what we're willing to let go of. And maybe we trade in. Maybe we're not willing to carry as big of a stone, but maybe we're not completely ready to let it go yet. And maybe we are ready to check it. Like it's no longer part of our story anymore. I get goosebumps because I can see so many faces of so many women, but it's so beautiful. Let's adjust how at any point in life we can decide, like it's just a, it's a decision. Like that's no longer going to be part of my story anymore. So yeah,
(12:42): Back to that, take all of that captive and bind it and let go and release. And the fact that we have been given free will to choose. Okay. And then think of it is, and I think so many too, we may think, okay. Cause I think sometimes it's not maybe a one and done, right. We sometimes go back and pick up that same stone and it's like, why are we doing this? And so it's almost it is, it's not almost it's daily. It's something that we have to make a choice every single day as to whether or not, well, what is it that we're going to pick up? What is it that we're going to carry? What can we let go? How can we show up?
(13:23): Exactly. Like you said, though, it's a daily practice. There's a reason it's called practice because that's why the tools that you teach, you know, are so profound, like gratitude. That's why, you know, it shifts your mind away from all the things going wrong and really does train your brain. There's brain science. Like the reticular activating system actually starts to like a horse track that goes right for gratitude. So that's a great practice that literally, if someone's like, what can I do right now today? Gratitude, hands down, but forgiveness too, like forgiveness for yourself, forgiveness of others daily practice.
(13:59): Now that can be a whole series on that.
(14:05): Yeah. True. But just like you said, and, and then I think another very important facet to this is to release that judgment. So even when you are practicing forgiveness or you're like, shoot, here I am, again, I thought it was further than that really coming to a space of like forgiving yourself, even for having the, the shame for not having forgiven. Right. So there's so many different layers. I think that are so important. Cause I think we, we should on ourselves all the time. My should be doing this. I should be further along. I should. And so that really creates a cycle of
(14:43): Yeah, well in the shirt and the shame and the guilt it's coming from a place definitely not out of love. And so I think there's always a question of, okay, well, how do I know if it's God speaking to me, the enemy or us? I mean, I think the biggest indicator is if it's shame and guilt, it's definitely not out of a place of love. And I think that's something how we can identify because there's that enemy out there that wants to continue to keep our story on a negative path and to shut us down and we need to become very, very self-aware of, okay, what is it that we're listening to? And what's being spoken and for us to like, okay, wait, we need not to listen to that because I think when we're being attacked, okay. And we start hearing all those sheds and you need to do this. And then the comparison mode and the self doubt and the insecurity and the fear to me, I think it goes back to our purpose. You must have a really big purpose.
(15:48): That's true.
(15:50): If that is what you're hearing, because it's out there, there's a force out there that wants to keep us down and hold us back and make us feel small. And I know that bark seems loud.
(16:02): Well, people might look at somebody like you, for example, right. I told you before we have done, I'm like, you'll try to have to convince me that you're not super woman. Right? It's like you do so many things, but everybody has those whispers. Everybody has those. Like maybe I should say small. Maybe I shouldn't follow my passion. Maybe this, like we, every human has that in their ears. Right. In their mind and their hearts. And so two things with that is one, we get to choose whether or not we listened to that. And I also believe that we have guidance always. So if you sit down in quiet and you hear that, you can literally ask like, is this my truth? Is this my truth? And you'll know, by the way that you feel that it's not your truth, like that's just the story. And just like anything else, it can be blessed and released.
(16:56): You don't need to raise this debt because what we resist persists. Right. So it's like, there's that story. We try to fight it and it comes right back. So that's another, like just invitation to just sit with it. Once they sit with the stock, sometimes it's great because you have to sit with it for a minute and we're not used to that. We do try to like fight it. We tried out, run it. Like all those stories, all those limitations. It's like, make it go away or we listen to it and then we allow it to keep us small. But if you can just sit with it and be like, I don't think no, that's not my truth. You know? And that's how you do the things that you do. Right. Because you a don't not have those stories and B you also don't listen to them. So that's the secret recipe.
(17:38): Yeah. Oh my gosh. That is so good. I heard it was just so funny. The things that we hear that will help identify your story and your purpose. For example, they use that, Oh, you can't be a dentist. She said, why? I'd never heard of that before? Like, I, that was never spoken to me. Well, it's because that's not your purpose, right. You're not going to, Oh my gosh. That is so good. So the things that you're hearing, maybe, you know, you're not a good coach or you're not good enough, or, you know, you're, you're not a good enough mom and things that you're hearing on that to me, that is like, well, that could be the wake up call of maybe you are on the right path, because that is why you are trying to be shut down that instilled in your heart and your soul. So that's just something I had to pass on because I know for me, I've never heard that, Oh, you're not a good dentist.
(18:28): I'm like, Oh gosh,
(18:28): That's so true. So what is it that we are hearing exactly, like you said, and turn that into the good, why?
(18:37): Well, and just the simple practice of looking at it. Right? So going back to, I don't know if you've ever read the book untethered soul, but it just reminds me again, like think of, of children. So they win until they have those stories. They don't have those stories. And so in the book, the untethered, so he talks about how basically we're like these humans that have these thorns, like sticking out of us and it's, we have one Gil, we have one not good enough. We have one, you can't do this. And so we're really like humans walking around, expecting other people not to punch our thorns. And then they bumped into a more like, Ooh, and we project, or we have anger, we have sadness or whatever, versus like looking at them and saying, Oh wait, there's that story that I'm telling myself, like I'm not good enough or whatever. And then you can take it out. And so then there's less chance that somebody's punching that thorn saying like, you weren't good enough. You weren't good enough in it.
(19:35): Yeah. That was what untethered soul
(19:38): Untethered soul.
(19:39): Okay. Yeah. That sounds good. So this has been so good. I know we covered a lot of things here. How can we kind of like dial this in and condense this to what people can do right now today? I know gratitude. I heard you say gratitude multiple times and giving praise. I think if we can focus on thinking or just, I don't even know it's about thinking just it's an automatic, what can we be grateful for three things today? What else?
(20:11): Yeah. So that's a great one. And we do invite you 30 today. Just literally write it down right now. Get a note of something. Number two is who am I? We asked you who am I? And we really invite you to pick things that are not roles. It's very easy for us to say, I'm a wife, I'm a mom, I'm a nurse. I meant, but really invite you like who am I? And again, if this is a daily practice, you're going to peel back different layers. And then you might uncover things like, Oh my gosh, I remember I used to love to do this when I was a child or this brings me so much choice. So who am I as number two?
(20:44): Oh, I love that. And I think three is a big one forgiveness. I know we can choose from so much of what we talked about, but the forgiveness of not just other people, but forgiving ourselves so we can really release the guilt and the shame so we can actually move forward as our best self. So I think that's kind of how we can wrap that up. For sure. I'm excited about this. We were talking about a seven day best self challenge things. Again, you know, that we can build upon and add into our practice. And so be on the lookout for that in both our Facebook groups, we will give you a download of this challenge and I'm excited to invite you in with Angie and I. So what do you think I'm at? I'm really excited. I think this is, has been awesome. I know we could probably talk for days and then do all that good stuff.
(21:37): Where can they find you? Cause I know they're going to want to follow you. You have given so much value and have so much heart. Where can they find you? You R O U R e.or-empowerment.com. And I'm also on Facebook. I am so behind on the times within Instagram, but we're working on it like, you know, Jill and I were discussing before hopping on here. If you are struggling, you don't have to do hard alone. So reach out to us and we'd be happy to guide you in a direction. But I just know that especially right now, people are really hurting. And I don't want you to feel like you don't have a place to be prayed that somebody would find me if it was three in the morning. And they're like, what do I do if I feel like I can't go on anymore.
(22:26): I want you to message me and reach out. No, that's awesome. That's, that's good to share that we are not alone, that we need to lock arms. And I think that's good, ladies. I hope you have found so much value in this. Be sure to go to U r-empowerment.com, follow Angie light knicker on Facebook and heads up. If you have zero energy to focus on yourself and need extra support and accountability from women who know what it's like to juggle crazy busy life, head on over to beef and fierce.com and become unstoppable with us. On the next episode, we're going to talk about whatever gets downloaded to me. So I have no idea yet something to kick off the new year, for sure. Thanks so much for joining us today. Please subscribe, share this episode, link on your social media and if you felt encouraged or inspired, as we all know someone that can benefit, I would love it. If you would give some feedback and a review as well, talk with you next time. Be fit, be fierce, be unstoppable. See ya.
(23:28): This is ThePodcastFactory.com.
