Welcome to the win at home first podcast. I'm your host, Corey Carlson. This podcast is where we talk about how successful business leaders win, not only at work, but also at home. On this podcast, we will go behind the scenes with great leaders to hear stories of how they win. Thank you for listening and on to today's episode.
Hello, this is Corey Carlson, and I'm excited to bring you today's episode where our guest is Jeremy self. I met him a few years ago when he was a client. And over the last few years, he became a good friend when he was a client. He was a pastor and now he has recently became a wealth manager for Edward Jones. And what's interesting. The reason he made the change is because he felt it would give him a bigger platform for the kingdom. So it's a great discussion.
(00:51): What's also interesting is during the episode, I learned that it was a question that I asked him when he was a client that started to become the catalyst for that chain. So it's a question that may be super helpful to you as well. We also talk about having the perspective of only being able to control what you can control. We talk about the person piece strategy, how it can help you build your business. We talk about family rhythms before quarantine, during quarantine, and then eventually after quarantine. Also talk about the importance of sharing business stories with your kids, talking about the importance of a supporting cast, especially our spouses, as well as talking about the Stockdale effect, how we can only worry about today. So the great episode, I hope you enjoy it as much as I did. Thank you. Hello is Corey Carlson. You're listening to win at home first podcast.
(01:46): I'm excited about today's interview. It's a good friend of mine, Jeremy self. He was a client before then turned into a friend and, and really, we just have stayed connected over the years and it's been awesome. And he's also had a big career transition that we'll talk about and how that has impacted his personal life, how he's led at home as well as now being a wealth manager with Edward Jones and what that looks like. So excited to have you on your Jeremy. Hey man, thanks for having me well, awesome. Well, I kind of just opened up with talking about a career transition and I think that's a neat thing to talk about from the standpoint of during these last few months with people not taking risks, you didn't know you're going to be taking a big risk at this time, but to be a church pastor your whole life. And that's how you and I met was I was coaching you during that time as you're building your leadership team, but then now you are with Edward Jones and doing wealth management help us kind of understand is walking through what that looked like of leaving something that you probably felt that you were to do your whole life and then getting out of ministry into business. Yeah, well,
(03:00): I think it was probably interestingly enough, I think that, you know, being coached by you and the five capital's team was really pivotal in the process of being called into business. I think that, you know, it's so interesting how all of the different pieces come together to lead us to where we're supposed to be. I think about during my ministry years of leading the church and how we lead people through financial peace university and help them understand how to get out of debt and static debt and live on a budget and begin to build wealth for themselves. I think about that piece. And then I think about, you know, going through the five capital certification piece and how that was built on really learning to ask great questions and then helping people to really have transformational experiences in their own life. And then combine that with really just the timing of the Holy spirit, speaking to me and calling me out of what I was doing in ministry to be actually maybe making a bigger difference out in the marketplace. So I think it was just like a collection or a perfect storm of all those different things that ultimately led me to this opportunity.
(04:34): No, that's cool. You made a comment about making a bigger difference and I think some people probably listen to this as, Hey, how do you make a bigger difference going from being a pastor to being a business owner. And then I've also heard individuals talk about how do I integrate my faith in my work without just having faith on the weekends and then it's work hard during the work week. So two points there of how do you feel that you're going to make a bigger difference being in the business world versus being a pastor? Yeah, we'll start with that one first.
(05:06): Yeah. So, you know, it's interesting because in ministry, as a pastor, you have a platform on Sundays and you get to speak to people about important matters, you know, and at the same time they go out the door and they have to live their life Monday through Friday and a context that may not be encouraging her Fayetteville. And so here I get to bring the faith into the marketplace on a daily basis. And so there's, there's a couple of pieces involved in that one. I think maybe in ministry, you know, you would speak to this large congregation on a Sunday, but then throughout the week you might have, you know, one or two meetings a day, just coffee or lunch or whatever when people would be available. But I think it was more reactionary and waiting on people to come to you if they needed, you are always available, you know, but I think in the marketplace, we're so intentional and being proactive in making contact with people that the number of people you make contact with just greater, because you're being intentional in, you know, trying to make as many contacts every day as you can.
(06:37): And the percentages are just that you're gonna end up talking to more people. And my whole thing is about like integrating faith into the marketplace. Like I'm always trying to find out what's important to my prospective clients or my clients, right. And as I find out what's important to them, then I'm building a relationship and I'm going to also share what's important to me. Right? Like my faith is very important to me. My family is very important to me. My church is important to me, you know, like always think about like, if, you know, I think it was Andy Stanley years ago. He's like, if you get a new iPhone and you love it, you're going to tell other people about it, you know, like it's or a new restaurant in town that you love or whatever. And not just, I think about it in the marketplace the same way. If I have a vibrant faith that I am passionately in love with Christ. And then I'm going to talk about my relationship with Christ, you know, does that make sense?
(07:47): It makes all the sense and you, especially, you are, you have that evangelical heart where you share things. I mean, you've referred friends to me as a, as a client and so I'm grateful for it. And so I get that. So have you noticed that in this, I mean, how long have you been with Edward Jones?
(08:05): Yeah, so I started in August of 2019 with Edward Jones. Some of that was training and actually launched my practice in December. And so have officially been almost a year with the company.
(08:25): Well, congratulations almost a year anniversary. That's fantastic. And interestingly, coming into this profession much more commission-based and how well are you performing? Obviously when you're with the church, there still was the tidying aspect and some volatility, but it's more steady than where you're at now. And I know as myself going from a corporate salary to now, which could have some volatility with coaching or speaking engagements, how have you been handling the financial stresses demands that a lot of business owners have that could fluctuate? Yeah,
(09:04): It's a great question. And you know, it just as well as I do that, the struggle to keep the five capitals in order is very real. There are days that I wake up with, you know, some anxiety and I have to take that and flip the order and say, okay, I'm going to seek first the kingdom, not these other things. And that helps to alleviate the anxiety, but it doesn't mean that it's nonexistent. And you know, I think that in this business, we always have to look at what we can control, right? Like I can't control how many people are going to answer the phone. I can't control how many people are going to talk to me, but I can't control my activity. I can make the number of calls that need to be made. I can control my attitude, right? Like I can be positive and choose to believe the best. And you know, I have a friend who sells real estate and they said, you know, when they used to go door to door and call on people that they would say, people like me, they're home and they want to talk to me. And just having those things to believe in, choose to believe. I mean, you could choose to believe the opposite of that just to say, you know,
(10:33): Right. No, it's just that mindset going into picking up that phone call or knocking on that door as your real estate friend that they, they, they like you, they want to listen to you. It's a little bit of, even in the five capitals when we talk about that person piece strategy. Yes. Jesus talks about in Luke 10 and sends it out to 72 people to do, do they want, do they listen to you? Do they walk into their home? Yes. I want to serve you. And so much of that is true with us. I know my whole career beyond sales, if I was not careful, it was a shotgun approach all the time, go home, you know, a hundred miles an hour, zero focus, zero strategy. But instead dialing it back and thinking through that person a P strategy.
(11:14): Yeah. And I even, you know, when we could, before we could go and knock on people's song, knock on doors and talk to them. I would spend time that morning asking the Lord for direction on where he wanted me to go that day, because I w I didn't want to be just doing what I thought would be best. I wanted to be listening to where I felt like the Lord was directing me, because I believe he knows who those people of peace are. And I'll go to where I'm supposed to go.
(11:50): Oh, that's great. That's as needed, especially as you mentioned, COVID you join a, as you're talking about commission-based business, right. When the market starts to tank due to COVID and yet you've had this focus and discipline to continue to go the Lord of where should I be pointed, or who should I call? Who should I email as opposed to frantic and panic and thinking, Oh, I just I'm hosed. I will not make it. So I love that you've had that discipline throughout this. Yeah, absolutely. Shifting a little bit, just a fan of it, because I know you're, you've mentioned already, but I've had the opportunity to meet some of your family
(12:28): And you're very
(12:30): Strong family guy, which I love. And so you have been winning at home verse. How have you been leading your family through this? I mean, through the
(12:40): Job change and the ups and downs of new maybe tensions you're bringing into the home or new fears you're bringing in the home, how have you led your family during this time? Well, so I'm going to have to give my wife a lot of credit here, because I think that there has been a lot of partnership and this whole time of transitioning. And, you know, because when I was in training, I was working, you know, 60 to 70 hours a week. And it was just enough to get by, you know, and I was just really having to work so much that Ashley really had to take on a heavy load for that season. And that continued on until probably through this COVID season. I haven't had to work a whole lot in terms of, you know, being out in the field and everything cause we can, you know, so it was a, it was a gift in that sense where I was able to spend more time at home and lead our family.
(13:53): But, but we have some rhythms that are part of our family that help us spiritually. So one rhythm that we have is every January, we have a season of 21 days of prayer and fasting, and we had that through our church for years. But even now, as we continue to lead our family, we continue that rhythm. And so every morning we have a devotional and prayer time for the first 21 days of the year. And we asked each family member to fast something that sacrificial, you know, so we've had family members fast, social media that's pretty big for teenagers. Right, right. We've had people fast sweets. We've had people fast, something that they love, you know, so it's a sacrifice for them, but it's a way for them to say, God, you're first, we put you first at the beginning of this year and we want to know that you'll take the rest of the year and you'll help us stay focused on you. So that's kind of just one rhythm that we do. And this year was probably maybe more important than any other year before, you know, just in light of what all we've kind of had to go through. I love this rhythm and
(15:22): Just to learn a little bit more about it, even for the listeners. And I may be kicking this off with my family in 2021, but at 21 days. So you do January 1st or 21st, is it just you Ashley?
(15:35): Yeah, that's right. We typically wait until past January 1st began, you know, there's new year's parties and all that stuff and college football, you know, so we usually start the first Sunday of the year, whatever that is, and then carry it on for 21 days. But yes, it's just our family. And then you do it
(16:00): The morning before everyone's off to school,
(16:02): Correct? Yeah. So this was a, a new thing for us. We had normally said, you know, Hey, we can do it after school or whatever. And we had a family meeting and we said, Hey, we're going to do this. Here are the options we could all get up before everyone gets going for the day and get started this way. Or we could wait until dinner time and do it then. And it was so interesting because we have, you know three teenage young men in the house and our daughter is nine. And so for them to say, we want to get up early in the morning was, you know, and so they all agreed that morning was when they wanted to do it. And so that's what we ended up doing. And so we would wake up at five 45 every morning and we would all get a cup of coffee, you know, and we'd huddle in the living room and spend some time praying and doing and emotional. So
(17:07): I'm going to re replaying this episode for my kids when they start pushing back at that, this is not possible to get up that early for devotion. Anything in particular, from a devotion standpoint, you do for those 21 days, is it a particular
(17:19): Their book or no, no. It's kind of like whatever we are, you know, whatever we were in, in that journey, you know, so whatever Bible reading plan we were doing at the time. Gotcha. Are you,
(17:36): We're doing a Bible reading plan with your family, like with your kids throughout the year, or is it just really focused those 21?
(17:42): Just the 21 days and personally my wife and I use a chronological Bible plan and a year and a couple of years ago, we had, we had done one year Bible reading plans and a couple of years ago, we came across the chronological one year Bible. And really just,
(18:05): And so that's what we've been doing the last couple of years. I want to thank you for listening to my podcast. When at home first, I am so grateful to hear from listeners like you, that this content has been helpful. So now I would love for you to pay it forward. I want to get this message in the hands of more listeners. We need leaders to be winning both at home and at work, especially during this time. So please take a minute to share this episode with somebody you think would find value in it, as well as rate and subscribe as a thank you, please visit my website@coriumcarlson.com to download a free resource that people are finding value in. Thank you very much
(18:50): Rhythms that have been really helpful to you during the season. Yeah. I mean, you know, churches, a rhythm, you know, attending worship. And when we went to online church a few months ago, we treat that just like we would Sunday morning church, like everyone gets up, everyone comes into the living room, we put it on the TV. You know, it's not everybody sitting on their own personal device and, you know, kind of internalizing it when they say stand and sing, we all stand and saying, you know, say be seated. We're seated, you know, or whatever we treat it, just like, so I think church is a rhythm that happens for us. And then community is a rhythm. So having some friends that we get together with to, to talk about faith and our kids have that with their friends and we have that with our friends.
(19:56): So, yeah. So the quarantine changed a lot of rhythms for all of us. I mean, church being one of them. I mean, our church just announced that we will not be meeting in buildings in 2020. I saw that. So we have been very fortunate to have a church has got incredible streaming. We have enjoyed it. We all do sit on the couch. Like you mentioned together, not on your own devices. All five of us are, are participating in singing. And so that's been good, but I w I was looking forward to getting back inside the building, not going to lie. There's just another additional energy that seems to come with it. So now that we just got the announcement, we're going to have to make sure that we dial in very well to that Sunday service. And it's actually even shortened now than what it usually is live. So we'll have to make sure that we're very
(20:48): Intentional at that time, but there have been some not only personal rhythms, but family rhythms that we've either added or removed. Do you to quarantine, is there anything in your family that you are now doing that you want to hold on to, as we start to ramp back up into the working world and back to commuting to our office or whatever that looks like, are there some rhythms that you, you guys are doing it in home or personal life that you want to hold on to?
(21:17): Yeah, I think, you know, I mentioned earlier when we were chatting before the podcast, my rhythm of going home for lunch every day is a rhythm that I've really enjoyed. Normally I would be looking for, you know, prospective clients or, you know, going out to much with current clients, however, as this, you know, new rhythm has developed, I've so enjoyed being able to come home, connect with the kids, connect with Ashley, talk about the second half of the day. What's that going to look like? And, you know, I think I described it to you, like, you know, I'm seeing this as a first half and then halftime calibrations, and then second half of the game, you know? So beginning to treat each day like that, I think that the other rhythms is just the fact that normally in the spring, our schedule is so busy. We're going to practices or games almost every night of the week, and to have the rhythm of family dinner again, which we had for years and years, like when the kids were younger, they didn't play a lot of sports. It wasn't until they got into school sports that we really got busy. And so it was more of a return to something we had had before, which was like, ah, this is refreshing, you know?
(22:50): Yeah, that's great. Yeah. Before we did hit the record button, I did enjoy hearing not only when you coming home, but tell, retell the story of, with your son, just how you're taking what you're learning at work and bring it into the home as well. And I think that just elevates everyone in the house when you're bringing the good and the bad of work and those stresses, and they just don't see you just as a provider financially, but instead you have your good days, you have your bad days. And to actually start to have those conversations with our kids as lead. Well, they just can't think life's easy when you're an adult, because we never let them know what's going in our lives. I love, yeah. Just kind of reshare that on what we were talking about before the podcast and the audio book you're listening to.
(23:40): I think that's so true. You know, I posted this on LinkedIn the other day that, you know, most people on LinkedIn are all business, right. And what we know to be true in our hearts is we're so much more than that. We're so much more than what we do vocationally. And each of us likely has a supporting cast. And my supporting cast is my family. You know, they're as much a part of any success that I have as anything. And so that's true in this story, you know, I've got a 14 year old who is three on the Enneagram. He is a driven, focused on, you know, success and everything. And he just, he thinks big all the time. And he asked me when I come home for lunch, Hey dad have you taken massive action today? You know, and then he'll, he'll say that at dinnertime sometimes did you take massive actions a day or whatever?
(24:48): And it's like a little bit of an accountability piece for me. Like, am I doing well at work so that I can provide for the family? Cause they're depending on me, you know? And then the flip side is true. Like some days I have to be honest and say, you know what? I didn't take massive action. Maybe it was in the first half of the day. And so that's where that calibration comes in or recalibration. And I go back and the second half of the day, maybe I do take massive action. And just having those honest conversations is very helpful.
(25:27): Yeah, that's good, man. When our kids do ask us those questions, when we start to pull them into our business or, you know, it is that idea of family on mission, they're all a part of in my house. We're all a part of my business and what I'm doing as well as you know, I know for you and there's other paths, you know, facets of
(25:46): Family that we're doing things, you know, my wife's very involved and you know, it was PTA. So we ask questions with her. And how does that help you? I know Ashley's got a lot of different involvements in the community as well. Yeah. I, you know, I was speaking at our local high school right before COVID hit and I got to speak to about 800 high school students. And at the end of one of the sessions this young man walks up to me and says, Hey do you have a business card? And I said, yeah, I'll, I'll reach down to my bag. And I handed it to him. And then he handed me his dad's card. Really.
(26:29): I ended up connecting with his dad and just saying, Hey, good job with your son. You know, he's a part of what you're doing. And he's like, he's learning, you know? And I asked him, that was so cool. And, and so now, you know, my kids they'll come home. My 16 year old especially has a business mindset. And so he will come home and be like, dad, I was at this friend's house and I met this guy and you need to meet him. And, you know, so he called me yesterday and said, dad, you know, so, and so's mom. And I'm like, yeah, he's like, she runs an $80 million company. And now he's like, you need to get to know her. Yeah. It's just funny to have your kids be involved in the, in the journey. And yeah, like you said, you know, beyond mission together. Yeah.
(27:22): I mean, I love it. Now you get your kids hand out business cards. Right.
(27:25): I had not yet. Almost started having that as a takeaway for me.
(27:30): No, I think that's, I think that's so good. And even call out the supporting cast
(27:34): Like you did, because they do make us better. You mentioned how Ashley was super helpful to you during this last year through the transition. And I know for me, Holly,
(27:44): It's been great. I'm very grateful for what Holly has done for me as well. Secondly, you talk about, we are not who we are vocationally and I think for you and I both, you were a pastor and now you're a wealth manager. I was a corporate guy, and now I'm doing what I'm doing.
(28:01): And it's so good and refreshing to hear about. We gotta be so careful with our identity. We can't yeah.
(28:07): Take our identity to what we do, because we may not be doing that
(28:10): In a year. We may not want to do that anymore. We feel God calling us into something new and different early on.
(28:19): And one of the podcasts and I talk about in the book when a home first, as well as handing over my story
(28:23): For greater story. And
(28:26): When I first heard that phrase, I didn't know exactly what that meant. But for you hearing your transition from that pastor to the, you know, to a wealth manager, I assume that had to be a lot of what you're thinking of. Okay. I got to hand over my story
(28:41): Is my identity was a pastor. I thought. Yeah, absolutely. And I would say, you know, it started for me way back when you were coaching me and you had us do an exercise of a 30 minute journaling of the question, what comes to mind when you think about yourself as a son of God. And that was so transformative for me. And then it continued, you know, as we continued our friendship and everything, and was able to go to Montana, to the new frontier ministries, new frontier ministries. Yeah. And being reminded of that truth. That was, I believe all part of God's plan in helping me to make this transition into business was saying your identity is not a pastor because you think that, right. Like you think I got called to ministry when I was 18 years old, you know, went to college for it. Got my master's for it. Like, you know, just thought this is a lifelong thing. And it's not that I'm not a pastor anymore. I guess if that makes sense. I still had those gifts, like Romans 11, 29 says the gifts and the calling of God are given without repentance. So I still have those giftings that God put in me to shepherd people. I'm just doing it differently in the marketplace, but I'm doing it out of the identity of a son of God. Not as a pastor. I'm not, I'm not vocationally a pastor anymore.
(30:36): Yup. That's great. Going back to that question that I had you journal on for 30 minutes made you think I don't need to be a pastor. Well, what was the big revelation you had?
(30:46): Yeah, it wasn't so much that I didn't need to be a pastor. It was just that I'm completely accepted. I'm completely loved. I don't have to be any certain thing to measure up to God. I'm completely loved by him in just being a son. Not, I guess it's to say it this way. Being a son is a position, not a condition. And I think oftentimes we start to look at our relationship with God as conditional. Like if I do this, then he will do this. Or if I behave this way, then this will impact my relationship with him this way. And the reality is we don't have to do anything. I were positionally accepted and loved deeply by him as sons of God. Yeah, yeah,
(31:47): Yeah, no, that's good. And then, but then, so then it does kind of come time to do, to do the work, to grow the business. And then that is when we do it to the glory of God or we do it to pursue excellence in his name.
(32:02): For sure. Yeah, absolutely. I mean, for me, like I was just having this conversation because I was wearing the new frontier shirt the other day, you know, you're never more man than when you're living as a son. And as I was explaining that to my kids, I was saying, you know, what I know to be true is that I'm a man of God in what I do. So that means I treat people with integrity. I handle my business with integrity. I do what I say that I'm going, do you know? I follow through I, yeah, like you said, do things with excellence. And I think there's a challenge for us in our identity as image bearers, right? We're just like with our own family, we tell our kids, you know, you, when you go outside with your friends and you're hanging out, you're representing more than just yourself. You're representing our family, you're representing my business. You know, there, there are other people that are impacted by your choices that you make. And that's true for us too. Right? As sons of God, we represent our heavenly father and what people view of him is in the world. Yeah.
(33:29): Oh, that's good. That's good, Jeremy, thank you very much. I love the idea of, you've mentioned a few different times and it's a phrase I like, and I think about is that recalibration, I will talk with leaders at different times, right?
(33:43): They almost think that the day is set
(33:45): For them until they go to bed. I just want to go to bed and start tomorrow will be a new, fresh day. Or man, this week is awful. I can't wait until next week or this month. And I love how you've called it out a few different times where no, I can put a stake in the ground
(33:58): On that this morning was awful.
(34:01): I didn't get any phone calls back or I didn't take massive action.
(34:05): Or maybe I wasn't truly living.
(34:07): I mean, as a son, I was becoming more selfish or whatever it could be, but it's like, I'm putting a stake in the ground and I am reading
(34:13): Calibrating. I'm basically taking back the day and I'm going to make the second half stronger. Yeah. The rest of this week stronger. And is there anything you do to put that stake in the ground and recalibrate? Yeah, I, I don't, I'm sure you're familiar with the book extreme ownership and they, the written by maybe seals, they talk about the stock bill effect and they talk about, you know, prisoners of war being in captivity who didn't make it versus the people who did make it. And they say that people who didn't make it, they took every day as its own day. And they think about the future. They didn't go into or obsess about, you know, what happens if, and so for me, that Stockville effect is very important because I just think today I'm going to work hard. And sometimes I have to say for the next hour, I'm going to work hard. Or, you know, like sometimes I have to say, there may be one more call that needs to be made to have a meaningful conversation. Yup. That's great. Yeah. Instead of
(35:34): Losing sight of everything, it's just grabbing hold of that moment. Yeah. In
(35:38): A moment being present. And I think for me, sometimes it is kind of throwing in the towel for the day and saying, you know what? This is going, recognizing where I'm at. This is going nowhere. Like I'm having diminishing return. My energy is bad. I'm probably not coming across very good to people if I do get in touch with them. So I'm going to throw in the towel again, go recalibrate, reset for the day and I'll be better tomorrow. Yup. That's good. Well, a lot of great
(36:13): Things here, Jeremy, thank you very much. And just kind of fun and on just a couple of different questions
(36:19): Is what are you reading right now? Yeah. So I'm reading two books right now. One is the 10 X by grant Cardone. The massive action. Massive action yet. And the second is atomic habits. I'm just beginning that one. And, but I'm enjoying both of those books right now. I think probably 10 X is more motivating to me than it is anything it's not so practical, you know, but atomic habits is more on that practical side of things. Right.
(36:53): I just received my atomic habits
(36:55): The other day. So that's good. And then what are you most excited about in the next 30 days? That's a good question. I'm trying to think you know, professionally, I've got some significant prospects that could materialize in the next 30 days, but personally I think I'm looking forward to a little bit of return to normal rhythms and excited about my kids starting back to school, even though they're going to be virtually starting back, it's going to give them something to do during the day, which will be good. And I think, you know, my, my oldest son is going back to college, so they are starting school as normal. So it's been great having him home since March, but it's not for him to go. That's right.
(37:51): College has got to get the people back on the canvas because no, one's going to pay tuition that I
(37:56): To virtual learn. Right. Ah, that's awesome. And,
(38:00): And how can my listeners reach out to connect with you?
(38:04): Yeah. Feel free to reach out on LinkedIn. Also they can email Jeremy dot self@edwardjones.com. Awesome. Happy to connect. Great.
(38:15): Well thank you very much, Jeremy. Appreciate it. And the friendship I want to thank you for listening to my podcast. When at home first, I am so grateful to hear from listeners like you, that this content has been helpful. So now I would love for you to pay it forward. I want to get this message in the hands of more listeners. We need leaders to be winning both at home and at work, especially during this time. So please take a minute to share this episode with somebody you think would find value in it, as well as rate and subscribe as a thank you, please visit my website at corymcarlson.com to download a free resource that people are finding value in. Thank you very much.
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