It's time to rip the cover off what really works to ditch addiction, depression, anger, anxiety, and all other kinds of human suffering. No, not sobriety. We're talking the F-word here: Freedom. We'll share, straight from the trenches, what we have learned from leaving our own addictions behind, and coaching hundreds of others to do the same—and since it's such a heavy topic, we might as well have a good time while we're at it. [00:27.6]
Bob: Welcome back to the Alive and Free podcast. Today, we're going to kind I want to take you through the stages on the journey to freedom. Now, this is a very, I think this is exceptionally important. A lot of people come to me and they're looking to try and figure out how they can find freedom from whether it's an addictive behavior, like looking at pornography or bingeing on food or going to drugs or something like that, or whether it's depression and anxiety or, or any number of other things, including auto-immune diseases, chronic pain and so on. And they're coming to me because they want help. They want freedom. And I think it would be helpful because a lot of times along the way, they're like, well, how am I doing? Have I gotten it yet? And there's a lot of concern and worried because there isn't a roadmap in their mind about what it looks like, what the trip to freedom looks like and where they might be along the way. A lot of people want a roadmap and as best I can, I'd like to paint one for you today. [01:31.3]
There is danger in this, I should warn you in advance. The danger is you're going to make up what you think it means. Meaning you're going to hear my words and then whatever your life experience has been, you're going to draw from that and imagine a fantasy about what all this stuff means. And as a result, very often, because you haven't maybe experienced some of these things before, you're going to get it wrong. You're going to have an image that's like a vague pointer that you think is one thing. And then later on, when you realized it was something totally different, you go, oh, that's it. Oh, that's it. Okay, cool. I got it. So, there is some danger in that. But I think it's worth the trip if I can paint it in good enough terms. The second danger of it is that it's too easy to turn this into a diagnosis. Oh, this is where I am on the trip. The reality is as much as this is a little bit of a continuum, meaning, Hey, I'm starting on one end at zero and I'm going all the way to five or what 10 or whatever the end goal is freedom. Along the way, there are certain areas of your life where you are freer than in other areas. So even in one person, it's really hard to say, oh, well, you're here on this spectrum. Because there may be some areas of your life where there is incredible freedom, whether it's financial freedom, whether it is emotional freedom, whether it's it has, it has to do with freedom of ability and physical things or prowess, whether it's health and health freedom, or any number of other thing, mental freedom, whatever it is along the way you have a tremendous amount of freedom in some areas in other areas not. And so, it's really easy to kind of miss the boat and think, okay, cool. [03:11.6]
Well, if I have that freedom here, that's where I am. And then as a result, we ignore the other places where we might still be stuck. So, as I'm painting this picture for you, what I'm doing this for is to help you see how to figure out where you're at, at any given moment, not as a label, not as an identity and not as a diagnosis, but when you're busy in the middle of searching for something or trying to find freedom, when you can look and see it, what the markers are of what's going on in your life, you can figure out where you're at on this continuum. Okay. So here we go. [03:43.7]
The journey to freedom or the stages of freedom from anything, look a little bit like this, from what I've seen in my experience. And again, there is some crossover, but the first stage is really that of being a victim. Or these are people that have been lost, stuck, abused, traumatized, or whatever else. And they feel like life has it in for them, or God has it in for them or people have it in for them or that they were given a body that just won't work and they're a victim to that. Or their circumstances just aren't the same and they're not the lucky ones or whatever else it is. I have lived in this space many, many times in my life and felt often like a victim of things, because I didn't realize what else was going on. And my level of freedom in that area was pretty much zilch to none. What is it that a person is craving when they're looking for freedom at this stage of the game? Well, they're looking for a savior. They're looking for someone to come along, generally speaking and pick them up from their woes and deliver them some amount of money or deliver them some amount of health or healing or listening ear or a healing bomb or something of that nature. [04:54.3]
So, people in stage one, people at the beginning of their journey to freedom are people that have finally are fed up with their life. And, but they feel victimized. They feel powerless. They feel helpless. Often you will find this language inside of 12 step programs where people are saying, I am helpless to this. I am helpless to that. They're looking for some other power outside of themselves to save them. Now, there are some people that live their whole lives in this, in this area. And I want to be sure that I'm, that we're not sitting here thinking that these people are the lowest of the low, the bottom of the totem pole or anything of that sort, because people who truly truly give themselves to this idea of a savior, actually find the fastest leap all the way to freedom. That level of devotion, that level of willingness to no longer be in charge to no longer be in control, to no longer be the one who calls the shots to no longer anything and to finally just accept the benevolence of some other being or some other person or some other circumstance, that kind of devotion is exceptionally powerful in a life. And it can be the, and most joyful way to freedom that I've ever experienced. And I've sadly, I'm, I, I'm still working on the whole devotional side of my life. And it isn't perhaps the most, the strongest aspect of my sojourn on the planet let’say, because I I'm a little bit skeptical and I've developed my mind so much that often it doesn't allow me to just give myself fully to something. And so, I've had to go in another route, which is fine. It also works really well. [06:23.9]
So, as I'm saying this, we're, we're looking at people who are stuck in a place of victimhood, and they're looking for a savior. Now, a great many people live their whole lives in this area, they have no interest in changing. Now, what are some of the resources that these types of people go to? If we're talking about homeless people, they'll go to food banks or they'll go to street corners and ask for help. If we're talking about people who are ill and whatnot, they'll constantly sometimes often complain to their friends, looking for pity or, or compassion for somebody to come and do things for them. If we're looking at people who are struggling with addiction, for instance they'll often they'll and be in 12 step programs or other types of programs where they're looking for a counselor or a friend or someone to come and save them and bail them out of things. And they'll treat a lot of things like an emergency. I know I did a lot. And then they'll find that comfort in religion as well. Religion very much has this idea of a savior coming to help you. And there's nothing wrong with that. It's an exceptionally powerful thing. [07:22.1]
If unlike me, most of all, most of the time, I have had moments of it for sure many beautiful moments, but if you're able to really give yourself to it, that can be a really beautiful and powerful aspect of life. So that's one of the stages and it's often what I would call the first stage of freedom. Someone's seeking freedom all the way. Now, even in religion, a person seeking to be saved by Jesus is still seeking to become like Jesus, meaning that they're also eventually, if they're going all the way down that path seeking to become a person who can dispense freedom and not just receive freedom. And so, there is more of a journey to take, and there is more development to take the question is, are you going to suffer that? Well, most of us do, sorry. Most of us are down on ourselves in some way, shape or form, but there is more development, nonetheless. Okay. [08:14.2]
So, the first stage of, of really looking for freedom is that of a victim looking for a savior. Now, for many people that gets old, many people get fed up, they get tired, they see the emptiness in constantly looking at their surroundings and feeling powerless and feeling helpless. And so, then they start running around looking for something different. Those people then move to the second phase that I would call and that stage they're looking for control. These are people looking for tools and tactics and techniques to be able to control specifically their circumstances and their feelings about things. Now, this is something that I teach people. I teach people some tactics and techniques along the way in order for them to be able to do that. If they're in the stage where they're seeking control, this is a very, very powerful thing to seek. So, when you're in that space where you're fed up with being a victim, the next thing along the path, from what I've seen the most logical and natural progression for people is to start seeking some level of control. That might be in the form of education, where you're looking to understand something so that you have a better idea of what to do with it. That might be in the form of actions and techniques or programs, if we're looking in business world, for instance. People look for scripts and templates and exact one to sequences in order to do things and they go talk to the gurus and they try and figure out what is the exact steps I need to take to do. Just tell me what to do, and I'll go do these tactics. [09:38.9]
And in some way, shape or form, they're doing these tactics in order to change their external environment. And in order to build within themselves a sense of control, a sense of ability to be able to have some power in the world and that power in the world now makes them feel more free. It gives more of a feeling of freedom. I know for instance that if I walk into a room and someone happens to show me some pornography or someone or some pornographic image shows up, I know exactly what I can do to delete that from my mind. Likewise, I know that if I'm in a room where someone is upset or angry with me, I know exactly what I can do in order to dissipate the stress from my body, so that I'm clear and open and able to function. That is a level of control. And within that comes a lot of freedom because I'm no longer affected as much by external circumstances. And now the freedom is starting to be generated from inside. [10:31.5]
Now, if you happen to be at this stage where you're looking for specific tactics, specific understanding, there is nothing wrong with that. That is a beautiful place to be. I spent a long time there searching all over the globe for specific tactics and techniques and the ones that worked work, the ones that didn't work, didn't work. And I gathered them and I tweaked them and I adjusted them for me and for how it worked for me and all of that other jazz. But at a certain point, I realized just how empty that search was. And it had to come from a realization if someone had told me, no, that's pointless. Don't go looking for tactics and techniques. That's not the way to freedom. I would have been like, what are you talking about? I don't know how to do this. So, if you find yourself asking questions, but how do I, that means in some way, shape or form, you're looking for control. You're looking for a tactic, a specific, actionable item that allows you to change the circumstances. [11:25.4]
Now, when I saw the emptiness of that, it went along the lines of this Holy Cow, sure. I can delete all the porn from my mind. I can clear out all of the emotions that I'm dealing with. I can actually get rid of depression when it shows up. But if this, is it, if this is real freedom, that means for the rest of my life, I'm going to be continuing to fight off depression every time it comes. I'm going to be continuing to have to be afraid of something coming back, when I don't know if it's going to come back or not. I'm going to have to continue just practicing this all the time. And there was a certain emptiness and a certain disappointment in that recognition. And so naturally the next natural phase for me step for me, was to start looking for root causes and solutions that would affect change. I was no longer looking for control. I was looking for permanent lasting change. That meant I had to give up some level of control because the person controlling it was the person I wanted to change. It was a little bit of a freaky moment, but it wasn't too freaky because it felt like just control on steroids, for instance. Sure. If I'm on the outside of the wheel of life, right. This is where I'm at in terms of freedom on the outside of the world, that wheel of life, one tiny movement like moves at ton, right. [12:45.5]
My, my circumstances are affecting me no matter what. I'm, I'm on the wheel and I'm bumping on all the rocks and all that other stuff. But if I start to move in toward the center and I start to move to the rim of the wheel, instead of the tire itself, I'm no longer as effected by the rocks and the bumps on the side. I'm still moving at great speed. I'm still being moved around a bunch, but I'm not being as affected by the outside environment, by the outside world. I've moved a little bit more toward the center of the wheel, right. Well, when we move toward handling root causes and root shoes, that means we're moving up the spokes toward the hub of the wheel up the spokes, towards the hub of the wheel. That means we're, we're still on the spoke, but we're up now toward the center. That means a smaller movement, a smaller change in the spoke makes a greater change on the outside, in the outside environment, which means if I can resolve some core issue, something that's going on within me, the cause of all of this depression or anxiety or stress or boredom or loneliness or overwhelm or burnout or frustration or disappointment with life or any of those things, if I can, if I can dissolve the cause of those, then I stop having to deal with them when they come up because they stop coming up. [13:59.9]
This for me was a massive leap in terms of my ability to feel free in the world. Because I wasn't spending so much energy fighting off all the negativity. I was in a place where the negativity didn't show up and I had massive stretches of time where life was this beautiful, wonderful place to be. Now a lot of people who live in this realm and there's again, in every, every level of this, there are people that will stay their whole lives there. There's a lot of people that love the whole idea of control and we'll stay there and there's nothing wrong with that. Here in this third layer, when we're on the spoke of the wheel, there are people that call, they call this belief work or dealing with limiting beliefs or core issues or root issues or the root causes or whatever else you want to call them, those are common terms. [14:48.4]
And it is like an intoxicating high when you discover a method like the one, I created to literally take anything that has been controlling your life and your reactions and your emotions and dismantle it and dissolve it so that it doesn't return, then you were free of all those reactions. And it's like, wow, I just found the secret to the universe. And so, then I spent a lot of time running around looking for all of these core issues and anytime anything would come up, I'd find out what was it, the root of it. And I would dissolve, dissolve that and dismantle it and that lasted me for a good long time. Until once again, there was a recognition that there's a level of emptiness in it. Just as with the second level where I was seeking control and tactics and techniques and tools at this level, I realized it doesn't matter how long I live, if I continue down this road, I will always be finding some other root issue, some other core beliefs, some other, something to change. And I don't want to spend my life chasing problems. I don't want to spend my life chasing these root issues. [15:49.7]
It was at that point in time that I had a crisis, because I realized that that meant I had to give up all control whatsoever. And I had to start seeing the world in a really different way, rather than seeing myself as a person who was imperfect, who needed to move forward and had things to fix. And that if I continued on that path, I was a good person. And then eventually, maybe one day I would have chained attain some level of perfection or some level of mastery or some level of something spiritual goodness. I had to let go of that whole judgment of myself and start to look deeper inside. If I wanted to get to the hub of the wheel and not just be on the spoke. If I wanted to get to the place where the tiniest little movement, the tiniest little movement makes a massive change in my external environment that I needed to let go of this whole notion of fixing myself. [16:40.4]
So, this next layer of freedom, which not many people are interested in, a lot of people love this idea of having control and being a person who knows how to find and resolve a core issue. I know how to do that. It's not difficult. And I go there if needed for people, other people, or for myself, if I happen to have had a moment in a day where I dipped down to that level of freedom. Or I'll even use tactics and techniques, if in a moment in the day I went down lower. And so, during the day, you'll go up and down through all of these different levels of freedom. But at a certain point, I realized that I didn't want to spend my life chasing down all of these things to fix inside myself. That I was missing the miracle of life by constantly being the person who judges himself as in some way, shape or form not good enough yet. And I had been reading in scriptures and I, and, and from all kinds of different traditions, not just Christian scriptures, you know, even the Bhagavad, Gita and other places where there's this sense that if you're busy judging something, then you're not in touch with reality. [17:44.1]
If you or someone you know is looking to drop the F-bomb of “Freedom” in their life, whether that's from past trauma, depression, anxiety, addiction, or any other host of emotional and personal struggles, but they just don't know how or wants some help doing it. Head on over to thefreedomspecialist.com/feelbetternow and check out some of the things we've got in store for you or book a call so we can look at your unique situation and get you the help that you're looking for. [18:12.1]
And as I sat down and I pondered what was going on, I realized that this chasing of perfection was totally misguided. That if I was chasing perfection, I wasn't in touch with reality. See, because there is a, when a tree is there, that tree, which tree in the world would you call perfect. All of them are perfectly trees. All of them are exactly as they were intended to be. And the only reason anybody would call a tree imperfect, it was of a human came along and decided they didn't like the way the tree was and wanted something different. And so, they would call it imperfect or missing something. And then they would go and try to adjust it or just label it or whatnot. But that tree isn't just a tree. It started as a seed. What seed in the world would you call imperfect? Well, maybe you would say the seeds that don't grow, but how do we know which seeds are going to grow or not until we nurse them. And then when it starts to grow, it's a sprout is the sprout imperfect. And then when that goes, it's it, it now has a green shoot in it is the green shoot imperfect. And eventually that grows up and grows a branch. And then now it's a different shape. Is that perfect or imperfect at every stage, along the way, it is still that, which it was created to be perfectly that, which it was created to be. Complete and whole, as such. Every tree will look a little bit different. Every tree will grow a little bit different, and yet all of them are perfectly exactly what they are. [19:37.8]
If I am willing to offer that to every species on the planet, whether it's a tree or an insect or a cheetah or a bird, whatever it is, if I'm willing to offer that acceptance to every other animal on the planet. Why is it that I was busy saying that humans are imperfect? I had learned to call humans imperfect. It had been taught to me from the time I was a kid that we're all imperfect and we all need to get better and we all need to improve, but nobody really had any clue what that meant. There were a lot of vague ideals and ideas associated with it. But when I really looked with my own eyes, I just saw a bunch of human beings who are perfectly human beings, taking actions and having thoughts that were making for a, not so happy experience, but that doesn't mean that they were imperfect at all. And so, I had to sit back and start to look at myself and see beyond all the judgments I had made over all those years and start to recognize that even though I was still a tree growing and would one day bear different types of fruit and all kinds of other stuff at the moment, there was still nothing wrong with me. [20:46.8]
Nothing imperfect, nothing to fix. The only thing needed was to nourish the tree. And I had spent so much of my life trying to be something different than I was made to be, that I wasn't growing as fast as I would like. The irony is the people that are busy trying to do personal development are often people that are stuck in the same circles over and over again. But the people that are busy and total self-acceptance and accepting the, the glory of what they are and willing to just nourish that they tend to grow exceptionally fast and they tend to blossom and change in ways that are surprising to people, because they're no longer busy judging the creation of who they are as something problematic or needs fixing. It's the height of arrogance, in my opinion, for a human being to sit there and say, God, or whoever the creator is made this entire cosmos absolutely fantastically everything working in harmony. But you know, on this one called Bob or on this one called Jill or on this one called whatever he really messed up. I know because I, you know, I have a clear vision and I can see everything. And I know the end from the beginning. Oh, I can tell that God really messed up on this one. So, God hold my beer, I'm going to go and fix this one. I'm going to do some personal development because you flubbed it to me. That is the height of arrogance. You will grow if you simply nourish what is there, but it's not you growing it's naturally going to happen. If you'll simply start accepting and being with what's there. [22:16.6]
So, the fourth layer of freedom, the fourth layer of freedom that I've experienced and not consistently all the time, but a lot is this complete realization that as a being, there's absolutely nothing to fix. And what's ironic about that is that realization now made all of the other things in the past, easy to change. I didn't have to go searching for root issues. I didn't have to do anything. All that I was dealing with was this one moment in time. So, I wasn't dealing with an 18-year-old addiction, or I wasn't dealing with 30 years stuck in this one place. Or I wasn't dealing with an old story from my youth or a past trauma or anything like that. I was literally only ever dealing with the only thing that exists, this moment. It's simplified everything and brought a layer of freedom that I don't even know how to begin to describe to people because I get to be in places where people can be upset with me, mad, they can be having a horrible time. They can be going through all kinds of things. They can be blaming me for it or others. It can be intense physically or emotionally, or even spiritually for some people. [23:24.6]
And I'm perfectly happy. My wife can be having a miserable time. Shouldn't be blaming me for it. And I can be joyfully there just helping her out while she's having a moment. Not that she has a ton of them, but when in the same with the kids, they can have their moments and it's not anything to do with me. There's nothing to fix. And what that means is I'm more capable of loving, more capable of compassion, more capable of being there with the ability to help them let go of their misery and their suffering. And that all came from a realization that there was really nothing to fix inside of me in the first place. That may be just maybe the creator, maybe the creator did a great job on all of us and maybe it's our own arrogance and saying that he didn't meant he should have done something different that's the cause of so much suffering. [24:13.0]
Now that moved me to the hub, to the place in the wheel, where the tiniest little shifts in perception, the tiniest little expansiveness and how I feel and see the world and myself has created massive changes in my external environment and how I experienced the world. It takes very little effort from me, the tiniest movement, and there's lots of distance made, but there's still one other layer to a wheel. See a wheel doesn't work, unless there's an empty place in the middle around which it rotates. If there were no empty spot in the middle, no free area that was totally free, sort of unhooked, but around which everything rotated, then a wheel wouldn't function. It would just be stuck there on the wall, like some people hang wagon wheels on the wall. Getting to the center, that's a place I've only tasted a couple of times. So, I'll only like hint at what it seems like is happening here. And that is that there is a real direct realization that me as a separate being, isn't really a thing. And what I mean by that, isn't that the body isn't separate. Of course, the body is separate from other things in many ways, but everything about this body is constantly in transaction with the rest of the universe. [25:23.4]
Neutrinos floating through wireless signals, tossing through my brain. Microwaves from who knows how many different satellites and from the microwave itself, you know, scattering through the system. And electromagnetic radiation from the church, from the church, from the earth and from other people who are in my vicinity, that's all happening on the inside. Then I'm breathing air and constant transaction with the plants. And then there's also water and other food that I take in and that's gone back to the earth. The cells in this body are not the same cells that I was born with. And in many, many ways, even though I'm sitting there saying me and I, everything that I would point to as, as a permanent substance of me and I isn't there, we'll kind of cover that in another podcast episode if, if I feel like it would be helpful. But what happens is at a deeper level, there's a sense that there's something called life. Something called you may call it God, or you may call it something else, but it's inside of everything. It's powering this whole thing and it's keeping it all together and whatnot. And it feels like this whole idea of me being some individual personality disappears. And when that goes, I can't even begin to put words to the kind of freedom and love and joy and exuberance and ecstasy that shows up like everything is all right in the universe. [26:45.5]
And that doesn't mean I can't still continue to operate as a body in the world, helping people out and making sure that the world gets in a better place and that there are better conditions for survival, for people and so on and so forth. But that deeply at the center, there's a sense of total peace, total stillness, and that everything is all right. That to me, feels like the last stretch of the journey where this whole idea of me being some separate, important person, self just completely dissolves. That's the goal of the first stage on the journey. If you're a victim looking for a savior, the goal is to dissolve into God, to become one with God, to let Jesus take over or whoever else the savior is and whatever tradition it is. [27:25.1]
The goal is literally to be taken over. It's just that if you're anything like me, I had a lot of resistance to that for all the different reasons. And so, I'm, I wouldn't go on the long route apparently. Not that there's anything wrong with it, it has been beautiful experiences, but in the end, the goal is to no longer need to be some special thing, but to just be a part of life itself, just a piece of life. And that is a spectacular level of freedom. So, at each level, as you're going along, just recognize that in a given day, you may bounce up and down to scale a lot of times. And in a month, you may bounce around on the scale a lot of times, and in certain areas of your life, you may be in one area or another. But generally speaking, you can know by the desire where it is that you are, are you looking for a savior? Well, then you're still seeing yourself as a victim in many ways. Are you looking for control? Well, in that case, you're no longer wanting to be a victim, but you feel like the outside world needs to change in order for you to be okay. Are you looking for change? Well, now that means it's not the outside world that needs to change. Now, you're looking at the inside world and you're saying, this needs to change this one me. And if I shift in the outside world, isn't a problem. Are you looking for freedom? Well, then you're at this other layer. You're looking to no longer need anything to fix. You're looking to see the perfection in the world itself. Are you looking for total freedom? Well, now you're no longer seeking to be a person, but a piece of life itself, which is the most existentially important thing. All of our thoughts, all of our feelings, everything that you've ever thought felt believed, seen, whatever else, all of your experiences, all of them are only possible because you're alive. [28:56.7]
The most important thing in your life is the fact that you're alive, that you are a piece of life. And it's only because you and I have gotten myopically fixated on certain bits or certain experiences of that, that we've developed a lot of suffering. And as you back out to being just a piece of life, the kind of freedom and joy and hope that you can experience will probably surpass anything you've ever imagined in your life. [29:22.3]
And that's it for todays “Alive and Free Podcast.” If you enjoyed this show and want some more freedom bombs landing in your ear buds, subscribe right now at wherever you get your podcasts from. And, while you're at it, give us a rating and a review. It'll help us keep delivering great stuff to you. Plus, it's just nice to be nice. [29:40.5]
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