It's time to rip the cover off what really works to ditch addiction, depression, anger, anxiety, and all other kinds of human suffering. No, not sobriety. We're talking the F-word here: Freedom. We'll share, straight from the trenches, what we have learned from leaving our own addictions behind, and coaching hundreds of others to do the same—and since it's such a heavy topic, we might as well have a good time while we're at it. [00:27.6]
Bob: Alright, welcome back to another episode. Today, we're going to talk about motivation and motivation killers. Oh, my goodness. There are so many times where I wake up or I have woken up in the past, or I hear clients come and tell me this or other people talk about how they're just not motivated. I watch my kids not motivated to do things and I've, I've just looked at this over and over again. And there's so many times when people, they really want change in their life, they want something to shift and they struggle with this thing called motivation. So, what do they do? They go to motivational speakers or they scroll YouTube or they listen to Tony Robbins talk or somebody else, or they listen to an inspiring like video montage and they get really pumped up to manipulate themselves like we talked about a couple of weeks ago into doing things. [01:20.1]
And it's funny because it's an entirely and it's an extra step. Just like sometimes trust in a relationship is an extra step that is not needed. You just have to be there, right. And be open and let it all happen. You don't have to trust it, just pay attention. Same with motivation. I need to do X, but I am not motivated. So, I need to get motivated so I can do X. No, no, still you only need to do X, whether you're motivated or not, motivation can help, but whether you're motivated or not, you still need to do, you still need to do X and that's all you need to do. You don't need to go get motivated. And I have confused this so many times in the past, it's spent so much time motivating myself and, you know, doing declarations in a room where I'm reading the set of affirmations to epic music. And my kids loved being in the room because it was super inspiring and the hair would raise on the back of my neck and dingell. And I'd make shouting at the top about my lungs, about how I'm perfect and I'm awesome and I, this, that, and the other, and. Those are beautiful experiences and they took time and they would motivate me for a little bit and then I would get into the thing and then motivation would die. [02:25.8]
And so, then I would look, come up with little hacks like, oh, cool, well, let me make a list. And some of these still work, it's not that they're bad. Let me make a list of all the things I have to do and I'm going to spend three minutes on each one. And if I get in three minutes and I want to quit, I give myself permission to quit. And then obviously after three minutes and you're like, I've already started, let's finish this thing up. And so, it was a little baby step way of doing it, or what is the smallest thing I can do that would still move this forward? And so, I would take baby steps. These are all cool things that you may or may not want to try. That's wonderful, but it was all because of this heightened idea about motivation. And this lie that I've been told that, you know, in many ways and been parroted to me that my mindset is most important and my motivation and like, you need to feel about it a certain way. And you've got to get yourself into the right mind frame and all this other stuff instead of simply get up and do. I also on the flip side was not interested in the whole push through the pain, life is miserable, you just got to do these things stuff. So, I was in this weird quandary. [03:22.0]
I didn't want to feel bad doing stuff, and I didn't necessarily want to do the things. And by the same token, I didn't want to spend all the effort to go motivate myself so I could do something I didn't want to do. All right so, let's pause here at the beginning and look at it. If your life is built, doing a lot of things that you don't want to do, maybe it's time to reassess what you're doing in your life. Start saying no to the things that you just don't want to do and start saying yes to more of the things that are actually interesting to you. Those may evolve over time. One simple tip for this is to go make what we call a playlist. I think I've told you guys about this before, but just go write a list of all the things that make you come alive and start doing one of those every day, you know, and they can be small things and big things and whatever else and do them with other people and see how that works out and just start filling your life with things you like. But there are some times, many times, at least there have been. And maybe that's because of the level of consciousness that I'm at, where I'm not in a place where I'm just full all the time of total love and, and inspiration and capacity to do whatever it's called upon, many times I am, but many times I'm not. [04:31.2]
And so yes, there are times where I'm asked to do something and the first response is they had go and then roll my eyes. I mean, inwardly, right? I won't roll them as me as a person, but on the inside, all of my energy sinks in, it feels like I just carried, I just picked up another 20 pounds on my shoulders or something. And so, okay, those happen, well, where is the motivation dying? I want to talk about two motivation killers, two things that may be stopping you from accomplishing the things you want to accomplish and keeping you from your dream or from the life that you want. And each one of these they're linked in some ways, but each one of them is unique in its own right. And I've seen this over and over and over again. And if I can spare you years of trying to figure this out so that you have a simple process of going like, oh, this is what's happening. No wonder I'm not motivated. This might be useful. [05:32.3]
The first one it has to do with dreaming, not dreaming too big necessarily, but trying to take more steps than you can at any given time, right? So where are you right now? Are you in your office? Look around your office, how close is the door, right? Are you in a car? Look around your car. You know, how close is the door handle on the other side, right? Or the thing in the backseat, or what's in the trunk of the car? Are you on a walk? You know, how close is that fence? That's like a good 20 yards off. I told you how far away it is or look around you. Look at some things that are a little distant. If you had to stop where you're at right now and I told you, your next move must be that you have to have that thing in your hand, or, or you have to be out the door of your office or whatever. Could you do that in move? Be honest. Could you do it in one movie or would it take multiple steps? Multiple? Like if you're in your chair, it would take getting up out of the chair and then taking a step toward the door, then possibly opening it and then stepping out the door. That's four steps. [06:39.7]
And if you are demanding that you be out the door right away, your motivation to do that, if you're, if you are required, okay, be outside. It's like me asking you to operate into Hogwarts, right? Your motivation to do it is good. You'll just chuckle and laugh or laugh it off or get frustrated if people keep demanding it of you, but there will be zero motivation to even try because your brain says, this is impossible. Do you see what I'm talking about? I was standing on top of Camelback mountain in Mesa area in Scottsdale, Arizona looking out at the white mountains, down to the Southeast. It was the first time I'd seen them and I was looking out there going like, oh wow, those are the white mountains. Cool. That, I mean, those look like cool places that maybe I could go visit. And I had this sudden brainwave that said, if I had to go from here to there directly one, I would have to walk on air because I was already on top of a mountain and to go straight, there would mean I'd have to go straight there. [07:34.8]
Two, it would mean to go some distance that I don't even know. So, I started looking off in the distance and I started noticing, oh my goodness, there often the distance is this beautiful mountain range and whatnot. I don't know how far that is. I don't know how many days it would take to travel. Are there going to be bandits, wolves, coyotes, rattlesnakes, how much water am I going to need? What provisions? I don't know what I need to do. And so, I was like, I don't know. So, I turned my gaze a little downward toward the edge of the greater Phoenix area. And I could see some, you know, kind of houses in the edge of the freeway there. And I was like, okay, well that would probably take, I don't know, maybe a day or maybe a few hours. I don't know how long it would take to get there. I still don't know how much water I would need or whatnot. So, I lowered my gaze further and I saw the roads right around the base of the mountain. And I was like, okay, that I could do. And I started to feel this sense of clarity, like, oh, that I can do. Yeah, we'll will take a couple hours. It might take some work, whatnot, but whatever. And so, then I lowered my gaze further down to the next peak down. And I was like, oh, that, that maybe 30 minutes to get there. That'd be fine. And I started to feel more possibility inside my body. Like, oh yeah, duh, that's easy. And then I lowered my gaze further to a boulder that was about five feet in front of me. And I went looked at it and I was like, oh, piece of cake. And I actually took the step. [08:47.6]
I didn't need to motivate myself to do it. I didn't need to talk myself up. I didn't need to come up with a cool future story. I didn't need to do any of that stuff. The step that was one step away, I just took, it happened on its own, easy peasy. Because I already knew the direction I wanted to walk. When you're setting goals, you need to know what direction you're headed. But the only reason to know any of the other steps is so that you can figure out what clearly step one is. [09:15.6]
If you or someone you know is looking to drop the F-bomb of “Freedom” in their life, whether that's from past trauma, depression, anxiety, addiction, or any other host of emotional and personal struggles, but they just don't know how or wants some help doing it. Head on over to thefreedomspecialist.com/feelbetternow and check out some of the things we've got in store for you or book a call so we can look at your unique situation and get you the help that you're looking for. [09:43.7]
One time, I was on a flight to California last year and I was looking out the window and I had my camera up. And I wish I could show you the pictures because they're incredible. I had my camera up; I was looking out the window and I saw this beautiful sunrise coming up; cause I had caught a red eye flight. So, this beautiful sunrise happening, and I'm looking at the sunrise, and I was going, wow. And I look at the camera and the inside of the cabin is completely, almost dark black. And so, then I change it and I turned the focus of the camera and not out the window. But I, you know how you can tap on the camera and it'll focus on different parts, but onto the seat next to me. And all of a sudden, the cam the cabin around me is in perfect light. I can see everything in clear detail and of course the window is washed out and I can't see the sunset as well. This happens in life all the time. When you're looking off into the distance, often you can see beautiful, colorful tones and fantasy fantastical possibilities out in there, but it leaves your present moment, your current surroundings, utterly black. And it feels like it's way too far away. And you won't, you can't move anywhere to see it. [10:51.4]
But if you're willing to simply look there and then start focusing on your immediate surroundings, what happens is the future actually looks brighter because it washes out and your present environment starts to brighten up as well. And it's easy to see what it is you're doing and where you're going. Too many people get motivation, sucked out of them and lose all capacity to move because they're busy trying to take any step, but step one. The only step you can ever take is step one. Anybody trying to get you to take step two before step one is asking you to do the impossible. And too many people are trying to take step four or 20 and thinking it's step one. They're thinking too big when really, they need to break it down into smaller pieces. Because step one is easy to take. Always. It's always one move away. It's always one thing to do. It's always, we're always within your grasp. Anything beyond that is impossible. And that's why you're losing motivation because you're dreaming too big in some ways. You're looking off the distance and wanting to be there now, instead of taking what you're looking off into as a beautiful experience, a dream to have, and then looking down at your environment and thinking step one now. [12:04.3]
Big difference. Okay. So, as you're dealing with this, recognize that one motivation killer is that you're dreaming too big and you're trying to take step two or three or 20 or 16 or 45 before you take step one and the only step you can take a step one, cause guess what? Once you do that, the next step you take will be your next step one. You can't take step two ever. You can only ever take the step-in front of you. And that's an important thing to recognize that will help keep you moving and keep your motivation alive. And one question you can ask is, am I trying to take any step other than step one? Is this really step one in order to get me where I want to go? And you might be surprised at how often you're trying to take too many steps in advance of the one step that you need to take. And that may be one reason why your motivation is lacking. [13:00.4]
I could go on and on about this and with lots of examples from my own life and other people's lives around how we try to put the cart before the horse, around how in a society of instant gratification, we're constantly trying to have things happen before it's possible for them to happen or out of sequence or out of order. And it builds frustration and irritation and anger and why me and what did I do to deserve this? And all kinds of turbos and root causes and things get stirred up and emotional struggles happen because we're trying to take every step, but step one. But this is exactly how navy seals are trained. The OODA loop observe orient decide act is basically, look at the situation, decide orient is what direction do I want to head? What's the goal, right? The direction, decide what step one is, decide, and then act take step one. And then what do they do? They do the whole thing over again. All right, what happened? Where are we going still? What’s step one? Act. What happened? Where are we going still? What’s step one? Act. And they fail their way to success because no previously wrought out plan ever works. [14:07.2]
Sometimes you get to the second thing you thought you would do, but more often than not, things break along the way. And so, Winston Churchill was the one who said, ‘Plans are worthless, but the act of planning is invaluable.’ Because the act of planning gets you to step one. It allows you to see clearly, oh, I need to do this. And then you can look at it again and go, oh wow, that is not going where I wanted to do. Now I need to do this. That's not what I thought I would need to do, or oh, okay, cool. All right. Let me take the next step. Either way, step one is your friend. Every other step is treacherous quicksand, and you'll find yourself stuck in the morass of lack of motivation, precisely because you're trying to take any step other than step one. All right, what's the other motivation killer then? Well, the other motivation killer is related to this, but it can be a little bit different. And that is when a person feels like they're stuck or they're overwhelmed, meaning there's too many things to do, or they feel stuck and whatnot. And this only ever happens when the option in front of you is something that you don't like. [15:13.6]
Let me say that again. The only time you will feel stuck or overwhelmed is when the options in front of you, however many there are, are options that you don't like. Can you imagine that? Let's say you have 4 million options, if you don't like any of them, you won't like it you'll feel stuck. You'll feel like you're chained down. And that life sucks. No wonder you're not going to have motivation. If you have one option in front of you, but you like it, you won't feel stuck at all. If I grabbed you and I rolled you up into a roll of carpet, bluh…bluh…. bluh…and I said, there, Hey there fella, how you doing in there? You having a good time and you hated it in there. You would feel stuck, right? Because the option you have, which is being in this role of carpet is not pleasant. But if you love that feeling, if that was a pastime of yours as a kid and you were all super cozy, how are you doing in there? Oh man, this is amazing. Thank you. I'm just going to take a little nap right here. [16:05.9]
You wouldn't feel stuck or overwhelmed because you like the option that you have. Now, the moment you wanted to get out, that might change. But for the time being, if you like it, you won't feel stuck or overwhelmed, which means you won't lack any motivation to do what it is that you're doing in that given moment, or what is demanded of you? What this means is that the key piece to overwhelmingness is, I mean, to getting to getting past this or moving past this motivation killer is to have another option that you actually like. Did you hear that? It isn't about fixing everyone. It isn't about getting motivated on YouTube. It isn't about coping with what's there. It's about creating a way of getting things done or doing things that you actually enjoy. It's a call to your creative nature. And guess what? The reason this happens most often, the reason people get to this place of stuck in overwhelm is because they often are trying to take too many steps at once. So I'm supposed to be there, but I can't, it feels impossible. Or they just weren't clear enough in what they were seeing and so they think it's one step when it's really four or they just weren't giving themselves permission to come up with out of the box, ways of doing the thing, or they feel like someone else's micromanaging them and they have to be what that other person is doing is wanting them to be and they can't do it any differently and they don't understand how to communicate or deal with that in a certain way. [17:31.3]
Either way, just recognize if you're trying to make a change in your life and you find yourself lacking motivation, it's not because there's something wrong with you. Your mind and your body are working the way they're designed to work. Of course, you're not going to be motivated to do something that you hate. Even if you're thinking, if you, even, if you believe and hold to evolution, no being is going to evolve to do things that they hate. They're going to have systems that provide pleasure for them to reward them for doing things that save their life and that build them up. Right. And so, anything that's tearing you down or destroying you is something that is not okay for your health, for your wellbeing, for your life. Only things that build you up and bring pleasure and health and happiness. Those are the things that work well. Your body is a really clear indicator. So, if your mind is stuck and you're in these dark emotional states, that's an indicator that you're not doing things in a way that works for you. And that means it's your beautiful opportunity to create and find a new way of doing it, to make a new option that you do like, and that may take finding a teammate or somebody else you can banter ideas back and forth with, or talking to your boss or talking to your wife or your kids or your spouse to find new ways of parenting or being in relationship that allow the two of you to both get what you want in a way that like something bigger happens. [18:51.1]
Too many people are trying to compromise when what you could do is instead say, what do you want? Okay, cool. Tell me all the things you want. Leave, no detail out. What do I want? Let me tell all the things I want. What can we create that allows us both to get all those things? Does that make sense? Instead of compromising and being busy, trying to like, well, let me cut this away from them and cut that away from them. And both of us sacrifice in order to make something bigger. That's not what the word sacrifice means. The word sacrifice doesn't mean don't get what you want. The word sacrifice means to make holy. You can't make something holy. If you're smearing your resentment and misery all over it, because you didn't get all that you wanted, nor can you make something holy, by being high in my writing and saying, well, I gave up what I wanted so they could have theirs. And that gives me the, you can't, that's not holiness, right? So instead of compromising and sitting here, trying to think, okay, well, because there's two people here, we can't always get what we want. Baloney, what we can say is people who say that aren't, haven't been creative enough. Haven't let themselves be creative enough to find ways to get what they want. This is your opportunity. So, in these two motivation killers, one trying to take any step, but step one and two, getting stuck in overwhelm because you haven't allowed yourself to be creative enough to create a way to do it, that you like. [20:03.7]
These two things, if you can just flip these on your heads and ask you, ask yourself, anytime you feel like there's no motivation or anything, ask yourself, oh, wait, am I, okay, am I trying to take too many steps at once? Is there, am I doing more than step one? Or, Hey, what are my options? And is it that I just don't like any of the options. You ask it, you might find that your motivation returns all by itself because you're busy trying to do the action. You're not busy trying to get motivation. It's in the action that you'll find the motivation, but that's going to come from seeing clearly what actually is step one. And what are the options that I really, really love? That comes from paying attention, looking at the situation and seeing it clearly. So hopefully this has helped you as you're going about the week. Anytime you find lack of motivation, whether it's at work, at home with your kids, your wife, or your husband, or friends, or to do chores around the house or whatever else it is, maybe step back and ask yourself these two questions. Are there other things that, that kill motivation? Yes, but I, I might even hazard to guess that most of them fit into these two categories in one way, shape or form. And a lot of them, obviously, if your life is full of doing things that you hate, maybe saying no to some of those things would also be good. But when you're just looking for motivation, this is a powerful, powerful place to start. [21:20.6]
And that's it for todays “Alive and Free Podcast.” If you enjoyed this show and want some more freedom bombs landing in your ear buds, subscribe right now at wherever you get your podcasts from. And, while you're at it, give us a rating and a review. It'll help us keep delivering great stuff to you. Plus, it's just nice to be nice. [21:38.6]
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