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Your whole life you’ve been taught the importance of having goals. Financial goals, relationship goals, employment goals. But have you ever experienced the feeling of achieving your goals… only to find yourself with an empty feeling? Somehow, the accomplishment wasn’t as fulfilling as you expected it to be.

In this episode, Ray and Christy discuss how to experience fulfillment before you achieve your goals, why you are preventing yourself from feeling joy, and a simple method for controlling your emotions when you are angry or stressed out.

Show Highlights Include:

  • The “relax and release” method for regaining control of your emotional response (2:43)
  • The valuable lesson that your day-to-day stresses and inconveniences teach you (4:40)
  • A key question to ask yourself when you begin to get irritated with someone else (5:42)
  • How you prevent yourself from experiencing peace, love, and joy (10:18)
  • The secret to enduring all your pain and struggle well (12:38)
  • The truth about why achieving goals leaves you empty (13:56)
  • Why striving for something only pushes it farther away from you (17:27)
  • Doing this is preventing you from moving forward to improve your life (32:46)

Ready to co-create the perfect life with your partner? Head over to http://bothonboard.com/ to get your free special report on “7 Game-changers for Highly Effective Entrepreneurial Couples” and level up your life, business, and relationship.

Read Full Transcript

We can't get to what's real if we're living based on our past. We're living an illusion based on our past. It's what's going on 10 years ago. It's what's going on when you were four. And these are the things that we're measuring our current reality to. And it's just, it's an illusion because it's not real. It's not true. It's truly happening.

Hey, I'm Christy and I'm Ray. And our passion is to inspire entrepreneurial couples to cocreate the life and business of their dreams and enjoy the ride. Together, we built three successful businesses. We have a beautiful three year old daughter and we pride ourselves on living a life by design. And our goal is to help you do the same. Are you ready to take your relationship, your health, and your wealth to the next level? If so, let’s do this.

All right, so hopefully you listened to the last episode. We spoke about the growing of consciousness, which is really what that is consciousness to be the observer, to observe what it is you're actually experiencing based on your past. So you're experiencing your feelings, you're experiencing your thoughts and you're experiencing the external world. But you're also noticing that you are not the, you are the observer, not the experience. Or you're watching yourself. I think these thoughts, you're watching yourselves feel these feelings, right? So during this, this time, as you started to do that, then you can start to create cleat. You can clear those, right? You can clear those things that come up. How do you clear them? How do they talk about clear men, this and this and this podcast? How do you clear these blockages that come up? Well, what he talks about is he calls it RNR. His name is Michael singer. He talks about in this course, Oh, the surrender course, how to release these. He's called rest and relax, right? So you almost take us, excuse me, let me, let me sit down before like, you know, like when Pumbaa spoke to him own cause they pulled us sit down before you hurt yourself. So relax and release. So ultimately what you want to do is like almost in your body, not lean back and rest and relax and begin to like let that come up and come through you because it's dying to get out.

(02:12): And I think he also talks about the pause, right? So he gives a lot of different examples in the, in the in the course. But one of the things he talks about is like the, the, the driver, right? The driver that's going too slow in front of you and it's bringing up all this stuff, right? It's hitting your stuff. It's you driving too fast, driving too slow. He's, you're going to be late. Why does he have to do that? And then all, all the while ruining your moment, right? Ruining your, your time

(02:42): Trigger a whole bunch of emotions. So now you're, you're really in a frenzy,

(02:45): Right? So it's, it's, okay. So instead of that, what do you, what can you do? And as he talks about relaxing, and he talks about being the observer. So noticing that you're having a response, noticing that you're having a reaction to this person rather than going into that frenzy, right. When we talk about this in depth, rather than reacting, you just notice it. Oh, that's bothering me, that this person is driving so slow. And he's like, sometimes I have conversations out loud. Sometimes it's just internal, like it gets the point where you and I do that sometimes do that. That's one of my things I've been practicing. It's like, Oh, maybe they have to go to the bathroom or maybe they don't feel good or maybe they just, and you and you can, there's so many ways that it can go instead of just ruining your time.

(03:27): Increasing your blood pressure, getting upset, honking right, causing all this extra ruckus. You could do that, right? There's nothing wrong. Like there's no, there's no right or wrong in spirituality. That could be an option. And if you're choosing to say, you know what, this isn't feeling good for me and it's probably not affecting the person in front of you that's driving too slow is only affecting me. And maybe the people that are in my car and maybe the people who I'm going to go see because once I get where I'm going, I'm going to be in a bad mood. So what else could I do with this? Right? And you're that observer that's seeing what's going on. You're seeing that you're getting triggered by this, that you're getting a negative response to this and you can take that whichever way you want and you can respond differently.

(04:06): And what he calls this as low hanging fruit. So he says with the drivers and he says the weather, right? So the weather is another one that Oh my God, it's going to rain and that's going to ruin this and then I'm going to get my shoes wet and [inaudible] right? We all have a, he called it low hanging fruit in the sense that these are the things that you go through daily because if you're not able to handle these little things, then handling something huge like a Coronavirus outbreak is going to be really big stuff to deal with. So when he causes the low hanging fruit, food is saying, how do you deal with the day to day stuff? Like how do you, how, how do you respond to this stuff and start to look at who's, who's be in there observing it and start to recognize that that's where you want to go, right?

(04:45): It's just something that's happening. There's no, you know the Bible that says that you can not drive fast, you should not drive slow, you should drive like it's not, it's all the stuff that's happening inside of you and that's what's causing this know, negative experience. So once you start to see that, you can start to disconnect from that stuff and then that's when you start to do the rest. That's when you can start to do the rest, the relax and release rate. It's like, Oh, this is coming up. That's so, that's so interesting. Or that's so silly. Why is it, why in the past have I let this volume? And you have start to have a different relationship with it. And in essence it starts to release the stuff because then you're no longer feeling like this is the way things need to be in order for me to be happy, and that's how things, that's how the person needs to drive, because if not, I'm going to be a miserable, you know, butthole, right? It's what is it that's going on that's causing this stuff and being the observer and saying, Oh, that's just something that's arising. Oh, that's what I'm going to just enjoy the, the, the, the, the slow drive, right?

(05:47): Yeah. I think that today we went for, and now we're going to give you an actual, this is, spirituality is very practical. I had, it took us a while to get to a place where we're actually spirituality and embodying living in this way because if you couldn't do it in a meditation and you can be the observer, then that's great, but it doesn't mean anything if you're not able to take it into your day to day. So

(06:08): Michael Singer talks about that a lot too. It's like, yeah, it's like the Mo, the monks and the and the people that go into renounce everything and they go into the woods and just meditate for the rest of their lives. Yeah, it's probably easy to be peaceful, but that's not what most of us want to do. Most of us want to continue living in society and continue growing our businesses and being parents and being, you know, married and doing all this stuff. So it's how do we bring the spirituality, and this is why we're so passionate and so inspired to continue having this discussion is how do we bring all of that spiritual stuff into the world that we live in, into the current society, into our current life and lifestyle where it can be a merging, an integration of both of it. We don't want to choose one or the other.

(06:49): Could we go move to Nepal and sit under a tree and meditate for that? We could. That's one option. And if you're choosing to find a way to do both of them, this is the practical as practical as we can get in how we are doing it, right. To give you guys obviously an example and a foundation for how it is that you can do both, right? How to integrate both sides, how to, how to be be it in, in a, in a, in a on a daily basis, not just one off and not just when it feels good or not, just when it's easy, how to, how to start to live and embody this and that's what we're working on currently. We're definitely not anywhere near where we want to be and yet having these, this awareness and the, and again, those of you that haven't listened to the prior episode, it would be great for you to go and listen to it because in an episode 55 because that's what's going to help us really start to embody this. Understanding this at a cellular level, at a, you know, at a micro level to then start bringing it into

(07:50): Or you're living it, you're embodying it and, and let's ask the higher level question because her and I had this talk and this talk is what inspired this th these two podcasts really, why is this important? Why are we doing this? Why is this right? Why? Cause let's be real. Let's, let's get to what's real. We can't get to what's real. If you're living a life, we are living a lie. If we're living based on our past and our all, all our stuff that we are not able to release, we're living an illusion based on our,

(08:18): Yeah, that's the word I was going to say. It's not so much that it's a lie. It's that it's, it's an illusion. It's, it's something that we've created and I get that. It's a lie. I know he's looking at me like, I just think that's a harsh word. It's an illusion because you're basing it off stuff that already happened in the past, but it's not currently happening right now. But it's like you're just measuring it against what's happening, what's in front of you. But it has nothing to do with what's going on right now. It's what's going on 10 years ago. It's what's going on yesterday. It's what's going on when you were four. Right? And these are the things that we're measuring our current reality too. And it's just, it's, it's, it's an illusion because it's not real. It's not true, truly happening.

(08:56): And when it does happen, it brings all that crap up for you. So let's say, you know, the past episode, Chris spoke about her grandfather and you know, passing away. And when she was at age, she wasn't able to deal with this. So now when she experiences loss like that, it brings all that up. So it magnifies the emotion. But her grandfather, God bless his heart, passed away how many years ago, how long? So when we're still carrying a lot of that, and I'm giving you an example with that one, it's pretty obvious, but we do that everywhere in our lives with whatever it is we, we, we relive that over and over again. Kind of like a broken disc or CD. We keep playing over and over again long after the event happened. Right. So till we get back to what you were saying, we'll get back to what I'm saying guys and ladies, what's real and why it, why is it so important to us right now in real talk, real, real, real, real from the heart talk.

(09:45): This is the only path, peace, love and joy. Whatever you're doing is not going to work, has not worked. And thinking that more of it will work in the future is ridiculous. It's utterly ridiculous. If you're now willing to release these things that need to be released at one or be released that are calling you to be released, you know, willing to do that. Nothing in the external world will ever give you that peace, love and joy so that you can experience that. That's always there. And guys take it from us and ladies, whether that's a monetary goal or having a relationship or having a child, guess what? You can still hit all those goals and not be fully fulfilled. One of my spiritual advisors recently told me, he goes, there's a big difference between being abundant and having a lot of money and guys that is super profound, very simple, super profound youth. We think all these things in the exterior, having a child, making more money, achieving financial freedom, like whatever that thing is,

(10:50): Okay?

(10:50): It's not set up for you to win. So what we want you to do is create this path first by clearing up all your stuff and then from a place of true choice of not in the past what you really desire. Nothing wrong with having desires and wanting financial goals, but making sure that you're being that internally first, making sure that you are abundance, that you are loved, that you are peace no matter what happens on the outside. That's the only way this game is winnable and enjoyable.

(11:20): Yeah. And I think that that enjoyable piece is, is, is big. Getting bigger and bigger for us in the sense of we're seeing this, that we're seeing this in ourselves. We're seeing it in our friends and our family and the people that we, we, you know, communicate with in our business, our vendors, like everyone, it's almost like it's a universal truth. It feels like, and maybe it's too much, but at least in this society where we're at, it's like, when I have this, then I'll be happy. When this happens, then I'll be happy. And it's that constant striving, striving, striving, and we both, when this thing, whatever that thing is on the external meets my expectations based on my past.

(12:03): Show that, that, that's that whatever I'm calling it striving. So it's getting to that place, that process. Right. And we like to say enjoy the ride. It's, it's usually not all that enjoyable. So one part is that you're missing the process, you're missing the, the beauty and the, and the, and we talked about it in the, in the prior episode, it's, you're missing like feeling that, that pain or feeling that joy, like it's all beautiful. It can all be beautiful. The good, the bad, the, the deal's gone sideways, the fight in the marriage, the kid that's, you know, not doing well in school. Like you can all enjoy the process through it, but the problem is that you're measuring up against these false beliefs, right? These false illusions that you've got going on in your head and then you're thinking that once that goes away, then I'll be happy.

(12:53): But when it does go away, are you, are you ever happier? Like you do get the new car, you do get the new job and within a couple of weeks, within a couple of months probably within a day. It's like, okay, next thing. So it's, it's almost like hello, like, and we, I, I'm saying hello to myself because I definitely do this. It's like when I get that next, you know, goal, when I hit that next day, when this happens, when we do this, thinking about the next vacation, thinking about the next goal, thinking about the next closing. None of that is going to bring it cause we've know because we've experienced before, we've gotten what we wanted and then what happens? We want something else. So what we're after is not the thing or the goal or the, you know, the item. It's the feelings that we're going to supposedly get once we get there.

(13:40): Except we can already feel those feelings before we even get there. So why wait till we get there to feel the feelings? What do we want? We all pretty much universally want the same thing. We want love, we want peace, we want connection, we want joy, we want abundance, we want health, we want vitality. We want bliss. Like if you go down the list and just start asking people what do you want? They're going to give you most likely things. Oh I want a new car. Oh I want a new house. Oh I want that. That purse, that blouse, that this, that, Oh that I want my business to do better, I want, but if you get to the core of things like why do you want that? And we talked about that in many episodes as well, why do you want it?

(14:16): It's not the thing. It's what that thing is going to give you and that thing is going to give you peace, joy, love, satisfaction. Fulfillment is something that you can feel, but if you already have that with, you've already felt that before. You can continue to feel that the reason why you don't feel that is because reality is happening in front of you and you're saying that it needs to be this exact perfect way for me to feel anything for me to feel happiness and anything else is going to make me feel not good. So it's like a double edged sword. It's like when I get this, I'll get there, but then I'm not going to feel that way because if I feel that way now, then I don't have that thing. It's like lack and and and and, and constant yearning for more.

(14:56): When you can already feel that just be the, the process is, is, is, is just relaxing and, and, and feeling like no matter what, I'm okay. No matter what, I'm good no matter what. I'm happy. And it's getting to that place. And how you get to that place is by starting to release some of this stuff and saying, you know what, that's not serving me anymore. That doesn't feel good anymore. It doesn't feel good to be a road ranger. It doesn't feel good to fight with my spouse. It doesn't feel good to constantly be at a battle with my brother or sister. It doesn't feel good to be, you know, to not have a good, a good business relationship with me, with my employees or my employer, like look at all that stuff that's coming up. And this is just obviously like for us it's like a new way of looking at it, but it's the same thing. It's like what is not serving you anymore? And just start to let those things go because you're never going to get there holding on tall. That crap

(15:44): And let's not get it twisted. Christy in the past has been a road ranger. I remember her chasing one time. She tastes a black X five. I'll never forget it. Every time I see a black six X five, this is my past. Now, every time I see a end, he took out like a something, a stick and we almost ran into him. I mean, that went on for like five minutes. I thought I was going to die. I had to win. Yeah, yeah, no, I can see where Valentina gets it from. So this energy of, of what Christie mentioned, striving this energy of striving, what it really means at times is you're striving because you're looking to get away from something or you're looking to get more of something, right? So this idea of striving is, Hey, I'm in lack of money. I want more money, so let's go strive to go make more money.

(16:39): Or Hey, I have some more money and I want more. So let's strive to do more from that place of wanting more. Again, it goes back to that, that, that, that energy of, of either lack or of attachment and neither one is going to, is going to get the fulfillment. Those two roads do not lead to fulfillment. It's impossible. So what we're, we're suggesting, and this are from a lot of the different books, and again, ladies and gentlemen we'll, we're looking for us to do is we're looking to share our path on this as we do this work. And set an example for you guys to start. If you want to do this work to really be peace, love, and joy. The energy of striving, of trying to get away from something or get more of something will never get you there. How about the energy of arrived of already not being the seeker, right?

(17:32): Striving, you're seeking. How about being the one that's found already and you found inside. So now you're not dependent on the external to show up a certain way that you think it needs to show up so that you then you can be ultimately happy. That's crazy. It's insane. But you know what, like what told one of my great friends recently, I said, look, insanity seems sane to the insane and Saturday seems saying to the insane, okay, so now we're going to go over some of these perceptions, ideas, things we had that this session of being home in the coronavirus has it allowed us to like look at different question from a place of awareness and from place of meeting this, not meeting this, but let me rephrase that. The universe has showed us that our expectations, things we thought that needed to be a certain way or not true are simply not true.

(18:26): If you're paying attention and you're being the observer, give you one of those examples. Hey babe, if we have Valentina here all day, we'd go crazy. We wouldn't get any work done and, and they're just, it'd be chaos. You has to go to the daycare and give us a little break and we can then go pick her up later. Well, two months later we just gave her to my mom today and I missed the crap out of that little girl and she's been here all the time. Like we, we, she hasn't really stayed over anywhere else. She's been here the whole time, day in day out and we've made adjustments. So that's an illusion that we, that we up to two months ago would have said this is a requirement in our life. No, no, we need this. How crazy of us. Right? And like that we're going to go over a few so that we could share with you guys like start to question some of these things in your life that aren't, that that just you used to think were a hundred percent true and really it was just an illusion. What else is one of those?

(19:23): Think for us that one of the things that we, at least for me was living in Miami, right? We are, both of our families are here. We need to live here. Our daughter is going to start school next year in kindergarten and we have to find a place that's going to be stable. And this and, and we started to, and we gotta be close to family and I think that that's another thing. And a huge thing that happened with coronavirus was like, okay, well now we don't see family. Like it just doesn't happen. It didn't happen for over a month right before things started to get a little bit looser and we started to feel a little bit safer going out. But we were home constantly working from home with our daughter at home and there was nobody else and we were fine. Like was it, did it, was it not fun, right, to not be able to see your family?

(20:11): It kind of felt a little weird, but it was fine. Like we, we, we, we realized that it's okay. Like that's not a good enough reason to be living somewhere where you don't want to live, which we've talked about in several episodes already. So it's not, it's not a, it's not a surprise or a secret living in a city or living in a place or living in a town where you have to be. Because if not, you know, you're not going to have your family. Well, people move away all the time and it's giving yourself, we talk about that too. Giving yourself the permission to want something different, to want something new, to change your mind, to feel differently other people feel to and, and, and most importantly to be judged for it. Like it's okay to not feel approval for other people based on what you're choosing to live your life as.

(20:59): And we've gone through that many times in our lives where we've, you know, sold our house where we've started working together, like all this stuff that it just, it makes sense for us and we give our, once you give yourself the permission, then everything else falls away. And that's part of these things that we've been talking about, these blockages, these, these, these illusions that we play off of that think that things need to be a certain way in order for me to be happy. And if I change my mind or if I do something differently or if I, you know, feel off about something, then I'm not a good person or I'm not going to be happier. I'm not going to get what I want. Right. And it's, and it's, it's all an illusion in your measuring yourself against these things that don't really matter, don't really exist.

(21:43): They're not real. They're not true. And that's why for us, this, this whole, you know, two months of Corona virus has been, so eye opening is just in seeing these things and, and really going back and reevaluating our five F's, our finances, our family, our fitness, our friends, our fun, our fulfillment, like all these things that we've been looking at and we've been kind of boxing ourselves in, right? Because we feel like it needs to be this way in order for it to work. And it doesn't need to be any way. It can be however you want it to be.

(22:12): And the weird thing is, you said it needed to be this way. It needed to be the way it wasn't the past. So the future always looks like the past, right babe?

(22:20): Yeah, and it's just that that is what for us has been the why we had, you know, the, the prior episode and then now this like it really getting into this, seeing what it is that we're measuring it up against. It's all illusions and it's all from the past and it's all made up by you, by me, right by, by, by the person that's in there observing is the one that's saying, okay, well I can't be happy until I have this right or I'm only going to be happy if I can find this soulmate or I can only be happy if this deal goes

(22:51): Or if I do this, what will they think of me? No, nah, like, like we used to both do that. Like what will they think of this if we do it this way or no, it has to be this for me, it wasn't what they think. For me to be more like it has to be this way and I was attached to like, no, I need to, I mean the goal work and this is how you, you know, everyone has certain patterns. They paid it by their past and that's how they're living their future. And that may not be what they really want, but they're never at a place where they can make a real choice based on a real future.

(23:17): And I think one of the biggest realizations was that, and Ray touched upon it earlier, and we can go in more into, into detail with that, but it's w we, we always talk about getting clear, get clarity, get clarity on what you want. But it's hard to know what you want when you have all these limiting beliefs inside you, which is something that we call it and all these, these things that you're measuring things up against and then you're trying to figure out what you want, what you need to do, what, what better way of doing things or a more easeful way of doing this first cleaning house. Like get rid of all that stuff. Like, let all of that stuff go. And then from that place of a clean slate of saying, okay, now that I feel like I have options now that I feel like anything is possible, right?

(23:57): I, that's one of my favorite quotes. When, when nothing is certain, anything is possible. Like now that I can come from this place of saying, okay, well, you know, what really does make me happy? Well, I'm not comparing, I'm not saying what really does make me happy based on this, you know, trauma that I had when I was 10, right? No, what really does make me happy? The observer, the person in there, the consciousness, the higher self, the higher heart, right? That person that, that not person that, what does he call it? The higher self that's in there. That's it. It's free of everything. The possibilities can be endless. But the problem with showing up to the world, the way we show up to the world is because we come with all of this baggage and all of this blocked energy and all of this crap, right? The stuff that weighs is down. And then we want to create you know, our, our dream life or our, our dream business or a dream partnership or B, be fulfilled and complete with all this baggage. So what do we need to do first? First we need to get rid of the baggage.

(24:55): I think one of the things on the old baggage, new baggage gray point baby was you want to build a new house. Well get rid of the old house first. Let's tear down the old house so we can build something a new based on what we want. Otherwise we're just going to build back the same old house over and over again, which, which, which it doesn't fully fulfill us. Or if you don't get rid of that stuff or at least take a look at it at best, well you can do is incremental marginal improvement, which really isn't fulfillment. It's just aunt's a little bit better. So you settle, right? Hey, this is a little bit better, right? So let, let's talk about some of these things that are really changed. Something simple, something as simple as Uber eats. And me realizing what Uber eats has done, what Uber eats has done is buy me time and not have to go cook all this stuff and everything else I can.

(25:43): I make the order. It's done, it gets here, it's good enough, it's flexible and I've just been so grateful for that. Like it's just really been a game changer. I can go anywhere in order for this food, like why go out and meet and do all this other stuff. Something else that showed up that was like completely different. We used to have our accountant or bookkeeper come in here and physically do us walk us through books. Well guess what? He's doing that remotely. Oh my God. It's liberating. I don't know that we're ever going to go back to him coming over, which, which again freed us up even more. Okay, well then do we have, well, she's not going balancing this then going to school. What do we have to live here? Because I haven't been able to leave or travel, but and yet revenue still coming in because everything we do is remote. Well great. So that means you don't really need to live here because Valentina has been here the whole time. No babysitter data, mom. So now what that created space for was, Hey, what if we just traveled around for a month or two in different locations and lived in an Airbnb and got rid of all her stuff?

(26:43): That became a possibility because we no longer had attachments

(26:47): From the past that kept us here. And I think it's that, that, that word space has, has come up, I think, and in many different areas, in many different ways for many different people in this Coronavirus stuff, which is, you know, even something as simple as clearing your calendar right now, you don't have all of these commitments and all of these to do's. Right? And, and, and for me, I looked at my calendar and I'm like, wow, I have nothing to do because I'm not getting my nails done. I'm not getting my, my, my, my hair done. I'm not getting my facials right. We're not going to any parties. We're not going out to eat, we're not doing any of those things. And it creates the space. And that was one of the, one of the quotes, you know, people say, I want to go back to normal, be careful what you want the, you know, not be careful, but like be intentional about what you're going to put back on your calendar, what you're going to go put back on back into your life.

(27:38): Right. Because we've basically been able to not been able to have been forced to, I I'd say for lack of a better term, to wipe the slate clean. And that's created the space for us to be able to have these realizations and, and, and have these possibilities come up because there was nothing else to do. There was no, there were no other options, there was no other commitments, there was no other. We've, we fill our, our, our time and our lives up with all of these distractions really is what it is to then say, okay, well no, I don't have time to do that. No, I don't have time to do that. No, I don't have time. Like we have nothing but time lately. Most of us, and even if you don't have the time, even if you're still, you know, working and nothing's changed, like there's so much less to do because there are no there, there are not there, there's nothing.

(28:26): We haven't been able to do anything. Everything's closed. You're home or you're working or you're going to the grocery store. That's it. Even going to the grocery store or something that we change, we're not going to the grocery store anymore. It came through Amazon, like these, these things that we thought needed to be, our realities are no longer real. So yeah, it's just, it's been glorious in terms of like what new possibilities are showing up. And I think that's, that's part of what has gotten us on this path too with the spiritual side of things is like really clearing the slate because it's not just the outside world, right. The outside world is where we live and how we interact with each other and even both onboard, right? The, the, the, the two, the couple, right, that the two people interacting with each other, but really it's all about the internal stuff. First, because all that, all that outside stuff, all it's doing is hitting your internal stuff. So creating the space inside and creating this space outside then creates the possibility for magic. Then creates the space that you need to say, okay, what do I really want? But it's hard to say what you really want when you're conditioned a certain way, when you've got all of these beliefs, when you're constantly on our autopilot, right? Going to do all the different things that you're doing. But now all of that's been removed because now we don't any,

(29:42): No, you're questioning the condition. Maybe conditioning was a great word to use there by the way, like it's all your conditioning based off your past, the way you think things need to be and all of that has been torn apart. Let me rephrase that. All that has been questioned. If you're trying to stick to the same way it was and you need it to be that way, you're only going to suffer through that.

(30:03): And, and it's also seeing, and maybe we, we, I mean at least I know for sure I have a tendency to have my Rose colored glasses on and only seeing the good and only seeing the positive and everybody has their own way of looking at things. So, so obviously we're just giving you our take on things or my take and race take. It's also just seeing the possibility, like seeing the beauty, like yes, we can all look at the negatives. We can all look at the crop, we can all look at the, at the, at the news where we can all look at the bad stuff that's happening and we, and it's all there. And if you can do something about it, great. But for the most part, there's nothing we can do about it. It's there. Either we're going to get sick or we're not either people that we know are going to get sick or they're not.

(30:41): But like there's no, there's not much that you can do there. You're home, you're with your family, hopefully got some kind of business and income going on. You've got your food and that's it. There's nothing else. So you get to create that, that, that, that, that possibility, right? That, that new way of being and seeing what it is from that old life that you really want to continue to keep and that you really want to continue to, to, to, to live. Because if all of that stuff was making you miserable anyway, then don't put it back in. You have the choice now. That's awesome baby. That's beautiful. I think that's been my biggest realization is like, you know, I love, well we had, we've had up until this point and it's created the space to say, okay, what do I really want to put back in?

(31:25): Like now I, I love meditating outside, in the, in the, in, in, in our balcony. I love stretching out there. I love being with Valentina and cooking with her and what are we gonna have for breakfast? What are we gonna have for lunch? Whatever. Like I didn't even know that was possible for whatever reason, because it was possible. It was always there. Right. It was always a possibility. It's funny, the outside circuit has the forced us right to see, okay, what's really going on? Like what's really here? What do I really want? And the way to do that is to create the space internally and now externally, like Ray said, it was forced upon us and then okay, I get to create a new, I got to figure this out for myself. And you get to look at the, at the, the goodness, we all know that the negatives in this, we all know that the economy is

(32:13): I agree with you, but all, all the negatives, they know you can only create a new if you have the space cause you gotta tear that old building down. Right. But a lot of us, including me and Christie has certain times because we want to keep the old because we're scared. It's uncomfortable to get into the new, we hold onto that we hold onto the old more out of comfort than we know it will make us happy because you know better the enemy that we know that the one we don't know, right. Whatever that saying is right.

(32:39): And I think that's one thing that that we talked about today on our walk too is like the discomfort. Is it uncomfortable to do something new? Is it uncomfortable to create something different? Is it uncomfortable to go against the norm and go against, you know, what, what most people are doing or what your family or your friends say that you should be doing? Of course uncomfortable to go against your conditioning. Holy crap. Like we create our own conditioning that actually imprisons us so there is going to be discomfort and being aware of that for us has been key to raid said today he's like, I don't know what to do with myself. I'm bored because we said no to a few deals and now we've got some space in our business and he's like literally uncomfortable and I'm just looking at it, I'm like, go for a walk.

(33:25): I already did that, go meditate. I already did that, go read. I already did it. I'm like total yourself because that, that is where the growth is in res, you know, ADHD, constant on the go, hustle, grind, like creating new things to do. Just so that I can do something rather than learning to be the way I want to be. So it's not about, this time isn't about doing more, it's about being different and you can still do the same things, but do them from a different place of being on the way of mastery. He says use the time differently. Is using the time in a different way versus for me, like looking at my calendar and seeing that there's literally nothing to do. Like there are no appointments, there are no you know, birthday parties like nothing is, there's nothing. So how can I use that time differently?

(34:17): It's like, could I complain about it? Could I be upset about it? Could I be depressed about it? Yeah, I could, but could I embrace it and could I start to enjoy it more and could I start to fill it with good things? Like you have the choice to do all of that. Yes. It's going to be uncomfortable. It's going to be different. It's going to be weird, right? It's going to be odd to say, okay, you know, husband or wife take the kids. I'm going to go sit outside for 15 minutes and just be with my thoughts and meditate and think or just be, or just breathe. Right. Is it uncomfortable at the beginning? Yeah, but everything is, it's not comfortable to learn how to drive a car. It's, it's, it's, I remember feeling completely overwhelmed and like I was terrible at it and now I drive, you know, from here to, to whole foods and I'm like, how did I even get here?

(35:02): Right. But little by little you start to add in the stuff. But first he needs to create the space to figure out what it is that you want to add in the first place. What do you really want? And don't meditate just because we say meditate, try it, feel it out. Try different versions of it. Don't, you know, go do yoga just because I love yoga. I think like see if you like it, try different versions of it, but little by little start to add in the good stuff that make you feel good, that make you feel happy and make you feel fulfilled. That like those are the ones that you want to continue to do and anything that is not making you feel good, stop doing it. Even if it's uncomfortable. Even if you have to have some conversations that are tough, that are, you know, make you make you make you feel like, Oh God, what are they going to think? What are they going to, how they're going to feel. I'm going to make them feel bad. All that is just your stuff and you don't have control over any of it. You only have control over how you show up and how you use your time and how you use your energy.

(35:54): So once you've created space, I think she said it beautifully, baby. Once you've created space, the biggest thing you want to be careful of is not to bring back some of that old stuff because that old conditioning is going to want to come up. So as the economy's opening and things are opening, the last thing you want to do is just haphazardly, not with consciousness. Bring the old back end. We're not saying anything wrong with the old, I'm still going to go to the gym. I'm dying to get behind a good heavy squat rack. Right? I love that. My soul loves that. Right? But there's some things that I'm not going to bring back, but I'm just not bringing back. We're gonna, we're gonna purchase from a new way of being. Right? So that's, that's ultimately what you're, what you're really looking to do. Because if you don't create, if you don't create that space, then you're not able to, you're not able to choose a new, you're going to just create, recreate the old house. Cause the blueprints are for the old house. So you create the old house over and over again if you create it unconsciously. Right? So, and it's going to be uncomfortable to build what you really want. So use this time to go out there and build what you really want. Anything else on that baby?

(36:55): I think just that. Yeah. Hopefully we've given you some, some insights and some food for thought. Definitely. It's a, it's a, it's an odd time to be, you know, alive to be here. And it just has really been so eye opening for us and we thought our eyes were open before and this just really open them wider and expanded our, our, our, our, our possibilities lists that, you know, now, now is the perfect time to do this. Now is the perfect time to really put this stuff to use and say, what do I really want and how do I really want to feel and who do I really want to be?

(37:32): Those are great questions. What I really want? Who do I really want to be

(37:35): B? How do I want to feel and how do I want feel? And, and as, as things come up as, how does this feel like it's really pretty. He's always saying that to me. Right? We'd love you. We'll hope you got a ton of value from this episode. Love you. Appreciate you. Thank you. Thank you.

(37:50): Thanks for hanging out with us and listening to the bulletin board podcasts. Go to our website@bothonboard.com to receive your free special report on seven game changers for highly effective entrepreneurial couples. You can also connect with us on Facebook and Instagram at both onboard. If you got value from us, please subscribe to our channel and leave an amazing five star reviews so we can help others get on board to cocreate the life and business of the dreams and enjoy the rug. We hope to connect with you soon.

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