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In this episode, you’ll learn…

  • Want to make your success inevitable? Start by developing this… (0:43)
  • You could have the best nutrition plan in the world and still won’t lose any weight if you’re missing this (2:09)
  • How attending a Sales 101 course can help you finally cut out all the negative self-talk in your head (6:53)
  • The “H-word” that puts developing self-discipline on easy mode (8:33)
  • Why relying on willpower is a recipe for disaster (8:59)
  • The real reason your biggest goals always fizzle out and die (12:35)
  • How to create the appearance of airtight self discipline without even trying (12:49)

Do you have a new morning routine? I want to hear about it! Send me a message on Facebook so I can know how you start each morning.

If you have zero energy to focus on yourself and need extra support and accountability from women who know what it’s like to juggle a crazy busy life, then go to https://befitandfierce.com and become unstoppable with us.

Or, if you want to join a sisterhood dedicated to growing our faith, join our Just Breathe Facebook Group.

Read Full Transcript

Hi there. I'm Jill Allen and this is find your fierce, the show designed for women to discover your fierce, unlock and unstoppable mindset. Build unbreakable courage and completely transform how you show up every single day. Each week I will bring ideas, methods and strategies that will inspire you to step into your greatness and live life on purpose. Let's be fit, fierce and unstoppable.

(00:34): Hey there, welcome to find your fierce. This is episode 21 and we're going to talk about discipline today. Self-discipline, we all want more of that, right? Willpower, I know we often link the success we have with anything to the amount of self-discipline one has. Now I'm probably going to tend to focus more on self discipline. It comes to our nutrition and self care just because that's kind of who I am and I know that this is one that ranks up really high on the list when it comes to self discipline in the lives of women, but no, this can apply to all. Think about this. We are faced, let's say with a hot fudge sundae or for me it would be a big bowl of butter, popcorn or sleeping in versus hitting the gym. Whatever you are faced with, you have to make a decision based on your feeling at that given moment.

(01:20): These are the times I know we wish we could have just a little bit more willpower, more self discipline. Now I read the other day that people with self-discipline tend to be happier. The effect of being self-disciplined causes happier lives because they don't indulge in those Sundays so naturally they might feel better because of it or they make positive decisions more easily or they make levelheaded decisions and as a result they tend to feel more satisfied or happier with their lives. We can take that route, but I'm not sure if that is how it actually works. We can talk today about all the powerful things we can do to master self-discipline, like know your weaknesses, avoid, remove temptations. We can talk about those goals and clear executed plans. I think of how many nutrition plans I've provided women because they thought that if they had a plan, losing weight would be no problem.

(02:17): And guess what? The plans weren't followed and if the self discipline and the willpower were not there, what's it do? It leads to the same vicious cycle we tend to hop on, right? So I'm not sure if I agree with all the steps that are out there that you can find on YouTube, you know, search, Google, whatever that for you to be more disciplined is the answer. Now I'm actually thinking quite the opposite. I'm thinking that people who are happier tend to have more self discipline. I think self-discipline is the result. Think about that for a moment. Let's flip it. Okay, so we've been told by the world that if you're lazy or overweight or you drink too much or if you're on a couch all day long and you have zero self-discipline, Nobel power, we even begin to tell ourselves that we can even go so far that we believe that we are failures and even question our ability.

(03:15): We may even just give up. But it's also out there that the opposite is true. We believe that people who go to the gym every day or eat healthy are masters of self discipline. That they know how to say no to their desires, that that we actually need to learn from them. But they're the ones that are probably fueling all the self help and the self discipline steps that are out there, that they are strong, that they have what it takes, that we need to be more like them. We need to emulate them. And it's just going back to the five most powerful things to master self discipline. And so when we believe that both sides are either one of those sides, it's really not how willpower works or how it truly is. There's another side to it all. And just for some thought and discussion for today, let's just dive into that different perspective.

(04:03): Okay. So I know that we've all tried to start something new. You can even think back to your new year's resolutions. You know you're going to start this new diet workout every day or be more patient with your kids or spouse or whatever you decide to take on, and here you are crushing it. Day one, day two, first week you are on fire and then what? We all know what comes next. You stopped going to the gym. The salt and vinegar chips are back in your pantry. You have rotten asparagus in your fridge. You lose patience with your kids, your husband. The calm within is nowhere to be found and then you start beating yourself up that you just don't have what it takes. You don't have any willpower. You're horrible. You cave every single time, right? Why can't I do this? Every time ends the same way and you lack self discipline and that you just don't have it.

(04:53): Trust me, I've been there, but here's the thing. Willpower is directly linked to going against your desires. Having to make that decision every single time. Kaiser can be tough. That's rough. A guy's a tough one. That T to make consistently, even we get tired, we're human. And after a long day at work, the last thing you want to do is cook salmon and roasted veggies. Even know that is what we want to do, but we don't really want to do because we're tired. There's this battle, okay? So willpower is linked to self deprivation. I mean, it has been rooted in the, you can't have that. You can't do that. Stay away from it. Deny it, shut it down. Resist. Right? You can do it. It's rooted in going against everything you want at that moment. In that specific moment of time and having the willpower or the self-discipline, you have to deny or reject your emotion and what it is that you want to do in that moment.

(05:57): And yes, we have a choice. And if you can do that, if you can make the right choice, you are a winner. Your hero, if you overcome right, you're clapping your hands, you're cheering yourself on, you're patting yourself on the back, and if you can't, you're loser. Right? How many times have you been on that cycle? I can't even give up my Starbucks habit or my addiction to pop or my love of food, right? So somehow I must be broken. I don't have it. Why am I finishing this bag of Doritos? It doesn't even make sense. And you feel like crap. Maybe you're ashamed and you're addicted to food, so something's wrong with you and I just need to fight it, right? I need to fight the urge to overeat. Here's the thing, it doesn't work that way. It doesn't work. And it leads to a lot of negative self talk and beliefs about who we truly are.

(06:46): So it's not good guys. It's not good to think that self discipline and willpower will be the cure all. Here's the thing. Our behaviors are not based on logical decisions. Our behaviors are based on feelings and emotions. Even in sales one Oh one people buy based on emotions. People do things based on how they feel. So to me, focusing on that, feeling, that emotion, the reason behind our behavior would be the key. Don't you agree? Think about shame. Let's focus on that for a moment. When we feel shameful, we try to hide it or we oftentimes use willpower to push it down. We cave. We may drown it out. We might use alcohol. We Bingy. We may sit on the couch and watch Netflix all day. You know, when I feel stressed or overwhelmed, which would be my emotions, I go to the pantry for chips to fix it.

(07:39): It's not logical at all. I can't even explain it. Willpower is not going to stop me at that moment. Self-discipline and denying yourself from what you want or self deprivation. Is that really sustainable in the long run? No. You are on a one way ticket to self-destruction and it's going to backfire if you rely on that only. I think it was in Romans seven Paul doesn't understand what he was doing, right, because he, he says, I do not practice what I want to do, but I do what I hate for. I do not do the good that I want to do, but I practice the evil that I do not want to do. He was battling, going back and forth with his behavior. The frustration he had. I want to do what God tells me to do. But I'm in war with the flesh and what is real and that is just like us.

(08:30): Like right now we get it. We're in this battle and it goes back to when we are happy. First have a heart that is full and when the heart is filled with the Holy spirit of God, having a righteous heart, the centerpiece of our behavior, it's not behavior management. It's not following the five steps of self discipline. It is about working on your soul, your heart. And when your heart is full of love, it you to act differently. It causes you to have the discipline, the patients, the calm, the self-discipline will just follow. So we need to get to the roots. We need to tackle the driving force that causes you to do the things you really ultimately don't want to do. Not to rely or to use willpower. It doesn't work long term. So we need to handle the root cause. So remember my thought that people who are happier are the ones that have more self discipline.

(09:22): Guys, your will and your emotions come from your heart comes from what's in it. I get up early, I work out, I train daily. I love to train for ironman races, but that isn't because I willpower myself to do it. You know, there are some days, you know, to be honest, I mean I need to use willpower, but for most days I don't. I actually like it. I love it. I enjoy it. And I know it sounds crazy, but I just enjoy doing those things. So I don't have to use willpower every day to train. I do it because it makes me feel good. It makes me feel better. And when I don't, I don't feel good. So how do you get to a place where willpower is not the main tool? So if acceptance, peace in your heart, love a happy and righteous heart, we need to stop hanging on to our mistakes or past or the lies that we don't have.

(10:13): What it takes that is just the enemy trying to go after your heart. How many times have you lady said, I can't even go one week of consistently working out. I'm horrible. I can't even eat healthy for one day without binging a bag of chips before dinner. I'm the worst. I can't follow anything. As long as you let your mistakes to find yourself worth, you're going to continue making them. It's like there's some sort of comfort. It's a sick comfort, but it's some sort of comfort that comes from this. Why even try? Since I'm a horrible person, a failure, I don't even have the ability to change or to be healthy or to improve by myself. There's nothing I can do about it. So why even try? How many people are walking around like that right now? Thinking and believing that how many times have you failed at sticking with something?

(10:58): Because we allowed ourselves to rest on the idea that we're just not good, that we're fundamentally terrible broken people who will never get it right. Talk about a pity party. What was me, I can't lose this weight, so I might as well shout down on this pizza or I'm not a morning person. I don't have what it takes to get up early and work out. Giving up can oftentimes be easier, but you don't have to own up to it if you're just really a horrible, unworthy person, right? Do not fall for anything that I just said. It is wrong thinking it is the enemy that is behind all those lies. Don't fall in that trap. And once we can accept that we are not our mistakes and work on to coming to peace with who we are, who God created us to be, all of that begins to change.

(11:46): So yes, I make mistakes. It doesn't make me a bad person. It doesn't make me a failure. I just need to figure out why it's happening so I can be healed. It could be worked on so that my heart can be full. These are the routes that I'm talking about. We have to dig deep into the emotions so we can start creating better habits. The habits will come when our heart is full. So before anything begins to change for the better, we need to be able to break free from the shame, the guilt, the fear. The judgements that we have placed on our past and our failures. So you can be someone who loves to get up at 5:00 AM to work out and care for yourself. You can eat healthy, you can win at life, you can crush your goals, you can train for a marathon or lose the way you can be successful long term, but we need to first mend, heal, and train our hearts to enjoy the process because if you are always forcing yourself to do anything, you will quit.

(12:41): Eventually. I think it was what Mark Manson said and I loved it. Once you resolve much of your shame and once you've created situations to provide greater emotional benefits from doing the desired behavior than not doing it, what you end up with is the appearance of airtight self-discipline without actually putting forth any effort. When I read that, it was like an aha moment. Self-discipline comes from a happy and self accepted heart. Being a fitness and mindset coach, I see so many women force themselves to exercise and force themselves to eat right. They can negotiate all day long. They are so good at that. And for them to hit play on a Fenton fierce workout and using willpower to do so, that usually fails. The excuses are like a mile long, right? But I don't know one time after they do it that they regret it, that they feel worse than before they started.

(13:37): So why do we self-sabotage trying to work out? Because the willpower, it requires work. So I think we need to be able to create a new routine to help transform and renew the mind. So let's start with your morning ritual. What is it? What is it that you do? The first thing that you wake up, start your day that fuels your fierce, that fuels your heart, that helps renew the mind, the heart. Let's revamp your morning the way that you start your day. Let's revamp your morning routine to start creating new pathways in your brain. New habits, new thoughts in your heart, new beliefs. Sometimes you got to start small, one new thing to your routine at a time. So if you overload it right, the willpower and the self discipline is going to have to kick in. It's not going to last very long.

(14:25): So instead of the 5:00 AM routine, if you're not there yet, set your alarm 1520 minutes earlier to start. Start your day. That fuels you, right? That fires you up. Commit to something that you truly enjoy to start your day. Make it a routine and add to it. Dive into the word workout. Meditate. Write in your gratitude journal, chip away, and take one day at a time. And before you know it, the 15 to 20 minutes may turn to 30 or it could be 5:00 AM and before you know it, you're in this 5:00 AM morning person crushing your day, shining your light because your heart is on fire, not because of the willpower and self-discipline, all because your happy heart requires it. It needs it. It's creating a new self-discipline routine. Now, this is just an example for what we had talked about today to keep it simple, to get going on a workout.

(15:13): I just wanted to throw this in there, but lay your clothes out the night before. Heck, you can even sleep in them. Set the alarm before you even have time to think about it. You have less time to play that. Should I or shouldn't I get up game do it before you even start debating. Of course there's going to be days you don't want to do it and that's going to require some willpower. But creating that new morning ritual, it's going to be like you showering or just brushing your teeth. Okay, I want to hear about it. Let me know, message me, Facebook, message me about your new morning ritual, but when it comes to self discipline, no that you were not a terrible person. Maybe you know that. Maybe you don't. We all need to be reminded some days. I know I do and we need to tear those roots out that are driving the behaviors that we are relying on willpower and self discipline to create.

(16:00): We need to get to the root. What's beneath the surface that you haven't dealt with? You can't bite yourself into being a better person that actually may need to be on an upcoming episode here soon. Embrace the you that God created you to be self-acceptance and to truly love the person you are. You are not defined by your willpower and remember to create a new morning routine to help you start this process of the renewing of the mind, the transformation of your heart. We need to enjoy the journey. I hope you enjoyed this shift, this perspective when it comes to willpower and self discipline. You can also check out prior episodes that took a dive into this as well, the vicious cycle and the relationship series. Those will also help you with self acceptance, but being surrounded by others to help you rise up and if you have zero energy to focus on yourself and need extra support and accountability from women who know what it's like to juggle a crazy busy life, then go to beef and fierce.com and become unstoppable with us. Or if you want to join a sisterhood dedicated to growing your faith, join our just breathe Facebook group heads up.

On the next episode we're going to talk about refinement and why it is a requirement of our life journey. Thanks so much for joining me today. Please subscribe. Share this episode, link on your social media as we all know, someone that can benefit and I would love it if you would give some feedback and a review as well. Talk with you next time. Be fit, be fierce, be unstoppable. See ya.

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