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Show highlights include:  

  • The “Anxious Women’s Guide” that lets you feel called, seen, and loved by the Lord (even when you feel like spiraling inward). (2:10)
  • How to get wisdom straight from God with the Three Voice technique. (5:55)
  • How to find God’s grace and support in your morning routine (and avoid tunnel vision for the big things). (11:40)
  • The ‘Just Stop’ story for getting out of your comfort zone and leading with divine purpose. (15:52)
  • How to turn a half-living existence into a life of freedom and adventure with the Lord. (19:06)

If you’re ready to rise up and become the best version of yourself, check out the 12-month mindset and accountability experience that will help you rise up here: https://befitandfierce.com/justbreath

If you have zero energy to focus on yourself and need extra support and accountability from women who know what it’s like to juggle a crazy busy life, then go to https://befitandfierce.com and become unstoppable with us.

Or, if you want to join a sisterhood dedicated to growing our faith, join our Just Breathe Facebook Group.

Read Full Transcript

Hi there. I'm Jill Allen and this is find your fierce, the show designed for women to discover your fierce, unlock and unstoppable mindset. Build unbreakable courage and completely transform how you show up every single day. Each week I will bring ideas, methods and strategies that will inspire you to step into your greatness and live life on purpose. Let's be fit, fierce and unstoppable.

(00:33): Hater gang. Welcome to find your fear so glad you are here. We are just coming off a six part series, strengthened hard places. And I so hope that you enjoyed that, but if you need to go back and hit play on that series, do so because you are going to be so thankful when you do so, have a lot of fun with that one. And we're going to continue that fun today with a special guest. But before I introduce you to her go any further today, I have to say that we love that you're here listening in and spending time with us. So honored that I get to be a part of your day. You ladies are just so absolutely amazing. I have to thank you for all your love and support as always. And I appreciate your feedback, your reviews, and the love that you share this podcast and a set free message with your friends and family.

(01:11): And so if you can keep on doing that, that would be pretty epic because you are helping this movement as it helps reach more women and it impacts more lives. And that is certainly what life is all about. So thank you again for being with us each week. So let's get started. I want you to meet my friend, Vanessa. She is a mom of four boys, a wife of 18 years. She's the owner of fervent fakes designs. We actually met a year ago, almost exactly a year ago at the just breathe retreat. And we hit it off right away. And I want you to meet her heart. She has so much wisdom and love that she's going to pour into us today. Meet my friend, Vanessa, how are you girls? I am doing great. I'm doing well.

(01:49): I'm just glad you're here. This is good. And I know we never have a problem. Just chatting, talking speaking truth. And I think that's what I love about you, right? From the get go of just how strong a woman that you are. You really are physically and mentally. And you just have that strong faith that I know that I was drawn to. And yeah. So where do we even begin? Like I know we spent last weekend. I was at last weekend. I don't, I don't know, weeks are fine by in Wyoming, at the band stoppable retreat. That was super fun. It was, it really was. And I just, and I saw again, your strength, the relationship that you have with the Lord on that weekend as well. I know it fires me up and to know that there are women out there not only searching for that kind of relationship, but also having mentors and in a sisterhood that,

(02:42): Yeah, well, I think in your, in your, in Wyoming, in you, you walk out and it's just beauty everywhere. You can't help. But remember who the Lord is, you can't help. Like there is a God, because this is beautiful and it does, it doesn't matter where you look, it doesn't matter if you're sitting at the table, you look out the window, it's just beauty. So I think that even stirs your spirit to be like, oh God, you are just so good. And so I think that helped even while I was there, you know, just the beauty that I saw that was natural. Yeah.

(03:16): The magnitude of the world of how we can be so small yet makes such an impact in the lives of others. I know we talked a little bit about, you know, I saw a post that you shared a couple of days ago and it hit home to me because you mentioned a little bit about anxiety, not feeling up to doing the things that you normally do during the day and can be overwhelming. And, you know, can we talk a little bit about that in terms of, I think when we can relate to that, cause we're really good at over-complicating some things and overthinking,

(03:51): I have just like discovered that about myself more, like I've always done it, but I've been able to like kind of like put a label with it of like analyzing and overthinking things. And it used to cause me so much anxiety when I was younger that I would like shut down. So, and I would just go into almost robot robot mode, but as I've grown and I feel like grown with the Lord even like, he is helped me to remember that you take all your thoughts captive. And if you give it to him, if you stop it and you give it to him, instead of spiraling into all of the negative, then you just don't shut down. At least for me, I don't shut down anymore. I can take a deep breath. I'm actually have a necklace on, I wear it a lot, especially when I feel like I've had a high anxiety moments.

(04:30): And it says she took a deep breath, deep, took a deep breath and let it all go. That's like one of my huge things, I take a deep breath and then I just let it go. And I tell the Lord, I just am like, it's yours anyways. You know, he knows my past. He knows my present and he knows my future. So I can just let it go and say, okay, Lord, I'm going to, I'm not going to believe the negative thoughts. I'm not going to listen to what the enemy saying about me. I'm going to say, what are you saying about me? And then I'm going to, I'm going to walk into that. So

(04:58): Yeah. That's pretty powerful. I mean, it's, it's a game. Yeah. I mean, it's, it's a battle that I know we all face every single day and we can go down that rabbit hole or we can create new brain trails that will flip the script of what we say, what we do, what we think. Yep. Yeah. Well, and the Lord, because of who he is, I just think he's, he speaks life always. So if I take a moment to listen to what he's saying, all of the negative thoughts are drowned out. There just are because I'm choosing to partner with the one that created me and he I'm partnering with the one that says, this is who you are. And instead of it being I'm, this I'm that, which is all negative. I hear like you're chosen and you're called and you're seen, and you're loved. And that changes how I perceive myself and how I perceive others. It just, if completely flips the script,

(05:50): Well, it changes your heart posture. I think a big question. I know I did. I remember going live when we started the just brief Facebook group. Gosh, maybe five years ago. I remember I was live in the same closet and I was asking because I was so all new to this. I'm like what? Like I knew there was something there, there was a tug I knew there was something a little bit more how can we fill in those gaps? And I was drawn to our creator and the biggest question, I mean, it was so crazy. I went live and I'm like, how do you know, how do you know if he's talking to you? How do you know if you hear his voice? How do you know if it's him? I mean, I was even asking, do you actually hear, hear him? Like, oh, I mean, I had no idea because I didn't understand, I didn't get it, but yet I knew there had to be a way that is beyond us talking. Like, how do you know?

(06:41): Well, I kind of share it when we were on the retreat. I kind of shared that the there's like three different voices I feel are that I've predominantly found that I would hear. And usually the first voice is usually the Lord. If I'm praying about something, I usually just quiet my heart, quiet my mind completely. And try to just say, you know, ask the Lord, what are you saying? And that first thought is usually him. It's just like, he is right there with an answer. And the next thought is usually the enemy. He usually comes right behind it with negativity or right behind it with, that's not true. Are you sure you're hearing? Or is that, and then the last one would be my self doubt. I hear that a lot too. Like the, just the condemning that comes with that, or it's just, self-focused like to be honest, like when you're like, Hey, you want to be on the podcast?

(07:27): I don't know why, but I have like anxiety doing, talking like, like if I spin it to be recorded. And so I taught immediately, my self doubt was like, oh, you know, don't, you're gonna, you know, talk over her or you're going to like fumble through. And I, so I stopped and I said, Lord, what are you saying? And he's like, I give you the words to speak. And you know, and the enemy said, you're not, what, what kind of wisdom do you have to give? You don't have any wisdom to give. But the Lord said, I give you the words to say, and in that it changes who you are. It changes what you believe. So instead of being nervous, I was excited. I'm like, yeah, the Lord gives me the words to say. And that means that I have something to say. And I think if we approach talking to the Lord and listening to the Lord with, he does want to talk to you. And if you just quiet your heart a moment and say, Hey, what are you saying, Lord, the first one, the first voice is always the Lord. And he just comes and he tells you exactly who you are and what you need to hear and ignore the negative when the negative and the self comes.

(08:27): I love when you said that, like I never really put it in perspective that way, you know, I do ask myself, okay, is this a God thing? Or is this the Jill thing? So I really, you know, try to balance that out. I love that. You said that if it's about self, self, self than it, isn't coming from the Lord. And

(08:46): If it's Vanessa, Vanessa, Vanessa, and that's the ones that's Vanessa, the ones that, that I'm like, oh, hold on, Lord, what are you want? And that changes. Yep. That changes what you see and what you think when it, you filter it through, what does the Lord want? What is the Lord saying? And yeah, that's how I really go into listening to him. And we've talked about this before, but if you spend time with him, the more you do, the more his voice is just, you know, it. And I can't, I wish I can't explain it for someone else to understand it because we all hear the way that we hear. But when you sit and you talk to the Lord and you listen to his voice, you do develop where, you know, it's him. And then, you know, when it's you, it's just one of those things you can develop, but it does take time. That's why I do like the three voice, the way of thinking of it. Is it the Lord talking? Is it the enemy? Or is it like,

(09:41): Yeah, I just instantly envisioned you know, any of the journals that are out there. I mean, journaling is so key because we can just jot things down in our heart. And we don't even really realize how strong of a connection that is between our heart and then that pen. But I can just see three columns in our journal. What is the Lord? What is the, you know, the enemy telling us? And then what does Jill and Vanessa think when it comes to that? I think that's the toughest part is one being still to actually willing to ask those questions. But I think about my story too, how challenging it is if from birth of how the world is wired. I look back at the years of coaching, I've been coaching for 20 years and it was it's I always lead with, well, what is it that you want, your goals, your dreams, your vision, and, you know, you go getting go, you know, and just like that power of you've got the fire, you got this and it's now we got this, right? Like just being that change of you, can't do it alone.

(10:48): And, but there is a reality of that. We can project into our lives, you know, we can be firm, we can be strong and we can reach goals, but I've always found that even in my reaching of the goals, before I let the Lord direct me, there was something at the end that was just like, ah, you know, missing almost, you know, like, or it was just like, okay, fine. I'll reach the school. What's my next goal. You know, instead of like having that piece of I'm reaching this goal and I'm walking with the Lord and having understanding that, oh my gosh, the creator of the world is partnering with me for us to reach this goal that he has and we have together. And it's not just about me anymore. It's about us.

(11:26): Yeah. Yeah. That's huge. Yeah. That's huge, man. Okay. So why do we, over-complicate this process? I mean, it seems so simple, right? So simple. It seems simple, but when you're in the middle of it, then you're in the middle of chasing a goal that it's I will talk about like fitness, like when I'm in the middle of tasting a goal of fitness, you know, whether it's able to do a pull up. Cause that's one of my goals. I want to be able to do a pull up if I'm chasing that goal, just like chasing it down and like going hard after that. But that's the only focus and then I get it. It's kind of like, oh, okay. Yeah, great. I got it. Maybe I want to do five more now I want to do five, but it's like, if you let the Lord in every aspect of your life, literally every aspect you, when you fail at the goal that you've set before you, you fail at that goal, he's always there to say it's okay. Let's just try again. Let's just move forward. It doesn't have to just be fitness. It can be anything that, any goal that you set for yourself that you want to reach, he's always there as an encourager to say, Hey, just try again. Let's do it again. Let's work harder. Let's do this. You know, instead of it being a failed and it's, you know, I'm a failure

(12:34): That's we, some that's D that's an amazing reminder, right? There is that he is always with us in every single thing. We do even a pushup or pull up goals, not just for the big, massive things. Yeah. But we can overcomplicate, overthink and think I got to do these big things. And I got to do well, this big thing, this big adventure, this big thing, and not the big adventures. Aren't great. But he liked you. I think you had said it earlier. He's in the little things he's in the everyday little things that you do. That's where that you don't have to, over-complicate your life overthink like, oh, I'm not reaching my goals or I'm not getting ahead. And the big things, but in the little things you're doing great, you know, you're an amazing mom. You get up every day, you get your kids ready, you help your husband. Those are the things that you do. Or if you're not married, you know, you still go to work and that's what you do.

(13:28): Well, you know, let's dive into that big, massive plan a little bit more because, you know, again, I spent years and I'm still currently doing that now about helping women find their purpose in life. And so, you know, reflecting back on, even just this past year of, of things, sometimes when we talk about what is your God-given purpose, we need to use our God-given gifts. What is it that can be tapped into to just really let our potential shine? And I think I've over complicated, again, this whole thing, as in what is our purpose in this world? Why do we exist? Why is it that we are here? And again, I always think about those big impacts over the course of time. It's like, okay, wait a minute. Is our purpose to live for the Lord? Talk about a simple concept or a simple sentence that can flow into every area of our life. What are your thoughts on that? Or, you know, can you, do you have any experience with that?

(14:29): Over-Complicate because I overthink it. And I think that either there's multiple different avenues of, instead of it just being, walking into it and walking with the Lord or walking into what I think my purpose is, I think, can I reach that purpose? Will I reach that purpose? Am I even strong enough? Do I have the time, if I do have the time, how am I going to actually execute it? Instead of just taking one step at a time and saying, this is the first step I'm going to take and just say yes, and walk into it. And then taking it one step at a time, instead of trying to be 10 steps ahead, and then, you know, overthinking what that last step would be like, how am I even going to reach this goal? Is it going to be monetary wise or mentally wise? I think that if I take, over-complicate just taking one step at a time, I can get inside my head and almost shut down before I even start.

(15:17): I think w we, we do that a lot. I think there's a lot of people out there that think we have to, we are focused on that end result before focusing on that one step journey each and every day, what is it that we need to do every day to show up? It could be a smile. I mean, I think it could be a smile on someone's day. It could be just asking the Lord, but what is it that you want me to do today? Yes.

(15:41): Yeah. And I, you know, I've had days like that where I've just said, you know, like, okay, so this might be a little much, but there was a time that I remember, I said, Lord, is there something you want me to do today? You know, just randomly I was driving. And I felt like I was driving and I happened to pass. And there was this teenage slight, well, 12, 13 year old boy, he was outside. And I was like, I felt like the Lord wanted me to just stop and talk to him and tell him that he loved him. And that he cared about him. Like not, not to be too crazy, you know, but just stop, you know, in the Lord was like, I want you to do, and I could feel like, you know, you get that, like their heart kind of beats a little faster. And you're like, oh my gosh, you know, this is what the, well, once we do and naming was with me. So self is saying, I don't

(16:25): Want to, oh, my self driving, you are just go, just go, go, go. But I was like, you know what, no, I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I asked the Lord, he said to do it. I'm just going to do it. And I felt it was like a prompting, even it wasn't just like this loud audible voice. It's just like this feeling and prompting like, okay, so I get out and I go and I start to talk to him and his mom's there. And I just was like, I don't, you know, the Lord loves you. And he sees you and that's, I don't have like much else to say, except for that. And he started tearing up and his mom starts crying and she's like, oh my gosh, we haven't been to church in a while. And this is just the most beautiful thing.

(17:04): You know, we're going through a really hard time right now. And it's just amazing that, that you would stop a stranger would stop and say, Hey, the Lord loves you. And I think about that every like all the days of our life, like when we walk through our life, if we would just take a moment to pause and we got to pray for them. And the boy I asked him, he had ever like, you know, pray the prayer of salvation. He said, no. So we walked him through it. And it was just this moment that I came to realize that you can go through life and just go fast, fast, fast, and be busy and stack schedule and no time to breathe and running from place to place. And miss what's the Lord trying to do. If you just take a second to say, what are you doing right now in this moment, there could be someone at the gas station when you're pumping your gas, that you just, that your heart is tugged to.

(17:53): And all they need is a, you're doing great today. You know, the Lord sees you and he loves you. And it doesn't have to be like a hyper spiritual thing. It just has to be genuinely. Cause you know, we have the holy spirit inside of us and we know he loves them. We know he loves us and we know he loves them. So it's not a fake, Jesus loves you. It's literally like, no Jesus. He sees you and he loves you. And sometimes that's all people need to hear. And it, they just, it breaks something inside of them. The world has taught us to stay out, to stay out of people's business. Mind your own business, stay in your own lane. And I'm just completely against staying in your own lane. When it comes to loving people with Jesus, how are we going to reach the world? How are the people going to know the gospel? If we stay in our own lane all the time, it ignore the hurting and suffering people. It's not going to happen. We have to be uncomfortable sometimes and love them and go outside of our box that we've created the box of the four walls. Stay inside your box. We have to get out of the box and go love people. And that's how the world sees Jesus through us.

(19:02): Like just to give, I mean, that's the purpose. It has been so clear over again, growing your relationship with the Lord, taking that time to slow down deciphering between, you know what the Lord says about us. This is the enemy versus the self. It hasn't been any clearer than, as in like we need, there are so many people walking around with heavy, heavy stuff. Their chest is being crushed it in their eyes. What, on a strong front, right? They got carry it. All their backpack is loaded down with things and they're still showing up, but they may not know that all of that can be released surrendered that they're not alone. Yep.

(19:44): And then they're not, they're not alone. Like we struggle with fear and anxiety. We just talked about that. We struggle with it too. But because that we have the Lord, it's not tripling anymore. It is a, you can release it to him. We do still overthink. But because we have him, we can release it to him and it changes who you are and how you see yourself and your identity. It just does.

(20:06): That's so good. The courage to let go. It's like, what are we being a slave to whatever, choosing to be a slave, to holding on to the fear and the doubt and the shame and the guilt and the resentment and the bitterness. What are we clinging on to that? Or is there another way to let go? And there's small responsibility in that too. There's a lot of personal responsibility. Yeah.

(20:28): There's a huge responsibility because we can listen to for the Lord and we can listen for his promptings, but we all have free will so we can choose to still be bitter. We can choose to still be hateful. We can choose to not let it go. And then we live in a half existence, almost like we could have total freedom. And at that hundred percent, we talked about that a little bit on the retreat where we can live at that hundred percent where we know that we are not alone. We can give it all to him, but we can be a hundred percent happy. We can be a hundred percent in love with life. And, but we can be Christians and live at a 70, 30% happy, you know, because we don't give it to him. We carry it. We load our backpack down and we carry it. And he's like, my burden is light. My burden is light, but we're like, but we want to carry it. You know, I gotta do this. I got to carry this backpack. And he's like, no, you don't. You do not have to. So I think that, like you said, it's, you know, we don't have to live that way. We can be free. We can let,

(21:30): I hope this is someone's wake up call today that there is a different way to live, that there is that there's a chance for you to flip the script today and to start walking in that and with that with him today, like they're really different way. So please, ladies, if you guys hear this or listening, I, I just, I encourage you to allow this to be your wake up call moment to live differently. And I think the NES and I would, would love to just carry on this conversation with you as well. So I think we need to put that out there too. So email Instagram, what is your Facebook? I mean, for someone NEC with you,

(22:06): Yes, Vanessa, then new hyphen Nakanishi. If you look it up, if you put in Nakanishi Vanessa Nakanishi I think I might be the only one. Okay. You okay? Sounds good. Yeah, I'll definitely put that link in there. I just cannot thank you enough for just being here, sharing your heart, speaking so much strength, and you talk about the wisdom. You have it, and you have a heart and you're making a difference in the lives of others. And I know you made a difference in mind, so thank you so much. Same to you. Same to you.

(22:34): I hope you guys enjoyed Vanessa being here with us. If you could let us know, please leave a review before you hop off here. That would be absolutely amazing. And if you're wanting more fire in your day, follow Joe Allen on Instagram or join us for the next retreat. We've been all over the place on epic adventures that allow us to step outside our comfort zone. So be sure to go to Joel Allen, coaching.com for updates or join the just breathe Facebook group. We would love to have you come join us and hang out with us heads up on the next episode, we are blessed with another special guest. My friend, Heather Mason will be sharing from her heart. So be sure to pop in next week. Thanks so much for joining us today. Please subscribe, share this episode, link on your social media. If you felt encouraged or inspired, as we all know someone that can benefit. And I would love it. If you would give some feedback and a review as well, talk with you next time. Be fit, be fierce, be unstoppable.

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