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In this episode, you’ll learn…

  • The real reason most people don’t like themselves and how to fix it (1:08)
  • This surprising little insecurity is the root cause of most of the problems in your life (1:14)
  • How you’re making it at least 100x harder to enjoy your life without even realizing it (1:51)
  • Tweak this one thing and you’ll instantly eliminate most problems you have in your relationships (2:57)
  • What highly confident people don’t want you to know about their confidence (3:51)
  • The “F-word” that stops bitterness, resentment, and guilt in their tracks (8:09)

If you have zero energy to focus on yourself and need extra support and accountability from women who know what it’s like to juggle a crazy busy life, then go to https://befitandfierce.com and become unstoppable with us.

Or, if you want to join a sisterhood dedicated to growing our faith, join our Just Breathe Facebook Group.

Read Full Transcript

Hi there. I'm Jill Allen and this is find your fierce, the show designed for women to discover your fierce, unlock and unstoppable mindset. Build unbreakable courage and completely transform how you show up every single day. Each week I will bring ideas, methods and strategies that will inspire you to step into your greatness and live life on purpose. Let's be fit, fierce and unstoppable.

(00:34): Hey there, welcome to find your fierce. This is episode 19 and we are continuing our relationship series today. We talked about all kinds of relationships, marriage, kids or guests last week took us on a journey with her relationship with the Lord. But one I think we also need to talk about is the relationship we have with our South. So let me ask you, do you love yourself and can you honestly say that you even like yourself, are you having a hard time being happy with yourself? You know, after years of coaching women, it was a major breakthrough when I discovered that most people really don't even like themselves. Some of them know it well. Others don't even have a clue. That is probably the root of so many other problems in their lives. And I totally get it because it's so easy to focus on our faults and flaws and we can all dwell in our insecurities instead of of all the amazing things about us or that we are happy with or we may be too busy focusing on others around us and not focusing on living as who we truly are and who we are meant to be.

(01:43): And in doing so can cause us to dislike ourselves and get us on a path of unhappiness, living a life without pure joy. And it's pretty tough to enjoy a life when you don't like yourself. And so how does it even occur to you that you have a relationship with yourself even? I mean, I always talk about self care or we got to fill our cup up first. You know, taking care of our body, you're fueling ourselves with healthy foods, but never really given it much thought that I spend more time with myself than with anyone. And it's pretty vital to get along well with me. Right. And the same goes for you. Think about this, you are the one person you can never get away from. And believe it or not, I am an introvert and I need to be alone to recharge. So getting away from, you know, your spouse, your friends, your kids or someone you don't get along with at work, we can find a quiet spot to reset, to reflect.

(02:41): But we can't get away from ourselves, not even for a split second. So it seems to me that it is pretty important that we have peace with ourselves, that it's important to have a good attitude about ourselves and to like the person we are. So let's talk a bit today about what it takes to love. Because when people don't like themselves, right, it causes problems in every relationship we have. We are in a relationship series. So let's talk about that. And so the first thing I kind of came up with is the fact that we need to honor and love our true and most authentic self by getting to know ourselves, accepting ourselves, and then being ourselves. And so knowing yourself means getting to know your personality, your values, your gifts and abilities. And your hopes and your dreams, the you that God created, you know, discover who you are.

(03:34): Find the thing that lights you up, what you like to do and that you do well and then to do it over and over and over again. We also need to keep our flaws in perspective and refuse to focus on our limitations, but to focus on the potential that God has given us. People with a high level of confidence have just as many weaknesses as people without confidence, but they concentrate on their strengths, their potential, not their flaws or weaknesses. We need to really get to know who we are. Accepting yourself comes from having and keeping a vertical perspective. You know, fixing your eyes on Jesus. I didn't always have the right perspective, not comparing yourself to others. God must love variety or he wouldn't have created us also differently even down to our fingerprints, to every single hair on our head. Guys, you'll never succeed at being yourself if you're trying to be like someone else.

(04:35): Other people can be a good example. They can be a coach, they can be a mentor, they can teach, they can guide you, but duplicating even their good traits will still shine through differently with your individual personality. So have the courage to be different and be okay with it. In Galatians chapter one verse 10 it says, be a God pleaser, not a man pleaser. Guys, this hits home with me as I was a people pleaser for years. You know, if you dare to be different, you'll have to expect some criticism. You know, going along with the crowd, you know, when you know in your heart, God's leading you in a different way is one reason people don't succeed at being their true and most authentic self. You won't like yourself very much if you go against your own convictions. So accept yourself and then being yourself means living obediently as the one of a kind God designed person.

(05:31): You are. Being yourself means allowing God to use you to fulfill his plans and his purposes. It is allowing him to use you to love others in a way only you are able to. Oscar Wilde said, he said, be yourself. Everyone else has already taken. And I know we sometimes get caught up in the world views or we try to fit in, but guys, we are meant to stand out and that is what being yourself is all about. Number two, forgiveness. This could be a tough one, but one where the roots need to be yanked. It's not something to take lightly as holding onto bitterness, her anger, pain or guilt, shame, resentment. It's only going to hold you back from moving forward. You know the Bible says a good tree will bear good fruit and a rotten tree will bear rotten fruit. That was in Luke six verses 43 to 44 but likewise, the fruit of our lives comes from the root within us.

(06:34): So let's take an honest and vulnerable look at the roots that are in our life. We've all been hurt in some way and it can be extremely hard to face an even to admit that we all have her others. We need to be able to forgive the ones that have her and we need to forgive ourselves. And I want to let you know that if someone has hurt you or mistreated you or devalued you or has done something that has left pain in your heart, their actions, their behaviors are not your fault. Don't let the way another person treats you, determine your worth. You know, I'm encouraging you to forgive them because if you don't, it will only give them power over your life and keep you from being what and who God has created you to be. And like I said, this one is a tough one.

(07:23): I've been on this faith journey for a while now, and Jill and I want to hold on sometimes and to justify my feelings. And of course the enemy wants me to do that as well as he's the King of all lies. And he's on this mission to divide our most vital relationships, including the one that we have with yourself. Yet I see how God wants us to love others, to forgive those who hurt us, to consider others before ourselves, and to be merciful and gracious. But I want to have you take a step back for a moment. Close your eyes and really ask yourself, what is that doing to your heart, your soul? How is it impacting the love you have for yourself when we are not forgiving others and ourselves for the mistakes that we've done? Forgiveness is not for anyone but you to fully surrender, to let go, and to pull those roots up and out, and when you do, by speaking it, declaring it to break all the ties of her anger, bitterness, resentment, guilt, shame, rejection, your insecurities, the lies and whatever else is holding you back.

(08:29): The freedom you will have, the love you will have for you, your heart will be softened and that Luke talks about will be the good fruit and the relationship with yourself will thrive as well as with every other relationship. Number three, receive God's love fully. Think about all your relationships, your spouse, your boyfriend, girlfriends, kids, friends, coworkers, yes. Even with yourself, you name it. It is hard to give away what we don't have, so we have to receive God's love before we can love ourselves or others. It has become so blatant to me recently of how many people are really walking around with a heart that is not so filled with love? How do we speak? What do you say about yourself? You know, is it, I don't ever do anything right? I will never change. I'm so fat. I'm ugly. I look terrible.

(09:24): I'm so dumb. Proverbs 23 verse seven it says, as he thinks in his heart, so is he. So basically the way we talk and think about ourselves reveals how we feel about ourselves. And I know we've all heard that famous song that Jesus loves us, right? God loves you. But do you really believe it? Imagine having a love so deep who accepts you, who sees you as his precious child. It sounds so good to be true, right? Trust me when I tell you that I have questioned this at times myself, I totally get it. But if God loves us, as he says he does, don't we think we can love what God chooses to love or accept ourselves because God accepts us. You know? And as you begin to see yourself through God's eyes, someone who's loved and someone who's cherished, your view of yourself will begin to change.

(10:17): You'll begin to see yourself not as the rejected or the failure or for the mistakes that you've made, but as loved and accepted, unique and beautiful in his sight. He wants you to focus on what's right with you, not what's wrong. And I chuckled because it can be scary that he knows everything yet so amazing at the same time that he knows all about us, but he still loves us. And when you allow him to love you fully, you realize that you were purposely created by his hand and destined to fulfill his great purpose. As you follow his plan for your life, you are valuable just because, not because of anything you do. That right there alone felt like this weight that I was carrying for years was lifted. The worth is based on not what others think of you, but who God says you are and no one is perfect and I encourage you to make progress each day and becoming the person God has created you to be.

(11:21): And you'll be amazed by all the things that will be fixed in your life if you will love yourself and know who you are in Christ. I hope you enjoyed this relationship series. I know that loving and connecting yourself is the key to being able to love and connect with others and create a loving relationship with the people in your life. Loving yourself is the key to creating a passionate, fulfilled, and joyful life. So honor and love your true and most authentic self by getting to know yourself, accepting yourself, and then being yourself. Forgive, forgive others and forgive yourself. Forgive like God forgives us and receive God's love fully. Say yes. Open your heart and begin to experience how he works in your life to keep the love going. If you have zero energy to focus on yourself and need extra support and accountability from women who know what it's like to juggle a crazy busy life, then go to be fit and fierce.com and become unstoppable with us.

(12:17): Or if you want to join a sisterhood dedicated to growing your faith, join our just breathe Facebook group heads up. In the next episode, we are going to have a special guest, my friend Jody Roediger, and we're going to talk about the impact on our life when we take risks and have courage. Thanks so much for joining me today. Please subscribe. Share this episode link on your social media as well. All know someone that can benefit and I would love it if you would give some feedback and a review as well. Talk with you next time. Beef, beef. There's the unstoppable. See ya.

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