Have a podcast in 30 days

Without headaches or hassles

In this episode, you’ll learn…

  • Why bending over backwards for everybody is making you miserable (0:43)
  • Why you need to be more selfish – especially if you want to give more (1:54)
  • The simple 2-letter word missing from your vocabulary that’s stretching you so thin you can barely breath (1:58)
  • How you could be ruining the most important relationships in your life without even realizing it (2:27)
  • The absolute worst thing you could do when you wake up each morning (8:08)
  • The missing ingredient from your to-do list that’s leaving your depleted, unmotivated, and exhausted (6:44)
  • 5 strategies you can start today that will help you be more selfish – especially if you struggle with it (10:03)

If you have zero energy to focus on yourself and need extra support and accountability from women who know what it’s like to juggle a crazy busy life, then go to https://befitandfierce.com and become a part of this unstoppable journey with us.

Read Full Transcript

Hi there, I'm Jill Allen. And this is find your fierce, the show designed for women to discover your fierce, unlock an unstoppable mindset. Build unbreakable courage, and completely transform how you show up every single day. Each week I will bring ideas, methods, and strategies that will inspire you to step into your greatness and live life on purpose. Let's be fit, fierce and unstoppable.

00:33 Hey everyone, how are you? We are going to talk about the good kind of selfish here today and I'm just going to dive right in and ask you where are you on the list of priorities. We as women are really, really good at putting our needs aside, bending over backwards, helping others, putting ourselves in needs last. And we do so reflexively without even considering our own needs. And it's to be real detrimental to both our health and happiness. And selflessness feels really, really good. It's good to help the people in your life, but I gotta ask you, have you said yes to something and then regretted it afterward? Have you changed your plans? Have you skipped the gym? Because it's easier to say no to you than it is to your boss, your kids, your husband, your family. Because being selfless becomes so automatic that our first instinct is to think of others and you second that we've lost grasp of who we are and what it is that we really need.

01:31 Have you lost yourself and I'm sure if you answered yes, it's happened slowly over time. I'm sure it was not on purpose. I want to share with you, I want to talk to you a little bit about the good kind of selfish because if we don't know or if we don't take care of ourselves, my question to you is how can we ever take care of someone else? So I'm here to encourage you today. Start being selfish. I was the queen of yes. Maybe you can relate. It's something I still have to practice saying no to every day I'm stretched really thin. I remember a day, it was a pivotal day for me and I started at four 15 in the morning, started pouring into my clients, poured into my kids, getting them ready and off to school. My husband and I, we have a greenhouse and it was the busy season and so I was putting some time in there and I remember it was two 30 and it was the start of the five kid pick up.

02:30 Okay. The kids were telling me about their day and I remember I was 10 and two on the steering wheel and I was ignoring every single thing that was being said because all I could think about was my long to do list. Everything that needed to be done, whether it was the homework with the groceries to try and figure out how to get five kids in five different places at once you know, and dinner and all that good stuff. And knowing that I wasn't going to get home until after nine o'clock that night and to have my alarm set for the very next day at four 15 to do all over again, I think I went into meltdown mode. I remember crying. I remember thinking that there was no way that this could keep up. And it was a pivotal moment. I knew something had to change because of how stretched thin I was and that I needed to start feeding my soul.

03:22 I needed to start getting enough rest. I needed to start protecting myself and the things and the people that were draining me. I had to be a little bit more selective of who was getting access to me. But I also had to learn to say no and I had to start being selfish. And on that day everything changed. Okay, so five years now. Later I can share with you how I made that shift and I think you guys are going to walk away with some good things and a good feeling about being selfish. How it's a good thing to add and incorporate into your life. Okay, so let me talk to you a little bit about time management. It may be a hoax. Think about this. We try to organize our lives. We try to be productive. The check off the over the top daily to do list.

04:10 And when we do that, we feel like a champ. And I don't know about you if you're a type like me. Okay? We love our plan of attacks. We smile with each accomplishment we love scheduled, planned out days. Or maybe you're someone that's a little bit more relaxed about how the day unfolds. Maybe a little of this, a little that as different as those two approaches are. The one mistake in common is that they assume that time is a tool. If I can just manage my time properly, then I can do more. You know, I am worth more. But here's the thing, it's not a viable way to look at the time attempting to manage your time. It's basically to increase your output. We missed the point. We missed the point in all of that. It's the time [inaudible] itself that has the value, not the millions of tasks that we try to pull off.

05:02 Time is precious and I know you've heard people say that, but it truly is. It is the most limited and the single most important resource supporting your fierce. You don't manage time, ladies, we spend it. Time matters. So instead of attempting to manage your time by focusing on the output, think about how to spend your time feeding your fierce. Think about it in terms of spending, we hand over harder and cash for something you believe it has value. You hand it over in a permanent transaction. It's the same thing with time, but somehow we've gotten into a bad habit of assigning value to the time we manage. Say for example, our work, and then we look at the time we spend after work as free, but the fact is every minute of every day, whether we're awake or whether we're asleep, it's valuable and it's free. So here's what it comes down to.

06:03 Managing time. Is an organizational pursuit. Spending time is an expression of our purpose. Think about vacations. We recharge. We get reengaged with our authentic self. We indulge. We're a little bit more relaxed. We're open because we are 100% input mode. It's about feeding and indulging and replenishing your fears. That's what they patients are all about. But then we get back to reality, right? Or maybe it's a Sunday night and it's Monday. The weekend's over. We go back to our time, manage light, the output mode. We turn our energy into what we must produce. What we must accomplish, which tends to SAP deplete and expend our resources rather than actually increasing it. Your to do lists our to do lists. They don't include seek adventure, feed the soul, take care of me, be selfish. Fuel yourself, do what you love. I think about that a few years back when I was in my car in that pivotal moment, I was a slave to the output oriented way until I made that conscious decision.

07:09 Build my days around what I love first and foremost, which is the input way. Okay, so that was one. I know we can have a whole other episode and dive more into this and we will at some point, but I wanted to plant that seed about the time management and how we spend our time too. We need to feed our fears first. Think about when you're on a plane and the flight attendant is up there and she's going through the safety procedures and she's talking about putting our own oxygen mask on first. Even from the emergency procedure standpoint, it's necessary to take care of ourselves because we're not much help to others. If we're gasping for air ourselves. So our primary obligation to yourself, to your colleagues, to your friends family is to take care of your own needs first. The good kind of selfish.

08:05 So do you reach for your cell phone first thing in the morning? It's easy to check emails, social media, think of work family first thing in the morning to start the day. But doing that first puts you in a reactionary state prioritizing their needs above yours. I'm encouraging you when you wake up, feel yourself first. Feed yourself first. Do you know what you need to do to fuel yourself? If not, find out. It could be exercising, journaling, reading. It could be going outdoors. I want you to do it. It will build your foundation. It's going to put a spring in your step. And if you don't, you're going to combust. You're going to have that breakdown. You're going to be in meltdown mode. Learn to listen to yourself. What it is that you need. That me time is critical. It's essential when you put your needs last.

08:54 You're like a plant without water that's worried about providing enough shade for others. But if that plant doesn't have water, it's going to shrivel up and die. Providing no comfort or shade anyway. So get up an hour early with purpose and invest in your fears. Use your energy, invest resources early in the day rather than later when you're depleted. How many of you say that you're going to get a workout in after work and then it doesn't happen? When you feed your fears, when you get up and pour into yourself from the get go, it's actually going to give you more energies. You're going to be able to generate more and you will be sustained throughout the entire day. And I know this shifts making this shift seems radical tasks later in the day. For you. Morning people, it might be you say why, but you're going to be more productive. Your quality of work is going to improve.

09:46 And these are choices that most of us don't make. We make choices that actually de fierce us, so we need to make sure that we are feeding our fierce first because our time is precious as you. So we want to start acting like it. Okay? Number three I'm going to share with you some strategies that you can focus on when it comes to being selfish. Journaling. Okay? I'm going to actually give you five. Journaling is one you can pray, meditate, start each day checking in with yourself. It helps with your sanity too, but you can vent. You can write love letters to yourself. You can talk about your hopes, your dreams. You can use this time to reflect. Use this time to check in with yourself and give massive amounts of perspective about the way you are living your life. It's kind of like a time capsule, but it's also a way for you to measure how much you have grown over time, so it's good to exercise.

10:43 Of course, I'm going to throw this in there. Being a fitness and mindset coach, and I grew up as an athlete, so it's always been a lifestyle for me, but if I know that if I go more than two days without training or exercising, I'm out of whack in all areas of my life because that's the way I start my day and feed my fears. That's my one time of being selfish, of taking time for myself by training, not to mention the benefits are insane. Your confidence is through the roof. You're strong, you're fit, you're fierce, your endurance is top notch, the energy levels are super high, your heart's pumping more oxygen to your brain and it makes our systems work better. So starting your day, exercising, feeling empowered, it's absolutely an amazing feeling. And sometimes we don't know how good we feel until we start actually doing those things, but it speaks volumes of how much you value yourself.

11:35 And I know it's the easiest thing to toss out of the routine, but you deserve to be the best version. Have you? And that can't happen if you're not filling your tank. So we've got to find what works for you and make that choice to give the gift of health every single day. Now number three, it goes hand in hand with exercise, but it's to eat. And that's a hard one for me. I love something. Vinegar chips. I love chocolate, but I usually reach for them when I'm overwhelmed, when I'm focused on managing my time or an output mode. So I know it's a time, you know, self reflection, self awareness that I need to start feeding my fierce and fueling myself the proper way. So every time I choose to eat healthy, I'm honoring myself. So set those goals, keep the goals right mantras up around the house, whatever it is that you need to do to maintain that healthy lifestyle.

12:24 Four, keep up with your favorite people. Make time for them. Have the heart to heart chat, catch up, being real, be vulnerable, have those rich interactions and have those deep connections and relationships. It's a great way for you to be selfish. And then of course, I think my favorite one is be your best friend. Love yourself, shower yourself with love. Treat yourself, give yourself compliments, positive self-talk. Do what makes you happy. It's an everyone's best interest, including yourself, that you love yourself. Because when we are health happy and healthy and vibrant, fit, we're complete. And then we have everything to offer to the people. And to the things around us. When we're filled with love, we can pour out love and the support and the inspiration for others and we're not charged up and we're broken down on the side of the road. How can we ever give another car a jump and we don't?

13:20 Okay. And so that's why I'm encouraging you today to be selfish. So let's recap here. Okay, one is time management. Remember, managing our time is an organizational pursuit. Spending our time is an expression of our purpose. Are you spending time or are you managing your time to feed your fears? Put your own oxygen mask on first, invest in your fears and how are you going to do that today? And three, remember, start your day. Journaling, meditating, hitting the gym, eat healthy, make time for your favorite people and be your best friend. I'm not perfect. I've not mastered the work life balance. I'm not even sure if it even exists, but I have learned that if we don't make myself a priority or make sure that my needs are not met, that I'm not much good to myself. So I definitely want to end on that.

14:08 If you have zero extra time to go to the gym, you don't have the time or the energy to meal plan, hate dieting. You don't want to count calories or restrict what you eat. You're not sure where to start, or if you just want to kick it up a notch. The support and the accountability from women who get it and get what it's like to juggle a crazy busy life. Then head on over to be fit and fierce.com so you can be on this unstoppable journey with us. Remember, head on over to be fit and fierce.com heads up. On the next episode we are going to talk about how to stop living in a fog. It's going to be a good one and very much needed. Thanks so much for joining me. Please share this as we all know someone that can benefit and I would love for you to give a review and provide some feedback. Talk to you next time.

14:52 Be fit, be fierce, be unstoppable. See ya.

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