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If you’ve ever been faced with a major life decision, you know how tough it can be to be certain you’re doing the right thing. And when you add another person (or people) to the mix it becomes even more challenging.

In this episode, Ray and Christie share their methods for working together as partners in making major decisions, how to know when your ego is trying to take over, and opening yourself up to signs from the universe.

Show Highlights Include:

  • How to determine what is a coincidence and what is a sign from the universe (13:29)
  • This simple test reveals whether your desire for change is coming from your heart or your ego (14:57)
  • The mind-blowingly obvious way you can tell if a decision is right for you (19:58)
  • Stop asking if you “need” to make a change and ask yourself this question instead (22:46)
  • What “flaming rings” can tell you about your decisions… if you pay attention (26:19)

Ready to co-create the perfect life with your partner? Head over to our website to get your free special report on “7 Game-changers for Highly Effective Entrepreneurial Couples” and level up your life, business, and relationship.

Read Full Transcript

Hey, I'm Christie and I'm Ray and our passion is to inspire entrepreneurial couples to cocreate the life and visit of their dreams and enjoy the ride together. We build three successful businesses, we have a beautiful three year old daughter and we pride ourselves on living a life by design. And our goal is to help you do the same. Are you ready to take your relationship, your health, and your wealth to the next level?

00:48 All right. So on this episode we're going to have is a much more open from the heart.

00:54 We were figuring things out and what I really want to share with you guys, it's what's possible in your relationship as you start to get together and onboard, really break, get both on board on the same path, same direction. It mean that you're both on the same road and always doing the same things. What it does mean is both of you have a similar destination and a similar growth path and you're helping each other figure out these things in life as they come up. So we're both on on a growth path and really a spiritual path and we're still figuring out how to expand and be and do from a different place of, of what I call being right. So the, this evolution, you know, Wayne Dyer has a movie called the shift and I definitely recommend it. And in there he says that once people make a shift after usually mid thirties forties spirituality becomes the most important thing.

01:44 And I couldn't agree with them with a more than that. And spirituality sometimes at times has different meanings to certain people, but really it's something more than just personal growth, the evolution of personal growth, right? So one of the things that I cha have challenges with and things come up for me is where am I kind of like going from and doing from, from the Eagle and where am I not allowing? And co-creating and Christie and I have these kind of talks often like, am I forcing this, am I attracting this, am I, is it because I want that? That's why everything's showing up. Or was that a sign or was a not like where, where can you go to, to spiritual. We're like, okay dude, you're just being weird or, or, or not too much where you don't believe in anything and everything happens because of you and, and you're the source of everything and you're, and you're always forcing and driving and, and doing everything.

02:32 So where, where is that ultimate balance and harmony for you? And I think that as I'm evolving, and again as we discussed, you'll see my opinion changes as she brings up new things and you'll see her service change or both because she has an idea. I'll think of something or because I'll say something, she'll think I'm an idea. And ultimately together we, we start to align that and get on board together. And how we start, this is really like the question is what are we struggling with? What are we grappling with? What are we not fully happy with? And then start to dig up some of that stuff. Because the reason that's bothering you is because you're not, you really at some level in your soul haven't embraced it. So I want this last book to wrap this up as one of the things that I talk about now I use this word feats and the firstF is for forgive the a is for all allow and accept, Oh, excuse me.

03:26 Eat feats. Yeah, he seen the, the former English teacher, hot English teacher. Let me rephrase that. Okay, miss Risko now mrs [inaudible], let me rephrase that the other way around, right? You'll see my English still right guys. Okay. Immigrant parents, sorry, ass forgive, eat, embrace. Right? Because the reason you're not able to embrace something as you haven't forgiven it, you're still judging it, right? And then you embrace it, right? So whatever's coming up, embrace that right and still love yourself. So embrace a is to accept it like, except that it is what it is. That same AE is also for allowance. I allow it to be T once you embrace allow and you have to trust and when you trust, the other T is for transform. Because when you trust something and you have forgive, accept and allow it, you transcend it, right? Cause you're trusting and you transcend it.

04:20 And the last thing is for us, and this is God's part, this is the surrender part. And surrender is not like sloths. Surrender is not like do anything. Surrender is very active. You're now co-creating with the magic. You've done your part and now it's grace as time to do theirs. And really, really, really guys and ladies, what I'm sharing with you is one thing is me to talk about it and no one intellectually, a whole other thing is us embodying it and integrating into our being. So we actually live like this. So that's what I'm struggling with angel and M and a, as I'm sharing it with you guys, I feel open and vulnerable. Totally. Okay. Totally. Okay. If we going the way I'm feeling and sharing this with you guys and I haven't shared it at this level, but I refuse not to speak my truth and speak where I'm at and,

05:08 And just kind of what's coming through me. So I'm a little not sure what we're talking about today, but I'll say what I, what came up for me, I don't really get what the topic is right now, but, so you're saying clarify. Yeah. You're saying you're talking about like something that we're going through right now and then this is what you're going through. And, and I think we started talking about this right before we started recording is like things that we're struggling with and what came up for me, like something that I heard somewhere in there and what you were saying is like following the signs, right? So we as in Ray and I embraced law of attraction. We embrace spirituality, we embrace meditation. Like we have certain things that we've, we accept to be true. And that works for us. Right? And everybody has of course, different opinions and different levels of, of knowing of it.

05:58 But what comes up for me, for example, is like when, when something does show up in your life, is that a sign? And that's what I'm struggling with right now is, is it a sign like, Oh yeah, you're on the right path, or is it just I'm attracting it because I'm aware of it. Right? So like people use the example of, you buy a car, like you see this car and the dealer and you love it and it's amazing and you've, it's so unique and it's so cool and you've never seen anything like it and wow. And then you buy the car and you're driving down the street and you see 10 cars just like it, and then you realize, Whoa, they were here all along and I just didn't notice them. Or are you now attracting this? Right. And I feel like it's just, it depends on the situation, but for me it's, it's almost like this does show up. Whatever that is, is it because I, that's what I want to happen. Like that's what I want to attract. That's what my focus is. And or is it a sign that yes, I should do this, or yes I need this or yes we should go do that. And

06:57 I actually can only really talking to my baby is the art of allowance in manifestation, the art of allowance and then manifestation. We're talking about the art of manifestation and notice I use the word art of manifestation. So you see how I'm getting 80 is that what she's saying? So like this is kind of what happens is we have talks, you were talking about the art of manifestation and cocreation really is what we're talking about, right? Manifestation is co-creation. Let's give a concrete example because that's definitely good

07:25 Start there because I'm, I'm still, I just got lost in my mind. So an example would be we went

07:33 Puma, sit down before you hurt yourself.

07:35 So the first, the first I guess feeling is I had this desire to not live in Miami anymore. Right? And again, where you said, vulnerability, I'm being vulnerable. We don't really tell anybody this.

07:48 I love this. You become sexier when you get vulnerable.

07:52 So I do not want to live in Miami anymore. And then from there then in what, September we went to Orlando to a seminar that Ray was at. I didn't actually attend the seminar, but I went with him and we met now, dear friend of ours and just a few months they became dear friends of ours. We spend so much time with them and we just,

08:16 Christie bottom, when I first met him, she's like, Ray is always falling in love. He's a helpless romantic. I just

08:21 Fell in love. But we've, you know, in a, in a matter of few months we spent new year's with them. We so okay, Ray meets this guy at the seminar. Then we connect with another friend of ours who live in Orlando in downtown Orlando. And we tell them that we're in town and they say it's, it's, you know, him and his wife, they say, Hey, let's go to dinner. So we go to dinner in this town called celebration. I don't know for, for those of you that don't know what celebration is, it's basically a town that was created by Disney, by Walt Disney himself. And then it was, it was built after his death. But it was this perfect little town. It has adorable houses, it has amazing schools. It's, it's like a really nice quiet, safe, decent area. It's quaint. It's Ray calls it, it's, it's basically like Pleasantville or like, Oh, what's that?

09:10 That Truman show style house. Anyway, we go to dinner in this town and for like 15 years since I was in college and my cousin and I had Disney annual passes, we would go eat in this place in this little town. And I was always, I always loved it. I thought it was so cute and I was like, I want to live here one day, 15 years later, I never really think about it again. And then we go to have dinner in this place, in a restaurant in celebration. Then the next day we meet the guy that Ray met, another guy and he says, I live in celebration. And I'm just like, Whoa, wait a second. I love celebration. We go to dinner in celebration with one couple, another couple that we meet lives there. And I'm just like, I don't know. You know, like what, what does this mean?

09:59 Right? And then within that it inspires in me is like, Oh, maybe we could live here and for a few weeks, like I don't say anything to Ray because I'm afraid of telling him because he wants to live on South beach and really doesn't want to move actually. And if he did move, he'd probably want to move to South beach and I don't say anything. Something else happens. What's the other part? It shows up like three or four times in our, in my radar. Finally, I tell Ray one day and he's actually open to it. He's like, okay, interesting. Then we ended up going for new years. We go to Orlando to stay for, you know, the like from the 29th to what the second I think we stayed there and we actually go hang out with this couple friend of ours with, they have three kids.

10:43 They've got, you know, they, they had their home, their, they had their office there they are in real estate. Like we hit it off, everything's amazing. Great. And then I fall in love with celebration and then I'm like, okay, I'm going to surrender because Oh, and then in the process I have a Zillow like little thing that pops up like any rental properties in the area and I'm like, I don't really love anything and I keep seeing them pop up and I'm like whatever. No big deal. We get back from from our trip and then I get this house that I completely fell in love with the pictures and I pretty much feel like, okay, this is our house. Like we want, I want this house. This is, it keeps starting trying to say long story short, but it's still going to be a long story.

11:21 So just so we can get enough, you know, juice out of it. So I ended up, that's, that's on a Saturday. We get back on Friday from, from Thursday from Orlando, new year's the second, then week, then Saturday I fall in love with the house. By Monday I am booking Ray says, you go, you go explore, you go see what you think. A Monday I'm booking a flight and going to see listings. And going to see schools and I got a rental car. I booked this trip to Orlando to go see the town to go spend time there. I spent three days there. I go to the schools, I fall in love with the school. I fell in love with the house that I wanted. I go see like 10 different houses. I understand the area now. Like everything is like feeling great and we don't hear from the realtor.

12:06 He is like Mia, our realtor is trying to contact him and he's, he's nowhere to be found. So it's, I'm at this place and this is just an example because I'm currently going through this, so I just want to give enough, you know, juice so that we can understand when you guys are listening. But I don't know if it's too much, I apologize. But basically right now we're in the place of, we didn't hear back from this guy, I'm in love with the city, I'm in love with this school and I'm in love with this house and yet nothing's happening. So what do I do? So I've been grappling with it. It's going back and forth. Part of me wants to, like Ray said, surrender. Part of me says, Oh, maybe I'm not doing enough. Maybe I should call them or I maybe I should reach out more.

12:43 Maybe I should do more. Like how much is too much of me doing and how much is just allowing and giving, letting time take its course and, or maybe it's just not the right house. Maybe I, you know, in a couple of weeks I'm going to get, Oh, you know, a what is it? An alert for a house that's 10 times better than this one. So it's like that art, that's the way racing, the art of, of the concrete three D reality, the stuff that's going on, this is happening in this happening. And then how much of that is how I feel towards something and how much of that am I attracting and how much am that, is it just in my awareness? Like it's just, I don't believe in coincidence. I think everything really does happen for a reason. But is it just a coincidence? It just, Oh, this is just, it's meant to happen this way.

13:25 But that doesn't mean, and I am making it mean that we should live in celebration, but maybe it doesn't mean that maybe it means that we just had a great time for new years and maybe it just means that it's giving us the opening of saying, okay, we're willing to explore. Like we get to choose what it means and it's an art. It's an art. Like it really is this thing of like, what do I make it mean? And we go through this all of the time. We're just, for whatever reason, we as Anne Ray and I are just like really aware of these things. So we talk about it and these are the kinds of conversations that we have. But that's just what's coming up is, okay, what does this all mean? Does this, am I making this mean that or is it an actual sign saying, Hey, you guys need to be in celebration. Like what

14:08 You guys remember that movie Austin Powers? I was going to say that. What does that all mean? Basil? You see, this is what I mean by being both. I'm more than alignment. So here's, here's where, where, where is that desire? So a few questions. One, where is that desire coming from? Great question. Right? So, but these are this, this is how Christie and I are now discovering and this is us two children that kingdom at play, right? We're now discovering what is it? So the first one of the first, and the best thing to do is to ask yourself these questions. And usually you want to write them out where is the desire coming from? Okay? So she's saying from her heart, but sometimes you have a desire and it really doesn't come from your heart, but the ego tricks it to think it's coming from the heart.

14:49 Thank you. Hashtag Matt Kahn, you're not following him. He's a spiritual leader. He's got great content on YouTube. But he had one where he was saying, how do you know? How do you know if the ego is not using the heart? And he, here's how you know when it comes from the heart and your heart and your soul wants to do that. Like it's an experience that your soul wants to have. You're going to have it no matter what guys, it's inevitable, right? If you listen to the call, the second podcast, it was Anita Asahi. If it's meant to be, it will be. I mean, if it's part of your path and if it's not, let it go. So how do you know where it comes from on? And again, the reason I'm slowing down in my thought is because we don't have this figured out and I have to think through it.

15:27 So that's just be patient with us, we'll, we'll figure this out together. I'm always confident that with her and I, we'll figure it out. Her, her and I and grace, right? So, Oh God, wherever she is. So the Eagle corrupts the desire, right? Cause desire isn't right or wrong. It's when we judge a desire that that's a challenge, right? So how do you know where the desire is coming from? Is it coming from what you really want or your soul really wonders that coming from as there been a mutiny on both on board and as the ego taking over. So how do you know? Well, the Eagle usually sounds like if I don't get this white chocolate mocha, I am going to die. I need this right now. Right? So that's the ego. So the ego says, Hey, I need this thing. And it's very dramatic.

16:10 Like if I don't have this, if I don't make X, Y, Z dollars, if this deal doesn't happen, that's it. It's like very attached, super attached and it, and it's very controlling. So the energy that the Eagle is coming from is a fear based survival energy. And we're not making the Eagle wrong, we're just saying don't let it control you. Right? You are, you manage it. Right? So the Eagle is only concerned with, with maintain a status called survival. That is it. When you have a thought I desire that comes from your heart, it usually feels good and it feels like, Hmm, this is probably very good for me. And the Eagle's response to that is, that's boring. It sucks party pooper, right? Like that's, that's that's what the ego says to that. Now, just because this is good for you, doesn't mean it's going to be easy, right?

17:04 Because some things that are good for you to grow, like if you want to build a muscle, it's not easy. You can still enjoy it and there's still some work. So we're not saying not do the work. The work is part of a necessary requirement, but can, and can you learn to love the work? Can you learn to embrace the work? So first question is a desire, really your tr your soul's desire. And if it is, allow it to be. If there's no attachments with the Eagles attached to everything, and by attachment the ego's need is to control, Hey, I'm going to control this, I'm going to have it. And [inaudible] control control is really fear-based. It really says, Hey, I think I know how best to make things happen and I'm going to set about the best way to make them happen because I know when they should happen and how they should happen.

17:49 And I'm going to go create my vision of the world out there when nothing could be further from the truth. You don't control anything and yet it's an illusion, right? That's what the ego is. It's an illusion. So having the awareness to not let the ego hijack is critical. And if it does, you chose it. You know when you're operating and when you're attached and you're trying to make it happen. And how does it, how do you know? One of my spiritual teachers said is very well a canvas. If you have to jump through 10 flaming hoops of fire to make it happen, it's probably not your path.

18:18 So it's like a, is it a fine line? Like is it a line that it's like where do you find that, you know, limit, like where, where is that? Like what about eight flaming hoops? Like is that it? And I'm not trying to challenge you, I'm just saying like where is like, is it like what feels good? Like where is that limit of saying, okay, you know what, like this is what I'm doing and then the rest is up to whatever.

18:43 So I think that meeting the creator, halfway on the bridge, I'll shout a five hoops, shout out. So, not five flaming hoops. But what I am saying is do they have to be flaming hoops? So one of the things that when we got the condo on South beach, and I've had that vision for 18 years, I always knew it was my soul's path cause how do I know my soul felt good when I was there? Right? How do you feel when you're there? And Chris, are you always asking that question? How does it feel? Right? So once it feels good, look at the process. Like right now w I wanted to move into the condo, but right now the prices are super high. There's no units. We like the realtors we're working with aren't very responsive and it's not easy. You know, when it has a feel clunky and heavy and you'll know how to charge to feel in your soul, you're looking for how easeful things are and and, and not like struggle and lack consciousness.

19:35 So, and do your part, right? So where do we balance the art of the work and doing our part and the art of allowing and knowing whether or not the timing is right and or if something's really meant for us. If it's not really meant for you, it's going to feel like 10 flames, right? If there's not a part of your soul's journey, it's going to feel like 10 flames. Just not just make sense, right? And maybe sometimes, maybe it is part of your soul's journey to get you somewhere else. So it was only a temporary thing. This is where surrender and let it go. Valentina loves us. Song comes into play, right? Part of our soul's journey together was to work together to build a real estate business and build wealth through that. And yet that's not who we are anymore. Like we're, we're still doing that, but it's not the way we used to do it.

20:20 Right? So surrendering that when a no longer feels good, now do we got to get to a point where sometimes for this change we had to get to a point on the real estate side where it got really ugly. Remember. So where do we, where can we be more proactive here on both sides of cocreation and something we do want and getting out of something we don't want because to create something new, usually you gotta be willing to let go of the of the old trapeze to get into a new trapeze bar. You have to let go of that other thing. And we all know when, as her son not like joy and not be funny more. We already know that, Hey, this season of this thing, whatever this thing was real estate fix and flip this relationship, whatever it is at that season ended.

21:05 We know our soul knows and we ignore it. So I think that one thing is, Hey, are we willing to let the first thing go? And when we think about that in our current location or current house, our Korean lifestyle, I wouldn't let that go personally unless something much better in all areas because my lifestyle is great already and I'm grateful for it. And I'm not like bragging or boasting, it's just, it has to be better than what we have now. Right? It has to be an expansion on upgrade like Beyonce Shada got, I love that. Let me upgrade you. Christie definitely downgrade in my ass. So back to the point typically requires letting go of something, feeling the desire. And then so we're back to the question of, so w so we, we built some frameworks before you get the decision, right? Until where, where there no, Hey are you willing to let go of what no longer serves you?

21:53 Cause you know, and right now if you asked yourself, I don't think that for you in this particular case, if it wasn't a complete upgrade, you wouldn't even want to do that. If it wasn't Valentino school's going to be better. Our, our living cells may be better that people were around where they're going to be better. Like if everything is not significant improvement, it is a significant improvement everywhere. Okay, cool. So then that's a check. Sometimes it isn't and we're still doing that. So that's a check. Alright, cool. Second check. Are we willing to give this up? Meaning having all the things, the logistics, having family close by the location. Cause we love where we currently live. Correct? Yes. Are we willing to give that up? Notice the questions. Are we willing? Not need to? Are we willing? Yeah, I'm with her too. So this, this is, this is how we make decisions where we're not on the same page.

22:39 How am I willing to live somewhere else for a year? Sure. Test it out. All right, cool. Okay. Did we do our part? God did. We did grace that we did. We'd go out there and do a part. Christy had a calling for this and thought right in her soul. I supported her and going out there reluctantly. But I did, I did. It was my idea. But so she went out there. She did her part, we made the offer and it was the one that she wanted and it's not, it's not appearing that they know the realtor and the situation had, could we have gone different? Could we have offered more? Could we have, could we have offered everything up front and cash? Yeah. But that's her stick it. And useful. And if he's not responsive, do we want to trade this for a headache? The last thing you want is a landlord is a pain in the butt to work with because our, our rental experience here, our ladies in Italy and never bothers us and we take care of everything and she's still responsive. Right? So at that point, you know, what is God saying? Not now or do we keep looking or do we force it? And like you got to start paying attention to what's going on. And then I think the other thing too in there is

23:46 What season? Like not what season timing. I had like five things to say, but you went on a rant. So now I forgot everything. But what came up for me with that then now looking back, I'm looking back at at the last few days of, of this, well not the last few days is the last few days I've been better. But like Monday and Tuesday. So getting back Friday and falling in love and making the offer and not hearing back. And just that whole process for those few days. And then one thing was like the getting honest parts, so get honest and then get an emotional almost like, like the emotions of it. I think that take control often usually because that's part of the attachment is that emotional feeling of in my mind. For example, I had already, you know, decorated the house. I hadn't decorated the house. I had, you know, Valentina Dina's, you know, uniform all planned out.

24:41 We were going to go to, to, to, to this tea room please. That the friend took us to like, it was just like, it was, it was very, yeah, like very emotionally, yes, it comes hard to be unattached, right? And so I overlooked some things, but now, you know, three days AF like of a lot of meditation and and Krakow and, and just grounding myself back into the present and being grateful for what we do have like reset. And like I, I love where we live right now. So it is, I was even hesitant when he asked that, are we willing to, yes. And it's, is it a big move? It's a big deal because we really do love Valentina school. We love where she, where she's at. We love where we live. We love having family close by. So it it, it's a big decision and it was, there was some hesitation there but then looking back at it more objectively and not so emotionally, I realized from the beginning this, this landlord slash realtor was not easy to work with.

25:39 And then the fact that we saw the house with the tenant in it and it just didn't feel good. Like the process didn't feel good, but I overlooked it because I love the house and I loved, I mean I loved the stage. The, the, what is it? The like the, the pictures, I fell in love with the pictures of it. I saw the house in great. Exactly. The house didn't feel as good being there in person, but I was like, it has so much potential because it's all a flaming ring and then not hearing back from this person and, and you know, and, and so late in the emotion, emotionality of it. The emotional illness, I don't know how to say it. Being so emotionally attached and it's very heavy too and now it's, it's more, I hadn't actually gotten a an alert in like four days and I was like, Oh my God, this is the only house, this is the only and what I realize don't get this house.

26:39 And what I realized is that that that same developer built 120 houses or one or however many houses there are in that area and most of them are going to be the same. They were built in late 2014 so it's not like Patil and 15 like it's, it's, you know, but back then meaning three days ago I felt like this is it. Like this is the one and it's okay to feel that way in the sense of, huh, the one, this is okay to feel that way in the sense of like I'm 100% in. If we would have heard back from the realtor, would it have been difficult to move this from here? Yes. Would it have been a challenge and an a whole nother extra to do list to move for pretty much no reason. Yes. And I was willing to do it. And so it's like that, that thin line of, of, of willingness and, and, and I'm all in and let grace do its part and how does it really feel and where do you draw that line of saying, okay, this is more than enough. And, and here, right here, it's not feeling good anymore. So I'm gonna stop here.

27:38 That's it. Maybe that's, you just got the answer right there. It came through you like that's it. Like, okay, I'm willing to do this. Okay, cool. That's not because look guys, I don't operate in Greg a whole lot and in gray a whole lot. So I operate in black and white and my standards and expectations are very high. And what I've learned is we don't live in a perfect world, in a perfect universe. So when you have a desire, it's very idealistic. Hey, I want this. And then the birds are going to be chirping outside and it's going to be a beautiful day with just the right temperature and all this stuff. And the truth is in the real world there's going to be some concessions, right? Some things, Hey, you know what? I don't know. That was just a vision I had, but you know that I don't, I don't really need that.

28:20 This feels great. Even without that actually might be an enhancement because we will learn to figure it out. And ultimately what is our real outcome? If our real outcome is to have an experience, then that's different. So like one of the things when Christie went up there to explore and she was willing to do that, I asked her, I'm harassing her, I go, babe, what is your outcome when you want? And she goes, I've never really left Miami and wanted to live somewhere else and I want to experience like really being an adult, really adulting in terms of like going out and traveling, renting a car, like being on my own. Right? So she never, she never had that. She went to school here locally. And, and everything else. And, and, and you know, God bless her, she wants that experience. I've had, I don't think it's that much fun, but I went to Connecticut and our man etiquette.

29:02 Anyway, so I said to her, that's where it came through me. I go, babe, go by herself. I could've gone with her and support her, but I remember what is her outcome? Her soul's outcome is really to be the matriarch for our family. So what does that mean babe? You choose it. This is your lane. So going back to one of our first principles, we spoke in prior podcasts roles and lanes where you can, you can look up at that podcast and it talks about like this was her lane, this is where we live. And where Valentina goes to school is her lane. I play second fiddle, I play assistant, I give my input and ultimately it's her decision. She goes, I want to offer the full. And again, I was reluctant and fighting it all away to make sure she really wanted this. And at this point exactly what she said, when does it not feel good anymore?

29:44 And when are you chasing it? I think that's it, babe. I think when you have to chase something because now you're attached, it shifts the whole energy because now it's, Hey, I need to have this to make me happy. Now you're totally attached. The more emotional she got about it and attached. Now it's hard not to get emotional when you're vested right. Negotiation one-on-one. If you have them do more things and be more things, or if you haven't got more mall with a deal that chances are they get more emotionally invested. So there's this called this thing called zero based, zero sunk costs, yes, on costs, but also was really what you really want to do is as is as will Brian Tracy calls a zero based thinking, which really want is, Hey, knowing what I know now, what would I do? So you're not kind of caught up in the past and Hey, I put all this kind of like [inaudible] it was hard for us to exit the real estate business, the fix and flip, you know, business having an op, me being an operator was they have I spent the last 10 years doing this, we bought a business, we have teams, we have systems.

30:42 And then you attach yourself to that and you think that because, and then the weird thing is, babe, when you attach yourself to that, you think you are, that it's wild. Like it actually becomes your identity and you know, we'll get attached the Eagle because it thinks that this is what we is versus it being infinite spirit before because it being infinite soul. You know what I mean? It's crazy. So then you get my answer. So let's recap because again guys, we're really being open and vulnerable here and ladies and sharing with this where, where this is, this is a real talk for us like this is, this is, there's no filtering. There's no nothing here. This is a real talk. So, and something that we hadn't figured out we want to share with you guys is that you guys within yourself as a couple can have these talks and then both of you who knows you better than your partner, right?

31:32 And I think so let's, let's recap baby. So I think one of the, I think one of the first things that comes up is this idea of what happened right before that choice. Like are we willing to make that choice? What are we willing to let go of? Like are we in a place right now where this, right? So does it feel good? All right, cool. It does feel good. It's coming from my soul. How do you know if it's coming from your soul or not? Well is, are you attached to it? Right? Does it feel good? Right? So is the ego taking over? Is it, is it going to be good for you? You had a great question. Is it going to, and again, asking yourself, great question, is this going to be good for our family? What was the question you were saying?

32:10 Is this, is this the best thing for all of us? Not just individually. What was that? You had a question like that. What was the question? Maybe what's best for all of us? What's best for all of us? Wonderful question. I will babe. If we're, we're willing to do this and we set some parameters so then you set some parameters babe. It has to be a unilateral upgrade. Meaning if one or two things aren't better, we're willing to make some concessions. Hey, no, no furniture babe. We can figure that out. I mean it just one little thing but Hey, yellow flag. Hey our, our ideal version, our ideal idea was it to be not just furnished but the furnishing that she loves. Right? Cause then that's, that's what we wanted. What else did we want? The school, which we, which we, we got someone to be easy to work with, which is, which we didn't even, we didn't even bring that up, but that was just more like if it's going to be hard and clunky and everything and, and what in our experience and anything that starts hard, heavy and clunky, continues to be hard, heavy and clunky.

33:06 What else? Baby? And just like the location, like the, the house was right right next to the school, which was super convenient and then your gym was right close to there. So it was like we had some things, some, some non-negotiables that were for the most part met.

33:21 But we got heavy. Yeah. We, we, we are our lifestyle right now. We start to value more and more convenience. If you look at everything we've done in our life, babe, it's been an upgrade for convenience and time freedom. That convenience, convenience, time and freedom. Yeah. Yeah. But really convenience has been driving everything, right? That's why we take Uber. It's convenient. It's time. It saves time. Right. So, so how do you know when once you get there, you one you got to do, you got to detach. So one of things I, one of the notes I took for is when you, when you said something is you were moving too fast. You, you like, you got emotionally attached and you forgot the neutrality, right? It goes back to the previous podcast. Neutral. You want a neutral place

34:06 Time like giving it time to settle time to all the house and, and, and it was the, the I, it was that rushed energy. It was definitely rushed. It was definitely desperate. Yes. Like I was feeling a little desperate

34:20 And no one likes desperate di. I mean that's just fact.

34:24 And this the emotional illness and like the, the what you said like the, the finite, like, like if this is, this is not this house then,

34:33 But you know, the weird thing is it feels like, it almost feels like baby, at least for me in the money world. And this is the same thing for you in this, in, in the home world. Like someone's taking something from you. And the weird thing is you never had it to begin with and you don't control it. Like it's, it's crazy.

34:47 Also forgetting to be grateful for what we do have. Like I feel like the more grateful we are for what we do have, the easier it is to, to let things be and let them settle and let things happen on their own time because you're not at lack like for a second I felt like incomplete because I didn't have like [inaudible]

35:06 Because if you get back it's going to make you happy and you don't live like that at all. The thing is at times these, these, these, these desires can get us and could we have forced it? Sure. But I want to thought, God, I know and there would have been more signs along the way of making it heavier and clunkier and, and, and even as we were leaving Orlando, we struggled with a few things of like, you know, getting out of the hotel and a couple of things were a little bit of a struggle and I told her baby, whenever it starts stuff, you know what, how you know when you're, when, when it's taken too far, had her stuff feel heavy and like a struggle. Like you're forcing it and you're trying to control that and you're attached and it feels heavy and [inaudible] like you're missing something.

35:40 And if you don't have it, you can't be at peace and edgy and like, so just being aware and guys, the reason we called it the practice of the art of manifestation, it's a practice and it's an art and it's going to be different for everybody. And we're just giving you some frameworks as we figure this out. Little by little and, and get better at practicing this. And the yogis nailed it. It's a practice. You're not going to get a perfect all the time, but whatever's showing up, can you embrace it? So at that point, maybe, maybe in hindsight you could have said, Hey, I'm feeling anxiety, I'm feeling these feelings about this. I'm going to just embrace it versus having them control you. Right. I'm going to manage my thoughts versus letting them take advantage of me. And guys, easier said than done. I mean every, everything sounds good on paper, but what do you do when you get punched in the mouth?

36:33 Right. And I could talk about this forever because it's something that I'm very passionate about and so is my wife. Thank God. And if you guys like it, I really would like your feedback on this episode particularly. I think this has been the one that we've been the most vulnerable, not only with what we're sharing, but we're also sharing and we're also sharing well where we're at with that part of our evolution. Hmm. Anything else you want to share maybe on this or anything? Any, okay. It's hard to recap cause I still have to figure it out. Yeah. but again, I do feel clearer and I feel better so that the next time it pops up, Hey honey, are you D? Do you feel like you do, do you feel like you're forcing? And how many, how many rings a fire do we have up?

37:14 Like are you attached? And sometimes the attachment hide itself. Like, Hey, I'm not attached. Yeah, but all these things, you know, one attachment to Austin Powers here, right? One receipt of attachment asked it like, you don't want to see that you're attached, but you really are. And sometimes the best person will tell you that you're attached is your partner. I could tell she would have to attach them all away. Oh, the texts this or that? The call, I'll just offer him what he wants. Okay. But he's not responding on their calls. He's trying to go with somebody else. No, no, no. But he didn't, he wants to, he wants to sell it to let that go. As soon as I saw the first one, I'm go, babe, it's not furnished. Nobody. But just first thing's going to be a little thing. It's not a big deal.

37:50 But it's a big inconvenience payment. Then I got to buy all this furniture then I don't know. And then you know, you know, I don't want to keep that the furniture and I don't want to, I don't want to keep that thing. I don't know what we're gonna do with that after. Right. So it becomes a headache. And again, nothing's going to be too, if you're very type a like, like we are, nothing's going to fit up to your idealistic standard and then having some flexibility which we have a whole podcast onto to what are your non negotiables and I think getting clarity on your non negotiable. I don't think we were a hundred percent clear on the non-negotiables there, but again, it's, it's, it's definitely a practice guys. I don't know, maybe I don't know what else to say on here, but wrap it up. All right guys. Crews, you guys know about the cruise? We cruise in probably April. Okay. Hopefully when this comes out, we'll have a while, a more defined date, couples cruise, and we're going to go over getting

38:36 On board together and how to ultimately live the life of your dreams together, your way, your terms, and what it is you truly your true heart desires. Thank you guys. Love you guys. You guys. Thanks for hanging out with us and listening to the both on podcasts. Go to our website at bothonboard.com to receive your free special report on seven game changers for highly effective entrepreneurial couples. You can also connect with us on Facebook and Instagram. Have both on board. If you got value from us, please subscribe to our channel and leave an amazing five star review so we can help others get on board to cocreate the life and business of their dreams and enjoy the rug. We hope to connect with you soon.

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