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Struggling with the swings between emotional highs and lows? Feel like it’s impossible to balance responsibilities with your family and in your business?

In today’s episode, Ray and Christie discuss Lifeonaire, an impactful and highly-recommended book, and share some advice on discussing big decisions with your partner, how to find the stable middle ground in difficult emotional times and much more…

Show Highlights Include:

  • How to overcome the limiting beliefs that are keeping you stuck (14:53)
  • To-do list causing a feeling of dread in the pit of your stomach? Try this list instead to change it to joy (18:12)
  • The surprising link between your energy and your experiences (22:33)
  • This one thing will create more growth and progress in your life than anything else (26:40)
  • The life-changing magic of being selfish with your time(28:17)
  • How to repair the emotional wreckage caused by “fickleness” (32:34)
  • The misunderstood power of slowing down to get more done (38:30)

Ready to co-create the perfect life with your partner? Head over to our website to get your free special report on “7 Game-changers for Highly Effective Entrepreneurial Couples” and level up your life, business, and relationship.

Read Full Transcript

Hey, I'm Christie and I'm Ray. And our passion is to inspire entrepreneurial couples to cocreate the life and business of their dreams and enjoy the ride together. We built three successful businesses. We have a beautiful three year old daughter and we pride ourselves on living a life by design. And our goal is to help you do the same. Are you ready to take your relationship, your health and your wealth to the next level?

00:46 Hello everyone. So I'm not sure if anyone noticed, but we were a little Mia for a couple of weeks, taking some time to relax and regroup and just get back on track with, with what we're doing this year and all of our, on all of our big plans. And we're just happy to be back. So I was actually inspired today because I had a good friend and mentor of mine who actually interviewed me for her book club. And the book that was chosen for the club for this month was life and air and this book a life on air. You've been listening to us, you hear us talk about it all the time. If you've met us in person and we've probably recommended it, it is the number one read for our both onboard community. We love it. We try to live by it as much as possible and we really recommend it as one of the pivotal reads in our life back in 2015 when we decided to do certain new and different things in our lives.

01:50 And that's led us to where we are today, which you know, you're never done. Like we're never finished growing and evolving and yet we've definitely come a long way from where we were in 2015 and so we just wanted to share a little bit more on how we've incorporated this book. It's called life and air with Steve cook and it's a simple fluent read. It gets almost like a novel. It's a story about this guy and really this couple who meet someone who just has everything that they wanted and we're struggling to get. And then how this, you know, guy, this character, it's supposed to be an imaginary character, but it's, it's the story about this person who goes through these things and then now is teaching back how to be life and air rights. So how to live as a life and air. And it's just an interesting easy read.

02:39 But what we loved about it is actually we read it when I was pregnant and we would actually get in bed at night and read. Either I would read or sometimes when it was too uncomfortable for me to read Ray read out loud to me and then we would discuss it. So it was nice. We'd read, you know, about a chapter. It's again, very easy read story form. But the concepts were very just interesting to talk about and discuss and they were, and they got really deep. And the more we talked about it, the deeper we got into this. It's almost like a philosophy, a way of life and a new perspective on how you choose to live your life and how we chose to live our lives from the time that I was pregnant to closing our office to having our daughter and where we are today.

03:23 So it's just one of our favorite things to talk about. I love the word too. I think it's, it's cool like everybody talks about being a millionaire, but really life and air just means living a full life, like having your days be full of life and taking your time back to do the things that you really love and want to do and still obviously pursue your goals and be healthy and, and have great relationships. But really it's taking back and living a full life. So basically I had gone since I was interviewed by a good friend of mine for her book club. I had gone back and just took some notes. I actually re-read it. This is probably the third time I reread that book and it's just obviously like most other books that you reread it and then you get even more information out of it. So I just took a bunch of notes on it. So we're just going to kind of review what we've incorporated into our lives and continue to grow and learn on. But Ray, what are your thoughts? How do you feel about this book?

04:14 I love the book. I remember reading it when you were pregnant. It was great. It reads like a story. So it's a nice read for you to read as you're, you know, in bed and it's a great thing for you guys to do together. So I love the book. I think one of the biggest things he's tied the name life in there, came to him through prayer or meditation. We both know the authors. We haven't met them personally yet. We have communicated with them over the phone and or through Facebook, the authors of the book. So I think for me the biggest thing I got is does this fit my life vision? Usually at that time for me, I was letting my business run my life and then fitting in my life around my business. The biggest thing I got here is no, no, have your business fit into your life.

04:55 What does that life vision look like? And then there's a deal and or opportunity fit into your life vision. Like right now, today we were just discussing, Chrissy said, you know, there's a few houses that came empty and we could buy them and, and rent them out and then sell them for more later. She goes, that doesn't fit. Our lifestyle doesn't fit our model. What are you thinking about? So, and I said, she's right but doesn't fit. Now there was a time when that fit, but it no longer fit. So then you know, are you okay with the change? Cause that's part of what happens as you develop and as you have kids or different life seasons, you're in a different place mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. And you want to embrace that place where you're at right now. And sometimes it means giving up things that you use it. And before that used to juice you but now don't juice you anymore because it no longer fits your life vision.

05:39 Yeah. And I think it's, it's asking those, that's when we started asking those deeper questions like what do we really want? And also questioning the beliefs that we had currently. So at the time, just to give you a concrete example, I was pregnant. We were pregnant with our first baby who she's now four years old. So it was 2000. We were in between property managers and our, in our business we had a portfolio of rentals and we were doing some flips and our property manager we had at the time was looking to move elsewhere. So we were looking to find her replacement. And then we also had bought a house, a fixer upper to say the least. And it was quite the experience. We lived in it as we renovated it. And that was quite the test. And we were in a place, so 2015, I'm pregnant, running our, our office.

06:35 We had about three employees at the time. I'm a portfolio of rentals and we were doing the flip and we're working in the long hours and, and I think for me, I'll tell you my, my side of the story, I just started to think like what I wanted my life to look like and becoming a mom makes you, I, I at least in my opinion, the people that I spoken to, it makes you question everything. It makes you just look a little deeper and look a little closely at what you want your life to look like and what kind of parent you want to be, what kind of business owner you want to be. I went through through that toward the end of my pregnancy. Like I didn't even want to be in the office at all really. And then I saw how that was affecting Ray too.

07:12 So you know, the house, the business, our relationship, obviously my health, my body, like becoming a mom, like all these things were just bringing up to the surface and looking to be just analyze at a deeper level. And this book is what, what kinda got me to that place of saying, you know what? I don't really love this house. I don't really wanna like I don't really care to raise my daughter here. We're kind of the, the, the question, the, the realizations that were coming up and long story short or long story long, we decided to sell our house. So when Valentino was about four months old, we actually put our house on the market. We moved to a house closer to are actually right next to our office and

07:49 Literally right behind our office it was a hundred steps from my front door to the office. And that showed up

07:55 Because we committed to saying, you know what? We're not happy here. Where even though people thought we were crazy, like why would you sell your home? Why would you sell a house that is quote unquote an asset. But we weren't happy there. We were like, we don't want this longterm. And, and, and giving ourselves that permission to sell our house and be renters and be okay with that was one part. And then the other part was call it the universe, call it a blessing, call it law of attraction. Like the fact that our, the house literally caddy corner to our office was available for rent. Right when we decided that we were going to sell our house. And that made things so much easier. And me being able to go come back and forth to the house, Ray being able to come back and forth to the house.

08:32 I don't think we decided, I'm looking back. I saw the house and I called her the house right behind in the day. I saw the parental and I go, maybe you want to come look at this with me. And I showed her a FaceTime video. Yeah cause we we, and then she walked in and she said that just makes a lot of sense. And then we sold the house. Remember we moved to this new house without having even the old house. We're open

08:54 To considering selling the house even though we had only been open to selling on one thing is, well, but we'll make it. But B, even just being honest, like one of the things I wrote here, like two of the biggest things that I learned from the book was get curious and get honest. And the honest truth was I didn't really care to live in that house. It was a big house. It was a big lot with a whole lot of maintenance. It was having issues. We had invested over a hundred thousand dollars into it and it's still,

09:18 And it was always something. What I think too babe, when you said get honest, like that's been a top podcast subject I wanted to cover and we can definitely cover it. Another one or this one. I think most people in couples don't really want to get honest and really share like look, I'm not happy here, which I usually find is you have a couple and the other person's probably not happy. Just still don't. One's not mentioning it because you think this is what makes the other one happy. But the truth is neither one of you might be happy. So just how do we, I think this book creates a space where you can be open, honest with yourself first and foremost, and then went there with your partner because sometimes we lie to ourselves.

09:52 Yeah. And I think just creating that space, obviously this is both onboard, so it's about the couple, but even just with yourself being able to say that you don't have to do anything in particular about it, and we're not sitting here preaching about go sell your house and become a runner. Like that's not what we're saying. We're saying, we started asking the deeper questions of what is it that's bothering us or what's not making us happy or what's making us feel stuck or unhappy. Right. So those are the questions that you want to start asking yourself. Maybe you love to have a house. Maybe. I know my, my dad is like, he loves house stuff. Like he loves to take care of, maintain and cut the lawn. Like he loves it. So it makes him happy and that's fine. It's just, it's different for everyone and we're just giving you the examples that we've lived through and have applied these, these techniques too.

10:39 But it's whatever it is for you. And for us it was that I think that not being happy and being able to even say it out loud or say to each other admitted to ourselves, that's okay and not that you have to do, like I was saying before, like not that you have to do anything about it. You don't have to put your house on the market right then and there. But just taking off that pressure of being like, you know what? I thought this was a good idea. I liked this place two years ago. And like right now it just doesn't feel good and that's it. You don't have to go further than that right away. But at least saying it. And I think another example that we use often is when we decided to shut down our business and me telling Ray, this isn't making me happy and I know it's not making you happy, so why are we still doing it?

11:16 And it took Ray a few months, I'd say close to six months at least to even consider shutting down our business even though it was producing and it was going well and we had all this time and energy invested in it, making money. But it was stressing me out too, right? It was like, what are we giving up for this? Like what is it that, what is this costing? What is this costing us? Exactly. And, and I said it, he, I mean I was terrified to say it. I remember specifically that conversation. I was terrified to say, I said it, I felt better. He took it not well. And then a few months later it was like, you know what, you're right. And I like, Oh, okay, give it the time of needs in the space. And or like the house like okay, we put the house on the market and it didn't sell right away. We were like, maybe this was a bad idea. Maybe this is, you know, I know we're paying rent or mortgage and at the end of the day, like it all worked out. But like just that, that,

12:10 And I'm so happy we sold that house. I mean I was that was glorious. And I guess our amazing listeners and listen nuts. We initially wanted a house, right? We thought we wanted,

12:21 Well my thought, I think we did want a house. I think we wanted the house. We had the expensive thing, we had the experience, we enjoyed the house because I think we enjoyed it for the most part when I wasn't under construction, we enjoyed the house. And then just saying, you know what? This no longer serves me. This no longer makes me happy and being okay with that. And again, we didn't go crazy and, and just, you know, we, we said, okay, well what can happen next? Oh, we can rent this house that's right by our office. Like we let it take its course. So it's like a balance and, and a dance of both, of being honest, getting clear, asking for what you want, stating what you want and then, and then letting things play out as they play out.

13:02 Well I think what you said was awesome. Maybe earlier you said being open, the fact that we were just open to it then created our possibility. I think a lot of times we're not open to the possible the member shows up. Just because we were open to it didn't mean that we were going to move and sell a house and yet we weren't 100% happy there. And whenever that happens, guys, if you're not, and ladies, if you're not 100% happy, there's usually room for improvement there. And, and, and create the space to give yourself permission to look at something else, to have a new desire.

13:30 And I think that's, that's what comes up too for me with this book, one of the biggest things was they questioning our beliefs. Do we have to own a house? And I guess I keep coming back to it because I don't want to anyone to misinterpret like I'm, we're not saying owning a house is not good, but do we, me and Ray does a, you know, as a unit, as a, as a, as a couple, do we need to own a house? Who says that we need to have a house, that we need to own a house. Questioning those things. Who says that you need to have kids who says that you need to work 20 hours in order to be successful? Like questioning any and every belief that you have because it's like all those hard and fast rules that you just live by and you never stopped to look at like something simple.

14:11 For me that comes, that comes up often and in some conversations lately is like I used to have this rule cause you can call them rules that my manicure and pedicure, my hands and my feet, my toes, they had to match because if they didn't match I was doing something wrong and it sounds silly but like what kind of things do you live by that you don't question because you pick them up in your childhood through your parents or through a sibling or through a teacher or just through society or what your friends are doing. Question all of that.

14:39 Yeah, like what conditions is what comes up for me? Like, what conditions are you living by that you're not even questioning. So it's almost like you have this empty space and you put a little squiggle lines on both sides of the page and you don't go beyond that. But you chose those conditions and someone else usually put those conditions around you and then you believe them as true. What's going to make you happy? What's gonna make your soul happy? You and your partner discuss that and chances are both of you are unhappy about that same thing and just no one's talking about it from a, from an open and honest place.

15:08 And even if the, if they're not, like obviously it wasn't like the conversation out there, even like I hate this business, I want to close it. That wasn't the tone of voice. Right. And my, it might have gone to that place at some point, but it was more, you know what, I don't really enjoy coming in the office anymore. Like how do you feel? And then just kind of testing him. He's like, yeah, it's stressing me out. Oh, okay, well why don't we maybe restructure our business and and see if we can do something different or, or switch it up a little or find something that we're more passionate about it, but having the conversation and not that the other, and obviously again, this is a couples thing of you're on your own as much easier. Not that the other person has to be gung ho about it, but at least you're opening up the conversation for them to say, well, you know what?

15:48 I don't like, I don't like X, Y, Z, or I'm feeling this here, or, you know what? We're not able to do that right now because my job is trusting me out. Oh, your job is stressing you. And it's like opening the lines of communication from a very honest and open perspective. That's what this book really has did for us in that moment. Really being able to say those things and really being able to dig deep and get to a place where it felt good to be honest with ourselves and with each other. Whether that led to an actual action step or not, it was just, you know what, this is just bothering me or this is not feeling good or this is weighing on me and this is stressing me out. Right. What is, what are those hard conversations that you can bring out to the open and just kind of see where it goes?

16:31 Yeah, where are you not at? At joy, like where's your soul? No longer add joy and again it changes because initially fixing and flipping and having the the rental portfolio and everything else was what juiced us and then all of a sudden is like, I just want my time back. I thought I identified myself as a real estate operator or as a fix and flipper as a business operator, I'm like the, that's the last thing I want to do now is operate. I still love putting deals together. I still love networking. I still love helping people and yet running an operation and managing people that no longer Joost us. And I think the question that I've been going to ask myself I'd have desire and Christie too is what do I truly desire? What do I really want right now? And being real. And sometimes I, you know, one of the exercises I'm doing is every day I write that question, then I answer it and I compare after I get six or seven days of answering the question and look at the ones that are most highlighted and you know, the most repeated and that's what I really want.

17:24 And not making it wrong, not making myself wrong, not judging it. Then we judge what we want. It's like wa we'll never get it if we judge it, you know? So it's a giving yourself permission to dream again and go after what you truly want.

17:36 Anything. Think as you were speaking, just to add a level of an extra layer of, not complexity, but an extra layer that that's deeper than what you want is who do I want to be and how do I want to show up and how do I want to live? Because it's like, what do you want for sometimes sounds a little bit more materialistic. I want a house, I want a new car, I want a purse, I want a rental portfolio. Right? Or, and what do you want your life to feel like? Who do you want to show up as? What do you want to feel more? So like for me, I see a to do list and, and what comes up is, and I saw it on a, on a post somewhere recently. It's like how about a to B list? I want to be happy. I want to be joyful, I want to be playful, I want to, I want to be peaceful. Those kinds of things. And then start from that place. And I think that that's, that's one of the things I wrote down here was

18:20 Thank you. Thank you for the clarity because when I'm writing down, most of it aren't material things is how I want to be. I want to be president. I want to be joy. I want to be loved. I want to be peace. So this idea, we spoke about this on another podcast, guys to be do have for the new year's resolution. So that's where I got that from. But as you ask yourself the question, what do I truly desire? You'll see that it's not the Bentley, the Porsche, the private jet or whatever that is for you. You'll see it's, it's ultimately what's going to bring you that fulfillment, peace, joy, and happiness. And love is who you become. Who are you being as you do this? Are you being enjoy? Like today I've had a great day, I've done everything else that in terms of what we do here and then I've enjoyed it and I'm not feel drained by it because I'm enjoying it.

19:01 I'm speaking my truth. I'm, I'm being open and vulnerable with people I speak to. I'm not holding back my tongue. I'm not thinking about what I'm saying and I'm feeling I'm coming from my heart. And this Cohen comes through me that one of our spiritual advisors on a prior podcast I need to said is before enlightenment, chop wood, carry water after enlightenment, chop wood, carry water, and what does it mean? Nothing changes at the activities you change, your perspective changes are, you're still going to do whichever you can do. Your daughter's still going to be your daughter, your son's still gonna be your son. You're still going to be a dad, you're still going to be a husband, right? But how are you going to be as you do these things? Very important.

19:39 Yeah. And it's like one of my favorite quotes. The every outcome is determined by the energy it's created from. And that is something that it took us a while, I think, to embrace and really learn and see because we came from, we both came from the mentality of, of hustle and grind. And if you want to get it done, do it. You're better off doing it yourself. Right? All of these, these, these beliefs that, like Ray said, the conditions that we are, we just, we, we, it's like on autopilot. Like we just, that's how we run. Like that's how our being runs and saying I have to do it. I can do a better, let me handle it. Right? Yeah.

20:11 Oh, let's, let's grind baby. I saw this little meme today. You'll like it. It said grind only for coffee. Oh, so good. I had a picture of coffee. It's true. Like every who wants to do that? Like I, Oh, and I, I, I'm getting up puzzling grind and that's the last thing I want until I want to align. I want to flow when I still do work, but not from a place of scarcity. And I had this talk today with someone with one of our mutual friends. Like you still want to grow and, and achieve and Mecom more and yet from a place of abundance, from a place of ease, from a place of a, what's the word I'm missing here? Baby of gratitude and appreciation. You can still

20:47 Grow from that place. It doesn't have to be from a fear and scarcity against survival place. Because again, every outcome is determined from the energy it's created from. If you're coming from that place and you need to do something and you need to get something so you don't need to do anything. And it reminds me of that. It's like, it's not, it's not that quote. It's not happy people who are grateful. It's grateful. People who are happy. I think I said that right, or you're confused, but like, it's that energy. And I think in the book, it's, it's, it's, it's pretty, you know, exemplified in this character who's a, when I get more money, when we get this, when I get this deal, when I get, it's, it's no, it's be happy now and come from that place, right? That, that, that energy and then go out and get it. So it's, it's almost like the reverse. That's the thing that we always had. Oh, when we sell the rentals,

21:34 Well, when we did this, and you always post pointing your happiness. And the truth is my, our boy, our mutual boy, God bless his heart, Wayne Dyer, he's transitioned. I mean, you know, we still maintain a close relationship. Happiness is not a destination. Happiness is the way. Yeah, so true. Yeah.

21:51 And I think that that's where that whole life life Finnair and like full of life comes in. It's, it's even if, what is it that that sweep would be the best street sweeper that you, you mentioned the other day, like whatever it is that you're doing, whether it's you're driving your car, whether it's your, your, your, your, you're standing in line waiting for something like whatever it is that your energy is, you know, giving off. Like that's how you're going to, that's what the experience that you're going to have. Like whatever, if you're, if you're driving your car and you're upset and you're, everybody's, you know, getting in front of you and that every lights turning red and every end, stop for a second and think about where your energy is. Are you in a rush? Are you upset about something? Like that's where the energy is.

22:33 And, and I, I've tested this cause I had a spiritual teacher that taught me this too. It was like that whole intentionality. Getting your car, take a deep breath and say, I'm going to have all the green lights and I'm going to find the best parking spot and I'm going to, and then when you start to drive, like literally changes and that's something simple that you can start to work on and build a muscle. But that can be in anything right before you get on a sales call, this call is going to go, great. I'm going to smile. I'm going to jump up and down a few times when I get my energy flowing. It's all through the energy of how you're showing up to the thing. It's not the thing that's, people think that you're, you're giving up your power and your responsibility when you say, Oh well they showed up, Nicole there, he caught me off.

23:08 It's his fault. Yeah. But right before he cut you off, were you like in a nice flowing Pappy peaceful place or were you already a little, a little worked up right? Again, those are simplistic, but like in anything and in a really how you speak to your partner and how you speak to yourself. Even like sometimes I catch myself, I'm like, why am I being so mean to myself? Yeah. Like it's like it's that energy of, of where you're coming from and we're so on autopilot and we're so distracted, distracted by everything else that's going on, all this stuff that that's outside of us that we don't stop to check on the internal stuff. Like we don't stop to say, okay, well where, where's my energy coming from? That happens to me a lot with my daughter. Like we've noticed this week, we were off at the beginning of the week. It was just a disastrous week. There were a lot of things going on and, and then she was off and she was giving us trouble. And now the last two days it's been, we completely shifted her energy. She completely shifted her energy and it's like, yeah, it's crazy and it's, it's almost unexplainable, but I don't really care what the reasoning is as long as it works.

24:07 No, but it's true. Be even, even, even in the way of mastery, just the way of mastery of the book that we're both reading the Ashanti crystal foundation, that book talks about that every experience you create that experience, well, okay, how do I create what that experience by the thoughts and feelings and where you're focusing your attention and emotion, where you focus your attention, you create that experience right then and there, you've created that. It's not, this is not law of attraction, this is, you literally buy what you're focusing on. Create that experience of that as you're doing or being whatever you're doing. What are you focused on? Where are you putting that feeling into? And then you're creating that experience. You could have two people experience the same thing and have two very different experiences. So that's where it comes from. So I thought that was powerful maybe.

24:49 And then the other thing too that I wanted to share with you is as I was listening to you, is you create the space. Well then how do we create space, right? Because creating space requires different perspectives. So I liked the book, could be a perspective, the, the, you know, the life Finnair and also the way of mass read. That could be a perspective. I guess what I'm sharing with you guys, if you don't create space for something new to happen, you're always going to be in that condition play. So the biggest example that kind of this made a breakthrough for me is I was reading that book, the way of mastering and talk about Jesus being up on the up on the cross. And a Roman soldier came in and was going to drive a nail through his hand and he looked at him and he forgave him and he thought about his own season when he's wanting to drive a stake through someone's hand.

25:34 And he looked at him and he forgave himself and he forgave him. And at that moment when that Roman soldier looked at him and said, wow, this person just, he felt that he saw, he didn't say a single word, that he forgave him. That person at that point it created a space for this Roman soldier to say, Hey, do I want to be a pawn of the garment? I want to be a pawn of this society and everything else is fine. I do this like this is, this is what's happening for the rest of my life and future lifetimes. If you believe in that. And ultimately him and Christ became great friends and they went on to do on greater things later on and this Roman soldier did not state the a nail through his hand and walked away and dropped that in and was never a pawn for any garments.

26:15 So when you create the space within yourself, you also create the space for others, which is really important. I think that one of the topics we have in a future podcast, we'll go more deep into this, but I think one of the ways you create that space baby is forgiveness. Like just forgive yourself for making this past choice. Like don't beat yourself up. Look, I made a bad choice. The ultimate power. Our creator has given us the power to choose again, but you need, you need to be able to know that you have a choice and sometimes we don't feel like we have a choice Bay.

26:40 Yeah. It's that, that, that awareness, which we talk about a lot is that awareness of, of saying, okay, well I chose this and I don't want to choose that again and not beating your, like Ray said, like there's no point in beating yourself up and like, Oh, why did we buy this house? We shouldn't have bought this house, so why did we start this stupid business? Like, like none of that. Yeah. But for the most part, like you don't want to go to that end of the spectrum either. You want to try to stay in, I think Singita said this too in the call that I listened to today that we interviewed him. Her in is like you want to stay neutral. Like as, as, as yes. You want to feel good. Yes, you want to come from a place of being and all those positive aspects.

27:16 But for the most part, you want to try to come from a neutral place really, because in the neutral place and there's no attachment, there's no, you know, there's no judgment. There's no, it's, it's not good or bad, right or wrong. It's just, okay, what's here? What's here is that I don't really want to live in this house anymore. Okay, perfect. What can we do about it? Well, we could find somewhere else to live. We could just stay here a little bit longer and see if it changes. We could, you know, like all these different things that you can come up with, but from that space and you're creating the space, like Ray said, to have it be an option. Even like to say, well, we're at choice here. And I think as Tony Robbins says, it's what does it one, one choice when one choice is no, choice two is a dilemma and three, you're at choice. So you want to have at least two or three options of saying, well, what can we do here? Like what is it that we can do? And then you're giving yourself the space and the time and the energetic shift to figure out what else can be done here, what, what, what needs to be done or what could be done or maybe nothing at all at the moment, but that space, that, okay.

28:16 Even though nothing at all is a choice, I don't really feel like, Hey, I don't need to do anything right. I can do this or I can do that or I can not do. I did just let it be. We don't even look at it. Sometimes I don't for sure,

28:26 But not from a, okay, I'm going to just suck it up please. It's like, okay, I'm going to be okay. I'm going to be at peace living here for another year and then we'll decide what we were going to do next. Right. But, but having the freedom to choose that as a choice, not defaulting to that because that's just what everybody else does. Everybody else that's a 30 year mortgage or we're going to sit here for 30 years and then Lord knows where you'll be at that point.

28:44 Yeah. And I think something important in this too is timing baby and how timing changes everything. I told one of the, I used to do a little bit of real estate coaching and I told one of the guys I was still in a relationship with. I said, look dude, time and circumstance change everything. They had a subtler move out of the property and the seller came back and did something dirty to the property and I go, did you offer the seller more money when he left the property? And he goes, no, he didn't take it before all we did take it now and I'm going to, because now his circumstances, he doesn't have a place to go and he doesn't have any money and now he's out of the property. So I guess what I'm sharing with you is just knowing that that that time and circumstance change everything.

29:18 And, and even in your own life, what you used to want may not be what you want, what you want now and what you think you wanted at one time. Once you actually get, it might not be what you really wanted because the experience of what you think is going to give you isn't what the actual experience is. So one of the things that we advise you to do, if you want something like Christie had an idea of potentially moving to Orlando, I said, great, go check it out. Go take it two or three days and go check out the schools, go check out the properties, go check out everything. We don't eliminate options and we're joyful. We'll rat right now. We don't need something else to make us happy. We're joyful with where we're at right now. And she also has a space to go look at something new because time again, time changes and you change. So really the timing of things. I think timing is, it's not a yes or a no, it's a not yet. And just being okay with that, being patient with that and like, dude, just slowing down.

30:10 I just think that what comes up there too is, is like, it's also not an the word, it keeps just showing up in my life. So I'll share it. But like the fickleness, it's not the back and forth and the, Oh, I want this. No, I want that. No, I want this and I want that. Like that confuses the universe. So it's not about that.

30:23 Don't even know what fickleness means now I, so you awesomely back and forth. I don't know if you're going to smell it. I was like what is that word? Fickle. It's like a pickle, a fickle pickle.

30:31 Like just, just that that confuses. So we're not saying that and there's also one of our biggest core values is integrity. Like doing what you say you're going to do. So that doesn't mean, Oh yeah, I'm going to go and then no, I'm not going to go. Like there's a difference between that and then knowing [inaudible].

30:47 Yeah, of course. What you're saying is, Hey, if you commit, commit, like if you're all in, like if we commit, we're all in. Right? Right. What I am saying is I love this grant Cardone. Hey, commit and figure out the rest of the later or don't commit. If I'm not 100% in, I don't no commit at all because I know me. I don't do anything half butted. Right. I'm all in or not.

31:07 And then the everything is figureoutable thing too. Like I think that I haven't already yet. I already have it. I'm looking forward to it. Is it Marie Marie Marie Forleo? It's, it's saying like it's, it's, it's a, it's an art, right? It's, it's not just, Oh, we don't want the house anymore. Like that's it. Like it's not that kind of, there's a difference. Like as you were seeing some of the things, I was like, I don't, I don't want it to sound like we're fickle or we're just lollygagging back and forth. Like it's not about that, but it's about getting clarity and, and little by little giving it time, giving it the space it needs. When I decided that I wasn't gonna I didn't want to teach anymore, it wasn't a one day to the next, it wasn't like, Oh no, I'm done. This is not like not happening, not showing up to work anymore. It took like nine months for it to really come to fruition and being patient with that and not rushing it and also showing up to it because it's like the spectrum, right? You're either in complete avoidance or you're like jumping off the bridge because life is empty and meaningless.

32:06 Well within the, let's talk about the middle ground cause I want you, cause you're the best one that I had that I know how to explain this and talking about this. You had those two sides, right? One extreme, I'm on the left side and then one stream of the right side, that's what she calls the oscillations or the fickleness. Here's what's going on. As you go back and forth and you pendulum between those things emotionally, you are kicking your own butt.

32:28 And that's where the neutral comes in too. Cause you're going back and forth. You're, you're, you're, you're stressing yourself out. You're, you're causing the anxiety, you're adding to the problem because that's another thing we love to do is like make things bigger in our heads and then they need to be for me, you're wearing on your emotional energy. So that, so now you can't go to the gym, you can't go create new because all, all that energy was, was dissipated or used in and just like worrying as it give you something to do but it gets you nowhere. You know what I mean? And we weren't going to talk about it because we weren't supposed to say anything about Orlando, but since we did bring it up, that's kind of the freshest example that I have in my mind and saying, you know what, in Orlando for example, what ended up happening is I fell in love with the school.

33:07 I went by myself, I went to go see houses with a good friend of ours that they live in, celebrate in Orlando and well, whatever, it's in celebration. And and I went, I spent time there, I fell in love with the city, with the location. I fell in love with the school, one of the schools and I fell in love with a house. And a week and a half later, we haven't heard anything back because the realtor slash landlord is nonresponsive and going back and forth on, on, on me. And how I have taken this situation. It's that it's like you want to play that dance. You want to show up, you want to, Hey, you have this idea about going under. I'm going to go spend three days in Orlando and I'm going to go scope out the scene and I'm going to see how I feel. I showed up, we love this school.

33:50 I went to all the schools, I showed up, I went to the school's perfect. Hey, we love this house. Hey friend of mine, realtor, offer this, this amount, offer this, this price offer this time, offer this, whatever. We haven't heard back. Well there's, I did my part right? I showed up. Maybe it's not the right time. Maybe it's not the right house. We always say I want this or something better. Maybe there's something better in store for us. It could be a lot of different things and you want to show up, but you also want that cocreation part to come in and play its role too. And right now, as of today, Friday, January, Thursday, January 16th we're not moving to Orlando, but that could change. But me showing up fully. So the desire, right? Like Ray would say, like to the desire that I want and then having the rest of it play out and take its place.

34:34 And let's just, again, in a concrete example, but think about in your life where you're at is a total art. It's an art. Like it's a dance. You got to test it. Like, am I doing too much? Should I have, should I have reached out to the landlord? Maybe I should have. Maybe, I don't know. You can force it. And that isn't that forcing and that and that rushing, right? And that place of, of saying, well, this isn't happening, so let's go do people do to is is, and again, another art. They've been at this business for two years and it's not, nothing's happening. Nothing's happening. I'm gonna go do something else. Right. You, we all know those people that every, you know, one or two years start a new business or they go into a new industry and then there's the ones that are like 20 years down the road, no, this is going to work.

35:13 This is going to hit like I, I have, you know all these wrinkles and gray hairs but it's going to happen. This is going to cost and then it's like where do you find that, that middle ground that, that place of neutrality really is my new favorite word. Non attachment, right? And non-attachment of saying, okay, I'm going to show up fully and I'm going to still be happy. Still enjoy the process. Still be grateful, right? Live in gratitude for what I do. You bring, you bring that no matter what, no matter what outcome is and

35:38 That's where my experience is going to come from anyways. So it's not about this house. Would I love to live in this house and raise my daughter in this neighborhood? Absolutely. And if it's not meant for me or it's not the right time or it's not the right house or, or, or, or maybe you thought of something better for us, then that's where the art comes in of saying, you know what? This is as much as I'm going to do and being happy and okay with it. I think one of the stories that like kind of like made that beautiful for me was Wayne Dyer. Even though, again we spoke to the earlier, but he was, as he wrote his first book, he was willing to travel to all these radio stations in the middle of the night and his car and live in his car and have these conversations.

36:13 He was, he believed in it so much and he was willing to do his part and that's what we're sharing with you guys. Be willing to do your part and know that if it's for you it will be and maybe you try now, maybe it's not, and just just slowing down, being patient, enjoying the ride. Who are you going to be as you do all these things as ultimately we've learned from our path is none of these things that you actually get or consume are going to bring you happiness. There are nice toys to have and we certainly enjoy them and I'm grateful for our car and I'm grateful for the material things we have and yet it doesn't define who I am, right? Who I am is an Epic president. Father. Like yesterday I was a Valentina taking on a bike ride, no cell phone, no nothing and what are the things I realized I was being present and loving her and we went to go see some cows.

36:59 She wanted her some cows near where we live and we went to go see the cows. She woke up, God bless her little heart, every little cow, she woke up and she fed the cows. Then I, you know, and all I need to do is really all I want to do is really be the best dad I can be and be present for her and that doesn't require me to give or give me. All I want to do is share love with her. So, and you don't, you know, you don't need a whole lot of other exterior things that you think you need that then you go out and trade your time and, and desire for to then one day maybe be there with her, with my cell phone on and not be present. Like, just going back to simplicity and slowing down and really living and being more importantly in alignment with who you really are.

37:39 And what you'll find is things just happen that are much, much more easeful and graceful. But I think you need to create the space to let things reveal themselves to you, to show themselves. Like sometimes for me, and I still do this at times and I'm getting better at it, is I just want to take it from the creator. I want to go do it, I want to go on and get it done right now. And then I kind of like forced and I pushed and I call and I'm not giving time for things to reveal themselves to show themselves. Like give you a tangible example. I'm not going gonna mess them with someone and I'll give them a loan or whatever. And then rather than giving time and seeing how they perform and seeing how our relationship evolves, I want to force that and I, I go too fast and then it backfires for both of us, right? Cause I didn't allow things to develop and neither did today. So again, just just really slowing down I think is is, is key. Slow down to speed up. And I think just keeping on the life scenario, we kind of got a little off track but not for the most part is the whole part that he comes up with a comparison and like the assumptions. And

38:36 That for us has been huge of like, especially now with social media, like assuming that people have things figured out and assuming that everything is perfect because that's what they post on social media, assuming that their business is really making, you know, hundreds of them because they're a public speaker, that they've got everything figured out. And then the comparisons that comparing yourself to that and that, and that will comes up too, is that the year, you know, you're comparing your behind the scenes because you know your whole life story and you know everything in your situation, you're comparing your behind the scenes to someone's highlight reel which is curated and they only post what they want to post. And what does that number one spiritual law don't compare. They sell tiny like is this a thief of joy? It's a peep of joy and it's suffering.

39:13 I mean, you're in suffering. And then just even how we run our lives, like figuring out the set of rules for our lives and being okay with going against the grain or not doing what everybody else is doing or even having people not understand why you do some things. So when we sold our house, when we close our business, when we moved three times, we did this because that's what worked for us. [inaudible] You're crazy. No more cashflow. Yeah. Do what's best for you. And not obviously at the hindrance of anyone else, but do what's best for you. And you don't need to explain yourself to anyone. And it's, it's, it's getting that muscle strong in what's, what works for you and what works for your family, not what does everybody else doing, what does it look like for everybody else? What does everybody else great.

39:57 The approval. And I think that that was big in the book too, was like the character saying, Oh, but everybody else look at everybody else's doing it. Everybody else owns a house. Everybody else lives on this side of the town and not this side. All that does is just create more chaos and suffering like Ray said and in your life. And just, just let, let all that go. Like it doesn't matter what me and Ray are doing. It's like what do you want? What do you like? That's our real message. It's going to serve you. Like we put this together so that we could be an example for others but not to tell people what to do. And I think that's part of this whole like new era of like gurus and social media and people telling everybody, do it this way, do it that way. And we're probably both have been in that place of telling people what to do just because we want to be helpful. But the real message here and the real thing is full of life on your terms. Like what is it on your terms? What is it that you really want? And dig deep. And if you don't know, it's okay to say, I don't know, and figure it out.

40:50 That's a real answer. I don't know. And giving yourself the space to figure it out and social media isn't going to give you the answer and going within is going to give you the answer and turning off the social media, turning off the phone, slowing down. I agree with you maybe getting, getting really clear on where you want the best message of this is, do you whatever that is. Do you, so what we, what we're here for together as a couple is to help you give you the template for which we do this by, but ultimately so that you can live your best life on your terms. That's all we're about. And then you have a great partner in first yourself, the creator, and then your spouse. That's it. All right. We love you guys. We appreciate you guys guys. We got a cruise coming so we've, we're definitely, it's definitely gonna be an April couples' cruise.

41:33 Definitely. It's more than likely going to be an April. We're not 100% sure on dates yet.

41:38 Did you know me? You told me a cruise and then at the, I got to get my physical fitness ready. You know how it is. So

41:43 We're looking to iron out the details and as soon as we have more information we will let everyone know. It's definitely going to be either five or seven days and it'll be,

41:55 And the reason five or seven days is because we need a couple of days to unwind. Yeah. And connect with everybody. That's what it's about. It's connection and in creating a community. So,

42:03 And it's a curated community. So it's, it's amazing. Great people. Yes.

42:08 They wanna know if you don't know, but most of them you probably will know cause you're in the same circles we are. So we love you. We appreciate you a cruise coming. Make sure you clear out April. Okay. Love you guys. Appreciate you guys. Anything else you want to leave him with the angel?

42:20 Nope. Just

42:24 Love you guys. Thank you. Thanks for hanging out with us and listening to the Bolton board podcasts. Go to our website@bothonboard.com to receive your free special report on seven game changers for highly effective entrepreneurial couples. You can also connect to this on Facebook and Instagram at both on board. If you got value from us, please subscribe to our channel and leave an amazing five star reviews so we can help others get on board to cocreate the life and business of the dreams and enjoy the ride. We hope to connect with you soon.

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