Hey, did you know that if you like this episode after you're done listening, you can come talk to me. It's true. It's just me. It's just me on the other side of this screen. And I'd love to hear your thoughts, your opinions, like what is resonating with you about these episodes? So come talk to me. You can find me on Instagram @HeyHeyShawnamay or yeah. HeyHeyShawnamay, I've got a Facebook group called consensual sales. Just look for it on Facebook or you can just check out my website at HeyHeyShawnamay.com.
There's two types of people who hear consensual sales in the first go, Oh, Eww, Shawna, that is not what you want to say. There are better words to use and the second type here, consensual sales and say, you know what? You're right. I don't want to talk my way into the sale. I don't want to memorize a script. You just want to work with clients who are excited to work with you. Now that's consensual sales.
Okay. Let me just explain why I wanted to bring you on to this episode. Well, I know your work and I know that you're really good at what you do and that you really have a heart for helping women specifically navigate the mindset around being visible. And if I could just summarize what my people go through is they have this chronic fear of being judged. They also have this chronic fear of being like perfectionists.
(01:25): Like everything has to be perfect before I reach out to somebody, I have to know. I don't know. They just have all this fear. And so I want it to just have a really honest conversation about how we can really limit that. I don't know how we can just get rid of it, like what I need to do to really put myself out there and get visible. And so I want to just rattle off some of the answers about people's number one, fear that people have said over and over again is when it comes to selling is that they avoid being visible. Like altogether. Somebody said, I fear my own resistance around being visible. I'm finding conversation, but the moment that I like, I have to put myself out there where somebody sees me, I bounce. They also had this weird fear around selling like that. They don't want to trick people. So they just have this, I don't know this fear anyway, Corrina, will you tell us how you got here? Like how did you actually start teaching women? How to be more visible and to eliminate this fear? All right, Shawna, I love it. First of all.
(02:29): Yes. Yes it does. And so many of my clients, so many people in my audience have that same question, have those same fears. And it's something that when you're just starting out, when you're kind of getting used to the whole online space, like it's really easy to bump up against all of those things. Right? And especially when we see other people that are getting out there that are assigning clients that are doing all the things that we want to do really easy to get caught up and frustrated in the hole. I'm not there yet. I'm scared to do this or do
(03:00): That. All the things, right? So I love your question. I love this topic in general, because as you said, like, this is something I'm so passionate about, because if you can't get over this hurdle in your business, it's not going to go very far. Like you need to be able to share your voice. You need to be able to get out there in front of your people so that they know you exist so that they know you can solve their problem. Right? So this is what I do. This is what I love to do. And coaching people around this is really powerful because once you get over those fears, the world is your oyster, right? There's nothing that's going to stop you. If you can put aside the feeling of being judged, the perfectionism at all of that. So I've got five steps that I would love to share with your audience that will help them to kind of coach themselves, to hopefully move past some of these fears and really get to that next level in their business.
(03:56): Sounds good. I'm ready. I'm taking that. All right. So you mentioned a lot of the fears. I know I've heard so many of them before, like the fear of being judged, the fear of, you know, what, if I don't see the perfect thing, what if I mess up fear of rejection too? It's like this fear of rejection because they're so invested in their work and they want to do a really good job. Like the fact that it could possibly be rejected is like really painful. Definitely a hundred percent, especially when you're, I guess, more fragile, more like new in the business. If you get rejected, you're just like, Oh, what do you mean? But there is a way to get over it. And you had said at the beginning, I don't, I don't remember your exact words, but you're like, how do you get over this fear?
(04:45): Like, how do you pass it? And the funny part is you need to move forward with the fear. Like you can't just put it aside and say, I'm going to ignore you and keep going. Like, the people that you see that are showing up that are like killing it in your eyes, those people show up, even when they're afraid, they show up and they take the action, even though it won't be perfect, even though they might be judged. So that's the point that you want to get to in your business. And like I said, I've got five points there. They're easy. But when you dive into them, they will make such an impact. And so I'll go ahead and run through those. So the first one is really finding out what your story is. Shawna, you would listed a couple of different points. I know everybody's kinda got their thing that they're afraid of, that they're holding onto really tight.
(05:36): And you have to figure out what that is for you. Like, are you afraid to come across as salesy? Are you afraid to be judged to say the wrong thing? You need to figure out what those hurdles are that you're bumping up against. And without figuring that out, like you can't really move forward. And if you're not sure of what those things are for you, what's the thing that you've been avoiding. If I tell you to go live today, what are those excuses that come up? That is the thing that you're afraid of. Like, those are the pieces that you're like, Oh, but I'm going to use this as an excuse and this, so that's a good place to start if you're not a hundred percent sure.
(06:15): Different head question. Okay. How do you differentiate between like an excuse and an explanation?
(06:21): Hmm. This is a good question. I would say that really depends on how you're feeling about it. Okay. So if you were like, Oh, I want to go live today, but I didn't do my hair, but I don't know what to say, but, you know, but, but, but, so that would be, I would say that's like coming from a place of fear, that's coming from a place of like, I'm telling myself I want to do it, but I'm gonna, you know, throw all of these excuses on top. But if you're coming from a place of like, okay, I'm planning to go live. This is my plan. And shit happens like life, or, you know, something happens with the kids, whatever you've got going on. And you're like, crap, I can't, I physically can't do this right now. I've got these other priorities that are more important than this thing. And I will reschedule, I will commit to putting it at a different time rather than the, Oh, I can't do it. And then I was like,
(07:20): It's like, the excuses are butts. And the explanations are like, Oh crap. Right? Like it's sort of like a random accident or like something that's not normal in your like day to day.
(07:33): Exactly. And like the same thing happened for me the other week. We got some like bad family news. And my plan for the week was to go live and, you know, to do the thing. And I was like, you know what? It's not my priority right now. That is not where my focus is. That's not where my priority is. And it's not because I'm giving myself excuses. I was just like, Nope, this is not where I want to be, what I want to be doing. So therefore my priorities shifted, which is a lot different than, Oh, I have this, this thing I can't do that. It's like, no, I don't want to do that right now. So it's coming from very different place. Right. Got it. Okay. Keep going. Okay. So as I said, step one is really figuring out what your stories are. What is the crap that you're telling yourself?
(08:16): What are the excuses that are coming up for you? So the second part of this is really deciding to change that story. So an exercise that I love to give to my clients, that even if you've done it before, like this is a fun one to go and do again, because it digs up all of those things and they might change over time. So what I recommend to my clients is to go and make a list of the things that are scaring you, the things that are holding you back, anything that's coming up. If you're like, Oh, I want to take the sales call, but it's all of those things, right? And the idea here is that you're putting out what your story is today. Like what is that thing that you're telling yourself today? And part two, like the second step is to go through line by line and rewrite your story.
(09:07): So what I want you to do here, even if it doesn't feel true yet, I want you to rewrite that story and flip it. So let's say, you're saying, I don't want to sound salesy. I don't want to follow up with people cause I don't want to be bugging them, flip your story. So how can we make this more empowering? How can we see it in a different light? And one thing I know I get this topic a lot because I hear so many people not doing it. It kills me, but when we don't want to follow up, we don't want to be salesy to flip it and say, what I have the person on the other end said that they were interested. I know it would serve them. This is valuable information to them. Like you're not trying to follow up with people, trying to sell them garbage. You're trying to help them with whatever product or service you have. And when you come from that place, a place of knowing that your product or service will make a huge impact on their life. You're not being salesy. You're trying to help them get to the place that they said that they wanted to go. Does that make sense?
(10:13): Yeah. Yeah. You're just telling yourself something different.
(10:15): Exactly. So basically we want to change the story that's in your head and this is something that could happen in one conversation. Like one moment you can see something differently and change that perception you have, or it could be something that happens over time. And either way you need to start changing the dialogue from what's going on in your head. Because if it doesn't change there, it's not going to change externally. Right.
(10:44): One sort of great shift for me is that talking about my offer or like presenting my offer or talking to somebody and trying to gauge interest. And they say no, or it doesn't mean that I lost something. Like I actually didn't lose anything. Like things have just stayed the same for me. So that's one good sort of mental shift that helps me approach and get my offer out there a lot more and not just offer it could just be pitching myself. Right?
(11:11): Yeah. I know. I love that. And is it really much more empowering way to look at it then taking it as it a hit to yourself, which is not going to help you continue to show up and share your offer and share yourself because you know, you want to keep doing that. You want to keep finding the people that really resonate with you, that you can serve, that you can benefit that you can help. Right? Absolutely. So right now we are working to change that story. So the second part in this is really looking at what fears you've put down, what blocks that you're coming up against and shifting that story and basically tell yourself, write it down. Why is it crap? Like why is that story that you're telling yourself in the first place, crap and write it down, revisit it, whatever you've got to do, even if it doesn't feel true in this moment, it's the police that you want to get to.
(12:03): So it's where you want to be putting your focus rather than putting your focus on the excuses on the fears that we're coming up against. Okay. So step number three in this process is to take that new story of yours and turn it into your mantra. Now what that means. If that's not something you're familiar with, that's not something you've done is basically have that be your new dialogue, you know, put it on a paper, put it on your computer, put it on a reminder in your phone, all of those points that you want to make true, that you want to be the place that you're coming from, make that your new story. So for me, I have my own little mantra that I've kind of created put on my desk in my office. And I did that a while ago now and now so many of those things are the truth.
(12:58): If that makes sense, it's still, there's some things that I'm working towards, but most of those now are like, Oh yeah, okay. That's second nature now because I've conditioned myself to know that that is true. It's sort of like, you just go through life and you end up picking thoughts that like, aren't your owns or beliefs that like, you never really even decided if that is something that you believe to be true. And so then you're just living life through somebody else's flick filter, so to speak. Right. And so I love that this one first draws awareness. It makes you aware of like, what are you even telling yourself? And then empowers you to say, okay, like what can you actually choose for yourself? Because what you currently believe may be something else is right. Like that believe me from somewhere else that you just picked up randomly.
(13:45): Yes. I love how you said that because it's so true. So often we kind of pick up beliefs from other people that we don't even realize. Like I grew up in a household that entrepreneurship was not a thing I grew up. And it was, you know, you go to your day job, you do a nine to five, you work for 40 years and then you retire. Like this was the thing. And I had to spend a lot of time reconditioning myself because that's not the thing for everyone. Like that's not for everyone. So that kind of gives you an idea of those beliefs that we can adopt without necessarily knowing. So moving on to step four, step four is possibly the scariest part and it is taking action on that new story of yours, on the things that you want to be true. So if you are telling yourself, you are afraid of rejection.
(14:40): If you're telling yourself, you are afraid to say the wrong thing, go and do it, go and do the thing that you're afraid of. And as much as people will resist it, as much as people will say, Oh, but I can't. You can. And it only gets better from there. So going and taking action, even if it's not it doesn't have to be a big, massive thing. Like you don't have to go live to your, all of your friends on Facebook. Like you don't have to do that, but take a small action to get you to the place that you want to go. So, one example I have of this is when I was first starting out, I told him I was here of going live in Facebook. This was just like to me, which if you hung out in my group, if you were familiar with the stuff that I do, like, I go live all the time now.
(15:34): And it's not a thing. It doesn't bug me. Like it's fine. In the beginning, I was terrified of this. I was terrified of what people would think of if I would make a mistake of how my hair looked, which is like not so nice today. All of these things that I was telling myself that mattered, but really didn't in the end. So what I did for myself, because I could feel that I wanted to do, I wanted to get out there to make those connections, to reach my audience, but I was afraid. So one thing that I did was I challenged myself to go live for seven days and that kind of kicked my butt say, Oh, like, okay, you know, I put it out there. I put it out to my community. I don't remember the details, but I challenged myself to go live for seven days and I did it and I was super proud of myself.
(16:23): And then like weeks went by and we didn't go live again. So this brings me to point number five, which is continue to take action on the things that scare you. And the more you continue to do that, cause taking action once is great. And that's awesome, but it's the repetition, it's the continuity there. That's really going to make you feel comfortable in doing that thing that scares you versus putting the check in the box and saying, okay, I did it like, I'm good. I can move on. Like, well you have not conditioned this in your head yet. Like it is not the new normal yet. So keep going, keep pushing because eventually you'll look back on it and have a good chuckle that it took you so long to get there because it's not that scary. You're not going to die. If you do a live on Facebook, no one's going to yell at you.
(17:19): If you say the wrong thing on a sales call, like it's fine. You'll be okay. But our brains try to keep us safe and try to keep us in our comfort zone. So continuing to take that action, which is step number five is what you need to do. You need to commit to changing your story and doing that means getting out of there and getting uncomfortable. That's the only way you're actually going to change. There's no magic formula. There's no magic thing that you can skip that step. It's just of those things. You just have to get out and do it. I think that
(17:52): You make a great point about like changing your story is not only with the thoughts that you're telling yourself, like you believe, but also what you think about other people. So if your fear is I'm so terrified to go live and you know, you have all these reasons. If you can believe that, why can't you believe like the opposite extreme? What's the worst case scenario. Okay. What's the best case scenario. Your prides are probably gonna fall somewhere in the middle. Like people sort of like it. Some people might just ignore it. Some people might not even notice, but it's like, if you can keep doing that consistently, the story can shift from worst case scenario to actually be
(18:32): Pretty good. Exactly. And the only way it's going to shift is if you start to get uncomfortable and start to get yourself out there doing the things that you're like, Ooh, I don't know if I can do that. Like, well, that just means you have to, I love to look at it in a way that the fear that you have is kind of like your compass to say, that is what I need to go to. And that is what I need to do rather than shy away from it. Like you need to go towards it and just kind of like embrace the fact that it will feel uncomfortable, embrace the fact that it's going to be messy, but that's okay. And that's how you get to the next level. That's how you grow as a business, as a person, even that's what is going to make the big difference.
(19:18): So what if they're like worst case scenario does happen? They're showing up, they're putting themselves out there pitching they're trying to sell and they're like totally rejected
(19:28): And feel absolutely humiliated. Okay. So I love the rejection example because obviously if you're running a business, like you're going to get rejected at some point in time. Right? So if rejection is one of your fears, what you need to do to get over it is get rejected a lot,
(19:50): The YouTube video of that guy who like made it his goal to be rejected like a hundred times or something crazy.
(19:56): Oh no, no, but I like it. And my brain is going to like an example of like dating, like in the dating world. Cause obviously that's a big fear there too, right. To get rejected. And the example that's coming to mind is a guy would literally stand at the bottom of an escalator and ask women that were coming down. If he could have their phone number and he would just keep getting rejected because he's a total stranger. He doesn't know them, but the women can't go away until, until they go down the escalator. And it's kind of the perfect scenario because you just get used to that, that rejection. And over time you're like, okay, not, everybody's going to want what I have. That's fine. It's not the end of the world and move on next. Right.
(20:42): I forget what it's called. I wish I had the name off of it, but he basically, but it was like a
(20:48): Guy who was like going for no, right. It's like, if you could get like a hundred dollars or something and what happened is every time he heard the word, no, like every time he got rejected, he asked them why. And it was some like, really just like, Hey, it had like nothing to do with him. It was always something else. And so this video, yeah, just emphasize that what he learned in these like hundred nos or whatever is that rejection, rarely has anything to do with you. I love that. And I love that whole premise too, because that's awesome. And I think you had said something and I just want to make a note. So if you're terrified of getting rejected, like I get that, that is scary in itself. But when you're going and pitching yourself, putting out your offer, don't go for like the one offer that you are going to die.
(21:34): If you don't get right. Like practice on other things. Like if this is your first time going and pitching, like don't go to the Holy grail that you really want a yes from like work on your skills, work on your delivery, work on how you're showing up and work your way up to that big pitch that you want to make. Don't just start cold Turkey because that's obviously not going to help you to set yourself up for success. Absolutely. So you just left your corporate job. Right? did tell us all the good stuff about that and the scary stuff. Like what was that like? Did you have your own mindset issues with that transition? Oh my gosh. Of course I did. And I feel like if anybody thinks, like if you are looking at people outside of your bubble and like, Oh, you know, they're doing amazing.
(22:25): They're doing this, they're doing that. They have their own fears, they have their own stuff. Like I am a mindset coach. Of course I have my own mindset issues. Like I've got my own stuff going on that I work on and what I've learned in growing my business and serving my clients is that now with the skills that I have, I can flip it faster. I can recover quicker. And that's kind of one of the things that I've been able to learn for myself and grow kind of as a human, as a coach. But of course I had my own reservations about that and kind of that scary letting go of the security, which is something that I grew up believing that I needed. And so, yeah, that was a big step for me. But what I, I guess you could say the reason for it, like the end goal, honest to God, like putting aside all like the money to be made the, all the things, what I'm most looking forward to is the fact that I get to stand on the street corridor and wait for the bus.
(23:24): When my daughter gets home from school, like seriously as a mom, that's like icing on the cake for me. So I totally believe you when I had my first baby, right. John was with her during the day, he'd go to school at night. And I worked during the, you know, normal, like eight to five in an office or whatever. And I was so sad that like never got to change her diaper bizarre. Now, now I'm just like, I just would like it. So, you know, never gonna have to change another diaper again with that, that the first couple of babies it's like when you're working and you're not home with them, man, you really do crave that like ability to really take care of your family. Well, exactly. And that is really what I am all about. Like that is why I like to serve women to serve moms in particular, because being able to create the freedom that you want to be able to work and be there for your family, like this is gold.
(24:20): This is what I feel like all women should have the ability to go and create for themselves. It's what I've created for myself. It's what I'm helping my clients to do. And it just makes me so happy that people first start recognizing that it's now a possibility for them. Whereas before it was like total, no, I have to do this thing. Like I have to go and work at a job like you don't and there's ways in which to do what you love and be there for your family and make a good income all at the same time. It's possible and really making it possible starts with believing in yourself that you can actually do it. And that is, that's the belief. That's what I wanted when I started out. And you know, this is the reality that I'm living right now. So I'm just like, alright, I'm good.
(25:10): Like now I just want to help others to get to that place of where they actually want to end up where they want the goals that they want to achieve. So I'm thinking two things on what you had just said about having the first step is really having belief in yourself. Do you think that people have very little belief in themselves and then how do you instill that belief? Is that through the repetition that you were talking about? Okay. So one, I think that there are not enough people with a belief in themselves and I think that's why we see so many people not going on all in, on their business, not even starting anything in the first place, because they're not seeing that it's possible for them. And seeing that, I guess I should say believing that for yourself. Like for me, this was a big process because I came from a background of entrepreneurship.
(25:57): What, like, what is that? So for me, it was kind of a huge leap and how I kind of cultivated this belief for myself was very much like I've laid out for shifting your story when it comes to fears. Like it's the same thing for believing in something and to really look to what you want to accomplish and put your sights on that and see other examples of people who have been there and done it, that all helps to cultivate that belief of okay, it's possible for me to absolutely. I think that this is also true. Like when you are trying to like raise your prices and stuff and something that we work on with these freelance types, right. Where it's like, okay, maybe you don't have to charge the sun and the moon, but could you at
(26:44): Least charge an extra hundred bucks and that sort of small step can help facilitate the belief of what's possible. Right? Then they know, okay, if I can do a hundred bucks, I could do 200 bucks next time, right. Or 50 bucks. And then at the next, you know, within two clients, you're up an extra $500 or something. Exactly. And if that big leap seems too much for you, then 100% break it down, like make it into bite sized chunks versus this enormous goal of, you know, if you say you want to raise your prices by thousands of dollars, if you're not comfortable with that, then it's going to be harder to sell. It's going to be harder to show up. But like you said, if it's a couple hundred dollars here and then, you know, sign your next client a couple of hundred dollars, they're like, it all adds up and you end up getting to the same place in the end.
(27:30): I love that. And that's a perfect place for us to stop. Okay. Love where we can find you, like what's going on in your life and where can we buy you, support you and take you after this episode? Okay. So I love to hang out on Facebook primarily. I'm also on Instagram and my name is Carina groombridge. So you can find me on Instagram at Korean and Grover's coaching and on my Facebook group, which that's where I get my love. That's where I love to show up for my ladies. And that is the mompreneur movement with green Everbridge. Awesome. A thank you so much. This is awesome. And those of you who are listening, absolutely check out [inaudible] and there are opportunities for you to work with her, or just enjoy some of her content there where she was going to help you increase your belief without always having to take giant, enormous big leaps bite sized school. I love it. That's going to be a really great tagline for us to use. Thank you so much, Donna. I adore you and thank you for having me. You are so welcome.
